Trouble Meeting People

[ryecan]

Hello, I finally decided to join, mainly to get some advice from people who might have gone through my situation or just provide some advice from their experiences.

I am a 19-year-old, and I've never really done anything with anyone. I realized I was drawn to guys in the 9th grade, I've never been conflicted on who I am or how I feel about people. I've been more attracted to men, but I am attracted to women.

Anyway, despite this and the fact that I am very sociable, I've never been able to find anyone that is interested in me more than friends. Lately I've been feeling "lonely" as I often see couples around and everything, and always feel left out. Also I've been really drawn to guys lately and in the public all I can do is wonder what it would be like. I started university recently with the goal of finally having some sort of more involved experience, but the guys I liked all ended up being straight, much to my confusion haha. The year is now over, and I am at the same spot I was when I started. I really don't want to relive highschool in the sense that I only had friends and nothing else.

I don't understand why I can't seem to make a connection? Not to sound superficial, but I don't I'm bad looking, and I get along with everybody pretty well. I've made a few friends in university, and people seem to enjoy my humour and way of being.

So that's the summary. Any advice or comments will be greatly appreciated! Hopefully I can get out of this, and experience life a bit more.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to the forum.

You have mentioned that you're out to yourself but you haven't said if you're out to others. That would be a start. Whether or not that's possible, somehow you'll need to put yourself out there to hook up or to date. Joining organizations which attract gay guys would be one way.

Fill in the blanks a bit more and there might be a few more responses. In any case, poke around here a bit and pm anyone who seems that might have some insight for you. The fact that you don't want to repeat your high school experience might just be the motivation you need to try something different. Good luck and keep coming back here.

 

[winterkill]

Perhaps the solution is that YOU have to do the first step instead of waiting for being approached. I got my sexual education in saunas, parks and bars, but today you have far more possibilities to meet people. Don't be too shy, and don't take sex and love too serious, because they always have a beginning and an end. And don't waste your time with the gay/straight topic; just try what you find appealing. Take it easy!

 

[ryecan]

Thank you for your thoughts! Both of you are right about me needing to be more proactive about being out there . . . I suppose I just have to overcome my shyness and try to be more upfront about things, but I admit it'll be a bit of a challenge since this is alien to me. I joined the forum with that in mind, to start inteacting with the community more.

I had a great time at highschool, I'm very grateful for the wonderful people I met there, but I just never got anything more then friendly realtionships.

Anyway, I'm not sure what else to say, but that this has helped me greatly!

 

[GhostMost]

You actually sound like a clone of myself... weird. Are you attracted to girls sexually? This question might seem irrelevant, I'm just wondering haha but with me I think they're attractive but I wouldn't consider doing anything with them, the only time I've kissed one is through truth or dare.
With me and men I've met a ton of gay friends but I like to test them out before I'm sure that I want to start anything with them, so I don't flirt and try to see if I actually feel comfortable around them and their personalities before I even make a move. Why waste my time with a guy I can't see myself with, I think of it as extensively looking for the right person. Sorry I don't know why I just said all of that.
Just don't lose hope with finding someone although I have the same luck as you, I never think about giving up and I've come to the conclusion that relationships are strange but maybe someday I'll find the right guy, who knows.

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

I recently turned 20, but just last semester I was in your situation. I'll try to help as best I can.

Since you're at university you may want to look into your campus's LGBT group or gay-straight alliance, whatever it may be. You'll be able to meet people similar to you, both friends and potential boyfriends. Also, if you feel up to it, consider online-dating. There are sites that are more relationship-focused and hook-up-focused, so it depends on what you want. Sometimes it's not easy meeting other guys, even on a university campus.

I wanted to ask you about your out status. First off, do you identify as gay or bisexual or something else? Second, are you out to your friends and family? Working on your visibility will get other guys to notice you, and if your friends know you are gay/bi/whatever, then they may have friends they can set you up with. Networking is a great tool. Also, are you masculine or feminine? If you are more masculine it may be harder for guys to notice you are gay and available, because people tend to surface judge quickly.

Just some thoughts, PM me if you need anything, good luck!

 

[ryecan]

Well it seems like what I have to do is clear! Thanks for the advice guys. It is especiallt refreshing to see people go through the same, and come out of the rut.