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Threesome...

M

MarioTwin

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Okay, so my boyfriend has been asking me if I wanted to have a threesome with this other guy that has become both of our good friends. He has been asking for a while and I have been saying no because one I have mixed feelings about it and two I dont think that a threesome is something people in a long lasting relationship have (just my opinion). I wanted to know if any couples here has had a threesome and what affects it had (if any) on the relationship.

I know that if I dont want one then thats it just say no and what not but I am not looking for that type of response. Thanks for the information in the future though!
 
If he's been asking for a while, and you've been saying no for a while, your boyfriend needs to either let the matter drop, or let you drop.

I personally haven't had a threesome. I only know one couple who did. The couple broke up and the guy who instigated the threesome ended up with the third party. And I sort of have a feeling that's where this one is headed.

Lex
 
I've been the third a few times. It had no effect that I know of. But then, it was "just a threeway" nothing more was expected by me. They were just good friends, enjoyed a little something different, and so it happened. But, both parties really wanted it to happen, and were committed to each other. I was a friend, but neither was romantically interested in me. Maybe therein lies the difference.
 
I myself have been in threesomes numerous times with a couple who are great friends. And that's the keyword: we're just friends. I guess it really does depend on the situation and the relationship between the three people involved.

Although I do like their friendship, I'm not in love with either of them, so we all know that when we're having threesomes, there are no other motives being played out: it's just what it is... a couple and their friend going at it.
 
^ QFT. It takes a certain type of person/personality to take part in a threesome. A personality that it doesn't appear you have.

Lex
 
I know a gay married couple who have threesomes all the time. For them, it seems like the way to keep their relationship last. Neither of them would ever sleep with anybody else if their partner isn't involved.

I've actually had a threesome and it was a bit awkward since I got ALL the attention. They hardly touched each other, even when I asked them to.

I guess it just depends on how strong your relationship is.
 
The important thing in this thread is that your boyfriend wants you to do something that you have a lot of reservations about doing.

If your boyfriend cannot respect your wishes and your values, then you need a better boyfriend.

The experiences of other people is of little relevance. It's your values and your discomfort with the threesome that are all that matters.
 
He knows it bugs me when he brings it up. He doesn't do it often and when he does he knows i get mad about it. Last time I was fed up and straight out told him that it bugs me that he keeps bringing it up.

I just wanted a little background information on the whole threesome thing. I just dont really know what is going on right now with my boyfriend and mine's relationship. Things are getting a little rocky and when he brought it up it just makes me think that he doesnt want to be with me and wants to be with someone else kind of ordeal. I just dont really know...

I think I am just heading for some rought times and I really don't have anyone to just talk to about what I am feeling or thinking you know?

This is just one thing that has been on my mind and what not and I cant seem to much make sense of it, nor anything else for that matter.
 
I've never been in a threesome but I'm pretty sure I know what you mean. My bf, who is a "ex-slut," has told me lots of his slutty past and his open relationships and every time it always left me uncomfortable until one time he explain it clearly to me. He told me that he "might be out having sex with other people but his 'bf' is the one he spends the night with and watches 'Sex and the city' with. Sex is something natural that everyone desires so why deny it." Having that said, I completely understand his point of view but I'm the jealous type and I can never accept to a threesome (at the moment). You have to consider what kind of boyfriend you are before deciding whether or not you want to go on with this. Are you the one who is open to anything and give something new a try or are you the type who are jealous and can not stand the idea of having someone else have sex with your boyfriend.
 
the thing is he is MY boyfriend, not anyone elses. If he was going to have sex with anyone else, or even kiss anyone else, then he is no longer with me, the end.

I just dont understand it though. We have been together for almost three years now. Now it seems like he no longer wants to be intimate with me... Like he use to always want to have sex or anything less whenever the oppurtunity arised. Now we are on our own rooming together in a new enviornment and we havent even come close to it yet. I just dont get it. Then when he brings up the idea of a threesome it discourages me even less because he would love to get intimate with someone else then just me... Am I wrong to think this?

I feel like I am taking crazy pills.
 
Then it's probably best that you don't engage in a threesome. If you feel like something is wrong with your sex life, just ask him about it. I'm sure he has a perfectly ridiculous answer to explain why he isn't in the mood for it. -- My boyfriend never or rarely sucks my cock (and I didn't even notice it until months into the relationship) and I've asked him why... turns out he's not into sucking and enjoys rimming more. -- You're not wrong to think this way and neither should you neglect yourself to the explanation. Ask your boyfriend if he brings it up and work things out from there. Communication is key... yeah, I know; it's a cliche...
 
MarioTwin said:
Then when he brings up the idea of a threesome it discourages me even less because he would love to get intimate with someone else then just me... Am I wrong to think this?
Click to expand...

MarioTwin... first off its great to have you here and posting. And I'm really glad you can feel comfortable here talking... its a great place... and a safe one too.

But sometimes you might not like the advice... its hard when your hearts involved... but we're all well intentioned trust me... and this could be one of them.

Its time you talked to openly and honestly with your boyfriend. Because mate, this isnt about a 3-some... The 3-some might be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak but it sounds to me like your realtionship is in dire need of a good long hard conversation with openness and dare I say it - bluntness... and I think you know it.

For both of you this topic represents all thats wrong with the 2 of you - for him its boredom and a supposed lack of interest in you if what your saying is anything to go by, and for you its an issue of trust and intimacy.

And I'd almost bet none of those things are the core issue. They are just the symptoms of the problem. Happy couples don't keep asking each other questions that piss them off, or get pissed at those questions if something isn't eating at them.

Theres only one thing worse than having someone cheat on you MarioTwin... and thats having them lie to you and treat you with so little respect that they stay in a dead realtionship because they are too scared to move on.

Both of you guys need to take stock and ask yourself whats going on because clearly theres issues. It takes a big man to admit theres a problem but mate, best you do that now before you waste any more of your life in an unhappy realtionship that without some serious talk and work looks headed for trouble. You deserve to be loved and cherished mate... and for whatever reason thats not happening. So you've either got to fix it or get out. Lifes too short and happiness is worth a little short term pain.
 
I would say that since your relationship with the bf seems about over and done with anyway, what could the threesome thing do except put the final nail in the coffin, so why not agree and just get it all over and done with?

You realize of course that it wouldn't be about the sex. It would be about competing to see who got to keep your good friend.

I think it is time for each of you to be looking for the type of relationship you'd actually like to be in and stop causing one another more pain before it only gets horrible.
 
I agree with Rareboy.

There is something deeper about your relationship than the question of the threesome. You are having problems and your relationship may be coming to an end. You kind of sense it. After three years, your boyfriend has lost interest in you physically. He is sexually attracted to your friend, and wants to have sex with him and feels a threesome with you wouldn't be considered cheating.

This threesome will be the catalyst that ends your relationship. Be true to yourself and continue to say no. However, you cannot maintain the status quo. The two of you need to have a talk about intimacy, and decide what kind of relationship you want to have.
 
We have had threesomes, and I know other couples who have them - all with varying years in relationships... and it's just a small part of a couple's sex life. The relationships all appear strong (I can't vouch for any other than my own), and both boyfriends wanted to 'play' together with a third guy/friend without any romantic stuff. Neither gets jealous of seeing the other with someone else; in fact it's a turn on. So if seeing your partner sucking a bud's cock will freak you out, it likely isn't for you. ;)

Another main difference I see is you feel rough times are coming and not having the stable relationship with communication is obviously not a good thing; add to it doing something you have reservations about doing when you feel the sex/intimacy is missing from your relationship. Sounds like a bad idea.

Just my .02 Hope things work out for you.
 
Is it possible to have a threesome and maintain a long term relationship? Yes it's possible, but not likely. Typically unexpected feeling arise and things just go south. When both partners are really into the three way idea it can actually spice up a relationship. It all really depends on the people involved.
 
he's asked you numerous times to have a 3some with the same guy? You do realize that in a sense he's begging for your permission to have sex with this guy, right? Not a good situation.
 
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