Humor-Satire Trump Staff Picks, Co-Conspirators and the Revolving Door of Departures [2024 Edition]

[cityboy-stl]

Rumor Department. I am not claiming this is true. Just reporting the rumor.

There's a rumor that what Trump is considering, in order to get Paxton out of the runoff with Cornyn, and to manage the growing Pam Bondi blow-back, Trump is planning to fire Bondi and appoint Paxton as Attorney General. Trump, I'm sure, would have no reluctance to do this if he thought it would help him. I can see Trump doing it. Senate republicans will do whatever Trump wants, and confirm Paxton. But again, this is just rumor stage at the moment.

This comes from David Pakman's show yesterday. To be clear, David is just reporting what many of his viewers have emailed him about. But David himself is just reporting it as rumor as well, and not endorsing it as fact.

Thoughts?

I'm thinking we need a 2026 edition of this thread. It could become very active in the coming days and weeks.

 

[KaraBulut]

ICE is having a problem getting new agents through training.

ICE agents keep accidentally shooting themselves

Three ICE agents accidentally shot themselves in the leg during routine training exercises within two days last year.

www.newsweek.com

ICE Agents Keep Accidentally Shooting Themselves

Three federal immigration agents accidentally shot themselves in the leg during routine training exercises within two days last year, according to internal documents reviewed by Newsweek.

A fourth incident involved an accidental taser discharge inside an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) office.

All three firearm discharges occurred during quarterly training sessions while agents were holstering their weapons, a routine but potentially high-risk moment in firearms handling.

 

[KaraBulut]

RFK Jr has crossed a line with Bostonians.

 

[rareboy]

Red Wedding.

Love it.

 

[KaraBulut]

Don't be surprised if Jeanine Pirro gets canned.

Jeanine Pirro , the former Fox News host, was confirmed as US Attorney for Washington, DC which is a powerful position overseeing an office that handles cases for the Federal Agencies, Congress and the White House. Pirro's confirmation vote garnered only 50 Republican votes (Collins & Murkowski voted Yea).

Since her appointment, Pirro has taken on a series of lost cause cases, mostly at Trump's behest. Like the sandwich guy prosecution. Like prosecuting a homeless man with a laser pointer. Like the prosecution of 6 members of Congress over a video where they reminded military members about the UCMJ rules about refusing to follow legal orders. She caused a major kerfuffle on the right when she made statements about restricting gun possession in the District of Columbia.

In Pirro's defense, these are stupid cases that she was never going to win. All she has done is sully the reputation of her DC office and the DOJ as a whole. The Federal Judiciary no longer trusts or believes attorneys from the DC office. Judges view her as the laughing stock that she has always been.

The latest case is the auto-pen conspiracy. Right wing media made claims that Biden was non compos mentis and that his staff were using an "auto-pen" to forge Biden's signature on documents. Trump amplified this by claiming that Biden's pardons of his family members, including Hunter Biden, were signed by auto-pen and were not valid. Trump installed a series of Presidential portraits in the walkway outside the Oval Office and where Biden's portrait would have been, Trump had a picture of an auto-pen installed. Trump's obsession with the auto-pen seems creepily connected to the rumors about the Biden men's big dicks.


Veteran prosecutors in the DOJ told Pirro that the auto-pen conspiracy was not only nonsense, stupid and a waste of taxpayer money, it also had ramifications: Presidents (including Trump) have routinely used stamps and auto-pens to sign bureacratic documents. If, in the slim chance that the government won, decades of Presidential orders could be considered invalid.

Someone in Pirro's office saw the light. They've dropped the auto-pen case.

Another Trump investigation flames out as DOJ drops Biden autopen probe: report

The investigation is the latest high-profile case championed by the president that has failed to result in charges

www.independent.co.uk

The Justice Department has reportedly abandoned a prospective case about the Biden administration’s use of an autopen, which President Donald Trump and his Republican allies have long alleged were part of a cover-up meant to hide his predecessor’s cognitive decline.

Veteran prosecutors were skeptical of the case to begin with and were unsure of what crime former President Joe Biden or his aides could be charged with committing, The New York Times reports, citing three unnamed people briefed on the probe.

 

[KaraBulut]

While questioning now-former DHS Secretary, Kristi Noem, Rep Jared Moskowitz [D-FL] was wearing a "justice for Cricket" button.

 

[KaraBulut]

$220 million on ICE Barbie's videos?

https://twitter.com/x/status/2028859373343129703

At least she got a Coast Guard blankie before she got canned.

https://twitter.com/x/status/2029291421933469946

 

[rareboy]

While questioning now-former DHS Secretary, Kristi Noem, Rep Jared Moskowitz [D-FL] was wearing a "justice for Cricket" button.


View attachment 3572003

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to have his babies.

 

[rareboy]

And get ready for one of the stupidest and least capable men to be put in charge of DHS. Expect more of his muddled, self-contradictory statements and malapropisms as he stumbles along.

Another loyalty hire.

 

[cityboy-stl]

And get ready for one of the stupidest and least capable men to be put in charge of DHS. Expect more of his muddled, self-contradictory statements and malapropisms as he stumbles along.

Another loyalty hire.

The perfect puppet for the puppet master Stephen Miller to manipulate.

 

[KaraBulut]

The perfect puppet for the puppet master Stephen Miller to manipulate.

Well, they call them "dummies" for good reason.

 

[KaraBulut]

Requiem aeterum, Fetterman's political career. His political career was probably over when he stood up and clapped during the State of the Union, but this is another nail in the XXL coffin he's constructed for himself. His term ends in 2028.

https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/5769789-fetterman-backs-mullin-dhs/

Fetterman says he’ll vote to confirm Mullin as new DHS Secretary

Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.), who has been known to buck his party, said he will vote to confirm Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) as Department of Homeland Security (DHS) secretary after President Trump announced Thursday he would select Mullin as Kristi Noem’s replacement.

“As a member of the Homeland Security Committee + Ranking Member of Subcommittee on Border Security: I’m not sure how many fellow Democrats will vote to support our colleague @SenMullin as the next DHS Secretary, but I am AYE,” Fetterman said in a Thursday afternoon post on the social platform X.

 

[rareboy]

Fetterman, alongside fellow Democratic Sens. Tim Kaine (Va.), Elissa Slotkin (Mich.) and Maggie Hassan (N.H), voted to confirm Noem in January last year.

Let's see which Dems vote for Mullins. Slotkin and Hassan had no excuse with Noem. They didn't have brain damage from a stroke. If they vote with the Pubs again, it shouldn't be hard to figure out where the money is coming from for their votes.

 

[rareboy]

So all the damage is irrevocable because no one will be putting the pieces back together ever again, but some satisfaction in TrumpCo. being slapped down for the destruction of VOA by Kari Lake.

"Lake satisfies the requirements of neither the statute nor the Constitution," U.S. District Court Judge Royce C. Lamberth wrote in his ruling. He declared all of Lake's actions over the past year to be null and void. That includes the layoffs of more than 1,000 journalists and staffers at the U.S. Agency for Global Media and the Voice of America.

https://www.npr.org/2026/03/08/nx-s1-5741594/u-s-judge-kari-lake-broke-law-voice-of-america

 

[rareboy]

And get ready for one of the stupidest and least capable men to be put in charge of DHS. Expect more of his muddled, self-contradictory statements and malapropisms as he stumbles along.

Another loyalty hire.

Your new head of DHS on January 6. Trying to be invisible.

 

[KaraBulut]

So, Ed Martin, the weird guy who wears a trench coat in the middle of summer in DC, the election denier who was at Jan 6th, the guy who ran the Patriot Freedom Project which raised money to pay for attorney fees for the Jan 6th insurrectionists, the guy that couldn't get confirmed for the DC US Attorney position, the guy they installed into the lead pardons attorney position at DOJ, the guy who was assigned to lead the Weaponization Working Group" to investigate Biden's "persecutions"...

..he's been formally accused of ethics violations against his bar license. Shocking!

https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/10/politics/ed-martin-bar-discipline-complaint

Ed Martin, an outspoken Trump administration official, is facing attorney discipline proceedings in Washington, DC, for a letter he sent to Georgetown Law about its diversity programs, the district’s professional conduct investigator announced on Tuesday.

Martin is formally accused of violating his ethical codes as an attorney for telling Georgetown Law’s dean last year that his Justice Department office wouldn’t hire students because of the school’s diversity, inclusion and equity initiatives programs, according to the filing from Hamilton Fox, the disciplinary counsel for DC who acts as a quasi-prosecutor on attorney discipline matters.

Unlike unsolicited complaints, Fox’s formal disciplinary complaint kicks off professional conduct proceedings for Martin in which he will need to respond and could be sanctioned or ultimately lose his law license.

As pardon attorney at the DOJ, his motto was "No MAGA left behind" and he recommended pardons for the Jan 6th insurrectionists. This is the guy who recommended pardons for the guys who were convicted of plotting to kidnap Michigan governor, Gretchen Whitmer.

How the fuck was this guy ever hired to work in the Justice Department?

 

[KaraBulut]

Spending like a drunk SecDef... $93 billion in one month last year...

US military spent $9 million on crab legs and lobster in the months before Iran war

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth also authorized the $100,000 purchase of a Steinway & Sons grand piano for the Air Force chief of staff’s home, according to a watchdog report

www.independent.co.uk

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon apparently isn’t feeling the same affordability struggles as many average Americans, as he approved spending more than $93 billion in September, including on luxury food items and iPads.

Over the years, I've seen a lot of military recruiting ads. I must have missed the one where you get a free grand piano.

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth also authorized the $100,000 purchase of a Steinway & Sons grand piano for the Air Force chief of staff’s home, according to a watchdog report

Hegseth has been touting the warrior culture and physical fitness. Who knew that MAHA means lobster dinners, king crab and ribeye steaks?

A new analysis published by government watchdog Open the Books found that in September — the end of the 2025 fiscal year — Hegseth reportedly burned through cash, including spending $9 million on crab and lobster dinners.

According to Military.com, an increase in military officials eating pricey meals has traditionally been viewed as a sign that something may be brewing — such as President Donald Trump’s war in Iran — though it appears Hegseth has been dining well at the Pentagon since at least last spring.

The spending review found that in the month of September alone, the Defense Department spent $6.9 million in total on lobster tail and $2 million on Alaskan king crab, according to the government watchdog. In 2025, the department also spent more than $7.4 million on lobster tail across the months of March, May, June and October.

The decadent seafood wasn't the only expensive sustenance purchased at the Pentagon. Hegseth also spent approximately $15.1 million on ribeye steak in September, $124,000 for new ice cream machines, and $139,224 on doughnut orders.

 

[rareboy]

Well the MAHA is all about meat protein.

We knew the stories would start to emerge about DoE spending like whores on a holiday.

They are all gorging while the gorging is good.

And it is telling that this is done with impunity, knowing full well that the stories will surface out of audits.

 

[KaraBulut]

Last summer, when torrential rains hit sections of the south over the July 4th holiday, at least 135 people were killed in flash floods in Central Texas and many of their bodies were never recovered. The floods did $1.1 BILLION in damages to property.

Normally, FEMA and the National Weather Service would coordinate and where possible, pre-position resources based upon weather reports. After the event, FEMA would staff up and buy needed resources to bring in housing, fresh water and supplies for those affected by the disaster.

That is, until FEMA reported to Kristi "ICE Barbie" Noem. ICE Barbie put in new rules that required her signature on contracts over $100,000. That limit, combined with ICE Barbie's media tour meant that FEMA wasn't prepared before the storm and they were very slow in getting needed resources on the ground after the flood.

Now that she's gone, sources at DHS say that she's leaving a mess behind her. Her now-former agency is two weeks into a partial shutdown because Congress has not passed a funding bill for the department.

https://www.axios.com/2026/03/11/noem-dhs-contracts-backlog

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem is on track to leave dozens of pending contracts on her desk when she leaves office in three weeks, the legacy of a system she imposed to cut "waste, fraud and abuse," but that has stalled DHS programs. Noem was spending like a drunken sailor, with thousands of agents in places like Minneapolis driving rental cars, staying in hotels and getting paid meals. Many of the vendors have not been paid.

Why it matters: The backlog of contracts has left vendors waiting for payments and delayed projects such as President Trump's push for mass deportations and the border wall, along with disaster relief under FEMA, Axios has learned.

• "There's a mountain of backed-up contracts and invoices on her desk that the new guy will just have to deal with," a source familiar with the situation at DHS told Axios.
• The backlog existed long before the partial government shutdown over DHS immigration policies that began Feb. 14 and has further pinched the agency's spending.
• The shutdown has touched most of DHS's 23 agencies, including ICE, Customs and Border Protection, FEMA, TSA and the Secret Service.

While Noem was flying a private jet to El Salvador for a photo op at CECOT while she wore a $50,000 Rolex watch, American citizens were getting a preview of what it would be like to live in a police state without a functioning disaster relief agency.

 

[rareboy]

But a no-bid contract for 220 million to make horsey videos...no problem.