This was originally a forum post but it seems to have expired and I think it’s important that I explain who I am and how I identify.
Gender
I’m agender, meaning I don’t identify as male or female in terms of who I am as an individual. Generally speaking I’m comfortable with he/him pronouns, but I also find they/them very respectful, especially coming from people who don’t yet know my gender identify yet. She/her isn’t very commonly used but it wouldn’t cause me any offence or dysphoria. I wear lingerie and sometimes makeup but I do NOT identify as a trans female or a crossdresser. It’s just how I like to present myself.
Sexuality
I identify as demipansexual.
Demi-, not in the sense that I have to be in love but I don’t really enjoy random hookups/sex with strangers or even people I don’t know very well. I much prefer to have a good connection in order to feel sexually comfortable with a partner, and if I’m going to have casual sex I find I prefer to do so with friends.
-pan-, in that my partner’s gender isn’t that important. The three long-term commitments I’ve been in (including my current one) have all been with AMAB people, two being cis males and one trans female. I have recently dated an AFAB person for the first time who is a trans male, oddly I have already slept with his boyfriend, who is a cis male.
For this reason I identify as pan, just because it encompasses all of my experiences. I haven’t ever been attracted to a cis female to date, and I’d largely describe myself as homoromantic, although flexible.
My sexual/BDSM positions
I’m 95% top. I used to be a bottom but over the years I’ve grown to dislike bottoming, probably because I tend to feel too vulnerable to enjoy myself. However, with long term partners I will bottom on infrequent occasions because there’s enough trust and I sometimes play with anal toys.
In BDSM situations I’m a soft dom. There are varying ideas on what this means; for me it means I like light bondage and impact play but I’m not exceptionally aggressive and degradation does nothing for me. If my sub likes to be treated roughly I’m willing to explore but we have to know each other really well. I also love taking care of subs both in sexual and nonsexual contexts.
Relationship status
I’m currently partnered with somebody I’ve lived with for a couple of years, which was a slow burn following being hurt very badly by a breakup in 2018. That last relationship was monogamous until the last couple of months, during which time the trust between us completely broke down and it drove us apart. My current partner and I have never been monogamous but haven’t yet discussed whether we’re now just open or fully polyamorous. I have deep-seated jealousy problems that I’m trying to work through. We are in love, though, and would never want to hurt one another, so when it’s time for that conversation I know we’ll communicate well.
Gender
I’m agender, meaning I don’t identify as male or female in terms of who I am as an individual. Generally speaking I’m comfortable with he/him pronouns, but I also find they/them very respectful, especially coming from people who don’t yet know my gender identify yet. She/her isn’t very commonly used but it wouldn’t cause me any offence or dysphoria. I wear lingerie and sometimes makeup but I do NOT identify as a trans female or a crossdresser. It’s just how I like to present myself.
Sexuality
I identify as demipansexual.
Demi-, not in the sense that I have to be in love but I don’t really enjoy random hookups/sex with strangers or even people I don’t know very well. I much prefer to have a good connection in order to feel sexually comfortable with a partner, and if I’m going to have casual sex I find I prefer to do so with friends.
-pan-, in that my partner’s gender isn’t that important. The three long-term commitments I’ve been in (including my current one) have all been with AMAB people, two being cis males and one trans female. I have recently dated an AFAB person for the first time who is a trans male, oddly I have already slept with his boyfriend, who is a cis male.
For this reason I identify as pan, just because it encompasses all of my experiences. I haven’t ever been attracted to a cis female to date, and I’d largely describe myself as homoromantic, although flexible.
My sexual/BDSM positions
I’m 95% top. I used to be a bottom but over the years I’ve grown to dislike bottoming, probably because I tend to feel too vulnerable to enjoy myself. However, with long term partners I will bottom on infrequent occasions because there’s enough trust and I sometimes play with anal toys.
In BDSM situations I’m a soft dom. There are varying ideas on what this means; for me it means I like light bondage and impact play but I’m not exceptionally aggressive and degradation does nothing for me. If my sub likes to be treated roughly I’m willing to explore but we have to know each other really well. I also love taking care of subs both in sexual and nonsexual contexts.
Relationship status
I’m currently partnered with somebody I’ve lived with for a couple of years, which was a slow burn following being hurt very badly by a breakup in 2018. That last relationship was monogamous until the last couple of months, during which time the trust between us completely broke down and it drove us apart. My current partner and I have never been monogamous but haven’t yet discussed whether we’re now just open or fully polyamorous. I have deep-seated jealousy problems that I’m trying to work through. We are in love, though, and would never want to hurt one another, so when it’s time for that conversation I know we’ll communicate well.