uh this life

[greathollow]

i am not sure if this is the right forum
anyway i am torn between two decisions
one : is stay and live my life "normally" and stay close to my family.
two: is just leave the place where i am right now , and just live my life as gay.
the problem is my family knows about me and they are not willing to accept me no matter what , but i love them so much and i can't really imagine my life without my family , but then again i can't imagine my life with no man in it.
i am attracted to older guys , i am 25 and i love men over 40 this also doesnt make it easier.
my family in no way accept the thought of me leaving and living in another place and keeping in touch with them.
i just don't know what to do.. i do want to be free and live my life as it should be , i have no problem with being gay but others do , and it makes it harder when it's the people who's close to you who do not accept you , they know that for 5 years now but nothing changed since they still think its not normal and tottaly against it.
i would love to hear your thoughts on what should i do.

sorry if my english is bad

 

[ReBeL B0Y]

I exactly know what you're talkin' about,I am 26 & my family doesn't know anything about me & won't find out my secret ever... 'cause of some personal reasons I won't tell'em...
I suggest you to leave your town or even your country, and keep the family away from your personal life, so you won't lose them...this is what I'm going to do!
Don't fight with yourself, You've got to live your life...

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Two is what you need to do.

 

[hospanks123]

Have you tried something like Daddyhunt.com? Not for hookups purely, but to look for someone to talk to at least. There are some nice older guys on there from a lot of different places.

 

[greathollow]

I exactly know what you're talkin' about,I am 26 & my family doesn't know anything about me & won't find out my secret ever... 'cause of some personal reasons I won't tell'em...
I suggest you to leave your town or even your country, and keep the family away from your personal life, so you won't lose them...this is what I'm going to do!
Don't fight with yourself, You've got to live your life...

i would go back in time and not tell them but the already know my whole family knows not just my close family , over the years i revealed my secrets to them 1 by 1 looking for somekind of support.

Two is what you need to do.

it is not easy but i guess its the right decision , i am still confused

Have you tried something like Daddyhunt.com? Not for hookups purely, but to look for someone to talk to at least. There are some nice older guys on there from a lot of different places.

thanks i will check it out.

 

[iheartdaddies]

I'm not much a speaker on this forum, as you can tell, since this being my very first post ever. But I really wanted to respond because I was kind of in the same situation. Now, my question is, you really didn't make it clear...so they know you're Gay and just isn't accepting it? Or they have an idea that you are Gay and are just waiting for you to say it, but for the mean time.... ignoring it?

Anyways... I'm Catholic and the idea of being Gay is definitely a taboo, at least when talking in terms of the more "traditional" Catholics. So because of that, I thought it was going to be hard to come out and was even prepared to be kicked out of my house when my parents found out. I first came out openly and completely to my friends about 7-8 months ago and still was in the closet from my parents, basically I lived a double life. When I was with my friends or in San Francisco (because I work there) I was happy, probably more happy than I ever was, and when I was home with my parents, I was happy too, I love my parents and they love me. And as time went on, and I was meeting more men, just as friends, nothing sexual, I realized how much support I was getting from these people. 110% support from my friends... 200% support from the men I was meeting and then it dawned on me. I really am happy.... on both sides of the spectrum. And when I realized that, I found that it was ready to come out to my parents... because I knew, if my family was to reject me... of course, I'd be extremely hurt...as would anyone who is close their their family... but I knew I'd survive because I have friends and men who were there for me. Now, I'm Filipino so family is a HUGE deal for me, and I have like 50 thousand cousins (not really that much, but a lot) but you also have realize you are who you are and your real family is the ones who love and support you for you.

Somethings that helped get through this process is find men to talk to. Just like you, I am also attracted to older men. Not just because they are cute and adorable (because they are) but also because they know what we are going through but 10x worse. So they know you are in a struggle. And when you find men to talk to, you'll be surprised on how much they aren't always in it for the sex but they are also there to help you and guide you and ultimately support you.

Mentor. Mentor. Mentor. There are so many websites out there where you can find someone to help you. Here in the states, don't know exactly where you are, I use a website called Meetup.com basically what it is a website for people to start/join groups. And a lot of areas have Gay Men groups, again, not sexual.. its just where Gay men like you and I can meet, talk, chit-chat, hang out, have fun. Etc. Somebody also mention here, Daddyhunt. Great place to go if there isn't a meetup group near you. Thats where I found my mentor and hes a wonderful man, hes my Gay Dad.

LOL, sorry, so if you are looking for an answer. Two. But also at the same time, tell them... eventually, weather it be when you move away, just before you move away, or whatever. Let them know, because if you are like me.... even if they wont accept you for who you are, at least you know that they know you are Gay, and that will keep your mind clear. Who knows, they could come around a year later... Sorry, I'm a ranter! Haha.

If you need someone to talk to... you can message me...but also look where you are. There are so many men here that will support you.

You are who you are, no one can change that... and you were made that way, embrace it... Good luck.

 

[greathollow]

i live in israel
they do know that i am gay but they're totally against it , there was a time they called my uncle because they did not know how to deal with me.. and that uncle made it worst , he threated to murder me and what not all that while my parents being in the same room with me and my mother F***ing uncle , and they did not say anything to him.
i dont know why but i still can't seem to hate them , i've tried for years to somehow break up that family connection , but i feel pain in my heart just thinking that i might lose them ( actually they giving up on me) because of my sexuality, i try telling myself to hate them , to treat them not as my parents but as strangers but just nothing works.
and i feel even greater pain when i think of a future with no kind and loving man in it..
i am still struggling with myself..

 

[iheartdaddies]

Oh god. God. Yeah, if its thats bad. Leave. Again, as I said before... You'll be hurt for awhile... but when you find like-minded men... You'll be saying to yourself, "Why didn't I do this sooner..." It's hard but you'll be happy you did it in the end. And being there is obviously making it worse, if you have to think about "Should I do this or not.." Look at your situation... you spend every day not being you... with people who won't even try to accept you. So....like everyone else's answer here. TWO. TWO. TWO. Good luck friend.

 

[Lefty]

Israel, China, Italy or downtown Miami...not germane. .

Fact... whole family knows you don't swing from the same gate post.
Fact... whole family leaves you swinging in the breeze, no support,
no validation and no Emotional assistance.

Sounds like they already have you at a distance. You don't have to
grow a hate towards them. They are your DNA/Blood. Now do like #2
says, pack it up and get out of Dodge. Love them from afar, thats how
Hallmark (and others) stay in business.

If you think you are confused and lonely and unhappy now, stay where
you are. Or, gaze into the crystal ball, have your Tarot read. or just
take your heart and brain on a trip...weigh you locked in the bosom of
people that can't or won't accept you now, 10...20 even 30 years from
now.

JMHO and I wish you the best of luck however your chips may fall.

 

[greathollow]

thanks you guys , i just wanted to know whats really best for me... i never really looked it at like this
i thought they might change and accept me but i guess that may never happen or it will once they miss me?
anyway thank you all very much.
thread can be closed.

 

[Paws]

the problem is my family knows about me and they are not willing to accept me no matter what , but i love them so much and i can't really imagine my life without my family

Why do you love people who dislike and want to murder you? Try to find friends you can rely on, even if it's easier said than done.

my family in no way accept the thought of me leaving and living in another place and keeping in touch with them.

How old are you? 12? If they don't let you go, it's them who have mental problems.

 

[greathollow]

Why do you love people who dislike and want to murder you? Try to find friends you can rely on, even if it's easier said than done.

How old are you? 12? If they don't let you go, it's them who have mental problems.

thanks for your reply , i am starting to see the truth now.