To be a friend or not?

[screwnutty]

Hey.

Okay I have this friend (yeah, I know. Where do I meet these guys...don't worry I ask myself the same question all the time.) who was a really good friend. We hung out alot and I told him I was gay and he was cool with it and such. Around christmas time his computer broke and he asked me for a loan. I felt sorry for him because he's been having a string of bad luck lately and so I agreed to loan him the money only if he gave me a downpayment in good faith and such right. Well he needed a new computer, so we ordered one from Dell and put it on my credit card. He then said he would have the down payment for me as soon as the computer arrived. It came. He stopped by to pick it up and didn't have the down payment. I was suffering from the flu and just wasn't really up to protesting much and like I said, I trusted him. He said he have the money to me by the end of next week.

So next week comes, then the next and the next and he doesn't return my calls etc. Always got his answering machine. I was about ready to confront him outside of his place when he left me a text message on my cell saying "Motherboard is fried. Called Dell but they won't fix it until you give okay". Later that night I call him and get the story and he goes why is it in your name. I said cause I paid for it. Don't worry they change it to your name when I tell them too. Which will happen when you pay me in full okay. He gets angry with me and stuff and hangs up on me. I text him back saying I'll okay the part as soon as I get my down payment. 4 days pass and finally he coughs up the money. I call dell well he is in front of me and the next day he has his computer fixed.

However he's mad at me cause I held him "hostage" as he said. I didnt say anything and we didnt talk to each other for 3 weeks. Then I get this phone call from him and he's all crying and shit and wants to hang out with me cause he got fired from his job. I told him that wasn't a good idea since I was going to be busy for the day. He goes whatever and hangs up. I go about my business for the day.

I come home and fire up MSN to talk to a few friends to see how things are going and he's of course online and starts to talk to me asking why i didnt want to hang out with him. I told him I had stuff to do and such and I asked him why he lost his job and if he was okay. BIG MISTAKE!!

He told me to mind my own business and that's the one thing he hates about me now. How I've changed and become more gay over the years. I said I beg your pardon?! He goes "I use to enjoy going over to your place to watch a movie or play video games and chill out without worrying about my problems but I can't anymore cause you ask me what's wrong and asking how things are going and then the way you joke with your other friends about being gay and such."

I didnt say anything. He continues and asks me why I have to be so gay and why I can just like girls like the rest of my friends. I told him because I don't like girls in that way. I can't see myself having sex with a girl because it disgust me. No offence. But it just does. I have nothing against women...I just won't sleep with them.

He asks if I'm done my rant because he has one of his own. He then proceeds to tell me that he finds having sex with guys disgusting and that he can't look at me without thinking of me having sex with a guy.

With that I told him to fuck off and I blocked and removed him from MSN. Now after I calmed down a bit, I'm beginning to think that maybe I should have just shrugged it off until i got all of my money back. But a friend of mine told me I did the right thing and what the hell is wrong with "Friend A" thinking about me having sex. He goes that's fucked up dude....I mean I dont look at my friends and think about them having sex and I said...neither do I?

So I figured I'd ask for some advice. What do you think?

 

[chillyboi]

much luck to you screwnutty

 

[lunarus]

First of all sorry to hear about what has transpired thus far...

Second DO NOT ever loan money to a friend and or family unless you are ready to never see it again. Unfortunately that is how it seems to always work out.

Third after his little tirade I would, if in your position just cut my losses while I was ahead. I sounds like he did in fact have some issues with you being gay and never voiced them...

If I were him I would have paid you how ever I could whether it be little amounts our large installments. But then again that is me and I never borrow from friends or family because inevitably I would hear I gave you such and such and you owe me...

Just my two nickles and again sorry this is happening to you.

 

[screwnutty]

^^
Thanks Lunarus! I figure I'm just going to have to cut my loses too. Trust me, I didnt say yes right away. He begged for a few days. I just can't believe that I been friends with him for the last few years and now he's voicing his opinion on my sexuality. One of my other friends thinks he's in the closet and that I'm a reminder of something that he's trying to hide. Right now...I just don't care anymore.

 

[bwbw86]

This guy sounds really ignorant. I wouldn't make anymore effort to be his friend. Let him take the initiative. And if he does, make it clear how uncalled for his comments were.

 

[puka-pride]

tell me you made a contract.....

take him to judge judy she'll cut him a new one harcore

and no he doesn't sound like a friend he sounds like a user

on a side note... I don't look at my str8 friends and think of the gross heterosex they have.... its kidna weird that he looks at you and thinks about you fucking guys... kinda... gay actually... maybe he has some pent up homosexual desires....

 

[treanir]

Egads, what an arse. I don't know if this is possible, but if you want to be a bastard too (I believe you're entitled to it in this case, but it's your call), could you find a way to take the computer back? If not, just forget this guy ever existed. And make sure you ignore his next plea for money/support. 'Cause there will be more...

*hug*

 

[screwnutty]

tell me you made a contract.....

and no he doesn't sound like a friend he sounds like a user

on a side note... I don't look at my str8 friends and think of the gross heterosex they have.... its kidna weird that he looks at you and thinks about you fucking guys... kinda... gay actually... maybe he has some pent up homosexual desires....

Hey Puka-pride, yeah I made him sign a promisary note. He was little upset at the time cause he didnt think I trusted him, but I said this is business and friendships end when it comes to business.

yeah, I'm starting to look back and think that he was a major user.

about your last part...that's what disturbs me the most, more so then the money he owes me. Why would he say that? And I'd love to say that is gay, but I don't care. I'm getting to old for this shit.

 

[KaraBulut]

Suze Orman says some very wise things. One of those wise things is to never lend money to friends or family.

Either you give them the money or you just say, "No, I don't lend money".

Lending money is a great way to damage a relationship irreparably.

At this point, you should give up on the idea that you're going to be paid back. If you let go of that idea, then it will clearer whether you wish to remain friends with him.

I'd recommend that you not waste your time since there's all kinds of evidence that he's NOT a guy that believes in 2-way friendships but that's your decision to make.

 

[Telstra]

First of all sorry to hear about what has transpired thus far...

Second DO NOT ever loan money to a friend and or family unless you are ready to never see it again. Unfortunately that is how it seems to always work out.

Third after his little tirade I would, if in your position just cut my losses while I was ahead. I sounds like he did in fact have some issues with you being gay and never voiced them...

If I were him I would have paid you how ever I could whether it be little amounts our large installments. But then again that is me and I never borrow from friends or family because inevitably I would hear I gave you such and such and you owe me...

Just my two nickles and again sorry this is happening to you.

good advice, but shouldn't friend and or family pay back what they borrowed ?
The reason being they insist on borrowing.

 

[screwnutty]

Suze Orman says some very wise things. One of those wise things is to never lend money to friends or family.

Either you give them the money or you just say, "No, I don't lend money".

Lending money is a great way to damage a relationship irreparably.

At this point, you should give up on the idea that you're going to be paid back. If you let go of that idea, then it will clearer whether you wish to remain friends with him.

I'd recommend that you not waste your time since there's all kinds of evidence that he's NOT a guy that believes in 2-way friendships but that's your decision to make.

There is nothing left to decide. He is no longer a friend. I've decided that early this morning. With supposed friends like him....who the hell needs enemies.

 

[puka-pride]

Hey Puka-pride, yeah I made him sign a promisary note. He was little upset at the time cause he didnt think I trusted him, but I said this is business and friendships end when it comes to business.

yeah, I'm starting to look back and think that he was a major user.

about your last part...that's what disturbs me the most, more so then the money he owes me. Why would he say that? And I'd love to say that is gay, but I don't care. I'm getting to old for this shit.

well thats good.. then u can take him to court and u'll win the case if he doens't pay u back

 

[GL]

its up to you but if you have a promissory note then you might be able to take him to small claims court.

its obvious that you've learned that always painful lesson of lending money to friends and for that i am sorry. its never easy truth be told.

as to his comments? i'm with everyone else- it sounds like he has his own issues with gays in general. in fact it sort of sounds like a deep closet issue if you ask me.

 

[torand]

Either you give them the money or you just say, "No, I don't lend money".

This, IMO. If you can afford to never see the money again, you can give it with the expectation to never see it again. If they want to pay you back, that is cool, but you can't expect it, or ever bring it up or it will put a strain on your relationship (Be it just friendship or more).

I am currently helping my ex pay for the house that we used to share, and I have no intention of seeing that money again. He says he will pay me back, but if he does I will be pleasantly surprised, and if he doesn't I will have had my expectations met .

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I don't know what your financial situation is, but I can tell you that if I advanced a friend the money for a computer, I would not be inclined to just drop the whole thing!

If you really have a promissory note from him, you're in a pretty strong position.

Drop him a line saying "If you don't want to be my friend, that's your choice. But I do expect to be paid back for the computer. I'll be happy to work with you to set up a repayment schedule that's realistic for you."

 

[innocentbychoice]

I think you did the right thing.

Is this money really necessary? Because if it isn't, then just let it go. Be thankful that you have a job to support you and move on.

And this guy is wayyyy to worried about you being gay or not. Why does it bother him so much? I don't really want to go there, but seems like he might be hiding something.

 

[screwnutty]

I think you did the right thing.

Is this money really necessary? Because if it isn't, then just let it go. Be thankful that you have a job to support you and move on.

And this guy is wayyyy to worried about you being gay or not. Why does it bother him so much? I don't really want to go there, but seems like he might be hiding something.

okay I wasn't going to say the amount but it's $1,100 Canadian dollars that he owes me still. I think it's pretty much gone. Note or no note. Yeah, I've learned a very valuable lession here and that is that you just can't trust people anymore.

As for him being worried about me being gay....he wasn't before. Everything use to be cool between us (hence why I gave him the money). It was this last fight about him not giving me a down payment and the motherboard breaking that he seemed to get mad with me. Then he just asked me why I never tried a girl before and I said I can't...the thought of it is disgusting to me. That's when he countered with his words and shit. I texted him this morning after he removed me from all other internet sites and on xbox live to tell him that I don't want to be his friend anymore since I make him feel this disgusted.

I don't give a rat's ass if he is in denial or is fighitng issues with himself. I'm too old to try and help him come to terms with himself...especially now. There's plenty of help lines and the internet that he can look for support. Besides the way I provoke the hatred in him, I really can't help him.

 

[innocentbychoice]

^ That's true.

Well the guy seems to be freaking annoying so I'm glad you don't feel bad about not being friends with him anymore.