Unconditional love

[Mr-Brooding]

Welcome to the forum, Granz! What a insightful first post. I must say, I question this about myself a lot lately. I honestly don't know if I could fall in love with someone who wasn't physically pleasing to me as easily as I could with an attractive person.

You must realize that you are a human with needs and desires. Maybe your standards are a little high, but don't feel like a terrible person. Love is tricky and is a combination of those needs and desires. I would recommend working harder to see why looks mean so much to you. Maybe that would motivate you to change your views

 

[bw92116]

Look at how pets behave - they give unconditional love, and it's not based on how you look, it's based on how you treat them. If you are loving to them, they are loving to you in return and that love is pure and unconditional. That's different from sexual love relationships, which are formed on the condition of sexual attraction (hopefully mutual). A love relationship could be a mixture of conditional and unconditional love. The unconditional is probably more based on behavior and how you treat them or how they treat you, instead of physical appearances.

 

[JUB]

Once you are truly in love those things won't matter......

 

[handyman76]

I suppose it depends what you want out of life. If you want hot bodies, go for it. If you want emotional attachment, go for it.


OH, THINK not I am faithful to a vow!
Faithless am I save to love's self alone.
Were you not lovely I would leave you now:
After the feet of beauty fly my own.
Were you not still my hunger's rarest food,
And water ever to my wildest thirst,
I would desert you–think not but I would!–
And seek another as I sought you first.
But you are mobile as the veering air,
And all your charms more changeful than the tide,
Wherefore to be inconstant is no care:
I have but to continue at your side.
So wanton, light and false, my love, are you,
I am most faithless when I most am true.
-- Edna St Vincent Millay

 

[Saybrooke]

I suppose it depends what you want out of life. If you want hot bodies, go for it. If you want emotional attachment, go for it.


OH, THINK not I am faithful to a vow!
Faithless am I save to love's self alone.
Were you not lovely I would leave you now:
After the feet of beauty fly my own.
Were you not still my hunger's rarest food,
And water ever to my wildest thirst,
I would desert you–think not but I would!–
And seek another as I sought you first.
But you are mobile as the veering air,
And all your charms more changeful than the tide,
Wherefore to be inconstant is no care:
I have but to continue at your side.
So wanton, light and false, my love, are you,
I am most faithless when I most am true.
-- Edna St Vincent Millay

That's so pretty!

 

[kallipolis]

Can I honestly say I love another man if physical attraction is a prerequisite of my affection? What happens when my partner grows old and his looks begin to fade, he puts on a substantial amount of weight, or he becomes horribly disfigured? Will I still love him? These are concerns that both my partners and I have experienced. I guess most of us worry about the what-ifs, and how they will impact our relationships.

OCDesque speculation of the pros, and cons will never reward you with a loving relationship, rather incarcerate you within an academic arena where theoretical reasoning becomes your excuse for denying your self your birth right to love and be loved in return.

Do what the rest of us do, dive in the deep end and learn to love another man by practising rather than by theorising.

In thirty, or forty years time you will have matured sufficiently to love people for their flaws, as well as for their physical attractions. As will others when appreciating us for all that we represent as the flawed human person.

 

[ibill1]

Once you are truly in love those things won't matter......

This. I was truly and deeply in love for 33 yrs. We went through many ups and downs. One thing never wavered, our deep devotion and love for one another.