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Troubled friendship

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pierce123

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hey guys i thought maybe you guys could help me out im a closet bi guy just so you know
Anyway my problem is i got this friend who ive gotten really attached to and im currently feeling really atracted to but he is as straight as they come and has a GF and has a kid on the way but recently ive fealt that our friendship is circling the drain like i know he has other comitments now with a child on the way and his GF but its always me who inisiates conversations and i feel as though whenever i text him or call hes just putting up with me for my sake and our friendship doesnt mean anything anymore is this all just in my head or should i just call it quits??
thanks in advance for you help
 
I think most relationships ought to be 50-50 with the understanding that there may be times when it can shift dramatically due to circumstances, such as grief, illness, problems, distractions, etc. You'll need to decide if his distance is due to circumstance or if he has moved on. It might be that you'll get less attention from him as he takes on new responsibilities and you'll need to fill the gap with new friends and activities. Does it seem as if he's cutting you out of his life?
 
I would suggest that you come across a little needy, considering your interest in him, and he senses it and has pulled back. Whether consciously, or not, you want something from him that he can't give you. You should reevaluate yourself and your actions and behavior towards him before looking for a fault in him, because it's possible that you are showing him more than you think.
 
He may not have as much time for you now, with all the changes in his life. My advice is to focus on your other friends and try to cultivate your relationship with them.
 
Girlfriends, wives and definitely children change all friendships. That is a simple fact. If one of the friends has a secret unrequited crush on the other, it just makes matters much worse.

My best friend is straight. We have been friends for decades. We remain very close. Has the friendship changed and evolved? It has to. He is married. He has children. He is about to be a grandfather. All these things change him. As he changes, so do I. Friendship is a growing process. If it stays stagnant, it usually dies a slow sorrowful death.

The gay/straight dynamic is very weird in the male friendship, especially if the friendship is very intimate. First off, I didn't see where you said he knows you are gay/bi, well, attracted to him. If he doesn't know this about you then chances are the friendship is not very close in nature.

I had a horrible time of it when my buddy got married. I hated his wife. She pretty much returned the sentiments. It took a very long time for the two of us to come to grips with the situation. I had to accept the fact she was his wife and he loved her and she wasn't going anywhere. She had to accept the fact that I was his lifelong friend and he loved me and I wasn't going anywhere. When we both realized we truly deeply loved the same guy it got easier.

To be honest, I think what you have is a one-sided infatuation. Infatuated feelings are indeed real for the one feeling them. I'd say move along and if he wants to remain friends with you, he will. If not it was a nice crush.
 
Yeah if the only time you see each other is when you make the effort - you see the point?

I've lost a lot of straight friends to suburbia. It's actually the progression in the lives of straight people. Friends, then GF, then family, then clone house 60 miles outside of town - and never to be seen again.

Such is life. You'll probably see him here or there, and exchange perfunctory greetings, make plans that never materialize, while he goes to little league and you do whatever it is you do.
 
Oh yeah, and trust me on this - if he DID include you in his straight family life, you would be bored beyond tears. Spending an afternoon at a 3 year old's birthday extravaganza, endlessly talking about the kids of people you don't know - all because you knew this guy and had a crush on him once - isn't pleasant.
 
Thought id just give an update on this the friend didnt stay round long everything fucked up but since then ive came out im gay found a friend who I call my brother and now live with and have a fiance too although things are a bit up and down on that front im alot more self focused and im able to say that to anyone who is closet bi or gay be true to yourself before you can expect others to do the same
 
Thanks for the update. What we do with our experiences is what causes self-growth. Continued growth and happiness!
 
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