Trouple vs Couple

[Dominus]

Ok, this might trigger some of you so trigger warning. I'm serious. Turn away now if you're triggered by the thought of troupling.

So, every once in a while in the last 8 years, I would ask my husband if he's down to entering a trouple relationship. His answer was always no.

Well, he recently said yes. I thought he was joking. He said no no I'm serious.

Not a threesome. I'm not talking about a one night stand with 3 guys. I'm talking about entering into a committed relationship with 3 guys involved. I've met a real trouple before and they seemed really happy with each other.

Anyone on here ever been in a trouple relationship? First of all, how do you go about finding a third guy? What were your arrangements, if any? Please explain the dynamics of your relationship.

 

[cabinfever]

Looking back I am surprised that I never really encountered a gay "trouple" (first time I have ever heard that term) though I knew of a few straight/bisexual couples - not even sure what the dynamics were. I have to say that from what I remember about them nothing seemed to last long term for whatever reason - I am not sure why really.

The closest thing I have seen alot is an open relationship. I have never had one but alot of them seem to work - have had a few people I knew fairly well tell me about them over the years and I knew of alot more where no one had to tell me. I think alot of them lasted - forever maybe.

In my early 20s with one of my relationships that lasted around 3 years we had alot of three ways. It was my first time doing that but I learned all of his relationships previously had that same dynamic and he was 10 years older than me - I liked it alot actually. I remember this one guy who I didn't like very much in bed or out of bed was coming over when I was at work and making dinner and other "stuff". I think he was trying to take my place - I considered it a favor at the time because I wanted to leave but didn't know how. The guy I was with though - I think he was entertaining the idea of the three of us - I was entertaining the idea of leaving him though for other reasons not related to sex so it was an oil and water thing.

I would check around to see if there are any groups on the internet dedicated to this. I don't know how common it is but there seems to be a group for everything else so it wouldn't hurt to check.

 

[MusicMan321]

I never heard of a Trouple of 3 guys in a relationship sounds like it would alot of work but in the end it sounds like it may be fun having 2 other guys love you the same way if that's what you like see how it works out for you guys keep us in the loop how it works out

 

[SeaCore]

This is a type of polyamory so I think investigating that would be a good start.
I'm not in a trouple nor have I ever been but I am very poly-friendly and my partner was exploring that a little bit. Because of that, I did do a little reading up about polyamory and I found this website helpful and thought provoking. I really appreciate their insight into jealousy which they state isn't a problem in and of itself but is rather a symptom of a problem where a need isn't being addressed.

Has your husband gone into detail on why the change of mind? And can you expand on why you want to pursue adding another person? It's a good idea to have a deep understanding of your motivations so that you can temper your expectations accordingly.

 

[Cormac135]

I can only see it as the beginning of the end.

 

[ChristianGianni]

^^^ Agree ^^^

I don't like sharing

 

[Dominus]

This is a type of polyamory so I think investigating that would be a good start.
I'm not in a trouple nor have I ever been but I am very poly-friendly and my partner was exploring that a little bit. Because of that, I did do a little reading up about polyamory and I found this website helpful and thought provoking. I really appreciate their insight into jealousy which they state isn't a problem in and of itself but is rather a symptom of a problem where a need isn't being addressed.

Well, the first and only trouple I met was back in grad school about 9 years ago. They were really happy together. At the time, I didn't know those 3 guys were together. I had a crush on one of them so I started making my advances. Then someone told me he was already in a relationship. Really? He never said anything. I asked oh yeah do I know who his boyfriend was? He said it's those 2 guys he's always with.

Anyway, I thought it was really cool. So, when I got a boyfriend, I asked for his permission to date another guy at the same time. He said go ahead. I then asked the other guy out and told him my arrangement with this guy here. No problem. It went like that for a while. I tried to get them together, though, but they absolutely refused to see each other. Eventually, we moved on and that was as close to a trouple as I ever got.

I guess it was to fulfill a fantasy. There's no deeper meaning in there.

Has your husband gone into detail on why the change of mind? And can you expand on why you want to pursue adding another person? It's a good idea to have a deep understanding of your motivations so that you can temper your expectations accordingly.

We talked about it. He said he met a trouple down in Florida and those three guys seemed pretty happy. Thought he'd try it out. He made it clear that it would be a trouple, not a threesome. Meaning it would be all three of us in a committed relationship, not a one night thing.

I must admit that I was caught off guard after 8 years of him saying no. So, I actually have no idea what to do next.

 

[SeaCore]

I wonder if it'd be a good exercise to create a dating profile together? Figure out what you both collectively want in a partner. What are some automatic no-goes, for instance? What kind person gets you both excited. And what are you both bringing collectively to the table? While complicated to navigate, the extra support is one of the biggest advantages to this type of relationship.
Physical attractiveness could be a tricky thing to tackle. You've said before that you are your husband's type and vice-versa. Do you wanna be with someone that looks like you? It'd be an easy sell for your husband obviously
Not that I think you're vain or anything, I just think it's worthwhile to consider how the balance in your relationship could create some unique challenges in exploring someone else that makes you both feel special and that feels special to you both.

 

[KaraBulut]

Over the past 30 years, I've known a few throuples. The circumstances varied between three guys living together and sleeping in a single bed to three guys two had two homes. Most were younger guys who seemed to be trying out something fun or it was an evolution for two guys who were always looking for a third.

None of them lasted. What ultimately made it not work was the same thing that makes couples not work- the every day stresses that chip away at relationships. Add to that a mistaken belief that all things would stay equal, when in fact, dynamics between two people just get amplified with it becomes three.