Humor-Satire Trump Staff Picks, Co-Conspirators and the Revolving Door of Departures [2024 Edition]

[KaraBulut]

While ICE Barbie was spending $20,000 on something to ride other than Corey Lewandoski's penis, stories are circulating about RFK Jr's collecting hobbies:

A Perfectly Normal Story About The Time Robert Kennedy Jr. Cut Off A Raccoon's Penis

Everything's normal.

www.wonkette.com

A Perfectly Normal Story About The Time Robert Kennedy Jr. Cut Off A Raccoon's Penis​

Everything's normal.​

Consider the raccoon penis.

We’ve had the dead bear he drove around in his van before dumping it in Central Park like he was Gentle Ben if Gentle Ben had been a serial killer. We’ve learned about how he chainsawed the head off a dead whale that had washed up on a beach, strapped it to the roof of his family’s minivan, and drove hundreds of miles home while his children in the back seat were being sprayed with whale juice. We heard about the whitewater rafting trip in Peru in the early 1980s, where he reportedly was served boiled rat by a peasant and made a show of plucking one of the dead rat’s eyeballs out of its head and swallowing it.

To all these tales of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s creepy interactions with animals, we must now add this from The New York Post:

In his diary, he writes about cutting off the penis of a road-killed raccoon in 2001, while his “kids waited patiently in the car,” so that he could examine it later.

We’re all aware by this point that RFK Jr. is one of the weirdest dudes to ever get pushed out of a Kennedy’s vagina. Which is saying something, because a lot of people have been pushed out of Kennedy vaginas.

*Wonkette is a website known for political satire.

 

[KaraBulut]

And one of RFK Jr's anti-vaxxer buddies exited a vaccine advisory committee because he thought there was "too much drama".

RFK Jr. Pal/Anti-Vaccine Kook Robert Malone IS NOT* Very Messy Bitch Who Lives For Drama!

*Is.

www.wonkette.com

RFK Jr. Pal/Anti-Vaccine Kook Robert Malone IS NOT* Very Messy Bitch Who Lives For Drama!

In a scenario that I am choosing to believe involved a cape, a Lilly Daché turban, and a long cigarette holder, anti-vaccine activist Dr. Robert Malone — the one who spent the pandemic loudly proclaiming that he was the “inventor” of MRNA vaccines (he was not) and was here to warn everyone that they were bad and would kill us all — loudly exited the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices on Tuesday, on the grounds that there was too much “drama” and no one appreciated his genius.

More specifically, he left because last week a federal judge determined that the way Robert F. Kennedy Jr. disbanded the entire panel and filled it with a bunch of unvetted anti-vax freaks who “appear distinctly unqualified,” along with the way those freaks subsequently ignored the usual scientific process for making changes to the childhood vaccine schedule, was very illegal.

No word on whether Dr Malone, shown here ogling the young horny man flesh at CPAC, will be returning to this previous job as a Kenny Rogers impersonator.

 

[KaraBulut]

But his emails!

Iran-linked hackers breach FBI director's personal email, publish excerpts online

Iran-linked hackers on Friday claimed they had accessed FBI Director Kash Patel's personal email inbox, publishing photographs of the ‌director and other documents to the internet.

www.reuters.com

Iran-linked hackers breach FBI director's personal email, publish excerpts online​

Iran-linked hackers on Friday claimed they had accessed FBI Director Kash Patel's personal email inbox, publishing photographs of the ‌director and other documents to the internet.

On their website, the hacker group Handala Hack Team said Patel "will now find his name among the list of successfully hacked victims." The hackers published a series of personal photographs of Patel sniffing and smoking cigars, riding in an antique ⁠convertible, and making a face while taking a picture of himself in the mirror with a large bottle of rum.

Something to note: the American press discovered the breach. The ranks of counter-espionage experts in the US government have been so damaged by the Trump Administration that this breach was not detected by the US government. There have probably been other breaches that they have missed.


Meanwhile, Ka$h's girlfriend, a singer who is 20 years his junior, is claiming that far right influencers have targeted her, claiming that she is a Mossad agent who only sucks Patel's small brown penis in order to spy for Israel.

Kash Patel’s girlfriend alleges foreign conspiracy to paint her as ‘Mossad honeypot’

Alexis Wilkins claims a ‘foreign-linked influence network’ is trying to fracture MAGA

www.independent.co.uk

The girlfriend of FBI Director Kash Patel believes a constellation of far-right influencers are part of a “foreign-linked influence network” running a “coordinated operations” campaign against her and Donald Trump’s presidency.

Country singer Alexis Wilkins claims to have collected evidence of an operation intended to create “chaos” within the Republican Party to derail 2026 midterm elections and “subvert” the president’s agenda.

The 27-year-old singer — who along with 45-year-old Patel has faced widespread scrutiny for allegedly using taxpayer resources for personal travel and security — has previously sued right-wing influencers over conspiracy theories alleging she is a “honeypot” agent for Israeli intelligence agency Mossad and being used to manipulate the federal government.

 

[rareboy]

And one of RFK Jr's anti-vaxxer buddies exited a vaccine advisory committee because he thought there was "too much drama".

RFK Jr. Pal/Anti-Vaccine Kook Robert Malone IS NOT* Very Messy Bitch Who Lives For Drama!

*Is.

www.wonkette.com

No word on whether Dr Malone, shown here ogling the young horny man flesh at CPAC, will be returning to this previous job as a Kenny Rogers impersonator.
View attachment 3615436

The quiet part...louder:

More specifically, he left because last week a federal judge determined that the way Robert F. Kennedy Jr. disbanded the entire panel and filled it with a bunch of unvetted anti-vax freaks who “appear distinctly unqualified,” along with the way those freaks subsequently ignored the usual scientific process for making changes to the childhood vaccine schedule, was very illegal.

 

[KaraBulut]

And it's getting veeerrrryyyy crowded in the military base housing.

Pam Bondi reportedly moved to military base due to threats over Epstein files

Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, former Homeland Security Director Kristi Noem, and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth all live in housing on secured military bases

www.independent.co.uk

Trump’s AG Pam Bondi is moved to heavily-guarded military base after threats over Epstein files and from cartels: report

Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, former Homeland Security Director Kristi Noem, and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth all live in housing on secured military bases

Attorney General Pam Bondi has reportedly been moved to secure housing on a Washington, D.C. area military base after she received threats from drug cartels and those angry over her handling of the Jeffrey Epstein case, according to a new report.

Sometime in the past month, Bondi was moved out of an apartment in Washington, D.C. after federal law enforcement officials flagged the threats against her, The New York Times reports, citing "people familiar with the situation."

Bondi reportedly began receiving threats in the wake of the Trump administration's capture of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro in January, a senior official with direct knowledge told The NYT.

 

[Thad1527]

I missed something. Are the drug cartels now out for justice for the Epstein victims?
I'd like that.

 

[KaraBulut]

I missed something. Are the drug cartels now out for justice for the Epstein victims?
I'd like that.

The "cartels" is likely just an excuse. The QAnon people are far more dangerous.

 

[backagain]

The "cartels" is likely just an excuse. The QAnon people are far more dangerous.

The gleeful part, is that they are about worried of their own.

 

[KaraBulut]

The gleeful part, is that they are about worried of their own.

They all believe that the leopard won't eat their face.

 

[KaraBulut]

Ka$h thinks he's hawking merch at ComicCon.

FBI Director Kash Patel photographed signing pictures of himself at Quantico

Former podcaster shows off customized Nike sneakers at training event for agents at bureau’s Virginia academy led by MMA fighters

www.independent.co.uk

FBI Director Kash Patel photographed signing pictures of himself at Quantico

Former podcaster shows off customized Nike sneakers at training event for agents at bureau’s Virginia academy led by MMA fighters

FBI Director Kash Patel has been photographed autographing photos of himself at a two-day training event at the bureau’s academy in Quantico, Virginia, where agents received instruction from MMA fighters.

The shot of a beaming Patel – posing and giving a thumbs-up while sporting a UFC baseball cap and perched at a table on which at least two signed publicity photos are visible – was posted on LinkedIn Monday by attendee James Swann of the U.S. Air Force.

 

[rareboy]

Just another unserious chapter in an unserious regime...but nice to know that FBI agents will be able to Kung Fu fight.

 

[Thad1527]

Has Nancy Guthrie been found yet?

 

[Rickrock]

Has Nancy Guthrie been found yet?

No, I don't think so.

 

[KaraBulut]

You're nominated to be a judge. Have you ever tried a case in front of a jury? Have you helped select the jury? Bueller? Bueller?

 

[KaraBulut]

You're nominated to be a judge. Who won the 2020 Presidential election?

Would you like to apologize for referring to Senator Mitch McConnell as "Cocaine Mitch"?

 

[rareboy]

These latest appointment are to just fill seats with Trumpchiks. Loyalists with little experience who will be directly told by the Oval Office what to do...they want a system filled with Aileens.

 

[KaraBulut]

These latest appointment are to just fill seats with Trumpchiks. Loyalists with little experience who will be directly told by the Oval Office what to do...they want a system filled with Aileens.

It's not a new tactic, it's just that the newest candidates are less qualified and less judicial than the nominees from Trump I. McConnell set the trap for the Democrats to lower the confirmation threshold to 51 votes instead 60.

And this is where wasting time trying to find historical parallels doesn't work. Packing the judiciary is right out of the autocracy playbook and we don't have to go back 100 years. It was Putin's tactic, it was Orbán's tactic, it was Erdoğan's tactic- using the levers of democracy against itself.