thoughts on sexuality

[logoseide]

Well this is the first day of my membership. I believe I was

acquantied with this site for some time, but today something

drew me back. I had often lived with and to some extent

denied the homosexual tendencies that reach back at least to

my early adolescence, and probably even further back. The

peculiar thing is that these feelings were relatively

transient, and after a matter of time it would be easy to

dismiss them. And yet, they have continued to crop up

periodically until my present age of 25. Even in the

intermediary periods, I would often catch myself fantasing

about touching or fellating another's penis right before I

achieved orgasm through masterbation. I must admit this

caused some residual shame. This has lessened considerably

now that I am reasonably comfortable with my sexuality - which

is, by and large, heterosexual. The key which helped me grasp

this laid in my experiences as a young man of being absolutely

infatuated with a series of girls, with whom I never had a

satisifying relationship. But it was clear to me then, that

this was a special feeling reserved for only the opposite sex.

Sexual intercourse is but a pale reflection of this wondrous

joy. But, after college, I have spent a great deal of time in

solitude, which may be partly the reason why I have let my

desires roam free with the imagination. I have come close on

several occassions to setting up a discrete encounter with a

stranger for blowjobs. Giving oral has in particular

fascinated me. I have never been initimate with another man

to this point in my life. Who knows what the future will

bring? I am most afraid of my vacillating attitudes to

homosexual acts; thinking of it thrills me at one time, but at

other I feel disgust. I am concerned that I would only be

wasting someone else's time. Also, I have doubts about the

security involved in using a website like Craigslist. I guess

I will just have to see how things turn out. Any thoughts you

would like to share would be appreciated.

 

[EvilForce]

Welcome. I guess I don't understand your fixation on trying to pigeonhole yourself. Are you bi? Are you gay? Are you conflicted? Who cares?

You may find out that stop looking at certain sex acts as taboo, they lose their appeal. Your sexuality may be 90% str8, with a 10% gay streak. Maybe it's 80/20. 70/30. Whatever. Women may be like apple pie, men like cherry pie. Maybe you prefer one or the other. Maybe you like both equally. Maybe if you have apple pie always available, you aren't interested in cherry pie.

I've had two friends of mine over the years that I was their only "homosexual experience". They would have girlfriends / wives, and we enjoyed spending time together when we could. It was just sex. Great sex mind you, but that sated their need for bisexual sex for the most part. Maybe you are that way.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Instead why don't you just focus on finding someone to love and respect regardless of which sexuality you are. Peace be with you my friend.

 

[eleven30]

I second that, EvilForce. I've had the same kind of strange coexistance with one of my best friends from high school. I have ended up being the only male experience he has, whether or not he has a girlfriend... it seems to be that from time to time he really just wants another man (leading to some interesting text messages in the mornings sometimes lol) but outside of that is completely straight. Just go with what you feel and be okay with that.

 

[reverb285]

Is it the "homosexual acts" (I hate that phrase) that you feel revulsion toward or is it the sudden reminders that the person you're having sex with is a man? Possibly you are curious to have your body experience what a woman obviously can't provide, but your mind does not want what a man represents maybe socially or symbolically. If you've never felt that infatuation that you had for those girl, for the male gender, then I think it's safe to say are are completely straight. That criteria, imo, is all you need to determine sexual orientation. Some people identify with their sexual orientation, sexual behavior or both. I've heard several people utter "oh i like dick or I like pussy". For me, I like male gender, the body parts I''ve experienced or fantasized about are secondary, and irrelevant to what I identify with.

 

[logoseide]

Sorry for the confusing script, but I had to copy and paste it from notepad since my computer kept losing the server when I clicked on submit several times, and thereby my previous efforts were lost. I think I was a little misunderstood. I am trying to free myself from crude duality such as straight and gay. I defended my "straightness" only because I have been attacked on other forums for maintaining the same. When I said that homosexual lovemaking both fascinates and disgusts me, I didn't mean for disgust to taken as a value judgment. I know gay people who see vaginas as icky. I don't take that to mean that they are misogynistic. On the whole, I have a good deal of admiration for the courage it entails to be a gay American.

I guess the pivotal question I am facing is whether I should limit my homosexual eroticism to the imagination as part of a complex inner life to draw upon, or should I seek out ways to engage outwardly in some way with gays of a liberal attitude to sex. I think the former is the wiser and more practical option. The best scenario is if I had a gay or bi friend to play around first. We could start out with mutual masturbation and work up from there. But then again, this might easily put our friendship in peril. I think I will just take life as it comes and try not to fret so much over these trifles.

 

[KaraBulut]

There is nothing wrong with being curious. There is nothing wrong with acting upon those feelings as long as you are prepared to deal with the possibility that you may enjoy the encounter.

Don't look for these encounters on Craigslist. It's the Walmart of sexual desperation.

 

[Lube]

As long as you continue to view homosexuality as wrong or dirty, you'll probably continue to avoid a more intimate relationship with another man.

The only thing I might suggest is don't jump into a sexual act or even a gay relationship just for the sake of having the experience. For me anyway, I must have a certain love and respect for the person I'm involved with first. Above anything else, you should first love yourself and remember that respect should always be the priority.

Don't look for these encounters on Craigslist. It's the Walmart of sexual desperation.

One way to get over your view of (and constant thoughts about) homosexual sex is to stop thinking about the sex part of it.

Just like straight people, gay people have emotional connections. They cuddle. They kiss. They hug. They do, indeed, love each other with all their hearts.

Maybe rather than some sex quickie on Craigslist, maybe you should find a guy that you might want to hug or kiss or have deep, long conversations with. And go from there.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

One of the questions that nag us, especially through our teens and twenties, is "What AM I?" We feel the need to figure out "what we are", so we can somehow define ourselves in terms of everybody else. So if you're mainly straight, but are having gay fantasies, you start thinking "Am I bisexual? Am I curious? What does this mean?"

It means that you're mainly attracted to women, but you've had some gay fantasies. That's all.

Must you act on those? That's up to you. I've certainly fantasized about things I've never acted on, and I don't feel the lesser for it. If you choose to give it a whirl, go for it. Just know that you're much more likely to get a "wham bam thank you Sam" than a true "homosexual connection" when you go searching online. That's just sort of the way. You can try finding a guy, build a relationship, and then take it to the bedroom, but that's a lot of work just to see if you're into it.

Lex

 

[Lube]

You can try finding a guy, build a relationship, and then take it to the bedroom, but that's a lot of work just to see if you're into it.

Lex

Good point. Let me clarify.

If you get close enough to hug, snuggle, and kiss someone--male or female--you'll pretty much know if you want to have sex or not, even if sex comes 6 months later.

If you like them as a friend, hugging & kissing won't make you feel on cloud nine. If you want to have sex with them, your body will tell you right away.

The hard part for most questioning guys is that initial closeness (even a hug or a kiss) with another guy. Once you get to that step, there won't be much question what orientation you are. And it allows you to see men in a way other than purely sexual. There are plenty of threads here decrying the state of homosexuality today (all sex, no hugging). Let's not needlessly perpetuate that.