U-N-I by william

[unilivewilliam]

Hey you all,

A reader said I should check out this site and post the story I've written here. I'm not sure about it so I'm testing the waters. You might have seen it elsewhere on gayauthors, gaydemon or Literotica and you might be thinking, "what? him again!"

So I thought I'd give you the link to my Tumblr

and if you've seen the story before, maybe you can tell me if my friend's right or if it's not the type of stories people like reading on this forum.

Cheers

 

[bs29697]

Your friend is right unilivewilliam you should post your story here. I've read a little bit of it and believe others would like to read it also.

Brian

 

[Autolycus]

You are welcome to post your stories here subject to our guidelines, but your link has been deleted as this is not in the spirit of this forum, which is not a medium for advertising work elsewhere.

 

[unilivewilliam]

alright then I guess I'll post the first part of the story here and see what you think. It's a story with 5 parts and it follows the characters for about ten years, from the age of 18 to the age of 30, how they first get together and how their relationship and their career evolves over the years. There's sexual descriptions in every chapter I wrote.

Here's the first chapter:



It’s 2018. The five of us are sitting in Heathrow airport, waiting to board a plane to New york where we have several interviews to give and a couple of TV shows to shoot for the promotion of our fourth album with U-N-I.

U-N-I, that’s the name we gave to the group we formed over ten years ago. Our lives have been so crazy in the past ten years, sometimes I still have to pinch myself to make sure this is all really happening.

I always knew we would be famous one day. Ever since our first jam session in 2005, I knew we would become the biggest rock band in the world…or I hoped so anyway. To be honest with you, if someone had told me back then that we would become this huge band, I would have had serious doubts about the truthfulness of that statement.

But one can always dream. My father had always told me not to dream. To dream was to be disappointed and it was a waste of time. I learned not to listen to my father though. To me, the power of imagination was priceless and at an early age I was determined to do everything I possibly could to make my dreams come true and to live up to my expectations.

Ok I’m getting a little carried away here but now that you know the end of the story, let’s start with the beginning.

--

I was born in Ireland from a French father and an Irish mother. We lived in the Dublin suburb of Rathmines, a cool suburban alternative to living in Dublin, according to our parents. It had its own high street, cool pubs, bars, restaurants and brilliant vintage shops. There were lots to do and we were not far from the city centre.

Growing up, I had a great group of friends. I couldn’t even remember not knowing them. We had grown up together, started going to school together, practiced the same activities after school, enjoyed the same sports… but mainly, we all loved the same music and we were all playing instruments.

We had always been the best of friends, simply because we lived in the same street. None of us lived far away from each other, although Robbie and I were the nearest neighbours, with Jordan just around the corner. Damon lived only a little further up the street and Dylan moved to the neighbourhood and joined our group of friends when we were around the age of ten. We could walk between all five houses in under five minutes.

None of us were really Irish though. Jordan had Scottish parents who had moved to Dublin for work, Dylan had moved from Southampton in England, and Robbie’s mum was Spanish, and his dad was English. Only Damon had Irish parents. He actually looked the most Irish, fair skin and all. The rest of us had darker skin and we could get a nice tan pretty easily when we went abroad. You don’t get much sun in Dublin.

Jordan was the youngest, and Dylan the oldest, although we were all close in age and over the years, our respective birthdays were always a good excuse to have a party. Dylan was born in january 90, Damon in march, Rob and I were both born a few days apart in May, and finally Jordan in August.

There was also Rachel, who seemed to be the only girl in the neighbourhood who managed to put up with us. She always wanted to hang out with us and play our games. She was a great girl, funny, smart and even pretty. She was our number one fan whenever we’d perform live together. She was part of our little gang. We really liked having her around and when puberty kicked in, she and I had started dating. So, she had been my girlfriend for a couple of years already.

I loved her, and I loved my friends. I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life. I was very close to Jordan, we often hung out together and we loved each other’s company, we would always play music together whenever we hung out. He had acquired a bass and he was a quick learner. I played the piano and the guitar. I was quite musically versatile, but I had learned how to play the piano around the age of seven and I was very good at it, probably because my father was always forcing me to practice, not wanting to spend money on lessons for no results. But since we had begun playing together, I had started playing the guitar and it had become my instrument.

I was always carrying it around, playing it whenever I could really, and I was starting to write songs. I had a very good ear for music, I could find a melody in an instant. I was a bit embarrassed to show the guys, but in school, or in my spare time, I had started writing lyrics as well. It was becoming a habit. Anytime I thought of something, experienced something, or witnessed something, I would try to write about it. I was carrying this notebook with me and just scribbled ideas whenever I could.

Whenever I was not hanging out with Jordan, or with Rachel, you would most likely find me with Robbie, mostly at night. He was my next door neighbour, and he was always, always there for me, whenever things got too tough for me to handle at home. Indeed, to counterbalance with having the best friends I could possibly ask for, I had the worst family. Well maybe not, but it did feel that way to me.

My father was drinking too much, he was out in the pubs every night after work and would always come home late, drunk and often violent. He wasn't beating me up exactly, or even hitting me frequently, although it had happened a few times but the threat of violence was always there.

He would grab my arm a little too roughly, or push me against a wall, or slap my face. He was an angry drinker. Drinking was probably a way of avoiding other issues, such as feeling like a totally useless member of society, going to a dead boring job every day to buy alcohol or cigarettes or if need be, to feed a wife and kids he, from the look of it, didn’t even love, although he was a lot nicer to my brother Thomas and my sister Amy, for some reason. I had made a promise to myself never to be like him. I didn’t want to end up like that. I wanted my life to be exceptional.

The only good thing I had learned from him was French. He was born in France but had moved to Ireland with his parents when he was a teenager. He’d almost never speak to us in English and we had to talk to him in French most of the time or he’d get mad, telling us that we’d never learn if we kept speaking in English. Even between my brother, sister and me we spoke French to each other if he was around. He'd never really managed to teach my mum but despite not really speaking the language, she understood it pretty well so French was the language we usually spoke in the house. It was not the best way to learn a language because it was forced on us but we did learn it.

Unlike my dad, my mum didn't drink, but she was not a very loving mum. I couldn’t really remember her cuddling me as a child. I didn’t feel much loved in my own home.

She was a Christian, not that there was anything wrong with that, but she really had some pretty strong beliefs. She did not seem to be able to make allowances. She followed blindly the dictates of the church and she was very stubborn about it. She had to put up with an abusive husband and a pretty sad life I must add, doing the cleaning, cooking, shopping, taking care of the kids and receiving no appreciation or love for it, and I’m pretty sure that she believed God had intended it that way to make her stronger so she was just putting up with it. She was a strict mother and even though she knew how my dad treated me, she never said anything to him about it. Whenever I complained to her about him, she always told us that God had a plan, and that everything we went through in life had a reason to happen.

Consequently, I didn’t particularly enjoy spending time at home.

Robbie lived in the house right next to mine. Our mothers were friends and had basically given bith a few days apart. Growing up, they kept telling us how they used to put us in the same playpen, so our friendship went way back. I really thought the guys were a pretty amazing bunch of friends, but Rob and I were best friend, and everybody knew that. I really felt the most connected to him, we knew each other so well, we spent so much time with each other, because every time I needed to escape my father when he came home drunk, I went to his. If my parents started fighting, if I had a fight with my brother or my sister, I climbed out of my window or walked out the door and went straight to Rob’s. I used any excuse I could find to leave and go to his place. The peace and love in his house was priceless to me. Rob and his family knew what I was escaping from, I had started doing it at an early age, I must have been only seven or eight the first time I had run to his place in the evening to escape my father’s violent outbursts. I had knocked at the door and Rob’s mother had let me in, comforted me, as if she had known what was happening to me, and asked my mother if I could stay the night because I was too damn scared of going back home.

She knew and understood what I was going through, she was always there to take me in her arms and make me feel special and loved in a way that my parents couldn’t. Over the years, it had become natural, I considered Rob’s mum and dad as my second parents. I’m sure Rob’s mother tried to make the situation better by talking to my mother and after a while it probably became an understanding, my mum would let me slip out of the house leaving me to be cared cared for by someone else. That way she knew I was safe and my dad was just happy that I wasn’t home most of the time. He didn’t have to bother with me.

So, despite spending most of my childhood nights sleeping in my best friend’s bed I always went home after school, after all it was where I was supposed to be; but after dinner though there was always something that would make me want to escape and I often found myself knocking at my neighbour’s door, hoping they would let me stay with them one more time.

It was during one of those nights that my relationship with Rob suddenly changed.

We were eighteen and about to take our leaving certificate. We'd had a pretty long hard day at school and we still had lots of revising to do so that day I didn’t even bother going home; we just left school and went to his place, straight up to his room.

Instead of studying I started going through the new NME magazine that we'd just bought. We just loved talking about music, the bands we admired, the songs we loved. He was also very musical and played the guitar so we’d always play together and I’d show him the melodies I had come up with. We had started composing songs together and he was always supportive and admiring of my song writing abiliities, always telling me I had an incredible talent for it, and that if we ever were to become successful, they would have me to thank.

I had a good voice too, and I loved singing, but so did Rob. He was, however, a lot more confident than I was, I didn’t mind singing behind closed doors but I couldn’t bring myself to do it in front of an audience; Rob, on the other hand, loved performing. He had such a good voice and he brought so most energy and passion into his performance that whenever we played music with our friends he was always the one singing. Plus, it gave him an opportunity to show off, which he just loved to do.

We usually learned how to play songs from The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Queen, The Eagles, Don Mclean, Elvis, Bob Dylan and most especially U2. We were huge fans of them.

After learning how to cover hundreds of songs, it just sort of happened. Just like that. A brand new melody coming out of nowhere. Well it was coming from us, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like it was coming from another place. The songs sort of wrote themselves, and it was an amazing feeling. We were so thrilled to be able to do that and we all really loved playing and writing together. We had spent hours in Damon’s garage, because that was where the drums were, and when we began to realize that we could come up with sounds of our own, it all started to become really exciting.

Damon was definitely sticking to the drums. He didn't have a very strong body and he was quite thin, but somehow, he managed to hit the drums with so much energy and enthusiasm that he had convinced us very early on that he was supposed to be the drummer.

Whenever I wasn’t, Dylan was playing the keyboard. Except for when I was writing songs, I was playing electric and acoustic guitars, Rob too if we needed it, but I felt more comfortable finding a melody on the piano. Jordan was getting to be really good on bass.

Rachel was our groupie, telling everyone how good we were, making sure people would come and watch us play whenever we performed live in pubs and bars.

--

I was still sitting on Rob’s bed when I heard my dad scream from downstairs.

"Mark, if you’re in here, you’d better come home right now!"

"Shit!" I exclaimed, looking at Rob and standing up in a flash.

“What the fuck does he want now?” Rob said as he headed out the bedroom.

I followed him reluctantly and we both went down the stairs.

As soon as I was close enough to him my dad roughly grabbed my arm and tried to throw me out the door.

"Hey, leave him the fuck alone!" Rob shouted at my dad as I passed by him on my way back inside, as there was no way I was going to follow him home and do as I was told, and Rob knew that.

"Excuse me?" he asked him back with an angry voice, looking at Rob straight in the eye.

"I said, leave him the fuck alone!" Rob repeated with confidence, not breaking eye contact. He had deep green eyes, and he could definitely talk with his eyes, there was a light in them, and as he looked straight at my father at that moment, he made him hesitate.

"We were studying, we have exams next week so whatever you want him to do for you tonight, it ain't gonna happen."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah! We’re eighteen now, and soon, trust me, he's out of your life forever."

My father just laughed,

"Good luck with that. Why don’t you try to find yourself a job first. Now, let’s go Mark! We’re leaving, we’re invited."

"I don’t wanna go, I’ve got better things to do!" I said to him angrily.

"NOW!" he yelled, and pushed Rob away. But Rob fought back, pushing him out the door.

"He’s not coming with you!" Rob added, with a determined tone of voice.

"What’s going on?" we heard Rob’s mother say as she was just getting home from work.

"Jane, can you please tell your son to respect his elders."

"That’s okay James, Mark can stay here tonight, they need to study."

"Like that’s gonna make them smarter!" he told her nastily then looked over to me and spat,

"Fine, you get to explain to your mother why you didn’t come with us, I didn’t want you around anyway."

I glared at him and he left, giving up on me…again.

I shood my head at what he'd said and turned to Rob’s mother.

"Thanks Jane,” I said. “I have a feeling I would have received a few punches tonight."

She sighed knowingly,

"I’m sorry he’s doing this to you," she said as she came over to me and gave me a quick but comforting hug.

"Come on, you two,” she began saying to change the subject. “go back upstairs and study. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready."

We nodded and went back to Rob's room.

"Fuck, I hate him!' I said as I entered Rob’s room, "I can’t believe you stood up to him like that" I told him, quite impressed.

"I can’t stand this anymore,” he spat. “we’re eighteen. This has gotta stop. You’re staying here from now on, alright? And as soon as we make enough money, you can just leave and never go back!"

"If only that was true."

"It can be. It will be!" he said with confidence in his voice.

“Yeah, I guess,” I smiled coyly.

He came closer to me and gently wrapped his arms around my back. I let him hug me for a moment. I knew he was only trying to make me feel better.

"This isn’t fair,” he spoke with sadness in his voice. “you don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

For a moment, I hugged him back and as usual, it felt comfortable. I felt protected and safe. It lasted a bit too long and I began to pull back, wondering why he wasn’t letting go. As I eased further back, my eyes met his and he gazed at me, but then quickly looked away.

"Well, come on. Let’s study a little and prove your asshole of a father wrong."

We did study and I stayed with Rob’s family again that night. We were all very quiet during dinner, we briefly talked about the upcoming exams and the gig we were going to play on the next day.

Every time I glanced at Rob, it seemed he was already watching me. He kept looking right into me with a reassuring smile, letting me know he was there for me and it felt good. He had a killer smile. It made me feel so much better every time he smiled at me, no matter the problems I had at home, he could just smile at me and the look of happiness on his face would take all of my worries away.

I could always see real understanding and care when he looked at me. He had such great eyes. They were mainly green but there were different shades in them. He sort of had this amazing ability to talk with his eyes. You could read his emotions and feelings just by looking into them. It gave him charisma and confidence…which was the reason why we had all agreed that along with the fact that he had a great voice, he had the personality to be our frontman. People were drawn to him.

He was just a born entertainer. He was great to hang out with. He could make people laugh really easily and he loved being the center of attention. You could never get bored with him. He always had these wild ideas about what to do to entertain ourselves and I gotta say, it got us into trouble more than once. Jordan was a lot like that too. He was the kind of guy who’s always joking around but in a smart way, if you know what I mean.

He was popular at school. All the girls were drooling all over him. Well to be honest, they were drooling over me too, but Rob, I don’t know he’d make them laugh, and he was just so nice and sweet with everyone. He always thought of other people before he thought of himself. Rob just had this capacity to love and show emotions. When we were together, the attention was definitely more directed toward him than me. I’m sure it also had something to do with his eyes. I’m telling you, you could see his soul in those eyes. Girls were attracted to them like moths to a flame.

But even though he was this confident guy out in public, I knew that sometimes he was just putting on a show to not let people know how he really felt, which he still does ten years later. He was really good at that but I could see through him. I think I was probably the only person he felt comfortable enough with to be completely himself. He always acted differently around me. He was shier and more reserved. He didn't joke around as much, he was more serious and sincere and, well, himself. I knew sides of his personality like his doubts, fears and insecurities that few people knew about, probably not even his mother.

And that night, all I could see was how much he cared for me and it was a bit unsettling. I had been feeling a bit weird and awkward around him lately. Something had changed in his attitude. He was overprotective of me. He always wanted to hang out, always wanted me to stay the night, never wanted me to go home. I knew he was worried that something would go wrong with my dad and that I had better stay away from him, but I was starting to feel that there might be more than that.

We went back to his room after dinner but we didn’t study again. We each took a quick shower, played video games for a bit and then a bit of guitar.

“Hey, listen! what d’you think of this riff?” I told him before I played it to him.

“Hehe,” he said with a laugh. “Fucking awesome. When did you come up with that?”

“Just now.”

“Doesn’t it sound a bit like Muse? Sounds like 'Showbiz' to me?”

“Does it?” I asked, playing it again. “Shit! Am I plagiarizing without realizing it?”

He laughed,

“Dunno, just sounds similar.”

“Fuck, whatever, I’m done. I’m knackered,” I said as I put down my guitar and climbed under the bed covers.

Rob picked up my guitar and practiced a couple of U2 songs for a while. I just listened and began to wonder how to ask him what I wanted to ask him.

Again, the whole evening had been weird, we had barely talked to each other but we had done a lot of talking with our eyes, there was a sort of…connection between us that I had been feeling more and more. It was becoming stronger and stronger every day. We never felt the need to talk non-stop when we were together. We always had something to talk about though but sometimes we just hung out silently together. The silence between us was always a comfortable one. It was never awkward.

I was almost beginning to drift off to sleep when Rob joined me under the covers. I turned around and lay closer to the edge of the bed to give him more space. I had my back to him but after only a few seconds, he sort of snuggled up to me. He wasn’t exactly touching me, but he was lying close enough so that I could feel his breath and his body-heat on me, and it felt good. Too good. Sexually good. Once again, I wanted him to press his body harder against mine. I wanted to feel the weight of his body on me. I didn’t move though and I knew he wasn’t going to either, he never did.

I was straight. I was dating Rachel. I was straight I kept telling myself almost every night. I was fucking straight, but I couldn’t help feeling mixed emotions and I couldn’t help being sexually curious when it came to him.

I had been suspecting it for a while now. He wasn’t interested in dating anyone seriously, whereas I was having a pretty serious relationship with my girlfriend. When I was hanging out with her and we couldn’t spend time together, he’d either hang out with our group of friends or, as he’d always tell me, he’d go to Dublin to meet more interesting girls than the ones from our school. I didn’t really have any reasons to doubt that since there were dozens of girls lined up at the end of our performances to talk to him when we played live in pubs.

But I hadn’t met any of them and he kept avoiding the subject with some sort of smart comment whenever I’d try to talk to him about girls. I wasn’t the only one to suspect that maybe he wasn’t straight… so did our friends. But they weren’t as close to him as I was. They weren’t sleeping in his bed almost every night . . . like I was.

I kept telling myself that I was just horny at night like this, I kept wishing that he’d make some sort of move on me. I wanted him to put his arm around me. I wanted him to try and kiss me or touch me, damn, I fucking wanted to have sex with him but I was too afraid to admit it to myself, even less to him.

I knew the main reason why I was feeling this way was that I could feel how much Rob wanted to be close to me, all the time. Just thinking about the fact that he was gay and probably interested in fooling around with me was turning me on.

Once again, my cock began to stiffen, but this time, I decided to do something about it. I took a deep breath as I worked up the courage to actually ask him once and for all.

"Rob?"

"Yeah," he just said.

"You still awake?"

"You know that was just me talking, right?" he joked.

I had to let out a small chuckle as I turned around to face him. I looked into his eyes for a second. "I mean, do you wanna sleep or can we talk about something?"

He frowned slightly. "Well, we can talk. What about?"

"I’m not sure… I just…I just feel…,” I took another deep breath. “Fuck,” I huffed. “You know what, forget it. Let’s just sleep," I said. I couldn’t find the right words and I began to back away.

"No tell me, what is it? I’m gonna make you tell me now anyway," he insisted.

"Ok. Look. I was wondering…like…how do you feel about girls, like, really?" I asked him.

"I…. why are you asking me this?"

"Cause, I dunno. All these girls…,” I began saying, talking about his fans who were all trying to get his attention after our gigs or at school. “You’re not even remotely interested in dating any of them, are you?”

“I’m not,” he confirmed. “Why would I want to date them?” he asked mischievously, probably hoping to make me think he was only interested in fucking them.

“Why don’t you want to date them?" I asked.

"Because it’s too much trouble.”

“Is it?” I asked suspiciously and he looked at me as if he had suddenly understood why I had brought up the subject.

“I just, I just don’t want to,” he mumbled. “I want to focus on the band, I wanna play music and stuff…, I don’t …" and he sighed and stopped talking.

He sat up on the bed and I propped myself up on one arm, facing him. I just looked at him and waited for him to say something or to look at me, but he didn’t. He couldn’t.

"Rob, you can tell me, you know. You can tell me anything, I’m your best friend so just say it, it’s alright," I said in a reassuring tone of voice.

Then I sat up and waited. It took a few seconds before he raised his head and his eyes finally met mine. I could see shock and fear in them. I just stared at him and tried to give him strength. He knew what I was waiting for him to say. But he didn’t say anything, and his beautiful eyes began to water.

"You gay?" I asked, but it was not really a question.

He took a deep breath and looked down again. I waited for him to process my question and after a moment he looked up at me and spoke.

"What if I am!" he said with confidence in his voice again.

"I don’t care. It doesn’t change anything. I just wanna know."

He looked away and sighed as he said, "I don’t think I can talk to you about this."

"Why can’t you? We’ve always told each other everything. You can talk to me about this, it’s fine."

"No. This is different. How'd you figure it out?"

I was silent for a moment. I wasn’t sure how to answer without telling him about how I was feeling. I tried to gather my thoughts and answered,

"’Cause you’ve been acting differently around me. You look at me differently, you smile at me differently. You always try to protect me. I feel there’s more closeness when we’re together."

"Alright stop, I get it. I thought I was being more subtle than that."

"I know you. You can’t fool me. I can read you like an open book."

More silence. He wasn’t talking so I tried to make him talk.

"You ever been with a guy?" I asked.

"Yeah," he softly answered.

"Really?" I asked, surprised, now, I was curious. "Who?"

"A few guys in Dublin…”

“Oh…,” I nodded, understanding why he’d go to Dublin by himself and never talk to me about it.

“And you know, Charlie, from school?"

"Charlie, yeah… no way, he’s gay?!" I asked a bit stunned.

"Yeah, very!" he answered, chuckling a little.

My mouth dropped open and I chuckled. I actually thought that was kind of hot, as I pictured them briefly together.

"Damn!"

Rob smiled at me he was starting to relax a little. There was no more fear in his eyes. He could tell that I was ready to hear this and that I was cool with it.

"He doesn’t look gay or act gay at all," I said, still a bit surprised.

"Well, neither do I… "

"That’s true." I looked at him and noticed again how masculine he looked. He had a great body, tanned skin, dark hair, a noticeable six pack and strong arms. His voice was deep and he wasn’t obviously gay in the way he spoke or acted. He was very attractive. And I couldn’t help but acknowledge the fact that I did find him so.

As ambivalent as I was about my feelings for him, I couldn’t help but try and talk to him about them. I was nervous and I didn’t know how to go about it. I had already managed to make him come out to me, I wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about the feelings he obviously had for me.

He looked briefly into my eyes, but looked away and sighed, ill-at-ease.

"Is he, like, your boyfriend? I never see you hang out with him."

"No, I never do. We just get together once in a while, it’s just sex. He’s fun."

"I see!" I smiled at him. "Must be hard to keep this to yourself."

He gazed at me and shrugged.

"Do you need a hug?" I said to lighten up his mood.... and to be totally honest, to feel his strong body against mine again.

He laughed slightly. "Sure!" he answered with another slight shrug.

I shifted my body closer to his. He moved and let me wrapped my legs around him. I held him against me and he rested his forehead on my shoulder and sighed. We didn’t move, we didn’t speak a word, we just enjoyed the closeness and again, I felt how connected we were.

After a short moment, he started to hold me tighter and drew my body closer to his. He clung onto me, our bodies quite close to each other, our t shirt covered chests pressing together. I felt his breathing change and I knew he was crying a little.

"Don’t cry, man, it’s okay," I told him reassuringly.

“I know,” he answered with confidence on his voice. “It’s just so hard to talk to you about this.”

I didn’t respond right away. I just continued holding him for a while.

“Why can’t you talk to me about it?” I eventually asked him.

He dried his eyes and and kept his tight grip on me. His breathing returned to normal and he raised his head a little. I felt his lips on my ear.

“Cause I love you," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. "I love you so much it hurts."

I froze. I hadn’t expected him to be so straighforward. I instantly felt a wave of lust rushing through me ast he whispered those words into my ear.

"I… I know, I kinda figured," I stuttered, unable to say anything else.

He pulled back to finally look at me in the eye. I could see so many emotions in those beautiful eyes of his. It felt more like he was looking into me again. It felt like he was trying to see into my soul, to read my mind, and he said softly,"I know you’re straight. I know I can’t have you. I just don’t wanna lose your friendship. But I had to tell you. Don’t weird out on me okay, please!" he begged.

I placed my hand behind me and pulled away from him a little with a sigh. I wasn't fully hard but I was worried he would notice that I was turned on by what he was telling me.

"I won’t," I promised him. But I knew something would change. Things could not be the same. Because I knew I was going to act on those feelings I had. I was sexually curious, and I felt attracted to him. I briefly thought about Rachel, but I knew she would not find out about this.

"Fuck,” he breathed. “I didn’t know how to tell you this. How d’you feel about it?"

"I dunno. I’ve only just started suspecting that you might be gay… How long have you known?" I asked.

"I think I’ve always known," he answered. "But I guess it became clear to me when I was like ….thirteen. I’ve always been more attracted to boys," he smiled and then added, “I’ve always been….”

He stopped mid-sentenced and stared into my eyes.

I held his stare. "How long have you had feelings for me?" I blurted out.

"Don’t make me say it!" he said as his eyes left mine.

"How long?" I insisted.

"Since I was thirteen," he admitted and I took a deep breath.

"But the last couple of years have been really hard," he admitted.

"And you would let me sleep in your bed, and not say anything?"

"I couldn’t say anything. I was just happy to have you there, even if I couldn’t touch you. I liked having you close to me. I didn’t want to lose your friendship. You’re too important to me,” he paused, "Mark… I don’t want this to make you stop coming over. If you need to get away from your place, please, still come over here. You don’t have to worry about me or what I feel, I’ll get over it. Actually, I’m glad you know. It will make things easier for me, and you can just tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable or if I’m getting too close to you."

He looked at me intensely,

"Promise me!"

I watched him and for a few seconds, I wondered how I could tell him that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t want him to keep his hands off me.

Evidently, I felt something for him that was going beyond friendship. I loved him. But I wasn’t gay. … or was I? Did I just want to try? Was this just lust? This could ruin everything between us. What if I was just curious but I realized I didn’t like it. I couldn’t do that to him. Let him have me just once and then tell him that I wasn’t interested.

But I loved him. I had that feeling in my body that told me I would cry a river if I were to lose him. He was my best friend, we knew each other better than we knew anyone else. We shared everything and he meant so much to me. He was someone I could tell everything to, he was someone I could go to when things were too hard to handle at home and I knew there’d be no judgements, just understanding and help.

"Yeah of course, I promise. I still wanna come over here and hang out. I told you, it doesn’t change anything. You’re my best friend, and I …I love you too, you know," I said calmly.

"What?" He asked, a bit taken aback. I think he heard in my tone of voice that I meant more than just ‘I love you as a friend’ "

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean, I love you… because … well, I couldn’t even imagine not hanging out with you anymore, there’s just no way. Come on, we’re talking about you and me here. You’re always there for me, I can always count on you. You protect me all the time. And if I’m bringing this up tonight, it’s because I feel… I feel so conflicted about this."

He raised his brows. “You feel conflicted?”

I stayed silent and he waited for me to continue. He could sense I wasn’t finished.

"I don’t think I’m gay. I dunno, I’ve never asked myself that question. But when I’m with you… at night… I don’t know…. I just feel…"

I really didn’t know how to explain it to him. I didn’t even understand it myself. I stopped talking and again, he waited, so I took a deep breath and said,

"I just feel … like I could try things with you… and it wouldn’t be weird!"

I could tell he wasn’t expecting me to say this at all.

"Are you saying you might want to…do stuff,” he asked cautiously.

I rubbed the back of my neck as I answered, "Maybe, I just don’t know. Maybe, I guess I’m just curious. But I don’t want, oh god, I really don't know… " I said, letting my hand fall back onto my lap.

He just stared at me for a few seconds until he said with a lot of confidence,

"You know, let’s be honest here. I’ve been fantasizing about kissing you for almost five years…. You can’t tell me stuff like that!"

I smiled and gazed into his eyes, loving how bright and hopeful they looked at that instant,

"Well… do it if you want!" I responded straightforwardly.

I so wanted to know what it would feel like. The more we were talking about it, the more turned on I was. I wanted to do things with him, I was sure of that, it was all I could think about. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about what it would change between us, or between me and my girlfriend.

He looked at me like I could not possibly be serious.

"Are you for real?" he asked with uncertainty in his voice.

I swallowed,

"Yeah, I’m curious. We can try. I don’t mind," I said, not really sure I meant it.

He looked deep into my eyes again, hesitated for a couple of seconds and then shifted his by closer to mine.

"Well, you know what?" he said, with his usual self assurance, "If I’m gonna ruin everything between us, I might as well take everything I can with me!"

Before I had time to think twice about it, he had wrapped his legs around me again. He placed one hand behind my lower back, the other behind my neck. Then he drew me closer and his lips were on mine.

It felt so electric and goosebumps covered my arms. Another wave of lust rushed through me when I realized what was happening. His tongue played with my lips and his hard body was tightly pressed against mine. I hadn’t expected this. Well, actually, I had thought it might feel like this, but I couldn’t believe I had been right. Fuck, maybe I was gay. That was the first thought that went through my head. But I didn’t care.

He was slightly smiling as he was kissing me, but I wasn’t kissing him back. I didn’t know what to do. It felt so good to feel his lips against mine and I still couldn’t believe how much I liked it. It felt so different to kissing Rachel. There was more pressure, more intensity. He was turning me on so much more.

I felt his tongue trying to push its way into my mouth, as if asking for permission to part my lips, I came back to earth and started to kiss him back. I opened my mouth slightly and let my tongue play with his.

God, I loved it! Kissing him felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was the most natural thing in the world, it felt totally familiar even though we’d never done it before. The kiss was gentle and hesitant at first but when he saw that I wasn’t stopping him and that I was kissing him too, he closed his eyes and drew me even closer to him, if it was even possible. He ran his hand through my hair and kissed me more passionately, my cock stiffened instantly. There was an intensity to the kiss that I had never experienced before.

He pushed his tongue deeper into my mouth, his fingers still running through my hair. I couldn’t believe how amazing this felt. I was rock hard by now and I could feel that he was too. We started moaning as we continued kissing, our crotches rubbing together.

Rob caressed the back of my head with his fingers and then pushed his body hard against mine, forcing me to lie down on my back, him on top of me.

Still kissing, his mouth moved down and he kissed the underside of my chin and traced my jawline with his lips. Then, he placed a few harder kisses on my neck. I was fucking loving it. It felt so good, he felt so good... but I couldn't help but say something, "Wait Rob…. Rob," I repeated.

"Oh no, Mark please, I don’t wanna stop, it feels too good to be kissing you, please, don’t stop me," he begged, pressing his lips against mine again.

"No, I don’t want to stop either," I told him in between kisses, "I just, fuck, it doesn’t feel weird to do this. I kinda knew I might feel like this, but fuck," I repeated as I tried to wrap my heard around the fact that we were making out and that it was fucking awesome.

He looked at me and smiled. Damn, he was so fucking gorgeous when he smiled. His whole face lit up and his eyes were full of passion.

"Don’t overthink it. I’ve been wanting to do this so many times. I didn’t think it'd ever happen!"

He kissed me again, small, long kisses, unable to stop. He eventually started nibbling at my neck again. I loved having my neck kissed. I knew it was a really sensitive part of my body but with Rob it was just ecstacy.

"Ohh fuck yeah!" I moaned. He must have felt my body shivering and quivering because he applied more pressure and made me moan harder. Then he started kissing my whole face, my cheek, my nose, my forehead. When he pulled back, he looked at me, his hand firmly caressed my stomach as he asked, his voice full of need,

"Please take this off!"

I was just wearing a T-shirt and my boxer briefs and so was he. I could feel his cock pressing against me. I pulled my tee over my head in one quick motion. We were both breathing hard and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him as he started kissing my chest.

When he got to my nipples, I exhaled and inhaled again, loving the feel of his tongue against them. He made them hard and kept teasing me for a while. I was so turned on, I thought I would cum whether he kept kissing me or not. It was the most intense sexual experience I had ever had. Even my first time with Rachel hadn’t made me feel like this. I knew he could feel it.

He licked his way down, kissed my navel and started pulling down my boxers-briefs.

He was doing all the work, I was just enjoying it. I was in total exstacy. I didn’t know what to do with myself, he was in control. He could do whatever he wanted to with me and that was obviously the way he wanted it. He knew what he was doing when I was totally overwhelmed by what was happening. Although I was loving every second of it.

As soon as he had pulled down my boxer-briefs, he stared at my hard on. It looked like he was mesmerized. He didn’t touch it, just looked at it and then he lay down on top of me, kissing me again softly on the lips. He kissed the side of my face and whispered into my ear again. This whispering thing was really working for me.

"Damn, you’re so fucking hot. I love your body, you’re gorgeous. I can’t believe this is finally happening."

I moaned, even more turned on by his confession and loving the fact that he was so attracted to me. I did have a pretty well-defined and well-developed body, just like him. He had spanish blood from his mother and I had French blood, but I was actually darker than he was. I could get a nice dark tan pretty easily.

He pulled me in for another kiss and looked into my eyes. His eyes were full of love and need. He really wanted me. I could see it, I could feel it, I could sense it. He ran his thumb over my lips and kissed me lightly.

"I’m so attracted to you. It’s always been you. I don’t care about anyone else. Let me show you how much I want you."

He kissed my ear, sending shivers up and down my spine and I felt his hand grasp my rock hard erection. He started stroking me gently and it felt amazing,

"Ohhh, feels so good, I need to cum so bad."

"I know, do you want me to suck you off?" he whispered in my ear, "cause I really wanna do that, I want to taste you," he said.

"Oh fuck yeah, do whatever you want." I breathed, ready for him to do it.

He kissed his way down my body, still smiling and lowered his head to my cock. He stroked it a couple of times and licked the head gently before swallowing half of it. His mouth felt so good, moist and warm around it. I could not believe I had my cock in Rob’s mouth, the thought and the sight of it almost sent me over the edge but I tried to hold back. He held it tightly in his mouth and started sucking on the head, licking all the precum. I was so fucking turned on, I was leaking pretty bad.

Then he started wetting my whole erection with his tongue and took the head again in his mouth and started going down on it, moving his head up and down. He was holding the base of my cock with one hand while caressing my navel with the other. I moaned and started to play with his dark hair. He took the head between his lips and sucked again, it felt so amazing, I knew I was not going to last much longer. He started sucking me faster, bobbing his head up and down, taking my cock as far as he could in his mouth without gagging, when he relaxed his throat and took me down to the base. I moaned so hard. He pulled up and did it again.

"Oh fuck," I moaned hard. "Uggg, so guys really do give better head than girls!"

He let out a laugh,

"I’m good at this!"

He took his hand away from my stomach and started playing with my balls. He swallowed them into his mouth one by one, making me quiver, and then he resumed sucking my shaft, easily taking it down his throat a few more times. He was indeed really good at this and I could only moan.

I could tell that he was stroking himself as he was blowing me and his moans became hotter and shorter. He let my cock slip out of his mouth and began jacking it furiously. That was it for me.

"Rob, fuck, I’m gonna…..ughhhhhh." He wrapped his mouth around the head again and a wave of pleasure stronger than I had ever felt before swept over me and I started cumming hard, moaning and shooting my load like I had never shot it before.

Rob kept his mouth tight around it through the whole orgasm and swallowed my jizz. I could hear him moan louder as he came himself, my cock still in his mouth.

He continued sucking on me long after I had stopped cumming and then he licked me clean thoroughly. It didn’t seem like he wanted to let go and I didn’t want him to stop either. I loved feeling his mouth on my cock even if my orgasm had subsided. He stroked it a few more times, then came back up, lying next to me. We didn’t say anything for a few seconds until I decided to break the silence.

"Damn," I told him with a sigh. "that was, wow!"

"So, how did you like it?" he asked, letting out a small giggle.

"A bit too much I think," I said, laughing a little.

We lay side by side until he turned on his side, placed his leg on top of mine and snuggled closer to me. He kissed me again on the cheek,

"Man, I can’t believe you swallowed it!"

"Hey, I want everything you’ve got," he said and I smiled, looking briefly into his eyes.

"How you feeling?" he asked me.

"Pretty good. I’m not freaked out if that’s what you mean… you?"

"I’m…," he began saying, “look, I don’t know what this means to you, and I don’t care right now. I’m just glad it happened. It was everything I'd imagined it'd be."

I let out a small chuckle and turned on my side to face him. “Good, ‘cause I don’t think I can explain what it is about you that makes me so…”

“so…?” he asked with curiosity.

I stared at him and said,

“Hard as hell…”

He laughed,

“I make you hard?”

“Like you haven’t noticed it,” I said sexily.

“Well…dude, we’re eighteen, I mean, I’m hard all the time, especially with you, always looking all gorgeous and perfect as fuck!”

I smiled at what he’d said,

“So you’re gay, uh?”

“Yep. Full blown gay,” he confirmed with a laugh, “not even slighty interested in fucking a girl!”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Shit!” I said with a heavy sigh.

He laughed,

“Shit.... my best friend’s gay? Or shit… I had gay sex with my best friend and I liked it?”

“You know which one it is.”

“Don’t overthink it, it was just fun. Doesn’t make you gay.”

“Doesn’t it?” I asked, skeptically, rolling over onto my back.

He shushed me and began caressing my chest and stomach. He did that for a moment and I could tell how much he loved touching me.

"Damn, I love touching you," he sighed and I smiled at him.

"Why do you love me so much?" I asked. I could tell he was surprised by my question.

He gathered his thoughts and kept running his fingers over my skin as he said,

"’Cuz you’re you. And I love you. You’re perfect. Everytime you speak, every move you make, I can’t believe how much I love you. I can barely stand it, your smile, your laugh, everything, I love everything about you!" he said and kissed my cheek briefly.

"Damn, how could you keep your feelings to yourself for so long?"

"I dunno, I was too young, I guess. And I wasn’t that good at hiding my feelings, you saw through me."

"What are we gonna do?" I asked, unsure about everything.

"I don’t know. We don’t have to do anything. I’m not asking you to be gay for me, or to break up with Rachel. But if you want us to be together once in a while, I’m here, whenever you want. I won’t tell anyone."

"D'you think I’m gay? Is this why you fell in love with me, you felt something?" I asked him.

I was already starting to think about all that it would change in my life….my relationship with Rachel, with my parents. It all seemed too complicated. But I couldn’t deny how I felt for him. I had to be at least bisexual I thought.

"Maybe,” he answered. “You’re… I don’t know, you’re so special. You’ve always been. There’s just something about you I’ve always loved. You’re so talented and artistic and sweet. Maybe you’re gay, maybe you’re not. Time will tell. I don’t care. I mean, I’d love it if you were. But it’s up to you. You really don’t have to put a name on it. I didn’t for a long time. I know what I want, I want to be with you, but I can’t ask you…" he didn’t finish his sentence, "You’re too confused about it for now."

I sighed,

"Well, I loved what just happened. And I don’t feel weird about it. That must mean…"

"It doesn’t matter."

"I knew I wanted this to happen. I kinda figured I'd enjoy it!"

He smiled and gave a small laugh,

"Five years damnit! You couldn’t have realized it sooner?"

I just shrugged.

"Well, it was worth the wait!" he added.

I laughed too.

"Just promise me something!" he said seriously.

"What?"

"Whatever happens between us, we won’t let it get in the way of the band, or of our friendship. We have to make this band work, for the five of us, and it has to remain our main priority."

I smiled, because the band was my priority too,

"Yeah, of course, we have to."

Although I knew that whatever would happen, it’d have some kind of impact on the future of the band.

It was getting late, so we got under the covers and he did what I had secretly wanted him to do so many times. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight against him as we drifted off to sleep a lot faster than I thought we would, considering what had just happened…. But then again, we were always so comfortable around each other, this time was no exception.

 

[unilivewilliam]

cHAPTER 2


When I woke up, I was alone in bed. The previous night's events came flashing back into my mind almost immediately.

'Shit, what the fuck had happened,' I thought anxiously.

I smiled to myself as I grabbed Rob's pillow and buried my face into it. I smelled his scent on the pillow case. It was soothing and kind of hot too.

I remembered how good it had felt to kiss him....to let my horniness take over and to finally have sex with him. I still felt good about it and I wasn't even trying to deny the fact that I had loved what we'd done. Yet, I was having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I had actually had sex with him. Had it really happened?

It also felt incredibly satisfying to know that I had been right... he was indeed gay and he did have feelings for me. I wasn't imagining anything and I loved the thought that if I wanted to have sex with him again... I could. It was both terrifying and very enticing.

I lay in bed for a long moment and tried to remember every little detail of our conversation and of what had followed. Since Rob didn't seem to be coming back into the bedroom, I reluctantly got up and wondered if, maybe, he had sneaked out of bed on purpose. I was feeling a bit groggy so I went to the bathroom to take a leak. Then I stepped into the shower, my mind still fixated on Rob. I could only focus on one thing... the sex... the amazing sex and the fact that he had given me the best orgasm I'd ever had from a blowjob. My dick rose to attention but I barely touched it. The thought of having to face Rob soon without quite knowing what to tell him or how to explain my feelings was beginning to scare the shit out of me.

After letting the hot water spray over me for what seemed like an hour, I stepped out and went back into Rob's room to get dressed. At least half my clothes were in his drawers because I'd spend the night at his place so regularly.

I headed down the stairs and found him in the kitchen, having breakfast and reading the latest NME magazine as I had done the previous night.

It wouldn't be far from the truth if I told you that we learned pretty much everything we needed to know about rock in that magazine. Back then, we read about the latest groups, sometimes without even listening to their music, just trying to follow their career and to immerse ourselves in the rock scene. Reviews in NME were so well written that even if the groups were bad, they managed to make you hear the music, make you vibrate with the lyrics and the message they conveyed. We were so excited about the whole rock scene! We totally loved it because the teenagers that we were could easily identify with the kind of lyrics that they sang. It talked to us because we felt that the changes we were going through in our life were mirrored in this music. This weekly magazine was our getaway, we could totally lose ourselves in there, dreaming about what it could be like to live like them, wanting nothing more but to enter that world ourselves.

It was Saturday, and apparently, we were the only two people in the house.

"Hey you're up," he said as I walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah," I just responded.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine. Why didn't you wake me?"

"I don't think you would've appreciated it if I had."

I sat down at the table and poured some cereals into a bowl. I wasn't looking at Rob but I could feel that his eyes were on me.

I decided to break the silence as I stood up to get some juice.

"I can't wait for tonight," I said, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

We were to play in a club in Dublin. We played in Dublin every weekend, mostly on Saturday nights in pubs, so we were used to it. We had been doing that for the past eight months or so, and we had a few dedicated fans already. Our performances were often uploaded on Youtube by some of them and we were receiving a lot of support and great comments. We were starting to get noticed.

This gig was a bit different though. It had been scheduled for weeks and we had been rehearsing hard to be ready. It was not going to take place in a small pub as usual, but in a club.

"Yeah, me too. I'm a bit apprehensive though. There's gonna be a lot of people tonight. I've been trying to hold back the nerves since I woke up!"

"You'll be great, you always are." I told him sincerely as I sat back down. "Don't be too nervous, alright, we'll do fine. We're ready for this."

He gazed at me with a smile, with those eyes...

"Yeah, I can't wait to try out "Clocks"," he said. It was a song we had recently written and that we still hadn't played live.

I nodded. "No one will know if we mess it up," I said with a small laugh.

"We'll know," he said softly.

I shrugged lightly and then I looked at him. He watched me. There was an intensity in his eyes.

"Well, at least, it takes my mind off last night," he said confidently and somewhat flirtatiously.

I held his gaze and what I saw was hope, and anxiety.... But mainly hope that I'd stop acting as if nothing had happened between us. I felt so nervous about having to talk about it. I didn't dare mention it yet. I still didn't want to overanalyze my feelings or to try to understand what was going on with me and what it meant about my sexuality.

I hesitated briefly but asked him, "How d'you feel about it?"

"Me?" he teased. "What about you?"

"I asked you first," I responded with a smirk.

He let out a small laugh. "Honestly?... I wanna do it again ... and again... and again!" he told me seductively.

I smiled, feeling a bit uncomfortable that he was flirting with me, but enjoying it nonetheless. I placed my hand behind the back of my neck and rubbed it as I sighed, "I'm so confused."

"I know you are," he said sincerely as my eyes locked onto his.

"I know that you don't even think you're gay," he said, "but you did want to have sex with a guy last night...with me... Fuck, even I'm confused." He breathed. "I'm not sure what's going on in your head right now and what it is you want out of this."

I looked down at my bowl of cereals as I said, "Neither do I..."

I took a deep breath in and added, "all I know is that...," my eyes met his again, he looked impatient to hear what I was about to say. ".... I .... I wanted us to... do stuff last night... and I'm not sure why," I sighed and passed my hands over my face. "ugg, I keep feeling like this around you, and it's just driving me nuts." I let out a huff as I tried to explain my feelings to him. "I need to talk about this. And it seems like you're the only one I can talk to."

He let out a small happy giggle. "I can't believe this. You wouldn't believe how many times I've wanted to get it on with you."

"Fucking hell," I said with a small chuckle and buried my face into my hands.

He laughed. "I didn't think you'd be interested in like...experimenting..."

"I don't even know what it is I want," I mumbled in frustration.

"How long have you been feeling this way," he asked cautiously.

"Dunno, a few weeks," I admitted. "Since you began dodging all my questions...." I began saying.. "and just from the way you've been acting..."

He looked up at me with a smirk.

"You've been very... let's say, tactile with me...," I said.

"Ugg," he smiled awkwardly. "Mark, you've been staying over so much lately, it's fuckin' hard to not let anything on..."

I watched him and he looked at me with a bit of lust that made me feel good and gave me an adrenaline rush.

"I can't go out by myself when you need to stay here, besides I wouldn't want to if you're here and I'd never say no to you, ever, but you know sometimes I . . ."

I nodded.

"So...like... last weekend, when you asked me if I was staying over at Rachel's after the gig," again, he didn't let me finish.

"Mark. I didn't mean... I just needed to spend some time without you..."

"Why, where'd you go?" I asked him, curious to know where he was going without me.

"I... I went to 'Euphoria' last weekend."

"By yourself?" I asked curiously.

"Not for long," he responded suggestively. I lifted my brows with a nod and wondered how many guys he'd been with.

Then he spoke,

"Look, I'm not gonna lie, I go there all the time," he explained, "it's a great club and it's fucking easy to get in and pick up a guy. I just go to their place."

"So, that's what you've been doing then, when I'm with Rach?"

"Well, yeah... if I'm not with you, then, yeah, that's what I'm doing...," he said with a light suggestive shrug. "I'd rather be hanging out with you and doing what we did last night, but you know, if you're gonna be with her..."

I didn't know what to say but I was too curious not to ask. He didn't speak for a moment so I spoke,

"So, how many guys have you been with exactly?"

He chuckled.

"I dunno, do you expect me to keep count?"

I shook my head.

"Look, I don't want to freak you out. But...," he said hesitantly. "shit," he let out a huff. "look, it doesn't matter how many times I've tried... I can't.... I'm not interested in them. I don't want to be their friend, or their fucking boyfriend... because, well, at the end of the day, you're really the only one I want to hang out with and I just can never get you out of my head," he admitted wholeheartedly.

"Ok," I merely said.

"I'm not looking for a boyfriend...," he paused before adding, "unless it's you."

I took a deep breath and for a second, my eyes left his. I couldn't believe he was saying all this and I felt overwhelmed. He sensed it and spoke quickly,

"Mark, I'm only going out clubbing without you guys 'cuz, well, you know...," he said with a chuckle.

I let out a laugh. "Yeah..."

He laughed too.

"I mean, come on, sex is great, I love sex, sex is awesome!" he exclaimed playfully. "But..., fuck," he breathed out and we looked at each other. I felt the same overwhelming feeling. "What happened with you... it meant so much more to me...'cuz..." he waved his hand softly at me, "it's you. And I don't know what it meant to you," he said hesitantly, "if it was just that, sex, that's fine, but...," he sighed and didn't finish his sentence.

He didn't need to, I had understood the message.

After a moment, he spoke more seriously,

"Look, if you need to talk, we can talk. I'll always be here to listen if you need to talk.... Or whatever else it is you wanna do with me," he smiled.

I didn't respond immediately and I must have looked nervous because he added with a concerned tone of voice,

"Mark, I really want you to know that I meant everything I told you last night. I...I," he muttered. "I do love you," he confessed sincerely again, "for so many reasons. And yeah, I want us to be more than just friends... but if that's not what you want, it's alright. I know I can get over you, as long as I don't lose you as a friend. You mean the world to me. I know we can accomplish great things together... and with the guys... and I won't jeopardize that by... I won't take that risk. I can't...", he sighed. "I can't take the risk to lose your friendship. If you don't want anything more to happen, then I swear, I'll back off."

I nodded.

"But," he continued before I had time to say anything. "to be totally honest with you, I'm afraid... I'm afraid it might be harder to get over you if we.... I don't know if I'll be able to..."

I let out a self-conscious chuckle and then I stared at him, even more confused about my feelings. I didn't know what to tell him, so for a moment, I just stared down at my bowl of cereals and said nothing as I tried to process everything he'd said. I couldn't find the right words. I finished my breakfast, lost in my own thoughts. Then, I stood up to put the bowl into the sink and I stayed there.

He came up behind me and gently placed his hand on my shoulders. Then he hugged me from behind and I enjoyed feeling his chest pressed against my back. He felt strong and I was loving it. We didn't move for a moment.

"Are you ok? Do you regret what happened?" he asked me.

I slowly shook my head no. "I loved it last night. I told you, I wanted it to happen. I've wanted it to happen for a while," I admitted to him. "I just, I don't understand why I feel like this. I never thought of myself as gay...even before last night I didn't. But now, I just don't know."

"I told you, you don't have to put a name on it, not yet."

I turned around to face him and he let go of me. "I have no idea what's going on with me."

"It's ok, you'll figure it out... what it is you want. I can help you figure it out...," he said, clearly meaning that doing stuff together would help me sort out my feelings.

"Rob. I don't wanna hurt you."

We were silent for a few seconds. As I watched him, I started to feel those urges again. There was something different in his eyes. He looked beautiful to me. I didn't know what he was doing to me, but the more I was looking at him, the more I was seeing him in a different light. Knowing that he loved me and that he wanted me was changing my whole outlook, as if it suddenly allowed me to acknowledge how attracted I was to him.

"I don't mind getting hurt," he said softly and with confidence.

He took my hand in his and rested his chin on my shoulder. We didn't speak a word. He started kissing my shoulder very lightly through my t-shirt. Then, he raised his head and we looked intensely into each other's eyes. I moved my head closer to his and he brought his lips to mine.

We kissed gently at first. Then, the kiss got longer, unbroken by either of us. I parted my lips and his tongue slid into my mouth.

Like the night before, Rob started to take control. He pulled me closer to him, one hand behind my neck, the other on my lower back, and started kissing me more deeply. God, he was so fucking good at that. It felt like he was trying to consume me, like he wanted to melt into me. He kissed my lower lip and sucked on my tongue, and I did the same to him. He kept squeezing me to him and all I wanted to do was to give myself to him as much as I could. All my doubts and questions didn't matter at all anymore. His kisses were too exhilarating, hot and intense.

He pulled back and whispered, "God, I love kissing you. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to feel like this," he told me. I could only moan.

"I love you," he murmured as he kissed my cheek, my response was to press my lips against his again.

He kissed me back with a smile but soon pulled away and looked around,

"We can't stay here, let's go upstairs."

I nodded and we quickly ran up the stairs and entered his room. He immediately locked the door behind us and stepped close to me. He placed his arms under mine and brought his hands up to my shoulders and he kissed me full on the lips, which caused my cock to get harder and become uncomfortable in my jeans. We both moaned, wanting each other badly, and he began to nibble at my neck. He let go of my shoulders, put his hands on my hips and they quickly found their way up my back, under my t-shirt and he pulled me toward him. We kept kissing, it was so intense, I could hardly move, we were both breathing hard.

He pulled up my t-shirt and I decided to stop letting him be in control. I did the same to him. I placed my hand on his pec and gazed at his tight chest as I let my fingers run down his stomach. Both my hands reached for his jeans. I surprised him a little by pushing him closer to the bed. He sat on the edge while I pushed his jeans down to his ankles and started chewing on his underwear. I knew I was providing just enough stimulation to turn him on like crazy and all he could do was moan.

"Oh fuck," he sighed. He fell onto his back and put his face into his hands as I began rubbing his already very hard member through the fabric of his underwear. I teased him a bit before slowly pulling down his boxers. I gripped his cock gently, teasingly, and I stroked him for the first time.

We had never really been in the habit of 'I'll show you if you show me' but I was spending all my time at his place, so of course I had seen him hard before, just not in such a situation. His cock looked a lot like mine, about seven to eight inches, not circumcised, a little bit thicker than mine...and it was beautiful. It wasn't particularly veiny; his balls were drawn tight to his body and he trimmed his pubes and I couldn't help but find the sight in front of me just beautiful.

I wasn't sure I wanted to blow him just yet, but I felt ready to try. I began by stroking him with a nice rhythm and kissed his stomach, loving how hard it felt, loving his well-defined abs, loving feeling his hardness against the palm of my hand, and again, wondering why I was this turned on by him, all of him.

I continued my journey up, and licked his right nipple, remembering how I had loved it when he had done it to me the previous night. I bathed it with my saliva and pulled on it with my teeth and he squealed with delight. I did the same with the left one. He was moaning, his eyes still closed, one of his hands was in my hair. I felt his dick throb in my hand, and I felt the urge to lower my mouth onto it. I didn't think twice and did just that.

I began licking the head. My tongue played with his piss slit for a second and then I wrapped my lips around it. I rapidly took more of him in my mouth and I was surprised by the softness of his hard member against my tongue. I was enjoying having him in my mouth, so I began taking more of him and slowly bobbing my head up and down, while holding the base. He was so hard that precum dribbled out his slit and as I licked it, I loved the taste of it, I had never tasted my own, and I felt like I was discovering everything about his body. He didn't move and let me play with him, he could feel that I was enjoying it. He broke the silence though when I took him into my mouth again and engulfed him almost to the base.

"Oh man, I don't think I've ever been this hard," he moaned.

I could tell he was really trying not to shoot at this point as he had a look of pure concentration on his face.

"Oh please, don't stop," he begged.

I didn't intend to. I started sucking him faster, pulling back sometimes to lick the head and to work my tongue under the short foreskin and taking him down to the base again, tightening my lips around his pole. I had never done that before but I found myself knowing exactly what to do and loving it too. With my left hand, I started playing with his balls, pushing a little on his sphincter and after a short moment, he yelped and moaned,

"Oh fuck, you're gonna make me cum!"

I pulled my mouth off his cock and jerked him fast. He got rigid and I watched as a river of cum began drenching his chest and stomach. His body was jerking, his eyes were closed and he was squeezing the sheets in his hands and moaning. I just grinned seeing how lost he was in his own orgasm and quite proud that I was doing this to him. When he finally relaxed, I took his chin between my fingers, he panted and slowly opened his eyes. He smiled and placed his hands on each side of my face before kissing me.

"Did you enjoy that?" I teased.

"Fuck, it feels so damn amazing with you, everything does!"

I smiled and he asked,

"Did you feel ok doing that?"

"Well, I did it, didn't I?" I replied, "First time for everything..... look, I don't know what this means, but yeah, I liked it ... a lot," I admitted.

He grinned at me, beaming, and in one quick motion pushed me on my back and attacked my neck and my smooth chest. He ran his fingers all over my skin, marveling at my body. His fingers were soon replaced with his lips though.

He frantically unzipped my jeans, pushed them and my underwear down, finally letting my cock free, and undressed me completely. He then slowly kissed his way up my left leg to the inside my thigh. He licked and kissed and moved his way up to my balls. He was making me shiver with anticipation and when he licked them and took them in his mouth, I moaned,

"Oh god, that feels so good Rob."

His saliva and his tongue felt exquisite. He played with my balls for a moment and then he slowly kissed his way back up before making contact with my lips again. We kissed hard, exploring each other's mouths, sucking on each other's tongues. He pulled me harder against him and we grounded our cocks together, as he was hard again. I wasn't even sure he had gone soft at all.

Then he began cupping my ass and I kind of knew he would try to touch me there, I was fearing it a bit, but also wanted him to do it.

He kissed his way down my body again, grabbed onto my pecs or my arms, licked my nipples and finally caressed my abs, and I could feel how much he fancied me, and it was such a turn on. He was worshipping my body.

He lifted my cock and let it slip into his mouth. Like the night before, he swallowed me completely and I felt this amazing feeling coursing through my body.

"Ohhh, you're so fucking good at this, what're you doing to me?"

He kissed the tip and chuckled a bit,

"Just enjoy it," he said before licking the wet precum that was oozing out.

I shivered and before I knew it he was deep throating me again and blowing me like a pro. He was keeping his mouth tight around my hard member, using his tongue a lot, making me quiver, and I could not stop moaning.

He sucked hard on the head and I panted,

"Ohhhh, fuck!" when he plunged my dick to the back of his throat again.

He kept at it for a moment and when he stopped, he had me ready to burst. I tried to hold back as he took my balls in his mouth, licking them. He raised my legs up a little and started paying attention to my ass, as I knew he would. He massaged my cheeks, kissed them and started applying some pressure on my sphincter. I was lost in the sensations he was sending through my body when I heard him ask,

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course," I answered and I felt one of his fingers caress my crack as he said, "don't worry, I'm not gonna, I don't wanna fuck you, just trust me, ok?"

I knew what he had in mind but I was enjoying this so much to stop him and I didn't really care what he would do as long as it still felt good. And it did. I felt his tongue on my hole, licking me in that very private spot and it felt great, so erotic.

"Uhmm, that's, uhmmmm," I said, quivering.

I let out another moan as he licked all around my boy-hole, his tongue sometimes trying to push its way inside it. I enjoyed the feeling and tried not to overthink anything. He had me so turned on that I was breathing hard, moaning often, and wanting more.

Then he brought a finger to my hole, moved it around a little and pressed it against it as he started playing with my erection again. His finger popped into my ass and I moaned hard when he moved it back and forth a little, still holding my cock in his mouth. It felt so different, so sensitive down there. His tongue and his finger was driving me crazy and I ached for release when he suddenly pushed his finger deeper inside my rectum. He slid it back and forth a few times and moved it around. As he lowered his mouth onto my cock, his finger hit a spot inside me and he rubbed it. I felt myself going over the edge instantly. My body stiffened and I gasped several times before cumming in his mouth... again. My body kept quivering as I shot in spurt after spurt, feeling like my orgasm would never end.

When it finally did, Rob released my cock and the last few drops finally dribbled from the end. He kissed it tenderly a few times and came back up to lie on his back next to me.

"That was just so fucking hot!" he giggled still breathing quite heavily and wiping some of the cum he had on his cheek.

I laughed,

"Fuck, what did you just do to me?"

"That was your prostate, pretty cool hum?!... Maybe you were not quite ready for that but I couldn't help myself!"

"Are you kidding! I've never shot like that, it was fucking amazing!"

"I know, right!" he chuckled.

"You're just doing this to make me wanna do do it again," I complained jokingly.

"Is it working?" he asked with a mischievous grin on his face that made me chuckle.

"Bloody hell, so far, you're giving the best blowjobs I've ever had," I answered.

He turned to me and placed his hand on the side of my face and spoke softly, his lips only millimeters away from mine. I could feel his breath and my cum on his lips and he was just so hot,

"Well, so far, you're the best sex I've ever had, you make me feel so good!"

I placed a kiss on his lips and when I pulled back I responded,

"Let's just keep having sex and see where it takes us," and he smiled. "cause I know I'm gonna want to do that every fucking time we end up alone together."

"Music to my ears," he responded seductively.

And then he seemed to realize something, he looked at the clock,

"Fuck, we have to meet the guys at Damon's place in half an hour."

"Really? This early?" I had completely forgotten about that and frankly, it was the last thing on my mind.

"Yeah, we said we'd meet at noon to rehearse," he confirmed, "we should get ready."

"Oh man, it's gonna be tough to concentrate today," I sighed.

"Hey, let's not behave any differently around them!" he said.

"Of course, what d'you think I'm gonna do? Kiss you?" I joked. "Rachel's gonna be there I think."

"I know..."

"Shit, it's too complicated. She's gonna sense something's wrong," I said, a bit worried; I knew her, if she felt I was behaving differently, she was going to notice.

"Just act normal!"

"Easy for you to say. After what just happened, I don't know how I'm gonna act around her." I said worriedly. "You don't mind?"

"No, I told you, I'm not asking you to break up with her, you can't. I've been seeing you with her for two years, I can handle it."

I sort of felt bad hearing him say that.

We got ready and quickly left with our guitars. When we arrived, the guys were already there, and so was Rachel. She came over to me, and gave me a kiss. I just asked her how she was doing and we started setting up our instruments to rehearse. I was relieved when she came over to me and told me she was going to go shopping and hang out with her friends In Dublin and that they'd go straight to the club for the gig.

"Alright, have fun, I'll see you tonight," I said giving her a kiss.

She smiled at me brightly. "It's gonna be so awesome!"

We rehearsed and hung out all afternoon and left for Dublin to set up our equipment in the club before it opened to the public.

Little did we know that this performance would be the starting point of our career.

When we started playing, we were greeted by a crowd that already knew us and the lyrics to our songs. We knew we generated an online activity and that we were starting to have a larger following thanks to social media, but we but we hadn't expected this. We played a few covers nonetheless, but we played more of our own songs. We felt more and more ready to play them live. We were starting to find our voice and our sound and we were venturing into the real world.

This gig was our first real breakthrough and it was exhilarating to have the entire crowd sing back to us and be so enthusiastic. This live show was so much better than the ones we had played before because it seemed like the crowd was actually composed of fans and they'd arrived already knowing the songs and ready to sing them. It was astonishing to us. Rob was having a great time singing, he was enjoying every second of it, we were all having so much fun!

When we began playing a song we had called "Shiver", Rob looked at me and smiled. The five of us had written the song together, but I remembered it was mainly Rob who had written the lyrics. It was supposed to be about a girl. We always tried to write about personal things but with a detached approach, so that it wouldn't be too awkward or personal for Rob to sing them.

However, I realized as he began singing it, that some of lyrics were actually meant for me, and I had trouble concentrating on playing. I listened as he sang,

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention do you
...

But on and on, from the moment I wake
'Til the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me

And from here, I started really listening, I was trying to stay focused, especially when I had to play a riff near the end, but I listened to him intensely, as if I was hearing the lyrics for the first time. He sang it so powerfully because he knew I could understand his message now, releasing all the frustrations he had to endure, not being able to tell me how he felt. His performance was perfect. It was so revealing.

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
And it's you I see
But you don't see me
And it's you I hear
So loud and so clear

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

When the song ended, he saw me looking at him. He came over to me to get ready for the next song, and I faked having something to tell him. He brought his ear to my mouth.

"I do see you," I whispered.

He locked eyes with me for a second and smiled knowingly. Then, he slowly went back to where his mic was and I watched him as he began singing. He looked so good. He was so hot, masculine and confident. Yet, you could tell by watching him perform that he was also sweet, passionate funny and sensitive, which made him so attractive to everyone. He was such a crowd-puller.

I tried to focus on my instrument again but as we began playing another song, all I could think about was Rob and the fact that I was falling for him...hard.

We played a few more songs and when we walked backstage, Jordan placed his hands over my shoulders and shook them roughly.

"Oh my fuckin' god, Mark! I can't believe we didn't mess that one up!" he laughed, talking about the last song we had played before walking off, because we had never managed to play it right from start to finish in rehearsals.

"You know what?" Damon asked as he watched the crowd that was calling us back on stage, "I think it's alright to make them wait this time."

"Enjoy it," a stage-hand said to us. "You deserve it! You guys fucking rocked the stage."

I turned to Rob, he was beaming as we listened to the crowd cheer for us. We grinned at each other and the look on his face gave me a warm feeling in my stomach. I wanted to feel close to him and I could tell he felt the same way. He stepped closer to me and I pulled him toward me. We hugged each other hard and grinned happily.

"You did great," I told him. "You were amazing."

"I was, wasn't I? I loved every second of it."

As we hugged, I saw Rachel watching us with a broad and happy smile on her face. She was genuinely happy and proud of us. I smiled back at her. I knew she was waiting for Rob to let go of me so she could have her moment with me as well. She wasn't even suspicious at all. There was nothing unusual. We were often very tactile with each other.

For a few seconds, Rob held me a bit tighter and before letting go of me, he whispered into my ear,

"I'm glad you're paying attention to me now ... cuz I don't wanna wait anymore."

I closed my eyes for a brief second. I almost wanted to say something back to him but he had already let go of me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the stage,

"Let's not make them wait any longer," he said to all of us and we walked back onto the stage to play a couple more songs.

 

[unilivewilliam]

CHAPTER 3

We could have gone on playing for hours but after a couple more songs, we had to end the gig.

"Ok, guys," Rob began saying to the people in the audience, "this is the last song that you requested. Thank you so much for being here. We've had the best time, and we hope you've enjoyed yourselves as much as we have."

We played a U2 cover that everyone sang along to, giving us goosebumps, and then, we went into the pit to meet our growing fan base and engage with them. Everyone was super excited to be talking to us and for a long moment, we were surrounded by fans, which of course, was a real buzz. We signed a few autographs, shook hands with the boys, hugged the girls and took pictures with them.

Being the singer and frontman, Rob was, as always, getting the most female attention. He was literally surrounded by a bunch of giggling girls who wanted to touch him, hug him and even kiss him. He'd always seem to enjoy it but for the first time, I really focused all my attention on how he interacted with them. He was nothing but sweet but unlike Jordan and Damon who were single and looked pretty determined to make the most of their evening, Rob wasn't acting flirtatiously. He was being nice and respectful but he clearly wasn't trying to get some.

Jordan had been the first one to actually notice this. The past couple of months, he had joked about it several times, telling us that he suspected Rob to be - to quote him - more into dick than pussy. We would always laugh about it and he hadn't really said anything in front of Rob, not in a serious way anyway.

After interacting with the fans for a long moment, I went back up onto the stage to unplug our instruments. Shortly after, the music began playing and the pit became a dancefloor again.

For a few seconds I looked for Rob, unsurprisingly, when I spotted him, he was talking with a bloke and clearly they were into each other. It was the first time I actually noticed Rob being flirtatious with a guy and it was a bit unsettling. I'm sure it had happened plenty of times before but, unlike Jordan, I just hadn't seen it. The bloke had his hand on Rob's lower back, he was leaning close to him and talking into his ear flirtatiously. Rob obviously knew him. I didn't. They were both being subtle, but now that I knew, there was no doubt in my mind that he was gay and that Rob had probably had sex with him before.

Watching them, a wave of emotion came over me and completely destabilized me. I didn't want him to fuck around with anyone in that club. I wanted us to go back to his place and continue what we had started, and I fucking hoped he did too.

I wasn't sure how to make that happen though. I was supposed to take Rachel home and stay over at her place and I knew that if I did that, I'd have to have sex with her. For the first time, I wasn't looking forward to it. All I could think about was how to find an excuse, any excuse to go home with Rob instead of her, but at the same time, I felt really bad for wanting to do this. I couldn't help thinking that it was a pretty shitty thing to do to her and I seriously wondered what I was getting myself into.

I was about to join Rob on the dancefloor when I heard Dylan call my name.

"Mark," he said as I was zipping up my guitar case. "You're not gonna believe this. I was just at the bar, and someone working from BMG started chatting to me!"

I stood up in a flash, realizing right away what it meant. "For real?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah. Said he wants to talk with us backstage," he answered, with excitement in his voice, his hands reaching behind his neck and his lips forming a broad smile.

"Holy fuck, man !" I said, grabbing his arm, obviously thrilled. "This is happening!"

"It is, isn't it!" he exclaimed, still smiling broadly.

"Where is he now? What'd he say to you exactly?" I asked him, talking a lot faster than usual.

"He's still at the bar," he replied as he spun around and looked across the dancefloor.

"What do we do?" I asked, a bit freaked out.

"I dunno," he responded, anxiety in his voice, "but we've gotta stay cool. Come with me, I'll introduce you!"

We walked over to the bar and he introduced himself to me.

"Hello, Scott Darcy, I'm part of the A&R team at BMG," he said as he extended his hand.

"Mark, Mark Emery," I answered, shaking his hand.

"That was a great performance you've just delivered!" he said to me. "Would you two mind getting your bandmates, so we can have a chat backstage?"

"Yeah, of course," I told him.

They were all dancing with a few admirers. We gathered them together to tell them that a guy from a record company wanted to talk to us. They reacted as enthusiastically as I did and we all went backstage to our dressing room. The guy briefly introduced himself again and shook hands with Rob, Jordan and Dylan.

"Did you come here to hear us play?" Damon asked.

"Sort of. I'm in Dublin for a few days," he said with a nod. "I'd heard of this new Irish band making a buzz on the internet that was playing tonight, so I got curious. Glad I did," he smiled. "you boys owned the stage. Were those your songs? Have you written them yourselves?" he asked as we all sat down.

"Yeah, we have," Jordan told him proudly.

"Well, I gotta admit, I'm quite impressed with the quality of your playing. How old are you?" he asked all of us.

"We're all eighteen," Dylan answered.

He just nodded and sort of stared at us for a moment.

"Damn!" he exclaimed loudly, "I fucking love when this happens! You," he said intensely, pointing his finger toward Rob, "you have something that I haven't seen in a young artiste in a while. There's something about you that draws people's attention. You're very charismatic. You have star quality young man, a pretty darn good voice and stage presence, let me tell you."

We all looked at Rob with raised eyebrows. I could tell that he was pleased to hear this. It was probably one of the nicest compliments he had ever received about his singing and performing abilities.

"That's a great advantage you've got here. You need someone like that in a band. And from what I've seen, you're all doing on quite well with your instruments. Despite your young age I was staggered during your performance, no mistakes, so much energy, passion, professionalism too...."

"Thanks," was all we could utter.

"You seem to have attracted quite a fan base already. I mean, you've sold out a venue tonight and the media don't even know you."

Yeah, we had, and we couldn't quite believe it ourselves.

"I'm so intrigued by the five of you," he said, still staring.

We didn't know how to respond. Thankfully, he asked us,

"What do you boys expect from this band you've formed? What motivates you?"

We looked at each other. Damon was the first one to answer,

"We just want to have fun, play music together, we just love it. I mean, we'd love to take it further but right now, we just enjoy playing together whenever we can. Tonight's actually the first time we performed in a place where people had to pay to see us play. We've only played in pubs before."

Rob added,

"Yeah, tonight, we thought it'd only be people coming to the club, to like dance, but as it turned out they were coming for us, " he said, amazed.

"They were!" he confirmed with a nod. "How long've you been playing together?"

Damon continued,

"We live on the same street, we go to the same school, we've been friends forever. We started playing when we were...," he looked at us, "thirteen, fourteen?"

We all nodded, it was around that age.

"That's astonishing! That you've got to this point already. Who writes the songs?"

They all turned to me.

"You?" he asked me.

I chuckled,

"Well, I don't do it all by myself ... but yeah, I guess I write with most of the melodies," I said self-consciously.

"That song you played near the end, "Politik", was it?" he asked. "It's an amazing tune, from start to finish. Absolutely brilliant! That should be released as a single, if you want my opinion. Did you write that song as well?" he asked me.

"He did," Jordan answered for me, punching my arm. "he pretty much writes all the songs. We just try to keep up with him."

"Astonishing!" he reapeated. "I can recognize talent when I see it and you all have a lot of it. You're gonna go far," he stated with confidence. "A great song writer, a great front man, great musicians, a growing fan base... you've got everything. You've got everything you need to sign a record deal."

We all looked at each other, totally thrilled.

"You wanna sign us?" Jordan asked, with the biggest grin on his face.

Rob and I were sitting next to each other. He turned to me and whispered, "Have I been living in some kind of parallel universe since yesterday where all of my dreams come true?"

I laughed and pushed him playfully with my shoulder. I shook my head no,

"It's real, all real!" I confirmed with a smile, he grinned at me and shook his head in amazement.

"Well, that's definitely something that ought to be considered." he answered Jordan.

He then asked us plenty of music-related questions. What type of music we were into, how many songs we'd written, how many gigs we'd played... We were very enthusiastic and he seemed to enjoy that. If anyone started talking to us about music, it was almost impossible to stop us. The atmosphere in the room was relaxed. We chatted with him for a long time until he clasped his hand together and announced,

"Right lads, let's get serious. You realise we don't invest hundreds of thousands of pounds in a group, no matter how talented they may be just after seeing them live once. I, but more specifically the people who might consider investing in you, need to know you better. We need to hear demos of your songs. We need to see if it's good enough to be marketed to a targeted audience. We want to know what motivates you, how hungry you are to make it, how well you get along. We don't want to invest money in a group that is going to give up after a few months because they can't stand each other anymore or because they get so big-headed right from the start that they start to live it up all the time and completely forget what their goals were in the first place. If you wanna make it, you need to throw yourselves one hundred percent into everything that you do. You need to work hard, it's a tough industry. It's not about just having fun. It requires commitment and dedication, because as soon as you stop working, it's over, someone else takes your place. Is this clear in your minds? Are you ready for this? Are you all ready to give up a normal adolescence and going to college, or living every man's life for this band? Do you think it's worth it? Because if you do make it, your lives can change dramatically and you will have to deal with it."

We all looked at each other. He sure had done a good job of describing the harsh reality but of course we still wanted it. I knew I did, I had faith in us.

"I'm even more ready than I was before I stepped into this room," Dylan said and we all agreed.

He seemed happy with that answer.

"Alright then! Well, here's my card," he said as he handed it to Rob.

"Can you tell me at what number I can reach you?"

"Sure," Rob answered and gave him a phone number.

"Alright. I'll call you so we can meet again. We have an office here in Dublin. Please, make a demo of these songs," he begged.

We stood up as he added, "Well, if you don't have any questions, I'll let you get back to the dancefloor."

We thanked him, chatted some more and he left. We all were extremely silent after he'd closed the door behind him.

Dylan spoke first,

"This guy so wants to sign us," he giggled happily. "I didn't know what to expect but that was beyond anything I'd hoped."

"I know! Fucking hell, this is huge, isn't it?'' Rob asked, "I mean this is it! If we record the songs and keep performing live like we did tonight, they're gonna sign us. Did you hear him? He wouldn't have told us all that if he didn't hope to do something with us."

"We're gonna be famous!" Jordan screamed and we all laughed and cheered, genuinely thrilled.

When we went back to the dancefloor, Rachel grasped my arm as soon as she saw me. I was about to tell her about our conversation backstage but she spoke before I could. She was cheerful, obviously a bit buzzed.

"Hon," she said to me, almost laughing, "Lizzie's completely wasted. I've never seen her like this. She puked all over the loo."

"Lizzie?" I asked, surprised. She was Rachel's best friend and she was a pretty well-behaved girl.

"Yes," she nodded, her blue eyes still laughing a little.

"Shut up!"

"I don't know what to do."

"Shit," I said with a laugh, finding this pretty funny.

"She's feeling better now that she's puked, but I can't let her go home like this. Her mum's gonna freak if she sees that she's been drinking."

All of a sudden, Jordan came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and said loudly, "can you believe this? We're gonna be famous," he yelled into her ear.

"What?" she exclaimed happily, trying to turn her head to look at him in the eye. "You are?"

"I haven't told her yet," I said to Jordan and then spoke to Rachel, "we've talked with a guy who works at BMG!"

She opened her mouth and gasped. Then she smiled broadly at me and then at Jordan, and back at me,

"Oh my god! OH MY GOD!" she screamed.

She literally jumped into my arms. She was so happy, she almost had tears in her eyes and her cheerfulness was infectious.

"Oh my god, you guys are serious?" she asked again.

" Pretty brilliant, isn't it? But who knows what's gonna happen? I said, hugging her.

"You know what's gonna happen! You're gonna get signed, how could you not?" she said and kissed my cheek.

I was about to respond but a friend of hers appeared and interrupted us.

"Oh shit, Lizzie!" Rachel said. "How's she doing?" she asked her friend.

"I think we should go," she answered, "and take her home."

"We can't do that. Her mum can't know she's been drinking."

They continued talking about what to do about Lizzie and I very much liked where the conversation was going. They decided that they'd all sleep over at Rachel's house ... which meant that I couldn't.

"We can see each other tomorrow, right?" she asked, feeling bad for dumping me on such an eventful night. She probably thought I wanted to end the night with sex... and I did...

I tried not to let it show but I was thrilled. It meant that Rob and I could be alone, I hoped so anyway.

I hung around with Rachel and her friends until she left the club with them.

"Are you sure you're gonna be alright?" I asked her.

"Yes, don't worry. We can't wait until you guys are ready to leave. We'll be fine. I just hope she doesn't puke again on the bus," she said with a laugh.

"Alright, text me when you get home," I insisted.

"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow," she said and gave me a quick kiss before leaving.

Then, I joined Rob, Damon and Dylan who had started tidying up.

As I climbed onto the stage, Damon looked at his drum kit and passed his hands over his face. "I can't believe we have to take everything back tonight."

I shrugged,

"Do we? The owner didn't seem to mind if we came back tomorrow."

"Yeah? D'you reckon?" he asked, hopeful.

I nodded and then asked,

"Where's Jordan?"

"Useless. He's snogging a girl," Damon informed us.

Rob laughed and leaned closer to me,

"Yeah, he wanted me to do that with him and her apparently, very hot friend."

"And you said no to this?" I whispered jokingly, so Damon and Dylan wouldn't hear.

He chuckled and I couldn't help but ask,

"Who's the bloke who keeps following you around?"

"Nobody," he answered.

"Did you have plans with him?" I asked.

He looked at the dancefloor, as if he was looking to see if he was still here.

"I did," he admitted, "I don't anymore," he added immediately.

I smiled at him,

"Lizzie got shitfaced. She's gonna stay at Rachel's."

He raised his eyebrows inquisitively,

"So, does that mean that you aren't?

I just smiled naughtily. He smiled back, clearly thinking about all the possibilities this new information offered.

"Fuck," he huffed. "there's no way I'm gonna tidy this shit up now. Let's just go."

I couldn't agree more. Just the thought of spending the whole night with him made my heart skip a beat. I still couldn't think of the consequences. I knew I was behaving like a complete asshole by cheating on Rachel, but for some reason, the fact that I wasn't cheating on her with another girl made it less bad, as if it didn't matter as much. It did... but I didn't want to admit it to myself.

"Fuck it," he huffed. "Where's Connor." He asked me. "I'll tell him we'll meet him back here tomorrow to get the gear into his van."

"Must be at the bar," I answered. "I'll tell Dylan. We'll sort a time to get in with the venue."

He nodded and we looked at each other intensely. He smiled and brushed his hand against mine. Then he gave me a friendly hug that only lasted a couple of seconds.

"I can't fucking wait to be alone with you," he whispered before walking away to find Connor, who was Dylan's brother.

Once everything was arranged, Damon insisted on driving all of us back home, which didn't happen for another hour. The drive home was pretty fast and uneventful, we just talked about the gig and made a few bad jokes.

When we finally got to Rob's place, it was after 4am. His parents had their bedroom downstairs so we tried to make as little noise as possible when we came in. We immediately kicked off our shoes and climbed quietly upstairs.

Before we even reached his bedroom, he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him, taking me to the bathroom. Once inside, he gently closed the door and we looked at each other, realizing we were now alone together and we could do whatever we wanted. Although one of us had to make the first move. I knew he probably would have liked it to be me but as much as I wanted to have sex with him again, I wasn't quite bold enough to go for it or tell him straightforwardly.

He gripped my shirt, and again, pulled me closer to him. When my face was an inch away from his, he whispered,

"Is it ok if I kiss you now?"

I didn't say anything but I must have nodded as I stared into his eyes. He clutched my shirt a bit tighter. For a couple of seconds, I felt his breath on my lips. He licked and bit his lower lip.

Fuck," I breathed before he pressed his lips against mine and his tongue went right inside my mouth.

The intensity was still very much there. It felt even stronger - because this time, I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me. Before I knew it, we were making out and there was no stopping us. Kissing him was just as exhilarating as earlier in the day, if not more.

I ran my hand roughly through his hair and drew him close to me. He did the same and we began to spin a little as we kissed, moaning a little with each breath.

He unzipped my sweat-shirt and we stopped kissing to take all of our clothes off.

Then we stepped into the shower. He turned the water on and then his lips slammed against mine again. He rubbed the back of my neck as he kissed me. We didn't speak as he ran his hands along my bare body.

I explored him too; his chest, his arms, his dick, which was as hard as it could be.

Not breaking our lip lock, he reached for the shower gel that was on a built-in shelf. He poured some onto his hand and soaped up my body. I watched the water dripping down his smooth shoulders and when I looked down I could see the water running off of his cock.

I soaped him up as well, running one of my hands up his back while the other one rubbed his tight chest.

He looked down at our cocks, hard as rocks, then looked up at me with a sly grin before he rubbed them together, took them both in one hand and started jerking us off. I swear, I was so tuned on by what was happening that I could have cum just from doing that.

He kissed me again, his hand still massaging our hard-ons.

"Careful, you're gonna make me cum," I told him, breaking the silence.

He smiled and told me to turn around so that he could soap up my back. I did as requested and soon felt him massaging the soap into my shoulders. It didn't last long. He quickly moved lower until his hands were at the small of my back.

I felt his lips start kissing my shoulders and I closed my eyes to fully enjoy the feeling. His hands went lower, until they were soaping up my ass. I couldn't believe how much I loved the feeling of his hands rubbing my smooth, ass cheeks, something no girl had ever done.

Combined with the feeling of his lips descending further down my spine, I was overwhelmed with lust. He was soon kissing the small of my back, grabbing the back of my thighs. I looked down to see my own cock staring back at me. I was so fucking horny. I wanted to start stroking myself again, but felt momentarily paralyzed by the pleasure.

I felt his lips kissing my bottom, and then felt his hands slowly separating my cheeks. He was going for my ass again and I didn't want to stop him.

I felt a finger rub up against my smooth hole, but it was soon replaced with his tongue. I immediately sighed and slumped forward, holding myself up against the wall as he began probing my ass with his tongue.

He obvioulsy loved doing this and I thought that I would soon have to try doing the same to him. I fucking wanted to.

I felt his tongue wiping around my anus, then slowly pushing itself inside. I thought I could hear moaning, and told myself to stay quiet. Once he had gotten his tongue in he started wiggling it from side to side and I pushed back from the wall, hoping to get him to push it further inside. The pleasure was intense and I had to reach down with one hand and start pulling on my dick and I felt him grasp my balls in his hand and he started rolling them around.

"Oh fuck, Rob," I moaned as he started slightly tugging on my balls.

His tongue left my hole and traveled up the crack of my ass back to the small of my back. I didn't want him to stop but was also eager to see what might be next.

His hand moved to my dick and he continued kissing my back, slowly standing up until he was kissing my neck and biting my earlobe.

"Do you like that?" he whispered.

"Yes," I panted, as he stroked my cock.

"Good," he said and brought one of his hand down to massage my butt cheeks.

"You have the best ass," he said sensually. "I'm gonna want to eat you out all the time."

I turned my head around and said, "Fuck, I might wanna do the same to you!"

He looked mildly surprised but soon grinned at me as he wrapped both his arms around me and then roamed his hands over my pecs.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy!" he said. "C'mon, let's go to bed!"

We hurried out of the shower and dried off our bodies before going into his room.

He plopped on the bed and I watched his naked body and his cock smack his tight skin as he exclaimed,

"I think tonight might just be the best night of my life!"

"Really, I thought yesterday was," I joked.

"It was pretty great too," he answered.

I crawled on top of him and I could feel how much he loved the fact that I wanted us to have sex just as bad as he did. We gazed into each other's eyes. He placed his hand on the sides of my face and his expression got more serious as he pulled me into him to kiss me again.

"This must be too good to be true," he said.

"It's not, it's really not," I whispered and continued kissing him. I loved the gentle pressure of his lips on mine. He kissed me with a hunger and intensity that I had never experienced with anyone else, and all I could think about was that I wanted more. I could feel my whole body respond to him. He kept unlocking urges I didn't even know I had.

He held me tight and rubbed his body against mine. Our hands began roaming all over and I buried my face in the crook of his neck, smelling him, discovering how much his scent was turning me on.

Then I my lips began kissing his shoulders as I caressed his chest and pinched his nipples between my fingers.

For a second, I watched him. He looked gorgeous and I found myself wondering why I fancied him so much. I couldn't stop watching his strong chest and arms, his abs and I wanted him bad. I couldn't believe how much my feelings for him had grown in such a short amount of time. But I couldn't fight it.

I didn't know what part of his body to go for so I just pushed my face in his chest and licked, kissed and nibbled at everything my lips came in contact with. I sucked on his nipples and my tongue traveled all around his six-pack, loving how hard it felt.

His cock was leaking like a faucet so I wrapped my lips around his shaft and licked greedily all the precum that was easing out. I soaked his pole with my saliva before engulfing it in my mouth.

As I listened to his moans, my own cock was throbbing and I jerked myself, getting hornier and hornier as I kept sucking him up and down for a moment.

Then, I concentrated on the head and its sensitive area until I felt that I needed more. I took my mouth off of his cock and licked my way up his chest. I stopped to tease one of his nipples but as much as he seemed to enjoy it, it didn't last long. My cock was throbbing and begging for some action. I needed more of him, so much more.

When I reached his face, I kissed his cheek and moved my mouth up to his ear. I licked his earlobe sensually and I couldn't help but whisper passionately,

"I wanna fuck you so bad!"

I really did. I wanted to know how it would feel to be inside of him and I was pretty sure that he was up for that. I was used to fucking a girl but I had to admit that fucking a guy in the ass, especially him, was a huge turn on. I was practically squirming at the idea of having my cock inside his ass.

Again, the thought crossed my mind that this had to be more than just sexual curiosity. I knew I was starting to realize that I was bi, possibly even gay but at that moment, I couldn't question my sexuality more than I already had in the last twenty fous hours.

I briefly looked into his eyes to see his reaction, and he looked right back at me with a passion I had not yet seen in his eyes.

"I wanna be inside of you," I said again.

He moaned,

"Oh fuck yeah!" and kissed me with ferocity, "do it!"

"Turn around," I urged him.

He did and I lowered myself down on the bed and took his ass cheeks in my hands, massaging them and pulling them apart, exposing his hole. I was so excited. I wanted to do to him what he had done to me and I slowly started licking his crack up and down, giving it a tongue bath, making him whimper with desire.

He buried his face into his pillow and moaned. He raised one of his legs on the side to let me access his hole more easily and I teased him with my tongue again, not pushing it in, just gently licking around, driving him crazy.

"Ohhh, yes!" he moaned, several times.

I continued rimming him, applying more and more pressure on his hole. With one firm push, my tongue pushed its way inside and entered his ass and he cried softly and moaned so hard at the intense pleasure of feeling my tongue inside him that you'd think he had cum.

I now knew how good this felt and giving him that pleasure was a huge turn on.

I slowly began pushing my tongue in deeper and then pulling it out, gently fucking and he went wild, grabbing the sheets.

"Oh yeah, feels so amazing, don't stop," he encouraged me.

I then wet my thumb and applied pressure until it popped into him. He groaned, enjoying the feeling, completely surrendering to me. I opened him up with my thumb, sliding it in and out and I couldn't wait to feel my length inside him.

"There's lube in the drawer," he said, breathing hard.

I kissed his lower back and stood up to get the lube. I then poured the lube into my hands and started working into his hole. He groaned as my fingers penetrated him. I used two and worked them both all around the inside of his ass. I slid them in and out, feeling his warmth, until I felt he was ready, which he confirmed,

"I want you Mark, do it!" he urgently told me.

I withdrew my fingers and started lubing up my pole before getting into position. I couldn't wait to enter him, my cock was hard as a rock. He raised his ass a little and I guided the head of my cock in with my hand. He gasped and his hole immediately resisted so I stopped for a second, letting him get used to me. I pushed again and my cock began sliding into him so slowly, opening him up and it felt exquisite.

"Oh God," I panted. "Oh, you feel so good," I could not believe what I was doing but I was enjoying every second of it. His ass was so tight and warm that it could have sent me over the edge quite quickly, but I wanted this to be good for him.

"Oh fuck," he sighed and remembered to breathe when he felt my pubes on his ass.

I didn't move and he started to really get used to me, enjoying the feeling more and more. He turned around and smiled and I leaned down to kiss his lips.

"Oh god, you're so tight," I told him as I wrapped my arm around his stomach, the other around his shoulders and I started moving, holding him tight. I grabbed his pec and twisted his nipple, maybe to send of the pain in another direction.

He groaned and then moaned as I started fucking him gently, withdrawing a few inches and pushing back in. I wasn't sure if it was painful or pleasurable for him, it seemed to be a mixture of both. I started a rhythm and he shuddered almost violently when my cock poked against his prostate.

I must have managed to scrape his prostate again because the same incredible sensation overwhelmed him,

"Oh yeah, fuck me," he almost whined, as I held him tight against me.

"Ohhh, fuck Rob," I moaned, the sounds he was making were turning me on so bad, I wasn't sure how long I would be able to fuck him.

His ass gently massaged my cock. He felt so amazing. The pleasure was intense for the both of us. I was moaning sensually and he kept whining but I knew it was more pleasurable than painful for him.

After a moment, feeling I needed to give my cock some time to calm down, I pulled out of him and made him turn around. He lay on his back and as I watched his cock, still hard and ready to explode. I felt the need to take it into my mouth again. I sucked on the head, teasing him and he moaned, moving his hips a little to fuck my face.

When I stopped, I raised his legs and positioned my cock at his entrance again. I pushed myself easily deep into his ass, looking into his eyes. As he looked back into mine, he shuddered and grabbed the back of my neck to pull me for a sensuous kiss.

"Your ass feels so amazing," I moaned in his mouth.

"Oh god, Mark," he moaned, "you feel so fucking good!"

I kissed him deeply as he held me tight against him to increase the pleasure. I felt like he wanted to feel me against him as much as he possibly could.

My rhythm picked up and after a few minutes, I began to lose control. I was still gentle but there was an insistence to my thrusts now. I grabbed his legs, placed my hands under his knees and pistoned in and out of him, losing myself in the love making as my orgasm started to build up. I began breathing fast and gave him full, regular strokes. He kept roaming his hand up and down my back. For a moment, I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. When I raised my head, he held my face in-between his hands and we kissed urgently.

My cock assaulted his prostate mercilessly and from the erratic sounds he was making, I knew he was going cum before me, or maybe at the same time as me. I closed my eyes and thrust deeper and harder into him as I listened to his moans.

"Ohh yeah, fuck me, ohh God," he moaned, "ohhh, I'm gonna cum, ahhh," he let out a stifled cry.

I quickly reached for his cock and his asshole tightened. He groaned with a look of pure bliss on his face and the cum started flying out of his cock and landed all over his chest and stomach, as well as my hand. I loved feeling him shake and whimper as he had his orgasm.

The intensity of his release was so hot that I felt my balls tightening. The need to unload was strong and I embedded myself into him. My body jerked as I let my orgasm overtake my body, moaning softly as I began exploding in his ass.

Once I stopped shaking and quivering, I collapsed on top of him. We lay like that for a few seconds until he said, smiling, his big green eyes wide. "Now, THAT was the best sex I've ever had, and the best night of my life!"

I let out a laugh and brought my lips over his. We kissed for a moment until I gently pulled out of him.

I cuddled up to him and he held me against his chest. "You okay, I didn't hurt you?"

"Absolutely not! I had you exactly where I wanted you. Damn, this is getting better and better! You're incredible, I love you so much."

I smiled, "I love you too," I said in a low whisper.

He took a deep breath,

"D'you know how much that means to me?"

"I do, and I mean it."

----

The next morning, I woke up before him and just watched him sleep for a bit. He looked so handsome. His dark hair was dishevelled, his lips were full, his skin was smooth and golden, his arms were strong, his black eyelashes looked perfect and I could just imagine how much his eyes, his beautiful eyes burned for me.

Again, I was astonished at how attracted I was to him. I was gonna have to admit to myself that I really wasn't as straight as I thought I was. I thought about how much I had wanted to fuck him and how much I had loved it. I got hard. I wanted to touch him but he was sleeping so peacefully that I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to shower.

When I came back into the room, I was only wearing my boxer briefs and using a towel to finish drying myself. He was awake, lying on his stomach.

He smiled at me,

"Hey gorgeous."

"Hey," I said.

"Am I still in a perfect parallel universe?" he joked.

I smiled,

"Still."

I sat on the bed and he sat up behind me and kissed my shoulders as he wrapped his arm around my stomach.

"Last night was wonderful."

I turned my head and he placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"You know," he added, "I didn't do that with Charlie. I wanted to and I almost did, but now, I'm glad I didn't."

I smiled. I didn't know what to tell him but I felt good knowing I was the only guy who had fucked him.

"You know, I've got news for you!" he announced. "You're not straight!" he exclaimed with a laugh, teasing me.

"Shut up!" I laughed and shook my head. I wasn't ready to get into that with him.

"But I'll let you pretend all you want," he added playfully.

I sighed. "Rachel left me a message. I'm gonna have to see her today."

"Why? Do you really have to go?"

"Well, yeah, cause I'm not gonna see her for a while." I smiled.

"How come?"

"You know, she's leaving on Saturday with her parents for over a month. She'll be back at the beginning of August."

"Awesome!" he grinned.

I laughed. "So I can't exactly say no to seeing her today. I'm gonna have lunch with her and... I don't know..."

"Alright, I'll call the guys, see what they're up to... Maybe you can join us later."

"Maybe. Damon or Dylan should be going back to the club."

I got ready and left. I spent the whole day with her, talking about the gig, about our music and the record deal, about our exams, about her leaving on holiday, about her friends... I really did enjoy her company and we always had something to talk about. She was a great girl and I really didn't want to hurt her.

We ended up having sex. It was nice and comfortable, but nowhere close to the passionate sex that had occurred the previous night with Rob. And I just wanted to get back to him.

 

[unilivewilliam]

CHAPTER 4


As soon as he saw me coming out of the school building, Rob walked away from the people he was chatting with and ran over to me.

"Hey, how'd you do?" he asked, as we had just taken the Maths exam for our leaving certificate.

"Alright, I think. My mind sort of shut down at some point though. I fucking hate maths."

"I don't believe you. Bet it was a piece of cake for you."

After a pause, he said,

"We're all eating out, but then they're going home to study. So you know what that means?"

He sounded hopeful.

"Shit, I don't know if I can," I replied, "my dad's seriously doing my head in. He's having a bunch of friends over this weekend so apparently now I have to cut the lawn and hose down the patio and clean the fucking barbeque this afternoon."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he complained. "What does he take you for? His slave? Like he can't tidy his fucking garden himself. They're his fucking friends."

I shrugged. I was so used to it.

"Tell him you have to study for tomorrow," he suggested.

I stared at him with raised eyebrows. He knew my dad didn't give a shit about that.

He laughed,

"Well, I dunno, tell him to fuck off then."

I shook my head.

"If you don't have the cheek to tell him that, then let me do it!"

"Careful. That might backfire on me."

"Come on, we can play and write," he spoke slowly and temptingly then paused before continuing, "and fuck, and play and write and fuck."

I let out a chuckle,

"Sounds like the perfect afternoon!" I smiled and gazed at him.

"And night," he said.

For a few seconds, his eyes were locked onto mine.

"I want to kiss you so bad right now," he said sensuously. He took a quick glance around to see if anyone was close and then gripped my jacket, "you look so good in this."

I smiled,

"Are you trying to give me a boner?" I asked jokingly.

"Yeah. Then you might decide that clearing out the garden isn't how you wanna spend your day," he said, then looked over my shoulder as a girl was calling his name. He let go of my jacket, looking disappointed and we watched as she and her group of friends walked over to us cheerfully.

"Heard you guys are playing on Saturday night?" one of them asked.

"Yeah," Rob replied, "you're coming this time, right? Tell me you're coming," he insisted with a smile.

She smiled back flirtatiously at him,

"Yes, of course, we won't miss it this time. I can't believe we missed last week's gig. Everyone's talking about it."

"We told you to come, didn't we?" he said and winked at her.

She pouted and gave him a plausible explanation as to why she hadn't been able to come to our gig at the club.

We chatted with them for a moment until we ran out of topics to talk about. As they began walking away, I asked,

"Why d'you keep flirting with them?"

He laughed,

"'Cause they like it and it strokes my ego," he joked.

"You do realize that they think it's weird you haven't fucked any of them - especially Kerry."

He shrugged,

"They think I'm too hot for her," he said with a laugh.

"Dumbass!" I laughed, "You're not too hot for her," I teased, "she's too hot for you! Kerry's beautiful."

"Yeah, she is," he agreed with a nod.

"Are you just saying that," I teased.

"No, she's totally gorgeous," he said sincerely. "I can appreciate her beauty. Doesn't mean that I want to do anything about it."

I nodded and suddenly realized that I was beginning to feel the exact same way and that he had put into words what I was still struggling to understand.

------

We had planned on performing in a pub on Saturday night to kind of celebrate the end of our exams. This time, we wanted to have the whole performance filmed and recorded so the five of us had planned on spending the evening together to rehearse on Friday night.

I first went to Rachel's to say goodbye to her as she was leaving on the next day. Then I went back to Rob's place before we had to go meet the guys. I entered the house and saw that Charlie was there, talking with Rob and standing a bit too close to him – for my liking.

"Shit!" I thought, ''Am I jealous?"

They both looked at me when I came in and I felt a bit awkward, wondering if I was interrupting something.

"Hey," I said to them, studying their attitude.

"Hey," Charlie said, moving away from Rob and fidgeting a little. I had never really paid attention to him but, as I watched him, I thought he was actually very good-looking.

He turned to Rob again and said, searching for his words, "so... will you come over later tonight though?... for that thing I've got to give back to you.... You can come over and pick it up around eight, is that alright?" he said, obviously lying.

"Yeah, sure," Rob smiled and nodded.

"Alright, cool," he winked, staring at him flirtatiously as he took a few steps back.

Then, he turned around and walked toward me. "See you later, Mark."

"See ya," I answered, my tone of voice making it clear that I thought he was acting weird.

Once he had shut the front door, I looked back at Rob,

"Come over tonight?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"He wants to fuck," he said, as if I hadn't understood.

"Yeah, I got that!"

He laughed. "Too bad you walked in!" he said in frustration.

I didn't say anything. I was pretty sure he was only teasing me. As much as I wanted to play his game, I wasn't really able to.

"Are you gonna go?" I asked, unsure.

"I might," he shrugged, playing it cool.

"Is he really that good?" I joked

He smiled, teasing me,

"You jealous?"

I might have let it show, but I answered seductively,

"No. But why would you want to have sex with him when you can sex with me?"

He shrugged again,

"Why would you want to have sex with Rachel when you can have sex with me?

Well played, I thought,

"Not the same. He's just a fuck buddy to you."

"A very good one!" he said, thinking about Charlie.

"And I've been avoiding Rachel all week. I think she's been noticing."

He laughed,

"You're adorable," he told me, giving me a peck on the lips, "don't worry, I was telling him I've been too busy lately. I'll text him later and tell him I can't go."

I just gave him a look that said it all.

"So, how were the goodbyes? Did she cry? Told you she'd call you every day?" he said over dramatically.

"No, I tried to make it quick... let's go," I replied, to change the subject.

"Yeah!"

---

The whole month of July went by in a flash. We played gigs several times a week, attracting an even larger following, worked on our songs as often as possible and met with the record company.

Rob's father agreed to talk to them for us if it was necessary. He had agreed to act sort of like a manager for as long as we didn't have one. He was a great man, just looking at him, I knew who Robbie had inherited his charisma from. He was so funny and did one-man shows in pubs, or small theaters in his free time.

He had discussed our situation with the label and it was decided that we would start recording our first album but also start College in October. Therefore, we enrolled in Trinity College in Dublin but it was more to make our parents happy. They didn't want the band to take over any academic thing. I guess they didn't want us to be too disappointed if things didn't go as planned. They saw the band as a hobby, and didn't want it to monopolize too much of our time. They wanted us to go to College to have some kind of academic background in case we'd fall flat on our faces.

Although the A&R team at BMG had told Rob's father that we were a band with great potential and they had faith in our ability to 'make it' as they'd say they especially wanted us to perform live as much as possible because it was our strength and it was the best way to attract journalists, to get critiques in music magazines and to be taken seriously.

They wanted us to work and improve our best songs with professionals. They had big hopes for three songs, which they believed would work very well to start promoting the band to a targeted audience, which would be 18 to 30 year olds, male and female, who listened to rock.

They had signed us for two albums and we were going to start recording these three songs in the studio at the beginning of August. They were putting a lot of pressure on us. We knew we were damn lucky here. I was sure it did not happen this easily for over 90% of the bands out there. Everything was happening at astonishing speed for us.

It was late July, we were lying in bed after having done nothing but write music and have sex all day in my bedroom, my parents being away in France, for the first time, without me. With what was happening between us, we felt inspired all the time and the music just kept flowing. The sun had already started to rise by the time we settled down to sleep.

We were sweaty and exhausted, having both cum for the third time in a few short hours. Our first fuck had been absolutely amazing and had been triggered by lyrics we had written and then me telling him that I loved him.

"Move onto your back," he told me while we were having sex.

Obeying him, I pulled out of him. I rolled and he straddled my cock, facing toward my feet. I grabbed the base of my cock and he lowered himself down onto it, making us both moan softly the entire time.

Then he began to rock back and forth and I watched my cock slide in and out of his ass, loving the view.

"Oh yeah, right there, fuck, fuck," he panted and I saw the muscles in his back twitch as he stroked his own cock.

Then he laid against me until his back was resting on my chest. He bent his knees slightly on either side of me and began fucking himself on my cock. The extreme body contact was driving me so wild that I had to grip his hand tight.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he moaned. His other hand reached above him until it was grasping me behind my head. I stared at the bulge of his bicep and inhaled his scent that still turned me on so fucking much. I enjoyed the feeling of his weight on top of me as I cupped his pec and rolled his nipple between my fingers.

"Oh, Rob, fuck!" I gasped as he continued to fuck himself hard against me.

"You gonna blow?" he panted.

"Yeah," I moaned, feeling my climax come closer and closer.

"Do it," he responded. He started working my cock even faster and I could feel him quicken the pace on his own cock. My need to cum was so overwhelming that I was practically whining as I felt my balls tighten in preparation for my orgasm and my cock started tingling.

"Ohhh yeah," I moaned as I felt the cum shooting out of me, feeling like it wasn't going to end any time soon.

Rob groaned and I felt his ass tighten around my cock before he began to cum as well.

"Oh, Fuck, Mark," he whimpered as his jizz ripped out of him.

I looked over his shoulder to see the first load pumping out of him and hitting him on the shoulders, and even on his face. He continued pumping his cock and moaning until his chest was covered in cum. The jizz on his shoulder dripped off of him and landed on my chest.

Slowly, he stopped moaning and rocking himself on my cock.

"Oh, man!" he sighed, releasing the grip he had kept on my head, "That was so good, so fucking good. You're the best!"

----

Now here we were, a few hours later, having done it again.

I rolled off Rob, and he slowly lowered his legs back down onto the bed. I saw him wince a bit as he turned on his side to face me.

"You ok?" I asked as I wiped the cum I had shot all over his stomach with a towel.

"Yeah," he answered. "I guess that's just what I get for being such a hungry bottom."

It was the first time he had ever used the word when we were together. I didn't like it. Not because of the word, but because it was a reminder that he was always giving himself to me and I wasn't giving myself to him.

"We probably shouldn't do that twice in a row like that," I said, feeling bad now that the moment had passed. I shifted one hand under, and one hand over him, kissing his lips. I brought my hand down to his ass and massaged his cheeks. He smiled at me and closed his eyes. I brought a finger to his hole, which was still open and slick with lube. I traced my finger along the outside of his anus, hoping it would soothe him.

"You're gonna get me all worked up again," he said quietly.

I wanted to ask him why he loved bottoming with me so much when it wasn't something he had ever done with the guys he'd been with before but I could tell he was drifting off to sleep. For now, I was content to go to sleep as well but I knew I would soon have to grow a pair and reciprocate.

Indeed, since Rachel had left on holidays, we'd had sex every day, sometimes several times a day, but he had never fucked me. He had played with my ass, massaged my prostate and given me as much pleasure as he could but he had never taken it further, never even asked if he could fuck me and I didn't really offer.

He was always willing to let me do him and I could see how much he enjoyed it. We hadn't fucked every time we'd been together, but when we had, he'd always acted first. He'd lube up my cock or tell me he wanted to feel me in him. I always made sure he came as hard as he possibly could, spending him, fucking him hard, gently, fast, lovingly, slowly, however he wanted it, but deep down, I knew that it wasn't enough and that I needed to give him more than that. I knew that he didn't want to make me do anything that I was uncomfortable with and I loved him even more for it. He was taking things slow to make sure that I'd want to do it again - to make sure that I'd like it. He was right, I still didn't feel super comfortable with the idea of bottoming and I absolutely loved being on top... but so did he and I felt bad for denying him the pleasure.

----

It was now mid-August. Rachel was back and I had just been with her. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. What was I supposed to do? Tell her as soon as she got back,

"Hey, I've been fucking Rob for a month while you were away so now, I'm gay. See ya, this was fun..."?

I mean, it couldn't hurt her like this. I loved her. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was one of my best friends too. I was so confused and tormented, I just didn't know what to do, whatever I'd decide, I'd end up hurting one of the people I loved the most in the world.

Rob understood why I still hadn't broken up with her. He had even said that he didn't care if I continued to have sex with her as long as we could still be together once in a while, but I knew he was lying. He wanted us to be more than just fuck buddies and he kept avoiding Rachel as much as possible, to not have to see me with her.

For a couple of weeks, I behaved like a complete asshole and had sex with both of them. Although we were so busy with the band that I did manage to not be alone with Rachel that much and we'd only had sex twice.

"Alright, I'll be home soon," Rachel said to her mother over the phone as she sat down next to me. We were hanging out with Jordan, Dylan and a couple of other friends on a Sunday afternoon.

"My mum's making her famous Sunday carvery so you're invited over for dinner. You can come, can't you?" she asked me as she sat back down next to me.

Before answering, I looked over at Rob for a brief moment. He was playing cards with a friend of ours but he'd heard.

"Sure," I nodded and Rob turned around to look at us. He didn't let anything on but I could tell he would have prefered me to go home with him, or at least to not leave and stay at Jordan's.

"Why aren't we invited too?" Jordan joked. "I love your mum's carvery."

"Cause I'm not dating you," she shot back.

"You wish," he teased her, which he would always do.

"I'm out of your league Jord, get over it, I've got the looks AND the brains," she shot back and I laughed.

Rachel would always put him back in his place in a smart way. She was probably the only girl who was not falling for Jordan's womanizing ways. Maybe just because she saw him more as a brother than a potential boyfriend. She was so right though, Jordan tended to go for hot but dumb girls, whom he could easily manipulate and Rachel was from from dumb. She was very intelligent, super artistic and so pretty, which I loved about her.

So here I was, hanging out with her after dinner. We mucked around, we laughed, we listened to music, we talked about our friends, about the band, about some of the drawings she had recently created using only lines and when the moment came and we began making out, the best I could say was that I wasn't into it. I tried and we did have sex but I could tell that she noticed something was off with me. I found an excuse to go home shortly after it was over, feeling miserable.

I walked very slowly down the street, lost in my own thoughts, confused and riddled with guilt, having no idea what I was going to do. When I got to my place, I decided not to go over to Rob's. I couldn't. I felt too overwhelmed with what was going on in my love life and I needed some alone time to figure things out in own head. All that I knew was that I had to make a decision and be true to myself. I sat on the concrete steps leading up to the front door for a few moments. I looked up at the sky and was surprised by how bright the stars were so I stared up at them for a while.

When I eventually walked inside, I jogged upstairs to avoid having to face my father, who was back from France.

"Eh, tu crois peut-être que c'est un hotel ici!" he yelled at me in French, telling me that his house wasn't a hotel.

I ignored him and locked the door behind me, hoping he would leave me alone. He did.

I lay on my bed for a long time as I tried to figure out what I was going to do, I felt so bad for cheating on Rachel and I knew I would soon have to tell her the truth, I realized, the only thing that could help me feel better at that point was to lose myself in music and write. So that's what I did. My dad didn't want me to play in the house in the evening and I knew that might make him mad, but at that moment, I didn't give a shit.

All I had was an old acoustic guitar, all of our other instruments being either at Rob's or at Damon's. I began strumming the guitar as quietly as possible. I wasn't really thinking about anything or anyone. I tuned it differently several times. It lasted for long moments before a melody started to emerge and then the magic happened. The song seemed to just write itself. I mean, I knew I was there, writing it, but it felt like it came from above and it felt amazing.

As I began thinking of lyrics all I could think about was Rob. It became evident as soon as I wrote the first few ideas down that I was going to write a song for him. Again, lyrics came pouring out of me and by the end, it felt like the song was my way of telling Rob how my whole life had changed because of him, for him, for us.

It was two am when I finally put down the guitar and notepads and went to bed, at peace with myself.

The next day, I went home with Rob after having spent a few hours working on our music with Damon, Jordan and Dylan. As we were chilling in his room, I started playing the melody.

"I wrote a song last night," I said.

"You did?" he asked, surprised.

I didn't look up at him, just softly strummed the guitar as I said,

"Yeah, in two hours it was done. It sort of wrote itself really. It felt incredible. I love it when that happens."

"What's it about?" he asked me, sitting next to me on the floor. We were both resting our backs on the end of the bed.

"Well... you, mainly. Just trying not to make it too obvious though," I said softly, looking up at his gorgeous face.

"Me?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah. I've been writing a few songs about you lately." I admitted. They weren't really full written songs, just lyrics and tabs scribbled here and there whenever I thought of him.

He smiled broadly. "You wanna sing it to me?" he asked, knowing very well that I might not want to do that.

"I dunno, I don't like doing that," I smiled self-consciously, I've never been a show-off type of guy.

"Come on," he begged. "Just pretend I'm not here."

I hesitated but the pleading look in his eyes soon made me cave,

"Alright!" I agreed reluctantly, but added as I looked into his eyes, "don't say anything!"

"I'm not even here!" he joked, pushing himself up from the floor; he laid on the bed, his head not far from my shoulder, looking at the ceiling.'

I laughed,

"Ok, here goes," and I started playing again. The main lyrics went like this,

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And everything you do,

Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,

I wrote a song for you,

And all the things you do,

And it was called Yellow.

.....

Your skin,

Oh yeah your skin and bones,

Turn into something beautiful,

Do you know,

You know I love you so

.......

He remained silent when I stopped playing. I turned my head to see his reaction.

He rolled onto his side and smiled,

"That goes on the album!"

I chuckled,

"No way, it's too personal."

"Are you kidding? It's amazing. And it could be about anyone. You just feel it's personal 'cause you know who you wrote it for. The melody's so good."

I smiled, glad that he had liked it so much, but I didn't respond.

After a moment of silence, he asked admiringly,

"How do you do it?"

I shrugged and played it for a bit longer,

"I dunno, it was easy. There's nothing complicated about the chords. They're quite simple. I just played with the tuning."

"The simplest melody are always the best ones. I don't know how you do it." he said. "How can you create a whole song like that, so easily, you're a musical genius!"

"You can do it too!" I reminded him.

"Not like you, no," he said, shaking his head, ''it's like you're sucking something from the air. Something in you is hearing nothing, and making it into something! That's amazing."

I smiled,

"Yeah, it feels like that sometimes."

"Why the word 'Yellow'?" he asked, as I repeated it several times throughout the song, and it sort of acted as a key word.

"I don't know, why not? For the stars maybe, they were super bright last night," I smiled, "or for you own personal sunlight," I added in a whisper, looking up at him.

He smiled and caressed my shoulder and a thought struck me that it was probably for the light he brought in me.

I gave a slight shrug. "I was missing a keyword in the lyrics. Could be the title."

I started playing chords again. He listened and when I stopped playing, he said,

"I thought you were with Rachel last night.

"I was," I confirmed softly, "but I didn't stay long."

I was quiet for a moment, as I thought about what had happened with her the night before. I was still struggling emotionally but my decision was made.

"I'm gonna break up with her," I finally told him, with a determined tone in my voice.

"Are you?" he asked, a bit of hope in his voice that he couldn't quite hide.

"I can't keep doing this," I answered in a whisper.

"What happened last night, did you have sex with her?" he asked, knowing the answer, but probably wanting me to say no.

"Yeah. But I didn't want to, I could barely get hard," I sighed, "and when I went down on her, I fucking wanted her to have a dick between her legs," I said with a totally hopeless tone of voice and he let out a laugh, before he actually broke out laughing full-on.

"C'mon, dude. Don't laugh, it's not funny. It's so bad!" I said as I shook my head.

But his laughter was infectious and I started laughing with him.

As he was laughing, he slid off the bed to lay down on the floor beside,

"Oh jesus, I'm imagining it and it's not pretty."

"Stop it!" I ordered but he couldn't.

I placed the guitar on the floor next to me and straddled him.

"Stop laughing," I repeated, tickling his sides.

"I'm trying," he laughed and tried to turn around on his stomach to get me off of him.

He hated being tickled and I'd always get a kick out of tickling him until he'd beg to stop. As kids, it was something I always did to get whatever I wanted out of him.

"Hey," he yelled. "You know I don't mess around with tickling."

I laughed at him,

"I don't mess around with tickling," I repeated, making fun of him.

"Alright, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. But the way you said that," he said, trying to regain his composure, "I wanted her to have a dick between her legs'," he repeated, shaking his head.

I let out a loud huff and chuckled.

"I'm gay," I said shaking my head, as if I was finally admitting it to myself.

"Yeah, you are," he confirmed.

"I'm fucking gay," I repeated, actually feeling relieved to be able to say it out loud.

Rob stared at me but didn't say anything. He wasn't laughing anymore.

"You know I thought I was at least bi, but now, I think you've just turned me gay," I announced, looking into his eyes.

He nodded his head. "Yeah!" he exclaimed. "I'm THAT good," he stated proudly.

I gazed at him with a smile on my face.

"Your ego's doing alright?" I joked.

"Better than ever," he replied with a laugh.

"Fucking hell," I laughed.

"Hey, don't blame it on me. You're gay because you want to be."

"Well, because of you! Cause it's just so damn good with you!" I told him, faking annoyance.

"Hey, look, I did you a favour. You would have realized when you were forty and married with three kids that something was missing in your sex life," he joked.

I chuckled,

"You're probably right."

"What are you gonna tell her?" he asked more seriously.

"I dunno," I sighed. "The truth I guess."

"Wow, you sure that's a good idea?" he asked, concerned. "Just tell her you cheated on her, that's the truth. She doesn't need to know more than that."

"She's gonna want to know more. And I owe it to her. She doesn't deserve to be lied to like that."

He thought about it. "What if she gets so upset that she tells everyone to get back at you?"

"No, she won't do that!" I stated, confident that she wasn't like that.

"You don't know what girls can do when they have their hearts broken. And she can be a bit wacky like that."

"She won't do that," I repeated. "and lying to her would be pointless. I know she'll be able to see it on my face. It's easy to see when I'm lying."

"Well, I guess you know her better than I do. I hope we can trust her. Do whatever you think is best."

"Shit, I don't wanna have to do this," I sighed, dejected.

"Yeah, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes!"

"Thanks for your support," I chuckled and faked wanting to cry, "I hate this so much. I don't wanna hurt her and this is gonna hurt her so bad."

"She'll understand," he said softly.

"Yes, she will," I nodded my head.

We both knew she'd understand,

"But I'm about to shatter her world into pieces and I hate myself for it."

"You can't stay with someone just to make them happy."

I sighed,

"You know I bet she's gonna want to talk to you," I told him, knowing very well that she wouldn't let me go without a fight.

"Great, can't wait! She's gonna hate me so much," he said apprehensively.

"How anybody could hate you is beyond me," I smiled.

"Oh, but she will!" he said with nod.

I raised my eyebrows and sighed. I rested my head against the bed and closed my eyes. After a short moment, I felt his gaze on me so I opened them again and smiled at him. He looked at me with need,

"I can't believe I've got you!"

I let my eyes slip up and down his body,

"Believe it," I murmured.

I moved so that I was sitting on his thighs and he placed his hands on my hips as mine travelled up his arms, to each side of his face.

"You know what?" I asked, "I really feel ok being gay. As long as I've got you with me," I told him sincerely and kissed his lips with a bit of intensity.

He kissed me back for a moment,

"I'll always be with you, for as long as you want me to be."

I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts,

"I think I've finally come to terms with what I feel for you. I know you want a real relationship, and I think that's something I can give you now. I know I don't want just sex from you."

Our eyes locked and we became lost in each others'.

"I want you so much right now," he said with a passion in his voice I found irresistible.

There was a short silence,

"Well you're gonna love what's coming then," I smiled.

A puzzled expression danced across his face.

I kissed and licked his lips softly and whispered,

"I wanna do it," I told him, "I want you to fuck me."

I could tell his heart melted,

"Well aren't you full of surprises tonight?"

I giggled at his tone of voice.

That was it. I wanted it. Finally feeling able to say out loud that I was gay made the whole idea of bottoming incredibly enticing. I was now craving to feel his dick inside of me. I wanted it so bad. I needed to feel his length slide in and out of me and see if it was as enjoyable as it seemed to be for Rob. It was high time I stopped being a coward and let him fuck me, let him love me.

He pressed his body against mine and pushed me down onto my back before straddling me. I pulled him in for a kiss and reached under his tshirt to pull it over his head. As he took it off, my hands travelled down to the waistband of his jeans. Rob understood what I wanted to do and raised himself up to give me enough room to unfasten the button and zip then he pressed his chest against mine again. We both moaned with need as we kissed and I slid my hands across his smooth ass cheeks, feeling them tighten under my touch.

Then, my hands left his ass and I caressed him. Everything about him was tight. His arms, his back, his stomach and chest. My hands roamed all over him, feeling his smooth golden skin.

He kept kissing me passionately as I caressed him, his hand roaming over my chest under my tshirt.

Then he sat up and grabbed my arm. I raised myself up and he pulled my t shirt over my head urgently. He stood up to remove his jeans and underwear and I did the same as I watched his toned gorgeous naked body. My eyes stared at his hard member, ready to fuck me for the first time. I was both eager and apprehensive.

I stepped close to him and placed my hand behind his head, drawing him closer. He wrapped his hands around my back and as we resumed kissing as we fell on the bed facing each other.

Our cocks started to rub up against each other. Before I knew it we were working ourselves into a rhythm, totally in tune with each other's bodies. I could feel the wetness on my stomach, as our cocks began moving faster and faster. I humped myself against him harder. His hand slid in between my ass cheeks and his index finger slid up against my hole.

"Oh," I moaned, feeling his finger enter me and savouring the feeling.

He slid it back and forth a few times giving me what I was craving for but took it out too soon to reach for the lube. His hand soon returned to my ass and he opened me up again, sliding one and then two fingers into me, as he held me tight against him and listened to me sigh in delight. He used his lubed fingers to gently but firmly to stretch my sphincter.

"Feels good," I moaned in his mouth.

He panted, "I want you so bad."

"I know."

"I love you," he sighed.

"I know, I love you," I repeated, "take me, I want it."

He smiled. "You're gonna love it!"

He was right, I was going to love it. He had eaten me out enough times to make me crave the feeling of his tongue or finger probing my ass. I absolutely loved cumming with his fingers massaging my prostate and his tongue working its magic on my cock and now I was so ready for more. I was still apprehensive because of his size and thickness but there was such a level of intimacy between us that I knew it would make the experience exceed any other feeling I'd ever had. I needed him to dominate me and make me his.

He pushed me onto my back and took my throbbing erection in his mouth. I opened my legs and he applied some more lube to my hole. Two of his fingers reentered me and as he started sliding them firmly in and out, an amazing wave of pleasure started coursing through my body.

He continued blowing me for a long moment, all the while working his fingers up my ass to get me as ready as he possibly could. When his fingers slid out of my hole, he came back up to kiss me and we started another passionate kiss as our mouths crashed together. My legs instinctively wrapped themselves around him and he pressed his body against mine. The feel of his strong body and soft skin against mine was electrifying.

When he pulled back, he raised my legs and I felt his cock slide over my tight hole. My body trembled, so eager to feel him in me that I grabbed the lube and applied it to his cock, smearing it all over. Then I felt the head of his cock brush over my hole again, and in that instant, I knew that I needed him. I needed him bad.

I looked into his eyes, and I knew he could see how much I wanted him. Then my eyes roamed his body. He saw me watching him and smiled lustfully as he leaned down and kissed me lovingly.

"Ready?" he asked quietly.

I nodded my head wordlessly.

He raised my legs, positioned his rock hard member at my hole and started pushing the head gently inside. There was pressure as his cockhead pressed into me. He met with a bit of resistance and he had to push a bit harder to pop the head through my sphincter.

"Ahhh," I let out a groan, feeling him inside me for the first time.

He felt big, and I was tight, but I knew I could take it and I told myself to relax.

"You ok?" he asked, hoping I wanted more.

"Oh yeah, everything's perfect," I sighed and tried to breathe.

He pushed further into me while kissing me, and before long, his cock was fully up my ass and I could feel his balls against my skin. It was uncomfortable, but I didn't feel much pain, his fingers had done their work well.

"Oh, fuck, you feel huge," I gasped.

He gazed at me, almost imperceptibly raising his eyebrows in a question and just as softly, I nodded my head.

Then he did something I hadn't expected. He grabbed my left hand and brought it over my head then he took my right hand and did the same. He laced his fingers through mine making me smile and giggle. He smiled back at me and he started fucking me. Slowly he withdrew, till just the head was inside. Then he pushed back in, slowly making me take him. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling as he penetrated me more and more, one inch at a time.

I panted when he started a rhythm, building the intensity with each thrust,

"Oh fuck... oh fuck," I repeated, glad he was in control, not sure how much more I could take, feeling like I might have wanted to stop if I had been riding him.

"Feels good?" he asked with a giggle, briefly looking at my hard rock cock, pleased that I was enjoying it.

"Yeah good... ohh god," I cried out as he kept withdrawing a little, then pushing back in.

The pain mixed with the pleasure, the thickness of his cock inside me, I felt so full and I gasped with every thrust at the intensity of the experience.

"That's how you've made me feel every time," Rob murmured, his voice full of desire for me.

"Fuck, I know, we should've done this sooner."

"You weren't ready. You are now," he said sensually.

Soon, I felt no more disconfort and when his cock scraped my prostate, my eyes automatically opened wide.

"Oh man," I shuddered and sighed deeply, "I fucking love this."

He smiled, still focused on making it a pleasurable experience for me.

"You're so tight, fuck, you feel incredible," he moaned and kept the same rhythm for a few moments, gently fucking my ass.

He then kissed my lips and I responded by kissing him hungrily. He let go of my hands and they instinctively wrapped around his neck. He then grabbed my legs and whispered passionately,

"Are you ready for more?"

I nodded, mentally preparing myself for it and his rhythm slowly picked up. He closed his eyes, caught up in the moment and, just as I did when I fucked him, his thrusts became harder as he began pistoning into me. I concentrated on the sexy sounds he was making as well as the slapping of his skin against mine, thinking this had to be the hottest sex we'd had, just because he was in control and I was being dominated.

He began kissing me again and seemed to look for a better position to give me as much pleasure as he could. He raised my leg a bit higher and shifted his body a couple of times making me spread my legs wider. We stopped kissing and he began pounding my ass. I gasped and threw my head back as he began assaulting my prostate, making me feel outrageously good. I gripped the sheets and just tried to prepare for the awesome orgasm that was about to rip through my body. Each one of his thrusts elicited a loud moan out of me and I felt like I was nearing to point of no return, when he stopped moving and pulled his cock out of my ass.

"Oh, fuck, why'd you stop?"

"Cause I don't want this to be over yet," he said.

He flipped my body over, applied more lube to my open hole, wiped some of it on his shaft and re entered me, sliding easily into me this time. His raised my leg to the side and I let him slide his arm under my shoulders. I laid flat on my stomach and concentrated on the sensations each time his cock slid in and out of my ass.

"Oh yeah, this feels so fucking good," I moaned and spread my legs wider, so relieved that the feeling is as good as I'd fantasized.

I enjoyed his lips pressed against my neck or my shoulders as he caressed my back. We settled in that position for a moment and he whispered lovingly into my ear,

"You feel amazing, baby. I love you, we are so good together."

It was the first time he had used that word, and I smiled, feeling we had definitely reached a new level in the relationship.

"Ohh, fuck yeah, keep doing that!" I groaned with pleasure as he started speeding up his thrusts, poking my prostate relentlessly again.

The full body contact was driving me crazy so I raised myself a little and he grabbed my hips to begin fucking me doggy. He pounded my ass faster, deeper and harder and I couldn't control my moans as I thrust myself back against him with each stroke.

Then, he slid his hand under me and grabbed my rock hard erection, smearing the precum with his thumb, making me tremble. I groaned and felt the pleasure grow inside my body. He began timing his fucking and his stroking. He kept teasing my prostate and after a short while, I felt myself going over the edge.

"Ohhh, I'm gonna shoot," I almost whined.

"Oh fuck, me too," he moaned, holding his cock all the way inside me.

My body shook as I shot spurt after spurt, soaking the sheets beneath me, feeling like this was definitely one of my top five orgasms.

He pulled back a little and embedded himself into me again as I was cumming, and cried out,

"Oh fuck Mark, yes, oh yeah," as he unloaded inside me.

I could feel every bit of his orgasm as he pushed himself even deeper and his body quaked and shook from the pleasure of cumming in my ass. I realized that I never wanted that moment to be over. I fucking loved feeling him explode inside of me and I knew it was something I would soon be hooked on as I tried to get my head around just how good this had felt.

We panted and tried to catch our breaths as we let our orgasms subside. He stayed in me for a bit but eventually, he gently pulled himself out. We raised ourselves up to a kneeling position and his jizz began trickling out. I turned my head a little. We kissed, as he wrapped his arms tight around my chest.

"I'm never letting you go," he moaned in my mouth.

"That's fine with me," I smiled, feeling so good I could hardly speak.

Then, we lay on the bed for a moment, physically drained of energy but emotionally fulfilled.

 

[bs29697]

Love your story. It's very good

Brian

 

[Autolycus]

Thanks for sharing your story with us - a great read!

 

[bs29697]

Thanks for posting your story. It's really good and the characters are growing on me.

Brian

 

[MusicMan321]

That was a good story

 

[unilivewilliam]

CHAPTER 5


I waited a few days before talking to Rachel. I knew I was going to come out to her, and it wasn't going to be an easy thing to do.

One evening, she called me to find out when we'd be out of the studio and I knew the time had come. I went to her place and told her the whole truth. She was gobsmacked of course. She refused to believe me and asked me a million questions but after a while, it eventually started to sink in.

"How can you do this to me?" she asked.

"Believe me, I wish I didn't have to do this to you. I'm so sorry, I don't want to see you hurt, but I can't keep lying to you."

"You can't be gay, I know you're not!"

"I told you, I am. And I love him. I can't fight it."

"Of course you love him, he's your best friend. That doesn't mean you have to fuck him just 'cause he tells you he's gay" she said, raising her voice. "gee, it's Rob, the guy's gorgeous, look at him! All my friends are in love with him!"

"I AM looking at him."

"Maybe he's messing with your head, because he's sooo... " she couldn't find the right words, but I knew what she meant. "You're just confused 'cause he tells you he loves you."

"Rach, no, he's not messing with my head, and I'm not confused anymore! What we have is not infatuation. I'm in love with him. I love him just as much as he loves me," I said with more self-assurance every time I admitted how I felt.

"Oh come on, would you stop saying that!" she pleaded.

"That's just the truth, and you're gonna have to accept it!" I told her matter-of-factly.

"So, that's it, we're done. Just like that?" she asked, still not wanting to believe it.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. I love you Rach, I really do. I care so much about you, but I don't love you in that way anymore," as I said it I began to wonder if I ever truly had.

"Aren't you gonna change you mind about this?" she asked as tears filled up her eyes.

"I'm not," I answered, reaching over to her to take her in my arms, "I'm so sorry," I told her again.

She cried on my shoulder for a while and I just let her.

"You're gonna be so hard to get over. I always thought I'd marry you someday."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, feeling so sad to end things with her in a way, to hurt her like this.

It was so hard to break up with her, even though I honestly didn't think of her as a girlfriend anymore, but I still considered her as a friend.

After a moment, I told her,

"We can still be friends, when you feel ready. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to hang on to me."

She nodded,

"Well, firstly, you're gay, and secondly, you're with Robbie, I don't think I can compete here." she let out a sad chuckle, "He's fucking lucky! I'm gonna kick his ass!" she said, her voice tearing up.

"Ok, I'll let you do that. He deserves it!"

"He's not gonna know what hit him!" she said as she tried to wipe her eyes.

We stayed quiet for a moment.

"Rach, please, can you... ," I began asking.

She looked up at me with a sigh.

"I won't tell anyone," she responded, understanding what it was I was asking.

"Thanks. I'm not ready to have everyone know."

"Are you at least gonna tell Jordan? He'll understand. So will Dammo and Dylan, you know, I'm sure they will."

I sighed. I knew the next step would be to come out to our friends, and that seemed an even harder thing to do. Although I agreed that they were open-minded enough to accept it, Rob and I hadn't really talked about it but we both knew we would have to do it eventually.

That day came a lot sooner than we had expected though. About a week later, we had been in the studio all day to record some of our already written songs but Rob and I were also working on a couple new songs at the same time and because of the lyrics we had written the atmosphere between us was a bit electric. To make a long story short, we were horny. We had been flirting discreetly for over an hour and we couldn't take it anymore.

Damon and Dylan were about to record a few takes, Jordan and myself were next and as I was strumming my guitar, practicing, Rob walked past me and whispered "I want you" in my ear.

"Guys," he announced. "I'm gonna take a quick break while you record this alright?"

I watched him walk to where he had left his jacket and retrieve something from the pocket, which I knew had to be a packet of lube. My cock immediately twitched at the thought of fucking him and I knew we were not going to be able to wait until the end of the day.

Rob left the room and after only a few short seconds, I told Jordan I would get myself a drink.

"I'll be right back," I said. "Keep practicing, you're so not ready," I teased him, ruffling his hair.

"C'mon!" he complained as he tried to wiggle out of my touch. "Get outta here!"

I laughed. Jordan had a love affair with his hair and he always looked good no matter how he arranged it. So did I actually but I didn't care as much as he did.

He kept playing and I hoped he wouldn't decide to join me.

I headed out of the studio and caught up with Rob where he waited for me, his hand on the restroom doorknob, a naughty smirk on his face. We eagerly walked inside and I closed and locked the door behind me.

When I turned around he placed both his hands on my neck and crashed his lips on mine with a passion I would never tire of.

I wrapped my arms under his and grabbed his shoulders as he kissed me with need. He bit at my lower lip and our tongues roughly played with each other. My cock responded immediately. The kiss got us even more worked up and he moaned loudly when I slipped both my hands under his t-shirt and slightly pulled on his nipple.

"I'm so horny," he moaned in my mouth as I pulled off his t shirt.

"Same here. Please, tell me that was lube you took out of your pocket," I asked him urgently.

He smiled, still licking my lips,

"Oh yeah, you're gonna fuck me!"

I smiled, eager as always, and grabbed his crotch,

"Let me suck on this first!"

I unbuttoned his jeans and slipped my hand in his underwear. I let my knees drop to the floor and took his very hard dick out of his briefs and into my mouth. I worked his foreskin down, exposing the head and I wrapped my lips tightly around the tip before rolling around the head inside my mouth. I tasted his precum and took more of him. He soon slowly thrust his cock deeper into my mouth as he moved his hips to fuck my face. I let him do this for a moment and the more I took, the more I wanted to take. His dick entered my throat and I tried to relax.

"Oh, fuck, yeah," he sighed.

His moans of intense pleasure encouraged me to do it a couple more times and then I started blowing him again, deepthroating him from time to time. My own cock was painfully hard and stuck in my jeans. I kept blowing him while I reached for it and started stroking myself. When he saw me doing that, he made me stand up again and pushed my body closer to the counter edge. I let my jeans fall to my ankles and leaned against the countertop before climbing on it.

He rapidly pulled my t shirt over my head, his hand roamed across my chest. He licked and bit my nipples before wrapping his lips around my cock. I moaned when he started sucking on the head, going down just a few inches before going back up, keeping up a fast rhythm. He took more into his mouth until my cock was buried inside and repeated the action. He blew me for a moment and when he stopped, he brought his lips to mine.

Still stroking me, he murmured sensually,

"Your dick is so fucking hard, I love it!"

"Yeah," I moaned. "that's how much I want you."

"Come on, fuck me with that gorgeous dick of yours," he pleaded with a moan.

I smiled and took his face in my hands. I kissed him intensely and said,

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard!"

"Oh yeah, that's all I've been able to think about all day!"

I stood behind him and he laid himself over the countertop.

"Come on," he laughed, handing me the packet of lube. "fuck me."

I opened it, lubed up my cock and brought my hand to his inviting hole,

"Don't worry about getting me ready, just give it to me."

I obeyed and moved my very hard cock into position and pressed it into him. It was met with a bit more resistance than I was used to and I had to push a bit harder to pop the head through.

"Oohh yeah," he moaned. I pushed further into him and before long my cock was fully up his ass, and I began fucking him - slowly at first.

Then I started to increase my pace, much to his delight.

"Yeah," he moaned. "fuck me, fuck me hard."

I caressed his back, while my eyes were fixed on my cock sliding in and out of his tight hole, turning me on even more.

"You're so fucking hot," he panted, watching me in the mirror focusing on how the muscles in my chest tightened as I fucked him.

I smiled and started to plunge my cock in and out of his hole, causing him to moan wildly each time I re-entered him.

"Oh fuck, Mark," he sighed.

I reached for his cock and pulled it hard, making him whimper and push himself harder against my cock, making all sorts of noises, that let me know he was really loving this. His smooth pole was hard as a rock and I wondered if all gay couples were capable of being as turned on by each other as we were.

Then I held his hips tight and I fucked him hard, listening to the sound of my cock sliding in and out of him.

"Oh God, yes," he squealed in delight.

My hand travelled up his back to his shoulders. I grabbed them and fucked him for all I was worth. He started groaning and reached for his cock. I felt his ass tighten and he went weak, I had to hold him tight as his knees buckled and he shot load after load.

Thrusting into him a few more times, I cried out,

"Oh God, Rob I'm gonna cum."

"Oh yeah!" he answered. "Cum baby, I wanna feel you cum."

I grabbed his chest and I came hard, spilling my load inside of him, feeling like it would never end. I slowed down my rhythm, eventually coming to a stop as we tried to catch our breath, I leaned down and kissed the smooth skin of his back.

"I guess I knew we weren't gonna be able to wait until tonight," I sighed.

He laughed,

"Oh we can still do it tonight!"

We hurriedly cleaned ourselves a little and hoped the guys hadn't gone looking for us.

Before going back into the studio we stopped briefly, not wanting to let go of each other, he pushed me gently against the wall and kissed me tenderly one last time. We got lost in the kiss, I put my hand in his hair and drew him closer and he grabbed the back of my neck with one hand and the kiss got deeper and more intense.

And that's the moment Jordan chose to come out of the studio, looking for us.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" we heard him ask in surprise.

Rob let go of my neck and backed away from me in a flash. He stared at me, putting his hand over his mouth. He removed it and mouthed,

"Fuck!"

I glanced at Jordan,

"Nothing!" I replied quickly, even though I knew what he had seen was very clear and that he had probably been standing there for a moment.

"You were snogging each other's faces off," he stated.

We didn't say anything, we couldn't say anything. We both had a slight nervous smile on our faces and we almost wanted to laugh at the unlikeliness if the situation. Why did he have to walk out at that moment?

He just watched us and announced,

"Hold on a minute, stay right here," and he went back into the studio.

"Shit!" I said to Rob, biting my nail, "Shit!" I repeated, almost laughing.

"Where's he going? What's he gonna do?" Rob asked me. "Oh crap, he's gonna have a little fun of his own with this, isn't he?"

"Maybe we should run for our lives," I joked and he laughed anxiously.

Jordan came back with Damon and Dylan following him.

"Oh come on!" Rob exclaimed, turning to me as soon as he saw them.

Jordan looked at them and proudly said,

"So, guess what, guys?" he announced. "Rob has finally come out to me!"

"I did not!" Rob exclaimed.

"You mean, you aren't gay?" Jordan asked him, in a tone that implied he already knew the answer.

"Well" he said hesitantly before adding, "so, you know?"

"Oh, Rob, come on, we all know! We were only waiting for you to say it out loud," he answered with a laugh. "What about all the hot girls who want to shag you after gigs but who, for some reason, are never good enough for you?" he said inquisitively. "And because I'm not sure what's going on here," he said waving at me, "I won't mention all the dudes I've seen you flirting with!"

Rob looked at me, puzzled, his eyes asking me if I knew. I just shrugged my shoulders, raised my hands a little and shook my head. Of course I knew, I was included in their conversations, but I was not going to confirm their suspicions to them.

"Although, he had an interesting way of doing it!" Jordan added, turning back to Damon and Dylan.

"Why?" Damon asked laughing.

"He was just kissing Mark!" he replied with a nod.

They both looked at us and exclaimed with a laugh,

"Whaaat!", not believing him.

"Interesting, huh? Would you mind explaining this to us?" he asked, staring at me.

I smiled nervously. This was too much. This was typical Jordan behaviour. He WAS having fun with this.

But I didn't even want to talk, and neither did Rob.

"What do you mean, he was kissing Mark?" Dylan asked him.

"What do you think I mean? They were kissing, like full on! Like they were gonna have sex!"

He turned to us and exclaimed,

"Oh my god, have you just done it here?" Jord pointed at the door to the restroom just beyond where Rob and I stood.

We just looked at each other and laughed at the way he had said that and I guess that was our answer. He just shook his head, while Damon and Dylan didn't seem to understand what they were hearing.

"Mark?" Damon asked, as if he had just realized something. "Is this why you broke up with Rachel?" He didn't seem to quite believe what he was saying.

I stared at him,

"Yeah", I answered simply.

"FASCINATING!" Jordan exclaimed loudly.

I shook my head with a laugh. I couldn't help it. He was actually funny.

He turned to Damon and Dylan,

"Either of you two gay?"

They both laughed and shook their heads to answer no.

"Two out of five, damn, that's not very rock'n'roll!" he joked.

"Wait!" Dylan said, looking straight at me. "Are you gay?" he asked inquisitively, needing me to confirm it.

"Are you stupid?" Jordan asked him with the same tone of voice.

"Well, Mark's not gay!" Dylan said.

"You obviously haven't witnessed what I've just witnessed," Jordan told him, faking being a bit revolted.

Dylan laughed and continued,

"I mean what is this? What are you doing, just exploring, are you, like, just, is it, just, sex?" he was all confused.

"No, no, I'm gay!" I confirmed.

"Since when?" he asked, totally shocked.

"Since... June, or even way before, I just didn't realise it." I replied.

"Oh!" Jordan said. "So basically around the same time we all started having suspicions about Rob!"

Rob turned to me and gave me an inquisitive look.

I let out a laugh,

"What! Don't give me that look!"

"You could've told me that they knew!"

"Oh, come on, they didn't know anything, really. It was just boy talk. They were just taking the piss out of you for not showing an interest in all those would-be groupies!"

"Well, you could've at least told me that they suspected!"

"Right! And what would you have done? You would've told them? Made out with a girl? What?"

"I don't know. But I would've liked to know."

"Come on, you HAD to know! He was always making jokes," I said, briefly looking over at Jordan.

"Yeah, they were jokes. Jordan's always joking around."

Jordan just laughed,

"And now they're arguing! Boy, so they really are a couple, aren't they!"

"Ok, I'm gonna need to know more than that!" Dylan said in a more serious tone.

"Rob? Seriously, explain!" he asked, staring at him, needing to understand what was going on between us.

Sensing his confusion, Rob sighed and searched for his words,

"Look, I'm gay," he simply said, there really was no need to assert this more, "and... to be totally honest, I've been in love with Mark for, like, well, as long as I can remember."

They were silent and a bit surprised, waiting to hear more, sometimes glancing at me.

"I'd never told him. But recently, things just sort of happened between us. I don't think you need to know all the details, really. But basically, yeah, we're together, like, we're in love. I love him, so much, and... " he stopped and looked at me.

They all did. Apparently, it was my turn to speak. I sighed, and thought about how I could best explain this to them.

"Well, you know we've always been close, because of my parents and all. And I kinda had feelings for him but I just didn't think I was gay. I didn't quite understand it. I thought it was just, 'cause we were close...until... it happened. It's a long story really, but yeah, I'm gay, I know that now, I'm sure of it."

"Woah!" Damon said. "So, that's what 'Yellow' is about?"

Jordan made a face,

"You're very clever, aren't you? I wasn't even thinking about Rachel, or that song."

"Yeah, I am. Makes sense!" Damon stated.

We grew silent. They were taking it in and we didn't really know what more to say.

"Are you guys ok with this?" I asked anxiously after a moment.

"Oh come on," Jordan said, a lot more serious. "D'you really need to ask? We've never been the type to say all sorts of homophobic shit, have we?"

"It might take me some time to get used to this though. Good thing we already suspected about you," Dylan added, looking at Rob.

"Well, I'm gonna need to process this," Jordan sighed. "I don't think I want to go back in the studio now. What about we call it a day?"

"Yeah, let's go have a drink somewhere," Damon suggested.

We went back into the studio to get our stuff and tidy up a bit but Rob and I just watched them for a moment. We kind of just stood there, ill-at-ease, not sure what to think or what to do, surprised that they didn't seem to be so shocked.

After taking some time to process what had just happened, I began helping them too.

"You know, I'm not gonna believe this until I actually see them kiss!" I heard Dylan mutter under his breath to Jordan.

Rob laughed and I looked at him.

"You heard him?" he asked me in a whisper.

I looked over at Dylan. "Yeah, I heard him," I replied the same way.

He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss that was both tender and passionate.

"Ok, I believe it!" Dylan exclaimed.

And so they knew.

We went out for some drinks and tried not to behave any differently. We did talk about it a little but we didn't change our behaviour tremendously. It took a while before we started acting as a couple around them. It happened day after day during the recording of the album. We would sometimes kiss or hug, and they gradually got used to seeing us show affection to each other, or talk about our relationship.

"I still can't get my head around this," Dylan said, shaking his head. "I can't really imagine you two together."

"Well, then - don't!" Rob joked, understanding he was talking about picturing us having sex or something.

They laughed.

"That was so funny though," Jordan laughed. "I was like standing there, watching you make out, and it was like...WHAT THE FUCK! I mean, I knew you were gay, like for sure!" he said, pointing at Rob, who frowned slightly. "Come on, who would turn down so many girls!!" he exclaimed. "I was about to confront you with it you know, soon. I wouldn't even have believed you if you'd told me you were straight! But fuck, I was like watching you, and it didn't register at first. How did it even start?"

"We're not gonna get into any details, told you," Rob said matter-of-factly.

"Come on, we don't wanna know about you two doing it," he said.

"Well, I just asked him if he was gay, and it just snowballed from there," I explained with a laugh.

He raised his eyebrows and seemed thoughtful,

"Well, thank god I didn't have to ask you then!" he joked.

We laughed and I added quietly,

"I actually wanted something to happen, Jord!"

"Ohhh! So you knew you were gay!"

I shook my head,

"Not really, no. I just... wanted..." I looked at Rob and he said, laughingly

"You just wanted me!'

"Oh god, I think we've heard enough!" Damon exclaimed, and then he asked with curiosity, "Have you actually told Rachel?"

"Yeah, she knows everything." I admitted.

"Really? I asked her what happened between the two of you but she wouldn't say."

I smiled and turned to Rob,

"See, told you she wouldn't say anything."

He just shrugged.

"How did she take it? I mean, she came over to my place, like on Wednesday, and she cried on my shoulder the whole evening you know, and she just wouldn't explain anything."

"Sorry," I apologised, "I haven't talked to her since then. I couldn't. It was hard enough breaking up with her. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Well, I guess, now that we all know, we can maybe make it easier for her."

"Do you still... love her?" he asked timidly.

"I'm not in love with her anymore. I'm not even sure I ever really was ... it's not..." Rob was looking at me and I looked into his eyes, wanting to say that what I felt for him was a lot stronger that what I had ever felt for her, and that I now knew what it really felt like to be in love with someone, but I didn't really want to get into that kind of detail with them. I kind of had the feeling that they understood, so I didn't add anything. "But I do love her though. I just can't be ... her boyfriend anymore."

Damon sighed. "That's gotta be tough for her."

"I know. But...what else can I do? I've been lying to her for the past two months, she deserved to know."

"I'll talk to her," he promised.

"Thanks. I hope she'll be okay."

"Are you gonna tell your parents?" Dylan asked.

Jordan laughed,

"You want him to get killed?" he asked him, pointing at me.

"I was thinking about Rob!" he said.

"No way," Rob told them, "I'm not ready to do that. But I kinda think my mum's suspecting something. She may have – heard stuff," he chucked.

I did too and agreed with him. She probably was, but so far, she hadn't confronted us with it.

"Jeez, I swear Mark, be careful, like, make sure your dad doesn't find out and Thomas also," Dylan recommended to me, my brother being one hell of an asshole as well.

He was always aggressive and disrespectful. He never shared anything with me and always blamed everything bad he did on me to get me in trouble, and it would always work. He knew my father would be on his side no matter what. I was the bad son and he was the good one and he'd always taken advantage of this. My father would never hit him. He would always approve of everything Thomas did and I had never been able to figure out why. He hated me, but he loved Thomas. Everything I did, everything I said was wrong, and Thomas and I, we simply didn't have the same father. He treated the two of us in completely different ways. I knew there had to be a reason for that. Maybe Thomas was simply more like him, as they shared the same interests. Maybe he had been able to connect with our father, and I hadn't. I guess my father had always believed that I would never amount to much. I was a dreamer... and I was pretty sure he still thought that what I wanted to do with my life was useless to society. We didn't live on the same planet and I believed that neither did Thomas and I.

I let out a chuckle,

"Yeah, I'll be careful. I'll be out of that house soon anyway. I already am! And they don't give a shit! I've barely slept there for the past two months, and nobody's asking any questions. Once we leave, I'm never going back!"

"Good call!" Jordan said. "But if anything happens, you know we have your back!" Jordan said to me and I smiled, thankful to have such good friends.

Fortunately for me, my family never found out and when we finally moved out of our parents' homes to promote our first album, nothing had happened.

After we had finished our drink, Jordan went back to the bar and I went with him.

"So, are you sure?" he asked as we were waiting for our drinks.

"Dude, I never would've broken up with Rach if I hadn't been sure. Don't ask me to explain it, alright."

He nodded. "Hey, that's cool, man. You need to do what's right for you. I'm not even that surprised you know."

"You're not?"

"Rob's gay, I knew that. You knew that. It was obvious he was into you. I didn't think you were – gay – I mean – but I've always wondered though – about you too."

"You have?" I frowned.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "I've wondered. I guess I was right. You're my best friend, and I can sense these things. You know what, it makes sense that you'd want to be together, I get that."

The bartender came back with our drinks. Jordan grabbed them and handed me one of the glasses.

"Cheers, faggot!" he said laughing – his way of telling me that he was cool with it.

I chuckled. I loved that about Jordan. He was such a great friend. We could say anything to each other and know instantly whether we were serious or joking. Nothing was ever misinterpreted. He was super open-minded too. He just wanted to have a laugh, enjoy the people around him and just enjoy the day with anyone he was with, gay, straight, or whatever, it was all lovely to him.

--------

We started college in October and worked in the studio until Rob and I turned 19 in May. We mostly worked there at weekends, sometimes in the evening, during holiday breaks and to be honest we often skipped lessons to play. We continued playing live gigs. To make a long story short, we were extremely busy.

And in July, almost a year after having entered the studio for the first time, the album was out! And it turned out to be so much better because of what was happening between Robbie and me.

The first single out of it was actually 'Yellow'. Funny that I didn't even want it on the album when I wrote it. It was an immediate hit.

After writing "Yellow," our experience of our time in the studio became very different. We were not in there to record and improve already written songs, we were also in there to create new ones. And so the recording lasted a lot longer than planned in the first place.

I decided to stop being afraid. I took all of the melodies I had scribbled and songs started to emerge. Great songs.

Rob and I worked a lot on them alone, and then, it was like a production line. We would start off with the basis of a song like chords and a melody and maybe some lyrics, and then when we took the song ideas to the guys, if they approved, we would all work together on them and it would just kind of develop and evolve; after a while everything just added up. This whole process was so exciting and exhilarating to us. Each of us would add their own stuff until it all sparked off, and our songwriting process felt like a big chemical reaction.

Rob and I wrote lyrics that seemed to flow so naturally, about us, about how we felt, about our newfound relationship. Of course, we tried to keep a detached approach and to make them universal so that everybody would be able to relate to them.

Five songs were added to the tracklist, and others were discarded.

We composed "Green eyes" which was a bit cheesy and obviously inspired by Rob's eyes, but it was a great ballad. The lyrics were actually more meant for me. He told me he wanted to be able to think of me while singing the song and I did have green eyes as well. It was really about the both of us depending on the lyrics. It was also nice to be out to our friends, and therefore to be able to write songs about our relationship without having to explain ourselves. The main lyrics went like this,

Honey you are a rock

Upon which I stand

And I come here to talk

I hope you understand

The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you

And how could anybody deny you

.....

We had a hard time finding the right way to play a song we called "In my Place" and spent a long time writing and recording this one together.

In the lyrics,we tried to translate our feelings in the most subtle and simplest way possible, our fear of being gay, of saying it out loud, of admitting our true feelings to each other.

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost, oh yeah

Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed

I was lost, oh yeah

I was scared, I was scared

Tired and under prepared

But I wait for it

We wrote another ballad, "Trouble", which was a very melodic song. It revolved round the piano, combined with my guitar work. The result was stunning. Then the drums and the bass sounds added a dramatic effect. Rob's vocal was powerful and full of genuine emotions. It was about Rachel in a way, but also about Rob, and just the fact that being gay might get us into a bit of trouble in the future.

The chorus was,

And I never meant to cause you trouble

And I never meant to do you wrong

And well if I ever caused you trouble

Oh no I never meant to do you harm

And finally, Rob had written the lyrics to the last one.

We called it "A rush of blood to the head" and it was about him wanting to protect me from that hell hole house I had to grow up in. It was about my family, about my emotionally abusive parents and all that they had put me through growing up, the physical violence, the bruises, the threatening, the screaming, the lack of parental care and love that would have probably left me scarred for life if I hadn't been able to escape to Rob's.

It was a way of getting revenge for how they had treated me over the years. I absolutely loved it, I really did, I couldn't get enough of listening to him sing these lyrics. It may not have been the best song of the album for some, but it was definitely my favourite.

When the album was out and critiques started being written, this is what you could read about this song:- Completely extraordinary. This song is marvellously written and simmers slowly for two minutes or so before exploding into life with pure emotion that drags you in. This is the most powerful song on this debut album, Politik being a close second, with a chorus that can probably be heard from Mars, and deserves to be recognised as a classic.

Yep, about right! The lyrics went like this,

You said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down

I'm gonna put it six feet underground

.....

Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire

Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires

Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn

And do back the things it did to you in return.

This last line right there caused me to cry a little when he wrote it, and still moves me to this day. It went on like that, gaining power as the song progressed.

All the other tracks were songs we had already written and that we improved during the recording, such as Shiver, Sparks, Clocks, Spies and Politik, that the guy from BMG had loved so much.

The whole album got really enthusiastic reviews from music magazines. It was what mattered the most to us, so we were overly thrilled. There were obviously critics too, and we had read some stuff that really hurt, but the music journalists were mostly very positive and we tried to not let any of the bad ones get to us.

Throughout the Internet, you could read short reviews of the album published by fans, which left us speechless. It was so lovely to read how much they already loved us. A few of my favourites were,

"This album is one of the best debut album ever. Every song's meaningful and potentially can be single (not only Yellow, Politik, Shiver). This is pure music art. These five guys are so ridiculously hot and talented"

"Their debut album secret arsenal comprises frontman Robbie Myers 's voice – Mark Emery's terrific electric guitar riffs- Dylan Lane's phenomenal piano skills and some persuasive melodies. Certain albums are timeless, this is one of them. This album will go down in history as one of the greatest"

" An album full of otherworldly music. The sad feelings that eminate from 'Trouble's' guitar chords... The joy that is 'Yellow'... The tribute to a lover that is 'Green eyes'. . . The electricity of 'Shiver' (My favorite song of the whole album). . . the fantastic pop tune that is 'In my place'. . . The drama of 'Politik' . . The mesmerizing chorus of 'A rush of blood'. . . The beautiful piano and emotional and epic effect of 'Clocks'. . . the bass line and beauty of 'Sparks'... ! This is a superb album that might just capture your heart and your imagination. I LOVE it ! I find myself replaying this endlessly.

Let me talk more about two songs, first 'A rush of blood' actually gives me a rush of blood to the head. I don't know how a song can make you happy by making you sad, but this one does it. Simply amazing. Secondly, 'Shiver', the fantastic heartbreaking vocals, the lyrics which cut straight through the heart. This song carries you through adolescence, falling in and out of love, the song is the first song where I felt like someone else got me, got my adolescent pain of just wanting to be loved and wanting to give love."

"This is a very impressive and strong debut album for such a young band. Every track is excellent but among the most noteworthy is Yellow, A rush of blood, Shiver, and Politik. It recalls U2's'The Joshua Tree', and not just for its stunning guitar work but for its wild passion and spiraling tension-and-release dynamics. It sets an incredible standard that the band will have to keep up. I can't believe they're not even twenty years old yet! They can still grow and evolve so much more! Good luck to them"

"Wow....it doesn't get any better than this. A masterpiece. If you have not bought this album yet, I recommend it very highly as it contains some truly wonderful moments that will catapult U-N-I into rock's super league. Their new album is predicted in a couple of years, and could well raise the bar still further. If you get the chance as well, see them live. They put on a great show and Robbie has immense charisma."

"Well, this is really good. By listening to their music, it feels as if they have been in the music scene for years and years. But, the truth of it is it's just their first album and I'm telling you, they're here to stay for a long long time indeed. Way to go, U-N-I. I'm a hard rock/hip-hop fan, so I don't listen to your type of music all that much. But even I can say this album is awesome. When it's all said and done, this will go down as the album of the decade because of its universal likability"

" In a word: brilliant. This album is stunningly beautiful and powerful. It is exciting and intelligent from start to finish. Impressive accomplishment. This is one of those albums that takes multiple listens and has a lasting appeal. One of those albums that will truly change your life, all of these songs are ones that you can listen to over and over and never get tired of"

"This debut album is, without doubt, a fantastic achievement. But for me, that's not the point. People can rave about the album's sales, or maybe complain about the band drawing heavy influences and therefore coming off as unoriginal. But it's how the music makes you feel, how it reaches you, that matters. That, to me, is more important than anything. The album is a beautifully compelling album, with a variety of songs that evoke different emotions from me every time I listen to them. What more can I say? It's an incredible album "

Needless to say, we were all over the place as soon as the album was released, and much to our amazement, it reached number 1 two weeks after its release. We were over the moon. I don't think we had fully realized how good our songs were and sounded to others. We were still very reticent about them and we didn't feel that they were that good. We couldn't get our heads around the immediate success the album received.

And it was just the beginning, now it was going to be all about promoting, touring and growing as a band. We couldn't wait.

 

[unilivewilliam]

PART 2

chapter 6 The boys meet their idol. Rob and Mark have a threesome.


This is the first chapter to the second part of the story and it takes place four years after chapter 5.

------------------------

"And the winner for best album of the year is ... it can only be .... U-N-I" the presenter of the award loudly announced.

We all smiled at each other at bit amazed to have won this award, considering the competition. But I guess it was our night. We hugged and started making our way onto the stage, hearing the crowd scream and cheer and feeling so proud of ourselves.

While one of our latest songs was being played, a woman commentator's voice resonated around the venue,

"After winning best song and best live act, this is U-N-I's third award of the night, for their second album "A message". U-N-I have sold 10 million copies of this album worldwide. They will be playing four nights at the O2 Arena in London to conclude the European leg of their tour, and will start touring again in South America, and then a string of dates in the US "

We hugged the two presenters and Rob was handed the award. We would always let him talk because of being his usual confident self when he was in public like that, he would always deliver a good speech,

"Thank you so much everybody. Thanks for being so nice to us when we played." he said with the biggest smile, looking over at us. "We'd like to thank our producer, Nigel Smith, who has worked on this album with us and contributed to make it as good as we had hoped when we started recording. Thank you to Tom Wallace, our manager, who's doing a great job putting up with us. This is only our second album, and we're only 22, so you know, we're Irish, and we don't like to admit that we think we're great, so tonight, we'd like to agree with you for giving us this award. We're so grateful to be in this position, so thank you so much for giving us our job and for listening to our music, we appreciate it more than you can imagine! This is a dream come true for us! Thank you!"

After the ceremony, we did the usual interviews and photographs with the journalists and headed back to the hotel where a party was taking place with most of the celebrities present in the city that night. We knew we'd get to chat and party with a few of them.

We loved award ceremonies. When we had attended one for the first time I remember thinking how no one could teach you how to handle fame. No one could give you the tools to learn how to cope with it. There were no evening classes in being famous, there was no celebrity support group you could go to. But in fact, there were... and they were called award ceremonies.

When we came into the hotel, we walked by the bar and I stopped dead in my track. Damon bumped into me as I stopped walking and I grabbed his arm. He looked in the same direction as me and said,

"Oh man!"

Bono from U2 was standing at the bar, talking to someone. I couldn't believe it. He wasn't even at the ceremony. We had been wanting to meet him for so long but it still felt like an unreachable dream. Even though we were now working in the same business, following in his footsteps, it still seemed to be unattainable. I had been waiting for that moment my whole life, or so it seemed.

U2 was our favourite band growing up, they were an inspiration to us. And since we had started becoming successful, there had been a lot of comparisons made between our music and theirs, because we did draw a lot of influence from them, and we were from Ireland, just like they were, which made the comparison even more evident. If I had wanted us to have a similar career to any band on this planet, that would have been U2, no doubt. To me, they were the greatest band in the world.

We kind of all stood there and watched him, trying to think of a good way to approach him, when he saw us, waved and smiled. He then told the person he was talking with that he would be right back, or that's what it seemed like and he walked up to us. We couldn't believe it. I knew I couldn't. When he was within arm's reach, he extended his arm for a handshake, saying, like we were old friends,

"Well, hello there, how are you?"

We shook his hand, not really sure what to say. It was so overwhelming. I was speechless. It's quite something when you meet your idol. If it hadn't been for fear of making a fool of myself, I might have just passed out!

"I've heard so much about you. So glad we finally get to meet. I'd love to have a chat with you. I really liked your albums, it's quite something for kids your age."

We thanked him, trying to act as cool as possible,

"Let me ask the bartender for some drinks, it's still quiet for now."

We all sat around a large table at the far end of the bar and he said,

"Congratulations, you deserved those awards tonight. How does it feel?"

I smiled and we were all silent for a few seconds, trying to get over the fact that Bono was right there, talking to us and I replied,

"To be honest, it feels amazing and surreal."

"Yeah," Jordan agreed, "jeez, I'm sorry but I can't even believe we're sitting here, about to have a drink with you right now. I mean, we are huge fans. You're such an inspiration, really. This, this is unbelievable," he was so thrilled and excited that Bono laughed.

"Well, of course I'm here, us Irish people gotta stick together but, hey, I like your excitement, you should never lose your sense of wonder."

"So how is it going?" he continued. "I know it's not easy to be a new band these days, but you are so different, I like you. I just hope you won't let the industry eat you alive," he told us with concern.

The bartender came over with our drinks, interrupting the conversation. We had a sip and we resumed talking.

"Yes, everything that's happening is a bit overwhelming, this is a tough industry." I said "Now after two albums, I think the hardest part is promoting them."

"Ahh well, you know, that's how it works. I've been there. You spend all this time and energy trying to get a record deal, writing songs, then you get to the end of this whole struggle and find out it's only the beginning. You've got great talent and great potential, don't waste it. Don't lose yourselves in this industry. You are so like us, I have this feeling that you could just be the next U2."

It was so wonderful to hear that. Hearing Bono call us the next U2 is still to this day one of the greatest moments of my life. I tried to stay cool but inside, I was feeling completely ecstatic.

"You're alone out there. But I really think it's important that you get to where you're going, you get a chance to fulfill your potential. You know, U2 is still alive after twenty years of working together because what we do is rock music and we are not motivated by anything else but the music. And let me tell you, if U2 is on the radio, if you're on the radio, if you get to number one, you're doing all the people that make that crap factory-produced music out of a job. I think it's important. You've got big talent, you've got a part to play."

We all looked at each other, convinced. Bono was talking to us as if our opinions were important to him. He was putting us in the middle of the conversation even though he was doing all the talking. Sort of like our involvement and agreement was vital and he was talking with such warmth, humour and humility. We were mesmerized.

"My God, you are really good for your age. It's the first time in years that I've looked at a new band and been able to see you will still be around in twenty years. I can just see it and the audience will see it too. You have that quality. Don't lose it. Never forget where you're coming from and what you've got to say. I remember being that young, we formed U2 when we were 15,16. We were full of dreams, waiting to be discovered."

"Yeah, we started writing our first songs together around that age as well," I told him.

"Funny thing, I listened carefully to your lyrics and I just heard what was going on in my head when I was your age."

"Well, yeah, sure, you're our inspiration!" Damon laughed.

"All I can tell you is that you have to give as much as you can to your public, in your lyrics, on stage.... I heard you were really good on stage!"

"That's what they say!"Rob smiled a little shyly.

"You know, can I offer you a word of advice?" he asked Rob seriously.

"Please do." Rob encouraged him.

"As a singer, you have to give. You have to look like you belong up there. Your fans can't all be at the front row. What you give to them can't be about physical proximity. It's something to do with generosity that makes for a great live event. It's nothing to do with scale. You've just got to give."

"It's hard though, to give all the time. Cause it's not just on stage that I have to do it. I feel like I need to be someone else when I'm on stage or in public so I just sort of create different personalities and slip into the most appropriate one. But I'm afraid I might just end up forgetting who I really am."

Bono laughed,

"I know what you mean. To tell you the truth, I have no control over who I wake up as. I wish I did. But they are not enemies, these different sides to yourself. The thing is that it makes it hard to perform when you're just not in the mood and not to perform when you are. Sometimes, I just go back home after a tour and want to climb on the table at 11o'clock every night and try to perform and I'm wondering where the 50,000 people are."

We all laughed.

"But no matter how you feel, the public always gives something back. Blind panic always sets in before a gig but then you set foot on stage and get completely intoxicated by the reception of the audience. It can be a very trippy experience, like you're on the moon or something. They make you feel special and if you are trying to fill a hole music and being a performer is an obvious route."

"Yeah, that's true," Rob continued, "I think we've always had a bit of faith and we knew we could be successful, but now that we are, it's a bit tough sometimes. I mean we feel very grateful to be in the position we're in, but it comes with a lot of pressure."

"Of course. You know, people are always gonna think that your life is so much better than theirs. The media can be so powerful. People believe more of what they read than what they actually see. What you own, the money, that's not what's important. It's never been important to me. It's the family and the work. The people you love. They remind you who you are. That's important. It's the same things everyone cares about."

"Yes, sure," Rob said, "but I already feel like some people look at me like I'm better than them. Some of them see me as perfection. I mean I can see they feel a sense of admiration when they look at me and it's very disturbing. I don't feel that special."

"Yeah, but that's not a bad thing. It means you're already making a difference. You're lucky enough to have touched a few lives. In all modesty, I have probably touched millions. I hope I have. I hope you will, all of you. I can see you all have a tremendous energy inside you. I'm sure you feel you could go on all night when you're on stage."

We all smiled and nodded. It was so true. "You know, Rock 'n' Roll can give you the power to change the world, use it, mobilize people as much as you can through your music."

"How do you do it?" Damon asked curiously. "I mean, how do you manage to find time to actually fit in your family and U2 and all the charitable causes?"

"I manage to find time because I am not in any way at peace. I think the world is a really unfair and often wicked place, and beauty is a consolation prize. And it's not enough for me. It just isn't. There's always been a kind of rage in me and it does still bubble up. Debt relief is not a charity. Seven thousand Africans dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease is not a cause, it's an emergency...and if you feel that rage, if you can give some of your time to make a change, any change, you've got to do it."

I couldn't help but think that coming out was probably one of the first steps Rob and I would have to take if we wanted to try and make a change in society. We would surely do a big service to the gay community if we decided to be completely open about our true selves. I didn't think I wanted to become a gay activist though, but if our coming out publlicly could help some people to be honest about themselves and others to be more open-minded and tolerant, I was starting to think I would be willing to do it.

"Yeah, fame definitely gives you that power, doesn't it?" Dylan said.

"Fame is a weird thing. It can be quite tough. There's some strong stuff out there, and I'm not talking about drink and drugs. I'm talking about other ways of seeing the world just through the prismof being a star and being so privileged you can get bent out of shape. The whole business of people thinking you're important because you can write a song and sing it rather than being a nurse or a fireman, how absurd is that? You gotta stay humble."

"Yeah," I said, "we are relatively grounded people, and we have a sense of who we are but it's easy to let the fame, the touring and the concerts get to your head and make you forget that you have to still focus as hard as ever on writing good music, you know. I think that's why you're so good ; because with every album, and we try to have the same philosophy as you, which is we have to treat it like it's our first and last record, and we can't rely on the fact that the last one did well, or that we're really famous, we can't rely on any of that stuff."

"You might never get another chance." Jordan added.

We grew a bit quiet and all of a sudden, Bono said to us,

"You know, I really like you boys. We might work together one of these days, what do you think? Let's give you some time to get back into the studio, maybe on your next album."

I didn't know if he could see it on my face, probably, since I couldn't stop smiling, but inside I was jumping up and down exhilarated, and I could tell by the way we all looked at each other that I was not the only one to feel this way. Bono was actually offering to work with us. We were good enough to work with U2. That was insane! Hearing this instantly made my heart beat faster and my body temperature rise. I felt euphoric and there was more to come.

"I'd love to work with you. You remind me of Edge when he was younger, you have that quality as a musician. No one plays like Edge, his riffs can't quite be replicated by another. Edge's sound is so him. Take him away from U2 and U2 wouldn't sound like U2 at all and as I listened to your album, that's what I heard. U-N-I wouldn't sound the same without you. As an original, you're right up there! There are very few musicians who can do this, it's an amazing gift and the fact that you already have that quality at your age is remarkable. I see so much potential in all of you."

I smiled and thanked him for the compliment, probably blushing a little. Rob and Jordan looked at me and smiled broadly. They knew what I was thinking and how it was making me feel to hear that. I'd had people compliment me on my playing but coming from Bono, it meant the world to me.

"You're really not kidding about wanting to work with us?" Damon asked cheerfully, "oh that would be the dream. I actually had a dream about that. You'd make my dream come true if we did work together."

Bono laughed,

"Ah, well, in that case I'd be happy to!"

We talked for a few more minutes. We wanted him to tell us absolutely everything he could tell us. We had so many questions, we had been fans our whole lives, it felt like we knew him, his life, his work, there were so many things we wanted to know, so much advice we wanted him to give us. He had done everything we were preparing ourselves to do. We were so delighted and overjoyed to talk to him.

I asked him a few questions about some of U2's lyrics I found intriguing and I got my answers. I wished we could have talked all night long. When he left, he wished us good luck for the future and said something I will always remember,

"Remember this. If you want an easy life, if you're happy with your lot, if you see success as your goal, it's over. I think there's nothing sadder than people who think they have arrived. I know you've got a future. I know you can fill stadiums, never stop working and never stop giving. Keep dreaming and reinventing yourselves. Don't lose your musical and intellectual curiosity, there's always things to discover. Wear your heart on your sleeve and be real. And let your doubts and insecurities fuel your work. Don't be scared of them. If you want to be the biggest rock band in the world, you will be, it's as simple as that."

We stayed at the table for a while, stunned into silence for some time before we began talking. We still couldn't believe we had just won three awards, met Bono and that we might work with him.

"He called us the next U2," Damon said in disbelief.

"He did," Dylan exclaimed. "How insane is that?"

"He said he wanted to work with us!" I exclaimed. "Guys, I mean...fuck, that's like my biggest dream."

"Because you're as good as Edge," Rob said to me with a grin.

I shook my head and laughed. I didn't think I was but I wasn't about to argue with Bono.

"Wah," Jordan sighed. "I'm gonna have to be extra serious if we work with him."

'D'you think that's something you can do?" I asked him.

He shrugged,

"Let's join the party? I need to release some energy right now! Plus, I heard Taylor Swift might be there," he wiggled his brows.

Damon laughed,

"You really think you can bang Taylor Swift?"

"Oh I think I'm gonna try!" Jord smirked.

He was the only one who was still single and enjoying sleeping around. He was not the kind to settle down. Damon and Dylan both had girlfriends, hot ones too.

We joined the party, which was already going strong. We drank, danced, and talked with many people. At some point, Rob started hanging out and partying with a few girls and I began chatting with Miles Kane, an English musician, whose music I loved. When Rob came over to me again, I was in an in-depth music discussion with him.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned closer to me, "Hey, can I talk to you?" he asked.

"Hey man, how you doing?" he said to Miles, extending his hand for a handshake.

"Good. Congratulations on tonight's awards. You scored quite a few!"

"Thanks."

"Hold that thought," I said to Miles and walked away from him to talk with Rob.

"Have you seen the guy I was talking to?" he asked me with a grin on his face.

"No," I answered. I didn't even know where he'd been.

He discreetly pointed at him,

"Black jacket, in Rihanna's crew over there, he's one of her dancers."

"Oh yeah," I said, checking him out.

I knew he was telling me about him because he had something in mind. He was a tall and muscular mix-raced boy, probably around 25.

"Fancy a threesome?" he asked seductively.

"Gay?" I said under my breath.

"Definitely flirting with me," he answered, sounding horny.

I stared discreetly at the guy for a few seconds. He was super hot.

"Alright, you go for it!"

Rob smiled.

"Cool, let's bring on the charm!"

He walked away and I resumed my conversation with Miles. A few minutes later, he came back and whispered in my ear,

"Let's go?"

I smiled at him,

"Ok." I turned to Miles again and ended the conversation, "Talk to you later?"

"Sure, it was great talking with you!" he answered.

"You too. Thanks for all the advice."

"You're welcome."

We walked away and I raised my eyebrows in a question.

"So?"

"He's coming up to our room," he grinned, sounding pleased with himself.

Now, although I was not particularly in the mood before, I was starting to get horny and excited.

"He's so hot," I told him, briefly looking over at the guy again.

"Tell me about it, can't wait to see him without his clothes on. He's all muscle."

I could tell that his large, muscular arms were straining under his leather jacket.

"He looks like he could break me in half," I joked.

"Is that a bad thing?" Rob laughed.

In general, it was so easy to hookup with guys in the business, and we'd had a couple threesomes already, for fun, and out of curiosity. We realized the first time it randomly happened that even though we didn't want an open relationship at all, we did enjoy playing together with another guy once in a while. They knew how to keep things quiet and uncomplicated, and we didn't have to worry about them selling stories or threatening to out us. We had never brought a fan up to our room, even though we had been tempted a few times, but we felt like it was too risky.

We made our way up to our room and Rob started caressing and kissing the back of my neck lovingly as I tried to get the keycard to unlock the door. I smiled, opened the door and turned around to kiss him as we walked into the room. He kicked the door close with his foot and we made out a little.

"Let's hope he's not gonna want to fuck you, he doesn't look like a bottom."

This was something we had decided we wouldn't do with strangers. Rob didn't want anyone but him to fuck me and I felt the same way, I realized the first time we'd done this that I didn't ever want to see him being fucked by another guy. We still had some boundaries.

"If he does, I'll convince him to get fucked instead!" he joked "I'm gonna grab a quick shower, I feel all sweaty."

I went with him and we showered together. We even douched quickly, not that we were planning on bottoming, but just to be safe.

Afterwards we each pulled on a pair of sweatpants and stayed shirtless.

We sat on the couch and talked a little about the party, when there was a knock on the door.

Rob smiled devilishly when we heard a quiet knock at the door,

"Time to have some fun!"

He eagerly headed toward the door. As I watched the guy walk in, he seemed even more muscular in the smaller space of the hotel room. As he came in, he eyed Rob up and down with lust and then looked at me, checking me out as well.

"Well this should be fun. I love what you guys do, you know, I'm a fan," he told me. "I had no idea! You two are really just into guys?"

I chuckled. Was he trying to start a conversation?

"Yeah, pretty much. We're in a relationship." Rob told him.

"Wah, that's cool! Do you ever plan on coming out publicly?"

Oh yeah, he was trying to a have a conversation.

"Maybe, we're thinking about it." Rob replied.

" 'Cause people are gonna be really surprised here," he said pointing at me and then at Rob. "I mean, maybe not you, but that you're a couple, fuck, definitely!"

Rob laughed,

"Yeah, we're aware of that - which is why we haven't done it yet!"

"You guys are hot! Your fans are gonna love this," he said pulling off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. "You should!"

"You know," he added, "Rihanna really likes you guys. She told me tonight she'd love to do a duet with you, after she saw us chatting. Would you be interested? I can have her call you."

Rob turned to me, letting out a chuckle.

"Sure man, why not, you do that!" he said, walking a lot closer to him.

He was almost done unbuttoning his shirt. Rob placed his hands on his chest and caressed his pecs,

"You have such a gorgeous body!"

He smiled,

"Thank you. Lots of muscle-building exercises every day! You're not bad yourself."

Rob's hands slid to his trousers, grabbed his belt and unbuckled it, looking into the guy's eyes.

"What's your name by the way?"

"Scott!"

"Well, hello Scott!" he said pulling the guy's dick out of his underwear.

He stroked him as he kissed his broad shoulders. Then, he made him sit on the couch next to me before taking the head of his dick in his mouth.

Scott smiled and sighed,

"Oh fuck, I can't believe I have my dick in Robbie Myers's mouth!" this guy was funny, and obviously a little drunk.

I laughed and started taking off what I was wearing. Scott immediately reached for my cock and rapidly brought the head into his mouth. I moaned at the feeling as he sucked, licked and jerked me, roaming his hand all over my abs.

After a moment, Rob let go of Scott's dick and kneeled on the couch on the other side of him. Scott immediately started blowing him, engulfing him to the base and Rob moaned as he grabbed my neck and smashed his lips against mine. We made out passionately, so fucking turned on by this stud, as Scott took turn sucking our dicks.

"Fuck my face," he asked me as he held my cock in his mouth.

Well, if he wanted it that way, I wasn't going to argue.

He swallowed me down to the base, pulled off and repeated the action, burying my hardness to the back of his throat. I started moving my hips to fuck his face like he wanted it and he moaned. He began bobbing his head up and down and after a few seconds, he pressed his hand against my ass and forced me to slam my cock down his throat again, his hands moving to my balls. He kept this up until he moved his mouth over to Rob's dick and did the same to him, slapping his ass.

"This guy's good," I whispered into Rob's ear as we were kissing, licking each other lips and tongues and caressing each other's bodies.

I could feel Rob shiver as he slammed his cock inside Scott's mouth. He held the back of his head and fucked his face fast. He was being rough but judging by the noise Scott was making, he didn't seem to mind and he kept trying to take all of his eight-inch cock in his mouth, doing a great job of controlling his gag reflexes.

Rob then started blowing Scott again and got off the couch to kneel on the floor between his legs. He quickly slid his mouth down to his ball sack and took one into his mouth. Scott flinched as he rolled the smooth ball around in his mouth, then did the same to the other one. His tongue slid beneath his balls, to the soft skin between them and his ass.

Then, Rob grabbed his legs and pulled him down towards him. Scott sank into the couch a little and Rob raised his legs and started kissing his ass cheeks. Scott not really being able to blow me anymore, I reached for his cock and lowered myself down to suck on the head. He was cut with a nice mushroom head, and quite thick. His pubes were well trimmed and I could see that he shaved his balls. I ran my tongue around the head, sucking lightly, before wrapping my lips around the tip and sinking down on it.

I heard a loud moan coming from him, followed by,

"Oh Fuck," and I knew Rob was playing with his hole.

I had been wrong. This boy apparently really liked having his ass played with.

"You like that?" Rob asked him seductively, teasing his hole.

"Oh, yeah, man, keep doing that." I took his balls in my hand and pulled them closer to his body to watch Rob lick his taint and his ass cheeks.

"Ohhh, fuck, feels good," he kept moaning.

I resumed bobbing my head up and down his dick, he was rock hard.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he moaned again.

Rob was fingering him as he licked his balls and his tongue moved the the base of his cock. I wrapped my lips around his mushroom head and sucked. When I let go of it, I smiled at Rob, who brought his lips to mine and gave me a kiss, sucking on my tongue a little. Then we both licked Scott's dick.

"Oh, that's hot!" he moaned, watching us.

Rob took his cock in his mouth again and resumed blowing him and sliding a finger in his ass.

I concentrated on Scott's taut chest. He was so tight and muscular, he was sculpted to perfection. I was happy I could give his chest the attention it deserved. I was soon licking down the line separating his hard pecs, going from side to side to suck on his nipples. Whenever I licked his nipples he groaned and tried to push his chest harder against me.

As I caressed his pecs, I was still watching Rob from time to time.

My lips traveled up to his face, and I whispered in his ear,

"You want him to fuck you?"

"Oh yes," he almost whined as Rob inserted two fingers deep into him, "oh fuck yeah." I guessed that was his answer.

I stood up and got a condom, I ripped it open and handed it over to Rob, who rolled it down his length.

Rob paid some attention to Scott's chest as well, licking and caressing this stud all over, before we made him turn around and I sat in front of him on the back of the couch. He took my cock in his mouth and gasped when Rob slid a few inches into him, pulled out and pushed back in until he was completely buried into his ass. He let go of my cock and breathed. He moaned again when Rob started fucking him harder, as he slid his hands up and down his muscular ass cheeks and caressed the small of his back.

"He's tight," Rob mouthed sexily as he gazed at me and let out a small moan.

I went to stand behind him, and caressed his chest from behind as well as his ass, feeling his strokes as he kept pounding the guy's ass. I pulled his head back and attacked his neck,

"Give it to him, you're hot as fuck," I groaned in his ear

He fucked him more roughly and Scott shuddered,

"Fuck, yeah, fuck me man," he cried out.

As Rob continued to pound into him, he became louder and louder.

I was tempted to ask Rob if he wanted me to fuck him so he could enjoy getting fucked at the same time, we had done that once before and it was tempting to do it again but Rob pulled out of Scott's ass before I could and asked me if I wanted to fuck him. I didn't need to be asked twice. We changed position and he removed the condom.

He rested his back on the armrest of the couch and Scott straddled him. I stood behind him and rolled a condom on my shaft, which was throbbing. He started moaning wildly again as I eased my cock into him and I began to fuck him. His hole accepted me easily and as I watched the lips of his hole roll up and down when I pushed in and out, I knew I was gonna cum soon. This guy was hot as hell.

He started kissing Rob's chest and jerking his dick as I fucked him. He caressed him, licked and kissed his pecs. Then he grabbed the back of his neck and brought his lips to his. He gave him a long sensual kiss before licking down his neck and down to his torso again.

Rob looked at me apologetically. He shrugged as if to say 'sorry I didn't see it coming!'

I let out a chuckle, he sure seemed to have liked it. We wouldn't normally kiss them either.

Scott kept moaning as I fucked him. He wrapped his lips around Rob's dick again and bobbed his head up and down. Rob moaned, gripping the back of the couch and I could tell he was about to cum.

"Man, I'm gonna cum," he warned him. Scott started stroking him with a lot of ferocity and the hot liquid splashed up against his stomach.

Seeing Rob cum, I felt a tightening in my balls and then I was unloading into the condom. I shook and quivered as I caressed Scott's strong back and ass cheeks. He was the only one who hadn't cum yet. When I pulled out of him, he raised himself to a kneeling position and jerked himself. In a matter of seconds, he was shooting spurts after spurts onto Rob's chest.

"Damn!" Scott said, "that was incredible. Gotta do this again next time we run into each other!"

We agreed with him as Rob cleaned his cum-covered chest.

He actually stayed and hung out with us for a while, when he left, Rob said to him,

"We trust you'll be discreet."

"Of course," he answered "it's never occurred to me to be any other way in this business."

"Hey," I called as he was about to leave, "Were you serious about that duet with Rihanna? I'd have plenty of ideas for that!"

"Yeah, I think she's really serious about it. Honest, give me your number and I'll have her call you. And also, maybe I could call you," he giggled.

Rob gave him his number and he was gone.

"Damn! So basically tonight, we literally ended up meeting Bono, winning three awards, and having a threesome that might lead to a potential duet with Rihanna, I love my life!"

I laughed,

"Yeah, pretty amazing night!"

He came closer to me, placed his hands on my neck and gave me a kiss.

I pulled my head back and my mouth off of his,

"You fucking kissed the guy," I said as a joke, actually I didn't care that much.

"Nooo," he stated, "he kissed me!" he said slyly, knowing very well he was still in the wrong.

"Same difference, you didn't stop him.'

"But he was so hot," he whined

I frowned.

"Ok ok, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I shouldn't have let him. You know after that, I feel like I need to give you some love."

I laughed as he led the way to the bed and we climbed naked under the covers, snuggling close to each other. We lay in bed, the covers covering our bodies, and we began making out.

It had been four years already since our first kiss and we were still very much in love. We had faith in our ability to make it as a couple in the long run now and we trusted and respected each other. I loved our relationship. The chemistry between us was just perfect. I loved how I needed him to make me feel confident and how he needed me to make him feel "normal," to remind him of who he really was. We were equals in the relationship, and when it came to sex, sometimes, he wanted to be more submissive or more dominant, sometimes I did. It just depended on the mood.

God, I was so in love with him. Just spending a few hours, or a day away from him was hard. I hated it when we couldn't be together. Every time I thought about him, I felt this warm, fuzzy feeling inside my body and I immediately wanted to see him, touch him, kiss him.

We held each other and kissed gently. Our feet played with each other and our fingers were intertwined. We lay on our sides and just wrapped our arms and legs around each other and kissed, long, short, slow, gentle, loving kisses. Our tongues slid, played and licked. I kissed his cheek, then after I'd sucked his earlobe into my mouth I flicked it with my tongue, he moaned and I whispered in his ear,

"You're getting me hard again."

He smiled and pressed his lips against mine again. Our kisses and breathing became deeper, more heated and passionate and our hands began to wander. I caressed his body, his hair, his arms, his back, his chest, his ass, his legs, even his feet, and he did the same, but we didn't break our lip lock. Our erections began rubbing against each other and we started moaning. He rolled a little so I was on my back and he was on top and we continued kissing. I could have done that for hours. I loved how he kissed me, firmly but softly, hungrily but lovingly. After a few minutes, he pulled me off his mouth and looked deep into my eyes. His eyes were filled with love, need, and desire as he said,

"Damn, I'm so horny tonight," he moaned. "I'm dying to make love to you."

He started licking my neck, sucking a little and probably giving me a small love-bite, I ran my fingers roughly through his hair, and applied pressure on his head to get him to suck harder, which he did.

He moaned quietly and took my nipple between his fingers and lightly pinched. He let his tongue travel down my chest and caressed my tight stomach. His mouth found my penis as he slid his body down and wrapped his lips around the head he held me there, sucking, forcing pre-cum out of my cock. He licked the pre-cum and ran his tongue up and down along my shaft, making it completely wet. He moved down to my balls and as he started licking, I asked with need,

"Ohhh, baby, come here," he looked up at me and saw me reach for the lube, 'Come here, give me your cock."

I grabbed his arm and he slid his body up and sat on my stomach. I applied the lube onto his gorgeous manhood and looked into his eyes with desire,

"Fuck me now, forget the foreplay", I need that cock inside me right now."

He put his hands under my knees and lined up his cock with my smooth hole. He pressed the head against it and pushed a little, my hole contracted and relaxed and the head popped in. I pushed back, needing more and within seconds, he was buried inside me.

"Ohh yes, that's it. Fuck, I love you," I took hold of the covers and pulled them up, covering us up completely again.

We kissed deeply, our tongues fought as he thrust in and out of me lovingly. We were both moaning quietly in each others' mouths. I started kissing his face and nibbling his earlobe as he pumped in and out of me. He made me raise my legs a little higher as he began giving me short and quick strokes, trying to find the best angle to hit my prostate with each stroke and I started moaning urgently,

"Uugghh, ohh Rob, yes, ughh"

We gasped, kissed and moaned and he continued working his dick like a piston inside me, feeling warmer and warmer under the covers ; sweat started forming on our bodies but still we didn't throw them off. There was a feeling of security and togetherness as we made love under them. As if we were protected from the outside world, like nothing could touch us or harm us.

"Uggh your dick feels so good, I'm close, you're so fucking deep," I moaned.

He raised my legs again, pushing my knees close to my shoulders and buried himself deeper into me, making me squeal with delight. I wrapped my hand around my cock and started stroking myself.

He knew I was close. He withdrew his cock almost completely and slammed it back inside me, thrusting into me, making me feel so good.

"Fuck, yeah," I groaned.

Pre-cum dribbled out of my cock and I think we both felt the urge to cum build inside us at the same time. He thrust hard in and out of me, poking my prostate and I felt my climax approach really quickly.

"Mark, ohhh, god, baby," he moaned as my asshole tightened. "I'm gonna cum in you."

"Yeah, let's cum together."

I stroked myself harder and he brought his lips down to my nipple. I was so ready to cum and so sensitive that the feeling immediately sent me over the edge. My eyes rolled inside my head. I gasped and tensed up as my orgasm overtook my body and a rope of cum shot across my chest. He buried himself deep inside me and began shooting his load as well.

He continued gently sliding in and out of me for a moment until he just lost his strength and pulled out of me. I felt his body relax and he snuggled close to me.

We kissed and he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. We were quiet for a moment until I started laughing.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," I smiled. "That was just so good. I think I'm gonna have to give an award to your cock soon."

"Wouldn't that be fun!"

"Man, I really should have done that tonight! Next time I will!" I joked. "Yeah, imagine that! I'd like to thank Robbie's cock without which none of this would have been possible."

"Please don't," he begged with a chuckle.

 

[unilivewilliam]

Chapter 7 - Shower sex before giving life-changing interviews.


Our first world tour was over and although it had been stressful and exhausting at times, I can honestly say that it was also the best days of our lives. The first dates in the US had gone really well and we were starting to really crack that market. Mainly because journalists in Europe were constantly referring to us as the band that could become as big as U2. It didn't necessarily have anything to do with our music, even though there were many similarities, it had more to do with the fact that we were from Dublin like they were, and because Bono loved us. He spoke so highly of us in the media that people who probably wouldn't have paid attention to us did. He was sort of like a godfather and he was definitely giving us great publicity.

By the time the tour ended, we had sold over fifteen million copies of our second album. We had become extremely popular. Everyone wanted a piece of us. Fans and paparazzi were always camping outside our place, there was never a huge amount of people, but whenever we would leave our place, there would always be a few fans waiting outside and a couple of reporters around the corner, ready to snap a few pictures. We couldn't wait for them to move on to someone else. We'd figured they would eventually get bored of taking the same pictures of five guys looking annoyed in a hooded top every time we stepped outside, but so far, they hadn't.

We were living in London's Notting Hill. We had grabbed an opportunity to buy a whole building. We had often told Tom our manager that we wanted to live together, far from thinking that it could become a reality. We all really wanted to keep living close to each other, in a way it was a continuation of our childhood, to all continue to live next door.

One day Tom talked to us about a new real estate project one of his acquaintances had told him about. An old warehouse was being turned into seven apartments. As soon as we visited the place and saw what they were doing with it, we knew it would soon become U-N-I's headquarters. It was perfect for us, definitely an opportunity not to be missed. The apartments were huge and we could design them to fit our style, but what really finished to convince us was how well-secured the building was. We could come in and out without having to worry about fans or reporters stopping us at the front door. We had a nice outside space too and three empty apartments that we could do whatever we wanted with. The smallest ones would become a recording studio for sure, probably a gym and a game room too and then we all agreed that there'd be one for Rachel.

Jordan and I managed to convince her to move in with us because she wanted to go to an art school in London. She had always been very artistic and loved to draw, paint and create. After our break up, we didn't speak for a while, but it didn't last long. She was friends with all of us, the guys loved her and I didn't want her out of my life at all. So little by little, we started spending time together again, as friends. Everything went back to normal in her relationship with Jordan Dylan and Damon first, she'd had a very hard time being around Robbie again at the beginning, especially when he was being affectionate with me, but eventually she got used to it.

The first time she had seen us kiss, we were having a small party at Jordan's place to celebrate his 19th birthday. It was late, everybody had gone home. We were a bit drunk and Rob and I started making out in the corner of the room. I was sure she had left, but when I opened my eyes, I saw her watching us. I froze a little and Rob turned his head and let go of me when he saw her too. She looked at me with the saddest and most resigned expression on her face, and probably fully realized at that moment that she really had lost me for good. Her attitude changed after that, and she started behaving toward me and Rob in the same way as she behaved with the guys. We had become friends again, and I was glad to still have her in my life.

It was eight am, we were still in bed. I had been awake for like half an hour and I was checking social media when he awoke.

"Come on, sleepy head, wake up. We have press to do this morning."

"Uhhh, go without me," he groaned, stretching his arms.

"Yeah, you wish!"

He checked his phone as well and after a few minutes, I got up and put some pajama bottoms on. He did as well and as we started heading out of our room, I turned around and said,

"Hey, why don't we stop for take out at that organic place on the way like we did last week, it was excellent."

"Yeah, sounds good." he agreed.

He placed his hand over my lower back and gave me a quick peck on the lips, which I returned, making it last a bit longer. I had just intended to kiss him briefly though but we had no self-control when it came to this. He kissed me back, with a little more pressure and I felt a slight shiver rush through me as his tongue quickly slid into my mouth. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into him and I embraced him tightly. We closed our eyes and started kissing more deeply. I got hard instantly and pressed my crotch against his morning wood, grinding my cock against his and grasping his broad shoulders. He broke the kiss and we looked at each other and grinned slyly.

He slipped his hand down my pajama bottoms, not breaking eye contact with me and grasped my cock firmly, squeezing it, forcing a groan out of me.

"I just can't keep my hands off you," he smiled as he began stroking me firmly.

"Ooh," I quietly moaned.

He placed his other hand behind the back of my neck and gently kissed and licked my lips as his thumb spread the precum over my cock and his hand moved up and down my erection smoothly. I pressed my body firmly against his to increase the sensation and his hand rubbed against his crotch as he jerked me off faster and faster.

He started kissing my cheek, then my ear, his kisses moving down to my neck and began nibbling at it so softly that it made me tremble and I felt shivers run up and down my spine.

"Oh yeah, feels good."

Rob continued licking my neck gently and I moaned quietly, enjoying his nibbling and stroking; he raised his head and looked into my eyes as his hand continued pumping my cock and I humped myself against it.

I smashed my lips against his and slipped my hands down his pajama bottoms. I grabbed and rubbed his muscular ass cheeks, pulling him into me a little more. His hand on my cock was squeezed between our bodies, which just increased the pleasure I was feeling and I lost myself more and more in the sensation. I loved the feeling of his hand running over my cock.

"I'm almost there," I whispered closing my eyes, running my tongue over his lips.

My cock was now leaking like a tap and his hand was rapidly moving up and down my length.

"Yeah, come on, shoot it, shoot it," he murmured and softly licked my tongue and pressed his lips against mine, kissing me lovingly and letting out small sexy sighs.

I moaned and he began to furiously pump my cock as I squeezed him to me.

"Come on shoot it, baby," he moaned sensually again, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck, smelling him and feeling his warmth against my face as I concentrated on my approaching orgasm.

I suddenly felt my cock pulse in his hand and groaned,

"Oh yeah".

My whole body tightened and jets of cum started shooting out of me, soaking his hand as well as my pyjama bottoms. He continued stroking me through the whole orgasm, holding me tight against him too.

When my orgasm had subsided, I raised my head a little and kissed him softly again.

"That was so good," I giggle. My hands slowly released his ass cheeks and moved up his back, I squeezed him to me a little harder, "you're the best!" I said invading his mouth with my tongue again, and we kissed passionately for a few seconds.

"Come on, I'll return the favor in the shower," I told him, grinning slightly.

We headed toward the bathroom and stepped inside the shower, letting the water spray over our bodies for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the water. I placed my hands over Rob's shoulders and placed a kiss on his neck. He turned a little to face me and I leaned into him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and bringing my lips to his. We kissed deeply and I gently pushed him closer to the shower wall and backed him up against it, my lips never leaving his.

Pressing my body hard against his, I let one of my hands slide down his arm and then up his chest, feeling his hard body against the palm of my hand. I caressed his pec and a sensual moan escaped his lips when I started nibbling at his neck and lightly pinching his nipple.

"You make me so horny," he moaned with a smile as he kissed my cheek, he was running one of his hands up my back while the other one rubbed the back of my neck.

"I can see that." I whispered with a grin as I brought my hand down to his erection, wrapped my fingers around it and gently stroked him, "damn, I love this thing," I smiled as I felt that my touch made his gorgeous dick throb and pulse in my hand.

He held me closer against him, and one of his hands slid down to my ass. He began caressing my ass cheeks as I teased his neck and shoulders with my lips and tongue, still holding and stroking his hardness, my hand pressed between our bodies. Feeling how turned on he was and how hard his cock was made me want to have him in my mouth and I started kissing down his chest. He closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling and held my head as I found his hard nipple and he moaned to encourage me to suck and lick it, I gave special attention to his nipples as one of my hands roamed up and down his tight stomach.

My lips descended further down and I knelt down in front of his hard member. I looked up at him and smiled as I wrapped my hand around his erection and gave it a few strokes. Then, I gazed at his beautiful cock, pointing straight out, so hungry for it that my own dick started to respond. I wrapped my lips around the head and started a slow up and down motion, only taking a couple of inches inside my mouth. I could hear him moan a little but the noise of the water made it harder to concentrate on the hot and sexy sounds he was making. I started pulling on my dick to add to the pleasure I was feeling, as I took more of him in my mouth. I grasped his balls in my hand and rolled them around as I bobbed my head up and down his cock a little faster, taking a little more of him each time until I relaxed my throat and let his cock slowly enter my mouth almost completely.

"Ohhhhh," he moaned hard as his hand grabbed my hair.

I pulled back, bobbed my head up and down a few times and slowly went down on his pulsing cock again. Rob sighed and quivered, loving what I was doing. I continued blowing him for a while, until my knees started to hurt and I slowly stood up again, kissing up his chest and finally reaching his neck.

"You're so damn hot baby, I love your hard dick in my mouth." I told him as I stroked him, increasing my pace, he had his eyes closed, "Whatcha thinking about?" I asked him

"You," he answered with a moan.

"Yeah? You want me?" I asked, kissing the area right behind his ear.

He moaned and I took his hand with my free one and pressed it on my chest, making him run his fingers between my pecs and over my abs,

"I'm right here, you can have me whenever you want."

He caressed my chest and squeezed my pecs and I forced my tongue inside his mouth, kissing him hungrily for a few seconds as I continued jerking him off. We really didn't have time to make this last. My hand slid quickly up and down his shaft, precum escaping his slit. He was getting close and I kept up my pace. In my effort to get him off rapidly but with maximum pleasure, I pressed my finger against his hole. He pushed back on it and it easily popped in. He gasped and relaxed again,

"Oh yeah, make me cum!"

I massaged his hole with my finger and he whimpered, leaning his forehead on my shoulder. I continued jerking him off and my finger slid back and forth, teasing him gently.

"Are you close?" I asked and he nodded slightly, concentrating on my hand on his cock and my finger up his ass as he caressed my back.

"You like my finger up your ass? Feels good? - Imagine I'm fucking you, I'm fucking you hard, I'm slamming my cock hard and fast deep inside you. Can you feel it?" I moaned, inserting another finger inside him and he clung to me. "You love it when I fuck you, don't you? I bet you want me to fuck you right now. I could cum deep inside you. Yeah, imagine I'm cumming inside you, come on, cum with me, now, come on baby," I urged, jerking him off faster.

He let out a deep groan and let loose a stream of white semen that shot over my arm and my hand.

"Ohh god that was good! You're amazing," he said, leaning his body against the wall.

He touched his cock and shuddered a little, feeling too sensitive, he took a deep breath and just stayed there, basically waiting for his orgasm to subside.

"Damn, we're really are gonna be late," I laughed and started soaping his chest.

He smiled and we stepped underneath the water to wash ourselves. I had done a great job of turning myself on too and I was hard again but I didn't do anything about it, although Rob did jerk my cock a few times and left me wanting more. We got dressed and left without eating anything to stop at an awesome take-out breakfast restaurant.


We started the day with a radio interview, just Rob and I. We would very rarely go to interviews as a five-piece. It was either Rob and me, sometimes Jordan would come with us, or only Jordan and Damon, or Rob and Jordan... Dylan hated doing interviews and he would always manage to get out of that chore. Although, I had to admit, Rob and I loved it. Most of the time, we really enjoyed ourselves and had fun joking around with the journalist.

We were being ourselves and our fans always said in comments on the internet whenever we read them that we were fun, cool and easy-going, genuine and sweet human beings really, not to mention attractive, who didn't let the fame get to our heads. We did try to keep our feet firmly on the ground, we tried to be nice to and available for our fans.

When we arrived, we were greeted warmly by the people there, as well as the radio host. After the usual preparation, because it was to be filmed as well as recorded, we started the interview.

"We've got Robbie and Mark from U-N-I today with us! What's happening guys?"

Rob started with a bit of a joke,

"What's happening is, we're just, you know, it's just a regular day in the life of soft rock superstars."

The host laughed and asked,

"What would you say if I said 'How is it hanging'?"

Rob replied with a smile,

"It's hanging good!"

And I added,

"To the left!" because I just knew it had to be a question about a sex-related topic.

The interviewer clapped his hands and screamed enthusiastically,

"YEEES!! I've done that question for a year and nobody would give it the right answer!!"

I smiled proudly and Rob laughed,

"We would always come through if you want penis jokes!"

We all laughed and he said again,

"Yeees !", thrilled that he had finally found someone who gave him the answer he had been waiting for.

And I thought that we really had to stop doing that in interviews. But we couldn't help it, it was just fun. And most presenters like him knew we liked joking around and so their questions were not always very serious ones with us. We knew there were a few rumors going around on social media, on fans forums about Rob's sexuality and about our friendship, because we did joke a lot about it. I guess it was a way for us to pave the way for when we were finally ready to come out publicly.

Our fans had actually come up with a name for it, mixing our last names Myers and Emery into "myemers", and they would post pictures of the two of us from interviews or on stage, on which we appeared to be close and a bit more than just very good friends. There was indeed a lot of chemistry between us on stage and fans had definitely noticed something. Although I don't think they actually believed it to be true.

Now he added,

"Ok, I'm gonna ask you a serious one, are you ready?"

"What is it?" Rob asked, because I knew him so well I could tell he was immediately a bit worried.

He was always scared that one day somebody might just ask him 'are you gay'?

But he didn't, the host just asked,

"If you had the choice between a bionic arm and a bionic leg, what would it be?"

Rob asked,

"Is it like a trick question?"

"No."

" Is there a correct answer? To the left? Is that what we're supposed to say?" we laughed.

"Ok, I would always go for the arm!" Rob answered.

"Why?"

He looked at me and I said,

"Because it would come in useful some nights."

We laughed and Rob asked him,

"What would you go for?"

"I think the arm."

"Why?"

"Just because you guys said it."

"Just cause you're copying us!" Rob said

"Yeah, I'm sucking up to you!" he joked.

"Yeah you haven't thought this through!" Rob joked.

"I don't know, I just don't have any questions prepared, I figured I'd just made them up like this."

"Ah ok, so now do you wanna ask us about how often we get drunk or something?"

"Yeah, ok," he laughed.

"Terrible radio host," Rob joked.

"Maybe I should just start talking about your next record and your projects and stuff like that?"

"No, no, no, it's alright," I said, "let's keep going this way!"

"You like this way better?"

"Yeah!" we answered.

And the interview actually became more serious and focused on our music, eventually he asked us,

"Is it the idea of like being a band at the moment, and being a band that is going to transcend generations, is that what you mean? Like a band like U2? Because I think that's maybe the point you're at, you can become a historic band."

"Well maybe." Rob answered. "But we have to get a bit better."

"Are you just talking about music though?"

"Basically, yeah."

"Really? Because I feel you have already raised the bar with "A message". Again, so many songs that make the listeners feel deeply. They pull your emotions and send chills down your spine!"

"Yeah, seems like we're good at writing those kind of songs, aren't we!" I said.

"You really are!" he confirmed enthusiastically. "Your songs are again so powerful on this album, everything just sounds so good! This is a very vibrant and exciting album in my humble opinion, the atmosphere is just... cool. People are wondering, what is the song 'A message' about?"

We both looked at each other with a smirk on our lips and Rob leaned in closer to him and said in a whisper,

"Maybe someday, we'll tell you!"

This song was 'A message' to our gay fans, as well as a song about our relationship. Again, Rob was making one of those innuendos about his sexuality that always kept the fans wondering.

"So you're gonna record another new exciting album, it's cooking?"

"As soon as we finish this interview... " I joked.

"Yeah you should start baking! Where are you gonna record? You can record anywhere!"

"Well no, we can't actually," I laughed "Our manager told us the other day, you know you have to stay in London, not enough money."

"We would love to record in our... building, where we all live," Rob explained. "We're in the process of building a recording studio there, we hope it can be ready for us to record the next album there."

"Yeah? That's great! 'Cause you all live together still! And really, it's just about a bunch of guys who get together as friends and ..."

"And who have a lot of musical sex!" Rob joked, finishing his sentence.

He laughed and repeated,

"And who have a lot of musical sex, I love that!" he chuckled, "No, but is it just about being a band, being in the same room and playing darts or pool or whatever and making music, is it important to still keep that, when you have the money to go wherever?"

"I think if we lost that connection," I put in, "then everything else would fall apart. But if we think that we're playing well together, then everything else tends to be good. And we just know that the best way to do that is to go into a little room, have Jordan and Rachel, who's a friend, paint it, and just play in it you know. It's not rocket science, we don't want to make things more complicated than that. We just have to find ourselves a great producer that breaks us down to the very root of our personalities and that's what Nigel Smith did on 'A message'"

"Well you know what? I can see you guys have really grown, 23 now? I can see it right now! Are you gonna work with Nigel Smith again?"

"Maybe." I answered. "But we don't know if he wants to work with us again. Rob drove him crazy" I joked.

He laughed,

"I did not! Jordan did."

"Are you impossible to work with?"

"No - maybe," Rob said. "But he pushed us a lot to do things we've never done before, and it can be difficult, you know. 'Cause he's just gonna say, you're just not good enough, go back in there and do it again," he said authoritatively.

"And he does that!" I added. "He makes us work hard and we really salute him for that, because we don't want to enter the safety zone and be in danger of repeating ourselves."

"Yeah we don't want to be in danger of repeating ourselves," Rob repeated twice and laughed.

"Do you feel the pressure? People are expecting a lot from you, the world waits in optimistic anticipation for your third release!" he said dramatically and added," People wanna see what U-N-I still has up their sleeve! Because you have already changed your sound between your first two albums, so...'

"Not dramatically", I answered. "we believe that there'll be a sound shift. We aren't afraid to be experimental and to be daring but we don't want to wander too far from our core sound. We do wanna try new things on every album we release though. I know we might go against what the fans are expecting on a few songs." I smiled.

"Hey, do you guys like piano?" Rob asked. "Well here's a trumpet solo!" he exclaimed.

The host laughed and Rob added. " A message' is a little less personal than our previous work. So, if you're one of our fans who like to lock themselves in a room and cry about how you personally relate to the song "Shiver", you might not be as crazy about our new album. But who knows what kind of songs are gonna emerge in the future? We haven't really started yet. You're right though, we are risk takers musically, but we don't want to take people's expectations in one delicious scoop and toss them out the window!"

The host asked,

"Well, I have to tell you, I think you're not gonna disappoint because I believe the production work on your second album was already a lot better. Things build and fall so smoothly, it flows so well. It's like you're telling a story, which is awesome. A little bit of piano over here, a touch of acoustic, some epic electric guitar work to spice things up, your voice is amazing...there really aren't any bad songs on the album, and really some songs are quite simply phenomenal."

We thanked him and he asked,

"So, when you play together then, how do you approach song writing when you're in the studio?"

"We just play long enough and just wait you know," I answered. "We just play longer than other people. 'Cause I think the great songs are just around, and if you wait long enough, they will just eventually fall down onto you."

"That's a nice way to approach it."

"Yeah," I confirmed.

"Do you realize now, everything that's happened to you so far? Because when your first album went to number one, you just had no idea how it happened. But now you've come all this way, you've done all these interviews, are you in that same mindset of, 'I didn't expect all this to happen'?"

I answered,

"I think the more we go on, the more we know we're gonna have to do lots of interviews and talk about ourselves and what we do in the studio and all that, so we just have to make sure we like what we do and we're enthusiastic about it. But to answer your question though, it's a yes, we realize what's happening now and we're trying not to fall in any traps, like fighting over money or stuff like that, and so far, so good!"

"Yeah," the presenter added, "people say, we do it cause we love the music, I think that's easy to say when you're very successful, right? Do you think, if it hadn't had broken for you guys you would still be doing it, and still trying to break?"

"I hope so," I answered. "I'm pretty sure that we'd be playing on, you know, weddings and hotel resorts somewhere, but we'd probably be the same people."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure." I confirmed. "Jordan might have done something else," I laughed. "He might have said, 'fuck this', I'll see you on Saturday for rehearsals to hang out but I'm not playing in hotel resorts seven nights a week."

Rob laughed.

"Do you get along as a band? I know you're very close-knit, but there must be a bit of eye-rolling and door slamming, you must do each other's heads in sometimes, in the same way that a family does."

"Not really." I said

"No?" he asked surprised.

"No," Rob agreed. "I think on our last album we had one fall out between myself and Jordan, that lasted about three minutes. You know, apart from me and Jordan, everyone else is very calm. So we're really working on it. And we're a lot better, aren't we?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Yeah, would you agree?" he asked again.

"I would agree, yeah," I said and he pushed me with his shoulder because he knew I was lying.

The host added,

"I think that as the lead singer and frontman surely it's your job to not be calm! It's what we call LSD ! Lead Singer Disorder!"

"Yeah ? LSD? Funny, I like it!" Rob laughed, " See!" Rob turned to me pointing at the interviewer, 'he told me, "I've got an excuse now, it's LSD!"

I laughed,

"That's convenient. What's Jordan's excuse? 'Cause he's actually more hyperactive than you are!" I joked and Rob laughed. Indeed, he and Jordan just loved going out, drinking and partying at every opportunity, always making more friends and meeting new people, they constantly needed to be doing something entertaining when Dylan and me, even Damon, were more quiet and enjoyed spending more quality time together, writing music or just hanging out together.

"But I think it's important that I'm surrounded by people who keep me sane, you know," Rob said. "They can eye roll me and slam the door in my face, and I just have to take it."

" 'Cause you need them."

" 'Cause I need them, yes!" he agreed and smiled at me.

He asked us a few more questions and we wrapped up the interview.

When we left, my phone rang. It was Tom, our manager.

"Mark, are you guys done?"

"Yeah, we're about to leave."

"Ok, don't! A taxi's picking you up, you've got a quick interview with 'The Sun', and then you're done for the day, alright?"

"'The Sun'? Why?" I asked him, a bit startled.

"I don't know, they want to write an article about you I suppose. I'll wait for you two over there."

"That's just weird Tom, why would a tabloid like that want to interview us?"

'The Sun' was like the worst tabloid newspaper in the UK. These people just liked to slag people off.

"Hey, I don't know, just go, it won't be a very deep interview with them, that's for sure, what are you worried about?"

I remained quiet for a few seconds and finally said,

"Well, that they might know something about Rob and me."

"No, I'm sure it's nothing to do with that," he said in a reassuring tone.

"Alright then, see you there!" I told him, but I was still worried.

I turned to Rob who had heard the conversation.

"Don't you find that weird? That the 'The Sun' would want to interview us?" I asked him.

"Yeah, it is weird," he said worriedly.

"Tom doesn't seem to think so... Maybe we shouldn't go," I told him.

"No, we'd better go. I wanna make sure they don't know anything about us."

When we got there, they let us in a room and asked us to wait for a moment. We sat on one of the large sofas. There was orange juice on the coffee table. We had some as Tom asked us a few questions about the interview we had just done. The room was small and cozy; there were a lot of old articles plastered on the walls and I stood up to have a look at them while we waited for the journalist to show up. After a moment, the journalist walked into the room. He was a tall, quite handsome man with a very English attitude and he seemed to be in his thirties.

A big black guy, who looked like a security guard, looking very serious and emotionless, immediately followed him, he stood by the window, looking through it.

I looked over at Rob and Tom, who had the same worried expression on their faces.

Why was there a security guard in the room with him?

We knew why... we just knew that they knew.

 

[unilivewilliam]

Chapter 8 - Robbie and Mark have to come out to the world.

I sat back down next to Rob and the journalist came over to us and sat on the sofa on the other side of the coffee table, facing us.

"From the look on your faces, I suppose you know I'm not here to interview you," he told us somberly.

"So, what are we here for?" Tom snapped nastily.

He looked at us with a slight smile on his face and opened the folder he was holding in his hands. He retrieved a large white paper and turned it around, placing it in front of us. Rob and I had one look at it and then we looked at each other, defeated.

It was a photograph on which we were kissing, and it was not a friendly kiss.

Rob looked down at the picture and then looked up at him,

"What exactly d'you plan on doing with this?"

"Well, nothing yet!" he replied.

I looked at the picture again. I had no idea when or where it had been taken. We had been careful. We always made sure we were alone or at least around people we could trust before we kissed or touched each other.

It could be pretty frustrating sometimes but I guess it was the price we had to pay to protect ourselves from these people, who despite our discretion, had still managed to corner us.

We didn't say anything for a moment. We felt totally cornered and we weren't really prepared for this. Of course, we knew we'd have to come out at some point - but to discuss it and to actually take the plunge were two different things. We were aware that being outed by the media was a possibility but so far, we hadn't really thought about it that much. We were probably still too innocent to think this would happen. Somehow, we hoped we would just slip through the net. We hadn't talked much about when or how we wanted to come out but doing it in a paper like 'The Sun' was definitely not on our list.

"We 've also got the video footage that goes with it." he told us proudly, pointing at the picture,"So, if you don't want anybody to see this tomorrow in the morning paper, we're gonna need to talk," he said to us with self-assurance.

Well, that made Rob react.

"Are you seriously threatening to out us tomorrow morning?" he asked the guy resolutely.

Rob glared at him and shot him a poisonous look, and with his eyes, he could give a pretty intimidating one. I could tell that the journalist lost his self-assurance for a few seconds when he met Rob's gaze and saw the look in his eyes. I saw him hesitate and he looked at Rob uneasily, worried about what he might do.

He immediately broke eye contact and looked at me and Tom but saw the same furious expression in our eyes. He seemed to pull himself together very quickly though, the hesitation in his behavior lasting only a few short seconds and he looked at us with confidence again. He was so fucking satisfied, proud and sure of himself, he knew he had us. I was feeling nothing but hatred for this guy and I started wondering how someone could take this much pleasure in destroying other people's lives just to make money. Not that he was going to completely destroy our lives, I'm sure we weren't the first ones to be blackmailed by 'The Sun'.

Rob continued staring at him angrily as Tom tried to threaten him,

"You know you can't do that, we'll have you sued."

"You can try," he replied with confidence.

I turned to Tom,

"Shouldn't we refuse to talk to them without a lawyer in the room or something?"

He looked at me and stood up,

"Yeah, we're leaving!"

Rob looked at him straight in the eye as he said with contempt,

"You're such a bastard. Look at you! Don't you have any self-respect? How can you do this and still look at yourself in the mirror? I'm sure your parents must be really proud of their son."

The journalist immediately turned his head toward the security guard, who started taking a few steps towards us. Rob took a step back and looked at him, letting him know he didn't have to move from where he was. He didn't, but kept an eye on Rob.

We walked towards the door.

Before we stepped out, Tom turned to him and asked, a bit resigned,

"What is it gonna take for you not to publish this in tomorrow's morning paper?"

The reporter was silent for a moment.

When he finally spoke, we weren't too crazy about his answer,

"You can talk to their label and see what they're willing to do. Or they can sign an exclusivity agreement with us. We will keep this information to ourselves. They can come out whenever they're ready to do it and they'll get to name their own terms. We'll publish an article that will be the truth and nothing but the truth."

Rob chuckled and said, emphasizing every word,

"That is never going to happen! Primarily because someone like you and the rag you work for wouldn't know the truth if it smacked you in the face."

And we walked out the door. We didn't say anything until we were out of the building and in the taxi.

"Fuck!" I swore. "This guy is the biggest asshole I've ever met, can you believe that guy? Tom, what should we do?" I asked

"Well, I have no idea. I've never had to deal with that kind of blackmailing. You obviously don't wanna sign any agreement with them. So I don't know. I'm gonna go to BMG right now and see if they can negotiate something with them, buy you some time."

He got out of the taxi to take another one and we went back to our place.

We remained silent for a moment until I told Rob, in a resigned voice,

"Maybe we should just sign their stupid agreement, and then we can just come out whenever we want, on our own terms," I said, but not really meaning it.

Rob just looked at me, perplexed,

"I cannot believe you just said that. No, we shouldn't! They just wanna make money. They want us to come out. And they want an exclusive interview so that they can make as much money as possible out of it. What kind of people are we if we let them use us and manipulate us like that? It'll betray everything we are. It'd be like saying to people that we're hiding a dirty little secret and that we're ashamed of loving each other."

"I know, but we've always said that we'd come out when we feel ready. And I don't know if we are."

"Hey, I don't wanna do this right now, I really don't. I want as much as you do for our relationship to stay private. I don't like the idea of having to share it with the whole fucking world but we can't let a tabloid out us or god knows what kind of twisted version of the truth they're gonna write, and that's all people will remember. Most people always believe the first thing they read. And god, there's so many people reading this bloody paper every morning, we just can't let them out us, now or later!"

"But we've always said that our private lives are our own thing and I don't like that I'm gonna have to talk about it and comment on it and answer people's questions about what's supposed to be private."

"I know, me neither. I already have paparazzi on my back every day, it's gonna be even worse if we come out. They're gonna be after pictures of us together all the time now."

I sighed and looked into his eyes, confused and anxious. We didn't say anything for a few seconds. My mind was racing as I tried to find a way out, but there was none.

Why did it have to be so complicated to be gay? Why did people have to make such a big deal out of it? No one was going to be on the first page of the Sun to say that they were straight, now were they? Why did somebody's sexuality have to be so damn important to some people? It was pissing me off so much that we had to justify ourselves like this. Because this shouldn't even have to be an issue.

I sighed dejectedly,

"Look, I realize we don't have a choice - and I know people are starting to suspect that there might be something going on between us already. But I didn't think we'd be forced to do it so soon. I don't mind them knowing about us but I don't wanna talk about it in the media."

"We don't have to share our relationship with the whole world, you know. We can simply refuse to talk about it in the media or to do interviews where they expect to ask us questions about our personal life. Right now, it is just about telling people that we're gay and together. It doesn't have to be more than that, we don't have to say more than that."

He took my hand in his and I rested it on his thigh as he caressed it, softly brushing his thumb over my knuckles until we arrived at our place. We went straight to Jordan's place, where he, Dylan and Damon were waiting for us.

We had started explaining the situation to them on the phone but we told them everything that had happened.

"What you gonna do?" Dylan asked.

"Come out, I guess." I said decisively.

"Are you ready to do that? It's not really a good time," he said worriedly.

"Why not?" Jordan said immediately. "Maybe it's the perfect time. It'll give us more freedom to write a fucking awesome album."

"That people might decide not to buy!" Dylan added looking at Jordan.

Jordan frowned,

"Dylan, we've got plenty of gay fans."

"And we've got plenty of straight fans as well." he added.

"Well if some are stupid enough to do that, then fuck 'em!" Jordan exclaimed.

"We're about to become huge," Dylan said in a decisive tone, "this could compromise everything, especially in the States. It might completely change the image people have of the band. Our fans will be okay with it, but we still have a long way to go, and most people will stop at the gay thing without even giving us a chance."

"Are you that desperate to break in the States?" Jordan asked, confronting him, "Cause I'm not! Remember what Bono told us, 'be real, wear your heart on your sleeve,' well, let's just do that. If people like it, great, if they don't, who the hell cares!"

As I listened to him, I knew he was right. But we had talked about this already, we all wanted the band to have a major influence on the music scene in the long run. We still wanted to be around in twenty years, and we were a bit worried that coming out would jeopardize this, because we didn't want to be categorized, to touch only a minority. We wanted U-N-I to touch everyone, we didn't want it to be limited. We didn't want our homosexuality to be everything about us. It was part of the band's identity, but it was only a small part, not everything that we were. I was worried that people would want to pigeonhole us.

Rob passed his hands over his face and turned around. He walked away, toward a corner of the room, knowing that what both of them were saying made sense. He rested his forehead against the wall and I just stood still next to Jordan, wondering what the hell we were going to do.

We all grew silent, thinking. There was a definite tension in the air and the atmosphere in the room was heavy and electric.

Jordan walked over to Rob. He made him turn around and placed his hands on each side of his face. He whispered something to him before hugging him against him and talking in his ear to calm him down. Rob buried his face in the crook of Jordan's neck and hugged him too as Jordan comforted him and rubbed his hand up and down his back. After a few seconds, Damon joined them and rubbed the back of Rob's neck, talking to him soothingly too. I don't think Rob really knew what to do with himself, he was about to lose it. I was glad they were there for him because I was pretty much in the same state as he was. He needed his friends, I was just as worried and confused as he was.

I think we were really starting to realize what it all meant, especially for Rob. Because the thing was that, even though he and I were in the same boat, we both knew that he would be the one who would have to deal with this the most. Journalists would once again focus their attention on him and he would be the one to be really labeled as gay, he'd be the one to carry this on his shoulders. I'd just be the boyfriend.

At first, that's probably what most people who didn't know much about us would think, because so far, when people heard U-N-I, they heard 'Robbie Myers'! Apart from our fans, people would probably just think of me as 'this guy from the band that Robbie dates'. I knew Rob was afraid of losing people's respect. He needed to know that people liked him, respected him for who he was and he was taking the risk of losing that respect.

"I'm sorry Rob," Dylan told him. "I don't mean to make you worry more than you already do. I don't care whether you guys come out now or later, but we should really think this through before you make a decision."

We all looked at each other, realizing the seriousness of the situation, knowing this could have a tremendous impact on our future and that it would probably change a lot of things as far as the band was concerned. I walked over to Rob. Jordan and Damon kind of left me alone with him and went over to where Dylan was standing, near the couch. I took Rob's hand in mine and kissed his cheek. He rested his head on my shoulder and I put my other hand in his hair.

"God guys," Damon started saying, "maybe Dylan's right, it's a pretty big risk to take, I mean, we still have a lot to prove and maybe we should prove it before you come out."

"Or maybe it's not," Dylan sighed, "What do I know?"

I was a bit surprised that he would change his mind so fast. He was usually the one who was the most worried about the consequences that coming out would have on the band.

"Most people suspect anyway," he said, talking to Rob, "and I know you'd love to be able to sing the songs, knowing people know what some of the lyrics mean to you. Maybe the next tour could be the best tour ever because the fans will understand the lyrics and feel like they really know you."

"Hey, make up your mind! What if you were right before?" Damon said, "What if they decide they don't wanna listen to a band with a gay singer and that they won't buy our album or won't come to our gigs."

"Some probably will," Jordan said, "but damn, would you stop! We've talked about this before, if they decide to turn their backs on us, then they're not worth it. But come on, guys, our fans are pretty open-minded, I'm pretty sure everything'll work out fine."

"We'll be doing a great service to the gay community here," Rob said, "I'm sure it could help a lot of gay guys feel better about themselves and who they are."

I knew he had to be right about that. Sure, there were more and more celebrities coming out but I had this feeling that us coming out could do a lot in terms of changing some people's perceptions, because at the end of the day, we were just your average gay guys who you would think are straight if you saw them walking down the street. We were just normal metrosexual guys from an ordinary middle-class, not to mention catholic background, who just happened to like men.

"We're gonna lose fans anyway," Jordan said, "and some people will probably decide not to buy the next album just because you're gay, but at the same time, we're gonna gain a lot of fans too, cool and open-minded ones," he said with a smile.

"Rob," he added, "you've already taken the decision a while ago. Sure, it was easy to say that you'd come out someday when you didn't actually have to do it but right now you're just scared, but the decision, you've already taken it."

I looked at Rob and smiled at him,

"It could be kinda cool to record a new album, feeling totally free to say what we wanna say, and to go on tour, knowing that our fans know."

"Yeah, you actually sing about being gay, it's just part of the band's identity," Jordan told him, "and I think it's about time you tell people the truth. And it's not like you need to stay in the closet. I know you wanna make sure we're famous enough for this not be an issue but I think we are famous enough!! Aren't you tired of hiding this?"

"Sure," Rob said in a low voice, "I wanna be honest about this, and I know I have to be honest about this but... it's not that easy."

"Guys," Jordan continued, "they have you with your backs to the wall here, and I'm afraid that if you back out and decide to wait, you might take an even bigger risk. Now that they know, they could just out you whenever they want. Even if they say that they won't, these people, they are unscrupulous. And if it's not 'The Sun', it might be another paper. Too many people are asking questions. If you do it now, you won't have to worry about this anymore."

"I know," Rob said, "I guess I'm just worried of losing still a little bit more of my privacy."

"We'll finally have the freedom to be ourselves though," I told him. "We won't have to hide anymore. It'd really take a huge weight off of our shoulders."

"Yeah," Jordan said, "you just need a little push. Maybe this is actually a good thing."

"Yes," Damon said, "you might never have the balls to actually do it if no one ever gives you a good kick in the ass," he said with a laugh.

"So, you gonna do this?" Dylan asked after a few seconds of silence.

"I guess," Rob said, almost in a whisper staring into space, "Let's just wait for Tom to give us some news."

We all sat down on the couches and grew silent, trying to weigh the pros and the cons in our minds.

"I have this picture of us on my phone," Rob told me, breaking the heavy silence, he stopped talking and looked down, lost in his own thoughts.

"O-kay," I said, not sure why he was telling me this.

"You know, it's one of those pics of us you were always taking with your camera during the tour," he said to Jordan. "When we weren't watching - in case you'd need something compromising to use against us or something."

They both laughed.

"I love it," he said softly.

"O-kay, " I repeated, "where are you going with this?" I asked him.

He took out his phone and searched for the photo. Then he handed me the phone. Jordan stood up and looked at it over my shoulder.

"Oh yeah I remember. I'm a bloody good photographer."

"I thought that if we ever were to come out on social media, I would do it with this picture,' he explained.

"Just post it on Instagram, with some kind of comment below, then wait and see what happens."

I just watched him and said,

"You were thinking about doing that?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah," he shrugged slightly.

"I never thought I'd really have to do it. But right now, it seems like the right move! I'm not sure I'll have the balls to go through with it though," he sighed.

I had to admit, it seemed like a good move. It was a black and white picture that spoke for itself. It was lovely. We were sitting on a sofa, kind of cuddling, he had his arm over my shoulders, his lips pressed on the side of my forehead, his eyes staring into space. I had my eyes closed, a slight smile on my lips and I was holding his hand, fingers intertwined.

Jordan took the phone from my hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, my panic instantly rising.

"Just editing the picture a bit," he sat back down and started tapping the phone screen.

After a couple of minutes, he turned to Rob,

"What comment would you have written?"

"I dunno," he shrugged.

Jordan smirked,

"Sure you do, come on, what do you have in mind?"

Rob smiled lightly, and then looked at me, he hesitated and finally said,

"The lyrics to 'Ink' I think."

I smiled. This was a sexy love song I had written after getting a tattoo on my hip, that I really didn't want to release. But they had all insisted, so we had just decided to release it as a B-side, and I had hoped that people would not pay too much attention to it. Unfortunately, our fans did notice it and we had had a lot of requests for it during the tour. We had also noticed that it was one of the fans' favourites on our message board.

"People don't really know that song," Damon commented.

"Our fans do!" Rob replied.

"Ok, exactly which line?" Jordan asked.

"Just the chorus, 'All I know, is that I love you so, so much that it hurts!'"

Jordan smiled and tapped the screen again, typing those exact lyrics.

"Hashtag 'fuck the Sun' " he said as he typed.

We all chuckled and he looked at us, raising his eyebrows in a question,

"Ink?" he asked, "so they'll know what song it's from".

We agreed.

"Together thru life," I added, which was the tattoo I had on my hip and mentioned in the song.

"Coming out?" Damon added, and we nodded.

"Anything else?" Jordan asked. "Gay ? ... no ?"

"There," he said and handed Rob his phone back. "All that's left to do is to press 'Share'"

He looked at it for quite a long time and placed his thumb above the top of the screen. After a few seconds, he sighed heavily, letting the phone fall on his lap.

"Fuck, I can't do this."

"Come on man!!" Jordan insisted, "do it!"

"Christ! This is so nerve-racking!" he sighed again, burying his face in his hands.

"Do it! You know you want to!" Jordan insisted again.

He looked at me intensely and tried to see if there were any doubts in my eyes, but at that instant, I don't think he was able to see any, because I just knew that whatever would happen, it was something we just had to do.

"Just do it!" I said as well, trying to convince him.

"Are you sure?" he asked me, not breaking eye-contact.

"Yeah, it's so much better than being outed by a tabloid."

"Yeah, we can't let 'The Sun' win!" Damon insisted as well.

He took the phone again and looked at the screen, but still, he didn't do anything.

"Oh, come on!!!" Jordan said in frustration and grabbed the phone from his hand.

"Well, If you don't have the balls to do this, I do!"

Rob looked at him and pleaded,

"Wait, don't!"

"Why not?" Jordan asked decisively. "Give me one good reason!" he added.

Rob hesitated and said, unconvinced,

"Because of the band!"

"That's not a good reason!" Jordan replied, shaking his head.

"Does that sound like a good reason to you?" he asked Damon and Dylan who shook their heads no.

He then looked at me, placed his thumb above the screen and asked, "Mark?"

I nodded,

"Just do it!" I answered in a whisper, tired of all this tension and uncertainty.

He looked briefly at Rob again, saw the same doubt and ambivalence and handed me the phone.

"You do it!"

I took the phone and didn't think twice, I just pressed 'share'

"Oh fucking hell, Mark," Rob sighed, sinking into the couch, his face in his hands.

"And you're OUT!" Jordan smiled. "Way to go Mark, I didn't think you'd be the one to do it!"

"Me neither," I told him as I threw the phone on Rob's lap and took out mine out from my jeans pocket. Jordan did the same, followed by Damon and Dylan.

"I can't believe you did it, this was a bad idea!" Rob complained.

"Too late, at least he didn't chicken out!" Jordan teased him.

"It was a great idea!" Damon, said, trying to comfort him in our decision.

We all stopped talking, it seemed as if time had stopped. We all checked Instagram and after a couple minutes, Jordan said,

"Oh my god guys, comments are pouring in!"

They definitely were. I had a hard time keeping up with them.

Rob sat straight up. "Seriously, already?"

"Rob, we've got 12 million followers on Instagram, there's bound to be a few of them connected," he joked.

"Fuck off, you smart-ass!" he snapped at him.

"Hey, don't be like that!" he told him nicely.

I started laughing as I remembered what Rob had said during our radio interview in the morning.

"What can possibly be funny right now?" he asked me, a bit aggravated, he was so ill-tempered and irritable.

"What you said this morning about 'A message'... 'Maybe someday, we'll tell you!" I chuckled and added, "Maybe today, we'll tell you!" I said, insisting on the words.

"Oh shit!" he swore. "How was I supposed to know!"

I laughed as he finally looked at his phone again and read the comments as well. We all did, some silently and others out loud. There was a bit of everything, but all were very supportive, since the first ones were from our fans, although there were a few haters of course. Mostly, people were saying the same things, there were a lot of 'what the fuck', 'are they gay?' 'no way' 'Can't believe it, 'I knew it','congratulations' 'I love you' 'I hate you' and so on,

'Awesome! They make the most perfect couple. I love U-N-I, so much that it hurts!'

'Love is Love! I don't give a shit, you're amazing, I love your music, the best group in my life'

'This shouldn't be an issue, you're still the same guys! You're so talented, still a fan'

'Not shocked that you came out. Just sad we live in a society where you have to come out and not be who you are'

'They act really straight for gay dudes, is this real? that's cool though, they're an awesome band'

'I must be really dumb because I did not suspect this at all, but I don't care, this band is PERFECTION!'

'Congratulations on coming out, welcome to the club'

'The Sun must have put pressure on them, those evil bastards'

'Looks like the Sun almost had a field day'

'Those who post hate comments should be ashamed of themselves. People love who they love, get over yourselves!'

'This is the most beautiful picture, can't stop looking at it ! so you are more than friends, you make a lovely couple ! You make the world a brighter place !'

'I love this picture so much, you're gorgeous, good on you for coming out to the world, takes balls'

'I don't give a fuck whether you are gay or not. People like you deserve to be happy and I hope that you are'

'Robbie's so amazing, forever in love with him ! Mark's one lucky boy. Such a shame for us girls though'

'Speaking of tattoo, I have 'Look at the stars' tattooed on my arm, that's how much I love you'

'Some of their lyrics make so much sense to me now, oh my God, this is insane !'

'Takes a lot of courage to bring it all out in the open, I'm so supportive of them'

'Doesn't make any difference as long as you're happy, that should be the main thing'

'Myemers is real, I'm so thrilled, I can't stop jumping up and down'

'Holly shit, myemers was actually not only happening in our twisted minds, I love it'

'My heroes, absolutely gorgeous, of course they're together, beauty attracts beauty and beautiful souls attract other beautiful souls'

'being gay myself, that just gives me goosebumps, goosebumps, goosebumps, it's an inexplicable feeling, I love this band, these guys are beautiful and true artists'

'Ink is such an underrated song ! why is it only a b-side, the best love song after 'Yellow'. It's my favorite and most beautiful song written by U-N-I, or is it just written by Mark? probably. And gosh, the chemistry happening between them on the picture, it's so beautiful, it's just like the emotions in the song'

'Just wanted a way of keeping you inside', ah, I'm in shock, such a great song, good for them'

'Stunning song, 'I see your road begin to climb, I see your stars begin to shine, I see your colours and I'm dying of thirst', this is Mark proclaiming his love to Robbie, I get it now, omg, I'm so proud of them'

'I wonder if they really have a tattoo that says together thru life then ? I bet Mark does, cause I'm sure he's the one behind such an amazing song'

'INK is one of my favourite song, it's so mesmerizing, I love it even more now that I know it's about their relationship! I find this beautiful. So much evil in this world, listen to this and change your ways'

'I'm shocked, I never would have guessed ! Mark's awesome, I met him after a gig in France and chatted with him in French, he has like no accent whatsoever, I was like WTF ?!'

'I kinda of suspected Rob was gay but I would have never guessed in a million years that he was dating mark'

'This is going to lead to a lot of teasing tomorrow, but I'll support you ! you know what, 'Yellow is the only song I can truthfully say will almost make me cry, and I'm a straight guy, and I love everything you do !'

'So proud of their honesty, their next album is going to be fantastic I'm sure'

'Can't wait for the next album and the next tour, they are great together, they make U-N-I the amazing band that it is'

'Rob has often implied in interviews that he was gay, so the news is not a real shocker to me. He should have said it sooner, nothing to be ashamed of, they make such a lovely couple, they are U-N-I'

'It was pretty obvious if you want my opinion, straight guys don't look at each other like that, all the smiles and amazing chemistry between them, what is it gonna be like now, can't wait for the kiss ! #myemers

'I thought you were only best friends, but like many, I did notice the special bond on stage, hope all of your fans are open-minded enough'

'I'm a bit gutted but I still love yout music, that's what's important, U-N-I is awesome, so many of your songs gets me, listening to you gives me the best feeling ever!'

'I'm stunned, kind of weird for me to be fans of gay guys but I will totally support you'

'Anyone else is thinking of Clocks when Robbie sings 'Am I part of the cure, or am I part of the disease' you're definitely part of the cure Robbie, definitely !'

'Guys, your fans are a great bunch. I met all kind of people at your concerts, m/f, straight/gay, all races and ages, and all share a common bond. We love you'

And so on and so on...

"Oh, this one's nice," Damon said and read it aloud,

''It must be a weight off their shoulders at last. I'm am so proud of how brave they have been to make the big step to come out. I love U-N-I ! Nothing fake about them, they are sweet, lovely, charming, funny, modest and talented, I absolutely LOVE these guys'

He smiled, "can only make you feel good about yourself! I love our fans!"

I smiled and after a moment, Rob read one with emotion in his voice "gee, that's deep, have you seen that one? 'I think you might have just saved my life, thank you so much for coming out'"

"See!" Jordan told him, "you saved a life, if that doesn't make it worth it, I don't know what does ! What about that one, 'Ah guys, being gay myself, this brought a smile to my face, thanks for being honest! You're gonna become the next gay icons! Our generation needs some!"

We kept reading. Jordan chuckled,

"Fuck you, this is sick!" he groaned and made a fist, "I wish I could answer!"

Dylan started laughing and I asked him what he was reading.

"I wonder who's top and who's bottom!" he said, reading the comment out loud and shaking his head.

We all chuckled and Damon turned to me. "Yeah, who's top and who's bottom?" he said in an inquisitive tone.

I frowned as I looked at him. "Seriously? You're asking me this?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows. He laughed and shrugged.

"They're versatile," Jordan answered simply, not taking his eyes off his phone screen.

Damon looked at him with curiosity, "How do you know that?"

"Hey, I'm his best friend, he tells me stuff."

Rob let out a small laugh and added, "You're not his best friend, I am."

"No, you're not. You're the boyfriend now. He comes to me when he wants to talk about you."

"Do you?" he turned to me with a frown.

"Oh come on!" I laughed, throwing my head back, "shut the fuck up, Jordan!"

We continued reading and just hung out together. We called Tom to tell him not to bother. He couldn't believe that we had done it.

Rachel texted me, 'where r u guys?' and I texted her back. A few minutes later, we all turned our heads to the front door when it flung open.

She came in with a friend of hers and just watched us for a couple of seconds,

"You guys came out on Instagram?" she screamed, stunned.

Jordan laughed and exclaimed. "They did!"

"Really? Oh, thank God!" she said, putting her hand on her chest, sounding relieved. "I thought someone might have hacked into your account or something! Why did you do this? What happened?"

Jordan briefly explained the situation to her.

"Oh my god! This is huge, I can't believe you did this! Everyone at my college is talking about it, I even heard people talking about it on the tube on the way here."

"This is all Jordan's fault, he made us do it," Rob grumbled.

"Why am I not surprised?" She laughed.

"Somebody had to!" he smirked.

"You ok?" she asked me, sitting down next to me and rubbing my shoulders.

"Yeah, It had to happen someday."

Rob looked at her friend and asked, "So how are people reacting?"

"Well, they're very surprised, like really gobsmacked, everyone was... but no one was insulting you or anything," she replied in a reassuring tone.

"Yeah, but..." Rachel added and hissed, "We are in Camberwell College of Arts, where most of the guys are gay!"

Her friend laughed. "Yeah, sure. They may be a bit more open-minded than other people about this. Congratulations by the way, I still can't believe you never told me!" she complained to Rachel.

"Hey, I can keep a secret!" she answered, proud of herself, "You know, something else I never told you," she said to her in a low voice, her hand close to her mouth. "I used to date him!"

She told her, pointing discreetly at me with a smile on her face.

Her friend looked at her in surprise.

"Yeah, he dumped me for him."

"Ouch, that hurts!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, it did!" she confirmed.

"Aw come on, you know you're still my number one girl," I said pulling her closer to me for a kiss on the cheek, and hoping to put an end to the topic.

She shook her head in disbelief, "I can't believe you did this. Aren't you freaking out?"

"No, not anymore, we've been reading loads of positive comments, I'm not too worried."

"Well," Rob said as he stood up, "I'm gonna call my mum, I don't want her to find out about this before I tell her. I hope she doesn't know yet."

"She would've called you already." I told him.

She obviously knew about our relationship. We had told her before leaving for London to promote our first album, or to be more precise, she had made us tell. She sat us down one evening after dinner and asked us, 'What is happening between the two of you?'

We didn't know how to respond so she said, talking to Rob,

'You're different since you've started this band. Mark's always here now, and whenever he's not around, you're not the same, as if you're a little lost. You seem to be closer than ever, it's like there's a stronger bond between the two of you. But I'm starting to think that it's a lot more than a simple friendship.'

And then we knew that she knew. We looked away and she asked,

'Are you lovers?'

At that moment I honestly wasn't sure if Rob was ready to tell her. But I could not lie to that woman. She had saved my life. I honestly believed that. When she swept a scared child into her arms and laid him in bed beside her own son, she saved me. And she had hundreds of times. Every single night when I needed it, her door was opened to me. There were no questions. There was love, affection, care and concern. There was breakfast. There were clean clothes. And always, there was refuge beside her son. I could not lie to her. So I just told her the truth, and her reaction surprised us. She was very accepting. She told us that she had suspected for a while and that the good thing about it was that she had had time to sort out her feelings. She told us it could be hard to find love and that if Rob and I had it, then she was happy for us. She was worried of course, but very understanding.

My parents, however, still didn't know, simply because I hadn't talked to them in four years, and their opinions honestly didn't matter to me. I just knew it would only give them another reason not to love me.

After spending another hour at Jordan's, I went back to my place to see how Rob was doing.

I found him in our bedroom, lying on his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"You ok?" I asked as I got onto the bed and sat next to him.

"Fine," he answered, in a tired voice.

"You called your mum?"

"Yeah, she's coming, she'll be here tomorrow morning, she's gonna catch an early flight."

I smiled,

"That doesn't surprise me."

"Maybe you should call Amy, find out if your parents know?" Amy was my sister and she was the only one I was still in touch with.

"If they do, I know how they're gonna react. I don't care."

I laid close to him on my back as well, and rested my head on his chest, feeling drained of energy all of a sudden. His presence was soothing me. He didn't wrap his arm around me like he normally would, and I wondered why.

"Are you mad at me for outing us?" I asked him, a bit worried thay he might be.

He sighed,

"No, I'm just tired - and worried - and relieved. Seriously, I just don't know how I feel."

"The comments are pretty amazing," I said, trying to reassure him.

"Yeah I know, I was expecting a lot more negative ones."

"Everything's gonna be fine."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Why were you so unsure?" I asked hesitantly.

"Afraid of people's rejection I guess," he said in a whisper.

I shook my head and told him,

"No-one has ever rejected you for this. I didn't, your friends didn't, your family didn't. And your fans won't either. They might even love you more...."

"Yeah, they're gonna love you even more." I added with a sigh.

"Sounds like that worries you."

"It does."

"Why?" he asked with concern.

I shrugged. "Is it really stupid that I'm a little scared of losing you?" I asked him sincerely, because that was how I was feeling at that instant.

He hesitated,

"Yeah - why would you be?" I could tell he hadn't expected me to say this.

I sighed,

"You're Robbie Myers."

He let out a small laugh,

"Not with you I'm not."

"They all love you so much! You're gonna get even more attention now, and not just from girls anymore."

"So will you."

I smiled and sighed,

"Yeah, we're gonna meet a lot of guys who'll want more than just an autograph."

He rolled onto his stomach and laid next to me. His hand caressed my cheek and he placed a kiss on my lips.

"Well, they'll know I'm taken, I'll make sure they know that. I get to show you off now," he joked.

I didn't say anything and he just looked into my eyes, his face got serious and he asked me,

"What is it? Are you worried that we might cheat on each other?"

"No... I dunno, maybe. I guess I'm worried that we won't be able to control everything, this might get a bit complicated."

"They can throw themselves at me all they want, you're the only one."

A smile swept over my face,

"C'mon I mean... having a threesome together is fun, but I wouldn't - I would never cheat on you, you know that, right?" he asked.

"I know, of course I know that, neither will I. I just don't wanna share you any more than I already have to."

"Babe, I'd never do anything to hurt you," he told me sincerely.

I placed my hand on the nape of his neck and caressed it. He placed his hand on my forehead and rubbed it a little as we stared into each other's eyes.

"Hey, you're the only one who can have me."

I smiled.

"You're the only one, don't ever doubt that, you're the only one." he repeated in a whisper before kissing me.

"I love you." I simply told him.

"I love you more. Without you, all of this wouldn't even be worth it. We're in this together, I couldn't handle all that pressure, I'd be a mess without you. I need you, I need you every step of the way. Together through life, right?"

"Right," I smiled.

My hand slid up into his hair and I pulled him close for a kiss.

He nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck and whispered,

"You smell so good!"

"Do I?"

"You always smell good to me."

I knew what he meant, I loved his scent too. It was exciting me, soothing me, making me feel good.

He raised his head to look at me and smiled,

"I kind of see what you mean though, I do wish I could keep you all to myself."

I let out a laugh,

"See!"

"My perfect man," he said, kissing me tenderly again.

"I'm not perfect."

"Yes you are."

He gazed at me and added, "You still don't believe that, do you?"

I smiled self-consciously.

"That's ok. That just makes you more attractive."

He gave me a loving kiss as he raised himself up and straddled me. "You are perfect. I love how sweet and modest you are. You look like a model and you could totally show off your body, but no!"

I let out a small laugh and he continued,

"Your skin, your eyes... your lips, you have the sexiest smile, you just have the most perfect features. Do you know how many times I popped a bone just looking at you?"

I shrugged,

"If that's as many times as I did looking at you, yeah I know."

He giggled and pulled up my shirt. He kissed and licked my nipple and caressed my abs,

"Gorgeous, just gorgeous."

His hand travelled to my waist and he slid his body down as he pulled my pants off. Then, he pulled my underwear down a little to reveal my tattoo and rubbed his thumb over it before pressing his lips against it. He removed my underwear, planted a kiss on the sole of my foot and kissed his way up my leg.

I watched him but closed my eyes when I felt his breath on my cock, waiting for him to swallow me but he just gave it a few gentle strokes. He licked my balls and I shivered with anticipation.

"And you have the best cock. I love sucking on it, I love having it down my throat, I love feeling it deep inside me, I love tasting your cum."

The sound of his voice as he said those words made me groan with desire. He was kissing around my erection, touching me so gently, I was hard as a rock. I so wanted him to plunge my cock down his throat and make me cum but apparently, he had other plans, so I just tried to keep my orgasm in check,

"Fuck Rob, just suck me off!" I begged nonetheless, even though I was pretty sure he was not going to.

He laughed as he slid his body back up and I propped myself on my elbows to kiss him.

He broke away from me and took all of his clothes off, never breaking eye contact with me.

We were both working out often and eating well, which gave better muscle definition to our bodies and I just stared at his toned chest and his defined muscles as they came into view. He knelt on the bed in front of me and I regained my senses.

Before he had time to do anything else, I reached for his cock and held him in my mouth. It was already oozing with precum, so I wiped it off onto my finger and licked it with my tongue.

"Ohh yeah," he sighed.

As I started bobbing my head up and down his shaft, he grabbed my face and pulled me up to kiss me.

We both knelt on the bed and made out, running our fingers through each other's hair. He placed his hands behind my thighs, grabbed them and made me fall onto my back before reaching for the lube in the nightstand drawer.

"But you know what I love the most about you?" he asked as he poured some on his hand and applied it to my cock.

"Not your body," he said as he leaned over and brushed his lips against mine.

In a low whisper he said,

"You." and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, "Just you, and every little thing you do so perfectly. How you're so natural in everything that you do. I admire that so much about you."

He kissed my lips and then locked eyes with me,

"And the way you look at me, right now, that look in your eyes, I love it."

He shook his head slightly as he told me with emotion in his voice,

"I can't be without you. I can't bear the thought of losing you, it scares the shit out of me!" he pressed his lips against mine again before he spoke, "so don't you worry about losing me. You're my soul mate, I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled. I knew all that, I felt it every day in the way he looked at me, touched me, kissed me, talked to me, but damn, did it feel good anyway to hear him say it out loud at that moment. I stared lovingly at him as he raised himself up, positioned my cock and lowered himself onto it, my length sliding slowly inside him.

"Ughhh yeah, I love that!" he said, taking me down to the base.

He started slowly riding me, his eyes closed, a smile on his face. Still I stared at him. One of my hands roamed all over his chest, cupping his pecs, pinching his nipples as he fucked himself on my cock, moaning and my other hand was wrapped around his hard cock, I found myself wanting it inside me but I couldn't have everything at the same time.

He placed both of his hands on my shoulders to level himself as he started riding me faster, urging me to fuck him. I did my best to meet his pace, giving him short, quick thrust, making him whimper every time I pushed back in. I was jerking his cock hard as well, wanting him to have maximum pleasure. He lowered himself down to kiss my lips and I grasped his face. We kissed passionately, moaning and I continued sliding the top of my cock in and out of him fast.

"Oh yeah baby, it feels so damn good, I love this, yeah, come on, fuck me! I'm all yours!"

I speeded up. He raised himself up and started riding me again, hard and fast. He kept slamming his body on my cock and after a few seconds, he groaned but I didn't want him to cum yet. I raised myself up and grabbed his chest. My cock slipped out of him and I made him fall onto his back.

I laid down next to him and hooked a hand under his knee. My hand ran down his thigh.

He held his leg up and pressed my cock against his hole, teasing him with the head, and pushing forward a little, while we kissed.

"Ah, yeah, you turn me on so bad, baby," I groaned in his mouth and moaned hard when I pulled his hips to meet me, and impaled myself inside him.

"Oh yeah," he moaned, "you feel so good, fuck me," I raised his leg higher and penetrated him as deep as I could, quickening my pace and fucking him harder and harder. I rubbed his stomach and pecs a lot as I thrust inside him, sometimes giving his cock a few squeezes to make sure he was still on the verge of cumming.

He squeezed his eyes shut and kept his mouth open, letting out small and stifled cries of pleasure. I was all over him, kissing, nibbling, twisting, licking, jerking.

After a few minutes, I started to slow down, until I completely stopped, and slid out of him.

I looked at his engorged penis and quickly lowered myself down and licked the base, up to the head, sucked on it a little and then I looked up at him. He guided me up, placing his hands on my neck. I supported myself on my arms on each side of him and he lifted his legs up, holding his knees. I kissed the hollow of his throat as I started pushing my cock back into him.

His hands slid down my sides and moved down to my ass. He gripped my cheeks and pulled me forward, throwing his head back and arching his back a little as I sank into him. God, that was hot.

"Ohh Rob, you're so hot," I moaned as I kissed his neck.

He sighed and locked his legs around me, driving me even deeper into him and he ran his fingers up my back. His eyes were closed but as I started slowly moving in and out again, he opened them, and placed his hands firmly on each side of my face as he looked passionately into my eyes.

"Mark fuck me hard, I want it hard, fuck that hard cock into me," he ordered.

Oh God, hearing him talk like this was too much. I felt a fire light up inside me and I attacked his mouth with my own, my tongue wrestling with his, feeling him respond aggressively as he pressed his hands on the back of my head and kissed me hard. I immediately started fucking him more vigorously and slammed my cock into him, driving him back into the mattress as he clenched around me and lifted his hips to meet my thrusts.

"Yeah that's it, just like that, fucking pound my ass," he whimpered as we licked each other's tongues and lips.

He pulled me off of his mouth and said again as he looked into my eyes,

"Fuck me hard!"

"Oh God Rob," I moaned as I attacked his mouth again and thrust hard in and out of him.

I grabbed his legs and pulled them up. I placed his feet on my shoulders and leaned forward, almost bending him in half. He slid his hands up and down my arms, feeling my hard biceps and moved his hands to my neck again as I started to hammer into him.

"Yes, fuck me, harder, oh god fuck me, yeah," he repeated as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations coming from his hole and the pleasure caused by me fucking his ass.

God, he was so hot.

He opened his eyes again and pulled my face closer to his and smashed his mouth against mine as I pulled my cock almost completely out of him and thrust forward again, repeating the action more and more forcefully, my balls slamming against his cheeks every time I buried myself into him.

"Yes, yes," he whimpered as he roamed one hand all over my chest and felt my muscles tighten under his touch as I fucked him. He grabbed onto my pec and his fingers searched and pinched my nipple, twisting it away from my chest. God, he was gonna make me cum if he kept this up.

He looked into me with desire, and I was sure that no one but him would ever look at me with that much intensity. He wrapped his arms around me and dug his fingertips into my back, pulling me into him as much as he could.

His ass felt so amazing around my cock, he was tight and he kept contracting his muscles to give me more pleasure, but yet his hole was receiving me easily as I hammered into him,

"Oh you like that?" I groaned, "Take it baby, take my cock!"

"Yeah, yeah, give it to me," he almost wailed as he pulled me into him again.

I fucked him long and hard, jabbing at his prostate, making him grunt and moan loudly, a sheen of sweat soon covering our bodies.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," he panted after a while, "oh god, I need to cum," I grasped his hard slick cock and jerked it in time with my thrusts. He let his legs hang in the air and closed his eyes, letting out high-pitched cries as I pumped my cock hard in and out of him to send him over the edge, feeling my own climax approach too.

"Yeah, I, I'm cumming," he muttered and gasped as his body shook and he shot several powerful thick burst of cum all over himself, landing on his pecs and abs.

I had been holding back to give him as much pleasure as I could, but when he started cumming, I felt my body tense up and just as the remaining jets of cum blasted out of him, he opened his eyes and looked into mine and I asked with passion in my voice,

"D'you want me to cum all over you?"

He breathed heavily and blurted,

"Oh, yeah, do it, show me how bad you want me," he moaned in anticipation, staring up at me with pure lust, a fire burning behind his eyes and I smiled, thinking that we'd sell millions more albums if we put this face on the cover.

I let go of his cock and quickly pulled out of him, knowing I was going to cum hard. I felt my balls tightening and gave my cock a couple of strokes but Rob almost immediately grabbed it and pulled on it.

I let out a deep moan as soon as I felt his hand on me and began to pump my load, spraying and splattering thick ropes of white fluid all over him, feeling like I would be cumming forever. The first glob of cum landed on his cheek and he stared at my cock as he was being showered in my cum. He continued pumping my cock until his chest was covered with his cum and mine.

"God, you're so fucking hot," he said as I tried to come back to reality.

I looked into his eyes and smiled before collapsing on the bed next to him, euphoric, in a sweat and exhausted.

"Fuck, we should come out more often," he joked and I laughed, remembering the very intense sex we had had after coming out to his mother.

He wiped off the cum he had on his cheek onto his finger and placed it on his tongue. I grinned and licked up some of the mess from his chest onto my tongue and leaned over to kiss him. He sucked on my tongue with a devilish grin and our lips met, as we shared our cum in the kiss.

I then cleaned his chest and he spooned himself against me.

"I'm so in love with you," I whispered as I caressed his hair and arm. "I think that's the most I've ever loved you."

 

[unilivewilliam]

Chapter 9 - Rob's mother reveals a secret about Mark's parents.

Rob must have been really tired because he quickly drifted off to sleep in my arms. I squirmed out of his grip and as I did so, he rolled over onto his stomach. I lay on my side next to him and just watched him sleep for a moment. It was something I always enjoyed doing, that alone time with him after sex, when I would just watch him and caress him. I knew he did the same sometimes.

I ran my fingers along his strong arm before raising myself up to rest my head on his back. For a moment, my hand travelled up and down the small of his back, to his ass cheek and his tigh. I loved his body and I knew it so well, nearly all of his extra-sensitive spots. I knew where I could just slightly tickle him, I knew the location of the scar that he'd acquired when he had fallen off his roof at eleven years old. I loved him, every inch of him, and admiring his body was a way to remind myself of who I was, a gay man.

After a while, I kissed his lower back and pulled the bed cover over him a little.

It was only 8pm and I didn't feel like spending the evening alone so I got dressed and went back to Jordan's.

I rang the doorbell because the front door required a key to open it from the outside, and I didn't have it with me.

"Hey mate," he said as he opened the door to me.

"Hey, where's everyone?" I asked him as I peered into the living room.

"They went to Rachel's to have dinner."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"I wanna catch up on Game of Thrones since you've all watched the last episode without me," he complained jokingly.

"Les absents ont toujours tort," I retorted in French, as I knew he could understand that expression, which basically meant 'Those who are absent are always wrong'. We would always watch that show together but he was out on a date that night.

"And I'm not that hungry. I'll join them later. What's Rob doing?"

"He fell asleep."

He looked at me with a grin,

"You wore him out!"

I laughed,

"I guess I did!"

"Seriously? You just had sex?" he asked amused, as he sat back down on the couch.

"Yeah."

He must have seen a bit of a blissful expression on my face because he asked with a laugh,

"That good?"

I just let out a small chuckle as I sat down next to him,

"Oh you have no idea, fucking amazing!"

He shook his head,

"So unfair, how many times d'you have sex a day anyway?"

I laughed,

"Well, at least once! Can't resist him!" I grinned slightly.

Jordan frowned at me.

"How come?" he asked me with an inquiring tone.

I thought about it for a brief moment,

"I dunno, honestly I've stopped asking myself that a long time ago." I answered.

"C'mon, what is it about him? I bet that even though you're out, girls are still gonna go crazy over him!"

I shrugged with a smile,

"Are you jealous?" I teased him.

"A little." he confirmed jokingly and added, "Just trying to understand his secret."

"Oh come on, you get your fair share of attention!"

"Yeah sure, but, it's like, if he's around, it's like we don't exist anymore."

"Yeah, well, I don't care. I'd rather stay out of the spotlight as much as possible."

"Hey, I don't mind it!" he said as he continued to wonder why Rob was so popular,

"Yeah, everyone's attracted to him. Even I have to admit that he's hot!" he said. "Why is everyone so attracted to him? Why are you?"

"Why am I into him?" I repeated, thinking about my answer. "...Well, just because - he's perfect and gorgeous and intelligent and interesting and fun and loving and charming -ùml I could go on and on," I grinned.

"Well, so am I!" he exclaimed.

I let out a laugh,

"Alright, you wanna know, there's just an intensity to it with him, there's just something about him I can't get enough of."

"Yeah, that's it! Even on stage, there's an intensity to him. I have to work on that!" he pondered for a few seconds.

I laughed,

"Just be who you are!"

"Yeah, but with a bit more intensity though!" he nodded.

"Damn, I do talk to you about Rob a lot!" I exclaimed, I hadn't realized how much I shared private things about our relationship with him.

He laughed,

"Hey, don't worry about it, I don't mind!"

I smiled.

"Well, not that I don't enjoy your company, but I'm starving. I think I'm gonna go to Rachel's too."

"Yeah, well, me too then," he said, turning off the TV.

We walked out of his place and went to Rachel's. They were all having take out on the coffee table watching TV when we came in, and we immediately noticed there were two boys and a girl that we didn't know, but who looked familiar.

"Hello!" Jordan told them a bit surprised, "Who the hell are you?"

Damon laughed. "Hey, be nice! We found them waiting in the cold when the delivery guy showed up. They moderate the fans forum, we figured we needed them on our side."

"Oh I see, you're the ones who can erase compromising pictures or nasty comments," Jordan joked.

"Yeah, exactly," one of the boys said. "It's so great to meet you, we can't believe we're here," he said, as they stood up to shake our hands.

"Well, nice to meet you!" I told them.

"Likewise," the girl said with a lot of admiration in her voice, as she stared at me.

"You look familiar, have we seen you around here before?" I asked her.

"Yeah, we've come here a few times, and you must have seen us at your gigs, you've signed us autographs once."

"I thought so. How come you know where we live?" I asked with curiosity.

Damon and Dylan looked at them.

"You've already asked them that, haven't you?"

They nodded,

"Ok, never mind."

She answered nonetheless,

"There really aren't that many people who know where you live, but everyone's asking on the forum, but we always answer that they must write to BMG if they want to send you something. I think the few who know where you live don't tell others anymore."

"Let's hope so!" Jordan said.

"Rob's not coming over?" Damon asked me.

"No, he's sleeping."

"Already?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah, he was knackered."

I could tell the fans were very disappointed, but they didn't say anything, just looked at each other and pouted. Jordan grinned at me and I knew he wanted to make a joke so I pushed his shoulder with my hand as I told him to shut up.

"Was he feeling a bit better about coming out?" Rachel asked me.

"I'm not sure. I think it needs to sink in. He's just stressed out."

"What about you?"

I just shrugged.

"Well if you need a little help, these three are very supportive," Dylan said, pointing at the fans.

I looked at them with a slight smile and asked,

"Did you suspect?"

They looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders slightly.

"A little," the girl replied shyly, "I mean, there was a lot of suspicion going on around Robbie, but the two of you together, I don't think anybody really believed you were a couple."

"Despite the myemers thing!" her friend added.

I just laughed,

"Oh Gosh, you're all having so much fun with that, aren't you?"

"Just the beginning," Rachel joked.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so," I agreed.

I knew there would be even more chemistry between us on stage now.

"How long have you been, like, an item?" she asked shyly again.

I supposed everyone was wondering on the forum and she wanted to be able to tell them.

I hesitated but finally answered,

"For five years."

"Basically since we started gigging with the band," Jordan added.

They looked at each other, as if there had been a bet going on between them. The girl smiled broadly, whereas the boys just looked surprised. She must have been the one who'd had that one right.

We spent the rest of the evening playing board games, laughing a lot, and just enjoying the time spent together.

As Rob wasn't answering his phone, his mum called me to say she'd be at our place around 9am the next morning.

When I went to sleep, Rob had changed position and was lying under the sheets, his head resting on his pillow. I stripped and slowly spooned myself against him. I felt him stir a little and he held my hand. After a few seconds, he sighed heavily,

"Oh fucking hell!"

"What?" I asked in surprise.

He sighed again,

"Uh, fuckin' nightmare! We were stalked down by reporters."

I had to laugh at that,

"Probably gonna become a reality."

"What time is it?" he asked and rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Almost one," I said as he turned around to face me.

"Relax," I whispered to him softly as I placed my hand on the side of his face. He nodded and I stroked his bottom lip with my thumb. He was warm and he leaned his face into my touch. We lay in bed silently together, our bodies pressed against each other and our foreheads touching. I caressed his face for a moment, sometimes kissing him softly to soothe him. I knew the exact texture of his skin, the soft wetness inside his mouth, my hand traveled to the curves of his muscles in his arm. I think at that instant, I knew his every emotion, and it was comfortable that way. And I knew he felt the same.

"I know it stresses you out. Just go back to sleep, don't worry so much about it."

He closed his eyes and leaned into me a little more, resting his head on my chest. I held him tight against me as we went to sleep.

--------------

I woke to the sound of my phone's alarm. It was 8am and I wanted to be up for when Rob's mother would show up. I wasn't sure if Rob was still sleeping but I quietly got out of bed and he didn't move much. I got ready and headed downstairs to make breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, she was ringing the doorbell.

"Hey... good morning sweetie," she said softly, embracing me with a motherly warmth.

I hugged her back and we went to the kitchen. She opened her bag and retrieved a bunch of newspapers that she dropped on the kitchen counter. I just laughed.

"I've just bought all the newspapers that published something about you this morning."

"Oh god, I'm scared," I told her as I picked up 'the Sun'. I rapidly found their article and was relieved to see they hadn't used the picture of us kissing that they had. Like the others, they wrote an article about the fact that we had come out on social media, and it was not too bad.

"Alright," I heaved a sigh of relief, "it could've been so much worse!" I said as I picked up the Guardian, another bad tabloid I was a little wary of as well.

"Is Robbie still in bed?"

"Yeah, he's been spark out since eight last night! Seriously, I don't know why he's so tired."

"It must've taken a lot out of him. He sounded very tired and worried last night."

"Yeah, he was." I confirmed, then smiled at her. "It's nice that you came."

"Of course, I came!" she said with a smile.

We sat at the table to have breakfast and she asked kindly,

"So? How are you doing Mark?"

"Oh, you know, I'm okay. There are worse things that could be happening," I answered.

She nodded slightly,

"It sort of makes it official."

"Yeah," I smiled, "next thing you know, Rob's gonna ask me to marry him," I joked.

"Wouldn't that be a lovely wedding!" she smiled broadly.

"I was kidding," I laughed

"Maybe one day, you won't be."

"Oh come on! I wouldn't even want to get married if I were straight."

"Well, your parents didn't set a great example to you."

I just snorted. She then asked in a serious tone of voice,

"How do you feel about everyone knowing about the two of you?"

I looked at her with uncertainty, trying to find the right words for it.

"I'm just a bit apprehensive right now." I sighed, I was silent for a moment. "It's just something we had to do. We'll have more freedom, and that can only be a good thing, right?"

She nodded,

"Let's hope so."

I could sense a bit of apprehension in her voice and in her attitude.

"You think we should've waited, don't you?"

"No, no," she reassured me, "I think you did what you thought was right... and I'm sure everything will be fine. It's a big step, that's all."

She looked at me with a motherly expression on her face.

"What?" I asked, chuckling.

She shook her head,

"You're all getting so big. You have changed so much in the past few years, so fast. Sometimes, I wish you were still twelve years old."

"Oh no, you don't really want that," I told her, remembering our childhood. "we were so out of control at that age, we were driving you crazy."

"Oh no, you were good kids," she remembered with a smile, "you know, in my mind, you just ran off without giving me the time to realize you were not little boys anymore."

"Oh, don't worry, Jane, we may be twenty-three, but I assure you, we're still kids."

She laughed slightly,

"I wish you were! But I'm afraid there's not much I can do now to protect you from the outside world. But then again, you don't seem to need it. I'm very proud of you," she smiled, "of everything you've achieved already. I'm amazed every day at what you're doing, and how well you're handling everything."

I smiled,

"We have come pretty far, haven't we? I can hardly believe it sometimes."

"Yes, you have. It's pretty amazing."

"I know, it really is. I love it so much, everything we do. It's brilliant! You know, to be a band, to play music all the time. And God, having a crowd of people in front of you just going off is the most amazing feeling ever. And you know what the best part is?" I smiled wickedly.

"What is that?" she asked.

"No one ever asks us to turn it down!" I exclaimed as I remembered how she always used to tell us to turn the music down in the evening.

She laughed,

"Ah, if I had known, I would have let you."

"Yeah, sure!" I smiled.

"I'm glad you're all making your dreams come true. You should be proud of yourself, you know ... because it has a lot to do with you that you're all so successful."

This was a nice compliment, but of course it was bound to make me a bit uncomfortable,

"Aw, don't," I begged.

"No Mark, really," she told me. "You know, Robbie was always pretty special as a kid. And now, he still is... But you, I think you were even more special. There's always been something more to you. Something I think your parents could never quite understand. There was more to you than any other kid. You're a jewel, Mark. I can see why Robbie loves you so much."

I could feel my cheeks reddening here, I had never been really at ease with people saying nice things about me. I looked down, suddenly fascinated by my nails, and I guess the expression on my face was betraying me.

"Just because your parents didn't make you feel special doesn't mean that you're not," she said kindly as she placed her hand on mine and squeezed it tight, "you're gonna have to start believing in yourself."

I looked up at her and looked down again,

"I'm trying."

"Maybe you should try a little harder," she said in a whisper. "listen to what Robbie tells you."

"Oh I listen, but I'm not sure I can really trust his judgment." I joked.

"Why can't you?"

"Because, I dunno, he's hardly objective. He seems to think that everything I do is perfect."

"Maybe it is," she said.

I looked at her and chuckled,

"You know, he's hardly objective, and you're hardly neutral."

She smiled at me,

"So, do you think that love just makes him blind?"

I shrugged my shoulders as if to say that it was a possible explanation.

"I don't think he's blind at all," she said.

We grew silent for a moment.

"But you know," I started saying, "sometimes I wish he wouldn't put me on a pedestal like this. I can't help but feel... maybe this is a little too perfect. It's like we have the kind of relationship some people spend their lives trying to find."

"Yes. You're lucky. The only advice I can give is to never take each other for granted," she said.

"I agree. But the thing is ...we've always been there for each other, so I guess, we tend to think it'll always be that way."

"It could be, as long as you communicate with each other, and don't let the little things get in the way."

I nodded and she added,

"Whatever will happen in the next few weeks, it'll make your relationship stronger. Try to be there for Robbie," she added, "because he'll need your support more than ever. It may seem like he can handle the pressure and the critics, but he cares a great deal about what people think of him."

"I know. He doesn't fool me. Don't worry. The thing is that he feels like he needs to protect me, and be the stronger one like he's always been."

"Oh, he's insecure too, you know. He leans on you as hard as you lean on him."

"Yeah, but since we were kids, with my parents and all, he's always...been there for me. He's always given me more than I've given him."

"I don't see it that way. You did give him something. You gave him your friendship. So he wasn't sneaking to your house to escape. He had no obvious reason why he needed you, but he did need you, so much, Mark. I think back then, he already needed you to show him he wasn't different." she told me, I smiled and she continued, "You know, he's always loved you. Not like he does now, but he's always wanted to be there for you. He's always tried to help you .... I've always seen it, you know. I didn't think it would turn out this way. I didn't think you would become lovers... but I've always seen the special love he had for you."

Well, it sure felt good to hear that.

"He made the whole situation with my parents a lot more bearable. You all did!" I said.

"Well, someone had to be there for you," she sighed.

We grew silent for a moment, but I think we both knew where the conversation was headed ; she was the first one to bring it up.

"Your parents know. Your mother came to see me last night. Your brother had told her."

My brows furrowed and I hissed, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what her reaction was.

"Has she told you I was gonna burn in hell?" I sniggered, pretty sure she had to be thinking it.

"No. But she blamed me for it," she said, slightly raising her eyebrows with a baffled expression on her face.

"Why?" I asked, just as puzzled.

"I let you sleep with my son all these years," she snorted.

I just shook my head in exasperation,

"That's ridiculous! Like that's what made us gay!"

"Yes, that's what I told her. I kind of had a row with her. She can be so ignorant."

I agreed and added with anger in my voice,

"You wouldn't have had to do that if she'd been there for me in the first place," I sighed. "You know, you were a better mother to me than she ever was."

"I know. I feel like I've practically raised you."

"You have." I confirmed, making sure she could hear gratitude in my voice, "I don't know what I would've done without you. You taught me so much more than they ever did. I don't think I'd be the person I am today if you hadn't been there for me."

"Oh, don't make me cry," she said sincerely, "I hope someday, you can find the strength to forgive her and talk to her again."

"I don't think I will. I'm done with them," I said, sounding assertive.

"She's your mother," she said softly, trying to convince me to take the first step.

"Yeah, not much of a mother!" I said with resentment.

"She tried to do what was best for you, believe me, she did," she explained, sounding sincere, but I couldn't possibly believe that.

"What was best for me?" I asked her a bit aggravated, "Staying with you all the time was what was best for me? It wasn't right. You can't possibly think that what you had to do was right? How could I ever forgive her? She left me alone, she never cared for me. Oh sure, she fed me, she bought me clothes. Everything a parent is supposed to do. But, barely. Christ, I remember how you had to take me to the doctor once because she wouldn't. I never felt that she loved me. I was never good enough, nothing I did was ever good enough for them."

"Mark," she said softly trying to make me stop, but I wasn't done.

"But... I never felt loved by her. She's always kept a huge distance, and that's not right. I mean, I've always felt so much more love from you than her. She made me feel like I wasn't worthy of love."

"I know," she said, saddened.

"When she let him hit me or talk to me the way he did, and when she let me slip out of the house, she had to know how much she was hurting me. I don't feel like she's ever been there for me, ever. You were. You were there for me. You've made me feel like I was your son too."

"I just tried to give you what she couldn't."

"Couldn't?" I asked, unable to understand.

"Yes, I guess she couldn't," she said sadly.

"How come?"

"Mark, there are things you don't know..."

I waited, but she didn't say more.

"What things?" I finally asked.

"I don't think I should be the one to tell you. It's something your mother should tell you. But I just want you to know that whatever has happened, she does love you. But she's never been able to show it to you."

I was suddenly overwhelmed with unanswered questions,

"Why not? What are you talking about? And why just me? They never treated Thomas or Amy the way they treated me. They were a lot nicer to them. They were all taking it out on me for some reason."

"Yes, I know. And there's an explanation for this. I hope someday, she'll be able to tell you, but I just think you should know that you need to talk to her again."

"I don't wanna talk to her again. Whatever it is, just tell me."

"You've got so much going on right now, don't make me add this, it's not..."

"Jane, you've said too much already. What is it that she should tell me?"

"Mark, I can't be the one to tell you!" she said, shaking her head, she looked worried that I would want to insist on more.

And I did.

"Well, you are gonna be the one to tell me. What is the big secret here? What? Did they adopt me or something?" I said as a joke.

"No... not exactly..." she answered softly.

"Not exactly? What's that supposed to mean?" she was being so cryptic, I needed to know what she was keeping from me.

I could see a few tears forming in her eyes.

"I don't wanna be the one to tell you this. You mother's gonna hate me for good if I tell you."

"I thought she already did. You made me gay, remember! ... Whatever it is, I need to know, and dammit, I have the right to know!"

"You do. You do deserve to know," she sighed.

"Then tell me... cause she won't!" I insisted until she caved.

"Oh god," she took a deep breath and hesitated for a long time.

I just watched her and waited, she looked at me and finally spoke,

"You know how you would always go to France for the summer?"

I nodded.

"When Thomas was two, they used to fight a lot. They had been married for five years, and they kinda hit a rough patch."

I just listened to her, she was not looking at me.

"And during that summer, she got pregnant with you... But..." she stopped talking, for too long...

'But what?"

She looked up at me and took a deep breath,

"She wasn't ... with James... they weren't... having sex."

I just stared at her and she looked down. We didn't say anything. I knew what that meant. I knew what she was telling me. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"What?" I asked.

There was evident shock in my voice,

"So, you mean, he's not my father?"

She shook her head, no.

"Oh my god!" I just uttered, fully realizing what she was telling me.

"I was her best friend," she continued, "when she found out she was pregnant, I was the first person she told. She couldn't have an abortion in Ireland so I told her to go to England but she wouldn't do it, she couldn't. She was too religious to ever do that. And she was married."

"But your father," I looked up at her when she said this, he was not my father.

She stopped and said,

"James, he knew you weren't his. Their relationship unraveled even more after this but they wouldn't get a divorce. So they just raised you as if you were his son."

She stopped talking again and shook her head as he added,

"But James never accepted this. I don't know how many times I heard him tell her, 'he's your son, you take care of it' when you were a baby."

She was crying as she told me this and the sincerity in her voice almost brought tears to my eyes.

"And then, things got better and she had Amy. But, she had the little girl she had always wanted, and she started being really hard on you. She stopped caring for you even more," she told me with so much emotion in her voice that tears started to fill my eyes.

"You were such a sweet child, and they treated you so bad, I couldn't just watch and do nothing. He was so mean to you, and she'd just let him, because she felt so guilty. I think she never allowed herself to love you."

"Are you alright?" she asked me after a few seconds of silence, as she saw that I was crying.

"I... I don't know. It's quite a bombshell you've just dropped on me."

"I'm sorry. I really wish I hadn't been the one to tell you this. But they've been keeping this from you for so long, and it's been so hard on you. So many times, I told her to tell you the truth. She'd always say she'd tell you when you're old enough to understand. But now, when I see what it's done to your relationship, I just know that she's never going to tell you. But you're an adult now and you need to know this ...and you're right, you have the right to know this."

For a few minutes, I didn't say anything. This was a lot to take in. My eyes were filled with tears, but I wasn't sad or mad, I was shocked. They had lied to me all these years. They had treated me like a non-person because of a mistake she had made. It was not my fault if she had cheated on him, why should I have had to pay for her mistakes? I remained silent.

I was trying to get over this and Jane said,

"I don't think your mother's ever been able to forgive herself for cheating on James, and so she's never been able to treat you as she should 've. I know seeing you every day reminded her of what she'd done. And she used to tell me that you looked a lot like him, which made it worse."

It suddenly hit me that I had a biological father somewhere,

"Do you know who he is?"

"No, I have no idea. And I don't think your mother kept in touch with him at all or even told him. He was just a summer fling."

"My god," I sighed "I'm kind of glad that he's not my father."

"I can understand that," she told me.

I recalled my childhood for a moment and added sadly and dazed,

"This makes so much sense. I was just a bastard child that he had to put up with. That's why he wasn't as hard on Thomas and Amy. How could they make me pay for something I had nothing to do with? Just lies!"

My mind was a bundle of emotions. There had been so many lies, so much deceit. I didn't feel it coming, but I started crying. She hugged me to her and let me cry, caring for me like only a mother could.

At some point, she whispered soothingly,

"You were not a mistake. Your mother's right about something, everything happens for a reason," she took my face in her hands, "alright? It was just meant to be."

I didn't know how much time had passed but when I finally let go of her, I got myself a tissue and a glass of water.

"It's about time you woke up!" She told Rob as he walked into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" he asked worriedly as he gave her a good morning hug and saw that we had been crying.

"Nothing to do with the coming out thing," she reassured him right away.

"Then what is it? Have you been crying?" he asked me with concern, although it was pretty obvious.

"I'm fine", I told him, trying to regain my composure."We were just talking."

"You don't look fine."

Rob wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug, and a few tears kept rolling down my cheeks as he did so. He rubbed my back as his mother started telling him the brief version of what she had just revealed to me, he was completely stunned, I think even more than I was.

"Holy shit, this makes so much sense!" he exclaimed.

"I know right!" I said to him, "Can you believe this? All this time, I had to put up with a stupid abusive asshole who wasn't even my father!"

"Oh this is so fucked up. Are we living in some kind of soap-opera all of a sudden?"

"That's why you don't even look like him, or Thomas! I've always thought that was weird. That's insane. How long have you known about this?" he asked his mother.

"Since.... before you were even born," she answered.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It was not my place."

"But mum, if you knew that was the reason why they treated him so bad, why didn't you do something?"

"I did do something," she said, raising her voice. "I took him in whenever he needed it. I tried to care for him as much as I could and to make things better with her. What more could I have done? There was nothing more I could do and it was none of my business."

"I know, I'm sorry, I know you did all that. But jesus mum, you should've told us!"

"I couldn't. I didn't even want to tell him today. It's a lot to process!"

We talked about it with her for a while. When there was nothing left to say, we went to the living room and I plopped down on the couch. Rob lay behind me and hugged me tight for a long moment as we talked about it some more.

"I wish there was something I could do," he said after a few minutes of silence.

"Just hold me. You're the only thing that can fix me right now." I said softly.

And he did just that.

We had planned on having lunch all together with Rob's mother so when the guys came over, we told them about it.

"Oh my god," Jordan sighed, "this shit with your parents is never gonna stop, is it?"

"Well, they're gonna die someday!" Damon said.

"Yeah... And then we'll meet again in hell!" I exclaimed with anger.

Rob looked at me with a frown, as if to say, you don't go to hell for being gay'

"Sorry" I quickly apologized, letting him know I didn't really mean that. I didn't even believe in hell or heaven. Our parents were Catholics or Protestants, not all practicing though, but none of us were really that into religion. I wouldn't have said that we were atheists, but quite close to it.

"Then who's your real father?" Dylan asked.

"I dunno. Just some guy," I sighed dramatically, not caring about it that much anymore.

"Maybe she knows more about him than what she told Jane," Jordan added.

"You know what? Can we just stop talking about it? Let's just leave it alone, ok?" I asked them as I stood up and walked away.

"Mark," Rachel called as she followed me. I entered the room where Rob and I kept a few instruments and slumped onto the couch.

"Rach, I'm fine, I just don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Oh come on, don't lie to me! I know you, you're not fine," she said as she sat next to me.

"Rach, don't! It just answers a lot of my questions as to why they always treated me so bad."

"I know how hard it must be for you to take this in. And you probably need Rob more than you need me right now, but if you need to talk, you know I'm here."

"I know."

"No, I mean it Mark. I want you to talk to me. I want to know that you're okay and I want to help you if you're not."

"I know," I told her again, thankful to still have her in my life.

"Yeah you do, but instead of talking to me, or anyone else, you're gonna keep it all inside."

"I won't!" I insisted, trying to make her drop the subject.

"Yes you will!".

She knew she was right, and I knew that she was, but I couldn't really do things any differently.

"You need to talk to your parents about this!" she told me in an assertive tone.

"I don't want to!" I said, shaking my head, there was no way I was going to talk to them again any time soon.

"How can you not want to?" she asked, bewildered.

"What's the point? Jane wasn't even supposed to have told me!"

"But, how can you not want to throw that you know about this in their faces?"

"Well, I don't. I was raised to keep quiet, you know!"

"Well, maybe it's time you stopped!"

"Fine, maybe I will. Can we drop it now? Can we do that?" I insisted.

"Fine." she sighed, finally giving up, she knew there was no point insisting when I had decided not to do something, "You know I love you, right?"

I smiled,

"I know."

There was nothing romantic about that anymore. It was just feelings of friendship but at the same time it was love, just not romantic love. We hadn't said that to each other a lot since we had broken up yet I was completely comfortable saying it to her.

"Ok, so please don't be your usual 'I'll deal with this by myself' alright, don't keep it all inside, you don't need to."

"When am I ever like that?" I joked because I was all the time, I would always try to fix things on my own before asking for help.

We were silent for a moment until she said with a sigh,

"Now, I bet she thinks you being gay is God's punishment," she rolled her eyes and I chuckled.

"And my father will most likely be the first one to comfort her in that thought."

"They are so fucked up!" she exclaimed.

I wrapped an arm around her and hugged her to me for a moment.

"Thanks for always being here for me," I told her as I kissed her forehead.

"You're welcome," she said as she snuggled up to me.

We hung out all together all afternoon and all evening. We couldn't exactly leave the building anyway. I didn't even check social media, I wanted to keep the positive comments I had read the previous night in mind.

With our help, Rob's mum cooked a great dinner for all of us. Soon after we had finished our meal, Rob stood up and went to the room where Rachel and I had talked. He stayed in there for a long time and after half an hour of waiting for him to come back into the living room, I decided to join him. I wanted to be alone with him. I felt like I needed it.

When I opened the door, I blinked once or twice to get my eyes used to the dim light. He was sitting on the couch, cross-legged, and strumming a guitar lazily.

It was resting in his lap and his fingers were sliding along the neck of it with a lover's touch. He had removed his sweat-shirt and was just wearing a white tank top. I could see the muscles in his tanned arms moving as he strummed.

I rested my body against the closed door and just watched him, focusing on the sound of his voice and of his guitar.

He cleared his throat and hummed a few notes. He moved his fingers into an E chord and strummed and hummed louder. He picked out a simple rhythm, but as he opened his mouth to sing, the words must have died. His hand fell into his lap and he slumped over his guitar.

"Christ, Mark!" he complained to me eventually.

I glanced up at him sympathetically. I had been in this sort of rut often enough to know how annoying and frustrating it was. Something in you that's trying to get out, something beautiful, but you can't let it out. Something's holding it back. But if only you could just stop being so afraid, the beautiful thing would come out and everything would be all right. I kept quiet, not knowing what to say. I just watched him. Slowly he raised his head and eyed me suspiciously.

He rested his chin on the curve of his guitar's body,

"I know I've got a new song here but it doesn't seem like it wants to come out."

I walked over to the couch. I took a deep breath and took the guitar from his hands. I placed it on the floor and straddled him. I decided to let my emotions get the best of me, and reached for the back of his neck with both of my hands. I pulled his face against mine, my lips enveloping his own. I felt his hands reaching behind my back as a small laugh moved through his lips and he embraced me.

I didn't care about what anybody thought, my parents, my siblings, my family, our fans, the media, I didn't give a shit about any of them anymore. I loved him and as I kissed him, I knew I would never hunger for another person this much. I would never have this passion with someone else, I was so sure of that.

We kissed lovingly for a couple of minutes until he lay on the couch and I quickly crawled on top of him, my lips hardly ever leaving his own. I didn't know what he thought this meant, and I guess I didn't either, but I knew I wanted him. His arms moved up and down my back as I continued kissing him.

"You taste so good," I said to him, kissing his cheek, letting my tongue slip out a little, them moving to his chin.

He sighed as I started kissing his neck, moving down to his collarbone. I sat back for a moment and Rob sat up as I pulled his tank top over his head and then fell back on top of him, letting our bodies press against each other.

"Oh, God," he sighed in between my kisses.

I looked into his eyes. They were so full of love and I wondered if mine contained the same. I didn't even know how far I was planning on going, I just wanted to feel close to him, to love him, but when I found myself kissing his stomach and untying his jogger pants, I began to get a vague idea. Rob let out a loud moan as my hand slid against his cock, forcing me to remind him that everyone was hanging out in the living room, on the other side of the door.

"Sorry," he whispered. I yanked his pants down and took his gorgeous cock in my hand, staring at it admiringly before taking it into my mouth.

I heard him inhale deeply from above as I moved his legs further apart. I didn't know how much time was passing. I felt like I had been temporarily brought to another plane of existence as I licked his balls and then his cock like it was a lollipop, sucked on the head. I savoured the precum that was easing out of the slit, took him down to the base, smelling his manly scent that was driving me wild.

I was brought back to reality only when I heard him telling me that he was about to cum. I could have decided to move onto another activity, but I just couldn't. I wanted all of him. I couldn't get enough of his taste and smell. I shifted my eyes upward to see his hand reaching up to grab the armrest of the couch as he began to cum in my mouth. Thick loads pumped out of him and I knew he was doing everything in his power to stay quiet.

I swallowed his seed greedily, eventually taking my mouth off of his wet, spent cock. At that moment, I felt content and hard as hell.

Rob sat up to press his mouth against mine, slowly lowering me onto my back as he took my place. He pulled my own pants down and licked the inside of my thighs. He pushed his face into my ball sack, licking anything he came into contact with. Then I felt him grab my hard member and guide it into his mouth. His tongue felt like a velvet rope as I felt it gliding up and down the underside of my cock. His lips formed a tight seal around my cock, creating a small cavern where his tongue had free reign. The sensations were all so familiar.

Rob being highly skilled in every activity he enjoyed, especially when my body was involved, after a few minutes of him licking, sucking and deepthroating my cock, I couldn't take it anymore, and I came in his mouth, my mind briefly thinking that this is how I wanted it to be forever.

After, we lay next to each other, spent. It was just familiar and right. We stayed quiet, contentedly gazing into each other's eyes.

"I didn't expect this," he said, eventually. "I thought you had other things on your mind tonight."

It had been a very long and intense couple of days, and I realized that I hadn't expected any of the things that had happened to happen, including having sex with him.

"You're on my mind," I told him sincerely, "I just wanted you. I don't care what anybody thinks about why we should or shouldn't be together... certainly not what my mother thinks. Even more so now that I know she's been lying to me my whole life. I don't give a shit anymore!" I said resolutely.

"You're absolutely right, I guess I shouldn't give a shit either."

"No you shouldn't." I agreed and after a moment added. "You know what? I just love you. And you're the only person I'll ever be this attracted to in my life, I know that... I could never understand that part," I laughed, "But I've never wanted to fight it. We're just meant to be together, simple as that. I know we can take anything they throw at us as long as we've got each other," I said, nuzzling closer to him.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve you."

"Nothing, you're just yourself. I know you're the only person who will love me no matter what. It's just chemistry, go figure!" I smiled.

"I will." he promised.

"I know."

"For what it's worth, you're the best mistake she's ever made. Whoever that guy is, I'm glad he fucked her," he laughed and I did too.

"Fuck, that's so weird, I can't even imagine her having sex with anyone."

"Must've been quite a stud! Good for her," he joked, " maybe he was the lifeguard in the swimming pool," he added dreamily.

"Come on, stop!" I begged.

We laughed way too hard at this, as he imagined all sort of scenarios. It was a good way to play down the whole thing.

We eventually stopped laughing and I asked him,

"So, tell me about that song you were trying to write when I interrupted you."

"Oh, I don't know. Do you remember what you told me before? When you said you needed me to fix you?"

I nodded.

"I think that's a song right there."

"Yeah? What do you have in mind?"

"I'm not sure. Do you wanna help me?" he asked.

"Yeah, let's do that!" I agreed impatiently.

He told me about the first lyrics he had come up with and I tried to find a good melody. We worked on the lyrics and the melody for about half an hour, until we decided to ask the guys for help.

When we went back into the living room, I noticed there were a few champagne flutes on the table, as well as a beer bottle.

"Hey! We were about to come and get you!" Dylan exclaimed.

Damon added,

"But no one was bold enough to walk in on you, not even Jord!" he laughed as he looked at him with a smile.

"I would've!" Jordan joked.

I laughed,

"We were just working on a song!"

Damon let out a chuckle,

"We're supposed to believe that?"

"We were!" I confirmed with a laugh, "And we actually need your help!"

"Alright," Dylan said, unconvinced, "but we're gonna celebrate first!"

"Are you serious!" Rob said.

"Yeah, very!" Jordan said as he popped open the cold beer bottle and handed it over to Rob, who knew what he had to do. We took part in an old tradition that we had practiced since... well, nearly since the first drink we shared together. Rob took a long drink, then handed it to me. I took a swig from it, then passed it to Dylan, who followed my suit, then Damon, and Jordan was last. He finally gave the bottle back to Rob, who finished what was left. When he slapped the empty beer bottle back on the table, somehow, we just felt more relaxed, ready to just laugh and talk together easily, with no tension in the air, if there'd been any.

We all knelt beside the coffee table and Rachel and Jane joined us.

"Oh, now I'm worried," Jane said, as she saw the bottles of alcohol.

Jordan had placed a few more on the table. "Is this what you boys do when I'm not here?"

"Oh no, no, no, Jane, don't worry," Jordan said in a reassuring tone, "we're being good boys, we only get hammered when you're here so you can supervise," he joked.

She rolled her eyes as Damon picked up the bottle of champagne and proceeded to open it. He removed the foil wrap, placed one hand on the neck of the bottle and maintained pressure with his thumb. Then he removed the wire cage, but he didn't hold the cork firmly. Instead he pushed on it a little, on purpose I'd say. The bottle's pressure popped the cork, and the funniest thing happened. It hit Jordan right on the forehead. If he had wanted to do it on purpose, it wouldn't have succeeded.

"For fucks sake!!!" Jordan yelled and fell onto his back as he rubbed his forehead vigorously to make the pain go away.

Damon poured champagne into the glasses as it was quickly coming out of the bottle,

"Are you okay?" he asked with a laugh.

"No, I'm not. Are you trying to kill me?" Jord complained.

"Let me see," Rachel asked Jordan as she leaned down.

He removed his hand. There was indeed a small red spot on his forehead, but it was nothing to worry about.

"You're fine, you'll survive," she told him, amused, and rubbed the spot. We were all concerned for a second but we quickly cracked up laughing at the unlikeliness of the situation.

"I'm such a good shot," Damon laughed.

"Fuck you, dude!! You're lucky now is not the time to get back at you!"


We seriously had the best fit of laughter. There had been so much tension for the last couple of days that we all needed this, especially me.

We finally all had a sip of champagne and Rob spoke as he moved closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Alright! There's something I'd like to say! First, Damon, thank you for that. He had it coming!" he joked, Jordan being the one who had pressured us to come out the most.

"No problem. I'll do it again anytime!"

"You are so ungrateful!" Jordan complained jokingly, "I only have your best interests at heart, and that's how you repay me!"

We laughed and Rob continued,

"Uh, well, I'd like to thank you all for being so supportive. You all know how much that means to us. I mean, I realise that this will have an impact on all of you, not just Mark and me, so, thank you for being such great friends. I'm glad that you're here to help us go through this. It really means the world to us."

"Amen to that!" Dylan said, raising his glass.

They looked at me, waiting for me to say something too,

"You know what, Rob's said it perfectly. I don't have anything else to add."

"Well, I do," Jordan announced.

"It's nice of you to thank us and all," he started, "but seriously, how could we not be supportive? Because, for me, as far as our friendship goes, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I'm not even drunk yet, so rest assured, I'm totally honest! Unless maybe I've got a concussion!" he joked as he rubbed his forehead again. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that we love you and that we're very proud of you. You're our best friends, god dammit, and we just want you to be happy... Actually, what I think, is that we need you to be happy."

"Why is that?" I asked him with a smirk.

" 'Cause, when everyone says that U-N-I's got chemistry! Well, I think that most of that chemistry comes from you and what you've got together. Things wouldn't be the same if you guys weren't together anymore."

We smiled. We knew he was right about that. I didn't even want to think about what would happen to the band if for some reason Rob and I ever broke up. I didn't see any reason why we would, but I could only hope we'd be able to stay friends and still make the band a priority.

"I know it's difficult and scary for you right now but I'm sure than in a few weeks, you won't even remember what it was like to not be out. I know everyone will support you, but even if they don't, it's fine! 'Cause we don't need everyone to be on our side. A little bit of controversy's never killed anyone. Plus I bet you'll have a lot of fun with that, won't you, Rob!"

"I think I will!" he chuckled.

"I know you didn't want to shout it to everyone by making a big announcement, but at least now, you got it out of the way!"

"Yeah," Rachel said, "and can I just say, while we're doing this! I'm so proud of you too cause, well, you're not afraid to let the world see who you are, and everyone will admire you for that, 'cause the more honest and open you are with people, the more they respect you. I'm sure you're gonna be an example to a lot of guys."

"Absolutely!" Jordan agreed. "Hey, if I were gay, I'd be in love with you!" he joked.

Rob chuckled and looked at him lustfully, until Jordan rolled his eyes and exclaimed,

"IF!"

Rob laughed. Lately, we were constantly flirting with Jordan to piss him off because it worked so well. Jordan had always been a pretty boy, but now that he was older, he was fucking hot! He really was attractive, and he knew it too. When it came to his looks, having gay guys as his best friends definitely had its perks and he knew how to take advantage of it. He'd often work out with us or ask for fashion tips. For instance, he'd always ask us,

"Would you snog me?" before leaving for a date to know if he looked good enough.

He knew that if we found him attractive, then he was good to go!

Rachel continued. "I think there's a lot of straight guys who'd love to be in your shoes, and have your looks and your talent," Rachel said, "so maybe that'll force some of 'em to be a bit more open minded."

"Oh yeah, that's true..." Damon started saying, as he seemed to remember an anecdote. "Look at me here, for instance. I tried to look like you guys once. Remember, Rach? And then you had to ground me because I was taking clothes from your wardrobe," he joked.

"See, what did I tell you!" she said with a laugh.

"Are you saying I dress like a girl?" Rob said, pretending to be mad.

"Well I don't own half as many tight t-shirts as you do."

Rob grabbed a pillow and threw it at Damon.

"Yeah, you guys are awesome!" Dylan concluded, "Let's drink!"

We clinked glasses again and drank to a bright future.

We hung out together for a while. It was fun, familiar and comfortable. We eventually told them about the song Rob had in mind. They were immediately enthusiastic about it and Dylan suggested the song should slowly start on the keyboard, with the sound of an organ.

We worked on it until we could barely keep our eyes open. This time, I was tired before Rob was and I was the first one to go to bed, with a frustrating feeling of unfinished work, but the song was off to a good start.

For the next few days, we worked on it. Again, we tried to write lyrics that everyone would be able to relate to in a way or another, and soon it felt finished. It started as a beautiful, intimate, sad and sentimental song, and then we found ways to build suspense while progressing toward an inevitable crashing climax.

We couldn't wait to record it in the studio and to play it live, which was the reason why we knew it was going to be a number one single and one of the fans' favourite. There was no doubt in my mind about this. It was a hit song. It was the first one we completed for the new album, and it made us want to begin to seriously write new material. I already had many ideas in mind. I knew there would be a song about coming out, but it was all too fresh for now.

I'd also had a break up song almost completely written in my mind for a long time, inspired by Rachel, but I'd never wanted to go as far as to record it or play it to to them. I didn't want to hurt anyone, or maybe I couldn't make Rob sing a song about me breaking up with her.

But I knew I had something really good there, and that eventually, I would have to show it to them and that they'd want to record it.

Moreover, we still entertained the idea of working with Bono and Rihanna on this new album, which was exhilarating.

But for now, we were off to a good start with "Fix you". The main lyrics were,

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you.