To those in relationships with an age gap:

[IntoEternity]

(I'm talking about age gaps like 20 and 45 or so)

How does it work? Like, how do you deal with it? Do you hang out with his friends and does he hang out with your friends? If so, what do they think about it? If not, how come? I mean, it seems difficult when one person's in college or just finishing college and the other has been through twice as much and then some. Is there ever a problem with maturity or the lack of?

I just want to hear about experiences from both parties in this situation, any relevant stories are welcome.

 

[aijalon18]

This is interesting. Ive always wondered too. Because my friends are such a big part of my life. It is important that whomever I'm with can get a long with them. Not just politely say hi and then leave. They need to be able to get along with them because we do so many things together. My friends are easy going and easy to get a long with but we joke around with each other. I just cant imagine someone in their 40s or 50s getting our jokes or references.

 

[hotb0d]

I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. He turned 40 today and I'm 21 at the moment. We are obviously taking it slow because we know the "bumps" that are there for potential couples with a rather than normal age difference. All I can say is that I enjoy every moments I am with him, he can make me laugh and smile. Above all, he's a great lover and a great person overall. I'd be stupid to pass on him just because of our age difference.

We do have some common interests as well as different interests. But we take our times to get to know each other and the differences. I think I'm matured for my age so I have no problems having conversations with him. I think that's one of the reasons he's willing to date a younger guy like me right now. so

I believe you should just take things one step at a time. I don't know how deep you are in your relationship, but in the beginning....just enjoy his company. Learn about each other's life, past and future. And later on at some point, make a judgment whether you guys are a good match and if the age difference will cause a problem later on.

Obviously people will tell you that 20 years from now. He will be just about to be underground and you're only 40ish....what will you do then? That is up to you. I have decided if within that 20 years we still manage to stay together. I assume we will adopt a kid or two. If he dies...then I'll have the memories and the kids to keep me happy.

 

[DanikShade]

This is an interesting topic for me. I had the incredible luck of finding someone that's 18 almost 19, and I'm nearing 44. We've just recently figured out the feelings we have for each other and its been amazing. I'm worried about the age gap but I'm patient. Its a long distance relationship and we only get to see each other once a week so absence makes the heart grow fonder right?

The only thing I can do is make sure he knows I'm there for him and to give him whatever freedom he needs. He's still working on the coming out issue and I'm in no hurry to make him come out. He calls most of the shots right now while he's figuring himself out.

 

[igamenir]

I don't think I'm common case, but I'll tell you my experiences too. When I was 21 to 23, I was in two year relationship with a 40 to 42 guy. You might read some of the topics about our problems there, because there were too many differences between us.

I was young, from kinda wealthier happy family, naive, proud, optimistic, with nice emergency money on bank account and getting nice calm job ... he was older, poorer, without any real family, with bad experiences, bad job, lots of debts, broken, pesimist.
So sometimes it was nice to get the nice pleasant middle of everything, sometimes we argued, especially about money and job, and politics.

He taught me lot about life and people, and sex, too. But that was the reason of breaking after all - I've learned that the life is about more then him, there are not good people including him and that sex is better with more alike guy.

So it didn't worked, but to be sincere, I don't think it was completely the age thing, as you can see.

 

[fetaby]

(I'm talking about age gaps like 20 and 45 or so)

How does it work? Like, how do you deal with it?Works like a charm... Do you hang out with his friends and does he hang out with your friends? We met through a mutual friend, so yeah. We both have a wide variety of friends. If so, what do they think about it?I honestly don't know.. The one's that have said anything have only expressed their happiness at seeing me happy. If not, how come? I mean, it seems difficult when one person's in college or just finishing college and the other has been through twice as much and then some. Is there ever a problem with maturity or the lack of? Well, this part doesn't quite apply as I'm 30 and thinking a lil bit older than who you had in mind.

I just want to hear about experiences from both parties in this situation, any relevant stories are welcome.

When I decided to commit myself to my man, I turned some of these ideas over in my head as well. And the deciding factors ended up being how he treated me, and the way he makes me feel. As I feel, I want him to feel as well, so I went for it.

I'm happier now than I ever have been, and I look forward to the time spent with him it doesn't matter where we go, or who we are with...

I still have my friends, and he has his, but it's not so much about them as it is about us...

And it may seem like a not so nice thing, but my friends are genuinely happy that I've found someone that loves me.

I hope that helps.

 

[IntoEternity]

Thanks for the responses guys. I'm not quite in such a relationship yet, but I might be looking quite soon. I'm just not sure how I'd handle it. I mean, my friends are important to me, and ideally I wouldn't keep friends and relationship separate, but it's a bit of an odd situation.

What got me thinking about it is the friend-with-benefits that I've been seeing lately. He's 41 and I'm 19, and since I'm moving away we established early on there would be no relationship. But we talk obviously and we came to the conclusion that it would be pretty hard to actually be in a relationship mainly because we aren't really sure how we'd handle the age thing.

For instance, my friends will occasionally bring their girlfriends out when we go for food or something, which is fine because we all get along... but it'd be a little different if I were to bring along a 41 year old in a crowd of 19 and 20 year olds. Not to say that the 41 year old won't get along with the crowd but as aijalon18 said there are jokes that he might not get, or just might not find funny for whatever reason.

 

[deserter85]

I'm currently 24 and my partner is 43.

I've met many of his friends and I'm settling in pretty well.

On the other hand, he'd only met a few of my friends, but my friends who've met him do love him

 

[morgaes]

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 6 months now. He's 11 years older and to top it off he's Polish (I'm Icelandic - we mostly communicate with each other in English).

First of all it's very fitting that he does not really act as if he's 31 - he's "young in spirit" and I'm mature compared to many guys my age (if I do say so myself, lol).

He loves hanging out with my friends and as far as I know my friends really like him. I do like his friends, but they mostly speak Polish, so I can't say I am very close to them. I just started university and he still has to write his thesis. He is also on his way to uni to study Icelandic so we are at a similar point in our lives.

There is a noticeable generation gap sometimes, like with tastes in music and stuff like that, but that has never been a problem.