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Uhm yeah you blew it dude

R

recuerdeme

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So I met this guy, we had a great time, awesome sex and have been talking for a few weeks.

This weekend he invites me over to his friends house to hang out, it was his friends b-day and I said ok cool. It was like 5 minutes from my house.

Anywho I get there and the dude I've been talking to answers the door in shorts (only) he's well endowed so I could tell he had on no undies. I'm like.... oooo.K.

I enter the place and his friend is a little better attired but something was definitely up, the alcohol was flowing and there was a herbal smell in the air (if you know what I mean).

I was ready to leave but I accepted one drink and chatted awhile. The dude I've been talking to starts putting the moves on me, in front of his friend then he gets up kisses his friend leads him to the coach where I am and starts fondling us both. I would have laughed out loud or participated had I not been so ticked off.

So I excused myself and left. He's been calling ever since wondering what is wrong and saying sorry. He wants to continue seeing me and to forget about the failed threesome, but no. Seriously wtf is up with guys? You don't try to blindside a guy with a 3some... right? And I did like the guy but this really stuck it to me and not in a good way.
 
weed does not make u do 'pretty shady things',,, you have WAY better judgement while your high than while your drunk. So lets not just use that as an excuse for peoples actions... trust me he knew what he was doing.
 
joshbuddz said:
So lets not just use that as an excuse for peoples actions... trust me he knew what he was doing.
Click to expand...

Right, he had been calling and texting all day to see when/if I could come over.
Then when I got there his actions were definitely calculated, he did certain things... testing the waters, to see if I would be at all susceptible to a threesome I think.

It's just crazy that he wouldn't give me any kind of heads up to see if I wanted that. Plus I thought we were going down a path of dating... blah :(
 
You know -- he was drinking and smoking a little weed -- it probably seemed like an AWESOME idea to HIM at the time...

I can understand being a little pissed -- and I AGREE that you don't BLINDSIDE someone your kind of dating with a threesome...

But -- I wouldn't end a friendship over it...

Best of luck...

:):):)
 
He definitely took a risk that backfired. Too bad. Is it worth another chance? I'm not sure. It seems his buddy is a fb. Sorry he blindsighted you. What an awkward, uncomfortable situation to be in!
 
You asked "what's with guys" as if this were somehow a common occurrence. The thing is, you have found yourself in these "odd" or "bizarre" situations quite often, as I seem to recall. Any one person can be a creep. That said, If you find yourself in these situations as often as you do, it's time to look into the mirror as a possible / probable cause.

From my experience and from relationship studies, there usually are two main drivers. One, a person wants/needs/loves drama in their life to give it some emotional gravitas, regardless of how contrived or shallow it might be. Or secondly, as many studies have shown with women in abusive relationships continue to pick men repeatedly that are abusers. Why? Perhaps it's time you spend some time alone and single while doing your emotional homework on what you really want from a relationship, and what makes men like these so attractive to you.

I think all very young gay guys (myself included) find themselves thriving on drama. But after a boyfriend or two and / or by age 22 or 23 one should have that out of their system for good. Best wishes.
 
I'd be mad as hell and probably cut him off. I know you said you've only been seeing him for a few weeks but he invites you to a "friends" place for a birthday and opens the door half naked and half hard???? I think he had the thing planned from the beginning. This friend of his is either a fwb, fb, hell could even be an ex bf for all you know. He's most likely been hooking up with him while he was seeing you all along. You don't blind side someone you care about with something like this. The drinking and pot are excuses to try and cover for his attempted setting you up. The guy sounds like a jerk to me. I'd tell him to stop contacting me. I hope you were safe with him and may even want to get tested for the usual array of things.

Steven.
 
If you two are not in an exclusive committed relationship and no boundaries are set, can't put all the blame on him.

Threesome can be awesome ;)
 
id also like to add that if you havent made it clear your looking to be exclusive and if you met him on one of the websites notorious for hook-ups i wouldnt just cut him off.
talk to him & see where he's at, if u want to be exclusive let him know and also tell him that the whole situation made you uncomfortable. If he cant handle that than split ways IMO
 
If I had found both guys attractive? probably would have rolled with it and enjoyed myself

But I totally see why you were uncomfortable
 
I'd have been livid about the weed and if the third guy was hot, jumped at the chance for the threesome. As you can see everyone reacts to things differently. If things were good before this happened, I'd give the guy another chance. He just thought that this would be hot and was letting the little head do the thinking for the big head.
 
To me it doesn't matter if I was exclusive with the guy or not. He invited him to a "friends" house for his birthday. He didn't say it but I'm willing to bet the OP was expecting the usual social happenings at a birthday get together. Not walking into a poorly set up 3 way attempt. The OP knew the 1 guy. He'd never met nor heard of the "friend" before. He's supposed to just be ok with being greeted at the door with a nearly naked guy with a partial erection, pot haze in the air and then have sex with the guy. Yeh I get the random hook up thing and I've done it. But that's not what happened here. The guy set him up, almost as if he were the birthday gift to his friend. I would have been pissed and left too. The guy isn't someone I'd be able to trust. The OP's friend should have told him in advance what was going on so he could decide whether it was something he wanted to get involved in or not. Instead he kept checking in with him to make sure he was coming and when. I'd be willing to bet they were "getting ready" for him to arrive.

To the OP. Obviously it's your call. I would tell the guy how I felt and that it wasn't appreciated. Your not some prize or birthday gift. Personally I'd tell him to go pound sand, but that's just me.

Steven.
 
What is apparent is that this guy thought he knew what you would be into but he doesn't know you as well as he thought he did.

Call it strike threeway and move on.
 
Georgiadude said:
To me it doesn't matter if I was exclusive with the guy or not. He invited him to a "friends" house for his birthday. He didn't say it but I'm willing to bet the OP was expecting the usual social happenings at a birthday get together. Not walking into a poorly set up 3 way attempt. The OP knew the 1 guy. He'd never met nor heard of the "friend" before. He's supposed to just be ok with being greeted at the door with a nearly naked guy with a partial erection, pot haze in the air and then have sex with the guy. Yeh I get the random hook up thing and I've done it. But that's not what happened here. The guy set him up, almost as if he were the birthday gift to his friend. I would have been pissed and left too. The guy isn't someone I'd be able to trust. The OP's friend should have told him in advance what was going on so he could decide whether it was something he wanted to get involved in or not. Instead he kept checking in with him to make sure he was coming and when. I'd be willing to bet they were "getting ready" for him to arrive.

To the OP. Obviously it's your call. I would tell the guy how I felt and that it wasn't appreciated. Your not some prize or birthday gift. Personally I'd tell him to go pound sand, but that's just me.

Steven.
Click to expand...

^^ This.

It was planned and you weren't consulted at all. There is also obviously a history between these two, and not a platonic one. So, not only did they set you up, but now you found out that this guy you've been seeing is also more than likely fucking this other guy on the side. Sounds like quality bf material to me.

I would have left as well. If there had been introductions before, if there had been a discussion and I was into it then it would have been a completely different ballgame. I would even wonder if you had been the goal of a threesome when you had first met this guy a couple of weeks back. He and well-endowed guy have been seeing each other waaay before you came in the picture, so maybe this is what they do.

Regardless, its your choice to deal with this however you want. Personally, I wouldn't want anything to do with him. It just seems like you were a target of their design for a while, and there was really no intention of the boyfriend image you were hoping for.
 
You did the right thing! that is just not right!
 
joshbuddz said:
id also like to add that if you havent made it clear your looking to be exclusive and if you met him on one of the websites notorious for hook-ups i wouldnt just cut him off.
talk to him & see where he's at, if u want to be exclusive let him know and also tell him that the whole situation made you uncomfortable. If he cant handle that than split ways IMO
Click to expand...
Best post here.
 
I think we're missing a very important point that I believe the OP mentioned, but I'll elaborate on further.

No doubt you were surprised and a bit miffed at the incredulity of your friend who you've known for a rather short time expecting you to be receptive to a unforseen threesome with a third-party you had never met. I'm sure that most of us would have felt the same way. I've been to many surprise birthdays, but never a "surprise" birthday like that.

However, you said that you would have either "laughed out loud or participated" had you not been so angry, which leads me to my point.

It seems to me that the issue isn't that the guy you had been talking to (and having sex with on a fairly consistent basis) wanted to have a threesome. You said yourself you might have participated had you not been angry at what is the issue, which is the guy not forewarning you or at least dropping hints at his desire to have a threesome.

My point is this. I probably wouldn't cut off all contact with the guy. Yes, what he did was kind of shitty, and to do so under the guise of a friend's birthday party, whether it was a birthday or not, is a bit weird.

However, think about if you said or did anything that might have led the guy to believe that you would have been receptive to an impromptu threesome. Perhaps he thought because of the great sex you two were having, that opening it up to another party was a progression point. Maybe you let slip that you either never had a threesome (and thus he assumed it was a desire of yours) or that you wouldn't mind one (which he assumed would be a pleasant surprise for you).

Don't completely end things with the guy. Let this time apart be a sort of punishment, so that he understands the severity of what he did. Perhaps this will bring you both closer together in the long run, and if things can work out, y'all will look back and laugh at the missed threesome at a friend's "surprise" birthday party.
 
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