Too polite vs. impoliteness.

[wraithsa]

i always try to err on the side of being polite cause i can be a little errr difficult to deal with cause i am kinda particular about things

 

[tomersh]

MY GOD, you're a violent individual aren't you! touch you and get fingers broken off!
How the hell can anyone have sex with you without the constant fear you'll rip his dick clean off his body!?

well if it's you i'll make an exception ...your dick can touch whatever it wants

 

[Yeehaw]

I have a gay friend who comes off way too polite. He would email me everytime we hang out saying "thanks for hanging out, have a good week hey?" and he would say thanks to anything. He tries to arrange another hangout session all the time, but never ever follows thru, always has to postpone or just cancel on me. So I guess that asshole-ness balances out the politeness lol.

 

[irydion]

I tend to be too polite sometimes, to be rude in other occasions. Happens.

 

[Eternaldarkness]

Eternal, I think you deserve it to yourself to give this guy at least a chance....

Your response is very true but I wouldn't just because I couldn't spend time with someone who's so polite that it makes me uncomfortable.

When you're with someone who's too polite its hard to be your own self, and you'll be uncomfortable trying to be as polite as he is..in respect.

You don't want to be rude.

 

[tomersh]

I see, Eternal.

If that is you in the avatar, may I ask you if you're Asian? My erstwhile Chinese co-worker, a nice lady named Zhongli, once told me,"The Asian male has not been taught gentleness." In the years since, I've noticed that this is true.

If you really are Asian, I can understand why this guy's manners "do not compute". If you cannot feel comfortable around him, it's unfortunate because I think he would treat you with kindness and gentleness, but "that's that"....

i don't think it has anything to do with asian men...i'm not asian and i think what he said it true...something like that would annoy me...and to be honest i'm a polite and gentle person...and if anyone says otherwise i'll beat the shit out of them...

 

[Eternaldarkness]

I see, Eternal.

If that is you in the avatar, may I ask you if you're Asian? My erstwhile Chinese co-worker, a nice lady named Zhongli, once told me,"The Asian male has not been taught gentleness." In the years since, I've noticed that this is true.

If you really are Asian, I can understand why this guy's manners "do not compute". If you cannot feel comfortable around him, it's unfortunate because I think he would treat you with kindness and gentleness, but "that's that"....

LOL, *simply have no time for any argument.*

As with the same as this topic, never trust a book by its covers. I was born and raised in Chicago. Do your figures. Should I even state the fact that I am half French, therefore politeness was indeed something I was required to be taught.

The simple fact that I am stating is that this guy is too polite for me. I have not once said that I do not find politeness a neccessary quality in men. Infact, everyone needs to have a gentleness and kindness towards all others, but when it is the ONLY quality I can sense off them then it becomes wary.

Like I said before, I'm referring to people who are "too" polite, notice the word too.

When someone is too perfect on the outside, showing off no flaws at all, I prefer to be cautious.

On the topic of politeness and common courtesy, I'd like to be as polite as I can be toward you. I think any stereotyping of certain ethnic is a very rude, ignorant, and discourteous thing for a person to do.

Thus, showing off a perfect example of impoliteness vs. polite

 

[fjancsi80]

I have been dating a very polite guy since 3 weeks. He is only 23, six years younger than me. His politeness is totally unusual because the younger generation tends to be more rude here in Central Europe too. But the gentleness of this guy is so refreshing! I enjoy it very much and certainly one of his pros for me - beside his good looks

I don't feel any insincerety behind his good manners. He was simply brought up this way in a good family. He always writes an sms after meeting to express that he enjoyed my company etc. That feels good. Being civilized is basically something that makes life better.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I'm sorry, but I encounter enough polite young people in every sphere of life to expect it and not be shocked or creeped out by it. I was just stirring the pot a bit in the other thread, when I said everyone treats you like shit today. It's not that bad. Having an "edge" has nothing to do with lacking manners. Whether sincere or not I DO EXPECT good manners from everyone, young and old. And most of the time I get it. Now if a person is feigning politeness as a veiled insut, that's another story. That is creepy, and I have no use for it.

 

[kevbo]

It's second nature for me to be polite. For instance, if I'm in a situation where someone has to move to let me through, or I have to move because I'm in the line of traffic, then I say "excuse me." Is that too much?

And I always hold doors open for people who are a few paces behind me. It's not to try and impress them, it's because that's what I'd expect if someone was in front of me.

Something else I notice amongst my counterparts is a lack of respect for elders.

I don't know, like I said, just second nature to me to be polite and say please and thank you when it's warranted.

 

[mojoe54]

I have always been a polite person, and I don't really understand the concept of "too polite". The young man that Eternal Darkness described was not too polite for me--I think he sounded like a nice young man, maybe a little formal for a casual situation, but definitely nice. There are so many rude people out there--to see someone with such good manners is refreshing. If that turns you off, just don't see him anymore. There are plenty of nice people out there who would snap him up in an instant.
I agree with kevbo,too. I see a definite lack of respect from young people to their elders. What is that all about? Don't they realize that they,too, will be old someday?

 

[Fucker29]

I've witness quite a lot lack of respect from elders to the youngins as well.

Not saying young people don't often disrespect older people but the opposite happens quite often as well. Let's not pretend it doesn't.

 

[tomersh]

It's second nature for me to be polite. For instance, if I'm in a situation where someone has to move to let me through, or I have to move because I'm in the line of traffic, then I say "excuse me." Is that too much?

And I always hold doors open for people who are a few paces behind me. It's not to try and impress them, it's because that's what I'd expect if someone was in front of me.

Something else I notice amongst my counterparts is a lack of respect for elders.

I don't know, like I said, just second nature to me to be polite and say please and thank you when it's warranted.

i agree with ...i'm the same thing...but when someone say excuse me about everything ...even things you don't think are necessary....or asks permission to do things that there is no reason to ask permission for...doesn't that seem too much for you?...doesn't it get annoying?

 

[Level27]

...edited out...

 

[Level27]

What I meant as too polite is an example of this..

You meet him in a public place and the first thing he does is ask permission to shake your hands, as if he can offer you a drink, introduce his FULL name, request to know your full name, and paid for the drinks. (not so bad)
(indeed. I don't even know why you felt like you need to bring this up, especially if you don't think it's so bad)

Every single sentence, he'll call your name then speaks...

"Sean, Let me tell you...."

"Sean, my favorite things are..."

"Sean, would you like to..." (What does stating someone's name consistently at the beginning of every sentence has to do with manners?)

instead of "Do you wanna beer?" it is "Sean, would you care for a beer or perhaps some other beverages to quench your thirst?"
(I wouldn't mind someone who talks like that)

He says please and thank you way too much. He says "excuse me" for almost everything or everytime he stands up, reaches over to grab something, or even during a conversation when he had to clear his throat. (Well how much is too much?)

When going to dinner, he waits until you sit first before he sit, then wait patiently until you start to eat first, before he even picks up his fork. The waiter comes and he starts up a friendly conversation..as if he'd seen the guy before in his life! As soon as he sits down for dinner, he turned off his cellphone.

He open car doors, he closes car doors, he holds doors and elevators for EVERYBODY. He'll be so nice and polite to strangers he sees anywhere. In the elevator of a not so familiar place, he greets everyone and ask "how are you today?" Some of them give him the "Do I know you" look.

He ask permission before he do anything, common things like use his cellphone. (So?)

When you're about to say goodbye, he ask permission if he can call you next time for a date saying "I will not not bother you if you do not give me permission."

--

If a person who has these qualities, they're considered a saint..honestly.
If you put all these qualities together in one person..all in the same day, it starts to freak you out wondering how can someone be so "perfect?"

I met someone exactly like describe and..honestly? For someone who's only 24 years old, that freaks me out.

I would honestly like to give the deepest apologies in advanced if I cause you any annoyed or upset feelings for asking, (I hope you get the sarcasm)

but is my nose picking up on the slightest scent of jealousy?

Then again, you don't need to answer. 'Cause if it is, you're probably not going to admit it anyways.

 

[tomersh]

Not to me, tomersh. It all has a bearing on the upbringing a man has had.

I would have been very impressed with Eternal's companion, especially after watching his interactions with the waiters, but I grew up in rural, middle-class South where manners were everything; it was Stepford, Connecticut, really.

I can understand why this seems strange to Eternal, though--he grew up in tough Chicago. Perspective makes all the difference in the world.

sorry but i was brought up the same way,and some of the examples that Eternaldarkness gave i might find a little weird or too much...that doesn't make me less polite ...

 

[youngnihilist]

I'm from LA and super polite in casual conversations and encounters. What the fuck is wrong with being polite? most could use it. I find most are polite to me back. except certain women, women are less polite usually. Please and thank you isn't creepy.

 

[Level27]

So really, here's the bottom line, you guys: it all really depends on the personal upbringing of the individual. Those who grew up with hearing less "thanks" and "please" and "excuse me" than those who heard a lot of it when they were young will tend to think of certain 'polite people' as being 'too polite'. Those who grew it hearing more "thanks" and "please" and "excuse me" than those who barely heard it when they were young will tend to think of 'polite people' as normal everyday people and think of 'politeness' as a social necessity.

To simplify my point, there is no 'too weird' or 'not polite enough'; it's non-existent. It's all a perception of our own minds.

We can sit around to argue who's perception is correct, but I think that would be a total waste of time. Some of us might be more easily swayed, but we'll each hold our original perception of manners in the end.

If you were 'caused to question your perception of manners, blame it on your upbringing.

 

[Fucker29]

So really, here's the bottom line, you guys: it all really depends on the personal upbringing of the individual. Those who grew up with hearing less "thanks" and "please" and "excuse me" than those who heard a lot of it when they were young will tend to think of certain 'polite people' as being 'too polite'. Those who grew it hearing more "thanks" and "please" and "excuse me" than those who barely heard it when they were young will tend to think of 'polite people' as normal everyday people and think of 'politeness' as a social necessity.

To simplify my point, there is no 'too weird' or 'not polite enough'; it's non-existent. It's all a perception of our own minds.

We can sit around to argue who's perception is correct, but I think that would be a total waste of time. Some of us might be more easily swayed, but we'll each hold our original perception of manners in the end. If you were 'caused to question your perception of manners, blame it on your upbringing.

Then there IS "too weird" and "not polite enough". The thing is...people will never agree on what exactly is "too weird" or "not polite enough" because that changes from person to person. But, on an individual level, there IS "too weird" and "not polite enough".

 

[Level27]

Then there IS "too weird" and "not polite enough". The thing is...people will never agree on what exactly is "too weird" or "not polite enough" because that changes from person to person. But, on an individual level, there IS "too weird" and "not polite enough".

Basically, you say potato. I say potahto.