The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Trust Issues

  • Thread starter Thread starter ElMmSM
  • Start date Start date
E

ElMmSM

Guest
So I'm trying to come out to friend for the past week or so. But every time I plan to someone who I dont want to come out tags along or we have to go get someone. Or They're busy that day or they have to leave just as I'm about to do it.

I'm starting to think maybe I shouldnt tell them.

And then these little things pop up that make me rethink my trust in them, such as me telling them something in confidence and then finding out they told the person I was talking about. Its little thing but still, I used to trust people way too much and then I made sure to stop and make sure they were trustworthy.

So what should I do? Should I sit them down and first work out the trust stuff or should I tell them about me being Bi?

I dunno what to do, I'm thinking maybe tomorrow I should do one of those 2 things.
 
Just one question, if I may?

Why do you think, the fact that you may want to mess around with another dude behind your locked bedroom doors may be of any importance for your friends?

Just do your thing and, when the time comes for them to draw their own conclusions, they will do so.

There is something very awkward about coming out altogther.

'So, dude, ya know, I am gay/bi/whatever.'

This other dude is now stunned or relieved or whatever. And what is he really supposed to say?

Do you really want to hear his words of approval? Or would you stop being gay/bi or whatever, if he advises you to do so?

Think it all over and run your own show.

SC
 
You should really only tell people you completely trust. But also be prepared for negative reactions. Usually people who love you regardless will always be accepting :)
 
At first, i came out as Bi to my friends (was sorta confuse back then). I told them any chance i was alone with them, like we were watchin tv, or walkin to somewhere. Now, i came out gay to those same people, and they're fine with it. People that i had trouble talkin to, i did it online or by phone, it was just easier for me. Shocked a few friends, but everything turn out fine.
 
Don't come out to this friend unless you're ready for everyone to know. And it would appear that you're not ready for that because you hesitated to tell him when there was a third party present.
 
If you want the information to be confidential, then only come out to people you trust to keep it that way. Some people are good friends that you can trust to be there if you really were in need, but they may not be the type who can keep secrets. For some it just kills them to keep a secret and for others things just slip out without them thinking about it. Do you think it's fair to ask these people to keep secrets for you? You may want to tell them that you need them to keep it confidential for a limited time, which would be more likely to occur. This would give you time to become more comfortable and tell others if you feel the need. I personally never felt the need to make an announcement. I don't try to hide it either. I just let people figure it out on their own.
 
What vetteboi said.

How do I come out? Well, I don't blurt out "I'm gay!".

When I'm talking with friends or coworkers about subjects I'm interested in, I mention how me and my date/boyfriend like this or did that or whatever. They figure it out pretty quickly. It's a technique I learned from other JUBbers.

Just blurting out "I'm gay" makes for a very awkward situation, and just makes people think about SEX.

Talking about a date or boyfriend--while inevitably making them think about sex--is more about people and relationships, and straight people can relate to that more.

In contrast to SilverRRCloud, I do think it is important for other people to know what you do behind locked doors. If only so that when you inevitably talk about sex with your friends (as men are wont to do), you don't have to feign interest in women.

You can be who you are.

And that's the best thing about being Out.
 
>>>In contrast to SilverRRCloud, I do think it is important for other people to know what you do behind locked doors. If only so that when you inevitably talk about sex with your friends (as men are wont to do), you don't have to feign interest in women.

Indeed. Also, if your friends are the type to (thoughtlessly) put down gays - mainly out of ignorance rather than maliciousness - then coming out would alert themto the fact that they're hurting you with their remarks.

If there's a specific friend you'd really like to know, tell him. Take him to lunch or something, but tell him "I really need to talk to you about something" so he knows not to drag other friends along.

Lex
 
Well yesterday I tried to but I just couldn't. My nerves got the best of me and couldnt. That and we were sitting in In-n-Out and I didn't want the entire place to know.

And now I feel sick. I thought maybe I could send them a message or call them to tell them, but I just feel sick when I do. I know I can trust them even if they cant keep small things between us because those small things dont really mean anything in the end anyways.

And now I also feel like just packing my things and running like somewhere cause I just want a fresh start.
 
Sorry you're going through so much turmoil with this.

I could be completely wrong, but I get the sense that your inner-voice is telling you don't-do-this. And, I think it's more than nervousness about doing it. I think your thread title says it all: Trust issues. That little voice inside your brain is warning you not to trust them--yet. I've learned to listen to that voice, even when I don't understand it completely. I think the undue nervousness about it was another facet of your doubts too. If you were completely comfortable and trusting, it might have come out much, much easier and you could have actually told them.

Hmmm. Unless there's an urgency, why not wait a while. Perhaps until you don't care who else knows and you don't want to contain the information. Or, think about the group and perhaps confide in the most trust-worthy ones?

Be careful. Your instincts are warning you off here and I'd listen to them. Just my .02. Either way, good luck and let us know what happens.
 
Maybe thats it, I usually do follow my instincts and I do feel like I just shouldnt tell them. Maybe it shouldnt matter.
 
Tomorrow I have decided to tell at least one of my friends. He's the one of the few people I do trust so hopefully he wont freak out, although I do think they all know. Hopefully they do and it makes things easier.
 
It's often the case that we build it up so much in our minds, and then when you tell someone they're like "Oh." Not always, of course.

Good luck and let us know what happens.
 
Again, I tried to but no one came over. I tried calling to see where they were, but no, they didnt pick up or have called back.

-_-'
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top