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This is what I have to deal with...

At least he didn't call you a fucking faggot which is far more insidious than being called ugly, IMO. Hopefully, the guy was drunk.
 
You're right to reject the advice to respond with nasty remarks. But if you came up with a funny response, that would disarm the nincompoops and make you feel better and more empowered and less a victim. You have to own whatever it is that's motivating this reaction to you -- as it is, you're letting others use it as a tool to hurt you. If you own it, nobody can use it against you.

But the main thing is you have to meet the challenge you've been handed. You have to not allow yourself to be defined by your looks. Be defined by your choices and actions, by who you are and what you do.

Do you have a creative outlet? Do you paint or draw or write or anything like that?
 
I will NEVER understand the cruelty of humans to each other.

The creep who would just out-of-the-blue say something like that to you, Winterknight, is going to someday say it to the WRONG person. I'm sure you're not the only one he insulted. I rarely wish harm to somebody, but I hope that somebody he says it to, someday, will land him into the health-care system.

I was once on a trip with a friend. A waitress, also out-of-the-blue, suddenly up't-an'-said "You're not worth it..." to my friend. It was such a surprise that nobody had a response. It's not everybody who will come up with a sudden and appropriate response in such a situation.

I've been told, by 3 or 4 people who I've known for a long time, that in my early adult years I looked somewhat "threatening" or "scary" to them.
 
How about telling us what you'd like to say to that guy?

We're here and we're listening.
 
winterknight said:
Nothing. This PC is effectively my entire life - if you can call it that.
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Why?

You're 27 years old. Many years stretch ahead. What do you want for yourself?


And my feeling is that even saying something "funny" could escalate the situation.
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If saying nothing is what's most comfortable for you, then that's what you should do.

But it's a big mistake to let those remarks infuse your self definition. I realize it will be hard work changing that dynamic in your own thinking, but it's possible to do and it would change your life for the better. You're handing over your power to people who want to hurt you. You don't have to do that.
 
winterknight said:
I'd still rather not do anything that might escalate the situation.

Guess that makes me a coward.
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you're not a coward at all!!
this attitude shows your inner goodness!
please don't let that slip ^_-
never answer aggression with aggression
it only makes things worse, it solves nothing ^_-
remember, that guy who would say such things to you;
is in much worse shape then you are,
he's the one with the problem ^_-
you are beautiful and perfect just the way that you are
don't doubt that, but believe in yourself,
and nurture your inner goodness ^_-

oww.. and try to smile more often ..|
be a light unto yourself ^_-
 
The problem is not that someone insulted you. Neither is the problem that you feel too polite to reply. Nor is the problem that this seems to happen more frequently than normal.

The problem is that you let it upset you so much and are unable to laugh at it with the "bloody cheeky sod" attitude.

As difficult as it may seem you can laugh off a mortal insult or indeed action.

I have often thought in such situations the following:

astonishment that someone had the nerve
amazement that they had the courage to say it to a complete stranger
amusement that they thought they had the right to say it

It is an attitude and without an improvement in your attitude you are going to continue being unhappy and affected by unpleasant events in your life.

It is harsh advice but the only person who can make things change is you.
 
And I suppose the other guy looked like a model? What nerve! Guys who say that normally don't look any better than a dog .... lols.

Anyways, I had a "hey ugly" comment thrown at me at school once. It was probably a joke to see if I would turn around, but it still hurts even if it wasn't really directed to me.
 
My advice is to revel in it. Retorts are pointless, and internalizing it into self-loathing is fatal.

I mean, that's pretty amazing if people actually make comments of that sort all the time. Now, I've seen pictures of you, and while you're not exactly Hommes Vogue material, neither are you Quasimodo... so there must be something about you that invites such comment. And since it's a part of you, a naturally-occuring facet of your You-ness, embrace it!

But if you want to know how to live with people calling you ugly, I say beat 'em to the punch. Think of yourself as The Ugly Guy. When you're dressing yourself in the morning, ask "Is this something The Ugly Guy would wear?" When you're getting a haircut, is the haircut enhancing your ugliness or disguising it? Have it printed on business cards: "Winterknight, The Ugly Guy; Licensed Ogre/Gargoyle for All your Child-Frightening and Clock-Stopping Needs."

So what if you're ugly? Or if some people think you're ugly? There are far worse things in this world than an ill-favored mug. So don't worry about your looks at all... just take them as read and keep going. Believe me, you aren't frightening anybody, and anyone worth talking to will be able to look past your homely visage to the personality that lights you from within.

Look at it as an Asshole Deterrent... anybody who would be turned off by your looks isn't worth talking to, anyway, so look how much time you've saved. :D
 
winterknight said:
I was walking down the street yesterday, and some random guy looks at me and shouts "oi, mate, if I looked like that I'd have shot myself at birth"

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well I'm in the same book as you are winternight! I'm just too polite...but catch me on an off day and i would have yelled back this remark...."Really?! Then why haven't you yet?!"

If he wanted to fight me for it and trust me...if i gave the remark back to him...chances are something has pissed me off to do it so fighting me isn't something you'd want to do cause you crush a man's knee cap with one good kick and he isn't getting up for round two!
 
You know, I live in the city center and we have our share of crazies mouthing off about all kinds of crap.

It's best to just ignore them. What they shout out isn't really personal.

I usually think they're not hostile as much as just needing their meds.
 
winterknight said:
I was walking down the street yesterday, and some random guy looks at me and shouts "oi, mate, if I looked like that I'd have shot myself at birth"

](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)
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What a prick.

Sounds like the bastard chavvy types we've got strewm all over middlesbrough. They just want to fight. I remember one time, this guy was desperate for a fight, but I was all gothed up (studs n spikes), I was with a guy wearing New Rocks who is about 6'3'' without them, so with them he's massive, and another guy, this time a skinhead with studs coming through his jacket. We were all over 18, and he looked around fifteen. He was on his own, besides one friend who looked like he was gonna run.

What an idiot. By the way, we just stared at him as he started mouthing off abuse until he got a bit freaked out by the complete lack of response, and wandered off still shouting abuse.
 
Well, it's confusing to them. They're expecting some snide remark, so they can start assaulting you. If you just stare them down... it's just so anti-climactic to them. They don't plan for that.
 
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