Thoughts on Long Distance..

[Luxurious]

I met this amazing guy online.. He is far.

I'm in US, California
He's in EU, Netherlands

I really like him but we all know that with long distance comes trust issues. I am very trustworthy, and i just don't know if this could work. I've known people that are in long distance relationships. They've all came out to be very beautiful relationships.

I trust him, but i really want to know if anyone has any advice to share that can possibly help me make this work.

Thank god this wasn't a catfish.

 

[vidarr]

Well it depends on what you want out of it.

If all you are looking for is a phone buddy then it could work.

If you are planning to eventually move closer. I would recommend caution.
You can know a lot about a guy through talking, but until you meet him in person it's a totally different story.

After all this, if you still like each other, consider how you two will take things to the next level. How your backup plan works out if things don't go well.

There's a lot more to consider in these types of relationships compared to casual dating.

 

[vidarr]

In my case, I dated a wonderful guy who lived 1,000 miles+ away from me.

We met 3 times in the course of a year. I found myself enjoying the anticipation of when my next trip would be. Which of course lead to some amazing pent up libido lol..

But in the end it didn't work out. I was still in school for a year, and he wasn't willing to wait that long for me to move closer to him.
We had a hard conversation about our direction in life. We both cried, but decided that it was too painful to be contacting each other like we used to.

I still care about him, and email him occasionally about my life.

 

[Luxurious]

In my case, I dated a wonderful guy who lived 1,000 miles+ away from me.

We met 3 times in the course of a year. I found myself enjoying the anticipation of when my next trip would be. Which of course lead to some amazing pent up libido lol..

But in the end it didn't work out. I was still in school for a year, and he wasn't willing to wait that long for me to move closer to him.
We had a hard conversation about our direction in life. We both cried, but decided that it was too painful to be contacting each other like we used to.

I still care about him, and email him occasionally about my life.

You're right.

As for me, i really want to see where this goes. I never thought i would ever end up in this kind of relationship EVER.

I guess i'm just afraid to love someone from far away because i just don't want to be heartbroken.

I was planning on visiting for two weeks, but of course i'm waiting for him to clear up his schedule. Maybe this is enough time to decide whether i want to be with him or not..

I totally understand that a person behind a camera can be a whole different story in person. I guess this is my queue to find out his overall persona.


Thank you for your input Vidarr, this is really helpful information.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Stupid. Pointless. Impossible.

Never heard about a long-distance love affair between homosexual men that actually worked.

Get out now.

 

[aaggii]

It can work as long as you both decide to be together ´in real life´, better sooner than later. My partner and I talked online for almost 1 year (seeing each other from time to time - over 3000 km distance), but at least we knew in the end that we will move in together and will see how it goes from there. Then was when the relationship really started.

 

[jensu846]

unless you plan on seeing him regularly, it really seems like a waste of time and energy. Its fun to have an internet boyfriend but don't get all caught up and invested in it. I doubt anybody would be faithful to a guy they have never met.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, you've never met him in person correct? Long distance RELATIONSHIP has two parts to it, you have the long distance. You don't have the relationship. What you have is a pen pal. Ask yourself, should you be celibate for an avatar?

The long distance thing is difficult enough when you have an actual relationship for a foundation, and that is the only scenario - you having been in an actual relationship, before one of you moved - were commitments should ever come into play.

Unless one of you is going to move to where the other one is, how are you going to have anything but a net flirtation?

 

[Luxurious]

Stupid. Pointless. Impossible.

Never heard about a long-distance love affair between homosexual men that actually worked.

Get out now.

I hear ya.. :/ Probably should. I'm falling for this man quick and i don't want it to go any further.

 

[Luxurious]

It can work as long as you both decide to be together ´in real life´, better sooner than later. My partner and I talked online for almost 1 year (seeing each other from time to time - over 3000 km distance), but at least we knew in the end that we will move in together and will see how it goes from there. Then was when the relationship really started.

See here is the thing, I don't mind moving over. But, i don't want to move if things won't work out. That's why i was suggesting if i should visit him for a few weeks and see how it is.

 

[aaggii]

See here is the thing, I don't mind moving over. But, i don't want to move if things won't work out. That's why i was suggesting if i should visit him for a few weeks and see how it is.

You should. To me, it´s better to try, even if it fails, instead of always thinking ´what if´.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Luxurious,

I fully agree with the suggestion of #11. So visit him for a few weeks (or so) and see and experience how he is / reacts (etc.) in real life, and how the interaction between both of you is when both of you are connected to each other in real life. Such a visit will also provide you much insights about his backgrounds (friends, relatives, daily activities, etc.). Are you willing to disclose the age of both of you? No need to do this when you feel uncomfortable to disclose details about age, etc.

It is up to you and to him if you will first visit him, or that he will visit you. Have you ever visited The Netherlands (and / or another European country)? Anyway, Im Dutch and you are of course always welcome to visit The Netherlands (and the surrounding countries).

Good luck and take care.

 

[Seasoned]

This doesn't sound feasible considering you've never met, but why don't you take advantage of the opportunity to visit and meet him?

 

[Luxurious]

You should. To me, it´s better to try, even if it fails, instead of always thinking ´what if´.

I agree. I will continue to go with it and it's better trying then not even attempting.

 

[januaryguy]

My partner and I have been together for 10.5 years. He lives in US and I in Asia. We meet a few times a year and we SKYPE everyday. So far it has been GREAT.
Luxurious, you can MAKE IT WORK...Good Luck

 

[mcbrion]

I don't think long distance is impossible. In fact, I lived in San Francisco for 30 years, and in that time, aside from my lover, who eventually died, I met maybe 5 guys I would consider spending the rest of my life with. Given how big the gay population is, I learned that if you want to find Love, you have to be open to it. That said, you must also evaluate the other person's ability to connect with you in a heartfelt sense, not just out of lust. With long distance - and I've done it several times, and had no worse luck than I did when living in Gay Mecca (and this was in the '70s pre-AIDS, so there was no need to be as careful as today), you have to be more objective than you do if you're actually dating in person, where you can see the body language and you either start having feelings, or you don't. You also find out quicker in person if the guy is capable of intimacy or not.
The thing about long distance that I notice is that guys don't ask a lot of questions to determine compatibility, such as: are you an affectionate guy? Warm guy? Cool/cold temperament (a deal breaker for many guys)? Do you get along with your family? What are your viewpoints on monogamy? And: ARE you monogamous or do you like open relationships? By the time I've asked these questions (which I only ask if the other person's emails show more than the usual "you're hot" line), I have an idea of whether this is a guy who could really fall in love deeply, or someone who's superficial. If you find him trustworthy, that's a pretty good start, but you really DO have to meet. Even the nicest guys find they're not as romantically into each other sometimes after they meet, and it has nothing to do with anything other than the chemistry of face-to-face meetings, which, despite the great communication, sometimes doesn't translate into wanting to be part of a couple.