Threesome/open relationship?

[argomac]

Ok so my boyfriend and I are coming up on our three year anniversary this summer (and the first anniversary of his 29th birthday, ha ha ha). Neither of us have been in a relationship this long.
Through a variety of recent developments and chats, etc, it has transpired that he and I have been thinking similar thoughts, but worried about telling each other for fear of what the other guy will think....

Neither of us have cheated on each other, although I'm sure there's been some pretty imaginative stuff online for example, which doesn't bother me in the slightest. I think what has happened though is that we're both a little curious about being with other people. We love each other, that much I know, and have invested a lot in our relationship.
Gradually through talking about it, it's become clear that being with others is a possibility.
I'd like us to play together. Possibly for selfish reasons, but watching him make out with another hot guy in front of me would turn me on, as would getting spitroasted, or double-penetrated, or having a couple of hot guys take turns with me would be great!
He'd like to see me with another guy, possibly taking on a role that I don't take on in our relationship (if you know what I mean), and gets turned on at the thought of me with someone else. So it's fairly clear that getting someone else into the fun side of things would be easy enough. Question then just becomes finding the right guy (should we hold auditions?!)
The other avenue of course is seeing other people. This I'm not too sure about. I worry what it would mean about our relationship. Would we tell each other everything? If not, would we lie to each other? And what if we started forsaking each other for the guy(s) on the side? what if it was one guy all the time? would that make it an affair?

As you can tell, this is the bit that worrying me! If you've read to here, congratulations and well done, but can I have your thoughts please?

 

[babbs]

Congrats on your upcoming anniversary (my bf and I will be celebrating 3 this fall ourselves), but you should be congratulated even more for having open, honest communications with him. Either one of you could have easily gone behind the other's back and started fooling around - but by simply talking to each other you've found you share the same feelings. That to me is a huge turn on. Bravo.

I'd say avoid going off on your own and playing sepeartely. I think that would hurt someone. What if one gets more play than the other, or worse yet, catches something not so pleasant. Clearly you love each other and I'm sure that neither of you would want to see the other one get hurt.

So, I say go at it together -- and make that the number one rule, even if it's you sitting in the corner watching your bf pound another guy.

Pick up a guy (or another couple) that you both are in to at a bar. Post an ad online. Just remember at the end of the day who it is that loves you deep down inside, not just for your cock or hot looks. Don't ruin that.

Just my two cents.

 

[RicanDAB]

Communication is key in a relationship and you both have that which is GREAT! Approaching a threesome with this in mind, I don't believe there should be any major problems. I say that only because by opening your sexual relationship to include other men you're taking a risk (albeit a small one but still there) that someone is going to fancy someone on the other side of the fence ... I have seen it happen to friends before, those that have not adequately prepared themselves for this. Acknowledging this possibility, talking about it and developing a Plan B will bring you a long way toward doing this the right way.

Open relationship? It's a bad idea, and THAT I know from personal experience. If you're committed to staying together, there's no need to venture out and forage apart. It's bound to bite y'all in the ass. Spending romantic time with one guy while seeing others has a funny way of certainly tipping the scales in one direction or another.

As long as you guys have thoroughly talked about the threesome and it's bound to bring you some more excitement ... I say go for it (SAFELY)

 

[Eagle653]

I think engaging in a 3-some is very different than an open relationship where each can have sex on the side. The latter is usually done under the guise of "I love you and will always be yours, but 'innocent' sex on the side is fine." That's usually a code for deeper relationship problems lurking, and it rarely works out long term (not impossible, but rare).

Anyway, I am partnered and we were engaged in a 3-some twice and even a 5-some once (that was spontaneous and wild). Anyhow, both 3-somes involved massage therapists from whom we were getting massage lessons. We kinda new something like this would happen, and it did. The good part was it was spontaneous, fun, erotic, and basically got that out of our systems. The other good part was that it was someone who was an acquaintance, but not a close friend we had to disentangle from or re-change the relationship. I don't think we could have done this with a close friend because it would have been awkward, especially when we tired of it.

Some couples do this, and emphasize the spontaniety of it all. For example, they go to a gay resort, meet some people, and fool around (my hairdresser is picked up as a 3rd frequently in these settings). Others pick an acquaintance from a bar. Or, like we did, a massage therapist...someone you trust, but aren't terribly close to.

Good luck. Just be clear with yourselves about what you're doing and what this is (and is not) about. Let us know what happens!

 

[Tar_Heel-n-ATL]

I agree with most of the above ... almost 15 years for us and we tried the 3-some gig after a few years as well. Still do it from time to time (or play a little with other couples) - usually on vacation. As long as you are both honest about your boundaries, it can be fun and hot! Enjoy!

ps - hope you have similar tastes in men - that helps a lot so one of you isn't always taking one for the team!

 

[dexyboi86]

I will repeat what was said above...threesomes are fun, but I wouldn't do the 'seeing other people' stuff.

 

[bluedragon4]

I WAS in a relationship like that for 5 years.At 1st we had rules but trust me rules quickly get thrown out in the heat of the moment. In it I thought it was great till my bf got H.I.V. and I realised what a big joke we were. People thought we were hookers or trash. My bf slept with my best friend behind my back and he also got H.I.V. as did his boyfriend.I have no clue if those two are even still alive. I wasn't into anal at all with my bf or anyone else. I was always more oral. So I never got it but I watched all kinds of guys fuck him thinking it was hot. Yeah, real hot! My bf got infected so many times by different men that he ended up looking like he was dying of cancer cause he was so thin.And he was a big butch guy.(he is still alive and doing well on meds) Even after he got H.I.V. I tried to stay but by then I hated him a bit (cause of our sex life and his "great" idea to fuck around) and he was always more into the 3-ways and we couldn't function as a normal couple by just having sex with each other. And he knew he was going down a path that I could not follow no matter how much I loved him. He even hated me for not getting it and couldn't look at me. We knew many couples who were together for as long as 10 years doing this but really aren't you only roommates with a fake relationship? I was total trash and so were they. This was 10 years ago. I left the city I was in cause the gossip about us was out of hand. Strangers would tell me it must be hard to be young with A.I.D.S. No one believed me that i was clean so to even start dating would have been a mess. Everyone around me was infected cause it was a free for all in our sex life. But being the only non infected one(thank God!!!) it wasn't my experience. I could no longer relate to these people. I started a brand new life and still was a whore but not one with a boyfriend. You really can't have both and you are setting gay rights back. You can't have your cake and eat it to.
My new bf( together 4 and a half years) and I don't play around and people respect us and we respect each other and our relationship means something.I know our love is real and true cause I don't long for other men. If you wanna see other guys than see them as a single man. I really think open relationships are about immaturity and not sex. Time to grow up or get out. Cause once this has started you have no idea where it could take you.

 

[argomac]

"even if it's you sitting in the corner watching your bf pound another guy."

I found this an incredibly hot thing to say.

Yes well I can highly recommend him.
I dunno, I think that it's like any other fantasy: great horny idea in your head, but the reality is a little different.
Maybe nothing will happen. I'm sure we're both sensible enough to play safe - there's probably a lot more preparation and communication to go....

 

[lifeisamazing]

Open relationships are for fools. If you love him, and absolutely love him, and you trust him...you shouldn't allow him or yourself to be with another man. If you think thats a solution, then there is a flaw somewhere your relationships design? Someone isn't happy with the other.

Like said above, Communication, talk things out...cover all your bases. You don't want to have a three some and open relationship then realize your bf or even yourself falls for another...and then your last three years meant nothing, but just entertainment.

 

[spreadeagle]

I suggest you look online for another commited gay couple who are wanting to pursue the same interests.