too passive

[Tundra]

Hey guys,
I've been dating this cute guy for few weeks now, and I'm having a hard time interpreting his moves. Probably this maybe due to my lack of experience in dating a guy..Ya he is my first. So, anyway, I'm hoping to hear interpretation of you guys on this.

As part of our dating ritual, we usually meet once a week. And whenever this time comes, I'm always the one to text him and propose a place. He would agree to whichever place I'd like to go. Never once did he text me for the date nor argue me of my pick.

First, I thought he's being nice, but because this has being going on since I started dating him, it started to bug me. So last week, I decided not to initiate and see if he would instead. Like I expected, he didn't, so we didn't meet at all.

So I'm starting to doubt if he is really interested in me. But, then again, he seems to enjoy my accompany. He would pay for dinner and buy me a drink despite his low income. I'm not sure if this matters, but he is a bottom and shy guy. Do you think that might be the reason of his passive behavior?

 

[Seasoned]

Well, it's not because he's a bottom but it may mean he's unsure of himself. Rather than just waiting to see what happens ask for what you want. If you'd like to arrange a date and then want him to do one just ask for that. If it still doesn't happen pm me about plan two. I wouldn't drop him.

Welcome to JUB and the forums. Hope you're basically a happy guy with good people around you.

 

[anchihiro]

Talk to him about it. It's understandable that if you didn't bother getting in touch then you'd never see each other again.

Next time tell him the ball is in his court to arrange something.

 

[HunterM]

Most women like to be pursued. They like men to initiate and plan dates.

Your date sounds like he is shy and would like to be pursued. Here are baby steps to see if he would come out of his shell.

1. Ask him where he would like to go on the next date.
2. Tell him you would still plan the date
3. After that date, then ask him if he could plan the next date for both of you

 

[Rolyo85]

Or you could just be open about being confused and how him not taking any initiative makes you feel. Btw, my best friend is extremely passive and it took me a looooong time to figure out he did in fact love spending time with me, but it just wasn't in his nature to initiate stuff.

Be direct about it. Not aggressive, accusing or in any way negative, but direct. Ask him what the deal is. Sounds to me like the guy does like you, and is just not into taking initiative. And if that's the case, and if you do otherwise like him, it shouldn't bother you to be the one in charge.

 

[swerve]

Ummm...

Since he doesn't have any money...

MAYBE he doesn't feel that it is APPROPRIATE for HIM to ask YOU out...

And then EXPECT you to PAY...

MAYBE???





p.s. DON'T forget where HE is at right now...

 

[Tundra]

Well, it's not because he's a bottom but it may mean he's unsure of himself. Rather than just waiting to see what happens ask for what you want. If you'd like to arrange a date and then want him to do one just ask for that. If it still doesn't happen pm me about plan two. I wouldn't drop him.

Welcome to JUB and the forums. Hope you're basically a happy guy with good people around you.

I don't want to drop him either because he seems quite nice and affable. Thanks for you post Seasoned.

Talk to him about it. It's understandable that if you didn't bother getting in touch then you'd never see each other again.

Next time tell him the ball is in his court to arrange something.

I rather not give him too much pressure and see me as too pushy as a result.

Most women like to be pursued. They like men to initiate and plan dates.

Your date sounds like he is shy and would like to be pursued. Here are baby steps to see if he would come out of his shell.

1. Ask him where he would like to go on the next date.
2. Tell him you would still plan the date
3. After that date, then ask him if he could plan the next date for both of you

I like your approach. This would get him involve gradually instead of forcing him to get involve. Thanks.

Or you could just be open about being confused and how him not taking any initiative makes you feel. Btw, my best friend is extremely passive and it took me a looooong time to figure out he did in fact love spending time with me, but it just wasn't in his nature to initiate stuff.

Be direct about it. Not aggressive, accusing or in any way negative, but direct. Ask him what the deal is. Sounds to me like the guy does like you, and is just not into taking initiative. And if that's the case, and if you do otherwise like him, it shouldn't bother you to be the one in charge.

I was on the verge of being direct about it. Then I had to reconsider it because I don't speak English fluently;there's a risk of miscommunication and I don't want to take the chance(Ya I like that guy a lot).

Ummm...

Since he doesn't have any money...

MAYBE he doesn't feel that it is APPROPRIATE for HIM to ask YOU out...

And then EXPECT you to PAY...

MAYBE???





p.s. DON'T forget where HE is at right now...

It doesn't have to be money-spending date. All I want is time to spend together. That's why, one time, I invited him to come to my place so that I can cook something for him. But, he said, he haven't tried Portuguese food that I was raving about and he wanted to try it.


And thanks all for taking time to reply.

Cheers

 

[MoltenRock III]

If he didn't like you do you really think he'd spend time going out with you? You're over-thinking it! Just relax and enjoy a hot guy on your arm, and in your bed.

 

[Rolyo85]

Why should it be a matter of pride. There is no relationship (romantic or otherwise) where one side isn't more passive than the other. There are people who are just passive to the extreme. That doesn't mean they can't compensate in other ways.