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This guy's relationship

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DragononFire said:
What can I do to help "Ryan"? What can I say that I haven't already told him? He is a good friend to me and I hate to see him put up with this. I hate the whole "Stockholm syndrome" kind of thing too, that is really not good and I feel he will continue to be abused and may even become a part of his boyfriend's law troubles. I feel helpless. What should I and/or he do?
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If your friend wants to talk about his situation, then you can listen and help him sort out his thoughts. You focus on your friend's feelings about the boyfriend and the relationship; keep your opinions of the boyfriend to yourself. Don't lecture. You'll get much further saying, "It sounds like you're thinking about leaving. What can I do to help?" than you will saying things like, "He's a douchebag. You need to leave him".

It's very tempting to say, "I'm going to pack your bags and you're going to leave him". The problem with that is that your friend is already dealing with a controlling boyfriend. He doesn't need a controlling friend. It is up to him to make the decision to end the relationship and to leave.

A big mistake that men make is that we want to rescue everyone and fix everything. You are not part of their relationship. Your relationship is with your friend and you focus on supporting the friend.

You have to accept that your friend is an adult and has made an adult decision to stay with someone who is abusive. You listen. You support (you don't have to support the decision but you do have to support the friend whatever decision they make). You listen as he sort out his feelings. You listen as he thinks through his options.

With that said, if your friend is being physically abused to the point that he is being harmed or his life is in danger, you encourage the friend to call the police or if he won't, then you call the police.
 
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