Tolerance// Respect// Responsibility// Etc

[LilBit]

Tolerance

What does it mean to you? Putting up with things that you don't necessarily like.
Can it be taught? Yes, to a certain extent. But I see it as a Band-Aid rather than as an actual solution.

Respect

What does it mean to you? Recognizing the value of something/someone else.
What does it take to earn respect? A demonstration of that value.
Can someone who is disrespectful be taught to be respectful? I'm honestly not sure.

Responsibility

Do you take responsibility for your actions? I try to.
Do you expect others to take responsibility for theirs? I do, but I'm usually not surprised when they don't.

Fear
Are you ruled by fear? No, but it does prevent me from becoming a herpetologist.
Do you fear that which you do not understand? No. If I don't understand something I try to learn about it. I'm an academic; that's how I function.
Do you ever try to understand that which you fear? See above.

Misogyny
What does it mean to you? A lack of respect for women.
Do you think it exists? Hell motherfucking yes. I see it all the time, and it pisses me the fuck off.

Homophobia
Will it ever go away? Doubt it. It might go underground, but the sentiment will remain.
Who do you find most homophobic? And why do you think that? Ignorant, close-minded people. They refuse to learn about things that they don't want to understand, because it's easier to just hate what you don't understand. It takes too much effort to change one's world view.

 

[sabot3ur]

it's supa late, what else would I do?

Tolerance

1. What does it mean to you?
being okay with things you don't necessarily understand, but know to be not harmful.

Can it be taught?
mhm.

Respect

What does it mean to you?
being conscientious about a person's feelings and motivations.. holding someone in a generally positive regard whether you like them personally or not.

What does it take to earn respect?
to earn it from me? have a good heart.. consider me... I don't really have black/white versions of respect for everyone

Can someone who is disrespectful be taught to be respectful?
yep. it's easier to do the opposite, though.

Responsibility

Do you take responsibility for your actions?
yes I do.

Do you expect others to take responsibility for theirs?
yes I do.

Fear
Are you ruled by fear?
not at all.

Do you fear that which you do not understand?
no.

Do you ever try to understand that which you fear?
not really fear, so much as dislike.. and yes.

Misogyny
What does it mean to you?
it's obvious that men and women are extremely different. if you want to hate either group for that then you're silly.

Do you think it exists?
yes, in varying degrees in different cultures. in my life, I see equal amounts of misandry and misogyny.

Homophobia
Will it ever go away?
sure.

Who do you find most homophobic? And why do you think that?
who? probably middle and high schoolers. traditionalists. ignorant people. and the vocal anti-gay groups you always hear about.. why? because they don't get it.

 

[kevbo]

Tolerance is putting aside opinions and emotions on a certain thing for a greater good, and yes, it can be taught.

Respect is treating people how you want to be treated. Everyone has my respect, until they lose it. And to regain it, all I need is a real apology.

Misogyny and Homophobia are alive and kicking, and I don't think they'll ever truly go away. But of course, there is also Classism, Ageism, Xenophobia, Misandry, and Ableism that need not be ignored, either.

 

[LilBit]

If you're referring to me, I'd appreciate you being upfront.

Honestly, I'm not trying to be disrespectful. It's just she posts things like this all the time and I'm getting sick of her being a one-trick pony.

The thread titles are pretty descriptive. If you don't like the topic, then you don't have to click on it. Likewise, I refuse to click on any of the "How big is your dick?" threads, or justmeeeeeee's Obama-bashing threads.

 

[Centexfarmer]

That's a lot of stuff isn't it?

So here we go:

Tolerance

1. What does it mean to you? Accepting that we're all different, with different views, opinions, perspectives, goals, agendas, dreams, and ideas, and most of all we're not so far removed from each other because of them.
2. Can it be taught? Yes. In our myopic world, it's necessary to teach tolerance. It's like the old saying goes, 'Never judge another person until you've walked a mile in their shoes.' Tolerance isn't a characteristic that I've found that someone is "born with."

Respect

1. What does it mean to you? Before you can earn anyone's respect, respect must first be offered or given. Tolerance of one another, is one way of showing respect in my opinion.
2. What does it take to earn respect? By first giving it.
3. Can someone who is disrespectful be taught to be respectful? Sometimes. I have always been taught that nice people are nice, and ugly people are ugly. If I'm nice to an ugly person, and that person insists upon remaining ugly toward me, then they only way that I can get their attention is to return the favor. (Which is a violation of the CoC here on JUB, just so that everyone knows that! If you have a problem, then please allow the Mods to be ugly if necessary, by post reporting it.)

Responsibility

1. Do you take responsibility for your actions? Absolutely! I personally have very little patience for anyone who feels the need to "blame" whatever shit is happening in their lives on something or someone else.
2. Do you expect others to take responsibility for theirs? Yep! My shit is my own, and I own it. If I can't find any connection between my shit and someone else's, then it's their shit!
   

Fear

1. Are you ruled by fear? Fear is the mind killer, and beyond survival it has no connection within my life.
2. Do you fear that which you do not understand? Nope. If anything else I want to understand it more.
3. Do you ever try to understand that which you fear? Absolutely. Without understanding it, how could I possibly overcome it?

Misogyny

1. What does it mean to you? Man's fear of woman, and thus a projected, but false superiority over Woman.
2. Do you think it exists? I don't understand the question. To ask for a definition, and then to ask whether it exists or not isn't logical.

Homophobia

1. Will it ever go away? Nope, because "phobia" in itself represents a fear, and I think that it might be human nature to fear the unknown.
2. Who do you find most homophobic? Those who are most deeply in the closet.
3. And why do you think that? Experience.

Let's have an open discussion about these topics. I'll answer my own questions shortly. Talk to me. Educate me, and each other.

As a volunteer Moderator of this website, if no one has anything positive to contribute to the discussion in this thread, then it would be a good idea to find another thread to augment one's time.

 

[dpnice]

..........................I don't care what you think of me. What any of you think. It isn't going to stop me from asking the tough questions...........................

It is sentences like this that astonish me. In all of your threads there is always something that makes me wonder why on earth you are posting on a gay porn site.

Here you seem to be telling us that you have no respect for our follies and you are going to continue rubbing it in until we agree with you. It gives the impression that you consider your interpretation of what JUB should be like much more important than that of hundreds of unthinking homosexuals. Add this to the purse throwing comment and I begin to wonder if you actually do like gay men.

If I am really honest as soon as I saw the thread I thought "Oh no here we go again". Now I can understand others having a much more vehement reaction to it.

 

[dpnice]

Now in my opinion these questions and their answers depend upon whether we are talking about the virtual or the real world. People's attitudes, or that which they express, seem to be totally different on-line. The fact of being anonymous seems to alter even the basic socially accepted opinions into a 'laisser aller' that at times I find shocking.

Tolerance, respect and responsibility, though the building blocks of a balanced society, seem to no longer apply to relationships being conducted via a computer.

Fear seems the odd man out in your list. People don't tend to analyse fear in the way you are demanding. Fear for the majority of people seems to be their reactions to well known phobia. Our reactions to immigrants may well be a result of fears but I doubt that many think in that manner.

Misogyny and homophobia are not conscientiously thought out expressions of opinions and emotions. One doesn't decide to be misogynist one day, it is a trait of character and a result of upbringing and education. Seeing the influences on our present day youth are so varied I see no hope of education change.

 

[gdude30]

*claps*

Wow. Perfect example of how much of an asshole people can be. Stacy simply asks a question and some of it might be personal but she also wants answers. And she gets criticized and is made fun of for it and is insulted that the thread is pointless.

I love to see examples of true human nature. It tells me that what I believe is right. But at least Arctic apologized but the whole drinking and getting drunk thing just shows another thing about humans.

Seriously this whole thing felt like a girl voicing her opinion and gets made fun of and beaten just for voicing her opinions and everyone laughs at how she tries to stand up for herself.

It's sickening and yet at the same time fulfilling. But as I've told myself again and again not everyone is like that. This thread proves that there are some good voices in her who were optimistic and tried to reassure Stacy that she wasn't wrong by posting this thread. And those are the ones who I respect the most.

I only wish I was here for the conversation but it's probably died down by now.

Now I'll respond to the questions.


Tolerance
What does it mean to you?
Can it be taught?

Respect
What does it mean to you?
What does it take to earn respect?
Can someone who is disrespectful be taught to be respectful?

Responsibility:

Probably too much. It gets to a point where I feel as though everything that happened is my fault and I must somewhat pay or redeem myself for what I've done. It can even get a point where others can convince me that everything that happened was my fault and I believe it to be true. But I do take responsibility for my actions. It's somewhat pride.

Damn straight I do. You do something and you blame others for it. Stop being a selfish asshole and realize that what you did was your fault and take responsibility for it. People will forgive you. Maybe it's because some people forgive that they are unforgivable or something.

Fear:

In some ways yes. Alot of what I do is because of fear. And fear stops me from doing things I want to do and traps me in. And because of this fear I hold back so much of what I really am and TRY so hard to bring out Half of me. But fear stops me from bringing out the full me.

Some things yes. Sometimes if I am having fun and I am enjoying myself I am stricken by fear. Out of nowhere I come up with these ideas because of fear and then don't say anything or feel as if I should leave or be alone because of this fear which cannot be explained.

Every night. It's why I get little sleep.

Misogyny

Uhm here is where kev comes in and calls me a freaking retard and then goes "It's not your fault it's the public education systems fault but you're still stupid."

I don't even know what it is. It sounds like monogamy.

Homophobia:

Probably not. It goes back to the fear. There is always a fear that someone will have. And while some of it can be overcome some people are never able to overcome their fear. If fear and hate will always exist then so will homophobia.

Religious people. Because their god tells them all these things about gays and they are led to believe that being gay is immoral or wrong so if their god says it they have to believe it. It's stupid but it's what they believe.

 

[LilBit]

It isn't religion per se that is the problem. It is certain specific religions.
There have been religions that honored and cherished homosexual sex.

I'd go even further and say that it's certain members of certain religions. And with all the bitching about the religious right, nobody on this site seems to be willing to acknowledge the existence of the religious left. Believe it or not, we do exist.

 

[sabot3ur]

and some people on this site have had a constant negative influence from religion, for their entire lives. some bad apples? no no, I'm not hearing marley denounce the effect of said bad apples day after day, while fighting to have the effect of things like racism not understated...

I do understand your annoyance with the generalizations, but I don't get why you seem to never want the destructive religious right talked about.

 

[Inwood]

I am looking to engage people in dialogue that needs to be had. I'm not forcing anyone to answer the questions but I haven't really done anything to warrant having people be disrespectful.

From what I can see, no, you haven't done anything to be disrespected. Then again, I haven't come across anything that could be described as disrespect toward you in any of your recent threads. Perhaps you are being hypersensitive to some poster's attempt at lifting the mood a few notches?

I don't post threads expecting everyone to understand, respond or even like them. And I am not trying to control anything, I am expressing my sadness that a serious topic about things that are happening as we speak (bias thread ring a bell to anyone?) is being taken as a big joke.

That seems to be the nature of JUB at the moment. It frustrates me as well to try to have a serious conversation about something only to have a few well known posters plod in and derail the thread. I call those folks "sea gulls" as they are only good for swooping in, crapping all over the place, then moving on. Fortunately, I've been around long enough to recognize that it is a cycle, and this too shall pass.

Is it frustrating? Hell yes. But there's not much we can do about it.

I don't care what you think of me. What any of you think. It isn't going to stop me from asking the tough questions. These things aren't going to go away just because we aren't talking about them.

That's where you lost me Stacy. You want to talk about respect, tolerance, etc. and yet you're basically saying here "I don't give a fuck what you all think. I'm gonna keep beating you down with this until I am satisfied." From reading a few of the other responses in this thread I see I'm not the only one who gets that from your recent posts. If that is not your intention, then perhaps you might want to reconsider some of your posts/threads.

Having this conversation in person would be vastly different than having it online. On the web you cannot read a person's tone and body language, and the meaning can be interpreted 10 different ways from the poster's intent.

You seem to be on a crusade lately and I think you're alienating more people than garnering their support or sympathy. This is a place where we come to have fun, make friends, get help and be helpful, debate, whine, complain, argue, laugh, cry and a host of other reasons. This is a community with over 100,000 members, and I think we can pretty much say that the vast majority have the same idea when it comes to respect, tolerance and responsibility. Putting those things into practice is entirely another matter.

 

[sabot3ur]

You might wanna do something about that bullshit drippin' outta your mouth. I do NOT talk about racism every day, or even every week. That's the most common, unfounded exaggeration. Because I don't shy away from it, that MUST mean I'm obssessed with it and emerge from my cocoon only to talk about it and nothing else.

wut? I didn't say that at all, what I meant was that you think racism is all too often understated and ignored so people won't have to think about it, right? well, I read your posts ALL the time saying things like the bad apples of religion are the vast minority.. I still see a lot of abuse of power and influence from people in the name of religion, and I really don't think it should be pushed under the rug either. why not talk about it, it's just as real as racism.

and I am not blind, I see all those threads as well. if they're ignorant, they're ignorant and that's that. I'm talking about real things, not mindless cheap shot insults.

 

[sabot3ur]

oh, ok. shit shows really aren't fun all the time, I agree.

I said what I said.

 

[rareboy]

Tolerance means accepting that people are different/smarter/dumber/fatter/uglier/less priveleged, etc.. than you. It can't be taught because intolerance is something you have to change within yourself, like the horse that can be led to water.

Oh yes. Tolerance can be taught.

Absolutely.

To say that it can't removes the onus of responsibility for instutionalized prejudice and intolerance from the church, state, educators, parents and peers.

 

[Fucker29]

Tolerance

1. What does it mean to you? ACCEPTING AND EMBRACING SUBJECTIVITY.
2. Can it be taught? I WOULDN'T SAY IT CAN BE TAUGHT BUT RATHER EXPERIENCED.

Respect

1. What does it mean to you? PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS TOLERANCE.
2. What does it take to earn respect? BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS, BE ASSERTIVE WITHOUT CRUSHING OTHERS, LIVE AN HONEST LIFE.
3. Can someone who is disrespectful be taught to be respectful? AGAIN, NOT REALLY TAUGHT BUT EXPERIENCED.

Responsibility

1. Do you take responsibility for your actions? SOMETIMES YES, SOMETIMES NOT...I'M FLAWED, LIKE ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING.
2. Do you expect others to take responsibility for theirs? YES I DO.

Fear

1. Are you ruled by fear? PARTIALLY.
2. Do you fear that which you do not understand? NOT REALLY, ONLY MAKES ME CURIOUS.
3. Do you ever try to understand that which you fear? ALL THE TIME.

Misogyny

1. What does it mean to you? BEING STUPID, REDUNDANT AND WASTE OF TIME.
2. Do you think it exists? YES.

Homophobia

1. Will it ever go away? NOT 100%, THERE'S NO ABSOLUTES. WITHOUT HOMOPHOBIA THERE ALSO WOULDN'T BE ACCEPTANCE OF HOMOSSEXUALS...IN ORDER FOR ONE THING TO EXIST, THAT THING'S OPPOSITE ALSO HAS TO EXIST.
2. Who do you find most homophobic? And why do you think that? UMM...HOMOPHOBIC PEOPLE. LOL! WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT TOLERANT, THEY THINK IN ABSOLUTES, THEREFORE, DON'T RESPECT NOR ACCEPT THE SUBJECTIVITY THAT EXISTS IN EVERYTHING THAT IS IN THIS WORLD.

 

[willsboy84]

Stacy dear, make a thread about some church or preacher condescending homosexuals and watch how many friends you make, watch how fast the thread makes it to 7 pages and watch your comment page fill up. Some posters here simply have their own agenda, and could give a good lovely fuck about things they can't relate to.

I'm like you though, I don't let a few bad, irritating, judgmental, screaming queens members ruin it. The JoshuaMe's and the RationalLunacy's and the Piggy's make it definitely worth it. We may have to call a draw, this site is a barrell of apples that's only sold by the barrell, we HAVE to take the bad apples with the good ones. It's admirable that you attempt to build a bridge, sometime I ignite the motherfucker. I think a good standard would be this; try reasoning with people. A good person will say "You know what? I wouldn't like these things being said about homosexuals, so I won't say them about anybody else". If the person tells you to fuck off just cuz you asked for consideration, try reasoning with them once or twice, if they still refuse to cave in to their hypocrisy, put 'em on ignore.

I need to stop knee-jerking and start reasoning with people, though in my defense I have sent out several olive branches that I imagine are floating somewhere in space cuz I certainly got no response. Within a few exchanges, it'll become clear whether or not the person you're talking to is tolerant.

Marley, i love you. you know i do, and that's why i feel perfectly comfortable saying that you're probably one of the most judgemental people i've seen on here. i'm not going to bother going back through all of your posts to "prove my point", but i couldn't hold my tongue anymore. sometimes it honestly seems like you don't even realize how you're coming across. one of your recent posts, concerning adultery is a prime example. what is it you said? oh yes, "the married man and his sorry excuse for whorish mistress should both burn in hell"? seriously man. i know you weren't referring to anyone in particular, but that's just one example.
sometimes it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to talk to you because you get an idea in your head, and that's that. you're right, they're wrong...end of story. don't take this as a personal attack, it's not. i just think you really need to go back and take a look at some of the things you've said, and the silly little arguments you let yourself get drawn into because of them.
again, don't take this as a personal attack. i've already told you on a couple of occasions how much i enjoy your posts for the most part....even if i don't always agree with them.

 

[Giovanni]

You are making a mistake I used to make. I used to think people on the internet was rational beings.

But a lot of people on the internet are assholes, plain and simple. You can't let what these lesser beings say get to you.

People come to the internet to say what they can't say in real life. Do you think they'd get away with the stuff they say about women if they said it to a woman in their life? No.

These kind of people are cowards. You are fighting a losing battle trying to gain the respect of assholes on the internet.

I will probably anger people by what I said, but they say the truth hurts.

 

[Giovanni]

^ But in the God Hates Canada thread you said words meant nothing Giovanni so why would 'the truth' hurt?

Don't start with me.