Tonight

[PSCGuy]

Yea, I'll try to let it soak in for a little while for both me and my parents. I really just feel like coming out to them was the wrong thing to do and i made a horrible, stupid, stupid mistake.

Whenever you make a big life decision, it feels awkward whatever it is. At least it does for me, and I'm sure I'm not alone. You feel like it was a mistake, I think, because the ball is no longer in your court; you can't control their reaction.

But if you care about your parents enough to be honest with them, it had to happen eventually. It sounds like your parents were honestly just shocked. Your mom laughing is nothing to worry about. I agree she was probably just breaking the ice; most people don't deal too well with silent tension.

Don't look back with regret, because you did the right thing and you did it for the right reasons. And you can't change it, and shouldn't want to.

 

[Blueboy369]

You are very lucky to have such support from your parents. It could have gone worse! Your mom said she loves you no matter what, that's amazing! i know it's akward but ,in time, they will get over any negative feelings they may have. I think you should continue to speak openly to your parents. They sometimes feel like they did something wrong. Reassure them that they did nothing wrong and thank them for being supportive. Show them how much you love and appreciate them. Don't ever consider ending your life. That would really hurt them. They love you.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

This may be killing you right now, but I promise you, this is the worst it will ever feel. You will only go up from here. I often think about the coming out experience as a drunk reaching rock bottom. Once you get to the point of telling your parents, it's the day you look back and realize how far you come from that day going forward.

I put so much energy into hiding my sexuality, (changing pronouns, wondering if people knew, wondering if my parents knew). Someday you will realize how much energy you are NOW devoting to this and you will refocus that to your true passions in life and you will be very successful at whatever you do.

I find myself telling people I am gay up front (not immediately but if I have any sort of lengthy interaction) because otherwise I catch myself putting energy into whether they know or if I need to change pronouns or talk about my partner as a "friend". I find that once you get that out of the way, I can focus and make things happen for me and my life.

Your a brave soul and congratulations. You will only go up from here.

Jeff

 

[silversmith1213]

Thanks for caring guys. Last night was probably the hardest night of my life, but I am in a better mood today. I'm not ecstatic about how awkward being home has become, but otherwise I'm not any different and life will continue.

 

[operafan]

Congrats and best wishes. You can even change your JUB profile from "no one knows!"

 

[spreadeagle]

I suspect your parents initially raised the issue of dating because they already had concerns (or fears) about your sexuality.

Your father's advice about keeping away from raunchy gay porn sites is intriguing. In order for his comment to have any validity he must have checked out gay porn himself (purely for research purposes. you understand). If you had told him you were straight do you honestly think he would have warned you against visiting raunchy heterosexual porn sites?

The sub-text is that despite their assurances that nothing will change, there is plenty to suggest they are homophobic. They may be prepared to chug along as if everything is hunky dory while you keep a low profile, but watch the shit hit the fan when you bring a boyfriend to a family celebration.

 

[Luka]

YAY. CONGRATS ON COMIN OUT!!!! Its hard at first, but itll get easier. If I was there id give you a big hug, hehe well ayway congrats and hope al goes well.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm not ecstatic about how awkward being home has become, but otherwise I'm not any different and life will continue.

You may not be different but let's hope that your relationship with your parents is different.

You're 21, so you're an adult. Now that you are out, you can have an adult relationship with your parents.

 

[Lucas07]

Wow. You are so brave silversmith!

Congrats and I really admire you for what you did. And I am so glad that it went really well for you. You have great parents

Here's to life!
Cheers

 

[Zeremonie]

Wow good work Silversmith. Somehow your thread almost made me cry (if I'm ever a mom I hope to be a good one). Hug yourself and know that you've done the hardest part of it all (I think!). Listen to all the wise posts posted above this one. Melody

 

[silversmith1213]

Thanks everyone. I'm doing much better. That night was so hard for me. I really do think that coming out just put a hole in the dam holding back all my stress and it just all poured out.

There hasn't been a mentioning of me coming out since, although there has been a few awkward moments. Overall I think it will be OK, I just don't want to ever have to talk about my sex-life with my parents again haha. Toooooo weird.

 

[KaraBulut]

Overall I think it will be OK, I just don't want to ever have to talk about my sex-life with my parents again

It will be okay.

While there was some overlap between your discussion with your parents and your sex life, the discussion was really about your life.

You have the right to be normal.

This means that if your straight friends can say to their parents, "I have a date tonight, don't wait up", you can say that too.

This means that if your straight friends are bringing their boyfriends and girlfriends to meet their parents, you have the right to do so, too.

If you friends are not telling their parents the gory details about what they do with their boyfriends and girlfriends, then you have the right to keep that private too.

The goal of coming out to your parents is to put an end to the secrets, lies and pretending. And it gets rid of that big block in the way that keeps you from having an adult relationship with your parents.