Torn Between Staying in NYC or Moving Back to Chicago?

[erobert]

After living in NYC for almost 5 years I'm on the fence of moving back to my native Chicago for a few reasons especially since last year one of the hardest years living here. I've always wanted to live in NYC since I was young and establishing myself here was a big life goal but my current living and job situation has me thinking of moving back home for these reasons:

-My manager just quit and the future stability of my department/ position is questionable. it will take a few months if I'm laid off to find a similar paying position or preferably higher pay....
-Renting a room from a nutty cat lady who just got another cat and it's living in the bathroom to "get used to the apartment"- very bizarre and awkward situation. There's more than that...
-Not a fan of my area since it's loud to the point of needing headphones (traffic, rowdy bar/ clubs patrons) to sleep and isn't the safest most gay friendly part of Manhattan either. Can't afford to move even since saving for a security deposit would require months of saving up. There's also the cost of moving.
-Unable to find a real job that pays more than $30k since NYC is hyper competitive for jobs that pay livable salaries
-For some reason I can't build up a lasting group of friends since everyone is so "busy" all the time or worse seems to be flakey. Having a social group is a good way to network for jobs, find great apartments and people to date so this is a also a big hindrance . But I'm embarrassed by my current situation since most of my peers seem to have everything going right for them and who'd want to be friends with someone in my situation anyway?

Just a few of these would send most people back home but on top of all this I'm still reeling from a break up with my ex which happened a year ago... Writing it all out the obvious choice seems to move back home but a part of me isn't sure that's a good decision since I'd be moving back home with no job... but living in a much better environment rent free. But a part of me would feel like I gave up too soon. Though I can always move back once I'm more financially stable.

On the other hand looking at the list makes me see just how much I can put up with and how resilient I am. But you can only take so much of a bad situation. By now you'd think I'd have an actual job/ building a career, group of friends, my own place...

Also, I'm not sure about the gay "scene" in Chicago but from what I could tell from growing up there and recent visits is it's somewhat limited. The thing I like about NYC's gay community is it's very diverse and tons of guys are out. Chicago is a nice city but IMO prescribes to Midwestern traditionalism/ conservative mindset. There seemed to be a lot of closeted guys (that not to say there aren't closeted men in NYC of course) from what I remember.

Part of me says to find another job/ build up a "moving out" fund to get out of cat lady's place , move out of Manhattan to a more affordable and nicer part of the city/ metro area and finally build up a base of friends and use moving back temporarily as an emergency plan only if needed.

The other part wants to move back since there are a lot of uncertainties and "if/ then" scenarios over the next few months which will determine if my situation gets better or not. It could get worse even and I'd have no other choice but to move back home.

What would you do?

 

[miaedu]

have you considered the west coat, all of it?

 

[bankside]

If you have a job today, keep working today. Send resumes to places in Chicago.

Employers will love "Working in NY. Looking to relocate ASAP" waaaaaay more than "Unemployed in Chicago. Please give me a job."

 

[erobert]

have you considered the west coat, all of it?

The west coast is a good alternative to the fast paced lifestyle here and I do like San Francisco, California's version of NYC but rent is even more expensive than here.... or so I've heard. Plus, isn't the state economy not that great? I'd prefer to stay on the East coast in the NY metro area but right now that's seeming less and less financially feasible. My ex was making $50,000, said it was too expensive even living in Queens and moved back to Southern California (main reason we broke up) I'm not in the position to be picky about where I live right now since I make 1/2 that.

bankside, that is a good point. Out of state employers who see you've worked in the corporate world in NYC often hold you in higher regard since it's a prestigious location. A lot of people are still having such a tough time of finding a job that any edge is an advantage.

 

[dpnice]

It seems that your decision to move back home are based on two problems; your accommodation and job situation.

If both were solved would the idea of returning home still be something you would consider.

How about looking into sharing accommodation with other people; you get it cheaper and a possible social life thrown in with it.

The job situation is up to you to work on and I realise that it may well be difficult; have you started trying out for new jobs?

 

[Orlandude]

It really sounds like you’re in a rut. Happens to all of us from time to time. We get the itch to undo everything and start over. and the grass is always greener on the other side...till you get there and rediscover all the reasons you left in the first place. There will always be external influences affecting our lives. Job situations (especially these days) are in a constant state of change. Even those around you, who appear to have it all together, have issues. They just keep those issues on the back burner. Are you burnt out on NewYork or burnt out on the life you created while living there? Home really is where the heart is and if NewYork doesn’t do it for you, then leave. But know that going back to Chicago may not be the answer either. In my own experiences, every time I’ve gone back to a place I used to live, it is never the same. The people I knew moved on and I’m not the same person I was when I once lived there. Maybe you need a complete change. Look at it this way....if another employer suddenly offered you twice your salary and you were able to get a better apartment, would you really be happier in New York? If it were me, I would begin to quietly seek other employment in New York...and elsewhere...and see what happens. Also do some soul-searching about what you really want your life to be...and where.

 

[nycguydowntown]

There are a lot of gay friendly --affordable places north of the city if you are willing to commute. Most are city people relocated who are super friendly compared to the busy, hectic city lifestyle. I have better friends in my country home than in the city. Having said that---you are not alone ---this city is amazing and so full of energy---and fun to be in on so many levels but it's become a place where all your money is always being poured into rent. I read one article that said 100K a year is a base pay for anyone wanting to live okay and maybe save a little money in NYC. Hope you figure it out, lot's of people like you trying to figure it out.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

I'll say this simply. This isn't the 90s. Sex and the City was a long time ago. You don't have to live in Manhattan to experience NY.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

I agree with what Backside said, btw. Be the employed New Yorker looking to move instead of the jobless Chicagoan.

But seriously, I've seen way too many friends get hobbled up by Manhattan before trying anything else. There's a stronger sense of community in many Brooklyn and Queens neighborhoods. It's much easier to make friends there too.

 

[lambdaboy]

Do not move while you have a job just look for new ones in New York, Chicago etc. Never leave a job because it might go away!

 

[Kabluey]

Definitely agree about not leaving a job without a new one - employers are dismissive of people who actually need work.

Also don't list your references in your resume if you need to keep your current job. Some employers get offended if they find out (via an often unnecessary reference check by a recruiter) that you're looking for something else.