Thursdays: A Sims 3 Graphic Novel RETURNS

[xboxfan34]

After I got his home address, I raced right home and got ready for my big night out. Unlike the stereotype that most gay men are obsessed with fashion, I never put much thought into it. I was never like “HOLY SHIT, I NEED TO GET THE LATEST (insert fashionable clothes here)” But for this occasion, I really feel the need to dress to impress. After rooting through my gigantic wardrobe room, I finally decided on a nice suit composed of grey dress pants, a grey suit jacket and a red shirt. Instead of wearing a tie, I wore the red shirt unbuttoned for a “classy but sexy” look. Underneath it all, I chose my black jockstrap over my vast collection of skimpy bikini-briefs and thongs. A jockstrap is good for “easy access” if you know what I mean…

After I got dressed, I managed to find a new box of condoms and an unopened bottle of lube in one of the end table drawers. I knew damn well that I would need those tonight….

I got the keys to my car….and was on my way to cloud nine…..

Marion’s home is very, very similar to mine. A post-modern style mini-mansion. Obviously, it seems that despite the fact that he’s not a college professor like I am, we both make the same amount of money. Mostly everybody at Black Stallion Studios has a second job in order to make extra money, so I couldn’t see how Marion is any different.

I knocked on the door and greeted him with a smile….

He invited me into his house, but neither of us said a word to each other until I decided to break the awkward tension between us with a kiss….as both of our tongues intertwined with each other’s I felt my hands descending slowly but surely…to his muscular posterior…where I played with and massaged his bubble butt until he pushed me away and said….

Marion: “Whoa there, don’t get all frisky on me…….I told you, you need to be educated first before we do anything…
Logan: “Alright”

I sat on the comfortable sofa as directed. My “teacher” Mr. Richey sat next to me and began to lecture me like I was a student in his “class”.

Marion: “Now, Logan…do you know what homosexuality is?”
Logan: “Why the fuck wouldn’t I know what homosexuality is? I AM one! Homosexuality is the attraction to the same sex. Guys who like guys and girls who like girls.”
Marion: “Very good, now do you know what bisexuality is?”
Logan: “Bisexuality is the attraction to both sexes.”
Marion: “Do you know what transgender and cisgender means?”
Logan: “Cisgender is when you identify as the gender that matches your sex. Transgender is when your gender does not match your sex. It’s completely separate from sexual orientation. A male-to-female trans person could sexually attracted to women and vice versa. Marion please, I know my shit when it comes to LGBT studies.”

Marion: “Aight, man…I guess I should finally tell you what pansexuality is…A person who is pansexual is a person who sexually attracted to people of all genders and sexes. I am romantically and sexually attracted to cis men, cis women, trans men, trans women, androgynous people, and intersex people...”
Logan: “So Pansexuality is basically being attracted to everything?”
Marion: “Close, but not quite…I actually don’t like it when people say that pansexual people are attracted to everything. Pansexuality does NOT include sick shit like bestiality, pedophilia, and necrophilia. I have never, EVER had the desire to fuck a horse or a dead body, but when you say that “Pansexuality is being sexually attracted to everything”, people will assume things like that. It is strictly sexual and romantic fantasies and acts towards consenting adults.”
Logan: “Oh…I get it.”

Marion: “I think you’ve learned enough…Consider this your graduation present…..”

After saying those words, Marion let me put my large right hand on his crotch and I began to move my hand back and forth gently…. He responded to my actions by putting his arm around me and locking lips….We were both ready for the next step…

Marion got up, and began to do a striptease. Slowly removing every piece of clothing he had on until he was completely nude…And with a few strokes, his manhood reached its full length…eight and a half inches, uncircumcised, and thick. Yes I know, I was off by a half inch, sue me.

Marion: “Yeah, you like that piece of meat, don’t you?
Logan: “You know I do, man….”
Marion: “You know what to do, dawg….”

And I got right to it…..I applied some of the lube on my hands and began to go to work. Marion’s cock was big enough so that I could fit both of my hands around it. Four inches for each palm….I slowly moved my hands back and forth, but I soon realized that my actions weren’t getting the reaction that I desired….I had to take that extra step further…..I began to gently lick the head of Marion’s cock, slowly working my way forward.

Marion: “Oh God….don’t stop…..don’t fuckin’ stop, dawg….”

I managed to easily take half of his cock in my mouth as he began to slowly gyrate his hips and fuck my face. After a few minutes, he suddenly stopped thrusting and pulled out….

Logan: “What’s wrong, aren’t you gonna bust that nut down my throat?”
Marion: “Nope, I’m going to hold it off until the grand finale…Why don’t you take off your clothes, and gimme some of that sweet ass?”

I did as he asked…After I took of my clothes down to my jockstrap, I laid on the couch on my back and lifted my legs above my head spread-eagle….Then I waited for it...I knew that it was going to hurt going in, but that the pain would be worth it in the end….To my surprise, I felt something warm and wet lapping at my ass cheeks….I lifted my head to see Marion rimming me out.

Logan: “Marion….You are one sick motherfucker.”
Marion: “And proud of it, man……I’m just loosening you up, getting you lubed up and ready for it.”

He continued to lick my ass, probing my hole with his tongue and working around it…Soon, he came up for air and said….

Marion: “I think you’re ready….Now flip over.”

I got up and bent over the couch….I heard the crinkling of a condom wrapper, the squeeze of the bottle of lube, and the familiar sound of skin slapping…It was nice to know that someone is as concerned with safe sex as I am...Moments later, I felt it. I felt the head of his cock push against my hole…I began to quiver my flanks in uncertainty, but Marion reassured me that it was going to be alright.

Marion: “Listen, I’m not gonna lie, this might hurt a little bit, but trust me, you’re going to end up loving it…You’re gonna be alright.”
Logan: "Alright......let's do this."

With those words said, the head of his big black cock penetrated my ass. I groaned loudly at the initial pain, but the pain soon dulled. Marion passed off some words of encouragement….

Marion: “You’re doing great….just relax…”
Logan: “Just give it to me, hard and fast.”

We were one. Marion’s shaft slithered all the way up my hole, his balls were resting against mine, and Marion’s stomach met with my back.

Logan: “OH…FUCK YES!!!!”

Before Marion, I hadn’t bottomed in quite a long time. But this fucking session really re-introduced me to the unbelievable pleasure that bottoming gives me. Marion slowly accelerated the speed of his pelvic thrusts until his hips were violently slapping against my ass cheeks. With every thrust, I felt an incredible rush of energy and pleasure course through my body....

Marion: “OH YEAH! TAKE THAT MOTHAFUCKIN’ DICK, MAN!!! GODDAMN YOU’RE SO FUCKING TIGHT!!”
Logan: “Oh fuck yeah….FUCK YEAH…..I LOVE IT, MAN….IT FEELS SO GODDAMN GOOD!!!”

Suddenly, Marion applied the brakes lightly….

Marion: “Jesus dawg ….I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer…Get ready for it…..ready……UUUUUNNNNGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Marion was wearing a rain jacket, so I couldn’t get the satisfaction of the feeling of his cum erupting out of his dick and up my ass….the warmth of his seed through the latex was good enough….

 

[xboxfan34]

After he was done fucking me, he threw the condom away and we began to engage in yet another passionate kiss...We weren’t done, though. There was still a good amount of unfinished business to attend to.

Marion: “That was great, dawg.….That was probably the best fuck I ever had in a while, thanks to you.”
Logan: “Don’t get to hasty there, bro! I think I should return the favor….and I think you should know what it feels to be on the receiving end of things....”

I reached behind me and grabbed a hold of Marion’s large, voluptuous buttocks, or at least as much of them as my hand could hold….

Logan: “And besides, you’re not keeping that nice, velvety booty all to yourself!”
Marion: “I’m not usually a bottom, but what the hell….Your little dick is perfect for me!!”
Logan: “Oh come on, man….5 inches is average!”

Before I even knew what was happening, my jockstrap was off and I suddenly felt a warm sensation on my dick as Marion, without any warning, started to give me the mother of all blowjobs, furiously fucking his face with my rod…His work with his tongue was so exhilarating, that I had to pull away from him before I burst….Following the same formula as Marion did, I didn’t want to cum until we stole home.

Logan: “Hey Marion, this is going to sound weird, but I don’t think we should fuck in the same place…”
Marion: “No worries, homie…we’ll go into my bedroom.”

In due time, we were both upstairs and into the master suite of the house, a comfortable yet risqué styled room with candles burning away and bedsheets with zebra and tiger fur design…A perfect environment for what we were about to do….Marion then proceeded to climb onto the bed and presented himself to me…

Marion: “You wanted to do this so badly, well go ahead…”

I climbed onto the bed and began to pet his oversized rump….I could tell that he needed to get loosened up like I did….Without a moment to lose, I stuck my index finger inside his hole, stroking the inside of his ass….The sensual moan that followed indicated that he was enjoying my finger-banging…So I then followed up with my middle finger…

Logan: “Jesus Christ dude, you’ve got a really tight ass!”
Marion: “Oooooohhhh……Like I said…I haven’t bottomed in a while…”

It was time to stop beating around the bush and do the deed…I followed the same methodical procedure, apply the condom, put some extra lube on, and just go for it! I positioned myself behind Marion and with one thrust of the hips, I was in.

Marion: “Oh….FUCK ME, MAN!”

Like accelerating on the highway, I slowly pressed on the pedal….and went faster as I went along…Soon, Marion put the pedal to the metal and began to furiously shake and grind his ass against my hips, and began to milk my dick for everything it was worth. At that point, I was confused on who was doing the actual fucking…Marion was bottoming, yet by the way he was moving his bubble butt, grinding it against mine with all of his energy, he was in complete control.

Marion: “Yeah….FUCK THAT BIG, BLACK ASS MAN! GIMME THAT DICK! ”
Logan: “I ain’t gonna last much longer, man….I’m gonna….I’m gonna……AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!”

I then collapsed onto Marion’s back, with my dick still in his ass…I continued to thrust, but soon enough, my now flaccid member fell out on its own…..

The only thing I could think of to do next was to cuddle with Marion and share yet another kiss….and we did just that…

Marion: “That was…..amazing.”
Logan: “I know….”

We both took a shower after we were done…..The both of us didn’t even bother putting our underwear back on before we went to sleep in the same bed we had sex on. I didn’t have any intention at first of sleeping over Marion’s house…I fully expected that after we fucked, I’d go home like I do with any other errand, but sometimes, plans change without warning….

Marion: “Good night, Logan…”
Logan “mmmm….Good night, Marion…”

Marion blew out all of the candles, and turned off the light….I began to unconsciously put my arm around his torso and pulled myself close to him…Marion took notice of this and smiled…Within seconds, we were spooning nude like a real couple….Marion’s muscular back pressed against my abs and pecs, my left leg wrapped around his….and my penis gently resting against his buttocks…..I closed my eyes and dozed off…..

My dream wasn’t as much of a dream as it was me diving deep into my subconscious in my sleep….I was thinking about love and what it truly meant….What exactly makes true love? I also began to ponder a question that was nagging me, even before I nodded off to sleep….I know that I enjoyed myself with Marion, I thought he was an excellent fuck, but was I really in love with him? I said before that I also liked his personality, I thought he was an incredibly friendly and funny man…but it seemed like even while we were doing it, he only thought of me as a friend and a friend only…He even called me “dawg” and “homie” while we were fucking…not exactly the most romantic pet names, if you ask me….Then, I began to wonder if it’s even possible that any more could come out of this “friends with benefits” thing, can it blossom into a full-blown boyfriend-boyfriend relationship?

Either way, It could wait until the morning…..

 

[xboxfan34]

First Semester
Chapter Twelve Part Two: Ryan’s Fling

One of the greatest things about college in my opinion, of course is that making friends that truly are your friend is so much easier here than in high school. I think I should reiterate a point that I made in an earlier post that once you enter those doors of high school the first day of Freshmen year, you’re flushing your individuality down the toilet and you must follow the crowd in one way or another in order to be accepted by your peers. In high school, if you say “hi” to someone, you’ll most likely get a “go away” or a “fuck off” as a response. In college, if you say “hi” to someone, they’ll probably start to engage into a conversation with you and before you know it, you have a new friend! Just like with what happened to me with my friend Jose Figueroa from math class. He sat next to me, I said hello to him and we just began talking every day!

Jose: “Damn…I hate that the weather is getting colder every day…”
Ryan: “Tell me about it.”
Jose: “There still is a way to "pretend" it's summer, man! Not a lot of people know this but the school’s pool is open to all students! You should go down there sometime!”

That piqued my interest, what Jose said. The school pool being open to all students. You’re going to think that I’m desperate as fuck when I say this, but I wanted to go try it out in hopes of possibly seeing some good looking guys in either the pool or the locker room. I know, that the Locker Room Paradigm is a very cliché thing when it comes to gay erotic fictions, but sometimes life imitates art!

I guess, in a way… I am kind of desperate….I really, really want a boyfriend. I’ve wanted one in the past, but not nearly as much as I want one now. A few days ago, I watched a gay porno that featured two muscular men that weren’t actors, they were actually married! And before they fucked, they were talking with each other, joking around, and kissing just like a real couple…Those two guys were so cute together….and really want a relationship that…Not just some fuck-buddy, but someone to love and cherish….

After a quick ride home to get my swimsuit that was buried deep in my drawer, I headed back out to the school’s gym building to go try out the pool. Looking outside one of the bay windows in the doorway leading to the pool, it was plain to see that except for a completely inattentive brunette lifeguard texting, there was no one else in the pool….It killed any chance of me meeting some hot guys, but on the other hand, at least it will be relaxing with no one around…

I entered the locker room for the first time in my college career to get changed into my swimsuit…There were actually plenty of guys in the locker room, but before you get excited….they really weren’t the kind of guys that you’d want to do anything with. They were predominantly old, fat guys that just came out of the pool. Now, I know that seeing old guys in speedos warranted some serious eye bleach to remove that image from my mind, but you know something? I can’t hate these guys. They have no problem showing it off and they don’t give a fuck what other people think of them. I really respect that. I wish everyone was comfortable in their own skin.

Upon entering the pool room, I found out that my instincts were correct. Except for the lifeguard, no one was around, I had the pool all to myself…I jumped in, and began to relax….

After hanging out for a few minutes, I climbed up the pool ladder and dried myself off with a towel….When I did that, the lifeguard put her iPhone down and cocked her head towards me….At that moment, her cheeks turned as red as red can be and she began to smile and laugh to herself…The lifeguard was a very pretty girl, long wavy hair with very fair skin, she resembled a younger Tori Amos with brown hair instead of red hair. She climbed down the lifeguard tower and tried to walk in my direction without me knowing. Obviously, it wasn’t working because I knew exactly what the girl was trying to do…

Lifeguard: “Hi!”
Ryan: “Hey, how are you?”

Lifeguard: “I’m really good!! So….is this your first semester at Sunset Valley Community College?”
Ryan: “Yeah….I thought it would be good to start out in a two year college before I move on into a 4 year institution. “
Lifeguard: “That’s good! I actually graduated here last year! I’m just working here so I can get some extra money…I’m working on becoming a paramedic and eventually a nurse practitioner.”
Ryan: “Oh, that’s good! My name is Ryan, by the way.”
Michelle: “My name is Michelle Martingale, I’m 5’7, I’m a size three, I’m 23 years old, I’m a C-cup and-”

As soon as Michelle gave away her bra size to me, It was plainly obvious what she was trying to do.

Ryan: “Uhh…Michelle?”
Michelle: “Right, sorry.”

Within a few minutes, I felt like I was dry enough to go back inside the locker room to change back into my regular clothes, but as soon as I was about to enter the doorway, I heard Michelle’s voice call my name.

Michelle: “Wait, Ryan? Is it okay if I tell you something?”
Ryan: “Yeah…”

Michelle: “Ryan….I….God, I don’t know where to even begin…But, I’m gonna cut to the chase. You are literally one of the HOTTEST guys I have ever seen in my life. Here’s my number, and maybe we can work something out together, if you know what I mean….”

Michelle scribbled her number on a Post-It note and handed it to me…..I was a little surprised that she suddenly was so open about her liking me and Michelle seemed like a really nice girl. Sadly, I knew damn well it would never work. Even though I thought Michelle was a beautiful woman, being a homosexual man, I felt no sexual attraction to her whatsoever.

Ryan: “Michelle, this….That’s very flattering of you to do, but…I’m sadly gonna have to decline.”
Michelle: “WHAT?! WHY???”

Ryan: “Michelle, I think you’re a very beautiful woman, so please don’t think that it’s your fault that I’m rejecting you. The reason why I can’t do it is because….Well, I’m gay….I like men.”
Michelle: “You’re gay? Wow…..I really should have known…I mean….this isn’t the first time this has happened, you know….You think you’re finally going to get together with the perfect man, you think it’s all going to work out…but…it soon comes to light that he's mpt attracted to you……..I don’t know, I really don’t think that my “gaydar” is functioning properly..."

At that moment, Michelle started to tear up and soon bawled her eyes out.

Michelle: “It’s just not fair, Ryan! EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. HOT GUY. THAT I’VE MET IN MY LIFE TURNS OUT TO BE EITHER GAY OR TAKEN! That’s the reason why I’m 22 years old, I’m still a virgin, and I’ve never been in a relationship!!! All of my girlfriends have amazing relationships with their hot-ass boyfriends, I want that too! Is it too much to ask, to have a good looking boyfriend that loves and cares for me!? I’m 22 years old, never had someone who loved me….I’m sick of this shit! I want a boyfriend!"

By the way that Michelle spoke in her distraught manner, It seemed like she really, really needed some guidance. What better of a person to give that guidance to her than someone who has taken an immense interest in psychology who knows the human brain inside and out?

Ryan: “Michelle…..I…..I get it. I totally get it…..In a way, I’m just like you. I myself am searching for a special someone.”
Michelle: “But it’s so easy for you, Ryan! You’re gay, you have the perfect physique, the perfect face, the perfect hair, you can literally have any man you want!”
Ryan: “Michelle, even though what we’re going through is different, it’s also somewhat the same thing. Unlike you, I have to deal with men that I’m interested in turning out to be straight….I wish what you said was true, that I could have any man I wanted, but that’s sadly not the case….However, I know of this saying that really helped me….Have you ever seen the Disney Pixar movie Finding Nemo?
Michelle: “Yeah, I love that movie!”
Ryan: “Well, the saying goes “There are so many more fish in the sea, but he’s just not your Nemo…”

Michelle let my words sink in for a while, she then smiled at me....

Michelle: “Wow…That saying is just so simple, but it makes so much sense…Thanks so much for telling it to me!”
Ryan: “Thanks! Michelle, you will one day find the man of your dreams and I’d like to give you a really important tip on find that man….”
Michelle: “I’m listening”
Ryan: “Before you gave me your number, you said I was the hottest guy you ever met…I think you’re looking in the wrong direction when it comes to guys…Looks shouldn’t be your number one priority if you’re looking for a serious relationship, it can lead to some serious problems. I don’t know if it was Dr. Phil or something else, but I saw a program on daytime TV where a woman had fallen in love with a guy only for his looks and body, completely disregarding his personality and you know what happened? The fucker turned out to be one of the most abusive boyfriends on the show's history. He controlled her every move, he wouldn’t let her talk to any other male friends, monitored her cell phone usage, verbally abused her for years, and he even beat her a few times.”
Michelle: “Wow…”
Ryan: “That’s why you really should be focused on a guy’s personality rather than their looks, if you are really interested in a long-term relationship. If you like guys for their personality, then the chances of you getting a boyfriend are so much higher and it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have perfect abs or whatever, if he loves you for who you are, then that’s all that matters.”

After I told her my tips, Michelle then grabbed me by the shoulders and embraced me in a long and passionate hug as a way to thank me for my advice.

Michelle: “What else can I say other than…Thank you so much Ryan…You really helped me.”
Ryan: “You’re very welcome, Michelle….”

 

[xboxfan34]

I walked away from the pool feeling pretty good about myself. I once again used my life experience and wisdom to help someone in need…I only hope that Michelle does eventually find the man of her dreams….Heh, I’m worried about HER finding the man of her dreams, but what about me? The whole reason why I went into the pool to begin with was so that I could find a hot guy myself….I walked back into the locker room to find it completely deserted. No old guys in speedos, nothing! I was the only living thing in the room, as far as I could tell….

With no one in the locker room besides myself, I decided to do something that I wouldn’t do under normal circumstances…..I took off my swimsuit and showered naked. Now, you might think I’m self-conscious or prudish, but in reality, I never really saw myself as much as an exhibitionist nor have I really boasted about the size of my member. To me, it was always “I have a big dick, so what?” It doesn’t make me better than someone who is average sized....

While I was entranced in my thoughts whilst rinsing the chlorine out of my hair, I could swear that I heard the soft splashing sound of barefoot footsteps on the tile floor…..however, I disregarded the sound as nothing more than just water dropping off my body and into the drain....

My first instinct was correct, though….

Voice: “So the rumors are true…….Ryan Carlson does have a gigantic cock…I can see the fucking thing dangling between your legs!”

I spun around as fast as I could….and what I saw behind me absolutely mesmerized me. Another man, approximately my age, maybe a little older was standing behind me completely naked. He was a pretty good looking guy with a muscular figure, tattoos, jet black hair, a goatee, and a nice smile…he also seemed extraordinarily familiar. I knew this guy from somewhere, I just had no idea where and how….I didn’t know what to say to him other than….

Ryan: “Well…..I don’t mean to brag but….yeah, twelve inches.”
Man: “You know, I never thought I’d ever see you again, Ryan….especially not like this…”
Ryan:” Is it okay if I ask you something?”
Man: “Yeah?”
Ryan: “Who the fuck are you?”
Man: “You mean you don’t recognize me…….Mark De Luca?”

It suddenly hit me, and it might as well have been a shovel going across my head….Mark De Luca was my very first friend from high school. We met during frosh orientation week in August of 2009 before school began and became fast friends. We had so much in common, we liked the same movies, we liked the same video games, we liked the same music….When I joined the JV football team sophomore year and made “friends” with The Five Fuckers as I like to call them, Mark and I grew apart….I NEVER bullied him nor have I ever talked shit about him, but by all accounts, he wasn’t my friend anymore….

In high school, Mark was incredibly skinny. So thin, he wasn’t even there. He also had a baby face and wore glasses and braces, so he looked like the stereotypical geeky nerd. I am absolutely shocked to see that he looks NOTHING like that anymore. Mark’s skinny, wiry frame was replaced by a muscular figure and his baby face was replaced by a dense forest of facial hair, he also had a healthy sized dick and a nice bubble butt..….He looked beautiful, just beautiful…..As I admired his beauty, I didn’t realize that my own member was beginning to stiffen……as was his….

Mark: “From the look of our dicks, we don’t have to come out to each other…”
Ryan: “I still can’t believe it’s you, Mark. You look nothing like you used to.”
Mark: “Well, people change. What can you say?”

Mark then stepped closer to me….and instead of greeting me with a handshake or a fist bump, like most friends who haven’t seen each other in a long time do….…..he cradled the head of my cock in his hand.….It’s plainly obvious that Mark’s gay like me, but damn…it takes some serious balls to touch another man’s dick if you don’t know for 100% shit-sure that he’s gay….I would never do something like that…Despite the fact that I enjoyed the experience of having another man’s hand on my cock, I had to push him away.

Ryan: “Mark, no. Not here.”

Mark backed away from me, looking visibly embarrassed….

Mark: “Sorry bro….I…I’ll go away…”

He then walked out of the shower area and out of my view….I resumed my shower, albeit having a strange feeling about what just took place….

After my shower, I threw some clothes on and made my way out of the locker room. As I was about to walk out of the gym building to my car, I noticed Mark was hanging out on one of the benches in the main lobby of the building. When I approached him, he smiled at me, but in the same vein, looked embarrassed.

Ryan: “Hey man…”
Mark: “’Sup, bro? Sorry for...touching you like that in the locker room….”
Ryan: “Listen, it’s okay. Don’t sweat it….We all do things that we’re not proud of…”

Ryan: “So…uh…How have you been?”
Mark: “I’ve been doing good…..Basically, I’ve been working out a lot, I got my teeth fixed a while ago, and one day, I was suddenly able to grow facial hair. That’s why I don’t look anything like I used to back in High School….You want to know something? I would have never expected you to be gay. You seemed just like an all-American macho jock.”
Ryan: “It just goes to show you that not all gay men are stereotypical….I could say the same about you. I would have never dreamed that you were gay.”

Mark: “So….have you told your parents yet?”
Ryan: “Yep, I told them over the summer and they were both extremely supportive of me. They don’t view me any different now that I’m gay. How was yours?”

After I gave away my coming-out experience and asked him about his, I could just feel this wave of anger, sadness, and resentment wash over Mark….It was obviously a very touchy subject for him and I applaud him for having the balls to tell it to me.

Mark: “Your parents supported you? Your parents still love you? You lucky son of a fucking bitch ….I really wish I could say the same about my parents, but no. It didn’t work out that way….”
Ryan: “What?.....oh no…”
Mark: “Yeah, my Mom and Dad weren’t cool with it, they were actually quite homophobic…Every time I hear about someone coming out of the closet and their parents are all like “oh, we love you for who you are and being gay is okay”…I just get so jealous of them…I technically did not “come out” of the closet, I fell out of the closet flat on my face....Here’s the story. Over the summer, I got appendicitis and needed to go to the hospital to get it taken out. While I was recovering, my Dad decided to go through my phone and discovered all of my pictures of hot guys..…My Dad told my Mom and she freaked out and after I came home from the hospital, it was just this huge blowout….My Dad told me that homosexuality is a sin and that I’m going to Hell…my Mom was crying that she was never going to have grandchildren and I would be rejected into God’s Kingdom…..Then, my parents basically grounded me from everything. They took my phone away, they took my iPod away, they took my laptop away, they made me delete my Facebook and my Twitter, they stopped giving me gas money…and then the threats of disownment started soon thereafter. My Dad began to constantly brag about throwing me out of the house one day without warning....It all came to a head when my Mom and my Dad both mutually agreed that I should have never been born and that my Mom almost had an abortion when she was pregnant with me and now regrets not having one….Yeah…That’s real nice, right? One night while my parents were sleeping, I knew it was only a matter of time before they finally decide to disown me, so I decided I would leave home....permanently. I liberated my phone and my iPod, I packed a suitcase with clothes and my laptop, took all the money I had to my name, grabbed my car keys, and was on my way…..I am currently living with my uncle Roy who was incredibly supportive of me and told me that I could live in his house for as long as I want. My parents will probably tell you that they disowned me, that’s bullshit. I wasn’t kicked out...I walked out on my own terms.”

I felt like bawling my eyes out, Mark’s coming out experience was literally one of the saddest stories I have ever heard. I had hung out with Mark a lot when I was a Freshmen and sophomore in high school, I knew his parents were very strict and disciplinarian, but I had no idea they would treat their own son like that for being gay....I just can’t wrap my head around it. Your own father saying that he hates you, your own mother saying that she wished she had aborted you…simply because you’re attracted to guys instead of girls.

Ryan: “Wow…I don’t know what to say…that was literally one of the most heartbreaking stories I have ever heard. I’m so sorry…”
Mark: “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault that my father is a homophobic bastard and my mother is an actual fucking cunt. I’m better off without them anyway. In a way, I disowned THEM. They don’t deserve to have someone like me in their lives. They can go forget I ever existed for all I care. My uncle Roy is more of a real father to me than anyone else.”

Mark then looked at me straight in the eye….and without warning, gave me a quick kiss not on the cheek, but on the lips….It should have been pretty obvious that Mark liked me when he touched my dick, but kissing me on the lips just made it more clear to me….

Mark: “Ryan, I’d love it if you could come over my house for dinner….You’d really like my uncle Roy, everyone that meets him ends up liking him……then tonight, I’m thinking that we can do a little foolin’ around and it’ll be hot and sexy….”
Ryan: “I'd love that....Of course, I have to check with my parents and see if it’s okay…”

As fate would have it, my parents gave me the okay to go over and spend the night over Mark’s uncle’s house. Of course, they gave me the usual speech of “be careful”, “have fun but be safe” before I went on my way. My Dad picked it up right away that I was going to have a night of debauchery, so he winked at me and said “use protection”….

It was a good twenty minutes away from home, but I made it there. Mark’s uncle’s house wasn’t a very big house at all, probably perfect for just two people. It wasn’t run-down in any way, but I could tell that the house was not in the most prestigious area of Sunset Valley.

I knocked on the door, Mark greeted me with his gorgeous smile. It was so strange, Mark’s face had a rugged look to it with the facial hair, yet with his prominent cheeks and smile, Mark was as cute as a button. We greeted each other with a friendly fist bump as I entered his abode.

It soon came to light that there was actually two good looking guys living there.

Upon entering, I was then greeted by Mr. Roy De Luca, Mark’s uncle. Roy was the epitome of a muscle bull, a perfect combination of chubby and buff. He sort of reminded me of Mr. DiAngelo, except Roy’s ass wasn’t nearly as big…..His facial hair was trimmed to look like a Lemmy Kilmeister-type muttonchop. He presented his large hand to me in expectation of a firm, manly handshake.

Roy: “You must be Mark’s friend….I’m Roy, Mark’s uncle.”
Ryan: “Nice to meet you, man.”

Ryan: “So…uh…What do you guys have in mind for dinner?”
Roy: “I thought I’d just keep it simple and order some pizza for the two of you! How does that sound, buddy?”
Ryan: “Hey Mark! I’ve only known your uncle for two seconds and I already love him!”
Mark: “I told you that was going to happen!”

As the three of us ate dinner, I witnessed firsthand just how close a nephew and an uncle can be. Mark and Roy shared a bond that I have never seen before in a family. It almost seemed like a combination of a father/son relationship and a relationship between two brothers….I could definitely tell that Roy sees Mark as more than just his nephew….Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if I discovered that at one point, they cut open the palms of their hands, shook hands, and became blood brothers.

Roy: “So Ryan, How’s school going?”
Ryan: “I’m doing good. I’ve been getting really good grades in all of my classes.”
Roy: “Listen man, I’m not gay like you or my nephew, but I gotta say…You’re are one good lookin’ man! You have literally the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen on a man. And you’re jacked as hell! You brought home a real handsome stallion, Mark! I’m proud of you!”
Mark: “Oh, come on!”
Ryan: “Well, I don’t like to brag…”

 

[xboxfan34]

We had dinner rather late, seeing how it was 7:45PM by the time we were done. By 9:00, Mark, Roy and I took turns taking showers in the two bathrooms of the house. Unlike the time where Mike DeHaviland and I did some fooling around, I didn’t come as prepared. This time, I only wore a pair of boxer shorts….I didn’t think to wear the thong or the bikini I recently bought…I walked into Mark’s room to find him sitting alone, awaiting my arrival….

Ryan: “Wow, I gotta say something. I would have never expected you and your uncle to be close.”
Mark: “Well, what did you expect? The guy basically took me under his wing after I left home…I was always very close to him as a kid. If my parents were yelling at me for something, he would be the first one to defend me...God, when I told him about how Dad told me that he hated me, Roy must have cursed him out over the phone for at least an hour….Even to this day, he will never speak to him or my mother again. As far as I’m concerned, Uncle Roy adopted me that day. And for all intents and purposes, he is my new Dad.”

Mark looked at me, gave me another one of his famous smiles, grabbed me by the shoulders, and pulled me into a huge passionate kiss….I haven’t kissed another guy on the lips since Mike DeHaviland….nearly six months ago. Mark obviously knew what he was doing as his tongue invaded my mouth and intertwined with his…..

Ryan: “Damn, you’re good at this…”
Mark: “Listen, I think we should just skip the foreplay and the blowjobs and just steal home plate….I just….I want you inside me….I want you to go all the way.”
Ryan: “No…..I….I can’t.”
Mark: “Why not?!”
Ryan: “I’m just…afraid that my big dick is going to seriously hurt you.”
Mark: “Ryan, don’t think like that….I’m used to big sizes….I’ve been masturbating with dildos for a while now and you know what? I’m ready for the real thing.”
Ryan: “If it’ll make you happy….then hold on tight….”

Mark dimmed the lights in the room, took off his black briefs, and exposed his cute little bubble butt to me….After a few strokes, my manhood was at full hardness…I then performed the incredibly important procedure of putting on a Trojan and applying lots of lube….The head of my manhood rested in between Mark’s ass cheeks…With a slight thrust of the hips, I was a third of the way in…

Mark: “Rrrrrrrrgggh…..Don’t stop……keep going.”

I pressed down further and further until I was in all the way…

Mark: “DAMN! You’re fucking big!”
Ryan: “Told ya…”

I didn’t pull any punches or waste any time, I got right to work. At first, the thrusts in and out of his hole were at a slow and sensual pace. But as I got the feeling that Mark wanted it rough and hard, I was more than willing to give him what he wanted.

Mark: “Oh…YEAH!!! FUCKIN’ GIVE IT TO ME!!! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!”
Ryan: “Goddamn, your ass feels so fucking tight!!”

My constant piledriving and drilling of his asshole soon became too much for the both of us….Looking down, I could see that Mark already came all over his bedspread….and I was coming dangerously close to doing so myself…

Ryan: “Mark….I can’t do it much longer…I’m gonna….FUCK!!!!"

I collapsed on Mark’s back and kissed him feverishly on the neck as I blew my load into the condom…

After our long fucking session, Mark and I shared a loving and passionate kiss on the bed.

Mark: “That was so fucking good….Thanks, man….
Ryan: “Is it okay if I say something?”
Mark: “Yeah….”
Ryan: “I’d like a turn.”
Mark: “Wait, you want me to top you?”
Ryan: “Yes…please.”

Mark gave his member a few strokes to get it hard again. Afterwards, he did the same ritual that I did, putting on a condom and applying lube. Mark was still laying down on the bed which indicated to me that he wanted me to ride him. I was still a little leery, the last time that I had something inserted up my ass was when Mike DeHaviland and I attempted to have sex months ago. I said to myself that I wouldn’t mind bottoming again if I slept with someone with a little more experience….Now might be the time to give it another go…

Mark: “What are you waiting for, climb on!”

I did as he asked. I climbed on top of him and positioned my ass on top of his dick. Mike’s member was a pretty average sized one, around 6-7 inches. Not that it mattered to me, I’m not a size queen…..Slowly but surely, I began to work my hole around the head of Mark’s cock before it was inside me.

Ryan: “Oh God…”
Mark: “You’re doing great, man….Just slide on down…”

I groaned in a mixture of pain and excitement as Mark’s cock began to fill up my void. Soon enough, my ass cheeks had met with his hips. I was in all the way….

Ryan: “…..Oh yeah….Feels so fucking good….”
Mark: “You’re in all the way? Good, now enjoy the ride….”

Mark began to rock his hips back and forth and thrust into my hole….By that time, the pain completely faded…and I found out why exclusive bottoms are who they are….Bottoming gives you a completely different type of pleasurable experience. As much as an ass man as I am, I wouldn’t mind a nice ole’ dick up my ass every so often…..I guess you could say that when I bottomed for Mark, I became verse.

Mark: “Damn…your ass feels so good rippling around my dick….”
Ryan: “FUCK YES!!! GIVE IT TO ME!"
Mark: “Ryan….I think I’m going to cum soon….Get ready for it…get ready….OH YEAHHH!!!!"

In the midst of our fucking, I had absolutely no idea that we were attracting a little bit of an audience…

Roy: “Damn….what a stud my nephew is….reminds me a lot of myself at that age…of course I was doing it with girls instead of guys…but it doesn’t matter….”

I heard a faint pop as Mike’s cock went out of my ass. The only thing I could think of to do next was to have some more post-sex romance….Mark wrapped his arms around me, I caressed his back muscles and we both began to kiss once more….

Mark and I spent the rest of the night cuddling nude on his bed….Eventually, we both fell asleep in each other’s arms….You can just call it “gaydar” or “intuition” but something really tells me that Mark views me as much more than just his fuck buddy….And I’m beginning to view Mark in the same light. Not only is he hot and sexy, he’s also a great guy. He has a big heart and really goes out of his way to care about other people....Those qualities are definitely appealing to me when it comes to the boyfriend department……
Who the fuck am I fooling, I believe that Mark and I officially became boyfriends…..I know that since September, I’ve been lusting after Professor Hardwick, even going as far as to form a huge crush on him….but you know what? Even though I would still love to get with Prof. Hardwick….Mark De Luca is good enough for me….

 

[xboxfan34]

First Semester
Chapter Thirteen: Alone Again

Easy come, easy go….. A small phrase that can mean so much to a person. I have never met anybody in my life that has never gone through an easy come-easy go moment in their life. As soon as they think they’ve finally got what they wanted, BAM! It’s gone. Of course, I wouldn’t make the opening statement of this iJournal entry about those kinds of moments if I didn’t have one myself….A few days before Thanksgiving, I had gotten a call from my Marion…He told me over the phone that he had some very important news that he felt he had to share with me…I responded by inviting him over my house.

When he arrived the following day, I instinctively greeted him with a handshake and a quick bro hug….Not something someone normally does with their quote-unquote “boyfriend”.

Logan: “Hey man!”
Marion: “Whassup, my dawg?”

Logan: “So, what’s this important news that you wanted to tell me, Marion?”
Marion: “(sighs) Logan, you’re not gonna like this at all….but at this point in my life, I feel that this is the right course of action for me…….Logan….I have decided to leave Black Stallion Studios permanently. After my next solo video for BSS, I’m renouncing my position as a Butler, a model and an actor for Black Stallion.

Marion’s announcement sent a shock throughout my body. He was leaving Black Stallion Studios…..which also meant that he was leaving me….

Logan: “WHAT?! Why?! Why would you leave something that you love doing?”
Marion: “It’s not that I don’t love posing and muscle worship and all that stuff, It’s just that….Logan, like you, I am a bodybuilder…And our positions are pretty similar, yet very different. You are a retired professional bodybuilder who became a gay porn star….
Logan: “I prefer being called a male model…I’ve never had sex with a guy, jacked off, or stuck something up my ass on camera.”
Marion: “Right…But here’s the thing.....in 2009, you became a Butler and then male model for Black Stallion Studios in order to relive the glory days of being a professional bodybuilder after you decided to quit. Unlike you, I’m a gay porn star that wants to take modelling and bodybuilding a little more seriously. In about a year’s time, I plan to make my debut as a fitness model and eventually release a series of workout videos. It’s time I start taking this new career path more seriously and I stop selling my body out doing this gay shit.”

I was in complete torpor, I couldn’t believe what came out of Marion’s mouth. About two weeks ago, he had no qualms about having sex with another man and now, to say something that backwards and homophobic…It was just beyond all cognizance.

Logan: “WHAT?! ’Doing this gay shit?!’ Do you have any idea how homophobic and ignorant you sound!?”
Marion: “I agree with you, it’s both homophobic and ignorant…but it’s sadly an inconvenient truth. I’m now an aspiring fitness guru, and if I keep on doing the gay porn gig at the same time, I’ll be a joke! No one in the fitness world will take me seriously!”
Logan: “I, myself was a bodybuilder, remember? A lot of other bodybuilders I knew were aware of my sexual orientation and no one cared!”
Marion: “Like the rest of the world, there are a lot of accepting people in the bodybuilding and fitness world and there are some horrible bigots, man….I know dawg, I hate it too. Frankly, I think it’s fuckin’ disgraceful that ANY bodybuilders are homophobic. It’s been proven time and time again that bodybuilders are much more aesthetically appealing to gay and bi men then straight and bi women…I try to tell those homophobic fuckers that gay men are the ones that truly appreciate your hard work, but they refuse to change their ways."

There was still one piece of bad news that Marion had to say….and this piece hurt the most out of all of them, as it was confirmation of my worst fear....

Marion: “I have something else to tell you, Logan. To cover the costs of starting my new career direction as a fitness guru, I am- selling my mansion in Sunset Valley….and I’m moving back to my hometown in New Jersey…I’m afraid that this…”
Logan: “Is goodbye?”
Marion: “Yeah bro….In about a few weeks time…I’m moving out of California……We can still keep in touch on Facebook and shit, but….I doubt we’ll ever see each other again.”
Logan: “I’ll miss you man….When it comes to all the guys I’ve fucked or been fucked by, you’ve put them all to shame!”

My comment made Marion laugh a little bit….The rest of our visit consisted of Marion and I hanging out in my living room, watching TV and having a beer….like true male friends would….

But when it was time for him to leave….I was absolutely heartbroken….Despite only being freinds-with-benefits with Marion, There were times that I actually considered him to be my boyfriend. I even went as far as to tell a few friends that I was in a relationship….By the time night cast it’s shadow across the sky, after my shower, I strangely decided to spend the rest of the night naked. Sometimes, the feeling of having no clothes on my muscular body really calms me…and besides, it wasn’t like anyone was going to see me…I may not have wrought-iron gates surrounding my house, but I live on a pretty secluded cliffside….I sat down, I cracked open another beer, jerked off to some gay porn, and soon went to sleep on the couch….

I couldn’t wallow in self-pity for long, though. Thanksgiving was coming up in a few days and I had promised my parents that I’d definitely be there at their house….

Pretty soon, November 28th had come. I had left my house at approximately 12:00 noon and set off on the two and a half hour journey from Sunset Valley to Alhambra because on Thanksgiving in the Hardwick home, turkey is served extraordinarily early, at around 3:30 in the afternoon for some reason or another. Anyway, I got there around 2:30PM to be greeted by the sunny and cheerful face of my mother.

Holly: “Hello Logan deary! How are you?”
Logan: “I’m fine, Mom….”
Holly: “Your sister and Emilio just got here about fifteen minutes ago. They’re in the living room with Daddy.”

I made my way into the seating room of the house and was instantly greeted with a big hug from my father. About a month ago, I would have never have dreamed he would ever do that. It seemed that our little conversation really made a world of difference.

Bill: “How are you, son?”
Logan: “I’m good, Dad.”

Last but not least on the agenda of people to say “hi” to was my sister and my brother-in-law. It’s only been a month since Emilio and Stacy announced that they were going to have a baby, so I wasn’t very shocked to find out that she really hasn’t started showing yet.

Stacy: “Hi Logan!!! How are you?”
Logan: “I’m fine! And how are things by you?”
Emilio: “Same old, same old. We went to the gynecologist a few days ago and she says that the baby is developing normally.”
Logan: “Oh that’s good! So am I going to have a niece or a nephew?”
Stacy: “Logan, I’m only three months. It’s way too early to tell….When the doctor did the sonogram, Emilio and I could barely make heads or tails out of anything. It just looked like a cluster of cells that vaguely resembled a baby.”
Logan: “Oh…okay.”

Pretty soon, it was 3:30…time for dinner. Every time I think of Thanksgiving, I always think of a massive dining room table the size of a football field with every single one of your living relatives, all of your great aunts, second cousins twice removed from all sides of your family….It seems that every year, I’m always a little disappointed that our thanksgivings have such a small turnout. Me, my parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law, that’s it.

The dinner was delicious, as always courtesy of my mother’s famous turkey brine, stuffing recipe, and my Dad’s kale casserole and pumpkin pie. Even though the food was absolutely divine, I found myself not wanting seconds at all...and I knew why. What went down with Marion, how we ended things still haunted my thoughts. No one around me noticed that I was acting strangely, except for one….Emilio continually glanced at me throughout dinner.

After everything was all said and done, the dishes were washed and the expensive china was put away, I walked to the empty seating room and sat down on the large couch….I wanted to be alone….And I was alone for a while until someone walked in….At first instinct, I thought it was going to be either Mom or Dad…..I was a bit surprised to find out it was Emilio….

Emilio: “What’s up, man?”
Logan: “Oh nothing….”
Emilio: “I couldn’t help but notice that after you cleaned your plate, you didn’t want any seconds….Before this year, you had the biggest appetite of the entire family….and now to not want any seconds suddenly? That ain’t like you, man. Is there anything going on?

Logan: “Emilio, It’s nothing.....really.”
Emilio: “Logan, please. I want you to stop lying to me. Something is up and I’d like to know it because I thought maybe you just need some male company to talk to….

I let out a sigh…and told him what happened.

Logan: “I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago….He technically wasn’t my ‘boyfriend’ per se….We had sex a few times and we were pretty friendly with each other….One day, he calls me saying that he has some important news to tell me…So I invited him over my house and he told me that he was leaving Black Stallion Studios permanently and that he was moving to New Jersey….He also said that he doubts that we’ll ever see each other again in person…..

Emilio: “Shit…I’m sorry man.”
Logan: “It’s okay….It’s just that….I know we weren’t in ‘love’. We were essentially friends with benefits….But how come it still hurts? Why do I miss him so much if we didn’t love each other?”
Emilio: “I think that your problem is that you don’t quite realize it yet. The fact that you guys were never really in love….I think that he just liked you because you’re muscular and good looking….It’s happened with me before too. Of course, with girls instead of other guys…
Logan: “You mean to tell me that you’ve been looking at other girls?!”
Emilio: “Okay, I worded that TOTALLY wrong, I mean to say that girls at the gym I go to lust after me just like this guy probably lusted after you. In fact, many months ago, I was at the gym doing deadlifts, and all of the sudden, this young blonde chick came up to me and started to compliment me on every single muscle in my body. My biceps, my calves, ESPECIALLY my glutes….and pretty soon, she told me that I was the hottest guy to ever work out at the gym and she slipped me her number."
Logan: “Really? What did you do?”
Emilio: “I told her that I appreciate the compliments but I am a happily married man. I love my wife Stacy with all my heart and I would one day love to start a family with her….The point is, that blonde at the gym thought I was hot, but she was only interested in hooking up with me and that was it…she didn’t “love” me for who I was…..”

Emilio lifted up his shirt and showed me his abs to emphasize what he was about to say.

Emilio: “She was just in love with this.”

Emilio: “My point is….I think this guy just liked you for your body…and that’s it….And you shouldn’t feel heartbroken…Your special someone will come for you eventually. Just like me…..Your sister came into my life in a time where I was convinced that I would never find the right girl for me. A girl that loves me for who I am, not just for what I look like….And now look at us…We’re married and I’m going to be a DAD in a few months!”

Listening closely to his advice, I was pretty shocked to see Emilio begin to get emotional over the fact that he was going to be a father soon. In fact, I think he actually shed a tear!

Emilio: “Logan, I can almost guarantee that your special someone will come soon. You’re one of the most kind and loving people I have ever met….Whoever gets with you will be the luckiest gay man alive…And I have no doubt you will be an amazing uncle when our child is born…..”

I got up off the couch and pondered the things that Emilio told to me. Almost instantly, Emilio got up too and approached me….Like true male friends, we shook hands, but Emilio took it a step further. Unlike many times before, he did something that he was usually against doing with his male friends….He embraced me in a tight hug….It was that magical moment when I realized that I am never truly alone, even without Marion in my life. Fuck-buddies and boyfriends come and go, but if there is one loving bond that truly never dies, it’s the bond you have with your family and close friends.

 

[xboxfan34]

First Semester
Chapter Fourteen: Witch Hunt

I usually don’t spend a long time in the bathroom when I get ready for the day. I’m going to try and say this in the most non-sexist way possible, but….I’m not exactly a “high maintenance” kind of person. All I usually do to get ready in the mornings is take a shower, fix my hair, and throw on some decent clothes. Today was a little different, seeing as how I had some special plans.

After searching through things to wear in my bureau, I finally decided on a manly, almost “neo-western/cowboy” sort of style. Blue Wranglers, a large Texas-style belt, a long sleeved shirt and a leather biker style vest. As I admired myself in my bedroom mirror, something inside told me that Mark would love how I looked in it….

In the midst of my self-admiration, My door suddenly flew wide open, scaring the shit out of me….However, I instantly I knew that there was no threat…It was just my Mom.

Melinda: “Oh…I’m sorry, I thought that you were in the other room!
Ryan: “Mom, it’s okay…I’m all dressed.”
Melinda: “You look so handsome, Ryan….Me and Dad can’t be more proud of you…I have a feeling that Mark will potentially make a wonderful groom for my little boy…
Ryan: “Mother, please!! We’ve only been together for about a week! And you already have us getting married?!”
Melinda: “Sorry….I was…getting a little ahead of myself….You know, it’s been legal in California for a long time now...”
Ryan: “I know that...”

I walked downstairs to find my dad doing some paperwork on the home computer. As soon as he heard my footsteps descending the staircase, he jerked his head towards me and smiled….

Robert: “I can’t get over how handsome you look, kiddo. Mark is lucky to have a stud like you as his boyfriend….”
Ryan: “Heh….Get this, Mom already has Mark and I eventually getting married one day.”

Robert: “Don’t sweat it, son….That’s just the way she is. Remember when you were dating that cheerleader Lisette back in 2011? She totally convinced herself that you were a match made in heaven and that you were going to spend the rest of your life with her….And guess what happened?”
Ryan: “We broke up just two weeks later.”
Robert: “Exactly.”
Ryan: “Honestly, I feel like I should tell her my true views toward marriage as a whole. But…I think it’ll just break her heart.”
Robert: “You never told me your true views either….what are they?”
Ryan: “I really don’t believe in marriage….Obviously, being gay, I’m for marriage equality and even if I was straight, I’d still be for it….But to me, it’s just a piece of paper…I don’t think that a piece of paper should determine whether a person really loves another person….”
Robert: “Ryan…You might feel that way now, but keep this in mind, you’re only eighteen. You only JUST became an adult…People change, son...and you might have a change of heart once you get a little older and more mature….I’m not saying that Mark is going to be your husband or anything but…I feel that one day, you’ll look at marriage in a different light."

Our heart-to-heart conversation was suddenly cut short by the sudden blistering guitar riff of Back in Black by AC/DC. I knew right away that it was Mark texting me that he was on his way to the movie theater….At that same time, Mom and Denise ran downstairs to see what was going on.

Ryan: “Looks like it’s almost time for me to go.”
Melinda: “Have a wonderful time, Ryan…and please for the love of God, stay safe...”
Ryan: “I will, mother.”
Denise: “And you BETTER take good care of my new big brother!”
Ryan: “Heh…..I will, Denise.”

The first activity of the date was seeing a movie. Mark and I had already seen Frozen two weeks ago, so we settled on seeing Homefront starring Jason Statham. Throughout the duration of the film, I had my arm around Mark which surprisingly did not bring about any sort of negative reaction…No one really cared one way or another. It was there that I realized that maybe things were different in Sunset Valley, maybe this city can be as gay-friendly as San Francisco...

After the movie, we spent a lot of time outside of the theater talking about what we just saw.

Ryan: “So Mark, what did you think of it? I thought it was pretty good.”
Mark: “It was okay, I guess….Sometimes I feel that the plots to all of these action movies are all the same…..Now don’t get me wrong, Jason Statham is a GREAT actor and his portrayal of Agent Phil Broker is really believable, but I feel like the plot of Homefront is just…WAY to similar to First Blood which is without a doubt better than what we just saw..."

Ryan: “The first Rambo movie…..Yeah, now that you mention it, I definitely see it.”
Mark: “You know the deal, a little feud turns into an all-out war…Anyway, I really didn’t think this movie was memorable at all….”
Ryan: “I guess we should have seen Frozen again….”
Mark: “As much as I am TOTALLY over that movie, you’re right. I would totally see that movie again over seeing Homefront again….It’s not that Frozen was bad, it’s just that everybody’s seen it now…”
Ryan: “Agreed. I loved Frozen, but I agree with you 110%. It’s gotten WAY to popular.”

The rest of our date went as planned. After we saw and talked about the movie, Mark and I debated about what we wanted to eat. We finally settled on a local burrito place, not exactly the five star restaurant that most people normally bring their dates to, but this was never supposed to be a formal occasion…

After a long period of just walking around downtown, Mark and I noticed that it was getting pretty late and that we should both be heading home. Because we had walked around a lot, I had completely forgotten where I had parked my car…Fortunately, Mark remembered where I parked and knew a shortcut through the slightly more “seedy” area of Sunset Valley……It really wasn’t that bad, all there was in that general area was a really shitty hole-in-the wall bar and a few strip joints…

My attention was soon diverted from finding my car to two gigantic posters on one of the run-down buildings. One of the posters was of a greased up, scantily-clad, voluptuous woman wearing nothing but a tight leather tankini, but the one poster that really caught my attention was its counterpart. A large poster of a muscular man in a heroic pose wearing nothing but a tight black jockstrap. Instantly, I had forgotten about why we were walking through this area of the city in the first place…..I had idea…I thought that maybe our night out doesn’t have to end so soon….and maybe we can throw in a little debauchery in the mix…..

Ryan: “Hey Mark…”
Mark: “What?”
Ryan: “Follow me, there’s something I’d like to show you…..and something that maybe we can do together.”

I ran over to the strip club poster as fast as I could with Mark following my trail…..However, no sooner do I explain what I had in mind, any chance of me, Mark, and basically any other gay male entering through those portals were completely destroyed.

Ryan: “So, I was wondering, maybe our little night out doesn’t have to end now…We can still have a little fun admiring the male strip—wait…..what’s this?"

Printed on the bottom of the poster of the male stripper were eight words. Eight words that were a sad reminder of the plight that fellow LGBT people face on a daily basis….Eight disgusting words that read, “For WOMEN ONLY! No Fags Allowed, Thank You.”

Ryan: “No fags allowed? NO FAGS ALLOWED?! Oh my god….This is unbelievable….THIS IS UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!”
Mark: “Ryan…….just calm down.”
Ryan: “Mark, what year do we live in?”
Mark: “Uhhh…2013.”
Ryan: “EXACTLY! It’s TWO THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING THIRTEEN!! Not 1955! It’s going to be 2014 at the end of this month and the fact that this kind of shit still goes on in this day and age is an absolute fucking DISGRACE! RRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!”
Mark: RYAN!

I snapped and lost all control. Without even pausing to consider if it was a good idea or not, I rammed my fist straight into the brick wall. Mark reacted to my angered outburst with absolute shock….I can tell that he was terrified. It doesn’t happen often, but admittedly, I can be pretty scary when I’m pissed off.

Mark: RYAN! CALM DOWN!

Ryan: “I’m sorry I got so mad.”
Mark: “It’s okay, Ryan….In a way, I totally understand your anger…As much as this country has become more gay-friendly, we still have a very long way to go before true equality exists for all LGBT people.”
Ryan: “I know…I just hate it…I really fucking hate it.”

After a few minutes of storming away from the homophobic male revue, we found the parking lot where I had parked my car…

Mark: “So…Thanks for taking me out, Ryan….”
Ryan: “Anything for you, Mark….”

After we had embraced in a passionate hug and kiss, Mark noticed that there was a generous amount of blood on my hands.

Mark: “If I were you, I’d get that hand cleaned up….You gave yourself a pretty nasty cut when you punched that wall. I’d hate to see that get infected.”
Ryan: “Oh shit…..Thanks for pointing that out…Hopefully, I won’t need stitches.”
Mark: “Probably not, it doesn’t look like a deep cut.”

It was a short drive home, approximately ten minutes, but it gave me some time to reflect on the events that took place during the date….It almost sounds absurd that with gay marriage being legalized in fourteen states, and that the state I live in was the second state in the country to legalize gay marriage, that there are just some places that gay people are still not welcome….even in a pretty liberal state like California….Homophobia is sadly still alive and well….even in states with marriage equality.

I walked into the front door of the house at approximately 7:45PM to find my mother using the computer to work on some things concerning her job. She was obviously extremely busy, so I didn’t bother interrupting her.

Melinda: “Hi, honey! How was your date?”
Ryan: “It was good.”

I walked to the upstairs bathroom where I washed off and disinfected the cut on my knuckle. I examined the wound to find that I had given myself a pretty deep gash on my hand….I’ve always prided myself in how strong and physically fit I am and that I can basically take anyone down in a fight, but there are times where I am almost scared by my sheer strength…I realize that I can do some pretty serious damage to myself and others with my bare hands…

For the rest of the night, I spend the rest of my time playing the Pinball app on my phone in the solitude of my own room. Denise was probably in her room playing on her Wii, so I didn’t have much of a chance of her barging in my room for no reason. I was busy racking up points in my game to beat my previous high score when I got…THE call.....

It was Mark on the other end. At first, I assumed that he wanted to ask me a question or I had left something in his car or whatever….Nothing could have possibly prepared me for what came next…

Ryan: “Mark?”
Mark: “Hi, Ryan. Promise me that you won’t freak out.”
Ryan: “What happened?”
Mark: “….I…got jumped by a bunch of assholes as I was walking back to my car…”

Ryan: “Oh…..shit….Are you hurt bad!?”
Mark: “No, not really…..just a bunch of scrapes and bruises. I’m being patched up at the hospital….I need you to come here and visit me….I’ve got some…information I need to tell you about the people that attacked me….something that I feel you need to know.”

 

[xboxfan34]

I hung up the phone and ran as fast as my legs could take me down the staircase and out the door….I ran into my car and floored it all the way to the hospital, weaving through traffic at the speed of sound…Thank God there weren’t any undercover traffic cops as I drove to the hospital or I would have been pulled over for absolute shit-sure…

Shortly after arrival, I swiftly filled out the paperwork to grant me the ability to visit him, and ran down the hallway at a million miles an hour to get to the hospital room that he was staying in for the night. When I burst into the hospital room, I was pleasantly surprised to see that he really wasn’t hurt that bad, much better than what I had anticipated. He did have a nice amount of abrasions and bruises on his arms and torso, but other than that, he looked good….

Mark looked exceptionally happy to see me as he sprang out of bed and violently yanked me into a tight, loving hug….However, what I really wanted to know was this, what was the “important information” about his attackers that he wanted me to know about? Was the attack connected with me in any way?

Mark: “Thanks so much for coming, Ryan…”
Ryan: “Your welcome….now please…I’d like you to tell me what happened….if you want to talk about it…”

Mark: “Well…..(sighs) As soon as you drove away, I made my way over to where I parked the car….I made the mistake of heading through the alleyways and as I was walking through one…this group of four guys approached me from the front. They were laughing at me and saying shit like “look at the little queer” and “limp-wristed faggot” One of the guys even said “We don’t take very kindly to sexual deviants in this part of California…I’m afraid we’re going to have to teach you a lesson.” I took a few self-defense and MMA courses this semester, so I decided to try out what I knew in a real life situation. I managed to knock out two of them before the third one tackled me from behind and the fourth guy began to stomp on my head…After the assault was over, one of them said “That’s what you get for sucking dick instead of eating pussy” and spit on me. I originally was not going to go to the hospital, but the cuts were bleeding very badly with no intention of stopping….I decided not to risk it.”
Ryan: “Oh my God…”
Mark: “I’m fine now, though…..I’m just a little pissed that they fucked up my tattoos….Once I’m outta here and the wounds heal, I have to get my dagger and my winged design redone….I have something else to tell you…and this is the important info…..I recognized one of the guys….I think he was from our high school. I can’t remember his name, but he was muscular and he had one of those douchebag Jersey Shore haircuts and aviator shades…Also, he spoke with kind of a Brooklyn accent.”

As soon as Mark said “Jersey Shore haircut”, “aviator shades” and “Brooklyn accent” I knew right away who the sorry piece of fucking shit who attacked my boyfriend was….And the fact that I once considered that cunt to be a “friend” of mine…..

Ryan: “Vinnie fucking Rivera…..He’s still at it.”
Mark: “So you do know him!”
Ryan: “Know him? I was unfortunately once quote-unquote "friends" with the piece of shit back in high school…All of my other friends on the football team never really liked him, he had a huge ego and thought he was God’s gift to the fucking world…..Last year, I actually got into a fight with him. What had happened was that I had caught him and my other friends beating up this kid I knew named Michael DeHaviland who was also gay. You know him?”
Mark: “Yeah…he was in my homeroom all four years of high school. Quiet kid, kept to himself.”
Ryan: “Well, what I did was that I grabbed Vinnie and slammed him to the ground and gave him fair warning not to ever bully him or another kid again or I’ll kick his ass. Obviously now, he’s still at it…even after high school….And now because he doesn’t see me at all anymore, he thinks he can get away with bullying and committing hate crimes against gay people again….But don’t worry, Mark…I’ll teach him another lesson. Do you know which street they attacked you?”
Mark: “No….but I did overhear them talking about meeting up someplace at 9:30….The intersection of Morrison Lane and Crabtree Boulevard."

My mission was set….I was just about to walk out of the hospital room before I was stopped by the voice of my love.

Ryan: “Looks like I’m going to have to teach that fucker another lesson….”
Mark: “Ryan….I just want to say this to you…Whatever you’re going to do to this piece of shit, he definitely deserves it….But just….Don’t kill him. I know you, Ryan….You have the willingness to go to extremes to protect the people you love…You are one of the most loyal and trusting human beings I have ever met and I love you dearly for it….but I don’t want to see you pay for this for the rest of your life….I love you too much to have that happen….So please, for your sake, keep the bastard alive.”
Ryan: “Ok….I will……I love you.”
Mark: “I love you too…..”

I left the hospital in an angered confidence. My old friend turned enemy has reared his ugly head and is up for round two. Before, I was reflecting about how I could potentially cause someone a lot of harm just with my bare hands….now I really didn’t give a shit. If dealing with Vinnie meant I have to use violence, then you know what? I have no qualms about using violence.

Fortunately for me, I had a plan of attack in mind. The corner where the gang was supposed to meet up was just a few miles away from the hospital and the meet up was scheduled to happen in a half-hour....For that half hour, I staked out the location in my car, trying to pinpoint the rat bastard out…

Until a little after 9:40 when I saw a guy in a white hoodie walk out onto the corner….With the stupid fucking aviator shades and douchey spiky hair, there was no denying it…..There he was, the piece of shit Jersey Shore reject himself, Vinnie Rivera…As I left my car to confront him, I overheard him yelling about something on his cell phone…

Vinnie: “Where the fuck are you guys? I told you that we were meeting up at the corner of Morrison and Crabtree!......I don’t care if you want to get high, you PROMISED me that you were going to come here! And then you go and stab me in the back like this?! Fuck you!”
Ryan: “So now you know how it feels to be stood up and lied to……after years of doing that to unsuspecting kids.”
Vinnie: “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!”

Vinnie spun around to face me….His expression changed from one of anger to surprise….I hadn’t talked to Vinnie or any of my former friends in months, so you could understand his shock that I was standing right in front of him…But this little “get-together” I organized wasn’t about catching up on things…No sir.

Vinnie: “Ryan…..Ryan Carlson from high school….How ya doin’ man? God, I haven’t seen you since graduation!”

Vinnie then proceeded to walk up to me and try and give me a friendly fist bump, like he was still my friend, like there was nothing wrong between us….I gave him a fist bump all right…

Right in his fucking face.

Vinnie:”(BOOF) WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?!”
Ryan: “THAT is for attacking Mark.”
Vinnie: “Mark…..Who the hell is Mark?”
Ryan: “Why don’t you think back to about an hour or so ago?!”

Vinnie: “Wait…..are you talking about that queer we took care of? That’s his name? Mark? Ryan…..I always liked you, but if there is one thing I just don’t get about you, it’s the fact that you were a fag sympathizer. Why waste your time? The gay lifestyle is not natural, man. The ass is supposed to be exit only, the fags are just too perverted and stupid to realize that.”
Ryan: “You better shut your fucking mouth if you don’t want to lose teeth. By the way, I’m more than just a “fag sympathizer”…….I JUST HAPPEN TO BE ONE MYSELF!”

Vinnie smiled in a cocky and snide manner and laughed at my comment.

Vinnie: “Really, you’re a queer? Heh…you know, I always suspected there was something wrong with you….ever since you stood up for that little emo faggot last December……”
Ryan: “Yeah, well…let me tell you something, this faggot kicked your ass before and he’s going to do it again. ”
Vinnie: “That doesn’t count for shit….You attacked me from behind and took me off guard! You can’t take me down…You know what? I’ll humor you, man. I’ll let you throw the first punch….Consider it an award for having the balls to admit you’re a faggot.
Ryan: “…….No. We are going to fight like real men…No advantages and no cheap shots…..But that’s okay because regardless, I’m going to teach you not to fuck with my boyfriend.”

At that moment, as soon as I revealed that Mark was my boyfriend, Vinnie’s expression changed to one of offense and shock….

Vinnie: “Boyfriend? You and that fag butt-fuck each other?….Just for that, I deserve the first punch!”

And he did just that, Vinnie suddenly threw a sudden sucker punch at me. By a fraction of an inch, I successfully dodged it. I retaliated by roundhouse kicking him with all of my force straight into the gut. The kick stunned him a little bit, but he recovered and literally pounced on my like a wild tiger. He knocked me down and began to slam the back of my head into the concrete over and over again, but before he could even think about punching me in the face, (BOOM!) I elbowed him straight in the nose. All of the sense was knocked out of him and he collapsed straight to the ground. I leaped onto him and just went fucking CRAZY. I grabbed him by the back of his spiked hair, and just began to punch him over and over again right in his fucking face…..After the fifth punch, Vinnie got the balls to speak up.

Ryan: “YOU LIKE THAT?! YOU LIKE THAT?! HOW DOES THAT FEEL?! YOU FUCKING HOMOPHOBIC PIECE OF TRASH! YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG FAG, BUDDY!”
Vinnie: “Just do it…”
Ryan: “What the fuck did you just say?!”
Vinnie: “If you want to kill me so badly, then be a fucking man and just do it!”

As soon as he said those words, my mind thought back to what Mark said in the hospital “Whatever you’re going to do to this piece of shit, he definitely deserves it….But just….Don’t kill him……” Before the tempting thought of delivering the fatal blow to Vinnie crossed my mind, I got up, leaving Vinnie’s crumpled, pathetic body on the ground.

Ryan: “You know…..I always wondered, what kind of a sick, twisted son of a bitch would do something like beat up a random guy just because he’s gay or have the desire to disown a future gay son? But after this fight, I think I realize something now….There is just…nothing meaningful inside of you. Absolutely fucking nothing. You think that because you pick on and bully gay men, it means that you’re a “real man” and that you’re above us “faggots”, but in reality, you’re one of the most pathetic, sad, and weak individuals I have ever met.…..But as much as I fucking hate you…..I am simply too much of a good person to end someone’s life….Goodbye.”

And with that said, I walked away from the situation….Essentially cutting off every single tie that I had to me and Vinnie’s past friendship….I do not regret for one minute what I did. Vinnie attacked me first….essentially throwing every single notion of “two wrongs don’t make a right” out the window…

 

[xboxfan34]

TWO DAYS LATER

Two sunrises and sunsets have come and gone…Today was the day….After two days under observation in the hospital, Mark could finally get discharged. A day prior, I was asked by Roy to pick him up and take him back to his home. Seeing as how he walked to the hospital instead of driving there the day he got attacked, his car was taken back to his uncle’s house, leaving him no way to get home by himself after he came out of the hospital.

I had talked to Roy for a little bit after he sent me out to pick up his nephew….He told me that the day after Mark was admitted into the hospital, he contacted Mark’s parents for the first time since August….They never picked up the phone, so Roy sent a voicemail letting them know what happened to their son and that he is currently in the hospital….Do you honestly think they called back? Heh….don’t make me laugh…..They never did…not one fucking phone call…..This made me hate them even more. Are they so fucking caught up in the fact that they hate gay people that they wouldn’t have the fucking heart to ask if their only flesh and blood son is okay after he was the victim of an assault?! In their fucked up mind, Mark being gay was enough to deserve to get attacked.

After once again, getting a visitor’s pass at the main desk, I made my way over to the hospital room to find Mark in the midst of dressed, getting ready to come back home….He was wearing blue jeans and a sleeveless Larry The Cable Guy-like button down shirt that wasn’t yet buttoned up, exposing his nice six-pack abs...His pecs were still covered with bandages, though…Within seconds of my arrival, he noticed me…

Mark: “Oh, hey Ryan!”
Ryan: “What can I say babe? You’re looking stronger every day!”
Mark: “Thanks! Takes more than a few punches and kicks to take me down, that’s for sure! So…did you take care of it?”
Ryan: “Yes…yes I did…He’s alive, don’t worry….but I suspect he won’t be messing around like that anymore…”
Mark: “….Thank you Ryan….I’m forever indebted to you..”

Mark’s smile suddenly turned into an expression of slight sadness and confusion….It was there that he was going to say something shocking…..something that was completely out of the blue and unexpected…

Mark: “Hey, Ryan….I need to say something to you….and I know you’re not going to like it…”
Ryan: “Please Mark, tell me anything.”
Mark: “Well…this whole attack and being laid out in this hospital has got me thinking….Something inside me tells me….That…I’m just not ready for a real relationship…I don’t know why I feel this way…but as much as much as I’m being Mr. Tough Guy about the attack, being in a gay relationship in public in this neck of the woods can be pretty scary….Honestly because of this, I wish we lived in San Fran or L.A….So, is it okay if we…postpone this relationship?…until I’m ready…”
Ryan: “Mark…what are you saying? Are you….breaking up with me?”
Mark: “Yes….for the time being….But that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…”

And just like that, our relationship was over…..Albeit, me and Mark broke up on good terms and we’re still friends with each other…I couldn’t help but feel just as heartbroken as I would have been had we broken up on really bad terms…I still love Mark, and Mark still loves me too…but I’m not going to lie, it flat-out sucked that our relationship ended that way…

I, however had one last thing to say to Mark…

Ryan: “So, you still want me to give you a ride? Or would you rather Roy come and pick you up?”
Mark: “Nah, you can still give me a lift…”

After a short, ten minute drive from the hospital, we arrived at Mark and Roy’s house…To completely seal the deal that the relationship was over, I did the same thing that Mike DeHaviland did to me after we broke it off….. As soon as we both got out of the car…I approached Mark and gave him a small kiss on the cheek as opposed to the lips….

Ryan: “Are you sure you really want to end it this?”
Mark: “Trust me Ryan…this is for the best…”
Ryan: “I love you….”

Mark paused for a little bit…his expression said it all. This decision also hurt for him too….A single tear fell from his eyes as he said…

Mark: “I love you too, Ryan.”

 

[xboxfan34]

First Semester
Chapter 15: School’s Out For….Winter

Have you ever had one of those moments where you could swear that something is true, but you have no way to prove it? When you just know for an absolute damn fact that something is the case in your gut, but you have absolutely zero physical evidence to prove it…People will say that this is the concept of religion in a nutshell, but I will refrain from opening THAT can of worms in this blog post….No, this has absolutely nothing to do with any religion at all…Rather it has something to do with a certain professor that I happen to have a crush on….

I’m beginning to really believe he’s not entirely who he says he is…

Where do I start?

First of all, ever since I found out that the picture on Professor Hardwick’s desk was his SISTER as opposed to a wife or girlfriend, I’ve suspected that Prof. Hardwick might actually be gay……However, that’s not the whole story……You know how I once said that Matt Manchester, the Black Stallion Studios model in the “Most Perfect Muscle Ass in The World” video was a dead ringer for Prof. Hardwick? Yeah, well…now I’m having some serious suspicions that Professor Logan Hardwick doesn’t JUST resemble Matt Manchester….

Logan Hardwick IS Matt Manchester.

I’m beginning to truly believe that they really are the same person. Why, you ask? Besides the fact that they look almost completely fucking IDENTICAL, It is not uncommon at all for a porn star to go under an assumed name for their porn career in order to protect their identity when it comes to their off-camera life….It’s only safe to assume that Prof. Hardwick, when he joined Black Stallion Studios, he decided to go under an assumed name to protect his prestigious career as a college professor.

Also….ever since this suspicion first popped into my head, I’ve been kinda…”lurking” on Matt Manchester’s Facebook fanpage. I haven’t actually liked the page due to the fact that it would basically announce my sexual orientation to all of my Facebook friends….I personally believe that coming out of the closet should be a personal thing in which two friends discuss face-to-face with….

Anyway, Matt does this thing where every two or three weeks, he announces that he will awnser fan’s questions about….well, anything. Bodybuilding, fitness advice, and life in general…any category of question is welcome, even topics that cause a lot of controversy.

Asker: “I’m really interested to know what your religious beliefs are.”
Matt Manchester (Logan Hardwick?): “Well, I was raised Roman Catholic by my parents…Even when I was a pro bodybuilder, I still attended Sunday Mass routinely. Today, I’m pretty much non-religious. I don’t go to church every Sunday anymore and I disagree with a lot of things in the Bible. Homosexuality being a sin is a big one. However, I still believe in God and the supernatural. I really do think there are things out there that can’t be explained by science just yet…I guess that kind of makes me a deist….I hope this answers your question.”

Occasionally, people do ask about Matt’s sexual orientation…and whenever he explains it, it seems like he dances around the entire subject delicately and tries to deny with all of his will that he’s gay….This to me, just points out that when he says that he’s straight, he’s not being truthful.

Asker: “Hi Matt! I am a member of this bodybuilding online forum and recently, I’ve been getting a lot of flak by other incredibly ignorant members of this forum for admiring your hard work and dedication to the sport of bodybuilding….These people are saying that because you work with Black Stallion Studios and you do muscle worship that you’re obviously gay. I’d appreciate it if you would please clarify what your sexuality is?”
Matt Manchester (Logan Hardwick?): “You know, I get asked this way more than you would expect...Believe it or not, I am straight. I am 100% heterosexual. I have NEVER done ANYTHING sexual to another man on or off camera nor have I EVER had ANY gay thoughts in my 46 year existence. I have a girlfriend whom I have been with since 2009 and pretty soon, I might consider asking her for her hand in marriage….Just because I do nude photos does not mean that I’m gay. There are hundreds of naked pictures of me an approximately 22 videos of me on the internet, but you will never find anything that shows me doing anything explicitly sexual on camera to another man or woman for that matter. HOWEVER, just because I am straight doesn’t mean that I hate gay people. I FULLY 100% support LGBT rights, which not only includes gay marriage, but the right to donate blood, serve our country in the military, and adopt children. I may be straight, but I am a proud LGBTQIA+ ally.”

With all of this in mind, the one thing that really makes me feel almost certain that Matt Manchester is Logan Hardwick is the existence of one woman that they both have in common…..Stacy. Logan Hardwick’s sister shares the same name as Matt Manchester’s girlfriend…Thanks to the photo on his desk, I know what Stacy looks like, however….after searching around on Matt Manchester’s Facebook page, I found absolutely zero pictures of Matt Manchester with another woman….I really don’t think this is a coincidence…

After searching around on Facebook, I finally got up off the computer and began to pace the floors of my house, trying to take in everything I’ve discovered…also, for some reason…deep down inside, I was beginning to kick myself for even searching it in the first place.

Ryan: “I really gotta stop this. This is borderline obsessive STALKING behavior towards Professor Hardwick….Yes, this isn’t the first time I had a crush on a teacher….I had a crush on both Mr. DiAngelo and Mr. Cusano in high school, but not at this level….Even if this portrait I’m painting in my head IS true and Professor Hardwick IS Matt Manchester, how the fuck would I even….how would I even try and bring it up in a conversation?! ‘Hi, Professor! I’d hate to bother you, but I think that you are a gay porn actor in disguise.’ He’d laugh right in my face and tell me that I’m full of shit!”

Ryan: “Also….it’s pretty much too late to start suspecting something about Professor Hardwick now…I mean...tomorrow is the last day of class for History of Sociology….”

Unlike most professors who hold their final exam on the last day of class, Professor Hardwick had his final the week prior. The reason for this is that he can have the last day of class be an “end of the year stress reliever” class where we just chill out, talk with friends, and do absolutely nothing!

The very next day was the second to last day of classes in total…but instead of being happy or excited about the last day of school before winter break, I found myself to be kind of depressed….You all should know why…it was the last day of class with Professor Hardwick…

When I entered classroom 2-8 for the final time, I was pretty shocked to find that there were only five other girls from my class inside the classroom plus Professor Hardwick. Making him and me the only males in the classroom. Apparently, Professor Hardwick made the “stress-reliever chill-out day” an optional class…Naturally, the majority of the class would rather relive their stress and chill out at home….As soon as Professor Hardwick saw me, his face completely lit up, he seemed genuinely happy to see ME out of all of his students.

Logan: “RYAN! My main man, nice of you to show up, bro!”
Ryan: “Thank you, Professor!”

The hour and a half dedicated to class were spent with the students mindlessly talking amongst themselves and Professor Hardwick joining in on conversation on occasion. At one point, he took out his smartphone and showed the class pictures of his house….

Girl: “Oh my God, your house is like, SOOOO beautiful!!”
Logan: “Thank you!”

Professor Hardwick passed his phone to me, I had to admit, I was incredibly impressed with what I saw. He didn’t live in a house, he lived in a fucking MANSION. A very cool and large modern-style home that looked like it came out of the century after this one. To think that Professor Hardwick LIVES in my house caused me to have a slight pang of jealousy…However, I was very curious about something…

Ryan: “Wow, your house is very nice…And you have it all to yourself?”
Logan: “Yes I do!”
Ryan: “Your house is impressive, but doesn’t it get lonely after a while? Having this HUGE home all to yourself without anyone around to share it with.”
Logan: “I guess it kinda does get lonely….I’m perfectly content with being single, but there are times where I wish there was someone else in my life…
Ryan: “Professor, if you’re happy with being single that’s fine, but if you’re looking for company anyway, why don’t you get a pet? Sometimes I feel that dogs, cats, and horses can be better friends than humans!”
Logan: “That’s very true, Ryan….and even though I don’t anymore, for a while, I actually DID own a few pets…I have no plans to own any more right now, though...”

Logan: “Over the years that I’ve been living on my own, I’ve owned two cats. The first one I owned completely on my own when I moved into my first house was a little girl Savannah cat named Sassie. I got Sassie back in 1996 about the same time when I first went pro in bodybuilding. I loved that cat to death; Sassie was like a baby to me.”
Girl: “Arent Savannah’s like, the most expensive breed of cat? This was before you made a lot of money bodybuilding and teaching so how the hell could you afford one? They’re like $30,000 each!”
Logan: “I only got Sassie for $1,000 because she was rescued by a friend of mine who decided to sell her to me….Anyway, Sassie was only 4 months old when I got her, she was just a kitten, so I loved her like a baby and treated her like a baby….I held her like a baby, I fed her bottles like a baby….that cat was my pride and joy….”

Logan: “1998 was when I decided to adopt a second cat…This time, it was another rescue kitten and it was a tiny little baby boy Tabby cat who was named Monet…Having another cat in my house was like having a second baby in the house…but that was when I found out that Sassie, lived up to her name…she was pretty jealous of all the attention that Monet was getting so they didn’t get along…Sassie actually got into a few fights with Monet and we had to separate both of them. Sassie, as much as I loved her, was extremely territorial whilst Monet was like a puppy dog. Very friendly and wanted to play with everybody…I’m sure you all want to know what happened to them and why I don’t have any pets now…"

Logan: "Sassie died in January of 2002 ….She had actually been sick since the day after 9/11, I just thought that she just had “kitty depression” with what happened on 9/11…but she ended up getting weaker, not having the energy to play with her toys, not trying to attack Monet when he annoyed her...Her condition had improved around December, but it was only temporary…she got sick again right after New Year’s Eve…After taking Sassie to the vet, they found that she was just covered in cancer...and…they didn’t even need to put her down…she actually died in the vet’s office on her own, she was so sick and weak….She was only five when she died, way too young for what was a seemingly healthy cat.”

Logan: “On the other hand, Monet lived for much longer. Monet was there when I retired from bodybuilding, when I moved into my new home and when I became a college professor. For the most part, Monet lived a pretty healthy life….That is, until 2011 when all of the sudden, he was having trouble breathing, wouldn’t play with his toys, and was barely eating….When I took him to the vet, they found he was dying of a respiratory disease caused most likely of age….Monet was put to sleep that August. He was 12 years old….Losing both of my kitty babies was absolutely devastating and since then, I’ve never wanted another pet…I guess I’m just scared of the fact that I get way too attached to things that will eventually get sick and die…I’ve always joked that if I get a parrot or a giant desert tortoise, I wouldn’t have to worry about that…because they live frickin’....150 years…”

As soon as Prof. Hardwick wrapped up his sad story, I could easily see at least three of the five other girls in the class beginning to cry. Hell, I was pretty close to tearing up myself, but I kept my composure….I was already well aware of this, but the girl’s reaction to the story confirms that guys who love animals and treat them like their children isn’t just cute for us gay guys…Straight women think its adorable too.

Logan: “Well…It seems that we’ve already spent almost 50 minutes together…You all can leave a little early if you want…then again it was an optional class so you could have just left whenever you wanted….I wouldn’t have minded….”

All of the five girls left the classroom, probably off to go to the mall or something…I stayed, though…Before I left, I had one last thing to say to Professor Hardwick.

Ryan: “Hey…Professor?”

Logan: “You’re still here? What’s up, bud?”
Ryan: “I was on my way out, but before I leave…I kind of want to….I want to say thank you for being an awesome teacher…and just a good person all around….Even though this is only my first year of college, you may be the best professor I ever had...And…it kinda makes me sad that this is the last class…I may never see you again, unless I sign up for one of your Psych 101 classes, which will be totally unnecessary, seeing as how I already took Psychology in high school…..I’ll really miss you, Professor.”
Logan: “Ryan...Don’t say that….You never know what might happen...for all you know, our paths may cross again someday. The world is a strange place, you never know what might happen….But I definitely understand what you’re feeling. In a way, I’m sad that you won’t be my student anymore. You were, by far, one of the best students I ever had. You got a 90 or better on all my tests…you got a 100 on the test for Social Darwinism, which in my opinion is the hardest topic in my class…Also, every time you talked in class, you were totally on the mark, you had some really funny stories to share with the class…Overall, it was a great experience teaching you…”

Ryan: “And it was a great experience being your student…”
Logan: “Come here.”

As soon as Prof. Hardwick told me to approach him, I already knew what was coming……As soon as I had gotten within a less of a foot’s proximity to Logan’s monolithic, muscular frame….I felt his huge, strong arms wrap around my back….in response, I did the same….Prof. Hardwick and I had begun to embrace in a massive, passionate hug….To feel his rock-solid frame resting on my chest, and my arms in a tight embrace with his back…It was a mixture of both senseless eroticism, and pure loving, tender beauty….The feeling of senseless eroticism was amplified by the fact that I could have very well have been hugging Black Stallion Studios’ own Matt Manchester. Sadly, Prof. Hardwick broke the hug off before I could even think about getting too frisky.

Logan: “You know….if you REALLY want to keep in touch, you know where my office is…talk to me anytime.”

As expected, I walked out of the school building and back to my car feeling pretty good for myself….Now, I understood fully, even if Professor Hardwick was gay and he was Matt Manchester, I still probably wouldn’t have any chance with him…He’d want to look for someone his own age, not someone who’s 20+ years younger than him....
But like Prof. Hardwick said….the world is a strange place, you never know what might happen…..

 

[xboxfan34]

Michael DeHaviland’s Christmas Side Story

Mike: “You know, Katya, I’ve never met anyone from Russia before.”
Katya: “Really?”
Mike: “Yeah…I mean, I’ve met and befriended people from all nationalities and ethnicities. I’ve met people from Spain, U.K , Italy, Japan, Australia, France, Mexico, Canada……All kinds of countries…Before I met you, I’ve never met anyone from Russia.”
Katya: “Well…..now you know someone!”

Classes were over for approximately one day for Mike and the other students at his university. To celebrate the beginning of the one month long winter break, Mike invited his new good friend Katya Petrenko from his English 101 class to get pumpkin spice lattes at the local Starbucks.

Mike: “So Katya….You told me that you and your family have been living in the United States for about six years….How do you like it here?”
Katya: “I like it a lot here….I really do. Many people like to say that all Americans are lazy and greedy, but I honestly don’t see that a lot here…There are all kinds of people in America, it really is a huge melting pot.
Mike: “You ever find yourself missing Russia?”
Katya: “In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. I do miss my old home and all the things from my childhood living in Russia, but….I do NOT miss the country and the way it was run AT ALL. You’re gay, right?”

Mike took a sip of his latte before answering Katya’s question.

Mike: “Yes I am.”
Katya: “Well, Russia is one country that you do NOT want to live in…..We are probably one of the most homophobic countries in Europe and Asia.”

Mike: “I’ve heard stories about LGBT people being treated like absolute dogshit due to that anti-gay propaganda that was enacted…”
Katya: “I’ve only lived there for the first ten years of my life with a few occasional visits afterward…Russia has always been homophobic, it’s really nothing new…And it’s actually the reason why my mother and father left the country…..You see, my older brother Piotr is gay….and him and the rest of our family faced non-stop discrimination because of it…There was even a few attempts on Piotr’s life.”
Mike: “You’re kidding….”
Katya: “I wish I was, but I’m sadly not….”
Mike: “That’s disgusting.”
Katya: “Agreed….I am extraordinarily thankful that my family and I don’t live in Russia anymore….I hope to never have to visit there ever again….The worst part of the whole thing is that even though my nuclear family all supports gay rights and accepts Piotr for who he is, the rest of my family….the ones who still live in Russia do not…My family and I still visit Russia on occasion to see my grandparents and my aunts…and they talk such unbelievable bullshit about him, how he’s a “deviant”, they’ve accused him many times of being a pedophile…..Because of that, Piotr hasn’t been back to Russia since we all became U.S citizens a few years ago….He’s much happier now in the U.S, he lives with his boyfriend whom he loves very much, but he is still dealing with a lot of inner turmoil due to how his home country treated him…..I just, I don’t know why it has to be this way…”

Mike could sense that Katya truly was heartbroken because of how his brother was treated back in Russia…Before he could say anything in an attempt to console Katya, his mind could only think of one thing.

Mike: “(I wonder….what would Ryan say in a situation like this?) Hey Katya? There is someone that I know who could really help your brother….His name is Ryan Carlson, he’s my ex-boyfriend, but we’re still very good friends….He’s working towards a psychology major…..And I think that he could really help Piotr if he’s dealing with any sort of serious depression...Want his number?”
Katya: “Thanks….but no thanks. He already has plenty of friends and his boyfriend helping him out and right now, he’s perfectly ok.”
Mike: “That’s good to hear.”

Katya: “You know, Michael….I’m really grateful to have a friend like you, someone who’s really open minded and sweet....Everybody should try and be more like you.”
Mike: “Thanks Katya, it really means a lot that you think that about me….”

 

[xboxfan34]

Mark De Luca’s Christmas Side Story

Unlike most states, the city of Sunset Valley, California remained at a balmy 76 degrees Fahrenheit on December 20th, only five days before Christmas, a holiday most people associate cold weather and snow with….At approximately 3:30PM, an incredibly sweaty and weary Mark De Luca arrived home after a 30 minute run around the neighborhood….He never used to be into running, but since becoming more physically fit, he now finds it as a great way to unwind and forget about the negatives going through his mind.

He entered the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face to cool down…Impulsively, Mark gazed at his reflection in the mirror…The scar he received on his forehead in the attack faded, but still existed…The scar brought back more painful memories than one for him….Not only was it a reminder of what happened to him two weeks ago….It also reminded him of what happened over the summer….

Mark’s Mother: “No….….my son just can’t be a filthy queer!!!”
Mark’s Father: “You better start saving up your pennies, boy. You’ll never know the exact day but be assured; one day, I WILL kick your faggot ass out of my house and disown you for good. The only way to circumvent this is to stop being a faggot, start chasing after girls, and start acting like a real man should.”

Mark’s entrancement of his thoughts was quickly interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door.

Roy: “Mark? You’ve been in the bathroom for fifteen minutes now…Are you okay?

At that moment, Mark swung the bathroom door open and replied to his uncle.

Mark: “I’m fine.”

Roy: “No…you’re not fine.”
Mark: “Yes I am.”
Roy: “Mark, you told me you were just going to the bathroom to splash some cold water on your face and cool down after your run…You were in there for FIFTEEEN MINUTES straight…I know something is going on, man.”
Mark: Okay….I…I guess I’m just a little depressed, that’s all.”

Roy: “Want to talk about it? I’m all ears…..Is it about Ryan?”
Mark: “Nah, it has nothing to do with Ryan….I guess I’m just depressed at the fact that….This is my first Christmas that I’m spending without Mom and Dad…The holiday season was one of the only times that everybody in my family got along, it was the only time that we all put aside our differences and try to have a good time together as one big happy family….Now, my relationship with my parents have literally fractured to the point that….not even Christmas and New Years can fix it, even if it’s for those few days…..Also, I’ve been thinking of all the good times that I had with my parents when they were still talking to me. They literally bought me everything I could ever ask for around Christmas and we always had a good time together!"

Mark's emotions suddenly shifted from depression to anger.

Mark: "AND NOW I CAN’T EVER GO HOME AGAIN BECAUSE MY PARENTS HATE GAY PEOPLE AND I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF COMING OUT TO THEM AND NOW I’M STUCK HERE WITH YOU!”

At that moment became visibly angry and saddened at his nephew’s comment….

Roy: “EXCUSE ME? ‘Stuck here with you’?! If it wasn’t for me, your ass would be on the streets right now!”
Mark: “That came out so wrong…I’m sorry…”

Roy: “It’s okay….I know you didn’t mean what you said, you’re just frustrated….”
Mark: “Every day since I moved in here with you…..I’ve been trying to figure out how…How could my parents, who raised me to the best of their ability and showered me with love and affection suddenly toss me to the curb just because I happen to be sexually attracted to other guys? I’m tired, uncle Roy…I’m so tired….”

Roy: “It’s perfectly okay to feel anger at your parents….what my brother and my sister-in-law did to you was so beyond the pale of forgiveness and no one can deny it….”
Mark: “This whole time…since I left my parents in the summer, I’ve been putting on this gigantic tough-guy façade and I was trying to convince myself that I don’t want them in my life anymore and that I don’t miss them….And now that the only holiday that my parents and I thoroughly enjoyed without fighting is coming up soon….I just can’t keep lying to myself anymore….I miss my mom and dad. I really do."

Roy: “And it’s also okay to miss the good times with your parents as well….but trust me…You don’t want to try and come crawling back to them, just to have them slam the door in your face and tell you to fuck off…That’s exactly what they want you to do. They want you to come running back to them just so they can officially disown you the minute they see you….Do NOT give them the pleasure of doing that, Mark. You did the right thing six months ago, by leaving a very toxic environment and coming into a loving and accepting one….I can’t duplicate the good times that you and your folks had at Christmastime….but that doesn’t mean I can’t try.”
Mark: “Uncle Roy….I love you, man….Sometimes I feel like you’re the only one who really understands me…..You really are more of a father to me than my real dad…..”
Roy: “I love you too, Mark…..You really are like a son to me….”

 

[xboxfan34]

Emilio and Stacy’s Christmas Side Story

The work was finally done….Most people spend the days leading up to Christmas baking Christmas cookies, going Christmas caroling, looking at lights displays, and doing various other holiday themed activities....Emilio Torres spent his December converting the unused bedroom in his house to a baby room. Due to the fact that neither he nor Stacy knows the sex of their child yet, Emilio decided that it would be best to keep the theme of the baby room unisex….About an hour ago, Stacey went out to see her gynecologist, leaving Emilio alone to finish the baby’s room.

Emilio: “Finally…..It’s done. I really hope she likes this….it’s as unisex as I can make it….God, I wish she would have just waited until we knew if we were gonna have a boy or a girl before doing any work to the baby room.”

Emilio wiped the sweat from his forehead as he admired his work…The walls were covered in a wallpaper depicting blue sky with clouds, the floor had carpeting that resembled multi-colored puzzle pieces, and the baby’s crib contained linens decorated with cartoony stars with smiley faces….After weeks of working on the room, Emilio was relieved with the knowledge that he could finally rest….

He collapsed onto the floor and began to entrance himself in his inner thoughts as his eyes scanned the various baby items decorating the shelf and the dresser…

Emilio: “I just don’t know anymore….I mean, I’m happy that I’m going to be a dad, but….I can’t help but wonder, how good of a father am I going to be to this kid? (sighs) Thanks to all those stupid fucking shows like Maury and Jerry Springer, people have come to the conclusion that all Hispanic men are cheating, deadbeat dads who constantly deny they’re the real father of their children…..I want to prove all those people wrong. I want to be more than a good dad….I want to be the BEST father a son or a daughter could ever want…. ”

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of his wife walking through the door and announcing her arrival home.

Stacy: “KNOCK, KNOCK! I’M HOME!”

Emilio quickly threw his shirt back on and ran downstairs to greet his wife….

Stacy: “Hi Honey, I got GREAT news!”
Emilio: “Stacy, before you say anything, I just got done with the baby’s new room! I’d like you to check it out! See how you like it!”
Stacey: “Ok then!”

Emilio: “You like it?”
Stacey: “Oh Emilio….it’s wonderful! I LOVE the wallpaper we picked out and the crib looks SO cute with the little stars on the bedding! This will be a great room! But there is one problem though….We need to go back to Babies R’ Us and buy a second crib and a second high chair.”
Emilio: “What do you mean, Stacy?”

Stacey: “Well….This is where the great news that I was talking about earlier comes in….Today at the gynecologist, my doctor decided that she wanted to do another ultrasound because she saw something in my first ultrasound that she thought was suspicious, so she did a second ultrasound and…..and…..she found that there wasn’t just one fetus….THERE WERE TWO OF THEM!!! EMILIO…..WE’RE GONNA HAVE TWINS!!!!

Emilio’s senses shut down….When Stacy told him that she had great news, he expected to hear that the baby was developing normally, never in his wildest dreams did he ever expect that their first child would actually be two children...

Emilio: “TWINS!? Oh my God!!!!”
Stacy: “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!!”

Emilio: “So are they going to be identical twins or fraternal twins?”
Stacy: “Supposedly, he saw that the baby was in two different amniotic sacs and there were two different placentas….It looks like they’re fraternal…There’s still no telling what the sex of the babies are yet…..With fraternal twins, they’re not always the same sex. We could have a boy AND a girl! Which will definitely make YOU happy, seeing as how you want a boy.”
Emilio: “Oh Stacy, it really doesn’t matter in the long run…..all that matters is if our babies are healthy and happy.”

Stacy walked out of the room and down the stairs….At that point, all that Emilio could feel was a sense of hope for the future….The feeling of dread and anxiety over being a new father was completely annihilated by the sense of hope...Seeing as how it was December 21st, what took place could easily be construed as a Christmas miracle…

Emilio followed his wife down the flight of stairs and into the kitchen. At that moment, she had something else to say. Something completely unrelated to the news she just gave.

Stacy: “Oh, by the way….You do know we’re going to my Mom and Dad’s place for Christmas Eve, right?”
Emilio: “Yeah….why should this year be any different, we go there EVERY Christmas!”
Stacy: “Would you mind it if I invited my brother over? He now has a great relationship with Dad now and overall, I really do think he needs to be with family this Christmas…I mean, yeah, he lives in a mansion, but it’s gotta be lonely living in that big house completely on your own.”
Emilio: “I don’t mind at all! I’ve always liked Logan, he really is a gentle giant. He may look like he can break your spine like a twig, but he’s a total sweetheart! You know….Every time he comes over, I can’t help but think of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. You know…..because of the whole gay porn thing he does…it’s kind of an elephant in the room whenever he comes over….”
Stacy: “To be honest, I kind of agree with him now….What he does really isn’t porn. He’s a male model who’s not afraid to do nudes….However, it is kind of strange to look at a Black Stallion Studios magazine while I'm at a store and say ‘Holy crap, that’s my brother on the front cover.’”

 

[xboxfan34]

Logan Hardwick’s Christmas Side Story

Logan: “Fuck….where did I put the Versace Eros? I JUST bought a new bottle! Ah, HERE IT IS!”

Christmastime……whether that time is truly the most wonderful time of the year is purely up to your own personal taste….I’ve always tried to make the best out of the holidays. Yeah, it is annoying to wait in long lines in stores to buy gifts, being forced into donating to charity (even though I do give to charity, I like to do it on my own time from the goodness of my OWN heart. I don’t like to be guilted into doing it.), seeing people complain about the so-called “war on Christmas”, and buying and sending Christmas cards to people I’ve only met once in my entire life many years ago…but I’ve always focused on the good when it comes to the holidays….

After finding the bottle of cologne, I gave myself a few spritzes on the neck....Usually, I wear fragrance whenever I’m going out on a date with someone, which sadly doesn’t happen as often as I would wish….However, this time was a little different….

As soon as I was done freshening up, the familiar chimes of my doorbell sounded off….

I answered the door, and was greeted by a large, handsome, muscular bear of a man with a full beard….His jet-black hair was sightly greying, but not enough to be considered a silver daddy…

Man: “You’re….Logan, right?”
Logan: “Yes….you must be Jacob Rowe, right? You look even sexier than your profile picture!”
Jacob: “Why thank you!

It’s been a long time since I used a hookup app….it had to be at least three or four years since the last time…Usually I don’t like to meet up with guys I find on the internet, I’d rather do it the old fashioned way. This time, I figured “what the hell” and used the app for the first time since 2010. Now that I’ve used one, I remember why many gay men live by those hookup apps. It’s just like being a kid in a candy store! Jacob’s profile picture was basically a “Naughty Santa Claus” picture of him naked wearing nothing but a Santa hat with a small Christmas tree hiding his private parts….Due to the fact that it was the holiday season, why not make fucking this hunk an early Christmas present to myself? I got to know him a little bit via the chatroom and we arranged today, December 23rd as the day to meet up.

Logan: “I really got to say, Jacob….you are absolutely jacked! How old are you again?
Jacob: “I’m 56.”
Logan: “Shut up! No you’re not…You look 42 at the most!”
Jacob: “I ain’t yankin’ your chain. I’m really 56!”
Logan: “Wow, you’re in great shape for a guy nearing sixty.”
Jacob: “HEY! Don’t rush things! I ain’t gonna be sixty for another four years!”
Logan: “Sorry……So, want to just get down to business?”
Jacob: “Alright….might as well…”

And without a moment to lose, we started sucking face….During our intense, passionate, and firey makeout session…I lead Jacob into a more secluded area of my home….right into the wardrobe room…While our lips were locked, We both ripped off our clothing and tackled each other on the ground…..I realized that we were going to be doing the deed, right then and there. Jacob and I were both versatile, which meant that we were both able to take turns topping and bottoming…

Jacob: “OH YEAH….Give it to me……”
Logan: “YEAH!!! Fuck me! Oh man….I’m coming….”

Within minutes……it ended as abruptly as it began….

Logan: “Damn…..that was one incredible fuck.….Thanks, I really needed that.”
Jacob: “You’re very welcome, Logan…..Listen, I wish I can stay and chat, but I gotta split.”

Jacob didn’t waste a single moment putting his clothes back on and leaving my home….before he finally left, he had one last thing to say to me….

Jacob: “Have a nice Christmas.”
Logan: “You too.”

Logan: “Wow, talk about ironic….The holiest holiday is only two days away and what am I doing? How am I spending my Christmas? I just fucked some random dude I found on Growlr….God, am I really this desperate for attention and love?”

In the midst of my lamentation, the familiar xylophone tune emanated from the kitchen table, where I left my cell phone charging….According to the caller ID, it was my sister calling….She doesn’t call me that often, so I mentally prepared for something serious to be going on in the Hardwick family…..

Logan: “Hello, Stacy?”
Stacy: “Hi, Logan! What’s up?”
Logan: “Oh, nothing much….”
Stacy: “Listen, Emilio and I are going over Mom and Dad’s house tomorrow for Christmas Eve…Due to the fact that you and Dad got along so great on Thanksgiving, no fights whatsoever…I’d really like it if you came over tomorrow for Christmas.”
Logan: “Well…I wasn’t doing anything special for the holiday anyway…..So, I might as well! See you tomorrow!”
Stacy: “Thank you, Logan!”

Of course, the following day was December 24th, Christmas Eve…Many people ask me whether I prefer Christmas Eve or Christmas Day…For the past few years, both days seemed the same to me, albeit with minor differences….Christmas Eve before this year was spent like this for me….Get up, do my morning workout, and spend the rest of the day drinking eggnog (with plenty of rum in it) and watching It’s A Wonderful Life on TV, do my evening workout, and then go to bed. Christmas Day really is no different, except it’s A Christmas Story instead of It’s A Wonderful Life….For the first time in years, that routine will break…I knocked on the door, and unlike last time, my father greeted me.

Bill: “I’m so glad you came, son!”
Logan: “I’m glad too…”
Bill: “Stacy has some GREAT news concerning her baby to tell you! She already told me and your mother.”

I walked into the living room and saw Stacy eagerly awaiting my arrival. When I entered the room, she jumped at the chance to tell me the news.

Stacy: “Logan, you are NEVER gonna guess what happened to me, never in a million, billion, or 19 JILLION years are you gonna guess what happened to me!!”
Logan: “Okay….so what is it?”
Stacy: “Aren’t you going to guess?”
Logan: “You said it yourself, I will never guess in a million, jillion years what it is….”
Stacy: “Touché…..All right, all right….I’ll tell you. Well basically, I’m not going to have A baby….I’m going to have BABIES!”
Logan: “Babies? Wait….does that mean that you….”
Stacy: “YES! Me and Emilio are going to have TWINS!!!!”

Logan: “TWINS?!! OH MY GOD!!! I am so happy for the both of you!”
Emilio: “Thank you so much, bro!”
Logan: “Do you have any idea what they’re going to be?”
Stacy: “At this point in time, no. It’s really too early in fetal development to know whether I’m going to have a boy and a girl, or either two boys, or two girls.”
Logan: “Ah, what does it matter? I’m just happy that you’re going to have twins!!!”

All in all, Christmas at the Hardwick home went very smoothly….We spent the hours watching Christmas specials on TV, enjoying the occasional Christmas carolers that show up at Mom and Dad’s doorstep, and in the evening, we all gathered around the table and had a wonderful Christmas dinner…Of course, the joy of Christmas was amplified by the fact that my sister and brother-in-law are going to have twins....Looking back now, I really don’t think there is anything wrong with having a little bit of adult oriented fun, but around Christmas, nothing really beats spending that time of the year with your family….

 

[xboxfan34]

Ryan Carlson’s Christmas Side Story

You know, it’s strange….when you think of a cemetery, the first thing that usually comes to mind are things like horror movies, zombies, ghosts….all sorts of scary shit. However, I felt nothing but peace and comfort when I arrived at the cemetery of St. Paul’s Church on the eastern half of town.

What was I doing at a cemetery, you might ask? Well, a few days ago, I mustered up enough courage to finally ask my parents where my deceased baby brother Benjamin was buried. As expected, it did back painful memories for both Mom and Dad, especially Mom, but they understood why I needed to know…I wanted to finally see him and have a few words with him….

With a piece of paper which read the number of the tombstone, my eyes scanned every single individual grave in the cemetery until I finally found #38…The grave wasn’t a traditional tombstone, rather it was a flattened ceramic plaque that was raised a little off the ground….The gravestone read “Benjamin Carlson, Born and died August 17th, 1999. Rest in Peace, our little angel.”

I kneeled down…and began to talk to the gravestone in a soft voice….

Ryan: “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here, Ben….Well, I’ll tell ya.”

Ryan: “A few days ago, I was hanging out with a friend from one of my classes…. He has an older brother and a younger brother each older or younger than him by one year….and he was telling me stories about how they would get in SO much trouble as kids, doing all sorts of stupid shit…. He was telling me about how he and his older brother broke his TV by trying to recreate a pro-wrestling move he saw when him and his brother were watching WWE. They both got grounded for weeks! And then my friend was telling me about how they would conspire to pull pranks on the youngest brother, how all three of them would just brutally beat the living shit out of each other ‘til they were black and blue and still love each other to death….I laughed at a lot of those stories, but in the same vein those stories also made me a little sad…..”

Ryan: “You know….I can’t help but think…How much fun we could have had together if you had survived…Well, beating the shit out of each other put aside, we would have been absolutely inseparable, like real brothers should be….Yeah, we would have had our fights, we would have had our disagreements, but we would always love each other ‘till the very end.....It’s just…(sniff)…Fuck me, I promised myself I wouldn’t get too emotional…I…I just wish you were still alive, Ben.... I mean, I know I have Denise and I love her so much, but....brothers bond with sisters in a completely different way and I’ve always yearned to experience the feeling of having either a younger brother or an older brother….Even though I never met you and I only discovered you just mere months ago, it feels like I knew you my entire life…I love you…..bro.”

In a sullen demeanor….I entered my car, and drove home….Upon entering my house, I noticed that my mother was busy trying to clean up the house in preparation of Christmas in a couple of days…She didn’t look at me, but her motherly intuition knew it was me who walked into her house, not anyone else….

Melinda: “How are you feeling, Ryan? Want some water?”
Ryan: “No…I’m good.”

Melinda: “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Ryan: “Really Mom….I’m fine…Is it okay If I go up to my room for a while…I feel like I need some time to sort stuff out…”

I sat on the side of my bed, sighed….and got lost in my thoughts….Christmas was coming in a few days and with that, I couldn’t help but think about religion. For a while now, I’ve become quite disillusioned with my belief in God. Not that surprising due to the fact that I’m gay, but I’ve always said that being gay and being religious shouldn’t have to be kept separate. I’ve always believed that God loves all human beings, regardless of whether they’re atheist or Christian, or whether they’re gay or straight. But I really can’t help but think of what happened with Benjamin….Why did God want to take him back after only thirty minutes on this Earth? Was it all to punish ME for being born gay? Was it to punish my parents for raising a gay child? A few people have asked me, “Ryan, If you really think that way, why don't you completely renounce your faith and become an atheist?” My whole stance on God is, I believe there are things that happen in this world that are beyond all human comprehension. Science hasn’t explained EVERYTHING and there are certain things that humans just cannot understand….But then I think about all the times that religion has harmed the LGBT community through hateful protests, actively lobbying against gay rights, and in extreme cases, committing hate crimes….And despite all of that, they all worship the same God that I’M supposed to believe in and love….

Heh….Ironic, isn’t it? The day Jesus Christ was born was in a few days and that’s when I decide to go through a crisis of faith….

Denise: “Ryan! RYAN!!!!! GET YOUR ASS UP NOW!!!”

I woke up several days at approximately 7:00AM later to the voice of Denise screeching at the top of her voice. At first, I was confused on why Denise would give me such a rude awakening, but then I peered at my calendar…December 25th, 2013. Christmas day….I knew that Christmas was coming soon, but it truly caught me off guard that it came so soon, despite the fact that my entire family and I spend Christmas Eve last night over my Aunt Jessica’s house (my mother’s sister).

Denise: “Ryan, Mom and Dad aren’t starting Christmas until we’re BOTH up! Now get up NOW! Don’t you want to know what Santa Claus got you for Christmas?”
Ryan: “All right Denise,….I’m up, I just need to get out of bed…..”

I managed to pull myself out of bed…impulsively, I looked out the window…and saw absolutely zero of the white stuff. Why did I even expect there would be snow anyway? I live in California! The only two seasons are three summers and a spring! There has only been snow a handful of times in Sunset Valley as far back as I remember and Denise has only seen one snow in her life…..Around Christmas, the weather is usually in the low to high 60s or sometimes 70s…..Many people think that an endless summer is paradise, but after a while, you get sick and tired of paradise….

Robert and Melinda: “Merry Christmas, kids!”

I walked downstairs to see both my parents smiling and Denise patiently waiting for me to accompany her in opening presents. As usual, the Christmas tree was surrounded by an absolute ocean of wrapped boxes and I could tell that Denise just couldn’t WAIT to dive in!

Ryan: “So Denise, what do you say we start opening our presents?”
Denise: “I wouldn’t want it any other way!”

We dove in, and began to figure out which ones were ours…I managed to find a decent seven boxes with my name on it, and Denise (obviously because she’s the youngest) had ten boxes with her name on it. Denise ended up getting most of what she asked Santa Claus for. A brand new Barbie doll house, a bunch of new Barbie dolls, some clothes she wanted, and a few games for her Nintendo Wii and her DS.

I didn’t ask for anything in particular, so I asked Mom and Dad to surprise me. I ended up getting a new bottle of colongne, a few shirts I was looking at in the store, a pair of Levi 501 skinny leg jeans, a new leather jacket and biker vest, and a few Xbox games. But there was something else…..You see, Mom loves to do the tradition of “surprise presents.” Gifts hidden around the living room for me and Denise. She signaled towards the side of the fireplace. I stuck my hand in that area and pulled out a small/medium sized flat box under the couch for me! I opened it, and was shocked to find that I had a new iPad!!

Ryan: “Oh my GOD!! A new 128GB iPad! I didn't mention that I wanted a new one at all!”
Robert: “Well, I have heard you complain about how you’re running out of space on your old iPad, so Santa Claus thought that it would be best to surprise you!”
Ryan: “This is just what I needed!!! Thank you, Santa!”

Before you ask, Denise still believes that Santa Claus is real, that’s why I didn’t thank my parents directly.

Soon enough, Denise and I opened all the presents in plain sight…..What Denise does NOT know is that I hid a very special present for her behind the Christmas tree….a present that she has been bugging my parents for a LONG time over.

Ryan: “Hey, Denise! Look what I found, it’s MASSIVE present hidden behind the tree!”
Denise: “Who is it for?!”
Ryan: “Let me check the name tag.….(gasp) Denise, It has your name on it! It’s for YOU!”
Denise: “It’s for ME!??!”

She took the box out into the open and began to rip the wrapping paper to shreds…..Inside the box was something that she has been begging my parents for since she was six years old….The reason why my parents finally broke down and asked me to buy it for her was because she brought home an IMMACULATE report card. All As and she made it on the honor roll! She deserved something really special for Christmas, so I finally bought her…….an Easy-Bake oven.

Denise: “Oh…oh….oh my GOD……It’s…it’s an EASY BAKE OVEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE!!!!!!”
Ryan: “Do you like it!”
Dense: “OBVIOUSLY!!! I’ve wanted this since I was six!!!! This is the BEST gift I have EVER gotten!!!”
Ryan: “I was the one who wrote the letter to Santa, telling him about how you got all A’s on your report card and how you made the honor roll at school! He wrote back to me telling me that for all your hard work, you were going to get a VERY special surprise this Christmas!”

At that moment, Denise tackled me like an NFL player in the biggest hug she ever gave me in a long time….

Denise: “THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THE LETTER!!!! YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST BIG BROTHER A GIRL COULD EVER ASK FOR!!!!!”
Ryan: “And you’re the best little sister a guy could ever ask for….”

Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly depressed, stemming from visiting Benjamin’s grave and having a crisis in faith. However seeing Denise elated over her Christmas presents really recharged my happiness batteries…Seeing other people happy sometimes is the BEST anti-depressant….

 

[xboxfan34]

Second Semester
Chapter Sixteen: Return of the Bully

The hour was pretty late….yet I was still stuck in class…I was busy working on getting my thoughts forever on an insanely difficult research paper on the novel Jane Eyre for my English class. My professor had specifically said that our sources for this paper needed to come from actual physical books from the school library and not on the internet….I took a few books out of the library, but unfortunately, the library was overcrowded with people doing research on other assignments, leaving me no peaceful place on campus to do work. After explaining my dilemma to the only professor I’ve met who knew me well enough to understand my plight, Professor Logan Hardwick was nice enough to let my use his classroom after class to work on this paper….

Soon enough, I was done. I had gotten all of my sources written down on paper and had a rough outline of my essay…The only thing left to do was to go home and type what I’ve written on the computer….Upon leaving, I approached Professor Hardwick to bid him goodbye…

Ryan: “Thank you so much for letting me use your classroom to FINALLY get some research done on this paper, I really owe you one.”
Logan: “Anytime, man!”

As I began to slowly walk out of the classroom, against my better judgment, my arm had extended outward and my fingers began to gently and slowly caress Professor Hardwick’s round, muscular, oversized buttocks….Afterwards, I picked up the pace with my walking in hopes that Professor Hardwick didn’t notice what I did, but it backfired….

Logan: “Hey Ryan, c’mere….I want to talk to you.”

Ryan: “What is it?
Logan: “I’m gonna be really blunt with you, Ryan….Did you just touch my ass?”

I froze….My eyes began to frantically scan the room as my brain worked overtime to try and think up of any excuse, any explanation to why Professor Hardwick felt my hand on his ass but I didn’t physically do it….Suddenly, I just gave up….and told him the truth.

Ryan: “Yes, yes I did.”

Professor Hardwick approached me and instead of showing anger towards my actions, reacted in a completely different way than what I expected….

Logan: “Well…maybe you don’t have to go home so early….maybe you can stay a while….”

With that said, Professor Hardwick put his hands around my waist and began to gaze romantically into my eyes….I returned the favor by caressing his muscular back and gazing into his gorgeous crystalline blue-green/grey eyes….

Ryan: “I’ve been wanting you to do this for a long, long time….Now let’s not waste any more time, gimme all you got!”

As soon as I said those words, we both instantaneously locked lips….The long, wet, sloppy and passionate kiss seemed to have lasted a lifetime…However, it didn’t….Right when I was about to unbutton the first button on his tight, form fitting dress shirt..... I was thrust from my fantasy world…right back into the real world.

Ryan: “(GASP)…..FUCK!!! Another fucking dream about Professor Hardwick, it’s the third fucking time since winter break began!”

It seemed that since my first semester ended, I suddenly began to have dreams about Professor Hardwick…Not just any dreams though, I was having these vivid, realistic, and almost lucid dreams about him. Every single one of them had to do with me having a not a sexual encounter, but more of a romantic encounter with Professor Hardwick.

I laid back on the bed and checked the time on my alarm clock….5:15AM…Seeing as how I don’t have school until the end of January, I had enough time to sleep in…However, I felt that I didn’t feel tired at all, so I laid my head back and rested a little bit….however my thoughts about Professor Hardwick were constantly intruding in my head when I was trying to rest....

I closed my eyes and tried my damndest to block them out so I can rest....

Suddenly, it all came to a head.

Ryan: “THAT’S IT! I can’t keep my feelings bottled up anymore! I need to e-mail Professor Hardwick and tell him how I really feel!”

I ran downstairs to the computer, turned it on and waited for it to boot up. I then launched Firefox, opened up my email window and began to pour my heart out…..

“Dear Professor Hardwick
I can’t hold this in anymore. You are, by far the sexiest man I have ever met in my life. I’m still in disbelief on how someone can still look so muscular and so sexy even at the age of 46. Every time you walked close to me in class, I get more aroused than a stallion in heat. And that one time where you wore those tight khaki pants and I saw your perfectly sculpted glutes and quads, It took everything inside me to keep myself from getting on my knees and begging you to make sweet love to me. Here is my number. Hopefully we can work something out.
Ryan Carlson.”

Within minutes of sending that email, I got a reply…..However, the reply wasn’t the kind I was hoping for….In fact this reply told me that my email could potentially spell doom for my academic future.

“ You have (1) New Message from LHardwick
Ryan, I am shocked and completely appalled by your message. I treated you with the utmost respect in my class, even to the point that you became like a son to me, but now I realize that it took all of your inner strength to keep you from raping me. That is just disgusting, and may I remind you that I am a 100% heterosexual man. I am not, nor will I ever be interested in having sexual relations with another man, let alone a male student. I will not tolerate this. I do not ever want to see you in my office or anywhere near my students again. Be assured that the dean of students WILL be notified about this. And you can bet that if Administration lets you graduate after what you’ve done, I may very well file a restraining order against you. Ordering you to stay at least 100 yards away from my home.”

Ryan: “No….no….NO!!!! Why did I do that?! Now I’m going to be EXPELLED!!! Well played, Ryan, well fucking played!”

Shock and horror was all that I felt….I knew that it was going to be a huge risk telling Professor Hardwick what I felt about him, but after getting the reply…and knowing that he was going to tell the dean about what I did, how I tried to proposition sex with my professor….I had no chance. I was fucked….my college education went completely down the toilet...They would tell other colleges about what I did. They would never accept me…My chances of a high paying, easy job has all but dissapeared…..my only choices now are manual labor or the military….This had to be some kind of nightmare………

Thankfully, that was exactly what it was.

Ryan: “GAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!! (pant) (pant) Jesus Christ…..goddamn…..it was just a dream..…thank GOD.”

I was thrust out of the dream world at just the right moment..…the email to Professor Hardwick, potentially getting expelled from school….it all never happened. It was all just a product of my imagination…

As I got up out of bed, I felt like getting a baseball bat or a crowbar to beat myself over the head with for having that dream…

Ryan: “Ugh, GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD, RYAN. You will NEVER have a chance with Professor Hardwick! It's just not gonna happen! You need to get over it because at this point, the only one you’re stressing out is yourself.”

Anyway, now that my rant on the dreams that I’ve been having about Professor Hardwick is over, I think it’s only appropriate to tell all of the readers of this iJournal about my holidays season….It went great! I had a very nice Christmas with my parents and Denise and we also had a great New Years! I’m still in disbelief that it’s now 2014…It seems like 2010 was only last year….Shortly after I got up, I walked downstairs to see Denise all ready for school, as surly and moody as ever…

Ryan: “Hey, Denise.”
Denise: “Do NOT speak to me.”
Ryan: “Oh my God, Denise are you STILL upset about that?”
Denise: “It’s NOT FAIR! You’re a college student and you don’t have to go to school until almost February! I’m only a kid and I have to go back to school just one day after New Year’s Day! This SUCKS!”
Ryan: “Denise, I’m sure it’s not that bad, I mean, today is Thursday! At least after Friday, you’ll have the weekend like we always do!”
Denise: “Christmas break was SO short this year! We only got like, a little bit more than a week off…I wish all Christmas breaks were like the one I had back in first grade….When we got off on December 20th and we didn’t go back until January 5th!”
Ryan: “I remember that….that was my first year of high school….that was a long break, 15 days to be exact! Listen Denise, I couldn’t stand short holiday breaks either when I was your age…But think about this instead, you’re going to see all of your friends in school today, aren’t you looking forward to that?”
Denise: “Yeah…I guess so.”
Ryan: “Good. Keep that positive attitude up all day and you’ll have a good day at school!”

Pretty soon, the school bus came and picked Denise up to take her to Sunset Valley Primary School….the same school I went to as a kid….Interestingly enough, there was only one year of both of our schooling careers that we were both in the same school…2008-2009. Denise was in Kindergarten, I was in 8th Grade….we never saw each other in school because she was in the “little kid building” and I was in the “big kid building”, but I just think it’s interesting to point it out.

 

[xboxfan34]

The hours passed by and pretty soon, it was almost time for Denise to come home from school…..As much as I love having time off, it does get boring and mundane after a while….Hell, at this point, I’m almost willing to get a job just to break the monotony! I walked downstairs to see Mom by the computer….As soon as I walked near her, she called out for me.

Melinda: “Ryan? Denise has actually been home for about five minutes and….she seems pretty upset...”
Ryan: “Did you try asking her what was wrong?”
Melinda: “I did…but she told me she’d rather tell you what was going on….Like I said, she seems really upset for some reason….it’s probably something with bullies at school..”
Ryan: Okay…..I’ll talk to her…”

I walked into Denise’s room….she was sitting on her bed, vacantly staring at the wall….Her eyes were a deep scarlet red, indicating that before I walked in….she was crying her eyes out.

Ryan: “Denise? Mommy and Daddy told me that you wanted to talk to me after you got home….Is there anything going on in school?”

At that moment, tears started to well up in Denise’s eyes. She got up off the bed and ran over to me. She pounced on me and began to bawl her eyes out. It was obvious that something was really wrong. Something more than just a stupid bully calling her a “doo-doo head” or something like that.

Denise: “RYAN, EVERYBODY IS BULLYING ME AT SCHOOL, EVEN THE TEACHERS ARE DOING IT!!!!”

Ryan: “Ok, sis. Calm down…take a few deep breaths….and please tell me what is going on.”
Denise: “Well…uhh (sniff)…well....Today…um…I told you what happened to my teacher, right?”
Ryan: “Yeah…You told me that Mrs. Garcia was pregnant and that she was only going to be teaching your class from the beginning of school to the day before Christmas break because her baby was due in January.”
Denise: “Today, my class met our new teacher and he was the meanest teacher in the world! He ran over to me and screamed in my face during math class today….He told me, “You better put your goddamn hand down and shut your ass up right now and do not speak unless spoken to, you understand?!” when I asked him a question about long division! Then he said “I don’t care what any other teacher says, so long as you’re in MY class, you’ll follow MY rules.” And then later in the day he threatened to send me and two other kids to the principal’s office! We weren't doing ANYTHING wrong!!”
Ryan: “Oh my God…..”
Denise: “And at recess…..A group of these 8th grade girls came up to me….(sniff) and they told me that I was a loser, and they said I was a lesbian, then they called me a bitch….and the…(sniff)..the “see you next Tuesday” word. AND THEN THEY TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD GO COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE ALL MY FRIENDS JUST PRETEND TO LIKE ME BECAUSE THEY JUST FEEL SORRY FOR ME AND THAT NO ONE ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!!!”

Denise broke down crying again. Within seconds, both Mom and Dad walked upstairs into Denise’s bedroom and looked at me….All I could say in reply to their wordless inquiry was….

Ryan: “She told me everything…..Mom, Dad…you were right…She’s getting bullied in school, and it’s really bad.”
Robert: “Really? Sweetie? Want to talk about it?”

Denise stared out her window, still hyperventilating and crying over what happened to her in school today. It was clear that Mom and Dad weren’t going to get any answers out of her….

Ryan: “She’s really distraught right now, so I think it’s best if I told her what she told me…..”
Melinda: “Okay….what did she say?”
Ryan: “Well according to her, during recess, a bunch of 8th graders came up to her and started to tease her…They were calling her a bunch of really disgusting names like “bitch” and “cunt” and they told her that she should kill herself because none of her friends really like her.”
Robert: “That's horrible…..”
Denise: “Ryan, you didn’t tell them about the teacher!!!”
Ryan: “Another thing, the replacement teacher for Mrs. Garcia yelled and cursed at her.”
Robert: “He CURSED at her?”
Denise: “He told me to put my goddamn hand down and shut my ass up! And then he singled me and two other kids out by the end of the day and threatened to send us both to the office!!! All I did was ask him a question about long division!”
Melinda: “Wow….That is so out of line, a teacher using that kind of language in the classroom.”

Suddenly, I began to think of a distant memory….the way Denise described the way her teacher yelled at her brought back memories of MY 8th grade teacher, who was an asshole who bullied me and other students…My mind began to think of the worst possible case scenario, despite being fired, could he have found his way back into the walls of Sunset Valley Primary?….I needed to know the name of the teacher that bullied Denise….

Ryan: “Denise, listen to me carefully….Do you remember the name of this teacher?”
Denise: “Yeah….his name was like....Mr. Wolf or something like that.”

He was back. Mr. Jacob Wolfe, the most hated teacher in the history of Sunset Valley Primary School was reinstated and he was now teaching 5th graders.

Ryan: “Denise, you’re not going to believe this but…I actually had Mr. Wolfe as a teacher in 8th Grade…”
Denise: “REALLY?”
Ryan: “Yeah….he had actually gotten fired, but for some reason Principal Weinstein reinstated him…”

After I mentioned that I had once had Mr. Wolfe as a teacher, a pregnant pause enveloped the entire family…..until my mother spoke up.

Melinda: “So, what do we do? About both Mr. Wolfe bullying her and those asshole 8th graders bullying her?”
Ryan: “I have a plan, actually…I still keep in touch with a few friends that were in my class in middle school. It’s a long shot, but If I mention to them that Mr. Wolfe has been re-instated and is now teaching younger kids, that fact alone should outrage them enough to help me take action against Principal Weinstein’s decision to give that piece of shit his job back terrorizing kids…..I gotta make some serious phone calls after dinner…..”
Robert: “Please, do whatever it takes to take that prick teacher down.”
Ryan: “And Denise….I promise you with all my heart that I will try to do everything in my power to make sure you will never see that awful man ever again.”
Denise: “Thank you, Ryan….thank you so much…”

That evening, instead of spending the night playing the new Xbox games I got for Christmas, my night was spent making a very important phone call to someone who I was friends with all throughout my schooling career….

Ryan: “Hey Garret?”
Garret: “Ryan? Ryan Carlson? Jesus Christ, bro! It’s been forever since we’ve talked! At least six months! How’ve you been?”
Ryan: “Pretty good….But there’s a pretty serious reason as to why I’m ringing you now…Remember that fucking asshole teacher Mr. Wolfe that we had in 8th grade?”
Garret: “Yeah, I hated him with a passion. I’m glad he got fired.”
Ryan: “Well guess what just happened…..Today, my sister Denise came home today crying her eyes out because not only were a group of douchebag 8th graders teasing her on the playground, but Mr. Wolfe was rehired, and is now Denise’s new 5th grade teacher.”
Garret: “You’re kidding.”
Ryan: “I’m sadly not kidding.”
Garret: “Wow….Poor Denise….She must be absolutely traumatized…Remember that time when the majority of the class failed one of his math tests? He basically forced us to stand against the wall, and he went absolutely fucking BALLISTIC! He was throwing chairs, throwing books, screaming about how horrible we all were, and when one of the girls started crying, he screamed in her face and gave her two days of recess detention, just for crying! God, we gotta do something, it’s only a matter of time before he does something like that with Denise’s class!”
Ryan: “I was thinking that the two of us organize a visit with Principal Weinstein and we ask him why he rehired Mr. Wolfe after he saw firsthand how awful he treats his students….I’ll tell him what Denise said to me and hopefully, we can re-convince him to fire that piece of shit, once and for all.”
Garret: “I’m with you on this, man….let’s make it happen.”

The very next day, I arrived at the school with my friend Garret Harrington…School was still in session by the time we arrived there and our appointment to see the principal was at 3:30, so we had to wait for a little bit before all the students let out. In the meantime, we sought this as an opportunity to catch up bit on things.

Ryan: “So, Garret…how are you and things going with Amber?
Garret: “It’s going okay, I guess….being in a long-distance relationship is pretty tough and I can’t STAND that she moved to a state like bum-fuck Montana…she’s got to be bored to death up there! I was thinking about visiting her, but I can’t seem to find any cheap flights to Montana….So anyway, how are things in the boyfriend department for you?”
Ryan: “Honestly, could be going a LOT better. I can’t seem to stay in a stable relationship for any reason! Late last year, I found out that my friend Mark De Luca was gay and we ended up getting together…”
Garret: “I remember Mark….He was a really nice kid, I hung out with him a few times, played some Call of Duty, that sort of thing. Wouldn’t have ever imagined he was gay, though.”
Ryan: “So basically, we get together and everything goes cool with our relationship until our first date. After the date was over, he got attacked by a homophobic gang who; get this, was led by Vinnie Rivera.”
Garret: “Don’t even mention that name, man. I fucking DESPISED Vinnie Rivera. And I still can’t believe you were friends with him. I’m not a violent person, but I actually almost beat the shit out of him once because he did something so fucking douchey and underhanded to me that I almost lost control of myself.”
Ryan: “Trust me, I was never really friends with him and I sure ain’t friends with him anymore. In fact, I actually kicked the living shit out of Vinnie after him and his friends attacked Mark! Anyway, after the attack, Mark told me that he simply wasn’t comfortable being in a relationship and would rather just be friends.”

In the middle of our conversation, the school secretary had approached us….I hadn’t known how much time Garret and I killed just shooting the shit with each other until the secretary came out to see us…We arrived at 2:45, but 3:30 had already came before we knew it.

Secretary: “Excuse me? Principal Weinstein will see you now.”
Ryan: “Thank you.”

Principal Weinstein: “I haven’t seen you boys in such a long time? How are things?”
Ryan: “Right now, we’re doing fine, but I must tell you that this really isn’t a social visit. There are some pretty serious matters to discuss right now concerning my sister, Denise.”
Principal Weinsten: “Ok, I’m listening.”
Garret: “I guess we really should open with this question. Why did you re-hire Mr. Wolfe, this time as a 5th grade teacher after you witnessed him bullying and intimidating students back in 2009?"

Instantaneously, I could see the color drain from the principal’s face as he turned away from us….I could tell right away that he regretted the decision and there was an outside power that was out of his control that was at work when it came to rehiring the unpopular teacher….In fact, he flat out said-

Principal Weinstein: “I didn’t want to do it…….This school year; 2013 to 2014, saw absolutely ZERO new teachers hired. In the history of Sunset Valley Primary, this only happened a handful of times. I figured that if no teachers had to leave this year, then we’d be in the clear….Like a shot in the dark, Mrs. Alisa Garcia basically told her students and the rest of the teachers that she was pregnant and she would only be teaching from September to December….The school was suddenly thrown in a flux. The worst case scenario came true, a teacher was leaving the school at such an inopportune time. I couldn’t deny Mrs. Garcia her maternity leave....The only teacher that was available to take over Mrs. Garcia’s place was unfortunately, Mr. Jacob Wolfe…..It gave me no pleasure to do this, but I gave him a second chance and he promised me he had changed.”

Ryan: “Yeah, well pardon my French, but Mr. Wolfe is a fucking liar. Yesterday, Denise came home crying because not only were a bunch of 8th graders picking on her at recess, but she HAS Mr. Wolfe as a teacher and she told me that he screamed at and insulted her when she asked a question in class! You said that you didn’t want a moral crisis, but look at what your decision did! A smart little girl who loved school was petrified to go to school today and she’ll remain that way so long as that bastard is still teaching her class! Thanks a lot!”

Principal Weinstein: “Listen, I would LOVE to fire him. Nothing would make me happier, but what am I supposed to do afterwards? As I said before, this year saw absolutely no new teachers being hired. If I do fire Mr. Wolfe, the only think I can think of to do is to combine both Mr. Wolfe and Ms. Johnston’s classes into one big 40 student class in the auditorium with Ms. Johnston teaching….”
Garret: “If I can make a suggestion, I’d like to say this. I really don’t think that you or the superintendent of schools should necessarily be waiting for new teachers to arrive at your doorstep. I think what you both should do is look for new teachers yourselves. You can’t just sit there and wait for a new teacher to arrive at the school. Sometimes, you need to be proactive.”
Principal Weinstein: “Thank you both for coming here. Had I known that Mr. Wolfe was lying to me just to get the job, I would have never rehired him….Garret, I will definitely make that suggestion to the superintendent as soon as I can….And Ryan, I will also do something about the 8th graders that were picking on your sister. I’ll probably end up scheduling a school assembly for the 8th graders only.”

The following Monday, Mom and Dad told me that they were working late so I had the house to myself most of the day. At around 3:00, Denise suddenly burst through the door. I had expected to hear the worst, but instead, Denise was all smiles…As soon as I saw the HUGE grin on her face, I knew right away that Garret and I succeeded at our goal.

Denise: “RYAN! THE BEST THING HAPPENED TODAY!!!”
Ryan: “What is it?”
Denise: “Mr. Wolfe is gone! And we have the BEST new teacher ever! Not only is she like, the COOLEST lady ever, she is also SO nice and she is a great teacher! Her name is Miss Perkins!”
Ryan: “That’s so nice to hear…I’m glad to see that my efforts didn’t go to waste….”
Denise: "And not only that, but those 8th grade girls that were bullying me? All five of them have recess detention for THREE ENTIRE MONTHS!!!"
Ryan: Three entire months of recess detention?! Wow...The school really didn't waste any time....

For once….things actually went as according to plan and everyone’s happy….Well…maybe not Mr. Wolfe or Denise's bullies, but who gives a fuck about them?

 

[xboxfan34]

Second Semester
Chapter Seventeen: Strange Attraction

I couldn’t wait to get home.

I know, I’ve said that PLENTY of times when I come home from a long day’s work educating young men and women, but this time was different…I REALLY couldn’t wait to get back home…

As I’ve done for the past few days when I got home from work, I instinctively checked the mailbox to see if my package has come yet. I sent away for my item about ten days ago, it was supposed to come in only five, but for some reason, the shipping got delayed….However this time, checking the mailbox did NOT yield a disappointment as I pulled out a brown cardboard box the size of an old 1980s cell phone….

I rushed into my house and slammed the door behind me….Part of me wanted to just rip that box apart, but I took in a deep breath and kept my composure…I wanted to savor this moment for as long as I could….

After a few seconds of self-preparation, I opened the box to reveal an item that I’ve always wanted to buy for quite a long time, but never had the time nor the courage to ask for…..It was a brand new dark purple silicon dildo….I’ve always wanted to buy a sex toy. Initially, it was due to the fact that I was curious about what bottoming felt like, then I experienced the real thing, most recently with Marion. Now, despite knowing what bottoming feels like, I decided to buy one anyway. I figured that using a dildo will help me have an easier time bottoming for a future partners...

Logan: “You know, maybe I should hold off using this until tonight….You know what, fuck it. I waited ten days for this toy, I’ll use it right now!”

The dildo I chose wasn’t large or thick at all. It was approximately four to five inches in length and three inches in circumference. I didn’t need anything that was too big or wide, just something to get myself used to bottoming in general. After a short time deliberating on where I should use this dildo in my own house, I finally decided on my bedroom.
Within a few minutes, I was finished with all my preparations, which included using a douche to fully 100% clean myself “down there”. I then proceeded to one by one, take off every single item of clothing I had on, as if I was performing a striptease for this dildo…

I then took out my tablet and placed it on the pillows of my bed…I logged onto PornHub and selected one of my favorite pornos ever posted on the site. It’s been on that site since 2010, and was still there in February of 2014, so I figured that if the porn studio who produced it didn’t request to have it removed by now, it probably won’t ever be….
The porno consisted of an impeccably handsome, slim yet muscle bound young man approximately 23-24 years old meeting with his personal trainer, a huge, hulking, bearded muscle bear with the body of a professional wrestler who looked like he was in his late 40s, maybe early 50s. The porno started in a pretty cliché way. The personal trainer complimented the young man’s looks and physique, which led them both to admit their attractions for one another.

(Young Bodybuilder: “I don’t know how you’re gonna react to this, but I’ve always found you very attractive.”)
(Muscle Bear: “That’s weird, I’ve always felt the same about you….”)
(Young Bodybuilder: “But I thought you were straight!”)
(Muscle Bear: “What you see on the outside may not be what’s on the inside…”)

As the two men began to make out and slowly take off their clothes, I applied some lubrication to the toy and began to grind the tip between my ass cheeks, prodding against my hole.

Soon enough, the two men in the porno had taken off their clothes down to their underwear. The young man was wearing a pair of tight black boxers that went down to just above his knees, but the older, more muscular personal trainer was wearing a very tight and revealing dark green bikini brief. The tight bikini beautifully outlined his gratuitous genitals and framed the muscle bear’s gorgeous bubble butt. The young man began to massage the man’s ass cheeks with his right hand… At this point, I began to slowly insert the tip of the toy gently inside of me…
As soon as the tip was inside, I stopped, letting the opening relax and preventing any serious pain that could come with penetrating myself….

Logan: “Come on, you can do this…..you took Marion’s nine incher with no problem….Just relax….and just slide it in.”

The muscle bear in the video pulled down his underwear and bent over, exposing his fleshy and voluptuous, yet smooth ass to the young, slim bodybuilder. The young man kneeled, and proceeded to give the bear the mother of all rimjobs, feverishly licking and swabbing the inside of his ass cheeks with his tounge. The muscle bear quivered his bountiful buttcheeks, clearly enjoying having his ass licked.

(Muscle Bear: Damn, man…get that tongue in nice and deep…..Yeah, eat that hole….)

At that point, as the porno became hotter and hotter, the toy slithered up my hole all the way to the base…..

Logan: "Oh….FUCK YES!!!"

The very first time I ever watched this porno, I fully expected the older muscle bear to be the dominant top and the younger bodybuilder to be the submissive bottom. You could imagine the surprise I felt when the young man pulled down his tight boxers, whipped out his money maker, put on a condom and some lube, and proceeded to bang the living shit out of the muscle bear.

(Muscle Bear: FUCK!!! YEAH!! Come on, you like that big fucking ass, don’t ya?! GIMME THAT DICK, GIVE DADDY ALL YOU FUCKING GOT!)
(Young Bodybuilder: OH YES!!! YEAH YOUR ASS IS SO FUCKING TIGHT!!)


I left the dildo (technically a butt plug) inside of me and began to feverishly shake my ass, fucking myself rapidly with the toy and pretending that I was the one that was being fucked by the young bodybuilder…..However, I was also fantasizing about being fucked by another handsome young man I knew….

Logan: “Yeah, fuck me! FUCK ME, MAN! Come on, Ryan, you know you want to fuck my big giant muscle ass, I’ve seen you eyeballing it since the first day you were in my class!”

Ryan……

Ryan Carlson. The student in my History of Sociology class last semester….I remember him very well…Much like the guy in the porno I’m watching, an extremely handsome, muscle-bound young man, with looks that could give Chris Evans a run for his money….In addition to his looks, he is also one of the kindest, most loving young men you could ever hope to meet. He was the kind that just loved to make new friends and it doesn’t matter who you are, he just loved to meet new people…He was also a pretty damn chivalrous guy too, always held the door open for other people, always tried to give good advice to people who needed help...He’s exactly the kind of man I like…Absolutely perfect boyfriend or husband material.

I came around the same time the young man in the video came….I then shut off the video, took the dildo out of my ass, stripped the bed of the now semen-stained comforter, washed the dildo thoroughly, put it in the bathroom drawer and went about my day as if nothing happened.

I didn’t feel like going through the hassle of putting my suit and tie back on, so I tossed every item of clothing I had on in laundry basket. I went downstairs to my wardrobe room and picked out a red speedo from my vast collection of speedos, men’s bikinis, jockstraps, and men’s thongs. I didn’t really want to stay au naturel all day, but I also wasn’t in the mood to get dressed again, so I decided to wear as little as possible. I figured if I want to get dressed later, I’ll just put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt over the speedo.

I walked upstairs all the way to my outside balcony. One of the MAJOR perks about living in California is the fact that the weather is warm year round. I’m outside, wearing nothing but a speedo that leaves little to the imagination, and it’s in the middle of FEBRUARY. I couldn’t imagine doing something like that in a place like New York.

I stared into the flowing waters of the ocean below me, seeing the waves cascade onto the rock formations and crashing down on my private beach….As I gazed into the waters, my thoughts turned to Ryan once again…Part of me wants to acknowledge the fact that I’m beginning to like Ryan more and more as a crush, but another part of me wants to hide it from everyone and anyone…

Logan: “I hope you realize you are treading into some dangerous territory here, Logan.... Having a crush on a student like this.... Teacher/student relationships have filled countless law textbooks with statutory rape cases. But this isn’t high school, this is college. Ryan’s already graduated from high school and he’s 18 years old. He is a consenting adult in the eyes of the law…..But still, it sounds pretty damn creepy, a 46 year old liking an 18 year old….Not illegal, but still pretty creepy.”

Logan: “And besides…Who’s to say that Ryan even is gay in the first place? He’s probably straight, which would mean I’d have no chance with him whatsoever…There was that one time he was sort of looking at my butt in an almost provocative manner, but I don’t think that necessarily means anything....”

Pretty soon, I noticed it was getting pretty late and I was getting kind of hungry....I figured there was no sense spending all night out in the elements thinking about someone I’ll probably never have a chance with….I went back inside, put on some sweats and a t-shirt and thought about what I wanted to eat….

 

[xboxfan34]

Second Semester
Chapter Eighteen Part One: What You’ve Waited For


Well…..........it happened.

I don’t know how it happened, but it happened.

And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are either a first time reader of my iJournal, or you haven’t been paying any attention whatsoever.

Where do I even start with this? How did “it” happen? I guess I’ll start from the beginning like any other story….

One word can describe the interregnum between a semester’s start and a semester’s end. STRESS. Stress, and lots of it. I should have expected that the work in college would be a little more excessive, but I never thought it would hit me head-on like this….After coming home from classes at 12:30PM on Friday, I could be forgiven for thinking that the stress was over with another week of school out of the way…But then I looked at the laundry list of homework this week….two short essays for English 102 and American History 101…They’re short essays, only have to be a page long. Easy enough, right? Yeah, it is easy…but then add five pages of algebra homework from the textbook and an English project on a Bronte sisters novel of my choice. (Which is thankfully is due four weeks away, but I should get started on it.) And the cherry on top of the shit sundae? Constant reminders that midterms are coming up and I should get a head start on studying.

About an hour later, I had gotten done with both of the short essays…I was about to breathe a sigh of relief until I suddenly realized…I still had the five pages of algebra homework to do…and it’s all factoring quadratic equations, my least favorite kind of math….I figured there was no way out of it, my math professor, as kind and reasonable as she is, does check homework on a bi-weekly basis to make sure her students are doing it…..

I walked upstairs to my bedroom, cracked open the textbook to page 138, and looked at the first question….Factor by grouping: (2X^3+3X^2-5X )+(8X^2Y+12XY-20Y)…..Instantaneously, my heart sank…I was in no mood for this shit.

Ryan: “Okay, so split the problem into two groups….Pull out one of the Xs and divide that by the exponents…..Now what is eight, twelve, and twenty divisible by? What’s the number….wait….DAMN IT! FUCK! I can’t deal with this shit right now!”

I slammed the book shut and nearly threw it at the wall…I used to understand factoring even though I didn’t enjoy doing it….Now it seems like the piece of grey matter up in my head just doesn’t want to work properly when it comes to math...

Ryan: “Ugh...I can’t think straight enough to do this fucking math…….Well, I did get the two short essays done, at least that’s something kind of productive…..And the math homework doesn’t need to be done until next class, which is five days away….I should get the English project started….Nah, I can’t focus on that shit right now….”

I felt desperate for any way to relieve the stress of school….Little did I know that the decision I was about to make in this point in time was the powder keg that would make a long standing fantasy come true….

Ryan: “God…I’d go to the beach right now, but it’s only 64 degrees outside, pretty cold for California...The mall, maybe? Nah, I got nothing to buy and it’s Friday, the mall will be extra crowded with droves of high schoolers….I GOT IT! The pool at school! It’s open to any student, and not a lot of people go in! Even on Fridays!”

As soon as I packed my duffel bag with a swimsuit and a towel…I walked downstairs to see that my mother was watching TV…Part of me was happy she was home, so I could tell someone where I was going so I don’t have to deal with an accusing Mom or Dad grilling me on why I didn’t tell anyone I was going out, or a crying Denise saying “OH MY GOD RYAN RAN AWAY FROM HOME AND HE’S NEVER COMING BACK!!!” when I get back home.

Ryan: “Hey, Ma? I’m going out for a little bit.”
Melinda: “Ok, honey! Have fun and be safe!”

I drove to school to find out that the gym complex and the pool was open, but absolutely no one was inside. Not even a disinterested, texting, or tablet-reading lifeguard was sitting on the lifeguard stand….I walked into the men’s locker room, same story. I was the only living thing inside and the only sound I could hear other than my breathing was absolute, deafening silence….The whole experience was both peaceful and a little creepy at the same time….

I walked inside the pool hall, and I was taken aback at just how tranquil it was…The only sounds that were echoing in the gigantic room was the sound of the chlorinated water gently cascading to the sides of the pool. I could close my eyes and swear I was listening to the ocean….I found the sound to be so relaxing and stress relieving that I didn’t even want to swim anymore….I pulled up a pool chair, reclined into it and closed my eyes…But after ten minutes of pure tranquility, I became distracted by the soft padding sound of human barefoot footsteps on concrete….

Ryan: “So much for being all alone….”

I opened my eyes…..and my jaw dropped.

After scanning the room with my eyes for a second, they became fixated on only one focal point…The six-foot-two muscular man walking across the pool hall in a manly stride…His powerful pillar-like leg muscles rippling with each step he took, the tiny, revealing neon blue and violet speedo the muscle man wore outlined his large bulge and perfect ass amazingly…..The man’s abs were killer, his pectorals were perfect, his biceps were fucking beautiful…And the face, the powerful, intimidating, almost Clint Eastwood-esque look with his wolfish greyish hazel eyes, his facial stubble and goatee, his jet black hair….The face I recognized as Black Stallion Studio’s model Matt Manchester, and certified psychology and sociology professor Logan Hardwick….

 

[xboxfan34]

I re-closed my eyes…..What I just witnessed could not have been real….There was no way….there had to be another explanation.........Maybe I’m not really in the gym complex of Sunset Valley Community College....I’m exploring the Mojave desert…and what I just saw, the sight of Professor Logan Hardwick walking into the pool area of the school’s gym area wearing nothing but a tight, blue and purple speedo was nothing more than just a mirage, a hallucination….There was only one way to find out for absolute sure whether what I saw was reality or not…

I opened my eyes.

He was still there….and he was closer to me.

Time moved slower as Prof. Hardwick approached me, my mind began to race…The man of my dreams, wearing almost nothing is walking towards me….he’s going to notice me…he’s going to say hello…he’s going to want to talk to me for a little bit…I needed to make a good impression and FAST.

Ryan’s Inner Mind: “Shitshitshitshitfuckfuckfuckfuck he’s right there and he’s coming closer….God he looks so good…what do I say to him “Hi, How about that weather?” No! That won’t work…FUCK, I’m blowing it! I’m blowing my only chance of making a good impression on him!!! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuckmefuckmefuckme.”

Suddenly, the turmoil in my mind was neutralized instantly with one simple phrase, uttered by Prof. Hardwick.

Logan: “Oh, hey Ryan! I didn’t think there was anyone else in the pool other than me, how’s it going, man!”

Ryan: “Pretty good, I’m just here to relax, that’s all….A lot of stress with school…”
Logan: “I see, man. What classes are you taking?”
Ryan: “Let’s see….English 102: British Literature, Math 103: Algebra, History 102: American History and….Science 101: Earth Science.”
Logan: “Pretty interesting classes….I’m surprised you took another Math…Usually most students finish Math 101 and say “fuck Math, I’m done with it!”
Ryan: “Well, my counsellor said that it would look much better on my transcript if I did a second college level math…It’s going pretty good, a little confusing but nothing I can’t handle….”
Logan: “That’s good to hear.”

Prof. Hardwick sat down on the pool chair adjacent to mine….he was now mere inches away from me…

Ryan: "So....Professor.....what's new with you?"
Logan: “Nothing much at the moment......I’m going to be an uncle soon, you know that? My sister Stacy; You know, the girl in the picture on my desk? She’s is pregnant with twins!”
Ryan: “Seriously? I’m so happy for the both of you!!”
Logan: “Thanks Ryan!”
Ryan: “Do you know if Stacy is going to have? As in boys or girls or both?”
Logan: “Well, her last ultrasound showed that one of the babies is a boy, because of the angle, they can’t tell if the other one is a boy or a girl…So, it’s either gonna be two boys or a boy and a girl."

The conversation suddenly shifted away from Logan’s sister being pregnant to myself.

Logan: “Hey Ryan, I really got to say, after seeing you with your shirt off...I’m surprised to see just how fuckin’ JACKED you are! Are you into bodybuilding?
Ryan: “Me? A bodybuilder? Nah, not really. I had mentioned one day in class that I played football in high school, I was a runningback. Despite not playing anymore, I’ve always wanted to stay in shape….I’m not bodybuilder or anything, I’m just….muscular. That’s it…..While we’re on that subject, I’ve always wanted to tell you how good of shape you’re in, professor. I mean, I wish I had abs and pecs like yours and…….and………..no, I can’t do this.”
Logan: “What? Were you going to say something else?”

Ryan: “No, seriously….It’s nothing. I wasn’t going to say anything.
Logan: “Ryan, It doesn’t take a psychology major to see that something is bothering you…so what’s up? I’m listening.”
Ryan: “Please professor, I’m not….nothing’s wrong!”

At that point, something happened to Prof. Hardwick….for the first time ever, I witnessed him actually become angry at me…This is the first time that I ever saw his normally gentle personality ever somewhat match his tough-looking exterior…Now, I felt like I had no choice but to slowly reveal some secrets.

Logan: “You are SO full of shit! You’re practically shaking like fucking Jell-O right now. Something is bothering you and I want to know. And I’m NOT talking to you as your professor. I’m talking to you as a friend……So please….what’s up?
Ryan: “Ok….You forced it out of me. Now, I don’t know how you’re going to react to this….but as a friend, you deserve to know the truth. I’m gay.”

Logan: “Wait….You? YOU’RE gay?!”
Ryan: “Yeah, I am. Got a problem with me being gay?”
Logan: “NO! It’s just that….I would have never expected in a million years that someone like….well, you, an All-American football playing jock would be gay…”
Ryan: “Well, I’m definitely not stereotypical….but, yeah. It’s true, I’m attracted to guys.”
Logan: “Um……while we’re on that note…..I kind of….have a confession to make myself…..I am too.”

My jaw dropped, hitting the concrete floor….Logan said “I am too.” When the preceding statement was me saying that I was attracted to guys. No, this was TOO fucking good to be true. At that point, I was thinking in my head, “Somebody pinch me now, I’m dreaming. There is now way this could be reality, I’m going to wake up any second in my bed and none of this would have actually happened.” Serendipitously, I dug one of my fingernails into my leg…I felt the pain, but nothing else happened…It was all real.

Ryan: “WHAT?! Professor, there is no possible way that YOU of all people…..are gay. There is no way! You’re so…manly and strong…”
Logan: “You shatter the stereotypes too…I was surprised when you told me you’re gay….”
Ryan: “Wow….I can’t believe this…I came out to you, but I would have never expected that YOU would come out to ME…Like, you can’t make this shit up! I had a secret to tell you, you had a secret to tell me, and we both came out of the closet at the same time!”

Despite both coming out to each other, the conversation still remained pretty platonic…

Logan: “So, are you out to anyone other than me yet?”
Ryan: “Yes, I am. I’ve told my mother, my father, a few of my close friends from high school, and almost all of my new friends from college. Coming out to my parents was a scary and a relieving experience, I didn’t really have a lot to be scared about due to the fact that my mom is a grief center worker and my dad is a practicing psychoanalyst/counselor. They were both very educated people who knew that homosexuality is a 100% normal natural occurrence. Obviously, they accepted me and they still love me. My parents explained it to my little sister Denise to the best of their ability so she knows I’m gay. Like how my parents taught her, she knew that there really wasn’t anything different about me other than I like other guys. She still annoys me in all the same ways!
Logan: “Heh…That’s a really wonderful story. Nice to see that your family accepts you, even your little sister!”
Ryan: “Thanks professor! Do you mind me asking about your coming out experience?”
Logan: “Well….Mine ended on a happy note, but it took a while to get there. I’ve known I was gay for a long time before I came out. I think my moment of realization was when I looked at a Playboy magazine and it just didn’t do anything for me and when I looked at one of my mother’s beefcake magazines, I found myself more interested in THAT. I had come out to my parents when I was nineteen years old in 1986. My mother knew right away that homosexuality was normal and accepted me with open arms…..My Dad on the other hand, it took him a while….We were raised in a very Catholic household, we went to Mass every Sunday and didn’t eat meat on Friday year-round. Sadly, he at first told me that homosexuality was unnatural, I was going to get AIDS, and that I was running the risk of going to Hell when I die…”
Ryan: “Oh…my God. I’m so, so sorry Professor. I didn’t know your father was like that.
Logan: “At one point, he raised doubts that he would ever be able to raise a gay son and threatened to either disown me, or leave my mother. Thankfully it never happened. The priest from our local church stepped in and said to my Dad, “Look, you really should not be admonishing your son for being homosexual. God made him different for a reason and even though living with a gay son might be a big adjustment for you, I have faith that you’ll learn to accept him in time.” That talk with the priest really was Dad’s wake-up call. He never said another homophobic thing to me and told me that he loves me no matter what I am….until he said that my homosexuality was probably a “passing phase”. It wasn’t until four years after I came out that he began to realize that the “phase” wasn’t ending. The day after you talked to me in my office about what happened to your baby brother, I visited my father who was going through his cancer scare. In our long conversation, the topic of me being gay came up and he apologized to me for all of the homophobic things he said to me. As I suspected, he always thought gay men were the cause of the 1980s HIV/AIDS pandemic in the US and that he fell victim to the times. Of course, I’ve forgiven him and we have a much stronger relationship now than we’ve ever had…By the way, he didn’t have cancer, it was just polyps.”
Ryan: “That is so great to hear, Professor. Usually people who have had parents say homophobic things to them just never want to ever have any contact with them ever again. I do understand why, and I understand that some parents are just too homophobic and ignorant to ever accept their children for being different…It’s nice to see that you gave your Dad a second chance and he became a better person.
Logan: Thanks Ryan…..And by the way, can you stop calling me “professor”? We’re not in class anymore! Call me Logan!"

Now that it’s evident that Professor Hardwick....or rather Logan and I are both gay, it was time. It was time to finally just let it go and tell him my other secret...The secret I was most afraid to tell anyone….With both of us being gay, the worst that can happen is him saying “Sorry, not interested.” I inhaled the chlorine scented air deeply and took a deep breath….

Ryan: “Profes—uhh....I mean….Logan…There is another thing that I’ve wanted to tell you and it was actually the thing I hesitated on before I came out to you. You were telling me about how good of shape I’m in….Well, I was about to tell you that I think your body is incredible too…..I mean, you are by far, the sexiest man I have ever laid my eyes on. Your abs are amazing, your pecs are just perfection, you have the sexiest-looking biceps of any guy I have ever met….Your legs are just….immaculate….You have beefiest muscle butt I’ve ever seen, and just everything about you, I find attractive! Your looks, your personality and just…..you in general….I’ve felt this way about you for a very long time, at first I was just sexually attracted to you, but as I began to discover you as a person, I became attracted to just everything about you……..Logan, I think I like you as more than just a friend.

I did it. I finally fucking did it……I admitted my attraction to my crush…Logan paused, his eyes trailed around the room. His expression seemed to indicate that he may not have been totally surprised at what he just heard me say….

Logan: “Wow…I mean…….part of me knew that this day would eventually come…I’ve always suspected you had the hots for me…..Heh, I mean, the times where I wore those really tight black dress pants or those tight khakis, part of me knew you were paying extra attention, heh heh.....And, well…..Recently, I’ve been kind of feeling the same about you. I mean, for all the reasons that you pointed out being attracted to me, I feel the same way about you. You have an amazing physique, an extraordinarily handsome face, and just a great personality. You really are a beautiful person both in and out, Ryan…..I’ve began to view you as perfect boyfriend material, despite the large age difference between us.”

Once again, I had the “this is too good to be true” feeling again and I once again, subtlety pinched myself on the leg to make sure I wasn’t dreaming…..And I wasn’t. This was no dream. This was reality where the only dream taking place is a dream coming true. Not only did Logan not freak out when I admitted I was attracted to him, it came to light that he was attracted to me too…We both stood up on our feet….and gazed into each other’s beautiful eyes; my blue ones, his grey ones….Next, we stepped closer to each other….I held him close by his rigid muscular back and he held me by my waist…Our mouths became closer and closer until….

Logan: “No, let’s not do this here. We shouldn’t do anything crazy in public, especially on school grounds….Listen, I’ll give you my cell phone number and my home address…We can do whatever we want to each other……..tonight.”

We both ran back into the mens locker room where we took our cell phones out and exchanged each other’s phone numbers…..Immediately, he texted me his address. He lived in southern Sunset Valley, pretty much known as “Little Beverly Hills”, it’s basically the wealthy subdivision of Sunset Valley.

Logan: “So I’ll see you tonight? Text me if anything happens and we’ll reschedule this little….meeting.”
Ryan: “Yep, if nothing else comes up, I will definitely be seeing you!”
Logan: “Alrighty then!”

Logan and I shared a quick, friendly hug before going our separate ways in the locker room. I was tempted to get a peek of Logan taking off his speedo, but I decided not to…If we were truly going to go all the way tonight, then why spoil it now? Deep down inside, I was on the verge of freaking the hell out…This must be what it feels like when a boy band fangirl gets front row seats and VIP passes to one of their concerts…However, there was ONE final question about Logan Hardwick that I desperately needed to know if I’m right or not…..Is he Black Stallion Studios model Matthew Manchester? Or is Matt Manchester just a guy that looks like Logan Hardwick? I made a point to bring it up when I meet at his house.

I walked out of the gym, with a huge shit-eating grin on my face back to my car….

Ryan: “Well…..against all odds, it looks like you’re finally going to get the man of your dreams….Heh…life is hard to deal with, but it can be downright AWESOME at times…Oh man….life is good.”