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Threesome with my boyfriend

This may sound "crude", but don't overthink this! I've learned that most of our regrets come from what we DIDN'T do! #-o

If you UP for it, which sounds like you are, GO for it! It might be one of the most amazing things of your Life! (!w!)

What may happen LATER is just that ... Later! And, who can say what that might be? :confused:

"Cape Diem!" Sieze the Day! (!)

What will be will Be! But, if you balk at ever having it happen it will Never "BE"! ](*,)

Trust your initial instincts, and follow your Heart! Sometimes it's a "Good Thing" to listen to your "Little Head"! ..|

And, if things take a different turn, You have a lot of time to realize an optimate! At least you'll KNOW, rather than wondering, what "could have been". ;)

I say, "Go for IT!" (!w!) (group)

And, of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
I wouldn't take advice from other people. If you want to do it then do it, if you don't, then don't.
 
OK is that been together for two months, or started dating two months ago.

If you've known him a long time and just started dating him that's one thing, but if you've only known him for two months, that's something else entirely.
 
That's a strange rationalization. I've been there both with my partner and without. But here's the thing, everyone involved has to be on the same page.

Never do this just because you think he wants it, you have to want it too, or you'll end up resenting him for it.
 
I had a boyfriend who wanted a threesome relatively early. I had had one previously, and he was jealous. From the beginning, it was a pretty serious relationship. I said I didn't want to right now, and he said ok. We waited 3 years, and then had one with one of his friends on a very drunk night. Didn't change anything. My advice is not to do it too early. Make sure you guys are really secure with each other.
 
If you don't want to have a threesome don't have one. Tell him you wouldn't feel comfortable. If you he cares about you he'll understand.
 
OK so this isn't about the threesome.

Have you talked this out? If that's the case then he doesn't want a threesome, he wants other guys.

There is no such thing as "a proper go," either he wants to develop your relationship, or he doesn't. If he doesn't, hanging on isn't going to change that.

You think he wants to leave, you want him to give you the time to change his mind, that's not a very high probability.

I suspect that if you've covered this ground, he's not committed to you, and you'd probably do better to give him his freedom and walk.
 
I am at a loss when it comes to writing on the three way issue and that is why I usually weigh in anyway. I try not to be judgmental but being a sex object isn't one of my goals in life and even if all three of you don't feel that way when it's over someone is still putting on their pants and leaving. Anything missing the next day? Is he texting either of you? Have you seen him out?

Is your partner wondering why he was left out? However next time he'll get to pick the guy.

We are human with different notions of fidelity.
 
My advice: If you're looking for sex outside the relationship, then there's something wrong within the partnership of the two of you. You might want to consider strengthening your own relationship and sexual desires first before bringing someone else in. A content couple doesn't need a third when they truly love each other. Sounds like you're both very young and want to play around. Do what you gotta do, but IMHO, it's not a smart idea, because it indicates much deeper "stuff" going on.
 
lucky7 said:
It's only 2 months into the relationship... why is he so desperate already to have sex with someone else?
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^^
We were together seven years before we went into a trio.
The truth is that lasted in a 3-way for more than a whole year
and it finished badly. But you have to live your experiences kerz.
 
This relationship is not working. The doubts you have expressed is a red flag in this situation.
 
I won't say "don't go there" like so many others.

But if you do go there, choose a guy that's already attached or one visiting from out of town. Make it a one or two time thing. See how it goes. Decide between the two of you if you want to repeat the experience.

BTW, it can be a fun filled time...
 
kerz12 said:
Not sure if this is the right Forum but here it goes! My boyfriend of two months wants to have a threesome with me and someone else. He's never had one before and would really like to try it.
I said I think it would ruin our relationship but at the same time really want to try it, however I just don't want our relationship to fall apart. Just need some advice on what could happen if we do it and whether it's a good idea or not. I really don't want to end up losing him.
Click to expand...

The fact that you are uncertain about the 3 way and that you imply that your relationship could be damaged if you don't have the 3 way is probably good reason to give some thought to the long term prospects for this relationship.

It doesn't sound very promising- the 3 way or the prospects.
 
Just_Believe18 said:
This relationship is not working. The doubts you have expressed is a red flag in this situation.
Click to expand...

This is it!

I really don't understand all the advice to wait until the relationship is more stable, but then I don't really understand all this need for third party sex anyway.

The relationship is doomed and the OP knows it. He expresses it over and over in his posts. At 2 months you haven't even explored much of your relationship, let alone the sexual side of it. Your fears are legitimate--don't get anymore emotionally involved than you are now or you are going to get hurt. Your bf is looking for sex and you are looking for love. You better look somewhere else.
 
Agreed. Look elsewhere. It's not just because of the threesome itself, but the bf obviously doesn't care about the future of the relationship. And the stuff about still loving his ex is a worry. It will hurt to move on, but I'd move on before you get even more hurt.
 
soreknees said:
I am at a loss when it comes to writing on the three way issue and that is why I usually weigh in anyway. I try not to be judgmental but being a sex object isn't one of my goals in life and heven if all three of you don't feel that way when it's over someone is still putting on their pants and leaving. Anything missing the next day? Is he texting either of you? Have you seen him out?

Is your partner wondering why he was left out? However next time he'll get to pick the guy.

We are human with different notions of fidelity.
Click to expand...

I've always wondered about those two things when it comes to threesomes. It just seems like jealousy between the couple can arise if the third guy prefers one over the other. And jealousy often leads to disaster and to crazy partners making up stories in their heads.
 
In a relationship, it's hard to bring a person up to your "emotional" level, so sometimes you have to meet them halfway at theirs.

I say have the threesome. Who knows how things could work out between you two in the long run but if your guy doesn't seem like he wants to put a ring on it, then it really can't do much harm. It could make you two closer in a different way...maybe.

But threatening to break up because he's asking already shows what the answer is. Fuck two guys before you end up fucking none.
 
I find it very interesting how many people define a "Relationship" in different ways. Do you see "Relationship" as confining/restrictive, or a mutual exploratory sharing without boundaries? Getting to Know (completely) each other?

"My" Kev, and I, have been together for nearly 29yr. And, yes, when we First defined ourselves as being in a "Relationship", we were thinking in the traditional, heterosexual, "norms" concerning "Fidelity".

However, our "Relationship" has changed, evolved, morphed, over time, through all of the experiences we have been through together.

Eventually, we discovered that our serving "The Relationship" was putting some stress on our relating to each other! And, as we began talking about that, and being open and honest about our feelings, desires, and expectations, we realized that physical fidelity did not have to be the defining factor of our emotional fidelity. Sex was a very poor defining factor to pin what we Felt about ourselves on. Our "Relationship" went far beyond just our dicks!

We do not OWN each other! We are together because we WANT to be, not because we HAVE to be! We are not concerned about lineage or heritage. And, the idea of "cheating" was not about what we might be doing, but rather what we might be trying to keep Secret from the each other. And, those "secrets" were also more than just about sex.

We were not sharing a lot of things because of what we feared the other might think! We were slowly, bit by bit, weakening our "Relationship" out of our worrying about possibly harming that very "Relationship"! #-o

SO ... We made a pact, a "Deal". No more secrets, of any kind! If we were feeling/thinking it, we let the other know and talked about it. No judgements. No condemnations. We would take a pure, open, honest look, thus becoming faithful to our true selves, no matter what "other" concerns might be raised. Acceptance without preconceived restraints.

THAT was not as easy as it sounds! However, because of that, our "Relationship" was made even stronger!

Are we still "physically exclusive"? Uh, no! Are we still "bonded" to each other? Uh, Yes! And, that Bond is stronger now than it ever was before! We hold each other close with open arms.

SO ... Your BF was Honest with you about his desire/curiosity in trying a Threesome. Does that mean your "Relationship" is doomed? Well ... that all depends on what you think a "Relationship" is, and what is more important.

Is it in defining, and doggedly adhering to, a preconceived notion of a "Relationship"? Or, is it about being honest and open, and building/growing a "Relationship", however that might develop, or not?

I hope this is making some sense.

Of course ... and this is Important ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz :D
 
The gay argument against gay marriage and the one the Bette Midler used against it was this very notion of the difficulty of sexual exclusivity. In July my partner and I will be together 28 years. We needed to be exclusive to bond the way we wished to bond.

So the issue is very situational depending upon the couple. Movie stars fall in love after a sex scene with bright lights and a crew. There are also issues of sex addiction.

What if the guy you are messing around with isn't as free to mess around with as you?

I know this will sound judgmental, but I'm saying it for myself because it is titillating thinking I'd be able to have carte blanche, but I want my relationship to be more about the china pattern we picked out and any pets we may have.
 
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