Then make sure that the next time he comes around you stay firm with your stance that enough was enough.
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Throwin me for a loop
- Thread starter luminum
- Start date
Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. So quit giving him permission. Keep in mind also, if you keep doing the same old thing over and over, why are you expecting different results? The only one here that can change that equation is you. Take care of yourself and don't worry about him, he's damned old enough to do that himself.
You have to mentally disengage from this guy without hostility to him, let him take whatever initiative, if any, he wants to and let him know what basis, if any, you want to go along with it.
As it is, you're much too over-focused on him and not enough on your own choices around him.
Those choices include things like being too busy (knowing that he's been a jackass in the past) or limiting your interaction to less involving things like lunch as friends and/or telling him what you what from him and why what he does makes you unhappy (probably, from what you've said, a waste of time with this guy, but it could help with someone more empathetic with your feelings).
In any event, to use the old adage, you don't want to keep doing the same thing with him expecting different results. While you can't change him, you can certainly change your feelings and attitudes around him by making different choices, therapy or whatever.
P.S. I want to be a schoolmarm, when I grow up.
As it is, you're much too over-focused on him and not enough on your own choices around him.
Those choices include things like being too busy (knowing that he's been a jackass in the past) or limiting your interaction to less involving things like lunch as friends and/or telling him what you what from him and why what he does makes you unhappy (probably, from what you've said, a waste of time with this guy, but it could help with someone more empathetic with your feelings).
In any event, to use the old adage, you don't want to keep doing the same thing with him expecting different results. While you can't change him, you can certainly change your feelings and attitudes around him by making different choices, therapy or whatever.
P.S. I want to be a schoolmarm, when I grow up.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
It takes two to form a dysfunctional relationship. Don't be number two. 
You say every once in awhile you'll talk. How?
Phone call? Caller ID. Use it. If it's him, let it go to voicemail. Then delete it. WITHOUT LISTENING TO IT. Don't listen to it just because you're "curious what he might say". Or just in case it's him saying he's sorry and he's changed, because he isn't and he hasn't. DELETE IT. WITHOUT LISTENING TO IT.
E-mail? Delete it. WITHOUT READING IT.
In person? Tell him. "You've always said how much you hate drama. I don't like drama, either. The only drama I seem to have in my life comes about when I'm with you. So I'm trying to minimize that." Then walk away.
Lex
You say every once in awhile you'll talk. How?
Phone call? Caller ID. Use it. If it's him, let it go to voicemail. Then delete it. WITHOUT LISTENING TO IT. Don't listen to it just because you're "curious what he might say". Or just in case it's him saying he's sorry and he's changed, because he isn't and he hasn't. DELETE IT. WITHOUT LISTENING TO IT.
E-mail? Delete it. WITHOUT READING IT.
In person? Tell him. "You've always said how much you hate drama. I don't like drama, either. The only drama I seem to have in my life comes about when I'm with you. So I'm trying to minimize that." Then walk away.
Lex
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
You don't need a drama queen like that in your life. Totally ignore any communications from him in the future. Don't read emails or text messages, just delete them. Don't answer the phone and delete any voicemails without listening to them. To do otherwise means you like the drama.
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
Good for you!
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
I think it's great that you're feeling so frustrated and aggravated and that you are able to articulate it. As Dr.Phil says "the best predictor of future experience is past experience". At 23 you're still building up your store of experiences and until you have some variety of experience, both positive and negative, you have no real means of comparison.
The trick is to keep evaluating the situations you're in: you need to know what it is you want out of a relationship and be prepared to change something if the relationship is not meeting your needs.
The trick is to keep evaluating the situations you're in: you need to know what it is you want out of a relationship and be prepared to change something if the relationship is not meeting your needs.