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Unequal attractiveness in relationships

H

highland

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I live in LA, and lately I've been noticing a lot of couples who are romantically involved with each other, but are unequal in attractiveness. I know that looks are all subjective and that looks fade in a relationship after a while. I really don't want to seem like a jealous dick or anything, but sometimes I see the hottest guy in the room making out or holding hands with either ugly or average joes that you really wouldn't think twice about. i just think to myself, well if he can get that guy, then i should be able to too!

how do you guys feel when you come across couples of unequal attractiveness?
 
I feel like it's stupid to "feel" any kind of way about shit like this.

I am not a God and it's not my place to judge people's partners looks.

Attractiveness goes deeper beyond physical features, someone who may not be physically traditionally "handsome" may have a really good spirit which, to me, makes them 1,000 times hotter than a superficial queen who happens to be physically appealing. An ugly spirit permeates good lucks.
 
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My friends and I often disagree on guys looks. You may think they are average or ugly, but their partner may think they are hot. Also, what's inside is far more important.
 
Wow, this is so... shallow. Remind me to stay away from LA if this is the kind of things you're wondering at a club. Gross me out.

Have you ever considered that maybe they have really great sex? Maybe they have great chemistry? Maybe that person has physical things going on that drive each other crazy? I mean, it goes beyond that phrase, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The way I see it, there might be a guy you could see as average, but there might be things to someone who thinks he's really hot that drives that guy crazy (for example, he has amazing eyes, his smile, the way he smells, etc.) You're going purely by looks. When I'm with a guy, I'm attracted by his presence... it's not just looks, it's the entire vibe you get from him. I'm in the most wonderful relationship right now and I'm sure there are guys that judge like you do, but you're forgetting all the things a person can see in another person that only we can see.
 
It's a valid question and I think it speaks more to highland's insecurity and loneliness than superficiality.

He wants to think of himself as more than average and it bothers him a little to see those he would (and we all can do it) place a notch or two below him getting guys a notch or four above.

The answer is personality... failing that a big dick would work.
 
maybe money and sweet talker??

example:
hugh hafner with hot girls !!!
 
highland said:
i meant no offense, but some real feedback would be nice.
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I think he wasn't calling you a big dick. he was sayin the guy who you question that isn't so good looking has a big dick :)



I realize that not everyone is super attracted to me, but some people are super universally attractive.

When YOU start to look for other things more than looks (i'm not saying you need to settle), you will be happier in your dating experiences.
 
When you see two guys together, chances are they didn't meet within the last half hour. It's not like they saw each other across a crowded room, and drifted into each other's arms. (OK, that's an assumption, but I'm betting it's an accurate one.) By the time you see them, they've probably known each other for at least weeks, probably months, and maybe years. And during that time, they've gotten to know each other. Not just as faces, but as people. And this might not be true of you, but I think it's true of a lot of people:

Faces might draw people together, but personalities make them stick.

If you interviewed Hot Guy as to why he liked Ugly Guy, he almost certainly wouldn't say "I find his ugliness a turn-on" or "I can't do any better". He'd probably say "he makes me laugh" or "I feel a special bond with him" or "I can really be myself around him" or something similar. Their relationship almost certainly goes beyond the superficial at that point.

Soon after my partner and I started going together, a gay guy pulled me aside and said (in a bitchy tone), "What you doing with HIM? You know you could do SO much better..." I looked him over and said, "Well, I'm pretty sure I could definitely do a lot worse."

Lex
 
Eh...my boyfriend is definitely hotter than me- but I think I tend to have a better personality. Not that he has a sucky personality, its just that he can be kind of a sour puss sometimes..still luf him tho
 
I like it when I see this happen, shows that society's norms dont rule everything
 
G-Lexington said:
Soon after my partner and I started going together, a gay guy pulled me aside and said (in a bitchy tone), "What you doing with HIM? You know you could do SO much better..." I looked him over and said, "Well, I'm pretty sure I could definitely do a lot worse."

Lex
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omg! bring the sass!
 
For some reason this thread makes me feel really, really happy.

Great points everyone!
 
There needs to be something there besides just looks; there needs to be a real connection. He needs to have a great sense of humor and be able to put up with my quirkiness and odd sense of humor. Sure, we'd ALL like to find a guy that "gets" us and is totally hot, but the world doesn't always work like that for everyone. I know I'm nothing special to look at, and I hope that somebody will look past that and see the personality.

And Lex's explanation was just about perfect ..|.
 
As you're out and about, you will find a lot of couples of very divergent qualities together. Sometimes there's a large difference in age, education, backgrounds, and looks. I'm sure people wonder what one saw in the other.

The simple answer is that some people are attracted to others for reasons that aren't apparent at first glance (as differences in age, education, backgrounds, and looks can be pretty obvious). Sometimes the person reminds them of someone they admire; sometimes they are attracted to a particular sense of humor, or intelligence, or "heart of gold," or other traits beyond the superficial. It's those traits they fall in love with, and once they do, it's easily to be physically attracted to them as well.

Lastly, even the superficial traits (like looks) are appealing to different people. For example, with my partner and me, we are each other's "type" but neither one of us are our own "type". So, we wouldn't date ourselves, but are madly in love with each other. It works.
 
What's funny is I just went on a date with a guy last night, that is ton better looking than me. He was talking about how looks were once very important but those guys were just looks and he was our more for a connection. I'm thinking, did he just call me ugly? ;) lol, but really I'm thinking, thank God for good looking jerks :)

Oh and he called me after work today and asked me out for tomorrow to a movie. Yay me.
 
I was in Splash in New York some years ago and this incredibly hot, built muscle dude came up and started chatting to me. After a while he said "You're a really sexy guy, Andrew", and I did my usual bashful laugh when I get a compliment, and I replied (trying to be charming in a self-deprecating way) "Well, you are really really hot! But you could have any guy in this room; how come you're talking to me?"

Muscle guy looked at me in disgust, and said "How fucking shallow do you think I am?" and stormed off, never to be seen again.

Moral to the story? Don't second guess what makes anybody attractive. Chemistry is not always visible to the naked eye.
 
andysayshi said:
I was in Splash in New York some years ago and this incredibly hot, built muscle dude came up and started chatting to me. After a while he said "You're a really sexy guy, Andrew", and I did my usual bashful laugh when I get a compliment, and I replied (trying to be charming in a self-deprecating way) "Well, you are really really hot! But you could have any guy in this room; how come you're talking to me?"

Muscle guy looked at me in disgust, and said "How fucking shallow do you think I am?" and stormed off, never to be seen again.

Moral to the story? Don't second guess what makes anybody attractive. Chemistry is not always visible to the naked eye.
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First of all, high props for visiting the States!

Maybe he overheard your speak and it turned him on (like it would me :wave: )

Sorry you had to learn the difficult way, but you did ask the question of all questions. You should have said something along the lines of, so what was it about me that led you talk to me, and joked about your dashing good looks and great smile. But like you said, learning experience #-o
 
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