Told my housemate I love him... bad move

[mano]

The fact that you have him on the run and slamming doors means that you have struck a nerve. He is either hates gays or he is curious and wants and feels some of the same things you are feeling. One side of his head is telling him that it should not be that way and that is causing a war between the two sides of his brain. He is angry with you for unleashing the battle and there is nothing you can do about that. He is probably scared to death about coming to grips with the truth. Anger is a very common reaction when the truth is coming out and the person does not wanna deal with it. That's true with everything from sexuality to a bounced check.

My suggestion is to give him some space and see if he can work some things out and grow some balls to tell the truth to the person he sees in the mirror every morning. Things will be much better if he comes to you in his own time rather than you pushing him.

 

[randomfreak]

Thanks for the down-to-earth advice, rareboy. I don't plan on seeing a counselor since it didn't do me much good. Prozac was only a temporary solution as well. And I think I was just being an attention whore in my last post.

I think I'll just ignore him for now. If he doesn't want to see me, fine. If he wants to see me, he can come look for me himself.

Now this topic is officially about jorts. Now that I'm in a better mood, the convo about jorts actually looks pretty darn hilarious. XD

 

[KaraBulut]

Prozac was only a temporary solution as well.

Just to clarify- antidepressants are supposed to be a temporary solution. And it's much easier on the liver than self-medicating with alcohol.

I think I'll just ignore him for now. If he doesn't want to see me, fine. If he wants to see me, he can come look for me himself.

Giving him space until he calms down a bit is probably a good idea. At some point, if you're going to continue living together, you will have to have a discussion with him and try to work through it. Otherwise, it's going to be a miserable school year for you both.

 

[randomfreak]

He actually did come looking for me today and we just hung out. He asked me the usual questions about being gay... he seemed curious. He said he had a "friend" who was a model who turned gay after seeing so many other handsome models on the job... or something like that. My housemate used to be a model. I'm just really hoping that this "friend" is nonexistent. =P

I think yesterday he locked his room because he was studying for an exam, so yeah, I was just overthinking it. His exams are still like a week away, but he's so studious. @_@ I guess he's adorable that way, though.

Yeah, I'd say I'm very happy right now. I better not get my hopes too high until everything becomes clearer though.

And I'm off with the alcohol. I tend to use alcohol as an excuse to get people's attention. =\ I need to stop doing that. I drink, but I drink responsibly.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK so your friend is a hot model who has this hot model friend who "turned gay" being around all those hot model guys - but really there is no other hot model guy just the hot model guy who is obviously hot for you

Really?

 

[Telstra]

ok, but you can still find other people for friendship or fun.

 

[theplayerking]

I told him that right now there's nothing I want more than being his boyfriend.

I think this is part of your problem. That's coming on too strong even if he were openly gay. Next time this happens, and yes, there will be a next time, start out slowly. Guys, especially young, closeted guys, are more open to fooling around first and then becoming "boyfriends" rather than the other way around.

 

[EphGuy]

That was an incredible blunder!

Boundaries are incredibly important when you're sharing a roof with somebody with who you are not involved intimately. First and foremost, you should never put them in a position where they feel uncomfortable: this is the place to which they have to come home, unwind, sleep.

If you're gay, you should let that be know prior to moving in. And if a potential housemate nixes you for being gay, it does not necessarily mean that (s)he is a homophobe.

When you come-on to a housemate whose interest in you is unknown, you've really crossed the line. One summer I was sharing a house with a guy who really fell for one of our female housemates and she did not feel the same about him. At first she was cool about it, but he was so smitten he mistook her good manners for a 'maybe'. It got incredibly awkward: thank God we only had to live with it for a couple of months.

 

[nugmartin]

So any update on your flatmate? Hope things are better now

 

[randomfreak]

Well, Beau, I only quoted him when I said "turned gay". =P But yes, when you put it that way, I was obviously being irrational. lol

As for the update: I'm still awfully smitten but things look okay for now. He's been awfully cheerful for the past few days and of course I'm happy to see him smile so much. Right now I'm just leaving him alone... I stopped paying so much attention to him because it might get too intrusive. He can seek me out whenever he wants to chat. He also knows that I'm gay, so if he's a closet gay, he can come out whenever he feels comfortable, and if he's straight, well, nothing happens... I'm not gonna lie, I want him so badly since it's not often that a Mr. Perfect (brains, looks, personality) comes by, let alone lives with you, but meh... He's probably beyond my reach anyway. Even if he really is gay, he has better options than plain ol' me. =|

P.S. playerking, how far is "fooling around"? >_O Because the last time I fell for someone, he was constantly hugging me, would stick like glue whenever we sat next to each other, and would often rest his head on my shoulder. He even asked to suck my dick but I pretended not to hear. -_- This went on for like half a year. I asked him out. He said he was straight. He has been avoiding me ever since. Trauma ensues. I don't want to repeat that. I don't want to fall so hard for someone only to have that happen again. I'd like to hear the person say he's gay so I can eventually win over his heart, not try to win his heart only to have him adamantly deny that he's gay.

 

[rareboy]

You ignored a guy asking to suck your dick for 6 months?

No wonder he's avoiding you.

Don't play games with other guys. Don't let other guys play games with you. Either go for it or tell them/accept that it isn't going to happen and move on.

 

[randomfreak]

rareboy: Okay, I worded it wrong. He only asked once. We were just acting like lovebirds for half a year. I wasn't ignoring him. I just wanted to be in a relationship first before doing anything sexual. I'm afraid I would look like I'm only after him for sex if I let him suck me off before we were boyfriends.

I guess the question is: when is "fooling around" too far?

And so far my housemate hasn't looked for me except for when he had internet problems and asked me to reset the router (which is in my room). We never hang out anymore. He's never in the house either. I think he's avoiding me and just doesn't care about me at all. I wish he'd reciprocate the feeling even a bit, considering how much I care for him.

Yep, it's time for me to move on. He's not interested.

 

[rareboy]

I think he's avoiding me and just doesn't care about me at all. I wish he'd reciprocate the feeling even a bit, considering how much I care for him.

Slap yourself.

There.

Stop living this fantasy. Stop pining for him to have feelings for you that he clearly does not have. Stop nurturing this not so secret desire. I'll bet that every time you see him, your infatuation is written all over your face.

You, young man, need to find that boyfriend out there who I guarantee is as cute, as funny, as interested in you as you are in them.

 

[variglog]

Erm I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know how you feel. Think about it this way, not only am I also alone at college, I'm also living by myself about an hour away from the school. I'm sure that things will look up for the both of us, and if not, ehh, what can we do?