Thoughts on 34 year old and 19 year old in love?

[bigcocktheory]

Do you think this is a good thing or what are your overall thoughts on it

 

[Thomas80]

Hi, I don't see any problems without this.

 

[Cormac135]

Go for it, grind him into the ground.

 

[KaraBulut]

The poll asks a slightly different question than the subject.

If both parties are consenting adults and say they are in love, then that's their business. Good luck to them.

The questions of an LTR is a different question. They can give it a go but it's hard enough to make an LTR work, much less to have a 15 year age difference.

Relationship? Sure.

Long term? Well.... they can try.

 

[SeaCore]

I tend to think it's a bad idea because there are power dynamics involved that put the 19 year-old at a lot of risk for abuse. At 19, while a legal adult, there's a lot of experience that they probably lack about the world outside of a guardian's care and a lot of norms that haven't been established yet. And that makes it easy for someone older or more experienced to come in and establish what the 19-year-old views as 'normal', and that can be so dangerous because if the relationship ends up being toxic they might not realize that it's not something they have accept, they don't have to put up with it, and that leaving doesn't have to mean winding back up in the same situation.

It's also a lot easier to financially abuse them because they're not familiar with the numerous monetary systems that people have to navigate. The older person could lie about a financial situation, claim that taxes are involved or something like that, and more easily convince the younger person to give them money they don't need. In addition, with an age difference like this, the older person likely makes significantly more than the 19-year-old because the 19-year-old hasn't had the time to get more credentials to get a better paying position; making them more dependent on the older person.

And I guess that points to a big part of the danger, the dependence. An older person can unintentionally take for granted the skills they had to develop to get to this point in life. They've grown so accustomed to doing it that they don't give it a second thought and in trying to be helpful they'll take away moments for the younger person to grown and develop those skills too.

This is nuanced. I'm not saying it can't work, but what I am saying is that there is a level of mindfulness that need to be present that is less needed in people with similar amounts of life experience. Develop an environment that encourages questioning norms, communication, and sharing experience. And make sure that neither of you unintentionally ends up isolated from other people in your respective support networks.

 

[SC6201]

I tend to think it's a bad idea because there are power dynamics involved that put the 19 year-old at a lot of risk for abuse. At 19, while a legal adult, there's a lot of experience that they probably lack about the world outside of a guardian's care and a lot of norms that haven't been established yet. And that makes it easy for someone older or more experienced to come in and establish what the 19-year-old views as 'normal', and that can be so dangerous because if the relationship ends up being toxic they might not realize that it's not something they have accept, they don't have to put up with it, and that leaving doesn't have to mean winding back up in the same situation.

It's also a lot easier to financially abuse them because they're not familiar with the numerous monetary systems that people have to navigate. The older person could lie about a financial situation, claim that taxes are involved or something like that, and more easily convince the younger person to give them money they don't need. In addition, with an age difference like this, the older person likely makes significantly more than the 19-year-old because the 19-year-old hasn't had the time to get more credentials to get a better paying position; making them more dependent on the older person.

And I guess that points to a big part of the danger, the dependence. An older person can unintentionally take for granted the skills they had to develop to get to this point in life. They've grown so accustomed to doing it that they don't give it a second thought and in trying to be helpful they'll take away moments for the younger person to grown and develop those skills too.

This is nuanced. I'm not saying it can't work, but what I am saying is that there is a level of mindfulness that need to be present that is less needed in people with similar amounts of life experience. Develop an environment that encourages questioning norms, communication, and sharing experience. And make sure that neither of you unintentionally ends up isolated from other people in your respective support networks.

While that is a valid possibility...it is also assuming that the older is always the wiser and the younger is the naive in the relationship. Not always the case, there are a hell of a lot of very cunning young folks out here where those roles are often revered for the same manipulation.

 

[SeaCore]

While that is a valid possibility...it is also assuming that the older is always the wiser and the younger is the naive in the relationship. Not always the case, there are a hell of a lot of very cunning young folks out here where those roles are often revered for the same manipulation.

No, it's not assuming that. I in no way stated that the older person couldn't be abused. I'm pointing out concerns that are largely unique, though not entirely, to a younger person in a relationship with someone older.

In any relationship there is a risk for abuse. That is the reality. But some dynamics have higher risks for it and I'm laying out what some of the reasons for that are and to be mindful of it.

 

[cabinfever]

Consenting adults is the defining factor for the question of yes and no - so yes if you both agree.

A good idea? It depends on the two individuals involved but that is also true for any combo of people even if they are the same age.

The first thing I would ask as you specifically bring up age is if you are both attracted to each other on some level BECAUSE of age. For example - if you exclusively like younger guys - they DO grow older and men that exclusively like younger women are famous for trading them in for a younger model - no different with gay men.

As for the younger guy exclusively attracted to older guys - toxic u-haul alert is often, but not always, in order. Anyone of any age might have a toxic u-haul full of crap they are chained to but often times the younger-older dynamic has a specific set of possibilities.

Another possibility - you are both well adjusted and toxic free and you can have a successful and happy relationship.

Relationships of any kind never come with a guarantee and usually the successful ones come with alot of hard work. Good luck!

 

[MusicMan321]

That's a little bit of a age difference but if they both like eachother them for it whatever makes them happy

 

[bigcocktheory]

First of all, I am surprised by the supportive nonjudgmental advise and comments!! Thank you!

I've dated men my own age, mostly a few years older. I think he dated in high school maybe, like normal HS relationships. We've known each other for about a year. Like a few weeks before he turned 18. And have become good friends. But I had a BF who was two years younger so we never did anything, even we both liked each other when we met, kinda like cupid's arrow.

I may be 34 but "our roles" have been I'm the vers-bottom, and he is the vers-top. This isn't like I'm salivating after a young guy He's 19, and looks 19 to me anyway, but he's not like a twink or a trunk. More like normal average athletic body (he plays soccer in school)

As for being wise/naive. I'd say we are both more or less pragmatic smart/wise people. We both work, enjoy each other's company. We aren't clingy, or constantly need to be texting one another. I mean, I text him once this morning, probably text him tomorrow because we are going to the park with my dogs on a "date". Parks are opening up [quarantine]

And we both decided to be friends as of now, but sorta "on the pathway" towards a relationship which is what we both want, but not now.
I told him from the beginning that I wanted to be single and celibate for a while (he didn't know what that word meant lol, I guess thats him being so young )

He respected that, but he wanted to at least have sex, so I said yes. So I am celibate-ish, just having sex with him a few times a week, but not even every time we are together. So this isn't some wild lustful affair! It feels normal to us, and our age difference is kinda something we joke about, like when I told him I was a Freshmen in High school when he was born LMAO
But we are just friends, probably will end up being boyfriends at some point.

 

[cabinfever]

^^^^With this information I have to say from here is sounds pretty normal and healthy.

 

[xyxyxy]

That's a little bit of a age difference but if they both like eachother them for it whatever makes them happy

I agree

 

[brisklsnice]

I was very young (Legal) with a 35 year old. I always wanted him and finally he let me bend over for him. We use to visit each other 4 or 5 times a week. He was very sexy and loved my ass. Prior it was guys my age. He had a lot of experience and had the biggest I had ever had in my. Im in my 30s but even though under 18 may be legal I never would. 18 or no show. I'd prefer 20s.

 

[juicyjack]

I know everyone is different and I'm not judging anyone who chooses to do it. However, I'm almost 34 myself and with my personal life experience, I just can't see it. With a 19 year old, you are not just living with them, but their potential(good and bad). They are not a fully realized person regardless of how mature they seem. You continue to grow up(hopefully) throughout your 20s. There's so much to experience and it's so much easier for them to change. When you're in your 30's, you can still change, but you generally change because you want to, not just because.

Honestly age differences are often an issue even when the younger person isn't crazy young. I was 26 and dated a 40 year old for 3 years. At the time I didn't consider it, but there really was an off power dynamic. I was just starting my career and just starting being comfortable in my own sexuality. Again everyone is at different stages at different ages, but looking back I really realize how much the difference is was in terms of how we saw things. There's still a generational gap once you are past that 10 year difference. And it shows up, and acting like it doesn't only makes it more obvious. The guy I was with really tried to be "the cool boyfriend" but it often felt forced and he got very angry when I ever even acknowledged the age difference. I would imagine it that much worse with one partner being as young as 19. They can't even go to a bar with you. I know that may not sound like a big deal but death by a 1000 cuts. Those things get brought up often. Then you start talking about pop culture references and he just stares at you like you are a fossil. 34 is too young to feel like an out of touch old man.

 

[TX-Beau]

I agree that teenaged is not exactly adult - but it depends on the individuals.

That aside there is another issue, money. Unless the kid is independently wealthy there is an obvious (and extremely common) power issue right up front on the table.

 

[Newmercedes]

I was very young (Legal) with a 35 year old. I always wanted him and finally he let me bend over for him. We use to visit each other 4 or 5 times a week. He was very sexy and loved my ass. Prior it was guys my age. He had a lot of experience and had the biggest I had ever had in my. Im in my 30s but even though under 18 may be legal I never would. 18 or no show. I'd prefer 20s.

Hot story. Was he your first?

 

[bigcocktheory]

Well I’ll give an update as I haven’t logged on in years. Came to jerk off, boyfriend is out playing soccer ️ and came across this old post and thought how funny how it all turned out, I should update the children. So now I shall…..


I’m 37 now and he just celebrated his 23rd birthday last month.
We ended up moving in together through the years and things seem to be going swimmingly and surprisingly well.
In terms of generational differences, millennials and gen z have little differences. We watch the same typical popular tv shows, video games, anime, etc.
I’ve become “addicted” to his blowjobs which he gives daily. And yes, it’s hot have a young guy suck my cock ngl
We’re at the stage where we fart in front of each other and I’m able to be silly and goofy with him and just be ourselves.

This idea that someone for a different generation you could never get along with and you’re not having anything in common with his only something that was a phenomenon between aging baby boomers and Gen X/Millennials.
Aging Boomers in the early 2000s wanting to date young 20s Gen Xers.
But a millennial dating a gen Z, it can be done. We can both sit and watch Mean Girls and GOT with no problem. Our taste is music is typical gay pop mix music, which changed little since the 2000s.

Will our relationship last forever? I don’t know, to everything there is a season, right?
But we were talking (texting lol) one day while I was at work and he was home on his day off.
And I said no matter what I would still want you as a friend. And he agrees and says “Yes, I can never hate you.”

 

[KaraBulut]

We always appreciate when people come back and give an update.

Glad to hear things are going well.

 

[MusicMan321]

Sounds like the two of you are doing great together