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This Is The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

A Living Hell said:
Well going to the Gym is out of the question for obvious reasons. I walk a bit as a student but probably don't do enough exercise but don't see how I can do more exercise. And its probably not how much I eat but what I eat - fatty foods and not enough things that are healthy.

I was going to order a pizza toinght; you know I have changed my mind :)

It seems from most of the replies that I should seperate being gay from what other issues I have. So I am going to give it my best shot at losing weight; talking about my problems helps spell things out for me I think.
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Sorry but I don't understand why going to a gym is out of the question?
 
Because I am unwilling to get changed in the changing rooms/ use the communal facilities. Sounds terribly sad I know, but true.
 
3nipples said:
Sorry but I don't understand why going to a gym is out of the question?
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Neither do I.

I've seen obese people at the gym before. I have the most respect for those people because they're in the gym deciding to do something to change their lives. There's this one young guy who started going to the gym when I was about 20 (I'm 23 now, but have been going to the gym since 14). Anyway, this guy was a little over 270lbs when he first started, and now he's down to 195, and it's mostly muscle. He's starting to develop visible abs. Since he did this while he was young his skin tightened up and he didn't even need to have surgery to remove loose skin.
 
A Living Hell said:
Because I am unwilling to get changed in the changing rooms/ use the communal facilities. Sounds terribly sad I know, but true.
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Then don't. Change at home. If it's too cold, wear something over your gym clothes and stow it in your locker. Shower at home.
 
I second the previous two. Go to the gym. Ask for a personal trainer if they do that sort of thing (for free, or you can afford it). Start off on simple things - treadmill, for instance. Gym's aren't just for fit people - they're for people that want to be that way, too.

Lex
 
A Living Hell said:
Because I am unwilling to get changed in the changing rooms/ use the communal facilities. Sounds terribly sad I know, but true.
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I don't know about sad, but isn't it a bit wrong to avoid going to a place where you could start getting into better shape because you're not already in better shape... or because they might see your penis?

How much does it really matter if someone you don't know sees you naked and has an unkind thought about you (assuming they give you much thought at all)?
 
It would bother me a hell of a lot more than it would bother them!

Because they would probably laugh and pity me. 4 years ago I wouldn't of cared but I feel I have ingrained in me an inferiority complex now; I want to do things but am worried what other people might think. It annoys me because I used to revel in not giving a toss what other people thought and would thrive on that image.

I've bought some weights to lift and will do lots of walking as well as eating healthier..... its a start. Maybe in a few weeks I can change my username to Living Well :)

ps "An unkind thought" is probably a very diplomatic way of putting it!
 
I'll let you in on a secret.

Nobody at the gym gives a shit what you look like... they're too worried about how they look.
 
I know how you feel, when I'm fully hard I'm only 3 inches and when soft I'm 0.5 inches. I might be a little chubby to overweight but I try not to let it bother me because I know that there are guys who won't even laugh at 3 inches, and if they do then they're not the guys you really want to be talking to in the first place.

BTW, I've had guys laugh at me because of my size so you're not alone.
 
Hey mate....welcome to JUB!!

And thank you for posting. I know that it took a lot of courage to do that..to open up the way you did. It says a lot about you...your character...and your determination to make change and be happy in your life. They are things to reflect on and be truly proud of mate they really are.

You know the reality is that we can say and suggest a lot of things to you here...and while they are all good ideas and well intentioned...they wont change how you feel inside. Thats only something that you can do... and mate from your courage and strength shown in the posts here...its something that you're easily capable of. You just have to realize that you are worth the effort...that you are a special guy...someone who has individual talents and strengths that stand you apart. You are someone who can love and will be loved.

See...even if you put up a facade of confidence, of no fear...if you have earned others respect from your actions in the past...those things all take strength, courage and determination. If you have stood your ground, repelled the taunts and comments then you have already said..."Theres more to me. Theres more that just how I look. I am deeper than that. Get to know me. You dont know me". You already know that you are more than someones dismissal at first glance. And you are right. You are way more than that.

Dont let the fact that you are gay weigh you down. Sure...it can be hard sometimes but it doesnt change your worth, your values, your integrity, your fears ...or your strengths. Its part of you...part of you like the other things that make you who you are. It doesnt change your ability to love or be loved. It doesnt change that you value and care for those close to you. It doesnt change that you want to share your life and have someone share theirs with you...it just makes you human. It makes you one of us. And simply because you haven't experienced things with another guy doesnt change that you know what you want or desire...those feelings are deep within you. It just means that when those moments come - and they will - you'll know to value them, to savor them and to make them special...make them mean something. Thats an insight some wish they'd had sooner. And dont worry about when it will happen...spend some time here and see the huge spread of ages of guys...great guys...who have yet to feel another guys skin....it doesnt make them less worthy or deserving...just as it doesnt you.

Mate...your own self respect, your own self worth are so important to your happiness. It doesnt matter how you look, how much you weigh...or how big your dick is. Those things just aren't important. And they are especially not important to the people who are either in your life or who will come into your life that love you for who you are not what you are. Ask yourself why they do and you'll see its about the real you...the worthy you.

What important is that when you look in the mirror you see the things that are right...now whats wrong. See the loving strong compassionate guy looking back. See the guy determined to move forward, the guy courageous and wise enough to ask for help, the guy who already deep inside knows he has the power to make change. See the guy worthy and deserving of love and respect. Because thats who you are...and it who we see.

You can make the changes IF you want... just know that you are doing it for yourself...how you see yourself...not how others see you. Dont ever change for anyone else...do this for yourself because you are the only person worth the effort. If you want to lose weight go for it. Do it however you want...walk more, dont eat the pizza...if gyms make you self conscious...and they do for a lot of people trust me...dont go to one. You are a smart articulate guy. You know what to do. Just make the decision to change...to try. Its in you...you know it is...you just have to know that you are worth the effort.

Theres no magic potion...no cure for how you feel. But mate...you already know how this works. You said that respect is earned....demanded. You are right. And so is self respect. Its ok to say that you're a good guy. Its ok to say that you deserve happiness...because you do.

This isnt a race and things wont happen overnight. But with the determination that got you here, the courage you used to post you can do this. There isnt a single part of your life that you cant change if you want to. And yeah, there'll be set backs, hard times but its those times that will make your happiness even more beautiful. You will have earned it...and theres no greater sense of satisfaction.

Take a day at a time mate. Know that you are surrounded by people who see you, trust you, love and respect you for who you are. Use their belief in you to build your own. You are worth it. You are deserving. You are unique. And thats what makes you a beautiful human being.
 
tallguy that's a very touching post, but if you are forming your opinion on about five posts I have made then there is probably a little room for error?

And as for brave....... there are many people on here that are much braver than me who have more taxing problems than mine.

I suspect its not the right section of JUB to post updates (damn newbies eh, what a pest!) so I will keep people informed on the health and wellbeing section if anybody is interested. Hopefully opening up has given me the determination to go through with it and slim right down.... my philsophy is if you are going to do something do it properly but when it comes to health and wellbeing I always seem to make exceptions! :)

Thanks for the input everyone, it confirms in my mind I made the right decision to post here.
 
as long as it is fully functional, you have nothing to worry about.
Maybe lose some weight, you know how cruel it is to be thin in gay community.
 
My boyfriend's dick is small...so what? it really makes no difference to me. He is uneasy about it sometimes, and who hasn't been:kiss: ? Would you rather have a 13'' dick that doesn't work?

Coming out takes a lot of time for people, including my self. For some people it takes a life time.

and last...

you have to love your self before someone else can love you! It's really hard to do I know! we seem to be our worst critic.

everyone struggles with these kinds of issues, you just need to learn how to deal with them.

I think you should start with being honest with your self, and others, try to remove that facade. you have already done so by posting, so congradulations!
 
Hey mate...

Thanks for the update...

Room for error...sure. But I dont think so. I think that you do have guts and determination...your last post shows that.

And as for being brave? Dont ever compare yourself to others mate...you will always find a reason to feel overwhelmed or less than equal. For each of us we face our own battles. Big or small. And for each of us they are issues that control us, wear us down and keep us from being all we can be. To understand how brave you are you must understand what your fears and concerns had the potential to do to you. Then look at the courage it took to say...enough. Thats bravery.

I understand that there are amazing examples of courage strength and pure brilliance right here on JUB. Some of the battles being fought are life changing.

But dont underestimate the changes you've resolved to make or the effects that posting and starting this process can make. For you, right now...they are life changing.

They are decisions that will give you the life of happiness and freedom that you deserve.
 
I was actually thinking about you today. I'm in decent shape and have never been overweight, but I do have body issues and workout obstacles. I've been unwell for a very long time and it makes working out with any regularity difficult. But I did manage to put in a good workout this morning and afterwards I remembered how it felt. Even if there is no visible result, I always feel better about my body when I'm active. Even if I only manage to do a few crunches or spend a 10 minutes on the rowing machine, it helps.

I also don't like going to the gym, so I bought a rowing machine (about $100, though there are better, more expensive ones out there) and some dumbells. It helps me a lot to have the equipment around so that when I feel up for working out, I can do go ahead and do it.
 
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