This "preferences" thing is ridiculous...

[joshz88]

Oh also, I saw that you mentioned you were a college student. College is the best time to meet people. If you haven't already, join your schools LGBT club and any other gay organizations in your college and city so you can meet other gay men face to face since it sounds like you really want some gay friends. Also if your looking for friends regardless of their gender and sexual orientation, join any clubs or sports at your school or in your city if you haven't already so you can meet people with the same interests as you, its one of the best way to make friends. Again, good luck!

 

[joshz88]

I have no idea why my post posted like 6 times haha, sorry about that, maybe a Mod can remove the excess.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I have no doubt there are a lot of racists out there who will immediately rule you out when they find out you're black. Whether online or in person.

There's no way I can know what that feels like but obviously it sucks.

But I do feel obligated to point out that matching up with the right person is hard for everybody. We get threads about that in this forum every day. The only advice I can give is the same advice I give to everybody:

Keep trying. Sometimes it takes a lot of work.

Be willing to settle for less than your dream guy.

Remember it goes both ways. You're looking for something in them, but they're also looking for something in you. Make sure you have something to offer, and then offer it.

 

[JamesKim]

I think preference exists, but with the ignorance and brainwash of the media, these preferences are more of "ignorance".
I've heard this one kid said he doesn't find Asians attractive because we always have braces and wear glasses with hearing aids and something else that was just right off the bat ridiculous.
I wanted to hit him so bad...
Anyways, I try to like every race, and I find attractive people in every race. There will be a certain race that makes you especially attracted too, but that doesn't mean you should ONLY date that race in particular (Like this Asian BITCH on youtube talking about ONLY dating white guys).
Excuse my negativity, but this is my answer.

 

[DVM26uk]

Unfortunately as stated by somebody else in this post, essentially online dating is nothing short of a meat market. You log on, look for a piece of meat and hope the butcher's willing to give it to you.

In my experience it's a really shallow environment and I've made the mistake in the past of trying and make "friends" there.

However I'm seeing your situation more and more and at first I thought it was just a handful of people having issues but it definitely appears to be more wide spread than that. I know a good friend of mine who says he's only attracted to white men which I've argued is ridiculous, but he seems to believe it no matter what I tell him.

Me on the other hand, I don't have a preference but then I accept that I’m not you're average gay guy since many who I've met and am subsequently friends with are so radically different to me.

 

[treanir]

It is possible to make friends online - I have done it!-, but it's hard. Really hard. Most people on sites like adam4adam are primarily there for hookups. They don't want friends, they want "friends". This means that a lot of people will reject you for two reasons:
1) You don't fit their idea of an attractive piece of meat (racially motivated or not).
2) You're not looking for a hookup, but they are.
Sad? Yes. True? Yes. Something to lose hope over? No. Keep reaching out to people both online and off and you will make friends. You just have to weed through the shallow, the idiotic, the vain and the single-minded to get to them.

Good luck!


[edit]Okay, at the risk of coming off as a total arsehole (and believe me, I don't mean it that way!), I have to add something:
it is possible that some people's type does not include black guys and they don't have to be racist. Before some of the people above jump at my throat... let's take me. East Asians are not my type. That is to say they're not my type in practice rather than in principle i.e. I have not in the past come across someone from that part of the world who I thought was physically attractive. But that doesn't mean I would never date one and that certainly doesn't mean I would never be friends with one! It's just that previous results indicate they're not my thing physically speaking. Consider also this... I have come across many profiles with things like "I like blacks, arabs and asians only... others don't bother" or the like (that exact combination comes up often). Do I jump up and shout 'racist' at them? No, because that is simply their type. Is it shallow of them to exclude me before even knowing me? Yes, but it's their prerogative to not want to hook up (there's that word again!) with a white guy. It's their preference and I'm not hurt by it. I don't see any reason to.

Okay, now you can all go and kill me.

 

[fjancsi80]

Ok, so I will be probably rude, I wouldn't like to hurt your feelings, only to say what came into my mind first reading your post.

Is it possible that your problem is not race but hotness? I mean probably you are not a very handsome guy at least in conventional terms. I don't know, I haven't seen your pictures, only asking...

 

[GoodbyeSobriety]

Rejection sucks. Hatred and racism sucks.

You gotta deal with it because that is the real world. Don't focus so much on the negativity, if you are a good person, it truly is THEIR loss, right?

As for suicide, that's such a chicken-shit way to deal with your problems. Dying is the easy part of life, living is the hard part. Face your problems and man up. Sorry, but EVERYONE has problems and personal conflict, how you deal with them defines who you are as a person, for better or worse.

Don't be so hard on yourself, there are good people out there. As much hatred that is in the world, there is an equal counterpart of love... at least that's what I believe.

My two cents.

 

[topherlover555]

Honestly, the way i see it is the same as a guy who can only be attracted to other guys. Or a girl attracted to girls. Or straight people being attracted ONLY to the opposite sex. Its just the hormones in our body that base our attractions. Society is also a heavy crash on attraction. Overall though, preference is preference. If you prefer men you could be seen as sexist, couldn't you?

 

[youngnihilist]

^Yeah, maybe we are a bit sexist then. I'm willing to admit my sexism. I enjoy the sexual company of men and that extends to platonic company too, I just like men better in most situations. I'll admit it. That's not to say however that I dislike women and don't have female friends and women I respect.

So for you race preference folks, admit it too. Race preference, like the sexual company of white men, hang out more with white men, prefer white men in general in their lives... that doesn't mean they hate blacks or will exclude them entirely or don't find blacks they like (like all those liberal gays who worship obama), but it's the same thing.

 

[Rick18]

Manhunt and Adam4Adam... not really prime real estate there man. The whole online thing is nice if you're looking for a hookup, or sometimes just people to chat with, but I wouldn't really look for friendship there, or anything meaningful. I've made a few friends on those sites, don't really hookup that often, but you're not the only one to get rejected, and I doubt it's based all on race. There are tons of guys that I've talked to, and as soon as they see a picture of me, they stop talking. Or they'll keep on with the, "Oh, you're so hot" type of stuff, until they log off, then never message me again.

I've got friends of all different races and backgrounds. I will tell you this though, when someone brings up any type of relationship when I first meet them, or talk to them online, it sends me running. It can be the, "Oh, I'm in love with you" after a week type, or the desperate, "OMG LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!" type.

Do what I do, when someone messages you, and there's something in their profile where they are being an asshole, turn it on them. "No fems, if I wanted a woman, I'd fuck one." You know what my response is to those when they message me? "Sorry, I'm not your type." If they ask how I know, I proceed to tell them that I'm a flamboyant gay boy that they just can't handle. YOU do the rejecting, but don't be rude about it unless someone else is being an ass.

 

[hungbob62]

I'm just a big-dicked white guy so maybe I don't know what in the hell I'm talking about, but instead of wonder what's wrong with the world, great thinkers and those who shape the world DO something about the wrongs, injustices and unfairnesses they see.

I won't even get into the issue of looking for love and esteem from the Internet because black, white or from the planet Pluto, that works only about 1 in 100 million times.

Organize your mind. And then organize a movement.

What is it you're really seeking? Thats the only way you can move onto the next thing - action.

Are you seeking to be loved? Or white guys? Or to fit in? Or to have things (seemingly) as easy as you perceive others have it?

You don't want to fall into the thing that many white chicks do - that "nothing" exists out there just because they're not finding it.

Its out there. You sometimes have to CHANGE the way you're going about finding it.

You admit you're having continual failure doing the same thing.

But as they say, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet always expecting a different result."

You're not insane are you?

I don't think you are.

So change your M.O. in finding that which you're seeking.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Aelrith,

Mate, theres a lot of advice here - some good, some not so, so I wont preach anymore to you.

But there is one thing I really hope you'll understand from all this.

And thats to realise the importance of self and who you are, and the value you bring to any situation. You are worthy and deserving of love and happiness just as is the guy who will one day who will give it to you, because chances are he feels the same way right now.

Dont fall into the trap, mate, of feeling like a victim or stereotyping or allow yourself to be stereotyped. These issues arent gay issues and anyone who claims the gay world is this or that or is worse than the str8 world for this or that is not only naive but wrong. The amount of singles clubs, dating sites and lonely men and women out there prove it.

All societies prejudice, within all groups people are overlooked and undervalued. Its not a big town small town thing either, trust me. Its not a gay society or a culture issue - its a SOCIETY issue.

Your role is to rise above, have faith in you, who you are, what you stand for. Because as sure as you exist so does the guy you are looking for. You just need to let your light shine like a beacon so he can find you!

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Am I missing something? For many gay African-American males, what I've described is the real world.

I assure you that I am an African-American male.

I'm confused as to why you would think anyone else would take the time to type all of that out in tremendous detail and with a fervent emotional undertone only to instigate a fruitless, argumentative racial discussion. I know I'm not the only one who has to endure this sort of thing on a daily basis, which is why I posted in part to hear other people's views on this topic and to receive some sort of support since I can't get it anywhere else. Yes, this topic has been done before (I used the search function), but I brought up a few issues that I either never saw anyone in previous threads mention (like the friendship thing) or they touched upon them very little.

Sorry, just checking. I post on a black man's board too, and we frequently get threads started by white men pretending to be black, but it soon becomes apparent that they have an ulterior motive: conducting research or just to fuck with us.

In either case, you should view your situation objectively. There is racial discrimination in friendship, sex, dating, employement, everything. But you have the choice of being a king or a slave. Black kings are always a thrilling sight to see, whether they're alone or have somebody.

 

[3nipples]

Don't judge everybody by the ones that are making all the noise in clubs, bars or online... or even in GLBT groups. There are a lot of nice guys out there that aren't out there.... but they will be.

Keep in mind also that your target age group is young, insecure, typically self-absorbed and in a process of self discovery. Even some of the ones that are ignoring you today or even putting you down may well turn out to be nice guys once they settle down a bit.

I know it sucks for today, but there IS a tomorrow.

 

[PabloZed]

I don't think I met/talked to 34 men I was interested in all of last year. That many in a month is, well, grotesque if true. However, it is certainly possible to send messages to that many guys in even one day, but I wonder how many responses one would get.

 

[sunoftheskye]

Honestly, the way i see it is the same as a guy who can only be attracted to other guys. Or a girl attracted to girls. Or straight people being attracted ONLY to the opposite sex. Its just the hormones in our body that base our attractions. Society is also a heavy crash on attraction. Overall though, preference is preference. If you prefer men you could be seen as sexist, couldn't you?

Right...it's just a coincidence that most people tend to prefer whites.

 

[sunoftheskye]

It is possible to make friends online - I have done it!-, but it's hard. Really hard. Most people on sites like adam4adam are primarily there for hookups. They don't want friends, they want "friends". This means that a lot of people will reject you for two reasons:
1) You don't fit their idea of an attractive piece of meat (racially motivated or not).
2) You're not looking for a hookup, but they are.
Sad? Yes. True? Yes. Something to lose hope over? No. Keep reaching out to people both online and off and you will make friends. You just have to weed through the shallow, the idiotic, the vain and the single-minded to get to them.

Good luck!


[edit]Okay, at the risk of coming off as a total arsehole (and believe me, I don't mean it that way!), I have to add something:
it is possible that some people's type does not include black guys and they don't have to be racist. Before some of the people above jump at my throat... let's take me. East Asians are not my type. That is to say they're not my type in practice rather than in principle i.e. I have not in the past come across someone from that part of the world who I thought was physically attractive. But that doesn't mean I would never date one and that certainly doesn't mean I would never be friends with one! It's just that previous results indicate they're not my thing physically speaking. Consider also this... I have come across many profiles with things like "I like blacks, arabs and asians only... others don't bother" or the like (that exact combination comes up often). Do I jump up and shout 'racist' at them? No, because that is simply their type. Is it shallow of them to exclude me before even knowing me? Yes, but it's their prerogative to not want to hook up (there's that word again!) with a white guy. It's their preference and I'm not hurt by it. I don't see any reason to.

Okay, now you can all go and kill me.

It's easy for you to be not hurt by it when, not only are those that prefer minorities in the minority, but also you exist in a world which glorifies your whiteness.

 

[PabloZed]

This is nonsense. Where is the poll that says what people prefer? There are 1.3 billion chinese and 1 billion Indians. Most chinese marry other chinese and most Indians marry other Indians. Gays in China, I am guessing, prefer other chinese and same in India. By my calculation, that means most people do not prefer whites.

Some of you are prisoners in your own minds, believing what you are told instead of what you see with your own eyes and what common sense should tell you.

 

[sunoftheskye]

This is nonsense. Where is the poll that says what people prefer? There are 1.3 billion chinese and 1 billion Indians. Most chinese marry other chinese and most Indians marry other Indians. Gays in China, I am guessing, prefer other chinese and same in India. By my calculation, that means most people do not prefer whites.

Some of you are prisoners in your own minds, believing what you are told instead of what you see with your own eyes and what common sense should tell you.

I can't believe you actually typed that and hit the submit button.