Ugh...

[Atomw7]

I guess this is a rant, but I'm not sure where to post it. Mods, feel free to move it.

Ok, so a back story of what I've been through in my life: Minor abuse when I was younger, minor molestation, and bullying.

When I was 16 I got with a guy (guy A) who was 19, things were going good. I introduced him to my online friend (guy B), and they talked. Guy A then tells me he's moving, but doesn't tell me much, so I figure we could still talk online and such. Then I find out he moved with guy B and didn't tell me until AFTER he moved!

Recently, I was with someone for about a year, then I moved 900 miles and spent over $4,000 moving and such to be with him. Before I moved we agreed we would have a closed relationship after I moved. Well, a couple weeks after I move he says he wants an open relationship or it won't work. We end up breaking up (after many lies and cheating on me) a few months after I move, and I have to wait out the lease (A few months left!). Yesterday he tells me the guy he's been "dating" is now in a closed relationship with him.

That was the people I've been with, not for the people I haven't been with:
I try to meet people that I'm interested in. If they are cute (not mandatory) and have a good personality, I'll try to meet and such. I always end up scaring them away. Either being too outgoing, too shy, too persistent, too interested, or too open. Some I got a chance with and ruined, other's I haven't.

The ones I'm not interested in, but would probably hang out with either want sex right away, or (I assume, and can tell) want a close friendship for the benefits. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, but not with just anyone, and it's something I hold value in.

Life is frustrating (and damn hard, there's a *LOT* I've been through that I didn't mention.), I give up on friends.

 

[KaraBulut]

If your profile is accurate, you are 20 years old.

Why the hurry?

 

[Atomw7]

If your profile is accurate, you are 20 years old.

Why the hurry?

Because currently, and for the past year, I have made/had 0 friends. I moved and lost the friends I had, and it has been hard on both sides to keep in touch. I haven't really been out anywhere except with my ex in the year I've been here, and it's starting to get to me.

 

[Beau69]

Well, let me start this by saying, "I hope youre learning from your experiences?"

And if youre looking for friends, make friends without any hidden agendas. most everyone wants to have a sucessful relationship, but it its not the right time....its just not the right time. Youre young and have LOTS of time to experience life. Let those life experiences determine the ultimate relationship you'd really want to be in. Take it slow. Enjoy life!

 

[jockboy01]

Okay, a few things. First, I'm moving this to the coming out/ relationships section as it seems relationship based. If you prefer to leave it here... let me know.

Second, rule number 1 imo... never move simply for a guy unless it has been an LTR (aka greater than two years). The odds of it working unless you know you want to be together aren't good. If moving to place b/c you want to move there and there is the benefit of the guy being there... fine. But just for a guy is a big no no imo.

I totally feel all of you anxiety and frustration with dating guys. Been there done that... continue to do so. My friends get tired of hearing me bitch about gay guys anymore haha. And yes, many of them want to have sex right away. I find if they can't wait, they're not worth it.

As stated, you're young... hell, a lot younger than me. No rush. This problem is going to be there for a while. I'd say to just get friends... friends only, not looking for a relationship. Enjoy hanging out and just having fun and being yourself. Eventually the right boy will find you (or at least that's what I keep telling myself) and in the mean time, you get to have a good time not worrying about a relationship.

 

[Atomw7]

But I have been looking for friends also. The stuff I stated about too shy, too persistent and such was directed towards making friends, and even wanting to date.

 

[FunDude]

errr.. never move in with someone until theres a ring on someones finger.

I learned from watch my older brothers relationships.. >.>

Not a good idea. <.<

I dunno why you would have problems making friends and getting dates either.. Not to sound like.. aggressive or anything, or too forward.. But you're really attractive. At least from what I see anyways..

 

[rareboy]

Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

The first thing is to forgive everyone and yourself and to let all the old baggage go. It may be standing in the way of you making friends, particularly if it surfaces with people you don't know intimately.

The next thing is being too persistent. Stop it. Just relax and accept each person and situation.

Next, take full responsibility for your actions. So you moved. So it cost $4,000.00. That's over. Would it have mattered less if it only cost $1000.00? Or ten times more if it cost $40,000.00? You're the one who moved. If the guy lied to you and promised you an exclusive relationship, then shame on him. If you just assumed it would happen because you were now there, shame on you.

Again, just relax, be open to friendships of all kinds and stop being so earnest and needful.

 

[Atomw7]

Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

The first thing is to forgive everyone and yourself and to let all the old baggage go. It may be standing in the way of you making friends, particularly if it surfaces with people you don't know intimately.


Again, just relax, be open to friendships of all kinds and stop being so earnest and needful.

The only person I've blamed in my post was my ex(es), I was careful with my wording.

I have been open to friendships of all kinds, excluding sexual ones. I guess my post came across wrong.

 

[FunDude]

Umm..

Are you able to move back from where you came? Or???

 

[Atomw7]

Umm..

Are you able to move back from where you came? Or???

In 3 months, or else I'd have to pay a lease breaking fee. I lost my friends there when I moved since I was so busy here. So it's not like moving will make a difference.

I'm just tired of sitting around my apartment all day. (and all month!)

 

[FunDude]

In 3 months, or else I'd have to pay a lease breaking fee. I lost my friends there when I moved since I was so busy here. So it's not like moving will make a difference.

I'm just tired of sitting around my apartment all day. (and all month!)

Ick my brother had to deal with that too.. :/

He recently moved back here, with our parents.. Xp

Err.. If you're bored, it wouldn't hurt to get a job would it? :/
Or you already have jobs?
Family? Xp

Sorry, just trying to help out a lil..

 

[paboy67]

hi Atom

you are an incredibly cute guy (which you have been told already)

you have a lovely smile - and obviously have a great personality (we can tell this from your posts)

you are only young and have your whole life in front of you

some people have stuffed you around

not everyone will do that to you

don't sit around at home all day - unless you are going to be posting some more explicit pics for us!!

get out there and live life - and if others think you are too instense - that is their problem - and if they don't accept you (and your probably very nice) personality, do you really want them as friends?

true friends will accept you totally and utterly - for what you are

the same applies for relationships


we like you just the way you are (unless of course you are a psycho stalking bitch masquerading as a cute nice guy - which I seriously doubt!)

Just want to give you a big hug - all the way from Sydney

or of course, you could make your next move over to Austrlaia - there is still time to get you on a float for the Mardi Gras - you would deserve one just for you!!

take care dude

 

[Atomw7]

don't sit around at home all day - unless you are going to be posting some more explicit pics for us!!

get out there and live life - and if others think you are too instense - that is their problem - and if they don't accept you (and your probably very nice) personality, do you really want them as friends?

It's just frustrating because this should be a great/fun time in my life, and I should be with friends. The only problem is that I have nobody to do anything with! How do you suggest I "live life?"

Just want to give you a big hug - all the way from Sydney

or of course, you could make your next move over to Austrlaia - there is still time to get you on a float for the Mardi Gras - you would deserve one just for you!!

If I had the money I would go to Australia in a second! I've always wanted to go to a pride parade just to see how it is.... Plus I love the accents.

 

[paboy67]

It's just frustrating because this should be a great/fun time in my life, and I should be with friends. The only problem is that I have nobody to do anything with! How do you suggest I "live life?"

hi mate, that is the $64,000 question. what do you normally do? - and how have you met the 'friends' who have dissed you? are you working? Gay bars? Straight bars? what about at the gym you go to? any Jubbers in your area?

It is hard to tell you what exactly to do, but I know, as you do, that you won't meet any new friends (other than on-line) sitting around at home tlaking to your dog!

this is assuming that you aren't living in a retirement village?

I've gotta go now - funeral for my 2nd cousin - only 37 - and they think that he topped himself - very very sad. will be back online this afternoon (here) for a chat if you are around.

caring deeply from the other side of the world

 

[Atomw7]

what do you normally do?

With the people? Bowl, eat, movies, chat, whatever else.

how have you met the 'friends' who have dissed you?

Online.

are you working?

Freelancer, so I don't work with others.

Gay bars? Straight bars?

Not old enough/never been.

what about at the gym you go to?

I don't go to a gym. (Though, if I had money for a trainer I would. )

any Jubbers in your area?

Lets not go there.

 

[paboy67]

Quote:
Originally Posted by paboy67
what do you normally do?

With the people? Bowl, eat, movies, chat, whatever else.

the people? - other human beings? - any of these people you friends? - or do you do all of these things with strangers?

If they are strangers - try talking to them - make some connections

Quote:
Originally Posted by paboy67
how have you met the 'friends' who have dissed you?

Online.

OK, new tactic, not online - or keep trying - there are nice guys out there

Quote:
Originally Posted by paboy67
are you working?

Freelancer, so I don't work with others.

agreed - difficult - I have been working from home since October - I am going stir crazy - hence I am now online for some human interaction - I have been tlaking to myself (not good) and to my 3 cats -who only deign to talk to me cos they think that I might feed them - maybe better get a dog!



Quote:
Originally Posted by paboy67
Gay bars? Straight bars?

Not old enough/never been.


sorry, forgot about your really backwards alcohol laws over there - here you can go to bars at 18 - OK, another bummer

Quote:
Originally Posted by paboy67
what about at the gym you go to?

I don't go to a gym. (Though, if I had money for a trainer I would. )


again - difficult


Quote:
Originally Posted by paboy67
any Jubbers in your area?


Lets not go there.


probably a good idea, but then again, why not?

I can't work out how to multi quote in replies - grrr


hope you are learning to like your own company. Feel for you - really do

 

[Martkell2007]

My 2 cents is that you stop looking for friends and just focus on your own hobbies and goals. Once you focus on those 2 items, you'll meet people with similar interests and those people will become your friends.

And once you are comfortable in your life and stop looking for a man, one will fall in your lap.

And once you have a boyfriend who you love and he loves you, men from all over will want you.

 

[paboy67]

that is REALLY good advice Marktell

just stop looking

I decided after a shitty relationship ended to play the scene - had my list of guys I wanted to get with from while I was in the relationship - and never got to get with any of them, cos my current partner walked into my life within 2 days - which sort of shot mylist to pieces!