Two steps forward, one step back

[rayheartsmiles]

I'm back. And so is he.
I know a few of you read my thread back in October, about my boyfriend who cheated and lied, then came back when my grandma died, then who I cut out of my life.
Well about two weeks ago, after a complete lack of any contact with each other, he called me to tell me happy birthday.
Surprisingly I didn't feel any anger toward him anymore. It made me happy that he called. He asked how I'd been doing and we started talking...having a normal conversation with no tears, no fighting, no bad memories. It was wonderful.
We started talking again after that. It was as if nothing had ever happened. We obviously were still not together, but we were becoming friends again.
Then last week he told me about a guy he'd been seeing. This new guy apparently treats him as well if not better than I did, and my ex really seems to like him. I was happy that he'd found someone to make him happy, but at the same time I felt upset.
Then the other morning, at 2 am actually, I was surfing the net when I got a text.
He couldn't sleep and wanted to talk to me, so I said okay. He seemed unusually happy, and I asked what going on. He told me he this new guy had had their first kiss.
As soon as he said those words a wave of total despair swept over me. I felt the silent tears begin rolling almost instantly. After a minute or two of silence he asked what was wrong. I answered quielty "I have to go now" and hung up the phone. He texted me back to see what was wrong but I didn't answer. I just cried. I still haven't talked to him yet.
I have no idea what to do. I want to be friends with him, but now I can't think of him without crying. It's obvious what the problem is...I still love him. But what do I do? Do I try talking to him again? Because I know he'll want to talk about this new guy. Do I tell him I need more time? Will he understand, since I had no problem talking to him after my birthday? How can I be happy for him when it still hurts?
I don't know what to do.

 

[hottie1982]

Your signature saying says alot. Tell him
you need more time, cause after all
your heart needs to be handled with
care concerning this situation. He should understand that.

 

[sixthson]

My guess? The guy does not care about you or your feelings. Cut him out of your life again and this time make it permanent.

 

[silentalk]

I know how you feel

If you think he's a good person with a good heart maybe you should text him, or even call him, and tell him how you feel. Be careful though. Do make it sound as though you want him to break up with his bf. Tell him that you're telling him this because you feel you can trust him and would love to stay friends with him. If he understands, your friendship will grow stronger. If he doesn't then you know he's not a good friend.

I still talk with my ex about almost everything, even the past. Being open and honest with each other made us best friends after we broke up. Although we're not in a relationship anymore, we're inseparable. Now that might not happen to everyone, but it's a step towards friendship.

Oh, and one more thing. My guess is that he called you because he wanted to share his happiness with someone and he chose you (although it wasn't very wise). But this has to tell you that he values your friendship.

Good luck

 

[boy0boy]

Try being honest, unless he's utterly dense, then he has some idea that what yall talked about bothered you.

So just tell him you still need space. Trust me, you'd be WAY better off with less contact, otherwise you'll worry yourself silly feeling sad/upset at his new relationship.

 

[KaraBulut]

rayheartsmiles:

If he's your friend and you love him, then you should want what is best for him. If he has found someone and he's happy, then you should be happy for him.

It's obvious what the problem is...I still love him.

Nope- that's not it. The problem is that he's moved on. You haven't.

Reminder: he cheated and lied and you ended it.

You can grieve all you need to. But bottom line is that you need to move on with your life and stop looking back.

 

[rayheartsmiles]

Silentalk, I think you're right. I think he was just trying to share his happiness but he made a slightly bad choice in telling me. I guess I should have been up front with him and told him I wasn't really comfortable with him talking about his new guy.
KaraBulut, you're right too. I haven't moved on. The only thing I've even done since we broke up was look, and that never went any farther than a simple "He's cute" or "Eh..." when one of my friends would point out a guy to me. But I know I still love him. He was my first boyfriend, my first real love, the guy I gave my virginity...the whole nine yards, so to speak.
I'm going to try to call or text him after my last class. I'm just going to tell him that I do want to be his friend, but I need a little more time before I feel comfortable talking about his new guy. I hope he'll understand.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

This will never be easy. Yet, you have to decide that you are a grown up man now and that you must stand by your word and by your decisions.

No doubt, you still love your ex. However, you broke up with him and now you must recognize that you have to stand by that decision. This comes with the territory.

My advice: cool off that friendship and move on.

SC

 

[KaraBulut]

But I know I still love him. He was my first boyfriend, my first real love, the guy I gave my virginity...the whole nine yards, so to speak.

The important word in that sentence up at the top is "was". He was all of those things.

You just need to remember 4 simple words: he was a dog.

You love him. No one said that you had to stop loving him. Remember the good times and get over the bad ones. Cry all you need to. Then get over it all.

It's time that you move on with your life and stop looking back.

 

[silentalk]

Hey....
Good luck, I support you!