Threesome?

[epod85]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years now. We are both relatively young but have dated other people before we met each other. He, however, has not had analsex with anybody except for me. This has apparently become an issue for him and he says that he is "curious" to what other guys feel like. He swears up and down that he doesn't want an open relationship and that sleeping with another guy wouldn't feel right (whew) So instead he wants to try a threesome with my ex. At first I was freaked out. Then I looked around a bit and thought the idea was kinda hot, now I'm freaked out again. I'm not sure if I'll be alright with the idea of someone else screwing my boyfriend, I'm not sure if I wouldn't be alright with it either (hey I would be part of it after all) Anyone have any stories or advice?

 

[FuzzyWuzzy75]

At least he doesn't want to sneak around on you. Maybe after this one time he'll be satisfied and that'll be the end of it. Or you both enjoy it so much you do it again. Either way, as long as everyone's into it, I say go for it!

 

[DragOneON]

There's a lot going on there. Your current wants to have a threesome with you and your ex?

Honestly, there aren't better candidates for a threesome than your current and ex?

A threesome doesn't make your relationship open, but a threesome with your ex sure as shit makes it complicated.

If you want to have a threesome, and that seems hot to you, then go for it. Personally, I'd leave your ex out of it. Obviously you aren't comfortable with part of it by posting.

An open relationship doesn't mean fuck every time i feel like it. It means to me that I acknowledge the fact that we will always find others attractive. Choose to act on that or not. If I choose to do so... I also do so with my partner's feelings in my mind.

Honestly, an open relationship is a lot of work.

And a lot of respect.

M

 

[epod85]

There's a lot going on there. Your current wants to have a threesome with you and your ex?

Honestly, there aren't better candidates for a threesome than your current and ex?

A threesome doesn't make your relationship open, but a threesome with your ex sure as shit makes it complicated.

I dunno it was his idea. He rightfully claims that this guy is the only one we both find mutually attractive. Neither of us has really spoken to the guy except through various internet methods (and even then sparingly)

Honestly I don't think I'm uncomfortable with the "ex" factor. We never dated long enough for any feelings to have formed.

 

[Rolyo85]

Haha, the good old "is it wrong to have a threesome?" question. Sadly the only answer is "it is if you think it is and it isn't if you think it isn't". I've discussed it with my boyfriend, and we're both pretty open to the idea. To my mind it is ok as long as we're both together and participating. Plus, from the top's perspective, it can be kinda hot seeing the other one get fucked in front of you

 

[ben9651]

To me I think its rather inappropriate .. I mean if your bf loves you ,why would he wanna try something else with another dude ?! its not all about sex!
Dunno,to me it doesnt make sense!

 

[Just_Believe18]

In my experience, this is the beginning of the end.

I have seen many monogamous relationships go down this path over the years. Almost all of them end up breaking up. Every circumstance is different, but there are serious problems that start when relationships branch out into threesomes, foursomes, or other "open" scenarios. It's a slow admission that the current relationship is not satisfying anymore. Usually this is reflective of incompatibilities that always existed, but after a few years, begin to become tiresome for one partner or another.

In your case, both of you started a relationship very young, and the best, most horny years of your life are beginning to fade away. Your partner is feeling what all of us single guys feel: "there's a lot of hot guys out there." Technology has exasperated these feelings where it's so easy to get caught up in online profiles, GPS gay phone applications like Grinder, etc.

Unfortunately, I have not found a solution to this predicament. It seems to slowly eat away at a relationship and is irreversible once it starts to happen. My best guess is to preserve and protect the relationship as best you can by avoiding scenarios or circumstances that tempt the relationship.

This is your relationship. This is your bond that you have with another person. Injecting a third party, be it casual, friend, ex, or lover, intrudes on that exclusive connection you have with your boyfriend. It does change your relationship, the dynamic of its boundaries, and the love you share with that person.

Remember, you are only gaining sex out of a threesome. Is it really that important?

 

[Aymotin]

My best guess is to preserve and protect the relationship as best you can by avoiding scenarios or circumstances that tempt the relationship.

If your relationship needs to be protected, preserved and stored in a warm place without to much and to less light or loud noise....maybe it´s not a strong relationship? More something you want to have because people have to have one?

This has apparently become an issue for him and he says that he is "curious" to what other guys feel like.

I think that is understandable, curiousity is one of mankinds big assets. I think it is a good thing that he brings it up to you and want´s to explore with you, that shows respect and trust in both you and your guys relationship.

So be honest to him: If you like the idea do it. If not, tell him why not.

And when you tried it, either you will both like it and repeat it, or you don´t. Simple as that.

Threeways can cause trouble in relationships, even provoke an end of it, but it´s not the threeway itself.
If the relationship itself is weak/ distrusting orwhatsoever, than the threeway can act as a trigger. But it didn´t create the problems, it just made them visible.

To much people HAVE TO HAVE a relationship, cut back on their feelings/desires/fantasies for it, lie to their partner about their real thoughts and feelings...all to "protect" a relationship that wouldn´t survive if both guys would act like the real person they are.

Respect your partner and be truthfull.

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ Actually, what constitutes a strong relationship? Does not protection somehow fit into that strength? If a man comes up to your boyfriend and asks to hook-up with him, do you not trust him to protect the relationship by having the strength to say no? And if he says no, is that not a strengthening affirmation of the value he places in the relationship? There's a lot of ways to see it. You bring up a good point as the threesome being the trigger, not the reason for the end of the relationship. It's difficult to truly gauge the reason; however, what we do know, is that threesomes have a strong correlation of being the end of relationships.

So be careful crossing down that road., epod85.

 

[KaraBulut]

You know the people involved and you know your relationship.

If you think that you will be okay watching your ex fucking your current partner... and if you think that your current partner will be comfortable watching you having sex with your ex... well, then all is fair in love and war.

But the fact that you're posting here probably is an indication that the little voice in your head is warning you that this may not be a good idea for any of you.

 

[epod85]

Wow you guys were a lot more helpful then some other places I tried looking for help.

We had yet another long discussion about it and I laid out the only real concern I have (that I think I might be uncomfortable watching another guy fuck him) and he surprisingly was more understanding then I thought he would be. He said he was a little surprised I said yes anyways and that if I have any concerns we should probably not do it. I said I needed more time to think about, since I'm still really not sure how I feel

Either way the very act of talking about seems to have been a good thing (he apparently was worried I wouldn't understand his reasons for wanting one)

 

[Aymotin]

Congrats Epod85. Communication is alpha and omega give it time, think about it, speak with him about it and than you two decide what you do. Seems to me you two have a great way of treating and understanding each other


@justbelieve18

Does not protection somehow fit into that strength?

I will protect my bf with my life from any harm. But I will not protect our relationship from myself. Neither will he.

We fit together as if we were made for each other, he doesn´t have to hold back with something or play a role, neither do I have to. That is what makes our relationship strong and durable over years.

If a relationship turns into some kind of theatre where you have to behave in a specific role, don´t talk about that or do this to avoid anger, discussions and trouble....thats not a strong relationship.

In my opinion a strong relationship doesn´t need protection, it needs trust, respect and more love for your partner than you have for your own little ego.


But thats just my opinion, not written in stone
To everyone it´s own. I think by talking to epod85 his partner showed a lot of respect and trust, and I like the way epod85 thinks about it.

 

[Seasoned]

Go with your gut and say no. Frankly, his crushing on your ex is a bit strange.

 

[rareboy]

Sorry....I was just going through my recipe book.

Oh yes. Here it is.

Recipe for Disaster.

 

[wilecoyote]

Wow you guys were a lot more helpful then some other places I tried looking for help.

We had yet another long discussion about it and I laid out the only real concern I have (that I think I might be uncomfortable watching another guy fuck him) and he surprisingly was more understanding then I thought he would be. He said he was a little surprised I said yes anyways and that if I have any concerns we should probably not do it. I said I needed more time to think about, since I'm still really not sure how I feel

Either way the very act of talking about seems to have been a good thing (he apparently was worried I wouldn't understand his reasons for wanting one)

I think it's great you guys are communicating, because IMO that's what it's all about.

You BOTH have to be comfortable and on the same page with what will happen. You also don't have to jump right into watching your bf get fucked as your first experience. In the beginning, my bf and I did little more than jacking another guy off to determine our comfort level and if we were turned on by watching one another. We moved in steps and had communication.

 

[jmadaf]

Maybe you sex is getting bland, or he is getting the itch, it happens to st. couples to. You must be normal.

 

[reaunl]

I patently disagree with some of the other posters that any kind of experimenting will lead to the breakdown of your relati

 

[reaunl]

I patently disagree with some of the other posters that any kind of experimenting will lead to the breakdown of your relationship. As other posters have suggested communicating is key in these kinds of situations and both you and your BF seem to be doing that pretty well (so keep up the good work).

Now as to my contribution to this thread let me tell you about the experiences I and my BF have had in the past 14 years of a loving and mostly monogamous relationship.

Just like you guys we got together at a pretty young age (I was 20, he 22). In the first two years of our relationship we were exclusively monogamous and fucked like bunnies, often more than once a day. As these things go, the frequency eventually reduced but our sex life was (and still is) pretty good. After about two years my BF started feeling the same itch as your BF and wanted to experiment. We talked about this a lot at the time and the end result was that I did not feel comfortable doing that at that time. Rather than forcing the issue we took our own relationship to the next level and decided to ditch the condoms we had been using up until that point. As you can imagine that took quite a bit of trust from both sides and strengthened our bond.

Fast forward another two years. As a present for both of us we got a night's out to a gay sauna from some friends. Simultaneously, we both brought up the subject of experimenting with other people. Feeling that we were both now comfortable with this, we decided to try a threesome if we got the chance. Well if you are looking for sex in a gay sauna it's not too hard to find and we ended up having a pretty hot threesome. This did not turn into a regular thing, rather the shared memory helped spice up our own sex life.

We had another threesome about six months later and then we decided to see what it would be like to each have sex with another guy separate from each other. Although I had hot sex with a guy I missed the connection with my BF and the same turned out to be true for him. In the end we decided this was just not for us and we have continued to be monogamous ever since.

Sure, every once in a while there is an itch but this can be dealt with perfectly adequately by using my right hand. Instead of sleeping around we invest in spicing up our own sex life (jockstraps and handcuffs can add a lot of fun) which seems to be working great for both of us.

Of course we've had our differences and difficulties in the past 14 years but if you are willing to invest in good communication then I think we are living proof that it can stand the test of time.

Peace and wisdom to both of you!

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your partner.

I agree, threesomes are not an absolute danger to a relationship, but they have destroyed more than "spiced up."