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Thread of Nonsensical Ramblings

about to sound like a stoner saying this BUT i could go for some cheese fries right now. didn't smoke any weed either. just didn't eat enough for the day. just had two grilled cheese sandwiches and dinner for the whole day yesterday.



Cheese_Fries-3.jpg
:drool: even though it's 1 in the morning. it's not too late to make a midnight snack. the thing is i don't feel like going all the way down to shoprite in clark or pathmark in irvington to buy ingredients. it's not like i can do that anyway. i'm broke. #-o

that, an hot fudge banana split ice cream sundae with sprinkles, some hot fudge brownies fresh out the oven, burnet's bbq or nunzios, and a gallon of water.
 
yesterday, i was all happy, extremely irritable, and ready to cause world war 3 where i was thinking and feeling like whooping somebody's ass. NOW, i guess because it's cloudy outside, i feel :dead: and numb, more than likely from sleep deprivation. strange because i was sleep deprived yesterday too. not feeling happy, not feeling sad, not feeling angry, more rather indifferent. i've been having the urge to get something sweet to wake me up and get my lazy ass to the shower. *smacks self*

for the first time in ages, i feel completely uninspired to post or say something in here. hell, even if some poster would annoy the shit out of me, i don't have the energy to get them back. maybe i'm growing up or something is wrong with me. as long as i'm not doing anything that's harming myself or am out of touch with reality where i'm acting like martin lawrence waving around a pistol running down the street in 60 degree weather, i'm fine.
 
^ What you need is an activity or a group to join - some sort of social venue perhaps, or something that at least takes you out of the house.

Back a few years ago when I was at my isolated stage at home, I used to take a middle-aged relative and two of her friends out for a drive on Saturdays as part of a voluntary-related organisation. All three would normally not get out due to various issues each of them had. My point is - at least it got me out of the house and it was a nice outing if it was a sunny day. We'd often go for a bite to eat at a cafe or something. And it got me a bit of social interaction.

You already said you go to a gym so that's a good step forward. Do people talk to you there and have you made any friends?

Down here I have my walking/badminton/tenpin bowling groups. I made one fairly good friend, and plenty of aquaintances.

Whether there are many groups and clubs and organisations like that in your area, I've no idea.
 
ChickenGuy said:
^ What you need is an activity or a group to join - some sort of social venue perhaps, or something that at least takes you out of the house.

Back a few years ago when I was at my isolated stage at home, I used to take a middle-aged relative and two of her friends out for a drive on Saturdays as part of a voluntary-related organisation. All three would normally not get out due to various issues each of them had. My point is - at least it got me out of the house and it was a nice outing if it was a sunny day. We'd often go for a bite to eat at a cafe or something. And it got me a bit of social interaction.

You already said you go to a gym so that's a good step forward. Do people talk to you there and have you made any friends?

Down here I have my walking/badminton/tenpin bowling groups. I made one fairly good friend, and plenty of aquaintances.

Whether there are many groups and clubs and organisations like that in your area, I've no idea.
Click to expand...

about the social activities, i dunno with what social activities i can get involved with. i actually went down to the town hall 2 years ago and got involved with some committee which i don't even get involved in. i get extremely shy when i'm in a group where i just shut down and won't even say a word to anybody. that, top with not being confident with what to say, i just won't say a word. the thing about this place is that everything is spread out, far and few inbetween. you have to go out and search for it. if you don't have a car or money, then you're assed out so it's like why even bother to begin with?

i go to the gym with my brother and my friend whenever they're available to go. even though i'm shy and etc, somehow believe it or not, i can actually be sociable when i reach a comfort zone though i prefer to interact with people one on one and sometimes in a group, if i know everybody well enough. i also actually attract people towards me instead of reaching out to people to. a lot of times, i don't even seek it friends or people to talk to. it just happens. i'll say something or they'll say something and before you know it, we're talking and then we're friends. however, i am not good at keeping contact with people as in my shyness will come in and i'll shut down so i'll have a bunch of people that i should be saying hello to, keep touching bases with but i don't say anything to them. there's tons of numbers on my cell phone of people that i haven't said things to in months. it's ridiculous. it's not intentional. it's that i'm scared and the easiest way to deal with that is staying quiet. :( anxiety is terrible. i wish to be a more social person where i can talk to everybody without being afraid and keep in contact with folks but something in me just keeps me from doing it.

and like i said, over here pretty much sucks. there's virtually nothing to do. you have to look everywhere and IF you don't live in an area, have money, or let alone have reliable transportation to even get there, you can find yourself at home chilling alone. the same thing applies to work. your options are limited over here. the only good thing is that nyc is an hour away so that makes up for it.

i'm talking a whole lot about myself and etc where it sounds like i'm self centered and making excuses for the way i am. i apologize for that but i'm just saying, i don't wish to be this way BUT at the same time, everytime i push for better, it seems like it's not enough. this is why i'm trying my hardest to go to a psych ward to figure if there's a problem or something i could do because i could have been doing a whole lot of big things eons ago if my head was in the right place. however, i'm scared to change and worst off, i actually have people that are encouraging me to stay this way and at the same time, act like i can simply change at the drop of a hat. as if i'm not doing with anything. it's annoying.
 
speaking of dead animals, i saw something yesterday that fucked me up and still is in my head now.

well, yesterday, my mom and me were heading over to the supermarket to go food shopping for the house. we were talking and i don't know what happened, i was talking about my issues. wait, basically, it started off with my mom telling me that i could have got a seasonal job by now and i needed to work now. it went on to her talking about herself, how her life was back in the day and etc compared to me and mine. at some point, i got annoyed and tried to explain with her how the issues that i left unchecked back in the day had ultimately led to me basically sabotaging myself being scared of change where i think i should sort help. i was basically trying to tell her that she wasn't understanding me and could have be more supportve towards me going out to seek help instead of telling me to brush my feelings and issues under the rug like how she always done. she thought that i was blaming her and then shegot annoyed where she said, not in these words but something like "i don't care. leave me the fuck alone. get out of my fucking life. move on with yours. if you feel like killing yourself, go ahead". i got really upset and we both pretty much were at odds.

okay, we go shopping and head out where she drives out the parking lot to the street. there, we saw a dead pigeon and what i believe to be its mother standing over the body. the pigeon had just died as it was ran over, probably by a dickhead driver, you know how it is out here in new jersey. a lot of aggressive drivers driving crazy simply to go down the street. they have to get their by the second, not the minute. anyways, despite all the car traffic that was passing real close where the mother could have got ran over, she stayed there not even moving at all. it was almost like wow. that just made me a little emotion in a sense because that pain was universal and that mother had lost her child. basically murdered. she looked around, standing over the child spreading the wings across the body. it just made me feel worse than i already was feeling.

eeriely, i felt like it was like a symbolism or a promotion. the strangest thing is my mom had a dream about a year ago where she said that her and me were on the beach. some huge wave came and it dragged me into the water. my mom said that she was trying to reach for me out in the water trying to pull me out but she lost me and i drowned. she then was being consoled by somebody and they asked her if she was okay. she said something like "i lost my son, what do you think?" that dream scared the shit out of me. almost like she thinks i'm going to die soon or something.

with that said, we both said the mother mourning over its child and that's when her and me started talking again, basically trying to understand each other instead of arguing and coming to a compromise. i know i'm going to die. i just hope i don't die before i get to start living my life first.
 
Ho, ho, the mistletoe
Hung where you can see
Somebody waits for you
Kiss them once for me .

- Burl Ives, "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas"

The next time I'm at a party, and I see someone under the mistletoe, I'm giving them a lengthy, sloppy, inappropriate kiss. As I pull away and see their utterly shocked and confused expression, I'll wipe the excess slobber from my lips and face, and pant "That was from BURL IVES!"

Lex
 
shutterstock-woman-sex-orgasm.jpg


Disney-simba.jpg


anybody see the resemblance? looking at simba got me wanting to sing the beginning of the circle of life song. you know, the one where the dude at the beginning says "awww kenya" and some other words that were a huge huh.
 
This occured to me years ago but the death of Patrick Moore reminded me of it.
If you were called Pat Moore you could arrange to marry someone with the surname Patmore and hyphenate it so your married name would be Pat Moore-Patmore. Or you could hyphenate it the other way round and be Pat Patmore-Moore.
 
^ No, I just had a look. Not to find out if I was on it, but to see what it was. There are two SayHeys: one's for devotees of Kylie Minogue, the other is for the hearing impaired. Which one do you mean?
 
Wherever there's style, class, sophistication and glamour you'll find the Essex boys.
 
Actually, it's a Forum and it's called CE&P.
 
i MOTHERFUCKING love porn. thank you to the studios of randy blue. i really NEEDED that. i used to think porn was garbage a year ago because i couldn't get off to straight porn BUT my mind has completely changed choking my chicken to gay porn. i'm busting nuts that i never imagined possible. sheit, i FEEL good. my dick feels even better. the thing i love about gay porn is that i could chose who to jerk off to. whether it's the bottom or the top or both. sometimes the bottom is hotter than the top, sometimes the top is hotter than the bottom, sometimes they both are hot. sometimes, the porn is wack BUT there's too much to chose from. i can also jerk off to solos and etc.

i'll never understand why anybody would want to quit masturbating ever. the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself is yourself. ;) i'll never forgive myself for putting myself through all those no masturbation periods back in 2001 to 2005. i was being stupid. #-o i'll never stop masturbating even if i get a fuck buddy or a boyfriend. i'm not going to have sex every single day so i'm going to keep myself company.

i'll never stop jerking off until i die.
 
Essex Boy said:
^ No, I just had a look. Not to find out if I was on it, but to see what it was. There are two SayHeys: one's for devotees of Kylie Minogue, the other is for the hearing impaired. Which one do you mean?
Click to expand...
Of course the site names are most likely an homage to "Say Hey" Willie Mays, the great AllStar baseball player from another time.
 
khujo goodie might hatify me for saying this but i still got that oink oink moo moo and foul foul foul foul on my fork. i love eating those dead birds and i love me some ribs cut off of dead cows too. i'll never eat a human though. let all the albert fishes, gary heidniks and earthworm jims do their work with that. props to anybody that can be a vegetarian or a vegan. i love meat too much to do it.
 
2002 was 10 years ago. scary. :cry: 10 years ago, i thought i won the war against homosexuality because i made myself have a crush on a girl who was a grade lower than i was. i really wanted to have sex with her so i can validate myself. shit didn't go as i hoped. 10 years later, i've accepted the truth. also remember buying this game after christmas. got the ps2 and tekken tag for christmas because i was doing well in school. actually made the honor roll. :p hadn't made the honor roll since i was in middle school.

 
cutlres wot a custom handshake is make a penis bigga or it longa or thicker got it
thickalongas

no read this if ya just discova handshakin custom cause

thankyou
 
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