Tonight, tonight

[GatorJTR]

Long time reader, first time poster.

met someone, fell hard for him the first time we hung out together. fast forward a year, in a drunken moment of weakness he told me he wanted me. and despite my unblemished record of heterosexuality, i promised him we could work this thing out, just not yet.

neither of us has backed off what was said and now that time is here to do this thing.

no one on will see it coming from me, but if we can work this thing out like we talked, i have no problem coming out tomorrow.

part of me is ready to do it now. but i think its best to let things play out for awhile first before making any public announcements, etc.

my dad would have disowned me, my mom will take it horribly, my bros will likely also disown me. thats my only fear in it. but, im ready to deal with that if ends up being the cards im dealt. you cant help who you love though, unfortunately its taken me this long to figure that out.

so here goes. tonight may be the night! wouldnt have gotten to this point without being able to read others struggles here and the advice of those whove been there before me.

 

[Thrasher12]

Long time reader, first time poster.

met someone, fell hard for him the first time we hung out together. fast forward a year, in a drunken moment of weakness he told me he wanted me. and despite my unblemished record of heterosexuality, i promised him we could work this thing out, just not yet.

neither of us has backed off what was said and now that time is here to do this thing.

no one on will see it coming from me, but if we can work this thing out like we talked, i have no problem coming out tomorrow.

part of me is ready to do it now. but i think its best to let things play out for awhile first before making any public announcements, etc.

my dad would have disowned me, my mom will take it horribly, my bros will likely also disown me. thats my only fear in it. but, im ready to deal with that if ends up being the cards im dealt. you cant help who you love though, unfortunately its taken me this long to figure that out.

so here goes. tonight may be the night! wouldnt have gotten to this point without being able to read others struggles here and the advice of those whove been there before me.

Well good luck. Let us know how things work out and if you have any questions you know where to find us.

 

[spunk-junky]

As long as you are not dependent on your family for housing or finances, I say do it. If your are, I urge your to wait. If they take it as badly as you say (and they may not), then coming out now just is not practical.

 

[GatorJTR]

yeah, cant believe its really gonna happen. maybe tonight, maybe not. but soon.

but this is difficult still. people wont see it coming as we both do well with the ladies. even though there is no doubt when we are really drunk we always gravitate to each other.

now that weve aired it, its just a matter of us getting away from roommates and friends one night to pull this off.

it all got real when i started giving him the deep eye stare down. he never backs down. so hot. i assume thats how he figured out the feelings were there on this end as well. its the subtle points sometimes.

 

[GatorJTR]

we both have stable jobs and neither of us rely on our families for money at all.

he has a fractured home life, i have very little family myself. he has already said enough to hint that he is worried that we get into this and we will end up being separated by our jobs.

im trying to let him know that those are hurdles we will face together when we have to. right now, we can only control the now.

 

[GatorJTR]

didnt happen. probably wont ever happen. i cant take this back and forth.

he has a friend visiting from out of town. thats who he really wants. im destroyed. nevermind everything else. i suppose we go on like that never happened. wont be easy for me.

 

[GatorJTR]

im so broken over this, i dont know what to do. all this build up and here comes his buddy who is hot as shit and obviously looking for the same thing. i have to slink home while they get it on and i live on in my cage. i dont know what to do. im devastated. i know no one cares, but i have nowhere to put these feelings. at least typing it out puts it somewhere. im so lost right now at this moment

 

[GatorJTR]

can a mod or someone just delete this thread?

 

[Thrasher12]

I know that this sucks, and that it doesn't sound fair, but I'm sure that in time you'll find somebody who isn't a dick.

Now I don't know if your friend/interest was already dating another guy or simply unaware of you in a romantic sense. In either case you should move on, but if he wasn't then he was really pulling a dick move. In which case you really, really need to move on.

 

[Georgiadude]

Welcome to JUB and the wonderful world of gay guys who get lead on and then dumped or kicked aside. I'm sorry this has happened but your not alone. Read the threads. It happens a lot. The thing you need to focus on is that you were honest with yourself and admitted your feelings. That's a huge step in and of itself. You'll find someone. Don't let 1 jackass ruin your life. You can't hide your true feelings forever. Let him know you don't appreciate the way he treated you and he can go pound sand. Your better off without him and can find someone that will truly care for you. He threw away a good friend over a few minutes of lustful desires. Sounds like a true friend.

Don't run & hide. Be proud of who you are and you will find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Steven.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Eish. Sorry for you - started out with so much optimism and promise and I see it kinda crashed and burned as I read through it.

I'm bummed for you, dude.

-d-

 

[GatorJTR]

well an update of sorts. i think i overreacted a lot. his friend who spent the night is just a friend. could certainly see it happening but after hanging out with both of them over the next few days, its clear i was just wrong.

i was at the threshold last week, this week im leveled about it. its as though a wall has to go up when around friends, etc. which is understandable considering where we are both at in this. but when its just us, we talk about an uncertain future and how we can stick together through it. directly we have neither referenced our conversation, but it seems obvious from other context that he remembers that part of the night, and otherwise, why would be talking about this stuff? its as though we seem to communicate on AM radio level even though we are both FM capable at this point. who knows

we have decided to take a road trip to nowhere tomorrow and see where we end up. just the two of us. im not taking any preconceived notions, but hopefully we get this thing somewhere by weekends end.

confusing it all the more, i met a girl last week that i really like. i think that possibility has taken some of the sting out of what has been torturing me otherwise. she is certainly not a consolation prize, but if this weekend turns up nothing, perhaps its a sign. why does this shit have to be so confusing.

thanks again for letting me drop my stream of consciousness somewhere..JR

 

[techie70]

Gator - keep dropping the stream. It"s better than bottling it up. Some advice from experience. If you take the drive and something happens - no one but the two of you will know. The rest of the world will go on oblivious. So first and foremost figure out what it means to you. The rest of the world can eff off until you do right? If the girl is the real deal you will know. And if not guess what - its actually ok to like guys and girls. Hope you've picked that up. Keep talking to us if you need to. Life is confusing. But you've got friends in low places ...

 

[youfiad]

I agree with techie. Nobody will know what you two do this weekend, except us, when you come back and spill all of the details!! Which, you better do, or else I will be mad! It sounds like something is going to happen on a roadtrip. What doesn't happen on a roadtrip?!

 

[GatorJTR]

unfortunately we didnt make it out of town, but we spent the whole weekend together. no breakthrough though. once again we always have people around/crashing on couches/etc when the night ends.

its there though. i think our conversation about it probably put some delay as we both waited each other out in the following week to see how each of us would approach the future knowing what we both said when we broke character that night.

tonight though, i feel as if there is no doubt. its become obvious enough at this point that some of our friends are starting to wonder about us.

i guess when the stars align itll go down, until then the wait continues.

 

[youfiad]

Just make love already!!

 

[GatorJTR]

Just make love already!!

lol, i know right?

still some walls there though unfortunately. he was really hammered when he broke character that night, as was i. still, since then we have had sober conversations about our future years from now. will he move with me when my company moves me or will i quit my job to stick with him? i mean why the fuck would we talk about this if we didnt want to get this somewhere? not to mention "the talk" itself, the drunk flirting that has gotten damn heavy as of late from both of us, etc. he clearly likes this game, but is he ready to take it past this? i know for sure he isnt ready to let anyone know about it even if it does go down soon.

ultimately, i still think we just need to get drunk and alone and soon. we havent accomplished this since "the talk". its on me to make the next move, but if the time isnt right, i fear he will reject the overture and everything will get too weird/awkward and it will all be a lost cause after that. i dont wanna screw this up, but somethings gotta give.

 

[GatorJTR]

screw it. im making my move this weekend. time to man up. we both know the deal, but he is clearly way more worried what others will think, whereas i dont care anymore. that being the case, its on me to get this thing started. i gotta figure out how to tackle this exactly. its time though.

 

[yhtang]

screw it. im making my move this weekend. time to man up. we both know the deal, but he is clearly way more worried what others will think, whereas i dont care anymore. that being the case, its on me to get this thing started. i gotta figure out how to tackle this exactly. its time though.

Good for you, go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Best of luck and keep us updated please.

 

[youfiad]

lol, i know right?

still some walls there though unfortunately. he was really hammered when he broke character that night, as was i. still, since then we have had sober conversations about our future years from now. will he move with me when my company moves me or will i quit my job to stick with him? i mean why the fuck would we talk about this if we didnt want to get this somewhere? not to mention "the talk" itself, the drunk flirting that has gotten damn heavy as of late from both of us, etc. he clearly likes this game, but is he ready to take it past this? i know for sure he isnt ready to let anyone know about it even if it does go down soon.

ultimately, i still think we just need to get drunk and alone and soon. we havent accomplished this since "the talk". its on me to make the next move, but if the time isnt right, i fear he will reject the overture and everything will get too weird/awkward and it will all be a lost cause after that. i dont wanna screw this up, but somethings gotta give.

You don't have to be drunk to tell him you want to take your relationship the next level.. If you know that he is willing, go for it! Sometimes relationships change after your first sexual encounter, so it would probably answer a few of your other questions.