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Threesomes while in a relationship

H

highland01

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What are your experiences? Where did you find your third? My boyfriend and I are looking to explore our sexual relationship. We even want to try showing on Cam4 (best site ever, might I add). That might be a start in getting us to actually do it with a third or even another couple. We don't know if it should be someone we're close to or someone we randomly meet. And is it hard finding a third who is attracted to both of us? I'm Filipino and my boyfriend is Cuban Italian. I'm assuming it's hard to find someone who's into both.

Spill it!
 
I will start off by saying I have NO experience with threesomes, but I wanted to chime in.

As far as the details of this avenue you two are about to take, honesty is the best policy. You both need to figure out what reasons exist for this desire to bring someone else into this intimate context. I think once you do that, things will become much clearer for you two.

In my experience, whenever my first boyfriend and I talked about threesomes, the idea sounded kinda cool, but I think both of us were a bit nervous about it. At the time for me, I think the initial attraction (that 6-month hot, honeymoon period) had worn off, and I wasn't feeling it as much anymore. So in essence, I did want to sleep with other people. But I didn't want to lose him either..

We never did anything, and that slump died out, and I'm not saying this is what is happening here.

It would just be a great idea to talk things out with your partner.
 
ive had two experiences with threesome, one was fun and the other was awkward. both times were when i was single; ive never been in threesome while i was in a relationship, dont know if would in a relationship. anyway, the first time were with two friends, we were all comfortable with each other because we had messed around with each other before. the second time was with an ex and his new bf. it wasnt particularly fun for me and became quite awkward. because of that, i try to stay away from couples. ive had couples want to threesome with me but i always turn them down. dont really like the feeling of being the third wheel or the outsider. anyway, i assuming you and your bf have talked this out, have yall advertised online? maybe go out to a bar and flirt with someone then bring him home.
 
Me and my b/f also hinted it at times. But sometimes I feel it would fuck up the relationship. What if he is enjoying it too much? What if the 3rd guy focuses too much on your b/f and not on you. What if your b/f realizes how much fun hooking up was with strangers? it just opens a whole can of worms.

I would think a 4some with another couple is more manageable.
 
Threesomes can be fun, but acting on the opportunity really depends on circumstance. Sometimes the guy is wrong for one of us, so that’s a no go. Sometimes the guy is too emotionally involved (as in it appears he has an agenda), that’s really a no go. But if you’ve got a guy who likes the adventure of it, and you both are open to it, great.

There have been some where we both were really into the third, sometimes the third is more into one than the other, OK, but if one of us says no for whatever reason it’s a no. End of discussion.

Mood, personality, circumstance, etc. all have to come together the right way for us – and these will probably be different factors for everyone, for it to happen. Usually the situation just kind of develops, we rarely decide we want to go out looking for a third, and we usually don’t find one if we do.
 
TX-Beau said:
Threesomes can be fun, but acting on the opportunity really depends on circumstance. Sometimes the guy is wrong for one of us, so that’s a no go. Sometimes the guy is too emotionally involved (as in it appears he has an agenda), that’s really a no go. But if you’ve got a guy who likes the adventure of it, and you both are open to it, great.

There have been some where we both were really into the third, sometimes the third is more into one than the other, OK, but if one of us says no for whatever reason it’s a no. End of discussion.

Mood, personality, circumstance, etc. all have to come together the right way for us – and these will probably be different factors for everyone, for it to happen. Usually the situation just kind of develops, we rarely decide we want to go out looking for a third, and we usually don’t find one if we do.
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Was there ever a case where it caused a problem in the relationship? Especially after the first time you ventured out there into 3some world?
 
my bf and i have talked about it - and i think feelings about it evolve

many times we have had opps - this was prior to chatting - and we always resisted

lately we have been more open to the idea - but it's a toughie

don't wanna have a 3rd that's into ONE of us
want to make sure both of us r attracted to the 3rd party
soooooo many issues

so while it seems like a lotta fun perhaps

just hasn't happened

wonder if talking about it kinda replaces the need/desire to do it

it's pretty complicated i think
 
thats almost always the case. speaking from personally experience and stories from friends, ive never heard of the 3rd equally being attracted to both. its always a matter liking one over the other. if thats really concern, perhaps you should look for another couple, might be less awkward
 
desks4567 said:
Was there ever a case where it caused a problem in the relationship? Especially after the first time you ventured out there into 3some world?
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The first time I did it I was the third. Didn't cause any problems for me, or anyone else that I could tell. The first time I did it in a relationship was with an ex of mine. The guy I was with later told me that he only did it because I wanted to, when in fact I thought it was mutual. I was young then, so we didn't have the communication thing worked out. He and I didn't work out, turned out he was way more jealous and possessive than I thought he was, he was pretty much just going along trying to appease me - which I never asked for nor did I expect, and that never works for me.

The only time there has ever been a serious issue with the threesome itself, was one guy who was romantically interested in my partner and we didn't spot it, he pretty much jumped in to get to my partner. I suppose if I was a jealous person that would have really fucked with me, but then evidently the guy was trying to get my partner alone, and got told no way, the guy then became a huge ass. So we disassociated ourselves from him.

Look sometimes they're great and sometimes not, the rules I have, evolved over time and experience, I suspect that everyone will have their own set. I also suspect that the younger you are the harder it is to just take it for what it is without all the insecurities and issues. In any type of open situation those are killer things. Insecurity leads to jealousy which feeds on itself until it explodes.

A really good threesome for me is all about fun, and everyone needs to be on the same page. I don't mind if the guy is more into my partner than me, so long as we all get to play, It kinda gets me all hot and bothery actually watching some guy lust after my partner, chances are the next time it'll be the other way around. That's the thing though, you have to be capable of recreational sex, sex that isn't a reflection somehow of your self image.

If you think that you couldn't watch your partner fuck another guy, don't do it. If you think that your partner fucking another guy means he's less committed to you, don't do it. If you think that your partner will find the other guy more attractive than you, don't do it. If you think your partner wants one for reasons that are associated with you - i.e. he's not attracted to you anymore (true or not) don't do it. If you have hang ups about monogamy even a little bit, don't do it.

Only go through with it if all of you understand that it's about fun, not relationships or egos, or commitments.
 
My partner and I have done three-somes a few times and a five-some once. OK, it was an orgy, but where do you draw that line?

Anyway, we chose as the third someone we didn't know very well, and would never know very well. It was about sex, not about creating a tri-party friendship or relationship. It was also important to us that it not be a friend because it wasn't something we wanted to do on a regular basis, and didn't want any awkwardness with an existing friend, especially when we didn't want to do it anymore.

It worked out fine and we had a great time. We had boundaries and discussed it openly beforehand and after.

After a few times (I think we did it with two different guys, and one of them a couple of times), we stopped. No particular reason--the novelty wore off and we had a been-there/done-that kind of attitude, and never set anything up.

The orgy was wilder. It was spontaneous and hot. You can't reinvent something like that--even if something was set up, it can't beat the spontaneity of five guys deciding, on the spur of the moment, to get naked and get it on.
 
God Bless the All American Orgy. Brings a little tear to my eye.
 
TX-Beau said:
If you think that you couldn't watch your partner fuck another guy, don't do it. If you think that your partner fucking another guy means he's less committed to you, don't do it. If you think that your partner will find the other guy more attractive than you, don't do it. If you think your partner wants one for reasons that are associated with you - i.e. he's not attracted to you anymore (true or not) don't do it. If you have hang ups about monogamy even a little bit, don't do it.

.
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well.......i guess i won't do it! :-)
 
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