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Uncomfortable Talk

S

Shinobuu

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Somewhat rant. Read or don't. I don't really post at all, just read most of the time. I'm out just yet, partially bi. I rather be financially secure before I do anything drastic. I like girls, just not really in the sexual context. Either because I'm shy about asking them out or whatnot. In any case, my mother had a "talk" with me because it had been on her mind for a while. She didn't know if I was gay or not since I haven't really taken any girls out. I'm just mainly friends with them and she knows a lot of them come up to me and are friendly with me. I've taken some out but didn't feel interested in them mostly because it wasn't clicking. Some of them mainly talk to others but my mom knows they liked me (go figure). I'm more socially exclusive even though I have no problem talking to other people when I do go out, it's just a matter of confidence and feeling of comfortable and shyness. I do plan on trying to get some of my former high school buddies and fraternity buddies and go out a little more often, to the bar once a week or so. One step at a time right? I love video games and I guess I try to "escape" the "shy" feeling of going out by playing games. Oh, of course my mom just confirmed that my uncle was gay, which I always suspected but nobody ever told me.
 
In this day and age, gaming, or internet gaming has damped the "social" skills of people meeting people. If your shy then this only makes your situation worse in my opinion.

I think it is a good idea for you to get out of the house and socialize, be it with HS friends, fraturnity buddies etc. Getting out is the best thing for you, and who knows you might meet someone you might want to be with? Male or female!

I agree with HardfordGuy, if your uncle is cool call him!
 
I live in Kentucky whereas he lives in Florida. He is cool but I've never really called him but my family does. I do plan on getting out more. As for gaming damping "social skills", I concur. It seems in today's world, gaming is the new form of alcoholism. I'd have to restrain myself from these games and being on the computer. I'm heading to Belize this Saturday to work with the International Learning Service Program and help some rural communities out. Once I get back, I'll definitely be able to take the initiative to rectify myself.
 
Its interesting that you mom asked you about being gay. They usually avoid doing that sort of thing. It sounds like she is not afraid of the subject, so that's cool.

Take your time and explore who you are. There's no hurry. We're always here if you want to ask any questions. Good luck!
 
I like girls, just not really in the sexual context.

Not to get too far off topic, but it sounds like you're gay rather than bi. Sexual orientation is, well, what you're interested in sexually.

Enjoy Belize though! I was doing agricultural development work in a rural area there last May and had a nice time.
 
HartfordGuy said:
Is your uncle cool? Try talking to him.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'd try that. It's extremely helpful to talk to an experienced person before you start getting active your own. Just to find out, how things are working and stuff...

If your family is phoning him regularly. He might even be pleased when you tell him.

Just give it a try, it's easier to have somebody you can talk to and your uncle seems to be a good opportunity.

Cheers and good luck to you.

Ps. It wont be easy, but it get's even harder if you hesitate too long.
 
It's not compulsory to go out; it's not compulsory to have sex or hook up with anyone of either gender or any particular sexual persuasion; it's not compulsory to 'fit in'.

Whose expectations are these? And if your own, then how did you arrive at them? Being financially independent seems a perfectly rational goal when you live in a consumer society. Money and power are then the ultimate aphrodisiacs.

You're perfect just the way you are.
 
Ok, in regards to some of your comments.

I assume my mom approached like that because her brother (my uncle is gay). Now, I didn't really know he was gay until she said so. I had assumed he was because of him living with a male friend. How much of my family knows he is gay? I don't know. I'm usually the oblivious one. Now, my mom does care about me and want me to be happy but I'm still apprehensive until I can be confident on my own.

As I said, still shy, not a full-time clubber (I have been to plenty bars with fraternity brothers when I was in college). I do plan on doing so again. Of course, being gay is technically an obstacle that I would have to overcome as well as the reaction of other people. Is that my only obstacle besides financial regards? No. I am hearing impaired so I have to make sure I pay attention to what people are saying in a social situation. I do read lips as well hear somewhat ok. If someone speaks too fast, can't follow (I know it is same for those of you who don't have a loss of hearing). That's all I can think of to say for now.
 
Just went out tonight with my parents and my sister with her husband and a friend of my sister to hear my dad's friend play in a bad. A bunch of cute friends of course come by, definitely hot straight fellas. It's tempting to say the least! Now, my mom keeps saying thay she doesn't mind trying to find me a guy or girl of m liking to hook me up with. I just can't say if I am gay just yet. I rather be financially comfortable and comfortable with my appearance. I do wear glasses and am somewhat overweight. So I am trying to "FIX" my appearance before I try a hand at the dating game. Any comments?
 
What does being financially secure have to do with anything? You'll never be as secure as you think you should be, but will always being using it as an excuse to delay getting on with life.

You're 24, Move out of your parents' basement. Mommy doesn't have to find dates for you.

Give your xbox away. Stop vegging. Join a gym. Work with a counsellor to build better skills with respect to the hearing impairment. Become your own person.
 
Do what makes you feel right. Take things in stride, and at your own pace.

You have still lots of exploring to do and you don't have to settle for a label.

Your mom does sound like she's OK with whatever you are anyway so just take your time.

Good luck! :D
 
Dump the game, get in touch with people you're already socially comfortable with and get back out into the real world.
Seriously computer games are daming for your social skills and self confidence.

(been here, done it and now play computer games for no more than a couple of hours a week, im now out every other day with friends having a good time getting drunk, going to partys etc!)
 
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