transgendered people

[XLeatherX]

what are your thoughts as gay men about transgendered people?
Ever have sex with one? Would you date/have a relationship with someone trans or have sex with them?

do you think that they're mentally ill? I don't mean this as a flame but I've met lots of gay men who think this.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

I have no problem with them, but I would not have sex with them. I know they would make good friends because I went to a gay prom in 2006 and it seemed everyone had a lot of fun being around them.

 

[Smitho]

I have no problem with them at all and have several friends who are transgender. Do I want to date or have sex with them, no as I am gay and not attacted to them, but that does not make them bad people, I don't want to have sex with women either.

As a group they have a hard time of it in society, much harder than being gay, and those that live there life openly deserve our respect and support. There is a great deal of ignorance about being gay, but there is alot more ignorance about this.

 

[woaini]

I don't go that far~~

 

[elle]

.........

 

[tx_doc]

I am a gay man and not sexually attracted to the female form. A transgendered female wouldn't be attracted to me because they would identify as straight - unless they were attracted to women then they would be lesbian.

 

[Hard Luck]

I have some transgendered friends, and they are good people. I certainly wouldn't want to date a trannie ... but that's in the abstract, and not allowing for the personal attraction that might occur between me and another real person. (Still, the odds are slim to none).


I don't think transgender issues are properly lumped in with gay issues (as in LGBT). Linking them perpetuates a false perception that I object to.

Futhermore, on a personal level ... it kinda bugs me that the transgendered people I know live a lie to all but their closest friends - -and that the trannies get a pass for staying in their particular closet while gay men and women get nothing but grief for the same public deception.

Frankly, the trannies I know who've gone male to female aren't fooling anyone ... but I know one person who's moved in the other direction, and can ... and does ... pass as a man. To work, to friends, to the family of the girl she/he married ... it's a serious deception that I somehow feel is not quite right. But also not my place to judge (even though that's exactly what I'm doing).

 

[crakker_jakk]

not my place to judge...

and based on your vast ignorance of the subject, you definitely shouldn't..

 

[Hard Luck]

I know nothing about the subject. I said I know a handful of transgendered people, and my opinions are based solely on that.



But here we are .... if anyone has anything to say or any knowledge to share on "the subject" ... this seems to be the place.

 

[Claudio63]

I don't find them sexually attractive so I've never had sex with one (and I suppose I never will).

Are the transgendered mentally ill? I don't think so. I imagine some of them do have their extra share of mental anxieties because their sexual identity clashes with society (just like many gay people have), but I don't consider them mentally ill just because they want to change their sex or dress in drag. (BTW is transvestism part of transgender?).

 

[ladygrey]

^
Great quote.

As a transgendered person, I strongly disagree with the suggestion that I'm mentally ill in anyway. I'm a heck of a lot more healthy than 85% of the people that log onto this site. And further, I would have a dreamy life if it wasn't for all the gendered/bs crap that people project on me. It's society that has the illness, not me.

I'm confused as the "live in our closet" comment. Frankly honey, I could never pass for a biological female. Everywhere I go in life, people know that I'm a transgendered person.

I think being transgendered is a hundred times more difficult than being a gay man. I've lived as both, so I think I can make a judgement on that.

As I always say, "Mind your own business, don't look up shirts, and ask no questions".

You'll be happier.

 

[elle]

being transgendered and passing pretty much like 99% of the time, i just have so much respect for ladies like Ladygrey who live their lives as they should knowing that everyone knows...

i'm not the type to hide it and in fact i think its healthier and safer, i don't shout it loud everyday but, I Dont shy away from telling folks...but if it were not my choice just apparent i don't know how i would or if i could deal with that.

it takes all kinds and i'm proud to be transgenderd who may look the part but will never cut it off.

 

[moonrabbit]

Just in case you guys are unaware, All My Children is currently doing a storyline about this with the Zarf/Zoe character.

 

[Hard Luck]

IMO, the transgendered are "properly lumped" in LGBT organizizations because the prevelant issues we all face are those of gender role social issues, the social expections associated with gender.

Ah, then it's the gay issues we are seeing differently. Homophobia doesn't strike me as being committed by people who don't want boys wearing eye makeup as much as by people who don't want boys taking other boys' dicks up their ass.

Their marriage request is being denied because it's being insisted that it would constitute a same sex marriage. The two people wishing to marry, however, are arguing that this proscription against same sex marriage should not be an inhibiting factor for them because they were born a male and a female. : Oye!

Hmmm, and in the instance I was earlier referring to, the couple were legally married in California, even though their original birth certificates would indicate they are each female. I have to suppose the certificate was amended for the female-to-male transexual bridegroom (heheh, never has that term been more appropriate). In their case, something of a bureaucratic inconvenience ... but hardly an "issue."

I, however, take issue with the new groom passing himself off to his in-laws as a goom and not a bride/groom. It's entirely his business, of course (and with these in-laws, I can hardly blame him).

It's the deception I find objectionable. The secretiveness, and the lengths this particular individual continually goes to in protecting the identity secret.





I still find it hard to imagine dating someone with that much psychological baggage ... not to mention the machinations we'd have to employ to accomplish/simulate sex. I like people with a certain amount of excentricity .... but there's a limit to what I personally find workable in a relationship. Sheesh, it's hard enough dealing with gay men!

 

[Hard Luck]

Yes, I certainly should have been clear that I was specifically writing of transexuals I knew. Frankly, I'm not sure whether or not to consider their orientations homosexual. They are not, in their post-surgical and self-identified gender. And that's why, in part, I don't think they have a proper place at the gay table, so to speak.



In some sense, though, they can't help but be operating on some homosexual level. Surgery, hormones and identity cannot completely negate all biology and heredity. In the case of my married friend, for instance, how much of his attraction to his wife is a "straight" attraction based on his internal and physically-altered identity, and how much on an innate female's attraction to another woman?

Confusing to be sure. But fundamentally, I think, a different set of confusions and issues ... even if tangentially related to gay issues and confusions.

 

[elle]

In some sense, though, they can't help but be operating on some homosexual level. Surgery, hormones and identity cannot completely negate all biology and heredity.

so true, that is why i'm against a sex change for myself personally....
no matter what things i could do or change you could still see on a biological and basic level... i have XY chromosomes, nothing i can do about that & I'm okay with that.

i realize its not the same for other TS but the idea of having to keep my new surgical vagina from closing & healing itself everyday...i could never!
i'm already high maintenance enough, plus i like squirting

 

[ladygrey]

We're part of the GLTB community because we've been giving your queer ass fashion advice since the Stone Age.

Plus, we taught you how to mix drinks and give the best blowjobs.

Further, we belong because we're people who suffer the same sorrows, the same pains, and the same drama. I mean, all people are connected through our struggles. What's the real difference between someone who's fighting for gay rights and someone who's fighting for poverty reduction?

There isn't one. We are all fighting for the right to be human, as we see it.

 

[elle]

Pardon my ignorance, but is that something that needs to be done for a life time, or only for a period of time after the surgery until everything completely heals? I had the impression that was necessary only during a period of time of healing, not indefinitely.

From what i have heard it is a life long thing this "dilation", which is rather unfortunate... then again you can't really fight biology & A bodies determination to heal...at least i wouldn't want to be on the opposite side of that battle.

i could be wrong, but i have heard it from others who heard from their docs.

 

[Zeremonie]

Mostly I just think transgendered (M to F) guys are beautiful. I think it takes a lot of inner beauty to live a life that is your real self when it puts you in the face of a lot of anger, and many M to F transgendered people I've met are beautiful physically too.

 

[Swellegant]

I don't have an opinion on transgendered people in toto; I usually prefer to form opinions of individuals. I don't know if I'd date a post-op FtM transsexual, but I've never been asked so it's a moot question; I don't think I'd date a post-op MtF transsexual, as female parts aren't a big turn-on for me. But I'd certainly date a non-op MtF transsexual, or an MtF transvestite, and am myself a drag-queen.

I certainly don't think that transgendered people are mentally ill, or at least not more so than bipolar people (such as myself) or alcoholics/addicts (again, hi!) are mentally ill... they suffer from a dysphoria that can be corrected via therapy and various avenues of relief ranging from hormones to surgery. But they are fully acquainted with reality as we know it, so they're not insane or anything.

Much of the "mental illness" observed in transgendered people comes, I believe, from living in a world that doesn't really think their problems are real. When you're considered a freak, even by other freaks, you tend to get kind of freaky yourself; you see the same thing in the self-destructive habits and internalized homophobia so rampant among us.