Totally Teased by the Straight Guy!

[wanderer]

thought i would give an update as to how my friend and i are doing. i think our problems started when we had an issue of no communication for a while. he moved to college and so did i, and being hundreds of miles away made communication important. so we have fixed this problem. i was down visiting my home city this weekend, and i pretty much spent the entire time with him and his girlfriend. it was awsome. im not really looking for more than what i get, because im not interested in ruining his relationship, just a very close guy-guy bond. and that is what i have got. i am extremely happy, and im very close with his girlfriend too. i really dont want more than what i have now, so i am totally happy. but i will go into how the weekend went for those that may be interested.

because i hurt my back the previous week, i cannot sleep on a couch, and i told him that. he had other family in town, so he invited me to sleep with him in his bed. i said sure. his girl was over, and she was planning on staying the night, so we all slept closely in the same bed together. the next morning he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the neck right in front of his girl, and we all spent the day very close having great conversations, and some quite personal conversations with each other.

nobody was home at my parents house, so i invited him and his girl over for hot tubbing. we had also planned on bringing other friends as well. and then i said to him, that since i moved out, i dont have any spare swimsuits (since he borrows mine sometimes) and that if he didnt bring one he would have to go naked (thought the joke would get the point across to bring the swimsuit).

well, after he gets over, and we visit, we find that all the other friends cant make it, and it is just us, and as we are getting ready to go in, he says "so we are going without swimsuits then right?" and i was a little surprised at first, but i said OK, and asked his girl if she was fine, and she was. so there we were, all naked together in the hot tub, sharing chardonay. i turned off all the house lights and the pool lights, but with the full moon, there was still adequate light to see everything. it took about ten minutes for us to no longer be shy, and after that we were standing up, and cooling off from the hot water, and watching eachothers nipples and skin tighten from the cool air under the moonlight (among other things...LOL). it was great, here we were, very close friends, together, so close we can all be naked and enjoy it together, and share intimate conversations and information about ourselves we would never share with others. and i found i had more in common with my friend that i already had. it was quite the memorable experience, and it brought us all even closer together. it could not have been any more perfect.

 

[PhoenixRandall]

Thanks for the update...I've wondered how that situation played itself out.

Having said that, I see another red flag though - why was he not only comfortable but encouraging his girlfriend to be naked in front of you? I've been in that situation twice with 2 different couples...and both of them were easing me into a 3 way knowing full way that if they just asked me for it, I would have shot it down immediately.

Most guys would be protective of their girlfriends' dignity / privacy, whatever, no matter how close the friendship. Why was he so fast to get her naked in a hot tub with you. Why couldn't he jsut go naked himself. Worst case, the two of you although even that says something. Her too?

One of these days I think you should just buck up and tell him that you're bi. If the friendship is as close as you think it is, he'll be ok with it. THings might change...for better or worse, but at least you'll finally be on the same page and not wondering what the hell is going on around you. THAT'S communication. Good luck!

 

[BluesDog]

sounds like you have had a great time, but the business with getting you and the girlfriend more enmeshed and intimate kinda creeps me out... it seems very manipulative

 

[wanderer]

sounds like you have had a great time, but the business with getting you and the girlfriend more enmeshed and intimate kinda creeps me out... it seems very manipulative

can you explain your thoughts in more detail? go into the manipulation as you see it and perhaps explain where you think it is going.

 

[wanderer]

i should also mention this. after we cam back from a saturday morning event, i was hanging with his girlfriend, which is also my close friend, hanging out in his room. then he walks in, and approaches me to give me a hug. we are close, so i hug, and then he gives me a kiss on the neck. i was shocked, it was a nice welcome surprise. i had considered doing the same thing to him before, but never did, and now he is doing it to me? right in front of her, but she loves me too (in a close friend way). i dont think it was anything more than an expression of fondness for me, but that is what i would have wanted to do to him anyway. as explained, i dont want to disrupt their relationship, because i love them both together, and it wouldnt be same to me if they ever broke up.

 

[PhoenixRandall]

it still smells manipulative to me.

I have a couple straight male friends that have kissed me on the cheek, and the situation was a very time / place appropriate one...strong emotional time where a hug and a friendly kiss were in order. It would never have happend otherwise.

Friendly kissing just isn't the norm in male - to - male relationships (straight) . There are execptions of course, but it just isn't the norm.

 

[najfus]

Friendly kissing just isn't the norm in male - to - male relationships (straight) . There are execptions of course, but it just isn't the norm.

One of my close straight male friends kisses me on the lips casually when we see each other. I agree it isn't the norm, however I don't think it is anything that seems to be unusual especially within the scope of this situation.

But as you stated- there are exceptions.

 

[ferri]

Virtually all of my close straight friends kiss me on the lips, sometimes very well, too. Fewer of my close gay friends do, perhaps because I don't have as many close gay friends. All know I'm bi.

Re this issue at hand: I joke with my gay friends, "I don't mind straight guys as long as they put out."

 

[ziyingoliver]

any updates?

 

[Telstra]

umm, if you tell him you are looking for a girl or a guy , it would be much easier and no need to mind read.

 

[Paladin]

Mmm.

First of all I don't think there is necessarily anything manipulative or weird about the nudity. I have been in settings where people went nude in mixed company and although it wasn't something I had experienced before I just went with the flow and joined in too.

Secondly I do think there is something between you and him. With all the time he spent with you plus the deliberate physical contact (wrestling, suntan lotion, moisturizer, kiss) - that's not something all straight male friends would do, not by a long shot.

I think you may have missed an opportunity there, and possibly (as suggested by the poster above) the easiest solution would have been to tell half of the truth - i.e., don't tell him (to begin with anyway) that you are wildly turned on by him but do tell him you are into men...

 

[hotlatinchulo348]

Oh man! The guy AND girl in the hot tube? With you? All NaKeD?! Interesting. I am seriously at a loss for what is going on. All I can say is that would be an amazing relationship to have with two of your friends.

 

[DonMartino]

now i read all posts and im also curious to know how the story has been goin on

but i would say same as some earlier posters also say, why not telling him that u are bi? its a great friendship, i dont think anything would change. and even if there was a change, wouldnt u feel kinda more comfortable than always wondering what is going on?

and who knows, maybe he was really trying to give you some hints;-)

 

[wanderer]

ok, time for an update...

My two good friends both had a falling out, but then for some reason i was the first one they called to talk about each other, and then through my very personal talks with them, and helping them find each other and their deepest feelings that they didnt share, they got back together, and in a stronger relationship.

we have planned a road trip that is happening in about 2 weeks from now, it was originally the 3 of us, but then he invited another guy, but then the girl was upstet because she just wanted the 3 of us, and i was too of course, cause it if was more than the 3 of us, that meant no "games" in the hotel room. my friend wised up and told the guy he invited it wasnt a good idea to come, so it is just the 3 of us again.

so anyway, we are going to Las Vegas first, then to Ski in Utah, and it should be a really fun trip. im very much looking forward to something. for starters, im pissed at myself for choosing the twin beds rather than the single king size bed in the hotel room, (im thinking of a way to have it switched back though...LOL), and then for sure the three of us are all sleeping together for the next 4 days in the lodge in the same bed. in a week or so, when i get home from school, im going to drop the hint to his girl to put my name on her "list of conentders" for a threesome if she is ever interested. i have a really good non-akward way of doing it. the three of us got pretty close recently with the breakup and make up, and she is a pretty sexual fox, so i think it could work out. for sure, we have already planned a drinking game with the possiblity of nudity, and i asked her and him what the limits are, and he told me he is comfortable with just about whatever she wants, and i told her to choose between a rated R game and a rated X game, and she said rated X is fine, and i told her to keep some of the little surprises in the side deck of cards to herself. so it should be really fun. i see us all having a really good time, and i cant wait to get to hang out with my best friend very soon. i will be adding more updates as this developes.

i have had even more time to digest and understand the relationship we all have here, and i still cant figure out how i became his "favorite" so qickly, and he is quite comfortable being naked around me, and like i said in the first post, gets agrivated if i dont get completely naked with him. so what does that say? and i still think back to that awsome time i had putting that suntan lotion on him, and him wrestling me...oh man, and i about died when he told me to crawl up between his legs and put my chest on his, we were face to face, and my hands clutching his hands as i tried to first get into position, and then maneuver his arms in certain ways. the whole time, breathing hard and looking at each other face to face, i will never forget that one....who would? and who would think that happens between a straight guy and (mascarading straight guy)??? i just dont understand. but i do know one thing is for sure, I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

 

[wanderer]

recently the 3 of us, him, me and his girl were on vacation, and beds were limited in the condo, so the 3 of us slept in the same bed. it was a tight fit, and very cold outside, so we were all under the covers. then about 30 min into the night, when his girlfriend was fast asleep, he was trying to adjust (he was betwen me and his girl) himself because he either didnt have enough room, or was just uncomfortable, and moved closer to me. i was on my side. i felt things rustle around, but i didnt want to say anything. i was feeling uncomfortable too, so i had to sort of stretch out. i reached up near my face to put my hand under my pillow to relax my arm, and all of a sudden i feel his hand under there. i was startled at first, but then i noticed he didnt move it away, so i just took a soft hold of it, and gave it a pat with my fingers in a sort of "hi there, nice to meet you" kind of way. then he wiggles right into me and is spooning me, making full contact with me from neck, to thigh. the warmth was unbelievable, and i could feel his warm breath graze past my ear. i couldnt fucking believe that was happening. then he threw his arm around me, and i just layed there shocked not knowing what to do. i wanted to grab it and pull it into me, and let him know i was quit comfortable with it, but i was also afraid that it was more of a joke. he gigled slightly, and removed his arm, but still stayed there for another 10 min or so sharing his warmth with me. it was awsome. i wonder if he was testing the waters with me, and felt uncomfortable with the arm thing when i didnt proceed to help his advances, but then i have no fucking idea what he was doing. it was great, but i was just so puzzled. then he turned over, and went to spoon with his girl.

that was december. just recently i told him that that evening i was feeling pretty down, and having him spoon me like that made me feel alot better, i felt "comforted" that my friend was there to "be there for me" and be close, and his response was "you should not keep those feelings to yourself". now figure that one out???

 

[giorgiobaby]

sounds like lots of tension....I think he's comfortable with you physically and doesn't mind showing you affection. It's really nice being that way with someone. Not knowing either of you, I can't give you any advice in your situation. Most of my male friends are straight (they know I'm gay) and are comfortable around me physically,they don't have any problems being affectionate with me, I don't make the mistake in thinking it's more. That's a good way to ruin a friendship. I hope whatever you decide to do in your situation works out for you and your friend. You two sound very close, you have to decide what boundaries you need to keep and what not to keep. You don't want to mess up a friendship because of an attraction you have sexually. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Hi Wanderer,

I think you can come out with him. He will accept you but he need time to adjust if you tell him that you love him. This is my experience with my straight friend.

Finally, he is nice enough not to reject someone who loves him so bad. You tell him that he is also has some responsibilities that he reactivate your sexuality too.

When I am in love with my straight friend, many people told me to give up. I didn't. Its hard for me but there is some room for this kind of affection exist. Of course, don't expect the sex thing happen like the gay thing. But it may happen in some degree that both can accept.

If I can write in English really well, I can conduct a story that why the straights should not reject their gay friends and the gays should not cross some line of sexuality to form a special relation. If this kind of affection can be expressed and appreciated, society will look ant gay/straight relation as a norm.

I went through the same situation and I opened conversation with my straight friend. I know that I can not have him like girls but I am so happy that he knows this. Good luck to you. But be expecting that you will be crushed with him for awhile while he is totally comfortable with the idea you also yearn for sexual affection with him.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Let me tell you one more thing. My straight friend is much more homophobic that your before. After I revealed that I am gay with him, he was kind of scared when I even tried to huge him. I could feel it. But now, he is OK with that. I kissed him on the cheek when saying good bye. I feel that he wanted to return the kiss too but I said save it for sometime in the future.

You are lucky with the friendship with him. After that you will not feel so hopeless and miserable but can save the relationship. After that, you will feel sexuality is a very minor part (Yeah, sometimes it is so big and you can crave for this too lol). Good luck!!!

Always accept the fact in this kind of relationship the affection is not mutual and you will be fine.

 

[MisterMajestic]

Wanderer,

If you are as Cute as you say you are and if you are as Cute & Sexy as your friends tend to think you are, then WHY are you still single and CLINGING to another Happy-Couple?

You're 27yrs old and your closest Bud has a woman and it's been Months and you're still waiting for him to throw you a bone here and there?

At this point..I'm not concerned about your Buddy and his girlfriend...I'm concerned about your mental-state...You have an Intense-attraction to a Man that has not taken your attraction to him seriously since day one..

These trips that the 3 of you take together...Are you paying for them? Do you pay for the dinners and the drinks?

There's something that you supply in the triangle that allows your presense to be a 'comfort' factor for your Buddy and his girl. Either you're the 3rd wheel dishing out your own cash to them or you're with them for other reasons that you have yet to disclose.

It is so OBVIOUS you are in love with the guy and it is so OBVIOUS he's in Love with his girlfriend. Your Buddy could spend the rest of his LIFE hanging with you and kissing you on the neck in front of the woman he makes Love to every night.

The question is are you strong enough to start dating people outside your circle of friends and find the person that is meant for you? Are you able to make yourself your #1 Priority and focus on building your own relationship(s) and not depend on another couple to define you?

You are NOT a 3rd wheel. You are NOT any couples 3rd Wheel. But you've played that part for MONTHS...It's time to STOP...But I wonder if you have the mind-set to realize what you've done to yourself..

 

[vegetaishott2003]

The way the things are going it sounds like the guy and the girl want a 3-some....

i reached up near my face to put my hand under my pillow to relax my arm, and all of a sudden i feel his hand under there. i was startled at first, but then i noticed he didnt move it away, so i just took a soft hold of it, and gave it a pat with my fingers in a sort of "hi there, nice to meet you" kind of way. then he wiggles right into me and is spooning me, making full contact with me from neck, to thigh. the warmth was unbelievable, and i could feel his warm breath graze past my ear. i couldnt fucking believe that was happening. then he threw his arm around me, and i just layed there shocked not knowing what to do. i wanted to grab it and pull it into me, and let him know i was quit comfortable with it, but i was also afraid that it was more of a joke. he gigled slightly, and removed his arm, but still stayed there for another 10 min or so sharing his warmth with me. it was awsome.

This reminds me of a NIP/TUCK scene! Look-ey here! Please disregard the opening sequence, which is 5 seconds! I love the moans Liz does...Sorry......just wanted to share that!



If he is a true friend, he'll accept you no matter what....but in the mean time just say that you have been curious with kissing a dude but wouldn't go as far as that....then he might just end up one night, with you (alone), and it might just excalade to the point that he's had these desires a long time ago...it's that or either he's a typical Str8 guy...but he seems like a good guy; the way you've described him. But, again; in the mean time, you can remind yourself of the how good he looks naked....