This Is Really Eating Away At Me. . .

[Nomenclature]

Alright, so i've talked about this a bit in the past, but for the past few days i've had no one to talk to who would even remotely understand, and it's really been eating away at me:

I consider myself gay; I am capable of enjoying sex and intimacy with men, and I would be happy spending my life with a man. . .I have very little-to-no physical attraction to women, and I don't feel compatible with them; I would not be happy in a relationship with a woman. However. . .

I keep finding myself fantasizing about fucking a pussy;

I highly doubt i'd be attracted to the girl, but just the idea of taking a girl, fucking her and having her legs wrapped around me is arousing me a lot more than it probably ever should for a gay man.


So, here's what i'm wondering: If this kind of what bi-curious straight men feel like when they figure a blowjob from a gay guy would be hotter, but they aren't attracted to men? Like guys who watch straight porn while a guy sucks them off, or something and feels really awkward once it's over?

 

[StlKj]

I find it interesting how you said, "I am capable of enjoying sex and intimacy with men." That isn't exactly the same as "I enjoy sex and intimacy with men."

Maybe you should not hold so tightly to labels and just accept that at this time in your life, your sexuality might be a little more fluid that you thought.

 

[Nomenclature]

I find it interesting how you said, "I am capable of enjoying sex and intimacy with men." That isn't exactly the same as "I enjoy sex and intimacy with men."

Yeah, maybe I should clarify that: I know i'm "capable" of being intimate with men, because i've had crushes on men; I enjoy cuddling, making out and going down on a guy immensely. I don't think i'm "capable" of feeling the same way towards a woman. This has never been a choice for me.

Hopefully that helps.

Maybe you should not hold so tightly to labels and just accept that at this time in your life, your sexuality might be a little more fluid that you thought.

True, and I do accept that sexuality is fluid. Unfortunately, the majority of the world - gay or straight - doesn't really feel the same way.


I apologize if this is offensive, but: I think i'm just at a point in my life where I want the power/control of topping someone, but I don't want to have to worry about who's top and who's bottom. I don't want to have to worry about all that clean-up, prep work, how tight he is, if there's enough lube, whether or not i'm hurting him, taking a few minutes to help him relax so I can get it in, etc. Trust me, I love prostate stimulation, but the butt isn't exactly a sexual orifice; Some considerable "hacking" is required in order to get it to work properly. . .and even then, bottoming just isn't for everyone.

A vagina - as ugly as it usually is - is plug and play; It self-lubricates, etc.


I want to experiment even just once with that for selfish reasons, basically. I admit it.

 

[KaraBulut]

Sometimes it seems like we spend a lot of time and energy thinking about sexuality.

Gay. Straight. Bi. Tri. Poly.

Honestly, most of the world really doesn't worry about who you have sex with nearly as much as you do.

If it's something you're curious about, go try it. Just be honest that you're curious. And be safe.

 

[rareboy]

where I want the power/control of topping someone, but I don't want to have to worry about who's top and who's bottom. I don't want to have to worry about all that clean-up, prep work, how tight he is, if there's enough lube, whether or not i'm hurting him, taking a few minutes to help him relax so I can get it in, etc. Trust me, I love prostate stimulation, but the butt isn't exactly a sexual orifice; Some considerable "hacking" is required in order to get it to work properly. . .and even then, bottoming just isn't for everyone.

More here than first meets the eye.

Your motivations and rationalizations for sex don't sound particularly happy.

Sex isn't about convenience. If that were the case, you might as well just fuck a melon.

I think you need to think about what people give to each other in the act of sex, not just what you take. If you don't want to bottom, then don't.

But don't just use a woman because she has a vaj.

 

[StlKj]

For many women, vaginal intercourse over 15 minutes can often become uncomfortable and painful. Some women do not self-lubricate well and require other means to stay lubricate (KY, anyone?). A large percentage of women do not get off on vaginal sex, but instead require manual stimulation of the clitoris--or need someone to eat them out to get them to orgasm. You don't like the look of it; are you ready for the taste of it?

Honestly, Nom, you don't make sex with either gender sound appealing at all. Your description of both make them seem as though they're more work than they they're worth. Why is that?

 

[justsimon]

I apologize if this is offensive, but: I think i'm just at a point in my life where I want the power/control of topping someone, but I don't want to have to worry about who's top and who's bottom. I don't want to have to worry about all that clean-up, prep work, how tight he is, if there's enough lube, whether or not i'm hurting him, taking a few minutes to help him relax so I can get it in, etc. Trust me, I love prostate stimulation, but the butt isn't exactly a sexual orifice; Some considerable "hacking" is required in order to get it to work properly. . .and even then, bottoming just isn't for everyone.

A vagina - as ugly as it usually is - is plug and play; It self-lubricates, etc.


I want to experiment even just once with that for selfish reasons, basically. I admit it.

Have you ever slept with a woman? Almost none of the above is true.

 

[G-Lexington]

So, if I can condense this down, "I prefer guys, but I wish it was plug-n-play like women are." Something like?

I think NOT being plug-n-play is actually a bit of an advantage myself. Because it frees us from a default. To wit, we don't have to stick Tab A into Slot B. It's usually assumed that with straight couples, the penis is going into the vagina. But that's much less so with us. A few might assume it'll be anal, but even then, there's no guarantee who's gonna top. Because of this uncertainty, it frees us more from feeling that sex HAS to be one thing or the other. We can use our mouths, our dicks, our asses, our hands, our feet. We can bring in the peanut oil, the chocolate syrup, or the cock rings. We can bring in the ball gags, the leather restraints, the police uniform, the fursuits, the slings, the anal beads, the video camera or the next-door neighbor. We can do all of it, or we can choose to do none of it.

If you like the idea of dominating somebody, and not doing much (or any) of the prep work, then look for a guy who wants to be dominated, and will get himself ready without you having to. I can guarantee there are guys out there who are into that sort of thing.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Ha ha. Really, really good advice in this thread from all sorts of people and all sorts of angles. Read it and re-read it. So much truth here.

While there is some truth to what you say, it's not nearly as cut and dry as you think (in addition to what other guys have said: ever hear of a woman's period? Well, they're not necessarily like clockwork; sometimes there are unpleasant surprises).

While there may sometimes be certain things that are more convenient about topping a woman, it has never ever ever made me think about going back. Not even remotely.

I mean, really, if convenience is part of your concerns about sex, you haven't been with the right guy(s)! And I guarantee that being with a woman once will change your mind completely.

Or you'll find that you're bi. And then have at it.

 

[Nomenclature]

For many women, vaginal intercourse over 15 minutes can often become uncomfortable and painful. Some women do not self-lubricate well and require other means to stay lubricate (KY, anyone?). A large percentage of women do not get off on vaginal sex, but instead require manual stimulation of the clitoris--or need someone to eat them out to get them to orgasm. You don't like the look of it; are you ready for the taste of it?

I know all of this already, unfortunately; I've had female friends in the past who've told me EVERY. SINGLE. POSSIBLE. DETAIL. of their sex lives, even while I was pleading with them to stop.

Furthermore, i've talked to a lot of straight guys who've even told me that they think pussies look gross, and refuse to go down on a girl. In fact, i've also heard the other side of this from girls who hate that guys won't go down on them, and get all insecure about hygiene and they way their thing looks.

So, if I can condense this down, "I prefer guys, but I wish it was plug-n-play like women are." Something like?

I guess so, yeah.

in addition to what other guys have said: ever hear of a woman's period?

Of course, but I don't think women really look for sex while they're on their period, anyway (unless they're in a relationship). Also, have PMS right around this time, too. Men naturally must avoid them during this period, anyway.

While there may sometimes be certain things that are more convenient about topping a woman, it has never ever ever made me think about going back. Not even remotely.

Well, i'm honestly not trying to be a smartass at all here, but I wouldn't expect gay men to want to have sex with a woman. I wouldn't expect a straight man to want to do a guy, either.

I mean, really, if convenience is part of your concerns about sex, you haven't been with the right guy(s)!

Yeah, i'll be honest: All of the people i've personally dealt with so far - hook-ups, dating prospects. . .hell, even gay friends - have just caused me SO much drama. I'm not generalizing that everyone's this way, but from my experience it's just been complete bullshit.


Basically, i'm sexually frustrated and wish I could mount someone without having to deal with closets, being ostracized, bitchiness, insecurity, jealousy, gossip, heartache, STDs or poop. That's the real issue, and i'd honestly be surprised if I were the only guy on the planet who's ever felt that way in at least one point in their life.

 

[Lube]

Furthermore, i've talked to a lot of straight guys who've even told me that they think pussies look gross, and refuse to go down on a girl.

You know, lately, I've started to wonder about guys like this. Yeah, yeah, I know: everyone thinks that I think that everyone's a closet case!

But here's what happened recently:

My bf and I were at a (gay) party. Just a social event, no sex. But it was with a leather group--guys who like all sorts of kinky things and who've done just about everything. We're playing one of those reveal-something-about-yourself games where you have to guess someone else's answer to a private, revealing question.

So this multiple choice question comes up about smells. "What does Joe like the smell of most? A. Armpits, B. Groin, C. Ass. D. Feet."

Now, I know what *I* like the smell most of on a guy, but the question was being asked about Joe. And I don't know Joe all that well, and these are some kinky guys, so I answered A (armpits), and I figured there'd be a smattering of different replies.

But you know what? I was the only one who didn't pick B (groin). And everyone one of them looked at me like I had 2 heads. These are very experienced guys, and they're all like "of course it's groin, silly!".

I thought nothing of it and had a great time that night, but somehow that event keeps popping up in my head when I think about straight guys not liking the look of pussy, or thinking it smells like fish or whatever.

And I wonder...

Did all that talk about pussies being like fish really come from closeted gay guys? Do truly straight guys think it smells like fish or it's gross?

I mean, there are gay guys who don't do anal, but it's pretty damn rare for a gay guy not to do oral. We love it!

So how can it be that straight guys wouldn't find vagina equally attractive?? Doesn't it make you wonder?

Of course, but I don't think women really look for sex while they're on their period, anyway (unless they're in a relationship). Also, have PMS right around this time, too. Men naturally must avoid them during this period, anyway.

When you're horny and in a monogamous relationship with a woman, you'll do things you wouldn't think you would do. And it's not always obvious when the period is going to start, or when it has truly ended. You'd only have sex one week a month if you wanted to be absolutely sure you'd never encounter menstruation. (This really depends on the woman though. Each one's cycle varies--some are like clockwork, others vary from month to month.)

Well, i'm honestly not trying to be a smartass at all here, but I wouldn't expect gay men to want to have sex with a woman.

No, but you list yourself as gay in your profile, and you're talking about having sex with a woman because it's "convenient". I guess I was confused.

Yeah, i'll be honest: All of the people i've personally dealt with so far - hook-ups, dating prospects. . .hell, even gay friends - have just caused me SO much drama. I'm not generalizing that everyone's this way, but from my experience it's just been complete bullshit.

Basically, i'm sexually frustrated and wish I could mount someone without having to deal with closets, being ostracized, bitchiness, insecurity, jealousy, gossip, heartache, STDs or poop. That's the real issue, and i'd honestly be surprised if I were the only guy on the planet who's ever felt that way in at least one point in their life.

Welcome to gayhood. But I assure you that women have plenty of downsides (the PMS and menstruation just being 2), and they can be at least as bitchy as any gay guy. And--what--you think women don't gossip??!?!?!?!?!!!

 

[breathe]

You also have to take lots of time for foreplay and getting a woman ready. It's not like it's just anal sex that takes prep.

 

[Nomenclature]

Did all that talk about pussies being like fish really come from closeted gay guys? Do truly straight guys think it smells like fish or it's gross?

Gay men and straight women think uncut dicks are nasty and smelly if a guy doesn't wash, too. I'm not sure if I really see the point. \()/

So how can it be that straight guys wouldn't find vagina equally attractive?? Doesn't it make you wonder?

Straight men tell me that they find women's hair, eyes, hips, legs, butt and - of course - breasts attractive. I think it's all about who you're capable of falling in love with, basically.

When you're horny and in a monogamous relationship with a woman, you'll do things you wouldn't think you would do.

[...]

No, but you list yourself as gay in your profile, and you're talking about having sex with a woman because it's "convenient". I guess I was confused.

How dare you walk into a curious gay man's thread and say that YOU'RE the one who's confused!


I have no desire to be in a relationship with a woman. I was referring to a one-time experience. Basically, I think it's a double-standard: Gay men love curious straight guys who just want to use a guy for a release. There HAS to be self-identified gay men out there who're the opposite. . .right? Even if it's only theoretically, like in a math equation or something.

Welcome to gayhood. But I assure you that women have plenty of downsides (the PMS and menstruation just being 2), and they can be at least as bitchy as any gay guy. And--what--you think women don't gossip??!?!?!?!?!!!

Gay men learn to gossip from their female friends in high school, and soon they're out-gossiping the entire school.

You also have to take lots of time for foreplay and getting a woman ready. It's not like it's just anal sex that takes prep.

Not if you have:

 

[Lube]

Gay men and straight women think uncut dicks are nasty and smelly if a guy doesn't wash, too. I'm not sure if I really see the point. ()/

Straight men tell me that they find women's hair, eyes, hips, legs, butt and - of course - breasts attractive. I think it's all about who you're capable of falling in love with, basically.

I didn't think it was just unwashed vaj that smelled fishy; perhaps that smells fishier.

Just about every gay guy is in love with cock. I find it hard to believe that straight guys don't love the vaj.

 

[Darkflower]

1) Though I'm willing to believe the occasional anecdote related by gay JUBbers I read in these forums about straight guys in their aquaintance who say they think vaginas are ugly/smelly et cetera are true, from my experience (a hint of which is available to anyone who cares to browse the M4W section of Craigslist Casual Encounters), the vast majority of straight men are absolutely enamored of pussy. Every aspect of it. Sight, taste, smell, feel, everything. That's just how they're wired. They will do anything to get their face in it, their dick, their fingers . . . anything. That's just reality. So, you know, don't make too much of the occasional friend who protests that he doesn't like them. I mean, uh, finding a friend or two of yours who might say that does not constitute empirical evidence that changes a gay man's natural aversion or indifference to vaginas into an across-the-board reality.

2) Women and vaginas are not no-frills. Not if you want the benefits of the self-lubrication and a partner whose body is actually working with you (working the muscles, thrusting, etc) to provide you a satisfying experience. However, if whether or not the woman is turned on is irrelevant, and you're just looking for a hole to stick yourself in without worrying about poop or other concerns, you should just get a fleshjack, or hire a hooker. I'd vote fleshjack. That way it's completely irrelevant that there's a human being attached to the orifice, which is what it reads as if you're looking for, ultimately.

 

[bounder]

I didn't think it was just unwashed vaj that smelled fishy; perhaps that smells fishier.

Just about every gay guy is in love with cock. I find it hard to believe that straight guys don't love the vaj.

Love the vaj, and love fucking the vaj are two different things.