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umpteenth passive rejection & I feel pathetic

I look at myself and I feel I'm pathetic.

I'm 31. Time is ticking out for me to have a meaningful relationship whatsoever. Earlier this year I hit up a guy on Instagram. He's from my original hometown (I live in a city now). I've always had the hots for him but I thought he was out of my league. But then, in the spur of a high self-esteem rush, I thought "What gives...".

We kept chatting for weeks. Every other day. Sharing content with each other. On Saturday I decided to travel back home for a few days. Main reason being- I wanted to meet him and test the waters. Our first date went 90% fine and 10% ambiguous I thought. However, ever since then he's slowed down replies. I have suggested that we meet again and he's been very vague about it.

It's not heart-shattering but it's annoying and it's painful.

I wish he would give me a chance to hang out again. I'm leaving on Friday night and I'm positive he won't chat me up although he knows I'm leaving.

Did I make him feel that bad during the date? I just can't wrap my mind around it.

So last night I hung out with a friend of mine from the area. We met 2 years ago on Grindr. There was never anything between us, due to him getting a boyfriend and me being insecure about my body. So last night I wanted to make sure I still had it going. Please keep in mind I haven't had sex since 2015 and that my biggest fear is that I give off 'friend' vibes rather than 'sexy' vibes.

I perceived minor sexual tension between my friend and me so I seized the moment and kissed him. We kissed passionately but he wasn't hard. I swear to you guys, since 2015 I have been intimate with guys however they would never get hard enough to penetrate me. Maybe it's because I'm tall/athletic? While they're shorter and somewhat normal? (they also happened not to be endowed - not a big deal for me, but I can see a pattern)

This is so pathetic.

PS no special question here, but any input would be really appreciated.
 
So I think it's a bit of a problem that you're assuming the guy you had been texting stopped being active after your first date. The truth is, you don't know why things changed. It could just as easily be their own insecurities or something external happened that they're dealing with that just happened to coincide with your date. Ya don't know, so why presume that you're at fault?

Now, are you looking explicitly for dates or explicitly for hook-ups?

What is so pathetic? That is what I can't wrap my head around. Literally nothing I read sounded pathetic.
 
I have the same problem. I haven’t had a date in three years and if I meet someone interested in me they stop talking to me after only two weeks on average and before we even meet in person. Grindr banned me for “posting inappropriate content” after less than five minutes and only uploaded a pic of me in a polo shirt. That made me realize that I must be ugly and my face is literally offensive to look at if a pic of it got me banned. I’ve refused to let anyone take my pic since then and even refuse to upload any pics of myself online anywhere.
 
SeaCore said:
So I think it's a bit of a problem that you're assuming the guy you had been texting stopped being active after your first date. The truth is, you don't know why things changed. It could just as easily be their own insecurities or something external happened that they're dealing with that just happened to coincide with your date. Ya don't know, so why presume that you're at fault?
Click to expand...

I appreciate your encouragement but we both know how these things go. In a date, you either hit it off right away or you become strangers.

Now, are you looking explicitly for dates or explicitly for hook-ups?
Click to expand...

I'm looking for a life partner. I was hoping the guy I was chatting with would turn out to be a viable option.

What is so pathetic? That is what I can't wrap my head around. Literally nothing I read sounded pathetic.
Click to expand...

Thanks. I just think it's sad that I'm suddenly 'annihilated' because someone is not chatting me up anymore. And it's sad that someone I went along with just fine before, has cut contacts with me once he's known me. And I'm 31. Sad.
 
crubbed said:
I appreciate your encouragement but we both know how these things go. In a date, you either hit it off right away or you become strangers.
Click to expand...
No? It's not something that I know. I've got very little dating experience. I only started looking for dates this past January. I'm 27, not that far off.

crubbed said:
Thanks. I just think it's sad that I'm suddenly 'annihilated' because someone is not chatting me up anymore. And it's sad that someone I went along with just fine before, has cut contacts with me once he's known me. And I'm 31. Sad.
Click to expand...
Where are you looking for dates? How do you initiate?
You keep mentioning that you're 31. There's definitively an audience for people your age.
 
gaysian85 said:
I have the same problem. I haven’t had a date in three years and if I meet someone interested in me they stop talking to me after only two weeks on average and before we even meet in person. Grindr banned me for “posting inappropriate content” after less than five minutes and only uploaded a pic of me in a polo shirt. That made me realize that I must be ugly and my face is literally offensive to look at if a pic of it got me banned. I’ve refused to let anyone take my pic since then and even refuse to upload any pics of myself online anywhere.
Click to expand...
I think this takeaway is very flawed. Algorithms are notoriously bad at interpreting images and have no ability to judge if you look good or not.
I'm certain you look great! A picture helps a ton in the online space, granted it needs to be decently framed. Grindr is not the place to go for dates. I'd suggest OkCupid. I've had great luck there!
 
Just because you're past 30 doesn't mean you are close to being over the hill, despite the messages we sometimes get from our shallow society. 31/tall/athletic doesn't sound pathetic to me. I think there was an old country song about 'looking for love in all the wrong places.' If you are looking for a life partner, you probably won't find that on an online site. Now that you live in a city, there should be places and opportunities to meet guys who are looking for something similar. Good luck. :)
 
The last time I used Okcupid, I literally went four years without anyone being interested in me. And this is WITH a pic. I’ve had friends try to help me by showing their gay single friends and every one of those friends said that they didn’t want me! So what else am I supposed to think?
 
gaysian85 said:
The last time I used Okcupid, I literally went four years without anyone being interested in me. And this is WITH a pic. I’ve had friends try to help me by showing their gay single friends and every one of those friends said that they didn’t want me! So what else am I supposed to think?
Click to expand...
You are not ugly. So--There's an unfortunate social thing. The truth is that Asian people have been massively desexualized in media to the point that people write them off. The main problem is they don't interact with enough Asian people to break the stereotype they've built up. In other words. There's a strong possibility it is just people being racist and that it has nothing to do with you personally.

Now as far as OkCupid goes how detailed was your profile and did you answer a lot of the questions? My experience with OkCupid is that it requires very active partcipation to get anywhere. Some people are magnetic enough that they can be passive but it's rare.
 
crubbed said:
I look at myself and I feel I'm pathetic.

I'm 31. Time is ticking out for me to have a meaningful relationship whatsoever. Earlier this year I hit up a guy on Instagram. He's from my original hometown (I live in a city now). I've always had the hots for him but I thought he was out of my league. But then, in the spur of a high self-esteem rush, I thought "What gives...".

We kept chatting for weeks. Every other day. Sharing content with each other. On Saturday I decided to travel back home for a few days. Main reason being- I wanted to meet him and test the waters. Our first date went 90% fine and 10% ambiguous I thought. However, ever since then he's slowed down replies. I have suggested that we meet again and he's been very vague about it.

It's not heart-shattering but it's annoying and it's painful.

I wish he would give me a chance to hang out again. I'm leaving on Friday night and I'm positive he won't chat me up although he knows I'm leaving.

Did I make him feel that bad during the date? I just can't wrap my mind around it.

So last night I hung out with a friend of mine from the area. We met 2 years ago on Grindr. There was never anything between us, due to him getting a boyfriend and me being insecure about my body. So last night I wanted to make sure I still had it going. Please keep in mind I haven't had sex since 2015 and that my biggest fear is that I give off 'friend' vibes rather than 'sexy' vibes.

I perceived minor sexual tension between my friend and me so I seized the moment and kissed him. We kissed passionately but he wasn't hard. I swear to you guys, since 2015 I have been intimate with guys however they would never get hard enough to penetrate me. Maybe it's because I'm tall/athletic? While they're shorter and somewhat normal? (they also happened not to be endowed - not a big deal for me, but I can see a pattern)

This is so pathetic.

PS no special question here, but any input would be really appreciated.
Click to expand...

Crubb, you are NOT pathetic. listen to these lyrics............"Learn to forget, learn to forget, learn to for get, Learn to forget"

it may sound goofy, but LEARN to forget. you have a life ahead of you. LIVE it. your friend is now on the history shelf with all the other dusty things that are best ignored. Fall inn Love with a new cock
 
too late for editing typos............If you are in Phoenix Arizona, I'll lick and suck youR PRETTY cock.
 
quite true SeaCore. in my extremely limited experience trying to find a Man, I have noticed a very close comparison with trying to date Men, or trying to date women
sometimes people will do a runner on ya without so much as a note, phone call or "by your leave"

WHY is up to them. and the WHY is up to them. nobody is obligated to give reasonable explanation, though it would be nice for ONCE. just once I'd like to hear it. WHY?
I haven't heard one yet
 
Just go to gay bath houses and observe and learn.
The more rejection the better, it makes you stronger .....
 
gaysian85 said:
The last time I used Okcupid, I literally went four years without anyone being interested in me. And this is WITH a pic. I’ve had friends try to help me by showing their gay single friends and every one of those friends said that they didn’t want me! So what else am I supposed to think?
Click to expand...

To have a chance getting somewhere with okcupid you need to see who likes you, and to do that you need to pay for membership and then put a couple hours time weekly into reading, liking and messaging your matches. That doesn't include time spent actually talking with possible matches.
 
gaysian85 said:
I have the same problem. I haven’t had a date in three years and if I meet someone interested in me they stop talking to me after only two weeks on average and before we even meet in person. Grindr banned me for “posting inappropriate content” after less than five minutes and only uploaded a pic of me in a polo shirt. That made me realize that I must be ugly and my face is literally offensive to look at if a pic of it got me banned. I’ve refused to let anyone take my pic since then and even refuse to upload any pics of myself online anywhere.
Click to expand...

Maybe it wasn't the photo you uploaded. One of the apps required a main profile photo to be of yourself or at least a body part. images of objects or memes or words were not allowed...I don't remember which app. Maybe it was your typed content?? Such as giving out a web address or a phone number that was unsolicited?
 
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