Trying To Work Through It

[sixthson]

Is the buddy Paraman?

I really don't think you need advice from us. You need to talk openly and honestly with him. Read your own post...you already have more answers than questions and you KNOW what you have to do, don't you?

BTW, I will give you this advice: stop marrying women. That does not help.

Good luck, buddy.

 

[timnmostud]

I think you need to be honest with yourself. Counseling would be a great idea to start. Obviously, you have a lot of issues going on here. If you are wanting a relationship with him you owe it to both of you to try to straighten a lot of this ahead of time. Even if you are able to work out your issues of sexuality, you will be better off with getting a little clarity of yourself before you get into ANY other relationship.

 

[Smitho]

I ditto the advise about being open and honest with each other. Is there anyway the 2 of you could go on holiday together, get out of your home town and immediate enviroment and have time to yourselfs to talk and find out how you feel about each other. Possiliby to a gay friendly sort of place so you would have the chance to see and maybe talk to other gay guys socially, and get more of an idea about what gay relationships are? Sort of a real life view bejond the sterotypes that maybe you have?

 

[rareboy]

You may also be a serial monogamist and it may not mean that you'll have a long term relationship with your best bud. But three marriages to women???? Hopefully others will see this and appreciate the kind of wreckage they leave behind from a lifetime of self denial. Hopefully you and your exes all forgive one another.

Obviously, you need to fuck the living daylights out of your friend and find out if you're sexually right for each other...but it does sound as though he is Damon to your Pythias or Hephastion to your Alexander.

Best of luck for a lifetime of happiness from this point forward.

 

[Kyanimal]

From what I've been reading ... I think the "sexual question" may be a more prominent issue than, perhaps, it should be.

It is a "given" that you two are already Very Close to each other. And, that, is a Good Thing! And, extremely Valuable!

It's obvious you Love each other. But, now, the question seems to be whether, or not, you're "In Love" with each other. Two different things, there. And the first does not, necessarily, include, or preclude, the other. And, the "physical issues" are something entirely different, too.

My advice? ... I think the two of you should put the whole "Gay Thing" in a box for awhile. Make it a "non-issue". It doesn't matter. And, by all means, put the expectations of "others" on a shelf, too.

You both seem to have enough concern, and Respect, for each other, to "merely" follow your own Hearts! And if you feel you would both like something to "happen"? Just let it. And if one of you might not want that, right now, that's O.K., too.

It is YOUR Relationship to be worked out with Yourselves (and Only You Two!). Don't let the "labels" get in your way! Relax, and go with whatever it is that feels Right between You! Whatever that may, or may not, be ...

Sounds like you have a very Solid, Healthy, Relationship as it is! I'm thinking that, no matter what, both of You are going to be just fine!

I am sincerely wishing Both of You the Very Best!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[backpacker]

I think both of you need to get to a place where you are emotionally ready for a relationship, then make a decision. I do mean both of you. If he has known that he is gay for years and doesn't know any gay men, it sounds like he has some issues to work on as well. You need some time to yourself so that he doesn't end up being a rebound guy. Obviously remain close friends, continue doing stuff together, then decide if you both want a relationship. I lost a best friend because we moved it to a relationship when neither of us were emotionally ready.

 

[Kyanimal]

In the beginning the religious part of it was very important to me and very upfront in what decisions I made, but as years have passed and from actually watching Paraman handle is religion. He told me once and I quote " Having a relationship with God doesn't mean you have to live your life buy what others in church say and do. When you stand before God on judgment day, you can't turn and say Hey God I was just doing what they told me too. " My relationship with God is now between God and myself not between myself, church and God. To answer your questions I have pretty much put to rest that I am some how wrong or a bad person because of my attraction to a man.....

I agree I couldn't have fallen into better hands.

I can completely understand the whole Religion thing! I am the first male, in many generations of my branch of "The Family", from Quaker to Methodist, that did not go into the Ministry. And though I knew I would be very good at it, one of the reasons I didn't was because of "My Little Secret". Something I struggled with for years, and years.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that my Dad had been (and still is) working, within "The Church", to get them to accept Gay Pastors! I wasn't aware of what he was doing, and he didn't "know" about me, at the time. But ... that's another story ...

Like paraman, I was very nearly married (several times, actually), but backed out, at the last minute, because I "knew better". However, I was quite "successful" with "the ladies" during my "confused" years. So ... yeah! ... I do know what that's like.

I greatly appreciate your statement that Your Religion is between You and God ... not You, "The Church", and God. I think You're on the Right track, there!

I strongly believe that God is IN each, and every one, of us. That is why, when we follow our own Hearts, and Minds, without "intervention", we are seldom lead wrong. We also have the capacity to realize, and learn from, our mistakes, and errors. None of us are Ferpect! The best we can do is to try to continually discover our "True" selves ... that which is God within us.

It sounds like Both of You have a very good grasp of your current situation. You are not the first, nor shall you be the last, to find yourselves at this crossroads. You are NOT Alone!

Nor is there any great pressure to hurridly come to any major decisions. Take you time. Let things happen as they will ... or not. It sounds as though You Two already have a Bond that some of us rarely find!

Sincerely wishing You Both my Very Best!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[G-Lexington]

I'd argue against DB's advice above. I can totally understand Paraman sitting by during three marriages while you "figured it out", and now finally appearing to have what he always wanted. But you do need to go at your own pace. And it sounds as though you're progressing forward. If you're still doing no more than rubbing feet in three months, yes, Paraman has to give you a push in the right direction. But I think you're coming along well, and I think Paraman has shown he's prepared to go at your own pace, especially now that it appears headed in the right direction.

...and it appears I was right.

Lex

 

[mojoe54]

All I have to add is that I wish both of you the best of luck. And to FRBZLFR I say,
"Sometimes you have to go for it"! But if you don't think you are ready, you guys should just chill and honor your friendship. Whatever happens,you guys should remain friends. And to Paraman I say, "Hang In There!". I think he really cares about you, and he's going to come out eventually. I hope you do come out, FRBZLFR--It would be much more healthy for you than trying to be straight when you know inside that you are gay.
Best Wishes, bb

 

[Kyanimal]

Kyanimal, Last night I was with him and we just sat and watched tv. He sat on the floor in front of me and I just drapped my legs over his shoulders and he just rubbed my feet, and honestly it is that closeness I have with him that means so much to me. We do things like that and it isn't based on sex, it went no further than that and me rubbing his hair while we watch a dvd. In my private moments, yes I think about him and doing other things, but that will happen when we are ready...

Personally, Guys, I think that is Beautiful beyond words! The personal closeness, the physical contact, "just" the acceptance of being with the other! (Even BETTER than "sex"! ... Did I say that?? ) AWESOME!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[mojoe54]

^^^Wow!! That was beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish you both all the best!

 

[benlemieux2003]

So beautiful to have a good ending to those stories... I'm fucking teary-eyed right now... You guys are so lucky

 

[G-Lexington]

Best of luck to you two.

Lex

 

[Kyanimal]

How is it possible to be so "weepy" and "Happy", for You Two, at the same time??

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[G-Lexington]

Thanks for my warm fuzzy for the day.

Lex

 

[Ninja108]

Awwwww.. stories like this just make me tear up

 

[Just_Believe18]

This is what makes Just Us Boys worth it for me.