The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Trouble with "Boyfriend"

A

archfan13

Porn Star
Joined
Nov 12, 2009
Posts
332
Reaction score
1
Points
0
So, on September 9th, this guy started talking to me on Facebook, and for the past week or so, we've barely talked. We only hung out once so far (he lives 20 mins away, and I'm not out yet (he is), so it's hard to get together and do stuff)...but we had a great time ;) He told me he loved me within a week of talking to me. Obviously, I'm not delusional to really think he means love but then again..who knows...either way, it was nice hearing from someone.

He was supposed to spend the night tonight as my parents would be out of town..but then starting in the past week or so, he has hardly talked to me at all. (Last Saturday, I told him I felt like he was distancing himself from me and he said no, and he told me he still liked me.) I sent him a long FAcebook message, text him multiple times, tried on Facebook, etc. Lately all I get out of him is

me: Hey
him: Hey
me: what's up?
*hours go by*
me: ...
him: ..

:unf:

I finally talked to him tonight and he tells me he "hasn't been around his phone much"...I texted him from another number earlier in the night and he replied within minutes asking who it was...

I asked him if he didn't want me to talk to him anymore and his words were "I never said that"

I asked him if he still liked me and he said "ya"

I mean, if he really didn't like me, why would he keep me around like this? Why not just tell me he doesn't want to be with me? I just feel like he isn't telling me something. When we kissed and stuff, we had a great connection and I really believed when he told me he loved me and whatnot.

We haven't even been talking for a month, but he kept telling me we had a special connection and stuff, and I really felt amazing when I was around him. He is funny, nice, etc. I just feel like we had a great connection and I know the sexual things he really enjoyed because he told me ;) Some of my friends thought he didn't want a relationship (but he told me he did) so it can't be that.

It is just so weird that he went from talking to me all the time, telling me he loves me, calling me baby...and then going to barely saying a word to me.

Oh, and then he asked me to hang out the other day and I was excited because I thought we'd be able to talk and whatnot, and I told him I wanted to, then he never replied back to me.

I don't think I am clingy or anything either. I always wait awhile between texting/calling. I'm not some crazy person who needs him talkin to me every 5 minutes ( would be nice! lol)...I understand people are busy, but I can't imagine how you can go basically a week without talking to a person you "love"...

I don't think he is "cheating" and we aren't really "together"....and we haven't had anal sex yet. And I don't feel like he is using me, since we would have had sex tonight if he wanted to and had come over.

any suggestions? help? :(
 
I wouldn't say leave him alone, but more like don't get too attached. It'll hurt you if he's not on the same page with you
 
](*,)](*,)

he has already told you all you need to know about him. don't pursue him any more.

do you honestly think he is a sincere and carrying person - doesn't sound like he is from what you have described. you deserve better than this.

eM/
 
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time with this situation.

Sadly, I think it's time you let this one go. It sounds to me like he is playing with your emotions... and hurting your feelings at the same time. I know you're upset now, but if you let this carry on, you are goin to feel a lot worse and probably end up blaming yourself!

I can tell from what you've written that you feel attached to him already. But, I have to ask you: is it worth the upset? I seriously feel he is just toying with your emotions.

You'll find someone who genuinely cares about you, believe me. For now, it's just a case of saying "Bye!" to this person... taking time out to recover from the upset and then slowly easing yourself back into looking for someone.

All the best, and I hope things work out right for you
(*8*)
 
Some of my friends thought he didn't want a relationship (but he told me he did) so it can't be that.

He told me he loved me within a week of talking to me. Obviously, I'm not delusional to really think he means love

When we kissed and stuff, we had a great connection and I really believed when he told me he loved me and whatnot.

me: Hey
him: Hey
me: what's up?
*hours go by*
me: ...
him: ..
Click to expand...

Simply- I think you put your heart on the line to quickly, and got taken by this guy. It's a great feeling to be able to put everything on the line, but some people will take advantage of that in a heartbeat. Advice? Take some time to yourself, if you aren't busy get involved in some which way. Do things. Enjoy the single life. Remove this guy from your life.- He's not going to be a good thing for you. It seems like you are getting near the end of the process of where you move on from this one. Just be careful next time. & Don't give your heart so easily. It's something of value (something you should value), and someone that has that ability to love you will recognize how beautiful and unique it is, and try to unlock it, by unlocking theirs.

This guy sounds like a player type, I am going to yell at you if you do get back with him. You deserve better.
 
Thanks you guys! Means a lot to read your opinions and support.

I officially decided last night to move on. I'm no longer trying to get in contact with him. On the off chance he starts trying to talk to me again (which I doubt)...I wonder what I should do then? I think if he does try to eventually talk to me again, I'm just going to tell him straight up that I'm not playing these foolish games anymore.
 
Let's get this right. Any guy who tells you they love you within a week is just flat out lying to you. At that point, it is impossible to decipher if it is infatuation or love. I personally would dump a guy who said that to me within a week. I took me about 3 months to tell my BF that I love him but also, actions speak louder than words and he knows this too. I show him how much I love him through my actions. If he said he loved you and doesn't show it, put 2+2 together to realize he's full of shit and you should dump his ass.
 
maxpowr9 said:
Let's get this right. Any guy who tells you they love you within a week is just flat out lying to you. At that point, it is impossible to decipher if it is infatuation or love. I personally would dump a guy who said that to me within a week. I took me about 3 months to tell my BF that I love him but also, actions speak louder than words and he knows this too. I show him how much I love him through my actions. If he said he loved you and doesn't show it, put 2+2 together to realize he's full of shit and you should dump his ass.
Click to expand...

Agreed! The infatuation stage is awesome, but that isn't love. Far too often people go chasing after the "love bug" which is the infatuation high of oxcytocin pumping thru your system.
 
General rule number one:

If what a guy says and what he does are not in synch - what he does is the one that's true.


General rule number two:

If you feel like you're getting the runaround, tell him he sounds busy and to call when he has time - Then leave it STRICTLY alone.


General rule number three:

Guys who protest they love you immediately are not using that word by any definition you understand.

Rule specific to you - since you say you're already attached to a guy you met once and had a lot of pixel chat with - don't ever expect ANYTHING from a guy until you've actually started dating him, out there in the meat world. Chat is not dating. It never will be. It's always 80% in your head, 10% wishful thinking, and 10% possibly true.
 
Things moved way too fast, at least verbally. As time goes by and you become more open about being gay you won't be as likely to put so much stock in another person's word so soon after an initial meeting. The last thing you want to do is come across as desperate. Good luck to you.
 
Well, if anyone cares... I have some updates.

In mid-November, he called me out of nowhere. It surprised the hell outta me because I never expected to hear from him again. I picked up the phone because I was curious as to what he would want.

Basically, we started talking again..and he told me that he needed time to find himself and that he didn't really talk to anyone during this time (which I know was a lie, and I'll get to that). So whatever, a couple weeks went by and he was supposed to come over my place and long story short, he didn't on the night he was supposed to, but we talked on the phone for awhile.

He told me that he thought I was the one ignoring him (why I created this thread in the first place) and I was just like...what in the hell? I told him I was texting/calling him and he said he figured I didn't like him anymore so he was moving on and he sucked some guys dick (someone who I previously knew wanted him while we were originally talking) and then almost started another relationship with another guy.......... -__________-

And I was confused because first he tells me that he is trying to find himself so he didnt talk to me (or anyone), and then he tells me it was me who ignored him so he went off to find someone else..............

I told him it didn't really matter because we were never really ever together and it was all in the past. And he apologized for what he did and said he felt bad for hurting someone he cared about. and he told me he never lost feelings for me during this time. so whatever, I was annoyed with him but we talked about some other stuff. blah blah, the phone call ended without anyone really being mad or anything.

so then I try texting him later that night and I get no reply for like 2 hours. then I asked him to call me to talk again and he says "okay" but never does. so whatever, I go on about my night. Next day I text him "good morning!:)" and I get nothing the entire day. then I see he is posting away on facebook and I chat him on facebook...and once again, I get nothing.

so its been around 5 days now that I haven't been on Facebook/used my phone (cramming for exams!) so I don't know if he's ever texted me back or tried calling. I'm trying to decide if I really should care anymore. I gave him a second chance when I started talking to him again in November and then he tells me about the guys he was with and stops talking again......I mean I care about him less and less each day. who knows..

I have my facebook password changed and my phone off to mainly focus on exams but also to keep my mind off him and not be distracted. I mean if I turn my phone back on next week after like 10 days and there are no missed calls or texts from him...then I'd probably be done. But if he did call/text me, I'm deciding what I should do.
 
You seem so torn when you write that you will "probably" be done. Try not to torture yourself and don't let anyone deny your reality. You seem prone to co-dependency so be mindful of that with other guys you meet. Good luck.
 
I can't believe no one has pointed this out yet, but it seems to me that despite what you say, you are in fact a bit clingy. As you already know, the guy isn't someone you should have to high expectations from as he seems to be a bit of a jerk, but I still think you can learn something from this experience: people don't respond well to phone/text/facebook harassment. If he's into you he'll text back after the first text. If he hasn't replied to the first one, the second one isn't necessary, and a third one in the same day is excessive. If he doesn't text back it is cause he's busy (and will text when he has time... don't bug him), cause he doesn't have his phone with him (still no reason to send another text) or cause he just isn't interested. No one is turned on by desperation. Play it cool.

That being said, I have text-bombed guys I liked in the past. They never become my boyfriends though and I figured out the hard way that unless you are getting texts or calls back each time, lay off and maintain your pride.
 
I don't think I was being clingy at all.

In my original post, I said the following:

I don't think I am clingy or anything either. I always wait awhile between texting/calling. I'm not some crazy person who needs him talkin to me every 5 minutes ( would be nice! lol)...I understand people are busy, but I can't imagine how you can go basically a week without talking to a person you "love"...
 
Just forget about him, and move on to someone better who actually appreciates you. Think about it, you're not annoying him, you just want to know how he's doing and you ever so occasionally try to start a conversation. He completely ignores you, yet pays attention to other things. If he "NEEDED to find himself" and he didn't want to talk to anybody, he would have stated so. It doesn't seem that he needed to find himself, he was just on the hunt to find some cock which brings me to my next point; if he "loves" you then why on earth would he suck off some guys during the periods of time when he went on his little hiatuses (hiatii?)? If he did that and the two of you weren't really together, who is to say that he won't do that when you actually are? This sounds a lot like my first boyfriend, sans the sucking someone else off (although I'm pretty sure he did). He would just be dormant after a few days, and would only reply to my texts at least 10 hours later, only once, and then I found out later that he cheated on me. All this guy is doing is taking you for a ride, just so he can feel good for himself at the very few times which he needs some form of a confidence boost. Forget about him, there are plenty of people out there who are better.
 
" so then I try texting him later that night and I get no reply for like 2 hours. "

NO NO NO!
Just let go . He obviously kept you as a second priority all this time.
You deserve better!
 
I was not a member of this board but I just had to register an account just to respond to this thread.

Let me state a few facts that should clear your head (and don't argue with me, these are FACTS, whether you believe it or not)

1/ Your "boyfriend" doesn't love you and he is using you

2/ You still haven't got over him and are waiting to come back to him once he gives you the signals you want (for example, texting you back even only once after you contacted him several times)

3/ You are indeed clingy and extremely annoying. Any person who contacted a guy more than once even though they didn't get any reply is needy and a turn-off. Your "boyfriend" is probably thinking in his head right now "What an annoying bitch! Why does he keep bugging me? haha let's play with him for a bit more because he seems delusional."

4/ You are delusional about the whole thing. So many replies on this thread already told you to stop, but you didn't. I know exactly what you wanted when you started this thread. You wanted someone to encourage you to continue. You wanted to feel validated to continue this abusive relationship.

I'm completely sure you will crawl back to that guy soon enough. but let me tell you this:

DON'T COME BACK HERE CRYING WHEN HE BREAKS IT TO YOU THAT HE DOESN'T THINK OF YOU AS ANY MORE THAN A PIECE OF PATHETIC SHIT THAT HE CAN USE TO TORTURE MENTALLY FOR HIS OWN SADISTIC PLEASURE. HE IS DOING THAT RIGHT NOW, AND I KNOW HE WILL CONTINUE BECAUSE YOU LET HIM.

Peace out.
 
Why did you even bother registering? I thought this was a no flame zone
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top