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Threesomes?

T

texasteen19

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Hey guys -

My boyfriend of a year and a half has recently been bringing up threesomes more and more often. We're both 21 in college, but I'm really not sure what I should do.

I'm not jealous - but I dont think I could handle seeing my bf be intimate with someone else. Has anyone else had this problem? And how do you go about doing this?

Thanks, guys!

- Tex
 
You say, "I don't think I could handle seeing my boyfriend be intimate with someone else."

Lex
 
been involved in a couple but it was always consentual on all three party's parts ... if you are not comfortable with the idea then don't do it .. like everything else, it isn't for everyone .. your bf should understand your concerns and respect your feelings and not simply try to wear you down until you agree to it...
 
The only 3some I was in caused the other 2 guys, who were partners, to split up. One guy got the hots for me bad, he still sends me Text messages about hooking up, and the 3some occurred back in 01'.

I would have dated him, making me an official home-wrecker, but he doesn't turn me on physically as much as I want, and every year he lets himself go more and more.
 
I have read a ton of threads on various subjects here (wasted way too many hours) and think that JUB is pretty conservative when it comes to relationship and life advice.

My perspective is that you boys are young and gay and should experience some of these things. You live differently then straight people and the rules and boundaries.

If I were you I would look at why your BF is asking. If it's for the adventure and fun, then go for it, enjoy!

If you have some idea that something else is going on, then in my opinion, I think you should still do it, because if he's not into you, you'll find out quickly. If you say "no" or throw down, he's probably going to do it anyway or build up some animosity about it. If you have a butterfly and let it go and it never comes back, it was never yours, if it comes back, it was always yours.

My BF and I play with others sometimes, we do it for the adventure and fun.

I live a different lifestyle and want to live it to the fullest (safety and sanity always considered).

For the most part the advice on here is great, but I think sometimes this board doesn't encourage people to take advantages of the "lifestyle" we have and tries to put people in a box and maybe it's because they aren't ready to "handle it", but not sure.

LIVE LIFE! - It's the only go around you have.

Thanks for letting me rant.
 
Just be honest! Tell him how you feel right to his face. No bullshit.
 
I agree with what others have said in that you need to express your concerns to your boyfriend. More importantly though, you really need to get to the root of why you feel the way you do. Is it just unfamiliarity? fear of him running off with somebody else? concern about not being in control?

I generally agree with what nautiboyjeff said. Try it before you knock it. If it doesn't work out, you can at least say you tried it and found it wasn't for you. Be aware that your boyfriend might be bringing this up because he's interested in seeking new sexual adventures. If you don't accommodate those interests by participating, it's possible he'll do it without you, which would be much more painful and harmful to your relationship than playing together. You shouldn't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do, but you should be aware of this potential reality.

If you two do decide to go forward with this, it's very important to set down reasonable ground rules. Here are some common ones I've seen used by various couples I know:
1. Make it about the guest star, not the two of you. Focus on showing the other guy a good time.
2. Act as a couple in all aspects of making the threesome happen--picking him up, taking him home, having fun with him, etc. Make it clear from the beginning that you are a couple looking for a third for some fun and not something serious. After all, you already have each other for the serious stuff.
3. Both of you have veto power over the selection of the guy. If either of you isn't into him for whatever reason, he's out--no questions asked. The vetoer can't try to bully or sway the other partner out of his decision. You might also consider giving only the more nervous party (i.e., you) the power to pick a guy while the less nervous party (i.e., your boyfriend) just gets veto power. This way you'll feel more comfortable with the guy you pick out.
4. Both of you have the power to abort at any time with no questions asked. If one person is not comfortable, the threesome is off. It doesn't matter if you're in the middle of fucking him or just about to walk in the door or whatever. If one of you says he's uncomfortable, the threesome ends and the other partner backs up the decision.
5. The other guy is only a trick. He's not going to be a friend or otherwise be involved in either of your lives. Pick him out, have fun and he's gone. You don't want emotional attachments to become a problem further down the line.
 
texasteen19 said:
but I'm really not sure what I should do.
Click to expand...

You do what you are comfortable with.

If your boyfriend is worth your time and trouble, then he will understand.

If he's not worth your time and trouble, then find one who is.
 
^ reread the above post.
 
Hehe, im confused in threesomes too, so...

I had a threesome with a couple and i was the third and it was terrible, coz one of the guys was pretty lazy and just lay there and the other guy was giving all the attention to him. So i kinda played with they cocks, watched them and nothing more.

Then i had a threesome with a couple of very good friends (both had boyfriend somewhere) and it was awesome.

Then i had a threesome with my bf and his ex, when they were still together. I was having more fun playing with his ex and it was obvious he actually likes me more as well. That's why they broke up, but then me and my bf learned his ex was kinda a slut so we dumped him both and stayed together.

And since that we had lots of threesomes, usually because my bf is much older (41) and dont need sex so much (also coz of some physical and psychical problems), and as it was said before, he rather have me home in threesome then have me with someone else without him. I know i'm like that (bitchy) so i'm thankful he helps me by inviting the friends for threesomes. Although coz he cant get hard much, it seems usually more like two-some = me and the third, with my bf watching us, commenting, sometimes taking photos or recording videoclips.
 
Seems to me the consensus is that it screws up relationships something fierce.
 
Thanks for all the advice guys.

One more question: If I do it, where do I find the guy?
 
>>>One more question: If I do it, where do I find the guy?

If your boyfriend is the one that's all gung-ho to give this a try, I'd think he'd be the one who'd be in charge of completing your triumvirate. But you do have veto power. Meet the guy. If you don't like him, don't like his vibe, whatever, feel free to nix him and ask your guy to find someone else.

Lex
 
lovecrazedkid said:
What guy wouldn't be down for a threesome? Ask around!
Click to expand...


tired-yawn.jpg
 
you never did tell us if you talked to him about it. I personally couldn't see my bf be intimate with someone else. Seriously, ask him why he would want to be intimate with another guy? Is it because he's getting bored with you or does he just want to experience something different?
 
He says that we should do it while we're young and experiment. I'm still debating, but I'll keep you guys updated!

I'm always really thankful for all of you that take time to help strangers out with problems - it means so much to me. Thanks for all your insight and advice.
 
Lalada said:
Seems to me the consensus is that it screws up relationships something fierce.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure this is necessarily true. Correlation is not necessarily causation. In many cases, one partner starts expressing interest in a threesome when things have already gotten boring and they're looking for something new. The relationship may be doomed whether the threesome happens or not. There are many couples for whom an occasional threesome does work by providing an outlet for outside exploration. For those couples, brining in a third can save or at least extend the relationship. That said, there are many couples for whom threesomes do not work and just lead more quickly to the demise of the relationship.
 
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