thoughts about sex/bdsm

[gangineer]

I have been with my boyfriend for about six months now and am very happy. I love him and can't imagine being without him at this point. But I'm a bit worried because I've been having a lot of thoughts lately that I don't want to act on (and won't.) I have very strong bdsm fantasies and really enjoy subbing. It's a big part of what I want in sex-- not every time, granted, but regular. I know my boyfriend likes it, too, but doesn't seem to like the work that goes into it (which I understand. It's much less work as the sub.) We also don't push it very far when we do play with it, but I'm happy he's willing to.
The problem is that I know another guy I used to hook up with who knows how to push me to my limits and I'm still friendly with him and fantasize about this with him. But I don't see myself actually being with him and would not be willing to give up what I have with my boyfriend for an afternoon of subbing.
Should I bring this up with him? I want to be able to talk to my boyfriend about anything, but I don't want to offend him or have him think that I would cheat on him. I also don't want to cut connection with this guy because he's a cool guy, but it's hard not to think about him domming me.

 

[Seasoned]

If you don't cut the connection it's going to be difficult to be faithful if you're not able to get what you want at home. Don't tell your bf about being tempted by this guy but do tell him what you want and need.

 

[gangineer]

Thanks, seasoned. You always have good advice.
In my head, that's what made the most sense, but I wanted to see if that's what somebody else came up with, too. I think tempted may be too strong for the thoughts, though I may have phrased it that way. More just fantasized about that experience, which I'd be happier with getting at home than out of it, anyway.

 

[bruce379]

I'd mostly say the same thing. I'm not a fan of bdsm - I don't get it, but I always think that whenever this shit happens, somebody, a third guy should always be watching over so things don't get out of hand. That's just my take. It's a safety issue for me. I've always heard of a few accidents happening according to anecdotal evidence.

 

[EJMichaels]

I know of several couples in which one person takes care of their BDSM needs elsewhere. Some bring their mostly-vanilla partners to parties so they aren't left out of the socializing. As long as everyone involved communicates clearly and is honest about what's going on, it can work for some people.

 

[bruce379]

I know of several couples in which one person takes care of their BDSM needs elsewhere. Some bring their mostly-vanilla partners to parties so they aren't left out of the socializing. As long as everyone involved communicates clearly and is honest about what's going on, it can work for some people.

I agree. You're suggestion is ideal.

 

[justsimon]

If you don't cut the connection it's going to be difficult to be faithful if you're not able to get what you want at home. Don't tell your bf about being tempted by this guy but do tell him what you want and need.

I know of several couples in which one person takes care of their BDSM needs elsewhere. Some bring their mostly-vanilla partners to parties so they aren't left out of the socializing. As long as everyone involved communicates clearly and is honest about what's going on, it can work for some people.

Seasoned and EJMichaels both offer good insight. Talk to your boyfriend.

I have very strong bdsm fantasies and really enjoy subbing. It's a big part of what I want in sex-- not every time, granted, but regular. I know my boyfriend likes it, too, but doesn't seem to like the work that goes into it (which I understand. It's much less work as the sub.)

Since you've stated that you don't need to sub every time, maybe you and your partner can make an effort to have regular play dates (with each other). They don't have to be elaborate.

 

[Disturbance]

If you want to keep your relationship monogamous, you should discuss this with your boyfriend.
You should be tactful however.

 

[EJMichaels]

I've published an erotic story about one partner wanting something he can't get at home. I'll email a copy to anyone interested who mentions this post. The image in my sig is from the cover.