This is how I (would like to) hook up

[chrisdobro]

For me to successfully hook up with a guy, this is pretty much what I need:

1. healthy, safe, HIV negative
2. face pic, or face+body in some cases for me to see.
3. male, 18 to 35, reasonably in shape
4. desire to do the sexual act that I want to do

That's pretty much it. In the order of importance. If you are safe and I like the face, you are "in", and I can even go for guys who are not so ideal candidates if these are satisfied.

However, people fail this all over the place. It's pathetic. The downers for me are these:

• the whole "discreet" culture of not showing your face
• anti-social communication

Why do people do hooking up as if it's a job interview? It is not a job interview, it is there or it is not there. Show your cards and move the heck on. You are not looking for a boyfriend or a long term commitment here.

Why do people bulldoze others at any opportunity and take "it is all about me" approach? Examples of this anti-social communication include discontinuing conversation at inappropriate times, leading people on, not following through, being plain rude or mean without being provoked, failing to provide closure and bailing at the first sign of a less than ideal discourse.

There are many answers to this and psychologists and sociologists can contribute to the discussion, but sadly, these answers do not or will not change much.

One thing I would like to know is ... how do I deal or cope with this? And, if I want to hook up, how do I navigate these waters more effectively, more efficiently and with less hassle that is normally there?

 

[yeahright1991]

I wish I could help. However I consider anyone who is possibly getting to see my cock and ass to be on somewhat of an interview. And I don't do Internet hookups (anymore). I'll say as far as possible advice - even though people may be seeking out anonymous / random sexual encounters - to expect to be grilled a little bit. The story of the craigslist killer(s) should always be in the back of people's minds. Even though it's has the potential to end just as badly, hookups that occur after meeting the person in person (be it through a friend, at a club, etc.) just seem safer to me.

(I hope that didn't come off as condescending - I've had online profiles before and I've done the hookup thing before).

 

[jasoncrew03]

I agree with the OP. Hook-ups are awesome - they're the only sexual relationships I had from losing my virginity at 14 to when I got married in December.

As for how to deal them:

1. healthy, safe, HIV negative

This is something you can't be completely knowledgable about (although, there's that new 20 minutes take home test but I'd imagine that putting a damper on the mood). You just have to use condoms and hope the person is honest when they say they are negative. It comes with the territory of hooking up.

2. face pic, or face+body in some cases for me to see.
3. male, 18 to 35, reasonably in shape
4. desire to do the sexual act that I want to do
5. the whole "discreet" culture of not showing your face
6. anti-social communication

Gay bars. I'm not a fan of online hook-ups. Too rapey. To be blunt, being at least somewhat attractive makes the process much easier.

 

[G-Lexington]

I've often found that people seem to think that they're always the ones doing everything aboveboard, but it's "everybody else" who's the problem. Are you sure you're innocent of everything you're complaining about? For instance, let's say you find a likely candidate, and you start a conversation going. Then sometime along the line, you find out any (or all) of the following:

1. you get a(nother) photo, and you decide the guy is unattractive.
2. you get a full body photo, and you decide he's too fat.
3. you find out he's in his 30s.
4. you find out he's not interested in doing the sexual acts you want him to do.
5. you find yourself uninterested in his repartee.

Then what? Presumably you cut things off. How? Are you "providing adequate closure"? I mean, it presumably seemed like you were interested until the last exchange, and now you're cutting things off. Do you just say "I've decided I'm not interested - thanks, though", and hope he doesn't ask any questions as to why? Do you tell him the truth - "you're too old/fat/unattractive/submissive/uninteresting for me?" "I'm actually interested in somebody younger/more in shape/hotter/dominant/interesting"? Or is that rude?

Lex

 

[mbamike]

It is no secret on here that I use Manhunt and Adam4Adam a great deal. I have been known to use Grindr and Jack'd too. The cliche', "a picture is worth a thousand words" really holds true for me. I need more that just a cock shot though.

I show my ass picture, see my avatar picture, to get guys' interest. I am a bottom BTW. Then I follow up with a full-body shot and another ass picture taken with me on all four. I present my face picture when it looks as if we are going to hookup. I usually ask for a face picture too and try to get his cell number.

I usually ask about their HIV status and the date they were last tested, but I realize they can just lie about all that. So, I make sure the guy knows he needs to use condoms too.

I stay away from guys that don't give alot of information in their profile. Being on a hookup site makes it pretty obvious that a guy is "looking to have a little fun." So, stating it in one's profile is pretty pointless to me. Stating the sexual activities one likes is better; kissing, cuddling, rimming, fucking, etc.

I state in my profile the type of guys I like. So, it should be pretty obvious to the guy if he has a chance of hooking up with me before he even sends me a smile or a hello. I usually know very quickly if I am interested too.

However, some guys just like to chat and I have no problem with that either. I feel so isolated here. It feels great to chat with other gay guys, but that is another post all to itself.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

if a post is talk internet 2 no use internet 2
like folk no got use internet 2

ans still internet 1 runnin wit all it lovely ways

ans etc ans etc

if a got a use internet 2 well lands make prepare populations befor sling up new word fa da etc etc
ans wear skin got automatic flush

there go

 

[Georgiadude]

I understand these are usually anonymous, nsa hook ups and I'm fine with that. What pisses me off is how some people treat the potential candidate. If they aren't a match or you change your mind, fine. However there's no need to be rude about it or just disappear. I really, really hate the disappearing act. If things change, for whatever reason, have the balls to tell the person you've changed your mind. I've lost interest in someone but I send a reply saying "sorry, I don't think we are a match. Good luck with your search" and leave it at that. I know my views may be different than others but I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. I just don't see the need to be mean to someone and make them feel bad about themselves.

Steven.

 

[chrisdobro]

Are you sure you're innocent of everything you're complaining about?

I am actually pretty good at telling people what's up. If I do fail to do so on occasion and people ask me for it, I give them the answer freely. At one point I kept telling everybody "sorry, not interested".

Then I had that done to me and thought that it may be a downer for some people and slowed down on and stopped doing so in certain situations. Later I started up doing such closure again, when appropriate. i.e. if someone email me via CraigsList for the first time, they do not know who I am, nor I like them, there is no point to reply just to rub it in that they are not my type.
But if I had a conversation with someone, and realize I am not interested I usually tell them. This can be "sorry not into black guys", if I realize they are black, or just "sorry, no" if I realized they are way out of my type.

I try to be nice. I rarely tell people outright that they are ugly for example. I'd just say "sorry not my type", or "don't feel the connection"

I am a nice guy, I am more cognizant and aware of social interractions and feelings and expectations that are created in normal social people and it urks me that others act in what I would describe sociopathic manner without due cause.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

I am actually pretty good at telling people what's up. If I do fail to do so on occasion and people ask me for it, I give them the answer freely. At one point I kept telling everybody "sorry, not interested".

Then I had that done to me and thought that it may be a downer for some people and slowed down on and stopped doing so in certain situations. Later I started up doing such closure again, when appropriate. i.e. if someone email me via CraigsList for the first time, they do not know who I am, nor I like them, there is no point to reply just to rub it in that they are not my type.
But if I had a conversation with someone, and realize I am not interested I usually tell them. This can be "sorry not into black guys", if I realize they are black, or just "sorry, no" if I realized they are way out of my type.

I try to be nice. I rarely tell people outright that they are ugly for example. I'd just say "sorry not my type", or "don't feel the connection"

I am a nice guy, I am more cognizant and aware of social interractions and feelings and expectations that are created in normal social people and it urks me that others act in what I would describe sociopathic manner without due cause.

awsum

well was a sumthang

thankyou