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Topping Nerves

G

Gym_lad_uk

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Hi guys

I am 26 and just started my first gay reationship. The sex is great and my boyfriend is really hot. However when I try to top I lose my erection. I know this is probably just nerves but its becoming a viscious circle. My guy is extremely patient and understanding but I really want to penetrate him. I have no erection troubles during other sex acts - both solo and with my man. Please help.
 
Umm...that I have to peform well, and be as good as his ex as he's more experienced than me. I then look at his exposed hole and tell myself "this is so fucking hot - all your fantasies are right before u...get.hard.u.idiot"!!

Which I know doesnt help. I am still v self-conscious during sex and only just starting to get lost in the moment although I still have flashes of "OMG I'm actually doing it".
 
A few more questions to clarify-

Is the issue that you have trouble getting an erection before topping? Or do you lose your erection while you're fucking your boyfriend?

What positions have you tried and is it always the same issue regardless of the position from which you top him?
 
I tend to lose it after i put on the condom and go to put it inhim. I am pretty sure its psychological but how the hell do i get over it? I'm so ashamed of this! I'm fit and in good shape (hence the screen name).
 
^^what he said, but also consider trying different material condoms in case you're reacting to the latex... failing that, try one of those battery vibrating cock rings after you put on the condom; it might distract your brain from it's usual worries long enough to get over the hurdle. Whatever, with a bit of patience, sooner of later you'll get there.
 
It's really probably just a matter of comfort. You currently have a lot of worries going through your head when you're trying it, and of course being worried makes you lose your erection. I'd suggest not masturbating or having sex for 4-5 days, and then try it. You'll probably be incredibly horny and not be thinking about much else. I bet once you have a success, you'll be fine from that time on.

It always takes time with a new partner to feel really comfortable. Above everything, you just need to stop worrying. Your boyfriend doesn't care about your performance right now, he just wants to have this experience with you. So just relax and enjoy yourself, don't put too much pressure on yourself. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't. With this attitude, one day it's gonna happen.
 
Txgoodoldboy said:
Have you tried it, with him on top, sitting on it? Let him put the condom on you.
Click to expand...

Based upon your answers, that would be my suggestion also.

It's not uncommon for guys to lose their erection when they're in the kneeling or standing position. The blood tends to follow gravity and the penis goes soft. Sometimes laying flat and having your partner sit on it helps. This is often the same position that guys are accustomed to jacking off, so it feels more natural when you're with another person.

One other problem that sometimes happens- backward pressure on the penis sometimes makes guys lose their erection. So if your partner is a bit tight, the resistance can cause you to lose your erection. Take a little extra time to prep your partner with lube and a couple of fingers, it will be easier to slide in and get things going. The "sit on it" position usually helps with this, too- so it's a good position for both issues.
 
You're thinking too much, rather than doing. (I don't mean fantacizing, I mean dissecting the experience rather than just going with the flow.) Sex doesn't really require much thought. It's like eating or breathing.
 
I've had this problem. It doesn't happen much anymore, but I'm not sure if there's really anything specifically I did different. I guess just getting used it it more. sorry im not much help on it.
 
It's a psychological thing imo. The nerves are controlled by the brain so you are not losing erection because of your nerves alone.

Just don't focus so much on the act itself but on the pleasure it brings, try to picture your boyfriend and the pleasure he'd feel when you are inside him... look at his hot body craving that dick up his ass... lean towards him and kiss him while you are getting in and out...

Good luck (*8*)
 
Who is in control of the sex?

Often it's asumed that the top has to be the one in control, hence why maybe you feel that the act of actual sex relies on you.

Ask him if he can take control. People think bottoms don't really have much control, but they actually have all the control. Lay on your back and ask him to go to work. Don't pay attention to anything other then the pleasure your partner is getting from you and work from there.
 
You're getting nervous and, hence, turned off in the time it takes to put on the condom. You need to relax, and maybe try and keep the foreplay going while you (or he) is putting on the condom. Keep kissing, focus less on the nerves of performance. This used to happen to me all the time. I would be hard, then fumble around with a condom and get nervous and go soft, and then feel even worse about being soft. Just learn how to put a condom on quickly and rim him or suck him while you do it - and eventually you'll get over the nerves. :)
 
This is an excellent thread by the way. A lot more men have this trouble hetero and homo than we think. The guy I am with right now has this problem. He has a lot of trouble staying hard and I really believe its a psychological issue. I have the same problem but just with reaching orgasm. Anyways, I was wondering what kind of advice can you give someone on the other end of this problem? How and what can I do to help him relax and become a more sexually comfortable person with me?
 
Relax. Get into it slowly.

Try laying next to him, lubing your cock, and rubbing it between his ass cheeks, while kissing him and reaching around and rubbing his body or fondling his tits or cock or balls.

Keep doing this until you are nice & hard.

Then slowly move your cock down further and further.

You may not get there in one session; you may have to work at it a few times.

Good luck and have fun! :-)
 
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