Ugh relationship advice please ?

[Samuelg]

right this is gonna sound lame but here goes

im 18 and a virgin. never had a relationship (except a female one when i was about 14 eurg) and i now have a few issues.

firstly there is this really sweet guy interested in me we shall call him L and he is such an amazingly nice guy and he makes me laugh but there is just something about him that makes me think that i wouldnt like to be in a relationship with him. however this might just be that i am REALLY scared i would fuck it up. i have no idea how to have a partner or what to do.

the second problem is that i am kinda hung up on a straight guy (or so he says but he isnt really your typical alpha male 19 year old) i know who is an even more amazing guy who i have been friends with for a few years. he makes me laugh even more and is also very hot.

I know i cant pursue a relationship with a straight guy and i should really go with the gay guy i like and who likes me im just unsure.

so to sum up

Im not sure i fancy L
Im scared i dont know how to be in a relationship properly
I am head over heels in love with my "straight" friend
and im really fucking confused

any advice would be awesome

 

[altlover85]

I would just date L and go from there. If you aren't feeling the connection after the first few dates and/or are still feeling the same thing for your straight friend then I would move on.

 

[Lube]

^I agree. That sounds like great advice.

Maybe someday Prince Charming will admit he's gay. No point in waiting for him now.

 

[Samuelg]

Thank guys. the problem is that i would feel totally awful breaking up with L as he is so sweet and i just dont see it with him.

One day i predict prince charming may come out as gay and it will be amazing, we regularly tell each other we love each other but thats just cause we are little emos

 

[altlover85]

Let's not put the cart before the horse. You can have a few dates with L and it shouldn't leave him totally crushed if things don't work out. But I wouldn't go into it thinking about it breaking up (or lasting forever) but just try and be comfortable with things.

 

[medic1]

So while you are making up your mind about the straight guy go with he should not be to crushed after just a few dates. This has to be one of the most cold hearted bits of so called advice i have heard here.

What happens when you do finish with L it is written all over your post unless you are so honest at the start you are going to perhaps break a really sweet guy's heart and for what ??

You don't come across as a guy who could be so callous the fact that you are asking for advice shows this, could you maybe explain that you like L but you don't want to get into anything to heavy to quickly and then suggest a couple of dates and see what happens that way you are making no commitments and are being honest from the start, you seem a decent guy how would you fell if that was done to you?

Just be open and honest that way if it does not work out you can walk away with a clear conscience. Good luck on your choice fella.

 

[KaraBulut]

firstly there is this really sweet guy interested in me we shall call him L and he is such an amazingly nice guy and he makes me laugh but there is just something about him that makes me think that i wouldnt like to be in a relationship with him. however this might just be that i am REALLY scared i would fuck it up. i have no idea how to have a partner or what to do.

Dating is supposed to be practice. And it's supposed to be fun.

When you were learning to ride a bike, you didn't get on the bike and pedal yourself to the Tour de France to compete on your first day. When you were learning, you got on the bike (probably with training wheels), you fell off the bike, you skinned your knees but after repeated practice, you got better at it. Once you got better at it, you got rid of the training wheels and maybe bought yourself a better, faster bike.

So, all this talk about "relationships" for an inexperienced virgin is way ahead of where you should be. You should be dating, enjoying the company of a nice person for what it is. Chances are that the first few people you date aren't going to be "the one" and you'll (hopefully) learn to make better choices. After you've dated for a while and made mistakes, you'll appreciate it when a nice guy who cares about you comes into your life.

the second problem is that i am kinda hung up on a straight guy (or so he says but he isnt really your typical alpha male 19 year old) i know who is an even more amazing guy who i have been friends with for a few years. he makes me laugh even more and is also very hot.

Crushes on straight guys and friends are fine. But they're also a big waste of time and life will pass you by while you hope for something that will probably never happen.

And it's also a bad pattern to get into in life- chasing after lost causes while you let nice people slip away.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, let's just nip this chasing straight guys thing in the bud. Whatever may happen with the straight guy IN THE FUTURE, he doesn't want you NOW.

Read that again. There's a poster in here who has a friend who chased after some woman for years and years and years, and then she married someone else and told him to get lost.

Do you want to be that guy? I didn't think so. Here's how you get over your straight crush, you go date a bunch of gay guys who are willing to touch your cock. You don't have to get into relationships with them, you don't have to commit, hell, you don't even have to sleep with them. What you have to do is open your eyes to how much fucking better it is to feel wanted and have your attentions returned.

No straight guy on the planet will ever give you that rush, and once you've had it, you realize how sad it is to run after the unwilling.

Think about it.

Now, you're not into "we shall call him L." That's pretty obvious, and whether that's because you're all caught up in straight guys, or you just aren't into him, it's not fair to lead him on, so I'm going to suggest you make "we shall call him L" your buddy and gay wing-man, and go find some gay boys to play with both of you.

Who knows maybe somewhere down the line you will develop an attraction to him. Stranger things have happened.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh and Kara is right, date a few guys before you jump into things. The more you see, the better your decision making gets.

 

[altlover85]

So while you are making up your mind about the straight guy go with he should not be to crushed after just a few dates. This has to be one of the most cold hearted bits of so called advice i have heard here.

What happens when you do finish with L it is written all over your post unless you are so honest at the start you are going to perhaps break a really sweet guy's heart and for what ??

You don't come across as a guy who could be so callous the fact that you are asking for advice shows this, could you maybe explain that you like L but you don't want to get into anything to heavy to quickly and then suggest a couple of dates and see what happens that way you are making no commitments and are being honest from the start, you seem a decent guy how would you fell if that was done to you?

I'm not talking about getting married to L. I'm telling him to go on a few dates and get to know L so that he knows if it's L he doesn't like or if he's hung up on this straight guy. I wouldn't make any commitments to L during this dating period.

 

[medic1]

Dont wriggle out of it you said he should not be to crushed after just a few dates.
How do you know what the guy would feel?
You put it across wrong at least stand up to it i have made some crackers on this site but i have always manned up not tryed to wriggle out.

 

[altlover85]

Dont wriggle out of it you said he should not be to crushed after just a few dates.
How do you know what the guy would feel?
You put it across wrong at least stand up to it i have made some crackers on this site but i have always manned up not tryed to wriggle out.

I don't think L should be crushed after a few dates. When you're dating someone you shouldn't get too invested in things until you've had a few dates and it's been a few months generally speaking. I'm not saying I always do that, but I think it's a good way to approach things.

If you both hit it off during the date, great. But you never really know beforehand. I'm simply saying be prepared either way.

And the only reason why I even advised the OP to go on a date with L is because the OP said his lackluster feelings may be due to the fact that he's scared he might screw things up. I would say that means the OP probably cares about L.

 

[medic1]

Altlover85 i hace read tons of your posts and they are usually good even if i have not agreed sometimes we all have an opinion.
But you just cant say he should not be to crushed after a few dates is just so wrong you dont know how the other guy would feel and to so casually say that
and then to try and wriggle out of such bad cold advice is 1 thing i then compared my post to yours and apart from that bit of crap yours was almost identical wanna add plagarism or just fess up to making a bad call,we have all done it as i said in my last post but even now you cant see anything wrong,am not gonna post on this subject again except to say being honest sometimes can be shitty but is never wrong.
Have a good time over the santa madness fella